About to lose everything

LegacyUser

I am writing this while taking a break from packing my stuff and leaving my boyfriend. He asked me to leave earlier today when I returned from a weeks holiday. I got upset, then clingy, and he changed his mind for a short while but I felt that he had meant what he said so I've had no choice but to start packing up, he's gone to his parents house for a couple days. I've said I'll be gone by the time he gets back.

He said he didnt miss me while I was away and he should have and he doesn't believe he's in love with me anymore. I'm in turmoil. I feel destroyed. We havent been getting on very well for the past few weeks and I was hoping that things would pick up and I wasn't prepared for this. I've sensed that things between us have become unbalanced lately but I honestly thought things would sort themselves out and we were going through a bad patch. We've been together for over two years, living together for 8 months in his home (mine is rented) so now I have no choice but to head home to my parents - not a thought I relish at my age. How do people pick up the pieces and move on from this? We had a lovely future planned, had discussed marriage and children and we've had such a fantastic time together, now I can't see anything ahead. My grief from losing the person I love is compounded by the fact that I'm also losing my home. I've been crying all day and look terrible. Do men freak out at a certain age? (He'll be 30 very soon) Does he not realise that relationships need to be worked at through the bad times? Or does he not care enough to make the effort? I know you can't tell me what he's thinking and feeling but I thought we had the same idea as to where we were headed. I feel like he's making a huge mistake but I can't make decisions for him. This all feels like it's too much to take, I would do anything to make this work but I'm not sure his heart is in it.

aoife123

the same thing happened to me 4 weeks ago. and it wasn't easy, but time is a great healer. the only thing i kept telling myself is that there is no point staying with someone who dosen't want to be with me. I'm sure you'll get through it, keep your chin up.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm sure you're right, have this hope still that everything is going to be alright but I don't know how I'm going to cope when the hope fades.

Can't believe he doesn't want to be with me anymore, I thought I was the best thing that ever happened to him! Does anyone think that they've ever given too much in a relationship? Should you hold something back sometimes?

Overheal

I'm just spitballing here, but is it possible the idea that he doesn't miss you - I might interpret that as secure. I miss things when I worry they aren't going to be around forever or they're already gone. I don't miss my siblings and they live 3000 miles away for 11 months of my year. I don't miss them because they will always be there.
On the other hand, I lost my stepmother in a tragic accident and I miss the step-brothers because I never hear from them either and they live 30 minutes away. I'll decreasingly over time have less of a reason to contact them, and eventually they'll be a part of my past.

So it would seem your man is anyways confused. The only thing you can do, is let it go. He may never come back or he may come back tuesday. You can never say.

LegacyUser

Thanks again, having a glass of wine here to ease the pain! Don't think I can pack another thing tonight, I'm exhausted, will finish it off in the morning. I think you might have hit the nail on the head when you said he's 'secure'. I forgave him for something awful a few months ago and I suppose instead of bringing us closer it just made him feel like he could take me for granted and that I would always be there. I probably have not done myself any favours. Love is blind, I must try to be strong, I used to think that I was a very strong person but today I feel incredibly week and that in itself must be a complete turn off, I've been insecure and pathetic in my relationship lately. It's going to be so hard to wak out the door, I know that once I go, I can't ever come back.

Marksie

Lost Love wrote: »

I'm sure you're right, have this hope still that everything is going to be alright but I don't know how I'm going to cope when the hope fades.

It WILL get better. Over time you will heal

Lost Love wrote: »

Does anyone think that they've ever given too much in a relationship? Should you hold something back sometimes?

I think everyone thinks that at times especially when they have been hurt, and particularly as in your case when it comes out of the blue like that.

Perhaps i look at things differently but personally, I tend to have an open, unconditional aspect without expectations. On the whole its serves well.

There are times though that its backfired and you get hurt when someone does that, but its living, you cant cherrypick good from bad, but accept it all.
If they for whatever reason want to throw the toys from the pram then you just have to look after number one for a while.

So no not necesssarily hold back but allow things to open gradually .

But overheal has it absolutely right: Let go. Hard as it may be.
and in reference to your last post. being strong or weak is all relative. the strongest of us can break down for a while. Its how we recover and how our outlook is altered when these things happen that is the true measure of strength and weakness.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

You'll be fine. Allow yourself as much time as you need and then call some friends round and get out there.

As REM said, Everybody hurts some time.

cjmcork

girl you need to get some serious girl power music on - Gabrielle's Rise got me through a break up years ago - then get hammered and put on Gloria Gaynor - it won't solve it but it will make you feel a little better for a few minutes - at the moment, a few minutes is what you need.....

lonely heart

Hi there,

Just reading through your post. I am really sorry to hear what you are going through. I have just posted a reply to a similar thread -but I just want to say - be strong!

Something similar happened to me 2 years ago, and yeah I am still hurting. And I agree with you in that in my case, I forgave something pretty big too, and I guess it can be perceived as being a push over.

I gave the relationship everything - and stood up for that man to all my family & friends no matter what he said or did. to me, to me, he was my best friend - but to my horror, when this happened, it appeared that the more he thought that i was hurting, the stronger he got.

He even allowed his friends to send me drunken abusive and offensive text messages - which just shook me!

anyway 2 things - one - its better to be alone than with someone who doesn't appreciate you for the lovely person that you are, and appreciate how lucky he is to have you. Otherwise you are not in control and are not being true to yourself.

the second one, is that someone made a very interesting point - its how you handle this that shows how strong you are. I never thought of it like that!

Anyways t hinking of you and wishing you all the best. Be strong - you can get through this x

LegacyUser

I had a terrible nights sleep only to wake up and realise that he must have come home in the middle of the night and is now in the spare room. I haven't spoken to him yet, really thought he'd give me the space to move out on my own, can't handle another day like yesterday. Going to have a shower now, and put on some make-up, and try to pack the rest of the stuff up. Thanks for all your messages of support.

Colonel_McCoy

Sorry to hear what happened to you, same thing happen to me this year but we were together almost 7 years! Still not over it but it gets easier.............

cjmcork

Lost Love - I woke this morning thinking about you and the other poster that's heartbroken - be strong while you're around him - I regret practically begging - I cringe when I think about it - so for Girl Power everywhere and for your own mind later on, be strong - I wouldn't rush though - he said he'd give you time to pack, so take it

lonely heart

Lost Love wrote: »

I had a terrible nights sleep QUOTE]

I am sorry to hear that. Didn't have a great sleep myself to be honest - Easter has a few memories for me too, and I always find this a lonely time.

At least you have a family to go back to. Be strong please. Speaking from bitter experience, it honest to God does appear that if you just leave him to it, he will soon realise what he has lost. A few weeks alone there will do him the world of good

Thinking of you anyway. I know how painful it is -but please, for yourself, be strong and maintain your dignity. You deserve the best in life, so don't settle for less. x

lonely heart

Wow, cjmcork, I was thinking about them too to be honest. And I seem to have followed the same course of action as you did - and yes I regret it too from the bottom of my heart. And you are dead right, I wouldn't hurry leaving - do it at your pace - its only common decency.

Marksie

cjmcork and lonelyheart: Not being facetious but keep one remove from PI. Reading of people going through these things can bring back memories for you.
In truth that may not be a bad thing as it may help you clear any lingering blocks that may be there.

But try nd keep a remove from it as losing a nights sleep isnt the best.
Ps: us mods are hardbitten war vets .

Wibbs

The best way to get through this is to let it go. You have to go though it too, not get over it or feelings will be unresolved and you may carry that into your next relationship, whomever that may turn out to be. Consider this part of your life over in a way regardless of what happens down the line. Consider the relationship in it's entirety too. Good and bad.

To do that you need distance so when he asks for space give it to him. In that space you will discover things about the relationship and your needs that were being met and your needs that weren't. Apply the same distance and thought to what he may or may not have been getting from you as a partner. It takes two to tango and work on a relationship. Often those who are rejected as a future overly blame themselves or overly blame the one who leaves. It's nearly always a balance of both. Now blame and fault are for the schoolyard, but some introspection on your own behaviour is never a bad thing.

You can talk to someone a week before they're dumped and they may bitch and moan about their partner and may even express second thoughts about the whole thing. Fast forward a week and that dumper is the best thing that ever happened to them. When something runs away the tendency is to run after them which of course makes them run faster. People want what they can't have and really really want what they thought they had but now don't.

If it helps and it does sound counterproductive, but the best way to get over someone or get someone back are ironically one in the same. Let them go. They wont forget you and by not being around them they may think of you more. Does this mean they'll come back? No. Generally not and if you try to plan it that way they certainly wont. So again let them go and get yourself back or you will be still missing someone a year down the line.

The simple truth is that no matter which way you cut it, when someone breaks up with you, they have considered you as a future and decided that was not for them. That's what it boils down to. Now this doesn't mean that you are not future material to the right person, it means that you were not future material for them at that moment and probably for good.

Now people do get back together, sometimes years down the line, but that only works if they've let each other go and the the things that broke them up in the first place have changed. Plus it only happens if they haven't met someone better for them in the interim. It's also a brand new relationship based on that growth in the interim. In any case such successful reconciliations are rare. Now you may think you were different as most couples in love feel, but I wouldn't hold out any hope at this stage. Again it's counterproductive for your growth as a person.

I would also add, do not be "friends". Not until you have fully moved on. It's tempting, but it's not friendship as both of you have different expectations from the setup. This is not friendship. Do not fall into that trap. You may want to to keep contact and hope, but it wont help you. They may want to to keep the advantages of you without the commitment of a loving relationship and that won't help you either.

LegacyUser

Thanks again everyone, this morning has been the worst yet, crying on both fronts, begging etc (from him this time) but I've phoned home and they are collecting my stuff for me later. It's gone too far this time, I couldn't see myself staying here now, we both need our space. And if I stayed we'd have the same problem tomorrow. One day at a time from now on. Sorry to those of you for whom this may have brought back painful memories. Just remember that you are over the worst of it now and hopefully for all of us things can get better.

vincenzo1975

You say you were away, i wonder if he thought you saw someone during this time and was feeling he could provoke it out of you. There is obviously baggage between you since the incident which you referred to, and this seems to have led to insecurity on both sides, which will really strain a relationship. This sounds like the two of you need to meet in a mutual location and have a full open discussion about all the events of the last year, and then take some time to settle and see where it goes.

Maybe you two moving in was too much for him to handle and all of this is the eventual fallout. he sounds like he really needs to start accepting his single days are gone and he now needs to be committed(remember men are never as mature as women when understanding this). part of committing is having full trust in the other haf and living up to the trust they put in you. From what I hear, he is very confused.

Beware of who might be filling his head with ideas as well.

If he is worth it, set a date to talk it out, try to keep it to what went wrong in the previous months, stay away from the actual break up, it is not what the problem is. The problem lies in what was not being said in the months previous.

if you feel he cannot yet commit to what you need from a relationship, it may be best to move on.

Hope it works out for you for the best.

Listen to the Housemartins i need a Little Time for inspiration.

Carrigart Exile

cjmcork wrote: »

Lost Love - I woke this morning thinking about you and the other poster that's heartbroken - be strong while you're around him - I regret practically begging - I cringe when I think about it - so for Girl Power everywhere and for your own mind later on, be strong - I wouldn't rush though - he said he'd give you time to pack, so take it

Girlpower??? She's not fighting a gender war on your behalf, she trying to cope with the closure of a relationship. OP you need to go through a heap of emotions to come out the other side, fear, hurt, anger then suddenly you notice its indifference. Don't let him crawl back some months down the line when he finds the imagines single life isn't as great as he thinks it is. Good luck.

Wibbs

Lost Love wrote: »

It's gone too far this time, I couldn't see myself staying here now, we both need our space. And if I stayed we'd have the same problem tomorrow. .

Exactly. As I said the ironic and counter intuitive thing about this situation is for any chance of fixing this or breaking up properly and healthily is to let it go. If you went back now as you say, it would be the same broken record.

cjmcork

I'm not saying to be a stone cold bitch but I'm saying that I did things during my experience that I regret - OP came for advice and we're giving it - it mightn't be right, but it's our opinion - I'm not asking her to fight a gender war, but I'm saying that she can come out with her dignity intact - that's all - regardless of what advice you give, OP will do as she sees fit, like we all did - no doubt, some of us got back with people we shouldn't have - at least she can see that they will have the same problem tomorrow (wish I had known that back then)..........good luck OP

lonely heart

:)Hi there,

Marksie, I can se what you mean, but I think I confused things a bit. I hadn't a great nights sleep, but it wasn't over a man. Easter is a lonely time for me, but for a couple of reasons, and i have a few things going on at the moment

Lost Love - you didn't awaken any memories, that werent there already. I am sorry if you thought that and I really meant everything that I said. And I honestly don't think you have lost anything - I think in years to come you will look back at today and see how you gained something - your own life back! You are on the road to controlling your life again, and to being happy:)

You should be very proud of how you handled today. Keep strong x and remember come back to us boards when you feel you need a little moral support. Sometimes even just one positive word can make a difference

Ginny

Lost Love, theres loads of us on here that have come through nearly exactly what you have, and its a pain and a cliche but time is a healer. Getting through one day at a time and acknowledging that you will be upset and angry for a good long while will help, and letting yourself be upset helps.
I made the mistake of trying to be strong and sucking it up, all that does is cause more pain, get onto your friends, let them help you.
And in the crappy times log on here, there's always someone here to talk to..:D

LegacyUser

Thanks again,
Just taking a break from the packing, never realised I had so much stuff! I won't be able to find a thing tomorrow... especially as I'll be confined to putting things in one room! Can't help feeling that I'm coming out of this so much worse than he is, he can just keep living here and get on with things, I wish I could be the one to stay, it would be so much easier! I love this house.

He's still here, I've asked him to stay away from me for the evening so I can get on with packing. Can't so anymore emotional stuff today. I've been thinking about what has happened and to be honest he's come along way since I met him, gained confidence, looks great, bought a house, become more sociable etc so perhaps I've created a monster so to speak! Maybe he feels like he can do the things now that he didn't do in his 20's, because he wasn't able. I suppose he'll soon find out that it's not all it's cracked up to be, but don't get me wrong, I won't be waiting for him to figure that out.

The next few days will be tough, I love my parents but I can't imagine I'm going to be much company, and they love their life now, we're all finally gone and they were enjoying their freedom! I'll have to move somewhere else of course but not for a few weeks. We've just put a deposit on a site aswell but obviously I won't be able to build a house on my own. What a mess.

LegacyUser

I'm sorry about this rant but this really is the worst day of my life, I can't ever remember feeling anything close to this! I can't seem to pack without crying, and I'm only getting one box done at a time, will 6 o' clock ever come so I can get out of here. He's watching the match as if there's nothing wrong, I'm so angry! My lovely future is gone, no one to love, no babies, no home. I'm never going through this again, not for anyone.

Vencenzo, he definately trusts me and knows there wasn't anyone else while I was away, there never was anyone else, he's never had any reason not to trust me. I've been the best girlfriend ever!

It's reassuring to know that there are so many people who have been through the same thing but obviosly it doesn't spare me the hurt now. I can't deal with my friends now, I know they'll be there for me when I need them but I just feel so humiliated I can't face the gossips. This is easier. Thanks again.

cjmcork

Lost Love - you're doing great - you can move back into your own house (did you say you've it rented out?)....it's hard to move home - but at least you have a base and you can just keep yourself to yourself for a few days - I also kept it from all but one friend for a few weeks - it was my way of dealing with it - if it's any help, I'm sitting on my arse all day, so am at the PC if you're popping on - we're all behind you - it's raw at the moment, but take your time and it'll pass eventually - not totally, but it'll get easier to get up - don't even think about writing off your future - someone told me that everything happens for a reason - your lovely future is right now about taking care of yourself and when you do that, you'll be open to babies, etc - and you don't need to have a partner to have babies anymore, if you really want them..........you're doing great.

lonely heart

Lost Love, if its any consolation at all, you are in a much better position than I am, and I get the impression that I am older than you-

I don't own a house yet - and its not through stupidity - I can get a mortgage no problem, I just was living in fairy tale land there for a few years, thought it was something that we would do together, cos I thought thats what proper couples do - it was just a dream - and I was silly. But I will do it now, when I am ready.

You really have your head on your shoulders - you have a place and its rented out! Fair play to you.


Secondly, due to age - I have accepted now that I prob won't have the chance to have kids - and its a pity, cos again I had this dream of a lovely family - but I refuse to let it get to me. As I said before, its better to be alone, than with someone who doesn't appreciate you for what you are and what you have to offer them - a genuine person and friend who has the ability to be there through thick and thin.

You deserve someone genuine back - and you will find them- or rather they will find you:) YOu have a lot of positive things to focus on!

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Yes, I have my own home, I've just re-rented it since March 1st to a new lot of people who are on a one year lease. I don't feel like I could ever go back there though, it would feel like taking a few steps back in my life, probably too early to be making decisions now though. I was putting it on the market to buy the land and build our dream home, might have to sell up for something smaller now though, and that will take forever, maybe I'll just rent for a while and keep the big decisions for later.

Lonely Heart -As for kids, that was just a rant, don't want children that aren't his at the moment anyway. We're lucky that there aren't children involved to be honest. I'm 29, I have a good bit of time left, I'm just dread starting all over again. It takes alot of work to get to this stage of a relationship. To be honest I was expecting us to get engaged soon not to break up.

For most of my life I've sailed along, I've always been ambitious and I'm lucky to have a good job, family, own home etc but never could picture my future. Until I met him - and our future seemed to just materialise in front of us. He always felt the same. It's hard to start again. I know he loves me, he's made such a mistake. He just came into the kitchen and asked if I was really going. He's totally in denial. I don't want to leave but he's left me with no choice.

Thank cjmcork - I think I will be popping back here on and off all day. It stops the tears for a while at least.

Have to appologise for all the typo's, hate them but can't concentrate.

Ginny

LL you have no idea how similar my situation was 5 months ago, I had to move back to my parents, away from what I considered my home and friends. I felt like my life was ruined, I lost my home, the town I love, I had also just moved jobs and the commute was only 15 mins, its now 2 and a half hours, and I know these might seem like stupid things to other people when you've lost a big relationship, but those things flash through your mind and get you angry.
I felt like all that was different in his life was the fact I wasn't there anymore whereas mine was ruined in every aspect.
I also said I'd never go through it again I've gone through it twice now and each time it felt like it took a chunk out of me personally that I'll never get back.
And LL I completely know what you mean about another relationship, I really don't know if I can face going through all the start of a relationship stuff, I hope I can and I hope I can meet someone eventually though...
All I can tell you is that you will get through it, you have to, its going to be tough though, the absence of someone there gets to me sometimes as does the lack of affection, but all I can do is focus on me right now and make sure I'm ok, and leave the past to the past.
Get a short tern let for a while or even better do any of your friends have a spare room you can borrow for a while until you get your head sorted.
As for not facing your friends, you have to, I know what you mean about not being able to face them I was so afraid of the "Poor Ginnyjo, look hows shes ended up.." judgements I was sure I'd get some of them, but your friends are your friends for a reason and I'll bet they'd be upset that you thought you could't turn to them when you needed to.
Best bet is single out the one strong girl in the group that you can trust tell her the story (mine went alone the lines of "Me and X have split up, we will not be getting back together, I'm moving home and I could do with your support and I'll talk when I'm ready") and get her to put it out to the rest of your friends.
Hope that long winded reply helps you some.

Einstein

Lost Love wrote: »

...Do men freak out at a certain age? (He'll be 30 very soon) Does he not realise that relationships need to be worked at through the bad times?

it's funny you say this, i left my gf for couple months just before xmas. We too had fantastic plans, new house marriage etc (i'm 30 in 2 months) but after some time away and clearing my head, I realised what I'd done. Realised that work is involved in being a grown up. It helped us both because there were some things I wan't happy with at all, and things have changed for the better now! New house is only 2 months away!

So maybe give that bit of time...I know when I was leaving, I had no plans to go back..but that changed after 2 or 3 months!

GL!

cjmcork

LL - this guy hasn't a clue what he wants - what does he expect you to do - he tells you to go and now he wants you to stay - you'll be better off without him..........

LegacyUser

Well, I made it home, not without the heartbreaking leaving scene, which seemed to go on for hours, so many tears, so many hugs and begging etc, felt like changing my mind a hundred times but had to force myself out the door, especially as my parents had to come and help me with my stuff. Tonight I fell tired and drained but haven't cried since I got home. No tears left for tonight, dreading waking up tomorrow morning though. And the day after, and the day after that, one step at a time though. He was heartbroken, I've never seen him cry. I feel guilty but I shouldnt after all I've been through the last few months, I've been trying so hard to make things right, I would have done anything. Its ironic that the second it's too late is the time he realises the mistakes he's made.

Marksie

Lost Love wrote: »

Its ironic that the second it's too late is the time he realises the mistakes he's made.

You will be surprised how often that happens. But whast said cannot be unsaid.

Look to yourself now *hugs*

cjmcork

op, be proud that you made it out of there with your dignity intact - what was his game - some people don't know a good thing when it's in front of them - but you're gone now - as one that's been through it, don't discount the help that you can get from professionals - counsellors - I had other things going on at the time of my break up and it got too much for me - saw a counsellor - it was great - an uninvolved individual who will ask you the questions your friends won't ask - it was worth it - but in my opinion it's too soon for you, you need time in your own head for the next few days - what an opportunity you have now - start again............take care of yourself for a change.....good luck OP

littlefriend

"Its your life and your love, don't waste it. True love is always returned for free. Keep the bar high when choosing this love."


I'm quoting that from another thread. Kind of says it all I think.
You should be proud of yourself for what you had the courage to do today and yesterday. You'll be ok - you have a lovely spirit that is coming through in your posts.
Let him wallow in his mistakes. You are free. Keep posting:)

spinandscribble

theres no way OP you can back down. like you said before he thinks he thought he can get away with anything. ppl like that rarely change and he would need to do alot of soul searching before he gives you a decent answer as to why he's acted the way he has. hope 2moro will be better OP.

estar

its a bit of a cliche

but you havent lost everything, you still have a home thats rented
and you still have you

maybe its hard now but its better than living any longer with someone
that doesnt value you

he obviously doesnt realise that relationships have to be worked
at, that sometimes you dont get on, but make it work because you
love the person, and doesnt see you as the person that necessitates
that effort.


i know you cant rationalise the pain away, but believe me there will
be someone else that values you

and i think his handling of it leaves a little to be desired.

telling someone to just leave, out of the blue after they return from
holidays. nice.

better to focus on that, then beat yourself down over it. take
whatever lessons can be learned, and try not to be damaged
or changed negatively.

LegacyUser

Morning all, made it through the night ok but work up feeling very anxious, I'm a bit of a drama queen at the best of times and was visualising all these different scenarios. I was terrified something had happened to him, so against my better judgement I phoned him and he didnt answer which made me worry even more so I phoned again, still nothing, so I left a message and then sent a text asking him if he was ok. This is typical of me, just dying to keep talking about things, even though I did what was right yesterday. When I give him this power he becomes an emotional bully, and it's just proof that by putting the ball back into his court we revert into the same roles. I've made a decision now that I will not be initiating contact with him. He was so genuine yesterday, it seemed like the worlds biggest injustice was taking place for both of us as we are in love but yet calling it a day. I've been hoping that by some miricale he will fight for me properly this time, like he did yesterday but for longer, until I was sure he was totally committed to the relationship but I've realised by my mistake this morning that all I'm doing is prolonging the agony by going looking for contact. If he loved me he'd be fighting now.

At least I've unpacked my clothes, I never went as far as that the last time. I just lived out of boxes until we sorted things out. Maybe this time subconciously I know I'm not going anywhere.

littlefriend

His pride is probably a bit hurt by the fact that you actually left and didn't listen to his begging, actually he might be a bit annoyed at himself for begging.

If you can try deleting his numbers etc - I'm sure you know them by heart but if you have to manually enter the number rather than dialling him directly from your phone book it might make you stop and think do I really want to do this?? If you are going out drinking for a night I suggest leaving your phone at home for the moment. When I broke up w/ my ex of 6 years [I had to move home too] I used to give my phone to my mum before I went out so that there would be no drunken ringing or texting. I wouldn't have access to the phone until the next day. Jesus if there was one thing in my whole life I'm glad I did it's that.

Anyway, enough about him. Maybe you could get involved in something to keep your mind busy in the evenings? If you are anything like me and my friends a break up usually means starting to think "right I'm going to get fit and gorgeous and lose weight". There is an 8 week challenge thing starting today over on the fitness forum - check it out if you have any interest. Its for all levels [I'm doing it and I'm the most unfit person in the world] Don't know if this would be of interest to you and sorry if I'm saying all the wrong things.

Overheal

Lost love wrote: »

At least I've unpacked my clothes, I never went as far as that the last time. I just lived out of boxes until we sorted things out. Maybe this time subconciously I know I'm not going anywhere.

Thats a good thing, Lost. Be ready to take the next step in your life without always worrying if its the right direction. Its going to feel pretty surreal for the next few weeks but I think if you stick with it you'll come out ok. Just look forward.

If he wants to fight for you there will be times and places for it. But for now, look after yourself; just as he must.

Best of luck, Lost.

SarahSassy

OP

its really horrible what you are going through and my heart goes out to you. It seems to me that he is not mature enough to have the relationship you want. He is proving this by his sudden changes - dumping you, staying away, coming home, begging and then ignoring you... These are not the actions of an adult. He is also on a huge power trip and the best thing you could do is leave...

Dont beat yourself up over contacting him, you are human but his behaviour is incredibly selfish and TBH if he truly loved you he would not cause you hurt like this...

Time will heal and you will be strong again. You have your life on track and this is a blip and its HIS loss.

SS

She Devil

Awww i was reading this hoping that LL had decided not to go etc .......:( Well fair play to ya girl i hope you are ok xx

LegacyUser

I went alright! No contact today. Although we did speak yesterday in the end and agreed to talk about it at some stage when we've both had a bit of space. I'm sick of being the one to talk so it's his turn now if he wants it. Tired and anxious now today. Hope I have done the right thing. Just hate the feeling of unease all day, it's very draining. Thanks again everyone.

biggun

Lost Love wrote: »

Thanks again everyone, this morning has been the worst yet, crying on both fronts, begging etc (from him this time) but I've phoned home and they are collecting my stuff for me later. It's gone too far this time, I couldn't see myself staying here now, we both need our space. And if I stayed we'd have the same problem tomorrow. One day at a time from now on. Sorry to those of you for whom this may have brought back painful memories. Just remember that you are over the worst of it now and hopefully for all of us things can get better.

Girl, he is screwing someone else. Sorry to be blunt but thats the situation. I bet he used the " I need to sort my head out",,, blah blah...

Cut up the bastards clothes and if you can go sleep wiht his brother, then call him and tell him what you done.. Trust me you will feel better... Then tell both of them to go **** themselves..

lonely heart

Hi Lost Love. Hope you are doing well???:cool:

ergonomics

Biggun, do you have proof of that? Leave the poor girl alone with your baseless assumptions. Not every man is a cheater, just like not every woman is a slut.

biggun

ergonomics wrote: »

Biggun, do you have proof of that? Leave the poor girl alone with your baseless assumptions. Not every man is a cheater, just like not every woman is a slut.

IM not trying to be cruel to the girl. Lets face it, THE BALANCE OF PROBABILITIES SAY HE IS SCREWING SOMEONE ELSE. Im just not PC. Has she asked him what going on. has she asked him if he screwed someone else or is seeing someone else ???... If im anything Im an excellent judge of body language.. Get her to ask him directly and look directly into his eyes when she askes it. Its a natural reaction when someone is lying to divert their gaze. Only an accoomplished liar can keep it up and their isnt many of them.


IM a man, married thankfully but have gone through exactly what she went through from the other side. I also have friends who have gone through it and have been doing it to wives/g/f & b/f... Grow up for **** sake... The chances are at least are that he screwed some tramp he picked up in a club and now is feeling like an 18 year old again, full of raging hormones

biggun

Ergonomics,

Your what age , 20. Im betting female ?... My god have you got a lot to learn.

ergonomics

LostLove, all the best in the future. Try not to let other posters plant seeds of doubt in your mind. You're going to hear all sorts of different opinions and none are right or wrong but if you listen to them you'll only end up texting your ex, making accusations which may or may not be true and causing upset. You've done the right thing by leaving, and remember that. Also remember that if you decide to go back to him there's nothing wrong with that either. Follow your heart and do what feels right for you. At the end of the day it's your happiness that is most important. For now get on with your life. Find a gorgeous place to live, concentrate on your work and your love life will fall into place before you know it, and when you're least expecting it. Be strong whatever happens.

biggun

Goodnight Johnboy, Goodnight Jimbob, Good Night Mary Ellen, Goodnight Jason

Marksie

Biggun: you hahve a lot to learn from this forum.
Take a week to learn it.
banned 1 week and infracted, continued off topic posting, flaming, muppetry and being a waltons fan