Giving up Drink - Scared

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I am an alcoholic. I have cleared the decks this weekend, to try to get off it, I'm a single parent and I think I will die soon if I don't stop.

I drink all the time, I have a beer on my bedside table for when I wake up, to stop the shakes when I wake up, and I'll drink steadily throughout the rest of the day. Only when I am asleep do I stop. I don't get "falling around drunk", I just keep the edge off. After years of heavy drinking my tolerance is pretty high. I try not to go out, but if I do I bring vodka in a water bottle. I have to go out now, I've been putting it off for days, and I feel sick about it. I just want to get into bed. I can't eat anymore, I force myself to eat something small most days, (yesterday a chip sandwich around 8pm), but I'm about 3 stone overweight from the beer.

I also suffer from depression, and take Anti-Ds for that - I upped the meds myself, but the drink just cancels it out. I hate seeing my docter, as she knows my problem, I have been through the HSE drug/alcohol treatment, but it didn't work for me. I have two Librium tabs left from the last time I tried.

So this weekend, my childs father is going to take child away for a few days, I'm going to get plenty of fags and water in(hence having to go out today), food - hopefully I can eat it soon, and just stop. I'm going to lock the door for a few days and (literally) sweat it out. But I am just terrified.

So if anyone has been through this and has any advice it would be great. I won't be stopping till Saturday morning. as thats when I'll be alone. I know people will think I'm a **** mother (I agree) and to cop on etc. but I'm doing the best I can do, and please God, this time next week, the worst will be over and the battle to stay off it will be beginning.

Anyway off to town in an hour, are there any magical remedies I can get (I wish!), untill then I will have the trusty vodka/water bottle with me.

Sorry for the long, rambling post.

Drift

Hey OP I don't have much experience with this but if you can please tell a close family member or friend what you're doing this weekend so they can be nearby if help is needed.

karry1412

I don't have any pearls of wisdom for you but I just wanted to say well done for deciding to stop drinking. Is there anybody that could maybe stay with you or visit you for the days that you will be alone? Although maybe you'd prefer to be alone... I'd imagine lots of water would be a good place to start.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that you're a bad mother just because of this...

Make sure to post on here as often as you need to. There always seems to be plently of helpful people around! And I might not be much use but I'm around to talk if you need someone - just send me a PM

Good luck & well done on making the first step

MajorMax

You don't have to do this alone, contact your local AA chapter you won't believe the support and understanding that you will get there, everyone there has been where you are now and they know that the only way is up

Good luck and God bless

LegacyUser

Thanks Drift, I don't have anyone close this weekend - tbh I think it will be easier without, as they would want to be here just in case. I want to be able to crawl into a corner and howl if needs be. I do have someone I could call if things got too bad, but otherwise they won't be here.

Beruthiel

Drinker wrote: »

I'm going to lock the door for a few days and (literally) sweat it out. But I am just terrified.

Is there no one you can get to stay with you over this weekend? Withdrawal is going to be pretty rough and having someone there may really help you.

Feel free to post here over the weekend if you feel the need.

Alcoholics Anonymous

AA have a phone number there, perhaps call them and ask for some tips?

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your replies, I have tears streaming down my face reading them.

I will keep you posted (as well as my drink addiction, I also have a Boards addiction!) As I have gone Unreg for this, my replies may be a little slow, but I really appreciate them.

Thank you so much.

denhaagenite

You're only a s***e mother if you don't do this.... You're an amazing person and parent if you do.

Giving up anything is so difficult- keep logging onto boards for the moral support.

If I were you I would load up on snacks of the fruit and veg variety and get loads of dvds, even pamper yourself if you can manage it. Anything that you enjoy healthily besides the booze should be on hand (as long as it doesn't result in cross- addiction). I even know a guy who carries a plastic cigarette around with him even though he gave up the real thing 10 years ago!!

estar

i think you are very brave, but should give the supervised
withdrawal option another shot

you are going to have a serious withdrawal as your consumption
is constant

so it might be better to consider getting some medical help
first before you detox.

there is no shame in having a problem, there is only shame in
not dealing with it

your doctor wont judge you, they will just want to help you

just because you failed before on the HSE withdrawal doenst
mean you will again, it just wasnt the right time, or you
just didnt want to give up enough

dont forget that if you are going ahead with this plan
and you are alone in the house you can phone the samaritans
for emotional support 24 hours a day

board om

good on you making the decision to stop. you should be proud of yourself. we all have our crosses to bear. and dont think of yourself as a bad mother, you are thinking of your child by trying to sort this.

anyways, the only way i know how to make a weekend disappear is to sleep through. personally i would stock up on cigarettes, food that you can make easily and stomach without getting sick (soup, bread, yogurts), and sleeping tablets. **ONLY TAKE ONE SLEEPING TABLET AT A TIME **. i dont mean for you to take 20 on saturday morning and hope to god you wake up on Monday, i mean take one and sleep, wake up and have something to eat and take another which should put you back to sleep, and so on until monday. i would also stock up on motilium to stop nausia.

if i were you i would treasure your doctor. if you dont feel comfortable with your present doctor or you dont feel you are getting the support you need for the particular problem you have, then find a new doctor. a good doctor is worth their weight in gold. if you are based in dublin then PM me and i can give you the name of a good doctor who could help. i dont have an alcohol problem, but i have another substance abuse problem that i wont go into. but without my current doctor i would be a lot worse off than i am now. he has really helped me by going above and beyond his duty to get me the help i needed, and i in no way deserved it. now i have to see him once a week but i enjoy it. it is my reality check for the week. in your situation you need a doctor that you can approach and tell your full story and have them help you. you need to be able to tell them what you plan to do and you should have their number saved in your phone so if you feel rough one of the days you can give them a call just to make sure how you are feeling is normal. or if things get too mucht hat they can do something for you.

i know lot of people wont agree with how i would handle the impending weekend but i have had to make many a weekend and week disappear and this is the method i use. but it is only a short term solution, getting professional help is the long term solution. this might get you clean and sober now but you are going to need professional help to stay that way.

all the best and good luck with it.

Wibbs

denhaagenite wrote: »

You're only a s***e mother if you don't do this.... You're an amazing person and parent if you do.

Nail on the head. Everyone, at least everyone who ends up pretty well balanced, fúcks up in their lives. It's the effort to see the problem and do something about it that marks out the character of the person. Heroism can be a cheapened term nowadays, but there's many a hero behind closed doors that goes unrecognised but to themselves. You get through this for you and your family and you'll deserve that title. The happier future for you and your child and all those who love you will be worth more than any easily tarnished medal. I wish you the best of luck.

Giving up anything is so difficult- keep logging onto boards for the moral support.

Exactly.

Anti

Fair ****s to you OP. And best of luck. The main thing is you are prepared for what lies ahead, its going to be the toughest few days of your life but at the end of it you can look back and be really proud of yourself. Keep us informed.

rusalka

Hey, OP - I think it's wonderful that you've decided to take this step, but please, please, please seek medical advice before withdrawing.

I don't know how heavily you've been drinking, but if, after heavy abuse, you suddenly stop, you can put yourself in serious danger (convulsions, scary changes to your heart rate and blood pressure, etc.), particularly in the first 36 hours of withdrawal.

I wish you the very best - the demon drink is a real killer. We're all here for you anytime you need an ear. *HUG*

Miss Fluff

rusalka wrote: »

Hey, OP - I think it's wonderful that you've decided to take this step, but please, please, please seek medical advice before withdrawing.

I don't know how heavily you've been drinking, but if, after heavy abuse, you suddenly stop, you can put yourself in serious danger (convulsions, scary changes to your heart rate and blood pressure, etc.), particularly in the first 36 hours of withdrawal.

I wish you the very best - the demon drink is a real killer. We're all here for you anytime you need an ear. *HUG*

+1, you cannot get better advice than that above OP. It is brilliant you have decided to stop but if you are drinking as much as you intimate in your post then stopping suddenly without medical supervision is unfortunately very dangerous indeed. Very frustrating indeed if you have decided to give up and I don't want you to use the previous post or my post as an excuse to think "oh f8ck it then, I shall not bother", yes, you know yourself OP you absolutely have to give up but you need to go and see your GP this evening before going ahead with this, it is imperative. You also have a better chance in succeeding with medical help/supervision.

We are all here for you OP so please keep posting and let us know how you are/your progress. You can do it, but please for your own sake, and the sake of your child, go and talk to a professional first. You may even need to be admitted for a couple of days, trying to climb this hill on your own is too much.

The very best of luck to you OP, you are very brave xx

LegacyUser

Many thanks to all.

I understand most of your reservations about doing this without medical help, but I think in a way I need to go through it, the pain, fear and horror, to finally scare myself into not starting again. As I said, I have two Librium which will hopefully get me over the worst initially. I think I have some sleeping tablets on the way (thank you for the suggestion poster) which I wouldn't have thought of. I also have a few Xanax type pills if needed.

I just can't stand my doctor, I feel like a schoolchild in front of the Head with him. Is all very black and white with him, and to be honest he has a reputation as a bit of a money man. I know I should change GP, but at the moment, its so hard to go out and get groceries, never mind changing GP.

I've let everything go. The amount of trouble (financial) and debt I'm in is crushing, I get solicitors letters every other day, and I'm dealing with nothing, just trying to get through the day, untill I can finally sleep.

If I can just get off the drink, I could make a start on sorting out everything else. Most importantly I want to be the Mum my child deserves. I cope, day to day, for him, if he wasn't here I wouldn't be. Funnily enough, I have been told many times I'm a good Mum. I would call it a "functioning Mum", my whole day revolves around making sure he is happy and loved. But I know I could be SO much better.

My childs Dad knows what I'm doing, he's worried sick, but will support me. We don't live together. I have the Doctors number in my phone, or indeed an ambulance if I need them.


Thanks again for your very kind and informative replies.

P.S. Could someone have a word with the Admins/Gods of Boards - I REALLY don't need the site to go down this weekend!

king_of_inismac

This is the first weekend of the rest of your new drink-free life.

Do it for your kid, but more importantly, do it for yourself!

One thing is, get as much support as you can. The more people you have supporting you, the more chance you have of suceeding.


Best of luck,
M

bellapip

Hey there,

Jesus, I wish I could articulate in person all that I want to say to you.
I hope you are not reading this now, that you are tucked safely up in your bed, trying to behead the demons and stop them in their path.

Only you can do this, only you can make the decision, this IS you life, apparently the only one you get, but the re-incarnationist can argue that when they come back again.

You have made the right decision, you just need to be sure you can stand by your decision.
Don't allow minor failures to cloud your judgment, just because you don't get it perfectly correct the first time, it does not mean you cant try again.
This weekend should be about finding your limits, you may well surprise yourself and find that you can do it without the crutch you hold.

Drink is a crutch, it debilitates and infiltrates in such a way that it seems like it is there to offer confidence and make problems go away, but in fact it just has the ability to allow our minds to blank out things that NEED to be sorted.

Pick up the phone on Tuesday morning, phone the following number, they will not judge, or question your whys and wherefores, they will give you the most invaluable advice you are ever likely to get in relation to your finances.
PHONE MABS< 1890 283 438.

For so long, I have only read what others posted here, and it was always because I have so much going on elsewhere that I never posted, but something about the delicate nature of your post made me respond.
I hope with all my heart you can get through this, but if you cant do it alone, but sure to know that there are many out there to help you, and with help you can do this,.
Even if you never do it for yourself, I feel sure you will do it for your daughter, because she deserves it.

Someday you will discover that you deserve it just as much as she does.

Take care


B.

RedXIV

No pearls of wisdom i'm afraid, i've never experienced anything like this but wishing you all the best in your battle against addiction!

Good luck!

barbiegirl

The best of luck. You'll be in my thoughts :-) Stay strong and hopefully this time next week you'll be posting saying you are 7 days sober.

mikemac

Drinker wrote: »

So this weekend, my childs father is going to take child away for a few days, I'm going to get plenty of fags and water in(hence having to go out today), food - hopefully I can eat it soon, and just stop. I'm going to lock the door for a few days and (literally) sweat it out. But I am just terrified.
.

The very best of luck to you OP.
All I'll say is you are giving drinking but have "plenty of fags". Maybe these will help you and distract you but why not go the full way and give them up too.

I've worked as a barman and it amazed me during me during AA meetings how the particpants filled themselves with coffee and smoked like troopers.
Replacing one drug with two others??

Hope it goes well for you but maybe make a total clean start

unreggd

Check out the Non-Drinkers Club for some more help/advice

Drift

Good luck OP. Keep us posted all through the weekend. Wish you all the best.

Anti

How's it going OP ?

ricey

Hi OP

I too had the same problem with drink. Its not nice having the shakes in the morning and all that is it. You have made the first step anyway by addmiting you need to stop and thats the most important thing. Try get a few days sober under your belt and then get into AA as soon as possible because you will have a life beyond you wildess dreams. There is no cure for alcoholisim but AA works on a day to day basis and if you want it hard enough you can do it, best of luck k.

rusalka

Hi again - how are you getting on today?

I'm glad that your child's dad knows what's happening this weekend - do you think you could ask him (or anyone else - friends, family?) to call you occasionally over the weekend? It's really important you have a bit of a backup, if you're going to go it alone. I hope it all goes okay for you, but it would be no harm to have people keeping an eye on you just in case.

Drinker wrote: »

I just can't stand my doctor, I feel like a schoolchild in front of the Head with him.

Ah, that's a shame. It's a pity - I had a doctor once who was the most supercilious sod, and he was useless to me, because I felt I couldn't be completely straight with him as it felt like he was judging me. I've since switched to the most wonderful GP and it's a completely different story - I trust her completely, and therefore I have a lot more confidence in her treatment as I know she's got the whole story!

I know it's not a job for this weekend, but maybe next week when you might have a bit more energy you might be able to scout around for a new GP. It will feel so good to talk to someone you can feel comfortable with.

Drinker wrote: »

I've let everything go. The amount of trouble (financial) and debt I'm in is crushing, I get solicitors letters every other day, and I'm dealing with nothing, just trying to get through the day, untill I can finally sleep.

Again, don't worry about that right now. Give yourself this weekend to concentrate on coming off the drink. I have to second the advice given earlier by bellapip - give the MABS a ring as soon as you are able, and make an appointment with them. They will not judge you - they see situations like yours every day, and their sole function is to be there to help you sort everything out.

I know it probably feels completely overwhelming to think about your financial troubles on top of everything else, but please know, NONE OF THESE PROBLEMS ARE INSURMOUNTABLE - they can, AND WILL, be sorted out with only a little determination.

And think of how much better you'll feel next week if you can muster the willpower to do these two things:
1. Make an appointment with MABS - you'll be on the road to sorting out your finances!
2. Get out your phonebook (or look online!) and make appointment with new GP - it's important to have some medical support in the next few weeks, even if it's just to talk about how you're feeling (also, would you consider going to AA meetings?)

Drinker wrote: »

If I can just get off the drink, I could make a start on sorting out everything else. Most importantly I want to be the Mum my child deserves.

Just try to keep thinking of all the reasons you're doing this, and all the benefits it will bring to your life, and your child's life. You sound like a wonderful mum already - someone who obviously wants to put her child first and foremost above all else - it's just unfortunate that drink has gotten such a hold at the moment, but THIS IS NOT A PERMANENT SITUATION, and you can and will get sober.

Just think - when you get off the drink, things will be so much better for you all, and you'll have a long and happy future to look forward to - focus on this, and let your past relationship with alcohol go - it's history now, don't dwell on it any further, and make a pact with yourself that you will never beat yourself up over the past.

I'll be thinking of you this weekend - it's not easy, but try to leave all your other problems behind this weekend - there's time enough to deal with them next week. Concentrate on getting through this weekend and look forward to the future, and keep us posted on how you're getting on. We're all rooting for you, and we'll be here to listen anytime you feel like it.

Take care. *HUG*

LegacyUser

Many thanks to you all.

I woke this morning feeling there was some light at the end of tunnel. (Still had a drink though.) I'm looking forward to being sober, but obviously very scared too. All your replies have really helped me, its daft, but I don't feel as alone - I have lots of Internet people hoping I can do it, and understanding that its so hard.

My childs father knows what I'm doing (I also sent him a link to this thread - so he's watching! Hi Childs Father!) He will ring me at least every 20 minutes on a normal day, so don't worry, I will be monitored!

As for the money side of things, thanks for the MABS suggestions, but they are business debts and MABS can't help with that, I've tried them.

I have never wanted to go to AA before (the shame of it - everyone knowing etc etc) but I think I've gone so far now, that I need them. If I can (please God) get sober over the weekend, and get the confidence to go out again, I will try to go. This thread has shown me how much support you can get from strangers. Imagine having a load of local strangers, who have been through the same as me?! Sounds good.

I will keep posting, you'll be fed up of me soon!

I can't thank you all enough. x

Beruthiel

Drinker wrote: »

I have never wanted to go to AA before (the shame of it - everyone knowing etc etc)

Seriously, who's going to know unless you tell them? More to the point, anyone who cares for you won't see it that way, anyone who doesn't, isn't worth your time.

Let your pre concieved ideas go and give them a lash before deciding they're not for you.

Imagine having a load of local strangers, who have been through the same as me?! Sounds good.

Yes, it does sound good, having someone who understands completely what you are going through could make all the difference to you.

I will keep posting, you'll be fed up of me soon!

As it's the Easter weekend, you may want to post faster than a mod might be able to validate your unregged posts. Feel free to register under a nickname if you wish to.

Best of luck tomorrow, may the force be with you

RedXIV

we ain't gonna get sick of ya lass, if anything else, we'd be nothing but proud in being a tiny part that helped you through this.

Best o luck!

FingersCrossed

Hi all, this is FingersCrossed, the poster formally known as Drinker!

Thanks for the suggestion Beruthial.

FutureGuy

OP, well done for being proactive and getting something done about this addiction. We live in such a drink-orientated society that it's very easy to slip into the position you are in.

As for the AA, definately go. Don't worry about what others think...do this for yourself and your kids.

It's going to be tough, but from what I read of your comments, I'm certain you are strong enough to beat this!

Keep posting, we are ALL here for you.

karry1412

Just wanted to post to let you know that I'm still here, following your progress! You've some great tips here. Once you're over the worst of the withdrawal, everything else will start to fall into place! Just focus on one problem at a time instead of trying to tackle everything at once & post on here anytime you need someone to talk to Best of luck!

estar

i have to say that ive been to an AA meeting to support
someone. and there was such a massive cross section of
people there, rich, poor, old, young. there is no shame
in having a problem and admitting it. there is no one on
this earth that is perfect, and there are a lot more people
than you think that have a problem with alcohol. it is
an issue that crosses every section of irish society unfortunately.

so you should not let shame prevent you from going to AA.

you should only be ashamed if you dont go!!!!

i think its wonderful that you have the support of your
husband and child on here. but take one day at a time.

i still think that the support of a doctor would be a good idea.
but if you feel very sick, you can always call an emergency
doctor and try and get admitted somewhere.

keep posting, you can do this one hour and one day at a time.

estar

and a further post on the AA

you say you dont want local people to know and thats preventing your
from joining AA

for a start

- you might be the cleverest person on earth at hiding your problem
but take it from me, some people already know and would only cheer
you on if they knew you were dealing with it responsibly

- the person i went with found really supportive people to talk to
locally during times they found hard - and they didnt have such
understanding from their own friends - as those friends didnt have
the same issue with alcohol, theres nothing like being understood
by someone who has been through what you have

- you might be of some help also to somone at a meeting when yu
are clean yourself.

rusalka

Hey FingersCrossed! *WAVES*

Don't worry about the drink this morning - gradual withdrawal is safest anyway. Perhaps you should make little goals for yourself - e.g. if you usually drink 10 cans in a day, go for 6 today, 4 tomorrow, etc., or switch to a lower alcohol brand?

Drink plenty of water, but if possible throw in one or two sports drinks to keep your electrolytes up. Try substituting juices, water, smoothies, diet soft drinks, anything you can think of, rather than going for a can. If you absolutely must have a drink, try a beer shandy or something first - ANYTHING which limits or reduces your alcohol intake is a good choice.

Keep your tummy full. You'll possibly be kinda nauseous and feel like you're gonna hurl if you eat much, but it's important for your blood sugar levels and your metabolism, and will help with any withdrawal symptoms - cheese or beans on toast is handy and good for snacks!

Try and keep yourself busy/distracted. The withdrawal will be pretty ****ty, but try to distract yourself from things if it's possible! Post online, ring someone, change your bedsheets, vacuum a room - anything you can do to get through another 5-10 minutes is another 5-10 minutes towards your ultimate goal - being a sober, healthy mammy to your little one.

I hope you consider AA - sure, who'll know if you're going anyway? The important thing is you and your family, and to hell what anyone else thinks. You're not accountable to them. Getting help and seeking support for a problem is something we all have to do at some stage in our lives for something or other (for me, 12 years ago, for something I thought I'd never get over:() , and there's no shame in it at all.

Estar is right - and you can see - it touches everyone. I don't think there is anyone in the country, across all social divides, who doesn't know someone who has a problem with drink.

I work with a lady who is sober 7 years now, and she still goes to AA once a week, and is in constant telephone contact with some other AA members - she says it's like a family, and that everyone is so, so, so supportive and is going through the same thing. She thinks it's brilliant, and there's a good social aspect going on too - she goes off for lunch or coffee with her AA friends almost as much as she does with friends from her broader circle, so I think it would be great to give it a shot.

Regarding your debts, there's no point in restating that you have to make contact with your creditors/banks/whatever, as that's bloody obvious, but there's a brilliant website (now it's for the UK, so there are legal differences) to do with the management of business debts - it's www.bdl.org.uk, but they've published a fantastic in-detail (it's sort of step-by-step) guide for dealing with business financial problems, but very specifically, debts. You can get it as a PDF here: http://www.bdl.org.uk/images/dealingwithdebts-ew.pdf. They also have LOADS of standard form letters covering different situations which you can adapt to your own situation here: http://www.bdl.org.uk/contenten.asp?ssid=8

But that's maybe a job for next week. Get yourself on the road to recovery first, hun!

Hope you've managed to read my garbled ramblings - sure it might have passed another few minutes for you anyway!

Take care, FingersCrossed. xx

FingersCrossed

rusalka wrote: »

Hey FingersCrossed! *WAVES*

Don't worry about the drink this morning - gradual withdrawal is safest anyway. Perhaps you should make little goals for yourself - e.g. if you usually drink 10 cans in a day, go for 6 today, 4 tomorrow, etc., or switch to a lower alcohol brand?

Drink plenty of water, but if possible throw in one or two sports drinks to keep your electrolytes up. Try substituting juices, water, smoothies, diet soft drinks, anything you can think of, rather than going for a can. If you absolutely must have a drink, try a beer shandy or something first - ANYTHING which limits or reduces your alcohol intake is a good choice.

Keep your tummy full. You'll possibly be kinda nauseous and feel like you're gonna hurl if you eat much, but it's important for your blood sugar levels and your metabolism, and will help with any withdrawal symptoms - cheese or beans on toast is handy and good for snacks!

Try and keep yourself busy/distracted. The withdrawal will be pretty ****ty, but try to distract yourself from things if it's possible! Post online, ring someone, change your bedsheets, vacuum a room - anything you can do to get through another 5-10 minutes is another 5-10 minutes towards your ultimate goal - being a sober, healthy mammy to your little one.

I hope you consider AA - sure, who'll know if you're going anyway? The important thing is you and your family, and to hell what anyone else thinks. You're not accountable to them. Getting help and seeking support for a problem is something we all have to do at some stage in our lives for something or other (for me, 12 years ago, for something I thought I'd never get over:() , and there's no shame in it at all.

Estar is right - and you can see - it touches everyone. I don't think there is anyone in the country, across all social divides, who doesn't know someone who has a problem with drink.

I work with a lady who is sober 7 years now, and she still goes to AA once a week, and is in constant telephone contact with some other AA members - she says it's like a family, and that everyone is so, so, so supportive and is going through the same thing. She thinks it's brilliant, and there's a good social aspect going on too - she goes off for lunch or coffee with her AA friends almost as much as she does with friends from her broader circle, so I think it would be great to give it a shot.

Regarding your debts, there's no point in restating that you have to make contact with your creditors/banks/whatever, as that's bloody obvious, but there's a brilliant website (now it's for the UK, so there are legal differences) to do with the management of business debts - it's www.bdl.org.uk, but they've published a fantastic in-detail (it's sort of step-by-step) guide for dealing with business financial problems, but very specifically, debts. You can get it as a PDF here: http://www.bdl.org.uk/images/dealingwithdebts-ew.pdf. They also have LOADS of standard form letters covering different situations which you can adapt to your own situation here: http://www.bdl.org.uk/contenten.asp?ssid=8

But that's maybe a job for next week. Get yourself on the road to recovery first, hun!

Hope you've managed to read my garbled ramblings - sure it might have passed another few minutes for you anyway!

Take care, FingersCrossed. xx

You must have taken at least 10 minutes out of your day to post that.

Its overwhelming. Thank you.

I'm useless at multi-quoting and due to years of alcohol abuse have the memory of a goldfish, so by the time I read a post, cry, then go to reply, the posters name has gone from my mind, but please know I really appreciate every one of them. x

estar

you deserve all the help you can get, as you are trying your
best to do something hard for the benefit of your child and
yourself.

many people will be cheering you on, as they know how
easily they could have been or could still be in your position,
or else, know someone with an issue with alcohol, and know
how insidious it can be, creeping up on you, and then suddenly
it has you.

alcohol is very sneaky if you ask me. also, i agree that
you should be coming off it gradually, and under medical
supervision.

if you dont want to go to a supervised program, then
a can in the morning, and a can at night might make the whole
thing less jerky. or even getting some anti-anxiety drugs.

then after a week, a smaller can.

its only a suggestion. if you can do without altogether, then
go for it. im not a medical professional.

FingersCrossed

I must not have made it clear, I am definately (must download a spell check..) interested in AA now. I live in a smallish town, ran a business here, tried to give the "right image", so I didn't want to be publicly known as an Alcoholic, but thats all gone by the wayside now. It must be fairly obvious to most now that I am an alcoholic, so the "shame" part of it is gone. I want the support they can give me, and it was alot of your posts that helped me see that.

rusalka

Ah sure we'd all be the same, FingersCrossed, particularly if trying to run a business somewhere. It's mad the kind of small-mindedness that still exists in these small towns of ours, and there's always a few biddies around just relishing the misfortune of someone else, and people like that aren't worth the time of day. Hold your head up high, girl. In time, you'll have proven yourself stronger than any of those people.

However, I hope you'll find that in often in smaller communities, there's also a lot of good, genuine people who would give you lots of support and encouragement, and be delighted for you to be getting yourself well again if you could reach out to one or two of them. I'd say some of them have already guessed how you've been struggling with this.

Next time someone you're acquainted with asks "How are you?", maybe you should consider letting them know that you've been struggling, and that it's not easy for you at the moment. You'd be surprised with the way people react sometimes. I think most decent people only want the best for others, and in my own case I was moved to tears on many occasions at how many people admitted to having the same problem as me themselves, or having nephews or daughter with problems, and actually being glad of the opportunity to speak candidly about it with someone. And I think that's especially the great thing about AA - that you'll have people who know exactly how hard things are, and how easily alcohol can slip that little noose around you. I think it's fantastic that you've made the decision to go!

Anyway, keep posting! We'll keep checking in on you!

estar

as the saying goes op

F&CK the begrudgers.

anyone with the arrogance to judge you is just tempting fate

the minute you start to be down on yourself and label yourself
and think in absolute terms about yourself, is the minute
when the drink wins.

you must be positive. yes, you might be an alcoholic, but thats
not all you are. you also have what every human has- potential
to change. and in your case, you have already crossed that great
line that many people never cross - you know you have a problem
and you know you must give up.

theres a lot of people who drink every night and have bad
finances who are still digging the hole thinking they are in control.

you have stopped digging the hole. thats often one of the hardest
steps

the other thing is that - you might fail along the way and
step off the path before you are totally better. but every day
is a new day. and every time you think of a drink and dont have
one is another little victory.

no one who hasnt experienced addiction truly knows what it is like
to give up. im delighted that you are going to seek support in AA
as everyone there will understand the fight you are going through.

hopefuly we will continue to hear from you.

littlefriend

Hi fingerscrossed

only time for a quick post. Just a word on AA - anyone who is there is there for the same reason as you so they cant exactly go around gossiping about it [eg Gossip no 1 " Guess what I saw fingerscrossed at an AA meeting" Gossip no 2 "What were YOU doing there"

Anyway who cares about these ppl - the only reason they are looking around to b**ch about other ppls "faults" is because they don't have the courage to look at themselves.

I wish you the best, you'll be in my thoughts & will keep in touch over the w/end.

kieranmcg1

Hey OP just thought id say that ur already doing well to have realised that ur an alcoholic and have done something about it . Since you have gone this far i think u can do the rest because u seem like u have the will power and all that is stopping u is the scare u think ur gona get . But in the end itl all b worth it . Good luck i hope ya get the goal that u desire

bronte

Hope it's going alright op, wanted to wish you the best of luck.

BarryM

I have read all the posts on here. I am a close relative of a recovering alcoholic. You seem to have arrived at the point where you can recover, that is, you seem to realise that you have a problem, and need to deal with it. That may sound stupid but it is the starting point. In any recovery programme the first question asked is "is your addiction causing your life to be out of control" and if you can answer yes, you're on your way.

I appreciete well why AA or some other similar grouping in a local area is a problem. However, you will get assistance there, and almost inevitably you will meet people you know who are in the same situation, that of itself will give you the courage to continue. You will NEVER be judged by other AA people, they know they are only one step ahead, so no one blames anyone else or discusses matters outside AA. It may be possible to start in an AA group where the others are not 'local' but continuing may be a problem if you have to travel, for example, so try to go locally.

The MOST important aspect of AA is the mutual support. EVERY member has problems, no matter how long they are sober, and the text/mobile/telephone/meeting support from member to member is crucial. My relative gets messages regularly from other members and sends them too when in need of support. It may be something as simple as a friendly text message or even a joke, it is knowing that the support is there is the important thing.

The start is tricky, but again AA people have all been through that, so they know the problems. You will find, quite quickly, people of the same age/background/family situation to yourself, and they want to help, so don't be afraid to ask. If at your first meeting you don't seem to see others 'like you' ask someone where you might make contact with someone 'suitable'.

For the moment, the last advice, when you go to AA make a resolution ot attend regularly. Even of you haven't completely stopped, as long as you are not a complete nuisance you won't be put out of a meeting. So, get the schedule of times and places, and make the arrangements (baby sitting, etc.) to be there as often as possible. Get hold of all the phone numbers you can as soon as you can so you can text or phone for support.

In Tabor Lodge, one of the best of the recovery programmes, they have a saying "this too will pass" - and it is true.

Good Luck

OK-Cancel-Apply

I would say to consciously treat the drink as an enemy, and make a point of feeling a sense of victory with every beer you pour down the sink. When you feel tempted, actually say out loud, "No, you won't get me this time. Enough!".

brokensoul

Hi there.

Just over 7 months ago i was EXECTLY where you are now so i feel your pain girl.

All i can say is that i thought that giving up drink was impossible for me, and it wasnt. It was damn hard, but as you know yourself, drinking every day is damn hard too.

I cannot stress enough how good AA will be for you. I also cant stress enough how importantly we in AA take the anon. part! Nobody in AA will gossip about you, we all know ourselves how important it is to be able to go to meetings and to talk about your problems in confidence,

One of the greatest things i got from AA was the understanding that no matter what i had done, it was fixable. I spoke about things i had done while drinking that i was deeply ashamed of and i was greeting with sympathy, understanding and most of all, assurance that i was not the only person who had done those things.

An awful lot of people never even get as far as admitting to themselves, not to mind to other people, that they have a problem so you have already taken a huge step.

As for your child, you dont say whether or not they are old enough to know or understand but i am the child of an alcoholic ( though one who was sober for 25 plus years when he died) and i can say hand on heart that i had such respect for all that he did to conquer his addictions and be there for his family.

PM me anytime. I usually xheck here once a day.

ricey

brokensoul wrote: »

Hi there.

Just over 7 months ago i was EXECTLY where you are now so i feel your pain girl.

All i can say is that i thought that giving up drink was impossible for me, and it wasnt. It was damn hard, but as you know yourself, drinking every day is damn hard too.

I cannot stress enough how good AA will be for you. I also cant stress enough how importantly we in AA take the anon. part! Nobody in AA will gossip about you, we all know ourselves how important it is to be able to go to meetings and to talk about your problems in confidence,

One of the greatest things i got from AA was the understanding that no matter what i had done, it was fixable. I spoke about things i had done while drinking that i was deeply ashamed of and i was greeting with sympathy, understanding and most of all, assurance that i was not the only person who had done those things.

An awful lot of people never even get as far as admitting to themselves, not to mind to other people, that they have a problem so you have already taken a huge step.

As for your child, you dont say whether or not they are old enough to know or understand but i am the child of an alcoholic ( though one who was sober for 25 plus years when he died) and i can say hand on heart that i had such respect for all that he did to conquer his addictions and be there for his family.

PM me anytime. I usually xheck here once a day.

Great post from a fellow AA member
OP I Really hope you do it and start your new life without drink in it.
It ruins familys it ruins lives, think of drink as your enemy and get to AA
and you'l feel safe.

FingersCrossed

7 months?! Oh God I wish there was a sleeping tablet and a Nanny for my child, so that we were 7 months ahead! I think it will be one 10 minutes at a time for me (even that may be optimistic).

Sleeping tablets and some more Librium on the way (don't ask), so I don't think there's much more a doctor would do for me this weekend. So all ready and prepared.

I overestimated the amount of alcohol I would need for Good Friday (ironic ha?! - my last day drinking on Good Friday). So I have a fair bit in the house, so I won't post here anymore tonight, I don't want to offend all you very kind people. I'm not an aggressive/maudlin drunk, as I said, I'm not often actually "drunk", but what I would have drank would probably floor a man twice my size.

Night all. Looking forward to tomorrow - I'm not as scared as I was.

I can't thank you all enough.

X

Miss Fluff

Good luck tomorrow OP

bellapip

Hey there,

Its good to know that you have so many people rooting for you, take the positive and embrace it.

You are almost through day one, so you had a drink this morning, no one expects you to cold turkey this, just try to hold on to the positive.

When I gave you the info on MABS I didn't realize that your finances were business related, hopefully the information another poster has given you will be of more help.

Take it one day at a time, and be kind to yourself.


B.

estar

well perhaps father of child could take more time with the child
so that you are left to mother yourself more for the next few months

a child is a great reason to give up and great motivation.

i look forward to talking to you tomorrow on day one!!!!

im glad you got some drug reinforcements. knocking yourself
out for the worst of the next few days is a great idea

and will take the edge off the next few weeks also.

rusalka

FingersCrossed - best of luck tomorrow - we'll be with you all the way.

*HUG*