Boyfriend never came home from stag

LegacyUser

My boyfriend who I live with went on a stag on Saturday morning. The last time I spoke to him was Saturday evening at 7.30.

It is now monday morning and I have not heard from him. His phone is off. Probably out of battery. Fair enough, I hear you say, but he brought his charger with him! Queue lots of smoking and a sleepless night for me. I am sure how to react. I just want to know he is ok. I do not know any of the numbers of the guys he is with. As far as I am aware, he did not have the day off work. Part of me want to kill him, the other part just wants to know he/everything is ok.

all the stars

oooooh.... thats difficult.. surely someone you know- knows someone who was there?
hopefully he's ok..

chuci

do you know any of his friends girlfriends that he went away with that you could call to there house or ring them and just say oh i haven heard from(enter boyfriends name) just wondering if you heard anything about how the stag went?is this possible at all? im sure everything is ok. if they went abroad for the stag maybe doesnt have an adaptor and couldnt charge his phone- it happens. or else they all slept in and missed their flight home? if it was anything serious im sure you would have been contacted. easy to say but try not to worry.

Miss Fluff

Where did they go on the stag (bear in mind most flights out of Heathrow were postponed yesterday) and when was he actually due back?

LegacyUser

The stag was on in Kerry. Not too far from where we live. I dont know any of their girlfriends.

Poppers1888

Are you in work today? try not to worry too much there is probably a reasonable explanation, is there any friend of his that you can call that knows someone else who was on stag??

maybe he lost his phone and they are still partying??? you know what guys are like when together

JackieO

When was he due home?

I would be worried too. Although he's more than likely fine. Put it this way, if there was anything seriously wrong you would have heard by now, honestly.

Try not to worry too much. Chances are you will hear from him by lunch time.

Sherifu

Sounds like serious drinking was done. If you don't hear from him soon i'd be getting concerned.

funky_monkey

would you think about ringing his home? two days in a long time not to hear from your boyfriend.

Quality

If he was my fella, I would kill him,

Does he do this sort of stuff often?

ted1

when was he due back??

if he was due back yesterday yes give his home call. your living together and the least he can do is to let you know that he won't be home. try to give his work a call.

LegacyUser

I was busting my brain trying to think of someone to call about this. I rang my sister. She got onto some people she knows, who know him. Apparently they were late night drinking in a local bar till the early hours this morning. That is all we know. No actual sign of him yet. I feel so stupid and angry. What a huge lack of respect. I am a bit mixed up at the moment. My sister who lives near us is going to check now if he has arrived back yet.

I don’t have a good feeling about this. I cannot concentrate on work. Am worn out.
Once before when we were only going out a few months, he disappeared for 2 days again after the local team won a cup or something. He swore to me that he wouldn’t do it again. Or at least that he would call me and let me know hes ok (that’s all I want to know). Cheating has crossed my mind, amongst other things although he says hes never cheated. He obviously has a lack of respect for me. Would you do it to your partner? Should I come down on him hard?

He was due home last night. As far as I know he didn’t have the day off work. He is 35 by the way. Jesus just rereading all the above, I don’t deserve this.

Miss Fluff

So the stag was near your home in Kerry, he was due home yesterday, you live together and have not heard a peep from him? Yes OP, every right to be concerned. You should phone his work. The chances are they all went on a bender though and he is probably asleep at a bus stop with a traffic cone on his head or what have you but you should phone his work in any event to see if he has checked in with them.

Aurora Borealis

I'd try absolutely everone else I could before calling his work just in case you land him in it. It could well be they just went hard at it and are snoring their heads off. Even if you don't know anyone actually on the stag you must know one or two of his friends and they might know someone who was on stag or have a better idea of what they were up to or where they were staying etc.

God you poor poor thing. I'd be freaked too.

Saruman

Why are you on a message board about this? You should be calling everyone you know, especially his family and job to find him and failing that, calling the police to see if they have some drunk in a cell or worse...

If you do not know his mates numbers, surely you know names and where abouts they live... so get the phone book out.

Overheal

I would be worried. I don't say that often.

bills

poor you, do you know where he is staying? try ringing the hotel/b&b/house etc?

JackieO

He's gone on a massive piss up, phoned in sick to work and not bothered to get in touch.

The only thing I would be worried about is he lack of respect for you in not getting in touch, particularly when ye are living together. He deserves a good kick in the you know where and then throw him out of the house.

Sorry to be blunt but this guy needs to grow up!

Beruthiel

StagGoneWrong wrote: »

He obviously has a lack of respect for me.

Lack?
I would say none whatsoever!

Would you do it to your partner?

Never. Nor would he. It's manners to let your partner know if you are going to be late. It's to stop them worrying about you. To do it for so long is outrageous. He cares nothing for your feelings and absolutely no excuse will do for this. Certainly not a flat battery. We have public telephones in this country, his friends have phones. There is no excuse.
Anyone ever did that to me would get hell when they eventually turned up. It wouldn't happen twice.

heavyheart

JackieO wrote: »

The only thing I would be worried about is he lack of respect for you in not getting in touch, particularly when ye are living together. He deserves a good kick in the you know where and then throw him out of the house.

+1

Aurora Borealis

StagGoneWrong wrote: »

I was busting my brain trying to think of someone to call about this. I rang my sister. She got onto some people she knows, who know him. Apparently they were late night drinking in a local bar till the early hours this morning. That is all we know. No actual sign of him yet. I feel so stupid and angry. What a huge lack of respect. I am a bit mixed up at the moment. My sister who lives near us is going to check now if he has arrived back yet.

I don’t have a good feeling about this. I cannot concentrate on work. Am worn out.
Once before when we were only going out a few months, he disappeared for 2 days again after the local team won a cup or something. He swore to me that he wouldn’t do it again. Or at least that he would call me and let me know hes ok (that’s all I want to know). Cheating has crossed my mind, amongst other things although he says hes never cheated. He obviously has a lack of respect for me. Would you do it to your partner? Should I come down on him hard?

He was due home last night. As far as I know he didn’t have the day off work. He is 35 by the way. Jesus just rereading all the above, I don’t deserve this.

Rereading your post the fact that he was in pub last night til wee hours would probably confirm he's sleeping it off somewhere. Someone you know must know someone else that was on the stag to see if they've checked in. I would still myself hold off on ringing his work but obviously you know his form better than anyone here. I'd be livid too if I were you but have gone on benders of the like myself so can see how it can happen. It's not right though and a man of his age should know better than to leave you sick with worry this long.

Collie D

Probably just got locked and slept in a mate's. Could be still sleeping it off. Have done it myself

Dizzyblonde

I wouldn't waste too much energy on worry at this stage, if he anything bad had happened you'd know by now. I'd be far more worried about this lack of respect for you.
There really isn't any excuse for not letting you know what was happening - and if he's been too incoherent for 3 days to even text or phone you is this the type of man you want?

heavyheart

I think its incredibly selfish that he hasn't even given you a text or a quick call. No excuse for his behavior.

dudara

First step, practical step, ring his workplace and see if he is there.

Second step, tougher one, talk to him about his lack of respect for you. You need to tell him that when you share your life and home with someone, you have a duty of care to them.

On an aside, if you live with this man, how is it you don't know any of the friends with whom he went on a stag? Does he keep you separate?

Collie D

Has anyone considered the fact that the guy lost his phone?

Electric

Do you know anyone in his work that he's friendly with? You could give them a ring. He may have mentioned to them what his plans were or he might have rang them to say he wouldn't be in?

The other posters are right his behaviour is utterly unbelievable and inexcusable, it's not like there are a shortage of phones in Ireland! If it were me I would flatten him for being so disrespectful!!!

Aurora Borealis

Dizzyblonde wrote: »

I wouldn't waste too much energy on worry at this stage, if he anything bad had happened you'd know by now. I'd be far more worried about this lack of respect for you.
There really isn't any excuse for not letting you know what was happening - and if he's been too incoherent for 3 days to even text or phone you is this the type of man you want?

I don't think we can judge him on getting blotto at a friends stag. It is all too common an activity in this Country and we don't know if this is his usual behaviour. He should have texted or phoned granted. As I said I've done it too and knew I was in the wrong but got carried away. I apologised and wouldn't do it again and I'm sure this guy will too unless he's pretty thick! Personally I'd be majorly peeved but probable forgive if there weren't repeat performances.

koneko

Collie D wrote: »

Has anyone considered the fact that the guy lost his phone?

And doesn't know his girlfriend's mobile, or their house phone number, or her work number, or where she works (and asks to talk to her)? He's not in another country (he's not far away), and there are phones everywhere.

OP's boyfriend sound like a <insert something bad here>. The very least he could have done is call her to tell her he's okay and where he's at. I hope nothing bad happened, and if he's okay, I'm sure he's in for a bollocking (and rightly so).

Collie D

I'm just playing devil's advocate here as everyone seems to be slagging off the bf. The OP has never indicated that he has done anything like this before and there are people who are basically saying to dump his ass.

He was on a stag weekend. I am guessing that the majority of posters here are women. Stag weekends are an escape from girlfriends/wives etc. He probably got rat-arsed drunk and is sleeping it off somewhere.

Cut him a bit of slack.

koneko

She specifically said that he *has* done this kind of thing before, disappeared for 2 days, and then swore it would never happen again.

Yeah, stag weekends are time away from the gf, but a quick text or call wouldn't kill him. They're living together, not "just" dating.

Mitch Connor

Collie D wrote: »

I'm just playing devil's advocate here as everyone seems to be slagging off the bf. The OP has never indicated that he has done anything like this before and there are people who are basically saying to dump his ass.

He was on a stag weekend. I am guessing that the majority of posters here are women. Stag weekends are an escape from girlfriends/wives etc. He probably got rat-arsed drunk and is sleeping it off somewhere.

Cut him a bit of slack.

The OP said he disappeared for 2 days after a match earlier in their relationship, and promised he would never do something like that again.

Miss Fluff

I'd make a point of dropping him in it at work. Just plead innocence and say you were distraught with worry (which is true). Regardless of how p1ssed he was or how carried away he got, he is 35 ffs and should at least have had the courtesy to let you know he wouldn't be home last night.

Aurora Borealis

Them's nasty games to be playing where works concerned.
I agree Collie D and I'm female, he's not the first or last person to have gotten carried away when out on session with friends. I don't think it's a sackable offence if it's not common practice. Would expect some apologising though!

Collie D

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I'd make a point of dropping him in it at work. Just plead innocence and say you were distraught with worry (which is true). Regardless of how p1ssed he was or how carried away he got, he is 35 ffs and should at least have had the courtesy to let you know he wouldn't be home last night.

That's harsh and borderline psychotic. I never got the whole "woman scorned" thing. If a man did the same he would lambasted and rightly so

Apologies, I msut have missed the bit that said he had previous form.

MIN2511

Has it occured to anyone that something went wrong! Not just misplacing his phone, i would be worried about his safety FIRST

Beaucoupfish

it's a pity he hasn't called but I'd say he has gone on a bender. He should surface soon. Make sure he grovels.

Glowing

The OP didn't say whether or not she was living with him? Or am I missing something?

If so, then i'd be a bit mad, otherwise I don't think you should overreact. We're all entitled to head out on a bender every once in a while.

whiskeyman

Glowing wrote: »

The OP didn't say whether or not she was living with him? Or am I missing something?

yup

StagGoneWrong wrote: »

My boyfriend who I live with.

Glowing wrote: »

We're all entitled to head out on a bender every once in a while.

Too right, but have the courtesy and respect to let your other half know you're ok if you don't arrive when expected.
I hope he has a good excuse... :pac:

Femelade

i would be rightly pissed off at this stage, mixed with major worry too incase something serious has happened.
I would definately ring his work...
And i would give him a serious talking to when he does get back..

Beerlao

my god some of you people are judgmental. you're not even speculating, you've already decided he's a kunt

tonc76

If he didn't arrive home he hardly went to work now did he? He was in the local last night so got locked and crashed in someones house.

You can have your say when he gets home but hanging him in work is not on.

Immature of him not to call but to dump him would be extreme

Abi

I did a kind of speed read over the thread, but didn't catch a mention of the hotel / B&B he was staying in. Does the OP know? That would have been my first port-of-call. Again, Beruthial has an important point. We have telephone boxes.

I have to admit, I would be out of my mind with worry too. A lot of men have a nasty habit of packing their bags for stags and leaving their senses at home. If he doesn't get in touch in the coming days, I think my next move would be to phone local hospitals etc.

I just hope nothing bad comes of this, and as a phone call home is pretty basic - it is starting to look unlikely.

Gumbyman

Cut the guy some slack. He probably just got hammered and crashed somewhere. I'd say he's feeling bad enough now and the last thing he needs is you to start laying into him. He should have called but when you're out on one of these sessions time flies away and the last thing you want is for your other half to know how twisted you are. He'll probably need a few days to recover. Be nice to him until then and maybe then have a chat and let him know you were unhappy with what he did. It's not like he killed anybody.

Mazeire

Its not wheather he has or has not gone on a bender and has possible woken up this morning chained to a lampost in Paris he could at least ring/ text to go "Yo! i'm alive!"

If you can stay at your parents or a friends for a while do. Stop trying to get in contact with him. It gets you out of the house and gets you talking to people intead of sitting in worrying at your plave. It also might give him a taster of not knowing what is going on is like

Gumbyman

Mazeire wrote: »

If you can stay at your parents or a friends for a while do. Stop trying to get in contact with him. It gets you out of the house and gets you talking to people intead of sitting in worrying at your plave. It also might give him a taster of not knowing what is going on is like

That's a great idea! Maybe turn off your phone. He'll get the point, and be able to recouperate in peace to think about what he has done.

IanCurtis

"Ring his work"???

Are you fcuking serious? You're gonna land him one hell of a mess doing that...what kind of people are you?

He was on a stags and never rang...big fcuking deal.

OP you seriously need to relax - you're not his mother

vorbis

Not contacting is not on but still it was a stag weekend? I don't understand the level of outrage. If I don't hear from my girlfriend for 2 days I wouldn't assume she's in hospital or prison! The facts are he went on a stag weekend and didn't call.

That is disrespectful but its not the end of the world. OP he's probably fine, I wouldn't be getting worried about him.

As for ratting him out at work. If my gf did that to me, it would be a straight dumping offense!

Glowing

Yeah I don't see what the big deal is - if your boyfriend can't go out for 2 days without having to contact you, either you don't trust him or you're very controlling.

Everyone needs a bit of space.

Edit: By the sounds of it, his hangover will be punishment enough

Galadriel

Glowing wrote: »

Yeah I don't see what the big deal is - if your boyfriend can't go out for 2 days without having to contact you, either you don't trust him or you're very controlling.

Everyone needs a bit of space.

I don't think the issue is that the OP's boyfriend has just not been in touch, they LIVE together and he never came home or rang, surely regardless off who you live with..boyfriend, parent etc. its common decency to let them know if you're not going to make it home, otherwise how do you know they aren't in trouble?

Quality

Glowing wrote: »

Yeah I don't see what the big deal is - if your boyfriend can't go out for 2 days without having to contact you, either you don't trust him or you're very controlling.

Everyone needs a bit of space.

:mad::mad:


Emm the problem is, he is suppossed to be an adult, In a relationship. He cant just come and go as he pleases. A little bit of give and take is needed.

Not bothering his arse to get in touch with this poor girl, whom I may add he is suppossed to love. well that is just not acceptable behaviour.

Of course this girl is bound to be worried about him. She doesnt know where he was? And this morning, she didnt know whether he was dead or alive...
I think it is fair for her to be annoyed at him.

All it would have taken was 1 minute to ring her and let her know he is safe, or wont be home. He could have borrowed one of his mates phones or used a public telephone.