Jealousy - men and women

LegacyUser

Hi there

i am a female going out with my partner for a few years ...
sometimes i read about men and jealousy issues and im just wondering if it is normal for my boyfriend to never ever get jealous ?????
he says he never gets jealous and that he just isnt like other guys which is probably a great trait to have ... only thing is.... i actually want him to be a little jealous every now and then ... i want him to feel a little threatened if someone is chatting me up ... i feel like he doesnt care and thats why he doesnt get jealous...

is this normal for him to never be jealous ??

Wibbs

Is it normal that he trusts you completely and doesn't care about whatever guy flirts with you? I would say that's pretty good if everything else is good in the relationship. This is how you feel about yourself, not how he feels about you really. A fully secure guy will not be jealous. Simple as that. If he feels he can trust you completely and also that you're better with him than someone else then why should he be? I'm not the jealous type myself, though I have noted in relationships in the past similar to what you're saying. In those cases I faked it sometimes, just to make them feel better. Make them feel I wasn't taking them for granted, even if every other area of the relationship I wasn't. Sometimes they needed the social expression of that which was a little jealousy. You do what you do to grease the wheel so to speak.

folan

i get jelous all the time, but i try to hide it cause in the end, if she decides to go with someone else she'll never go home with me again. Maybe he thinks like that.

sorry it sounds a bit harsh, but look at it this way, if you decide you want to go with someone else, he wont stop you by being jelous and clingy.

LegacyUser

Your right , i do kinda feel like its more to do with an issue i have and not him..
i just wanted to see if anyone out there was similar to him and it seems there is !
its good to hear someone elses point of view , thanks wibbs..

Beruthiel

mk2000 wrote: »

i feel like he doesnt care and thats why he doesnt get jealous...

Sounds to me like you have a well balanced b/f instead of some clingy loolaa.
As Wibbs said, he obviously trusts you, therefore if someone chats you up, no problem.
And yes, this is about you, not him.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

Sounds to me like you have a well balanced b/f instead of some clingy loolaa.
As Wibbs said, he obviously trusts you, therefore if someone chats you up, no problem.
And yes, this is about you, not him.

Clingy Loolaa ??? Now what part of my post indicated that im a clingly loolaa ? i trust my boyfriend completley and he always goes out whenever he wants .

Beruthiel

mk2000 wrote: »

Clingy Loolaa ??? Now what part of my post indicated that im a clingly loolaa ? i trust my boyfriend completley and he always goes out whenever he wants .

Paranoid much?
How did you get that from my above comment?

To clarify.
I said.
Is it not better to have a well balanced b/f than to have a b/f who is a clingly loolaa.

LegacyUser

Sorry sorry sorry , totally picked your post up wrong ... i am a twat...

She Devil

I'm always telling my boyfriend to get jealous more ... haha truth be known i'd go mental if he was like me!

LegacyUser

Thank you see devil ! Thats exactly how i feel ... we're never happy are we

Placebo

what is wrong with women?
now please go out and buy your bf a XBOX360 for even thinking about this.

biko

I think it's kinda normal for a girl to want her man to be a bit jealous. I guess it means (to her) he is not taking her for granted and will fight for her devotion.

ergonomics

I'm never jealous of my boyfriend. He's a DJ and he often comes home telling me of the girls who are chatting him up that night. Some might think he's a prat but I see that he's being completely honest with me and as such I trust him completely which means I have no need for jealousy!

You should be happy that your boyfriend trusts you enough to not get jealous. It's a rare thing to find.

TerrorFirmer

I never get jealous and it is most certainly not because I do not care.

LegacyUser

I am thankful i have a very trusting boyfriend , but sometimes you need to hear/read other peoples opinions for different points of view etc... i dont think ill ever stop wanting him to be a little , and i stress little , jealous ..but i will accept that just because he doesnt get jealous doesnt mean he doesnt care.

tbh

sometimes people mistake a lack of jealousy for a lack of passion. (s)he doesn't react when people chat me up - therefore (s)he doesn't love me. Your boyfriend could be the "if she wants to cheat, it's her loss" type - that would be my type as well.

LegacyUser

yea well i think your right , i have this conversation with him and he feels as you do that if i want to cheat then he isnt going to stop me it is my decision... but sometimes girls like the feeling of being fought a little for .. i certainly like the idea of my boyfriend coming over and standing beside me if he thought a guy was chatting me up ... i dont like the idea of being left there getting chatted up while my boyfriend stays over with his friends drinking like nothing is happening !!! Now ... NOT that this situation often occurs cause it really doesnt , all im saying is i like the knight in shining armour idea ! ill probably get slated on here for writing that now but hows ever

Irishcrx

Well me and my gf are completely oppiside on this, she gets extremely jealous as in wants to know where I am, who i'm with, can't invite girls to the house without telling her , and if i'm caught talking or flirting on a night out she goes mad.

Where as I honestly don't mind her going out with friends, I encourage it, Even when I know guy's that fancy her I still invite them up if their friends of hers and treat them with respect even though I know given half the chance they'd stab me in the back in a heartbeat...I just don't get jealous.

Beruthiel

mk2000 wrote: »

all im saying is i like the knight in shining armour idea !

As mod of PI, I'm not going to print what I would really like to say with regards to the above comment. Otherwise, I'd have to ban myself.

Childrens fairytales and womens magazines have a lot to answer to, this is the real world and you appear to have a b/f who thinks you can actually take care of yourself. Is that not good enough for you?

AngryBadger

I generally try to avoid this kind of commentary but I can't help myself right now;

You bf is comfortable in your relationship, and obviously trusts you completely, and yet you have a problem with that.

Seriously, wtf?

If he was getting jealous all the time you'd be whinging about him being too possessive, when he doesn't get jealous at all you complain about that as well.

You need to take a look at yourself, why do you care so much about him being jealous?

Kintarō Hattori

My girlfriend is incredibly jealous depsite my best efforts to assure her that I'm head over heels in love with her and will marry her. I don't give her any reason to be jealous but it's just in her nature. It's caused numerous rows in the past.
I on the otherhand don't get jealous. As I mentioned I love her completely and utterly and know that she would never do anything with another guy while we were together. She's a decent sort and she just wouldn't be capable of it. Because of that I have no reason to be jealous of her and it does annoy her. She feels that I should be a little jealous but I know I have no reason to be.

As other posters have said, if your boyfriend loves you and is secure in the relationship he feels he has no reason to be jealous, he trusts you. I really can't understand why you need him to be jealous. It's an ugly emotion and can cause alot of strife. You should be delighted that he trusts you and try and use that to strenghten your relationship with him.

LegacyUser

Oh Beruthriel god relax a bit would you ? All I said was i like the knight in shining armour idea , i didnt say i expect it or i get it or anything like that and just cause im not like you doesnt mean you can mock what i think or belittle it.

Angry badger , i dont exactly have a problem with it i just asked was it normal ? And from what i gather , it is fairly common .. so now i no im not alone on it , that itself makes me feel better .. but , i will say , if you feel like you wouldnt normally comment , try hold yourself back , i didnt find your post constructive at all.

I wrote this post to get different points of views and i got so thank you and ive taken what i can from it . So thanks to everyone for their points of view its really given me a better insight to it.

RedXIV

this has the potential to go wrong if you push it lass. I wouldn't call myself a jealous person either and if i may rob your example, if you were at a bar ordering drinks (true chivarly there ) while i was at a table with mates, a guy coming to chat you up wouldn't bother me in the slightest. alright if you gave me a signal or something i'd come up to check on ya but apart from that, i'd expect you to use common sense.

What you SHOULDN'T do is probe to see just how jealous or not jealous he is, because you're on a fast track to disaster then. flirting with everyone outrageously to get a reaction out of the guy that you're already going home with is pointless and not necessary. some guys don't get jealous. your b/f doesn't. count yourself lucky

LegacyUser

I do count myself lucky , i honestly do and i am delighted to get your point of views its just shows me how different sometimes men and women can think ...
i do feel a sense of great relief to no that other blokes act in the same manner as he does , youve no idea how much ...
This post has been a great great great help to me , thanks for all your input ...

BankMan

I don't mean to be inflammatory, but reading so called "PI"s like this really wind me up. You want the poor fella to be goldilocks - not too jealous, not jealous enough, just right.

It's hard being a bloke.:eek:

Overheal

I envy that man. Jealousy is an awful feeling. Just thinking about some past examples I wanna beat the living crap out of my laptop

Jack B. Badd

mk2000 wrote: »

Angry badger , i dont exactly have a problem with it i just asked was it normal ? And from what i gather , it is fairly common .. so now i no im not alone on it , that itself makes me feel better ..

Why do you need your relationship to confirm to the norm?

Ickle Magoo

Jealousy is a negative emotion. It's about power & control & lack of self-confidence & trust. It's not an emotion you want to have in your relationship, certainly not one you should be wishing you had. If you don't feel secure about your other-halves emotions then ask that he demonstrate them by being more tactile or telling you, there are much better ways of showing you care than being jealous.

tbh

mk2000 wrote: »

Oh Beruthriel god relax a bit would you ? All I said was i like the knight in shining armour idea , i didnt say i expect it or i get it or anything like that and just cause im not like you doesnt mean you can mock what i think or belittle it.

Angry badger , i dont exactly have a problem with it i just asked was it normal ? And from what i gather , it is fairly common .. so now i no im not alone on it , that itself makes me feel better .. but , i will say , if you feel like you wouldnt normally comment , try hold yourself back , i didnt find your post constructive at all.

I wrote this post to get different points of views and i got so thank you and ive taken what i can from it . So thanks to everyone for their points of view its really given me a better insight to it.

just remember - it's totally ok to want any type of man you want. If you want the type of guy that throws petals at your feet, or threatens any bloke that so much as looks at you, it affects nobody but yourself, right? Don't beat yourself because you want a particular type of bloke, but I'll tell you now - if you think you can "settle", maybe you should be thinking again. If this is something that will niggle you over time, and as I said - totally your prerogative - then think about trying to find someone who rocks your boat a bit more.

Consider this tho - it's one thing to set standards, and I think one of lifes secrets is figuring out what you will, and more importantly what you wont, accept in a relationship - but once you've established that, you'll never be happy in a relationship if you know that whatever it is you want is lacking. If you are going to set particular standards, then deal with the fact that they are your standards and you may not find anyone who meets them. Knowing that is the price you pay for being picky :

Just be honest with yourself and you won't go wrong.

Overheal

mk2000 wrote: »

all im saying is i like the knight in shining armour idea !

"Last week it was my birthday, and as a treat my husband said he would take me out and treat me like a Princess. And he was true to his word, getting blind drunk and crashing into a wall killing me instantly"

Cars are shiney. Be careful what you wish for

Beruthiel

mk2000 wrote: »

All I said was i like the knight in shining armour idea , i didnt say i expect it

I know you didn't out and out say you expect it. But you do though, at least be honest with yourself.
You wouldn't be on here conplaining about him not acting like a jealous knight coming to rescue the maiden in need.

just cause im not like you doesnt mean you can mock what i think or belittle it.

When reality is bent so out of proportion that it comes straight from a fairytale and is actually expected in real life, then yes, it does indeed need to be pointed out.
You set yourself up for a long drop into reality when you go thinking that this is how life should be.
You've raised the bar so high, that no man or woman can match up to that expectation.
It's obvious you are young. I was trying to save you that long drop and prevent you learning it the hard way. Instead of taking that on board, you got offended. Think about that for a while, it'll save you a lot of grief in the future.

LegacyUser

Guys guys guys ... some of you are on here criticizing me because your taking what i wrote and making it personal to you or your situation... i don't no how many more times i have to say it , i am grateful that he isnt a jealous manic ok ? all i wanted to see was if there were more men out there like him , which i found out there is , simple as ...
sometimes i think some of you are just on here to pick holes and start arguments .....
Please leave the subject alone now , thanks for your comments.

Aurora Borealis

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Jealousy is a negative emotion. It's about power & control & lack of self-confidence & trust. It's not an emotion you want to have in your relationship, certainly not one you should be wishing you had. If you don't feel secure about your other-halves emotions then ask that he demonstrate them by being more tactile or telling you, there are much better ways of showing you care than being jealous.

Best description of it I've ever come across. Truely is a very negative emotion. Am not naturally this way and friends and partners have commented on it before but found myself becoming so when I was feeling very insecure in a pretty tricky relationship. If I ever find myself feeling that way again I'll know it's a very bad sign and will remove myself from the situation.

OP you should be delighted your SO isn't the jealous type. It's difficult to say the least dealing with someone who is!

TEH REAL CDP

mk2000 wrote: »

i am grateful that he isnt a jealous manic ok ? all i wanted to see was if there were more men out there like him , which i found out there is , simple as ...

I think you have missed the point. There are not many like him.

Personally, I wouldn't get jealous of anyone approaching my gf. I trust her completely and she does me. Of course if someone is deliberately being a dick to her in terms of not leaving her alone, a simple calculated look is all I need to give to the muppet in question. I've never had any trouble because she doesn't facilitate negative attention and she's genuine.

You should feel really lucky. I remember I once had to pin a young fella in college against the wall after he saw his gf talking to another lad, he became so jealous. There's nothing attractive about insecurity, your bf sounds mature, responsible and confident. This whole knight in shining armour thing is a pile of crap as previous posters have suggested. I suggest you go and repay him in kind.

I really hope you appreciate him. I dumped my ex for being a neurotic nutjob - she deliberately tried to make me jealous and I copped on. I think if he saw this, he wouldn't be long doing the same. Time to re-evaluate your stance on your relationship methinks.

Talliesin

mk2000 wrote: »

Guys guys guys ... some of you are on here criticizing me because your taking what i wrote and making it personal to you

No, it's personal to you and the poor bastard you're dating.

Find professional counselling.

Sprouts

Wanting someone to feel jealous over you sounds a little bit warped, you should be glad with what you have, and a bit less insecure by the sound off things, best off luck to the BF.

Dellboy2007

This is one of the strangest posts i've ever came across. Now, i'm not saying that you are but, *if* you were intentionally setting out to make your b/f jealous you are a very cold-hearted individual.

Seriously why would you want him to be jealous?? Is it that your relationship is so boring or is it simply because you are a female dog?

Carrigart Exile

I am not jealous. I have been out with women in teh past who have deliberately flirted and been touchy feely to get me jealous. I have always left them too it, and walked away from those relationships. I feel I deserve better and some sham attempt to make me feel jealous, so that they can feel better about themselves (!?!) shows me nil respect. This is playing with people's minds and is wrong and certainly is not the basis for a good loving relationship.

Aurora Borealis

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

This is playing with people's minds and is wrong and certainly is not the basis for a good loving relationship.

On the money there Carrigart Exile.

LegacyUser

Am , Did i say i was going out "trying" to make him jealous ????? No i didnt , so keep your assumptions to thine self please !

LegacyUser

I dont remember posting saying that i " try to make my boyfriend Jealous all the time" oh yea ... because i didnt ! Please dont make assumptions and referring to me in them , if you want to no facts then ask me . Its the only place youll get them.
as for someone calling me A female dog ? Do you normally go around calling people you no nothing about names . Its offensive and childish ,so refrain from it next time.

TEH REAL CDP

i think you should really get help.

Kintarō Hattori

Beruthiel wrote: »

I know you didn't out and out say you expect it. But you do though, at least be honest with yourself.
You wouldn't be on here conplaining about him not acting like a jealous knight coming to rescue the maiden in need.



When reality is bent so out of proportion that it comes straight from a fairytale and is actually expected in real life, then yes, it does indeed need to be pointed out.
You set yourself up for a long drop into reality when you go thinking that this is how life should be.
You've raised the bar so high, that no man or woman can match up to that expectation.
It's obvious you are young. I was trying to save you that long drop and prevent you learning it the hard way. Instead of taking that on board, you got offended. Think about that for a while, it'll save you a lot of grief in the future.

B - I think your fighting a losing battle. Some people have posted their opinions and gave some good honest advice, yet the OP seems intent on ignoring it all and trying to justify her position. She's not looking for advice, just someone to agree with her.

Davei141

eo980 wrote: »

B - I think your fighting a losing battle. Some people have posted their opinions and gave some good honest advice, yet the OP seems intent on ignoring it all and trying to justify her position. She's not looking for advice, just someone to agree with her.

I agree. OP your a loony and should count yourself privileged your not with a jealous possessive nut. But it seems you want to be, whatever floats your boat.

heavyheart

Im confused !!!! just after reading the whole thread from top to bottom !!
she has said that she is now glad that her OH isn't the jealous type and that she is now grateful ,after getting your opinions ,that he isn't jealous ...so why are you saying that all she is looking for is someone to agree with her and that she is a looney?

Davei141

.. i actually want him to be a little jealous every now and then ... i want him to feel a little threatened if someone is chatting me up ... i feel like he doesnt care and thats why he doesnt get jealous.

Yes you are confused. If you really think she has changed her whole way of looking at things over a few forums post you are naive in the extreme.

heavyheart

Davei141 wrote: »

Yes you are confused. If you really think she has changed her whole way of looking at things over a few forums post you are naive in the extreme.

Im just going on the information supplied ..... I thought thats what we all were doing ?
For you to comment on any ones future way of looking at things , now thats extreme...I think it possible to change your ways all you need is a little direction ... not people trying to put down your efforts , would you not agree..

Davei141

heavyheart wrote: »

Im just going on the information supplied ..... I thought thats what we all were doing ?
For you to comment on any ones future way of looking at things , now thats extreme...I think it possible to change your ways all you need is a little direction ... not people trying to put down your efforts , would you not agree..

Yes it is but some things are built in that take WAY more effort than a forum post to change your way of thinking. The OP has got the direction now lets see if she takes it. We will never know.

heavyheart

Davei141 wrote: »

Yes it is but some things are built in that take WAY more effort than a forum post to change your way of thinking. The OP has got the direction now lets see if she takes it. We will never know.

I suppose im a little defensive over her situation as i once posted an issue i had and got answers i didnt want to hear but as a result i did and have changed my ways and i suppose think she deserves a little benefit of the doubt...

LegacyUser

mk2000 wrote: »

... but sometimes girls like the feeling of being fought a little for ..

He may genuinely not get jealous or he may have realised that the best way to fight for a girl's attention is not to bother chasing....works in an awful alot of cases.

I genuinely never get jealous either, its such a waste of time & energy.

Wibbs

heavyheart wrote: »

I suppose im a little defensive over her situation as i once posted an issue i had and got answers i didnt want to hear but as a result i did and have changed my ways and i suppose think she deserves a little benefit of the doubt...

FWIW I agree. I don't see the loony bit nearly to the same extent as some. Regardless, even if she's a swivel eyed loop job with a penchant for wearing lurid pink deep sea diving gear while singing "I'm a lumberjack", I don't want to see any more of the "loony" accusations on this thread.