Things in movies which are "normal"....

Duggy747

...and would never happen in real life.

Things that you just know in movies would never seem normal in reality.

No matter how hammered someone is, a cup of coffee can have them back to normal in seconds.

Evil henchmen, no matter how trained in ballistics, can never hit their target. However the untrained sidekick has a crackshot once a gun is lobbed into their hands.

(FILM) - When surrounded by a group of henchmen they'll attack you one at a time while the rest dance around in a circle.
(LIFE) - When surrounded by a group of "henchmen" they'll attack you at the same time and use your head as a trampoline.

When out of bullets you'll throw the gun away instead of keeping it.

In a chase when someone runs into a lift the other guy just bangs his fists on the door in frustration instead of pressing the button to open the doors again.

In comedies when somebody does something stupid like hilariously fall over and destroy things, their friends with them just stand there looking gormless instead of pissing themselves laughing!

cobweb

there is always a parking spot directly outside the building they want to go into esp in cop movies

The Denouncer

No matter how bad the car accident, the hero will emerge with a slight cut on his/her cheek and a slightly wobbly stance.

A policeman can shoot or punch as many bad guys as you like..you might get thrown off the case, or at worst suspended.

You can easily rob cars in America by pulling two wires and sticking them together. No cars are alarmed.

All cars explode when crashed.

Throwing a lit cigarette into a pool of petrol leads to a huge inferno to engulf anyone splashed within 10 yards.

All doors can be opened using a credit card.

You can hack into Government files in a matter of minutes from the basement of a family home in Ohio.

If you find yourself on train tracks and a train is coming, your first reaction is to lie down and let the train pass over you. The train will keep on going blaring its horn and not stop.

If a bomb explodes in your house, you can escape harm quite easily by jumping in the bath.

All clowns are evil. Every single one.

Zulu

Telephone numbers start with "555"

tbh

you can beat the crap out of any bloke you want and he won't display as much as a flicker of pain, until some woman wipes a bit of disinfectant on him.

Jello

People rarely say ''goodbye'' and seldom say ''hello'' on phones.

Pherekydes

The hero outruns the blast wave from an explosion.

orestes

That really ugly chick in your school/office is in fact an unbelievably sexy woman, as can be discovered via a five minute make-over, or even just by taking off their glasses

Ruu_Old

True to most crime shows today and some films, the surveillance cameras they use have amazing image quality even when zooming in.

Insect Overlord

orestes wrote: »

That really ugly chick in your school/office is in fact an unbelievably sexy woman, as can be discovered via a five minute make-over, or even just by taking off their glasses

Not Another Teen Movie ftw! :rolleyes:

ScumLord

All cars are equal so even a ferrari can't outrun a bus or pickup truck.

The Mouse hasn't been invented yet.

stevoman

people never say goodbye when they are on the phone!

javaboy

Jello wrote: »

People rarely say ''goodbye'' and seldom say ''hello'' on phones.

That pishes me off to no end. The only example I can think of offhand is Hostage (awful Bruce Willis cheese fest). Someone has his family hostage and they're talking to him on the phone. They say something like "You just have to sit tight, we're on the home straight." and he just hangs up as if the conversation was over. Em.. if someone had my family hostage, I would make sure to say goodbye to the hostage taker rather than hanging up on them. :mad:

Another one that annoys me is how nobody ever seems to stumble over their words like most normal people do. Where's the ums, ehs and infactehs?

And what's with the impromptu speeches?

Riesen_Meal

People can leap through glass without getting hurt?

lol

orestes

At a highly emotional romantic moment between a couple in public, if you slowly start clapping your hands everyone will join in, instead of looking at you like you are a complete twat

humberklog

When a car hits a builder's skip it'll ramp over it.
All kids have mop hairdos.

spurious

People rarely go to the toilet, even in long hostage situations.

Farting is fairly rare too.

CCCP^

Everybody just turns Computers off at the switch instead of shutting it down safely.

javaboy

Ruu wrote: »

True to most crime shows today and some films, the surveillance cameras they use have amazing image quality even when zooming in.

"Zoom in. Enhance. What's that in his pocket. Zoom in. Enhance. Rotate that camera."
"Sorry sir, this is old CCTV footage not live."
"I don't give a goddamn son, now rotate that camera view before I zoom my fist in your eye and enhance your face!"

Fingerprint matching is perfect too. :mad:

c - 13

Years of training can be successfuly completed within a two minute montage to a catchy upbeat tune. At the end of the montage the protaganist rarely looks any older than when he began.

The protaganist can almost always drive a car/bike/truck/bus/boat when the occasion demands.

In any face-off the underdog protaganist can always come out on top by simply getting angry enough to set off some uplifting music in the background. Once this music kicks in the protaganist will undoubtedly make an unexpected comeback.

When being taught martial arts by your master (who hasnt taught another student in over twenty years) your training will usually include some sort of "Death Blow" technique

Loomis

Zulu wrote: »

Telephone numbers start with "555"

Legitimate reason for that though is morons tried calling the numbers listed in movies to contact the actors so they use the 555 code now

robinph

A bar/ pub/ nightclub has a maximum capacity of 3 people before it gets overcrowded.

monkeyfudge

Ships captains can perform marriage ceremonies.

You have to stay on the line in order for them to get a trace on the call.

orestes

Despite being a muscle-bound neandarthal killing machine, after killing an enemy all action heroes become momentarily possessed with Oscar Wilde like wit and fire off a one liner relevant to the way they just killed their enemy

Ishmael

People using computers never need to use the mouse.

Beelzebub

Jello wrote: »

People rarely say ''goodbye'' and seldom say ''hello'' on phones.

In America that's mostly true.

c - 13

Almost forgot, once you kill someone attempting to murder you (be it serial killer or some sort of monstrosity) if you take your eyes off the body they will dissapear, failing that if you approach the body they will attempt to attack you one last time.

If in your own home being chased by a person intent on harming you the most logical thing to do is run upstairs, if you are female you must do this in your most revealing lingerie.

Killgore Trout

Drivers spend more time looking at the passenger they're talking to than looking at the road, yet still manage not to crash

Beelzebub

The Denouncer wrote: »

No matter how bad the car accident, the hero will emerge with a slight cut on his/her cheek and a slightly wobbly stance.

A policeman can shoot or punch as many bad guys as you like..you might get thrown off the case, or at worst suspended.

You can easily rob cars in America by pulling two wires and sticking them together. No cars are alarmed.

All cars explode when crashed.

Throwing a lit cigarette into a pool of petrol leads to a huge inferno to engulf anyone splashed within 10 yards.

All doors can be opened using a credit card.

You can hack into Government files in a matter of minutes from the basement of a family home in Ohio.

If you find yourself on train tracks and a train is coming, your first reaction is to lie down and let the train pass over you. The train will keep on going blaring its horn and not stop.

If a bomb explodes in your house, you can escape harm quite easily by jumping in the bath.

All clowns are evil. Every single one.

You can easily rob cars in America by pulling two wires and sticking them together. No cars are alarmed.

I have to say that a lot of cars here aren't alarmed! But then it may just be a quiet community.

javaboy

That thing the hooker is hiding behind her back isn't drugs but dental floss.

AlmightyCushion

robinph wrote: »

A bar/ pub/ nightclub has a maximum capacity of 3 people before it gets overcrowded.

And you can hear someone across the room call your name instead of being deafened by crap music.

seamus

(FILM) All computer hackers are healthy, suavely-dressed reformed criminals who can break into any computer on the planet with 2 minutes of sitting at any other computer on the planet.

(LIFE) All computer criminals are 25 stone loners who rarely wear many clothes and will spend weeks or months of their time sitting at a computer with a very rare, specific and custom set of tools, attempting to steal information from a single system.

(FILM) All city nightclubs are bright and airy, have hot women hanging around the bar (occassionally dancing on it) and the music is never so loud that you can't hear people talking from 5 metres away.

(LIFE) All city nightclubs are dark and hot, have 4-deep queues at the bar and you never have to suffer the indignation of hearing anything but the music.

humberklog

there are no skangers just 'punks'.

Hellm0

All women can be seduced and bedded within a few short scenes.

People don't do nothing. I sit around my apartment doing sweet f*ck all alot of the time.

Seems like people can support a family in upper middle class fashion merely by working in a low income job. Does not make sense.

No one can aim at all, except possibly the main characters.

Every Asian person knows Karate.

so many more.

BaconZombie

When you only have a knife or small gun and you kill somebody with a better weapon you don;t take the better one...,!?!?!?

tbh

Weather satellites can be reprogrammed to control the weather instead of just reporting it. Using Basic.

Also, the most complex system can be broken into by typing "override all security".


//richard pryor RIP//

javaboy

People on subway trains will hold up the newspaper in such a way that you can see the article showing your face and saying you're wanted in relation to a murder. They will give you just enough time to recognise your own face, then they will turn over the paper and look repeatedly back and forth between your face and the newspaper.


Repeatedly disconnecting a phone connection is the best way to reconnect. :rolleyes:

javaboy

seamus wrote: »

(FILM) All computer hackers are healthy, suavely-dressed reformed criminals who can break into any computer on the planet with 2 minutes of sitting at any other computer on the planet.

(LIFE) All computer criminals are 25 stone loners who rarely wear many clothes and will spend weeks or months of their time sitting at a computer with a very rare, specific and custom set of tools, attempting to steal information from a single system.

Actually I think films tend to swing wildly between the two. It's usually either one or t'other.

javaboy

You can slap a hysterical woman in the face and still be in the good books. Doesn't happen.

Loomis

Anytime you're locked out of a house/car you can punch through the glass with your elbow or fist and the glass breaks beautifully and doesn't shred you to bits

pickarooney

When you punch someone in the face it makes a sound like a whip cracking.

Getting shot in the shoulder is only a minor irritant, unless it's through a bulletproof vest, in which case 'nobody ever told you it would hurt that much'.

Nobody's ever heard of a head-shot (outside of Boogie Nights)

If you're a criminal being taken away in an FBI van you will at some point be the only survivor and sole escapee when an unmarked vehicle rams the van.

seamus

The enemy will always come around a corner or come through a door without looking or shooting.

When surprised, the enemy will always pause for a millisecond to give you a chance to shoot first.

No matter how heavily guarded the installation, there is always a rear door or hatch that's not being monitored.

javaboy

seamus wrote: »

No matter how heavily guarded the installation, there is always a rear door or hatch that's not being monitored.

In Futurama, the Death Star had an appropriately labelled Achilles Vent


Here's another one: Of all the people, in all the fictional pretend world, Keanu Reeves would be the Messiah. Rubbish. Even Rick Moranis would be ahead of him.

mickoneill30

All operating systems use a 48 pt font.
Whenever words are appearing on the computer screen the computer will make a clicking noise.

Dirty Dave

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stormtrooper_effect

The Principle of Evil Marksmanship (also known as the Stormtrooper Effect among Star Wars fans) is that enemy marksmen in action films are often very bad shots and almost never harm the main characters.


Also check out The Law of Inverse Ninja Strength
Cant find anything decent on it in Wiki but knock yourselves out.

PullMyFinger!

Shouldnt this be in Films?

Oh wait - it'd be locked for been a List

Agamemnon

No-one in films bothers to get a proper ringtone for their phones. They all sound the same.

PullMyFinger!

Agamemnon wrote: »

No-one in films bothers to get a proper ringtone for their phones. They all sound the same.

Except in 24, although technically not a film, it has to be said CTU had a unique one

ojewriej

Vince Vaughn is funny

Dord

Beelzebub wrote: »

In America that's mostly true.

I've noticed that, and find it extremely rude. :mad:

javaboy

Up until very recently Hollywood tried to keep mobile phones out of films because it ruined many a "stranded in the woods" plot if they could just ring for help. Now it's quite normal to see the hero/heroine's battery die or signal disappear at a very inconvenient moment.


People's computer passwords can be guessed by looking around their desk or by simply going through the names of their close family+pets. This will not take more than 3 tries.