Cheating or Not?

Beetlebum

Hi Guys,

I've been seeing a really cool guy for about 3 months now and things are going great. We haven't had a conversation yet regarding our exclusivity but it's pretty much a given that we don't score other people cause we spend most weekends together.

Last weekend he was in galway with his friends so I didn't see him. I was out on Saturday night and met a really sound guy in a bar. We were dancinga nd flirting and ended up going home together. We spent Sunday morning lounging around together and swapped numbers.

My question is, should I feel guilty about this seeing as I'm already with somebody. I really like the guy I'm seeing (who we'll call Dave) but the guy I met over the weekend is great too (Steve). My rule is, if he hasn't said I love you yet then you can do what you want really. Although if he cheated on me I'd be furious with him. Girls are more sensitive though I suppose and should be treated as such.

Is this cheating or merely having fun while I'm young (29)

Thanks

Mr. Incognito

My rule is, if he hasn't said I love you yet then you can do what you want really. Girls are more sensitive though I suppose and should be treated as such.

This is bull**** of the highest order.

Although if he cheated on me I'd be furious with him

This is your answer right there.

Beetlebum

SetantaL wrote: »

This is bull**** of the highest order.



This is your answer right there.

How is it bullsh*t? He hasn't told me he loves me or asked me to be exclusive so technically it's not cheating!!

I'd be mad if he shagged someone else cause it's different for girls and guys. For a girl it's more special and actually means something for a guy it's juat a ride which is disgusting in my opinion.

Katniss everMean

You haven't made your relationship official, so you can't cheat on someone if your not going out with him, although I would look at it from your own feelings, you felt as if it was exclusive as you basically see each other every weekend. The important thing is that even though he hasn't said the I love you, do you feel that way?

Basically what I am trying to say is, its not cheating your not going out with Dave, but you would be furious if he had done it, maybe even ended what you two have. I would really look at this from what would your reaction be towards Dave if this was him and go with that.

Hope what ever you want works out for you

Melion

Beetlebum wrote: »

How is it bullsh*t? He hasn't told me he loves me or asked me to be exclusive so technically it's not cheating!!

I'd be mad if he shagged someone else cause it's different for girls and guys. For a girl it's more special and actually means something for a guy it's juat a ride which is disgusting in my opinion.

It is absolute bollox. I didnt tell my girlfriend i loved her for about 18 months. If she had slept with someone else she would have been out on her ear.

So it was special on saturday night when you got drunk and slept with a random stranger? But the guy(steve) was disgusting for sleeping with you.

What a load of double standard bullshít.

Blackpitts

Beetlebum wrote: »

My rule is, if he hasn't said I love you yet then you can do what you want really. Although if he cheated on me I'd be furious with him. Girls are more sensitive though I suppose and should be treated as such.

Is this cheating or merely having fun while I'm young (29)

Thanks

yours are not proper rules, they are just childish excuses to feel OK with yourself.
you cheated on him IMO and you know that. In his shoes you would be furious, so tell him the truth, stop to see him and enjoy your "being young and free" without messing with other people hearts. I reckon he deserves more than you.

helimachoptor

Beetlebum wrote: »

How is it bullsh*t? He hasn't told me he loves me or asked me to be exclusive so technically it's not cheating!!

I'd be mad if he shagged someone else cause it's different for girls and guys. For a girl it's more special and actually means something for a guy it's juat a ride which is disgusting in my opinion.

So you slept with this guy... did you use protection?? If its not cheating tell Dave about it and lets see his reaction. A rightful "F88k off you cheating sl&g" Will be his most likely reply.

*Note not a personal attack I'm just giving a likely reaction...

doctor_gonzo

If you were as 'sensitive' as you make out, you would never have slept with another guy. I think you're making excuses for what you know to be absolutely wrong.

seamus

Beetlebum wrote: »

I'd be mad if he shagged someone else cause it's different for girls and guys. For a girl it's more special and actually means something for a guy it's juat a ride which is disgusting in my opinion.

That's complete and utter crap.

What you're basically doing is applying double standards to attempt to rationalise your behaviour. By all means say, "I didn't cheat because we weren't going out", but expect him to have the same attitude and don't expect to be a special case because you're a girl.

If you think that him sleeping with another girl is cheating, the you sleeping with another guy is cheating. No ifs or buts or whats, that's it.

To apply your rationale that for women it's "more special", then you're guilty of something far worse - emotional infidelity - whereas he'd just be having a bit of fun and not trying to hurt you.

Mr. Incognito

You are invventing a double standard to suit yourself.

so technically it's not cheating!!

Grow up-so if he fecks off with another bird- sure technically he's not cheating. You have admitted you are in a steady relationship with someone and normally i'd be all one for the if the line's aren't drawn- play ball but by your own admission it's serious enough for you to lose the rag if he was off with abother bird it's serious enough for you to cop on and do the same. This women are more sensitive line is a load of crap. Men aren't made of emotional bricks either you know. If you cut him does he not bleed.

You are being selfish and hiding behind this crap

I'd be mad if he shagged someone else cause it's different for girls and guys.

No it's not- I thought at 29 you should have learned this a long long time ago.

Zulu

Thecnically, in a primary/secondary childish/playground mannor you are not cheating.
In the adult world things are a little different. Decent people try to have respect for each other.

The easiest way to resolve this issue and your conscience is to tell Dave about spending the night with Steve. This way, you'll find out really quickly if you were "exclusive", and after he dumps you, you can worry about the real reason you split up: you never liked him anyway.

FYI: rules are for games.

Karen_*

Why don't you ask Dave and see what he thinks? He certainly has a right to know.

Beetlebum

helimachoptor wrote: »

So you slept with this guy... did you use protection?? If its not cheating tell Dave about it and lets see his reaction. A rightful "F88k off you cheating sl&g" Will be his most likely reply.

*Note not a personal attack I'm just giving a likely reaction...

Of course I used protection and I'm not going to tell him anyway, what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

dblennon

your definately not cheating but a good way to end the relationship with dave is to tell him what happened at the weekend.

either pick one you think is going to last or enjoy both without feeling guilty, just remember that neither will be long term if you choose the latter.

Men have absolutely no threshold for forgivness in this matter (I Know I'm generalising but I discussed this with my mates recently, we agreed that it would be hypocrictical to expect someone to be monogonous if your not "B&F" but there would be no future if you or her ever found out."

Get In There

Melion wrote: »

It is absolute bollox. I didnt tell my girlfriend i loved her for about 18 months. If she had slept with someone else she would have been out on her ear.

So it was special on saturday night when you got drunk and slept with a random stranger? But the guy(steve) was disgusting for sleeping with you.

What a load of double standard bullshít.

.

OP, stop sprouting BS!! God you are such a hypocrite!

smartypants

Beetlebum wrote: »

Although if he cheated on me I'd be furious with him. Girls are more sensitive though I suppose and should be treated as such.



Thanks

your either a right mare or your trying to wind people up here... there aren't different rules for men and women. i hope hes banging left right and centre in Galway...you deserve it

Gandalf23

Beetlebum wrote: »

My rule is, if he hasn't said I love you yet then you can do what you want really. Although if he cheated on me I'd be furious with him. Girls are more sensitive though I suppose and should be treated as such.

Is this cheating or merely having fun while I'm young (29)

Seriously OP are you 29 or 9?

This is double standards and I think you know it. And if you dont know it you should.

Hes better off without you if you are the kind of person who would spend the night with another guy after 3 months.

Grow up ffs.

Zulu

seamus wrote: »

To apply your rationale that for women it's "more special", then you're guilty of something far worse - emotional infidelity - whereas he'd just be having a bit of fun and not trying to hurt you.

Not to mention sexism, and muppetry.

seahorse

Beetlebum wrote: »

Although if he cheated on me I'd be furious with him. Girls are more sensitive though I suppose and should be treated as such.

So if he cheated on you you'd "be furious", but you cheat on him and it's not even worthy of the term? As for the second portion of your comment, that is pure and total nonsense; men and women should be afforded equal respect in a relationship and I don't hold out much hope for your having a successful one with either of these men since you haven't figured that out yet.

If you're in that much of a quandary as to whether this was or wasn't cheating I know who could give you a definitive answer on that - 'Dave'.

Melion

Beetlebum wrote: »

Of course I used protection and I'm not going to tell him anyway, what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Christ you must be taking the píss or else you're a complete bitch.

copeyhagen

I HOPE THIS GUY YOUR SEEING HUMPED A HANDFUL OF CHICKS IN GALWAY AND YOU NEVER FIND OUT

but hey, what you dont know wont hurt right? what, is this your first relationship or something?!

Melion

copeyhagen wrote: »

I HOPE THIS GUY YOUR SEEING HUMPED A HANDFUL OF CHICKS IN GALWAY AND YOU NEVER FIND OUT

but hey, what you dont know wont hurt right? what, is this your first relationship or something?!

Damn, i was going to say that too.

Beetlebum

Melion wrote: »

Christ you must be taking the píss or else you're a complete bitch.

So it's better to tell him and hurt him, that's not bitchy no, just to alleviate my guilt???

Gandalf23

Beetlebum wrote: »

Of course I used protection and I'm not going to tell him anyway, what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

OP, I'm convinced you are a total troll and attention whore looking to cause a stirr on PI.

Either that or a very sad person who will get what she deserves sooner rather than later.

doctor_gonzo

Why do I get the feeling that you're just taking the piss with this? If it is true I despair if this is your level of emotional maturity at 29...

Blackpitts

Beetlebum wrote: »

Of course I used protection and I'm not going to tell him anyway, what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

jeez, you are unbelievable!
girls like you really make me lose the faith in women...

turnsoutIwas

Is this 3 month thing about how long your relationships usually last? I've a feeling that this might be a long term thing for you.....and I may know why

helimachoptor

Beetlebum wrote: »

Of course I used protection and I'm not going to tell him anyway, what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Then I seriously hopes he's out shagging every woman he can get his hands on!

You my dear are a complete and utter idiot. You have no regard for his feelings.
I didn't tell my Gf I loved her for about a and her a bit shorter. Thankfully she had the maturity not to go off whorring(sp?) around like a cheap tesco value tart.

AngryBadger

You're exercising a ridiculous double standard there. You say that you don't see it as cheating but you also say you'd kill him if you found out he'd done the same.

I think the idea that he has to say "I love you" to cement the relationship is a load of crap, and completely self-serving on your part.

He's (presumably) not pressuring you to do anything in order to establish a proper relationship, who do you think you are to put the onus on him?

You think it's fine for you to cheat, which is what this is, and you obviously think so because you said you'd kill him for doing the same, I mean how does that work? Do you respect this guy at all?

To be honest I'd say your best move is to break up with him. I don't know this guy at all, but he at least deserves to be with someone who has some kind of respect for him. You clearly don't.

tbh

it's not going well for you BB

if you'd be pissed that he cheated on you, then you cheated on him. It's unfair to expect other people to treat you with more respect than you give them.

Aurora Borealis

This is 100% cheating especially if you decide to continue things with Dave. If you prefer Steve fair enough but do something about your relationship with Dave first... i.e end it if you don't see yourself being exclusive with him after three months.

Gandalf23

Beetlebum wrote: »

So it's better to tell him and hurt him, that's not bitchy no, just to alleviate my guilt???

Tell him so he can make a choice about whether to keep going out with you or not.

He deserves to know.



And btw, std's can still happen even when a condom was used ... he deserves to know for this reason too.

The PDQ

Defintely cheating!

Melion

Beetlebum wrote: »

So it's better to tell him and hurt him, that's not bitchy no, just to alleviate my guilt???

If it got him away from you then yes you should definitely tell him. I really hope he shagged every girl he went near in Galway and is getting head off one of them right now.

Beetlebum

Gandalf23 wrote: »

OP, I'm convinced you are a total troll and attention whore looking to cause a stirr on PI.

Either that or a very sad person who will get what she deserves sooner rather than later.

If I was trolling why would i not go unreg, people know me on here ffs!!!

smartypants

Beetlebum wrote: »

So it's better to tell him and hurt him, that's not bitchy no, just to alleviate my guilt???

why dont you just come clean its obvious you just want to slut around?? so let him know you dont want anything serious, tell him that by your rules if nobody says the love word ye are free to ride who you like....

Beetlebum

turnsoutIwas wrote: »

Is this 3 month thing about how long your relationships usually last? I've a feeling that this might be a long term thing for you.....and I may know why

Yes it is actually but not because I cheat

smartypants

Gandalf23 wrote: »

And btw, std's can still happen even when a condom was used ... he deserves to know for this reason too.

yeah make sure the docs tests your troat also!

turnsoutIwas

Well why, pray tell, do they usually end???

Beetlebum

turnsoutIwas wrote: »

Well why, pray tell, do they usually end???

I usually get bored if I'm being honest, I get alot of male attention and don't need to stick with one guy like a lot of desperados on here do...like u I'm sure..

dblennon

HaHa Nice one OP.

Melion

smartypants wrote: »

yeah make sure the docs tests your troat also!

Excellent

Gandalf23

So to summarise most of the replies OP, you have double standards, are totally immature, you need to fess up everything to the original boyfriend (and he probably needs to get tested for std's because of the way you have acted), and you need to do a good bit of growing up.

I hope he dumps your sorry ass ... no one deserves to be going out with someone like you.

Good luck with your attitude ... I can see a happy future for you ...

Mr. Incognito

Your public id lists you as 26 yet you are 29 in the OP. or someone who is not trolling you are doing a damn good job of it- I personally thing you have taken a little too much slack but people hate cheaters and you'll have to realise that from the scenario you have outlined, it is, in fact, cheating.

Melion

Beetlebum wrote: »

I usually get bored if I'm being honest, I get alot of male attention and don't need to stick with one guy like a lot of desperados on here do...like u I'm sure..

Ahh, that makes you a slut so. Sorry, i hadnt realised.

doctor_gonzo

Ah luv it sounds like you have a serious problem in your view of men. Just because someone chooses to build a relationship with a person and be respectful of their feelings does not make them a desperado. I think if that is your attitude going into a relationship then you really need to make that clear, otherwise you're just being cruel. As a woman your attitude astounds me...

smartypants

well dont come on here spouting ****e then, if you like to sleep around well then do it but dont involve a guy when you know you will end up cheating

turnsoutIwas

I'm not even gonna bother.....hope your relationship works out perfect tho.

dblennon

jesus since when is 3 months marriage.

copeyhagen

Beetlebum wrote: »

Of course I used protection

she had her 9 milly

Femelade

Beetlebum wrote: »

it's pretty much a given that we don't score other people

Well, thats not entirely true, if he goes away for a weekend and you go off with someone else

Beetlebum wrote: »

My rule is, if he hasn't said I love you yet then you can do what you want really. Although if he cheated on me

Thats complete crap, and if you believe that then how will you ever have a proper relationship with someone?? Do you want them to tell you they love you on the first date? At 29 i think you are extremely childish..