I have to go now...

CuriousHmmm

Hi guys...

Em, not really sure how to say this. I think it's time for me to die. I've tried everything I know to keep on going, but there's only so many things you can try before all the fights you've had to fight catch up on you.

So basically I'm asking if there's anybody here that can tell me how to die. In a nice way. I don't want anyone to know that I had to resort to suicide. I just want to find a way to slip out of this life and on to the next one. I know that there are people in my life that will be hurt by this, but I'm nearly 40, and I think it's time to move on. To whatever it takes.

So please, those of you that read this, tell me how to do this...I'm gonna do this, no matter what...al I want is help...

Xavi6

The right sort of help is not to tell you how to die and I don't think anyone here will do that for you.

Would it be possible to elaborate on what your problems are and maybe talk them through? It can be good to get another person's views on things. If you are that upset with life now is not a time to make rash decisions. You will hurt all the people you leave behind.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

RedXIV

I never believed in the idea that there is NO hope for someone. And i can tell you now, you won't get the advice you seek here. But there are plenty of people here who can help you take control of your life again.

If you need to talk, we're all here to listen. I second Xavi6 whole heartidly and if you want to PM, i'm always free

gollyitsolly

Why? Please tell you story? Im listening....

Sherifu

You should give the Samaritans a call or send them an email, they are very supportive. You can email jo@samaritans.org or dial 1850-609090.

Elessar

I understand that this may be your only way of crying for help. But it's ok, call the samaritans, or email them (takes roughly 24 hours for a reply). Lookup www.pieta.ie - it's a free counselling service to help stop people in crisis from committing suicide, try it, you've nothing to loose. We don't want another needless death.

You have every right to die, but you are probably not thinking clearly now to make that choice. Give some of the organisations above a try, go on, I'm sure you'll feel a lot better. People care.

Marksie

OP you know people are not going to give you ways to die in this forum. They will give you reasons to live, which is all the better.

Beofre making such radical and permament decisions, do explore your reasoning for this and look at every resource available.

You could, at a push, tell us what has you in this frame of mind?

Plus, really it is still suicide no matter how "nice" you want to dress it up as, and people will still know. You will leave an empty space in the lives of those you leave behind, whether you can see this at the moment or not.

MarkR

If you're at the stage where you want to end it all, then I suppose you've hit rock bottom. So the only way is up really. Talk to someone as mentioned before. Suicide isn't painless, particularly for those around you.

CuriousHmmm

Thanks for the messages ppl. I'm still here but things don't look any better. I'm kind of struggling to work out how - and more importantly why - my life brought me to this point. I feel an interminable sadness that this seems to be the only option left for me, because from the outside, my life looks to be absolutely ideal. But in my head it's not. I'd love to put the reasons for my thinking this down here but I don't think the internet is big enough I've started the tidying up so I don't leave a mess behind, and I know people around me will be hurt but I've seen people get over grief, so after a year or so, people will have moved on. That sounds callous and drama queen-ish, but really I'm just calling it like it is. This is just something that I've finally resigned myself to having to do.

Cyrus

sounds to me like you have clinical depression and need a doctors help, or have you explored this avenue, things are never ever as bad as they seem, please dont do this to your friends and family

cowzerp

suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do, tell us your problems and people will try to give you positive advise.

jimbozo

I agree with Cyrus

sounds to me like you have clinical depression

Before you decide that dying is the best option available to you, at least rule out the possibiliy that you are simply clinical depressed. Its the least you can do for your loved ones. You have nothing to lose.

NextSteps

But what about all the things you haven't done yet?

is_that_so

OP there is always time to talk. Maybe you can help yourself understand why you have got to where you are, by talking for a while here. What things make it so bad that you can only see this sadness or darkness? Talking or writing about it can help you figure things out. As others have posted there are also organisations who can help you.

bada_bing

CuriousHmmm wrote: »

I've started the tidying up so I don't leave a mess behind, and I know people around me will be hurt but I've seen people get over grief, so after a year or so, people will have moved on. That sounds callous and drama queen-ish, but really I'm just calling it like it is. This is just something that I've finally resigned myself to having to do.

Speaking from experience after losing a family member , that is not the case i can assure you. it turned my life upside down and i'll never be the same person i once was. The grief is unbearable i can assure you that and it's something that i'll never get over. I mean life does go on but the sadness always remains. Please at least consider other alternatives because if you are suffering from clinical depression then it can be treated.

LadyJ

CuriousHmmm wrote: »

Thanks for the messages ppl. I'm still here but things don't look any better. I'm kind of struggling to work out how - and more importantly why - my life brought me to this point. I feel an interminable sadness that this seems to be the only option left for me, because from the outside, my life looks to be absolutely ideal. But in my head it's not. I'd love to put the reasons for my thinking this down here but I don't think the internet is big enough I've started the tidying up so I don't leave a mess behind, and I know people around me will be hurt but I've seen people get over grief, so after a year or so, people will have moved on. That sounds callous and drama queen-ish, but really I'm just calling it like it is. This is just something that I've finally resigned myself to having to do.

OP, people kill themselves over people killing themselves you know. You may think your family and friends would get over this but some of them might not. They will feel responsible. They will feel like they could have done more. They will torture themselves forever over it. Talk to them. Let them in. Let them help you for Godsake! Let someone help you.

The world is not an easy place to live in. Mental illnesses can destroy us if we don't get help, grief can kill us if we don't talk about it and fear can get the better of us if we don't understand it and face up to it.

Life is not easy but there are ways to make it easier and more bearable. Even ways to help us enjoy it. Don't give up on the idea that you too could be happy. I once gave up on that idea and accepted that life for me would never be good. I honestly believed I would never be happy again and I was 100% wrong. I'm glad I stuck it out because I'd have missed out on so much if I hadn't.

You may think that life as you know it is already over but it doesn't have to be. Get a counsellour, talk to your family and friends and just battle through a bit more. When you are at rock bottom then eventually you will start to rise up again.

takola

CuriousHmmm wrote: »

Thanks for the messages ppl. I'm still here but things don't look any better. I'm kind of struggling to work out how - and more importantly why - my life brought me to this point. I feel an interminable sadness that this seems to be the only option left for me, because from the outside, my life looks to be absolutely ideal. But in my head it's not. I'd love to put the reasons for my thinking this down here but I don't think the internet is big enough I've started the tidying up so I don't leave a mess behind, and I know people around me will be hurt but I've seen people get over grief, so after a year or so, people will have moved on. That sounds callous and drama queen-ish, but really I'm just calling it like it is. This is just something that I've finally resigned myself to having to do.

I know it may seem that way but people don't get over the death of a loved one. People can't just stop living because they're gone but that doesn't mean you just get over it. It stays with you. The people who love you aren't going to just get over your death. They will always hurt because of it. Especially if it's suicide. They won't understand and they'll blame themselves.

You've said above that your life looks ideal from the outside. What would you change? You know nobody here can tell you how to die.

RubyXI

Hi OP
I don't know what you're going through but i have often felt there was nothing to live for. I think it would be easier to be dead. But then i think, What if i killed myself and the next day my life would have turned around and something good started to happen. It would be just my luck. What if things changed. You'd really regret it. What if you were put here for a reason? These things keep running through my head when i have thoughts like that.

barbiegirl

Please don't do this. Those it will affect will never get over it. Get help, make an appointment with your doctor now for today. Clinical depression can be treated and then you will have a full life to enjoy. Please don't go down this route.

Marksie

CuriousHmmm: I lost a loved one three years ago suddenly.

I am not going to wrap this up, but i will never get over it.

So disguise it how you wish, pretend its for the best, that you are final about it.

But accept this and accept it fully: You will destroy the lives of those you love.


No ifs, no buts.

Elessar

Can everyone stop guilt-tripping the guy into living because of how others will feel? That is more selfish not helpful at all.

OP, ring the samaritans and have a talk with them. At the very least, I mean, what have you got to loose? You might even learn something.

Then contact pieta house or your doctor for some face to face help. You won't feel this way forever. Seriously, you'll feel better. Try it

Marksie

Elessar wrote: »

Can everyone stop guilt-tripping the guy into living because of how others will feel? That is more selfish not helpful at all.

He accepts responsibility for his actions and the effect he has on others. Doesn't evade it by lying to himself. Thats not guilt tripping.

*mod cap off* Get off your high horse elessar

SoCute

There is not much that people can do if you are not willing to work it out yourself. I mean, you haven't even told anybody what the actual problem is. Financial? Are you in danger? etc. Instead you have just came online and asked a question that you know will not get answered. You may have consciously decided to go ahead with it but subconsciously you don't want to do it, that is why you have called out for attention by creating a thread that you knew deep down would not be answered the way you want it to be. The next step is to commit to working at it and that means either get professional help or spell out the specific problem on the board. You will be committing a cowardly act and will be transfering your guilt/bad felings to the people who love you most and you will be remembered in some way for that so think about that.

What is the actual problem? Take advantage of your anonymity on this board and reveal it.

Dub6Kevin

Hi Curious

I tried to PM you but that wasn't possible so I'll just put this out there and hope you don't mind me sharing this.

I've been to the pits that you are in. Eight years ago I attempted suicide. It wasn't a cry for help, I had destroyed all my identifying documents and cut off all contact with my family and friends in order that I would (at least in my mind at the time) minimise the chance of them even finding out about it and being hurt.

I came very close to killing myself but was discovered and treated.

I have no right to tell you what to do and nor does anyone else. I'm simply telling you about me.

In those eight years things have turned around for me. I met and married an amazing woman, gained a degree and post grad and have found a job I love.

When I was suicidal I felt I had no hope. Even worse it felt like there was no hope of ever feeling hope again. I believe there is hope for us all. That life can get better. That feeling as depressed as you do is likely to be a temporary problem. Suicide is a permanent response to that temporary situation.

Sincerely, if you want to chat with someone who has been there then PM me and I'll give you my number.

__plec__

hey,

my story actually reflects the previous one from Dub6Kevin so close,

about 8 years ago, i too tried to end my life, luckily was found and helped.
At the time i couldnt leave the house, i couldnt be around people, actually spent a month avoiding people, locking myself in my room, the only thing that gave me any relief was the thought that i could just end everything.

However now im working in my dream job, have a degree and in the process of getting another, have lots of friends, and am loving life. Seriously if i could get through it then you can too, i was hopeles

feel free to pm me and we can chat if you want.

i think the fact that you've got so many responses shows you life is worth living, your life has endless potential to be fantastic, you just need to be shown how, and once you see then everything will fall into place for you, and you'll look back at how you feel now and will be so glad you decided to stay here

life can be great

OP-It's only feelings-they are fleeting.
Wouldnt it be far more exciting to up sticks and leave where you are living now and maybe travel for a year or get a job (it doesn't have to be anything special) somewhere else maybe in a warmer country?
Much more exciting than the unknown that is death.

So why not do that ?
Leave your troubles and your feelings elsewhere,behind don't bring them with you.
What could possibly worry you if you start with nothing somewhere else.
Try that please if you are feeling like you are at the end of your tether.

Leave a note for your family explaining that you are not feeling suicidal and that they needn't worry about that but that you needed to get away.
Tell them that you will send an email from time to time to let them know you are ok.
If you want no contact then send random messages via email or whatever and promise them that you will.

Now hop to it. Somewhere warm and in the EU where english is spoken would be as good a place as any to start. You need only earn what it takes for you to live and get by for your first few jobs untill you get settled in.

Good luck!

lemon125

I lost a close friend this way and there is never getting over it.

One thing i am surprised about is how some people think that they are going to another life and will live on. What if there's nothign, blank. There's no way back and say ops that didnt work. I think when you hear people say that they took their own life to see with someone else or see someone else who is dead is mad.

delop

If you cant help yourself, then try to help others... that might work...

It sounds like you need a holiday from yourself, Tell your GP and they will prescribe you some heavy drugs, Maybe Valium, It wont cure you but it will give you a break, and hopefully time to change your perspective...

Other options might be to quit your work and take up something like sailing, www.flyingfishonline.com will teach you from scratch. You will find that sailing can be quite dangerous at times, and I Guarantee you when you get into a dodgy situation you wont just lay down and die, self preservation will kick in and you will fght to survive, you might suprise yourself...

Sailing for a living is also a different world to live in, and can be quite rewarding...

tbh

your family will spend the rest of their lives wondering what it was they did that meant you couldn't ask them for help. This is about more than just you.

CuriousHmmm

Marksie wrote: »

CuriousHmmm: I lost a loved one three years ago suddenly.

I am not going to wrap this up, but i will never get over it.

So disguise it how you wish, pretend its for the best, that you are final about it.

But accept this and accept it fully: You will destroy the lives of those you love.


No ifs, no buts.

Can you PM me? Maybe I've got it wrong...

CuriousHmmm

What is Pieta house?

Oriel

I find it hard to believe that a person can seriously think about killing themselves, but then sit down at a computer and ask strangers about it.

star-pants

www.pieta.ie should give you some answers.

I'm not sure I could say more than others have, they've shared their experiences with you and hopefully you can see from them that suicide isn't your only door.

x

Oryx

Op. I wont sugar coat this either. If you commit suicide, it will be the single most selfish gesture you ever make, and your epitaph will be sorrow. You will ruin the lives of those around you and leave them with endless questions that they can never answer. You will have solved nothing, just given up on your life and left those you love to sort out the mess afterwards.

I know you feel pointless and low, but please try to fight through this. Other posters have shown it can be beaten. Please try.

Brian Hitch

Hi
My heart goes out to you so much. I know the dark place you are now. I know how you think by doing this you will no longer be a burden on your family/friends. A good friend once told me that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Here is a little story my psychologist gave me to read when my good friend pointed me in his direction after saving my life. I still read it 8 years later when I need to remind myself what is important in my life (the things & people that give me energy/support/love) and those who don't!!!

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two glasses of wine from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things; your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions; things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your House, and your car. The sand is everything else; the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first , ' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Spend some time with your friends. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the sticking door. Take care of the golf balls first; the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the wine represented.

The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of glasses of wine with a friend.'

beautiation

So sorry to hear you're feeling so bad, op. I know how absolutely convincing the feeling that it's time to go can be. Kinda gives a bit of meaning to all the random crap that life throws up, doesn't it? But please, before you do anything, take sometime out and think hard, really really hard, about if there's anything, any person or possibility, that's worth living for. Look back to happier times, think what you wanted from life then, and then try and find the strength to go after it. Just one last try with everything that you have.

If you don't manage to save yourself, and you feel you must go, then I hope you find a peaceful and painless way to do it. I hope so much you don't resort to suicide, but if you do please don't bring guilt to the grave with you like people are suggesting you should here. It is your life and noone else has a claim on it, if life is unbearable you have the right to end it, and abandoning other people has no more reason to be what stops you as if you were just moving permanently across the world.
I am not advocating suicide at all, but in my opinion there are definitely if's and but's to whether it is a selfish action, especially as it is impossible to argue from a suicidal point of view if you are not currently in one.

But please try before doing anything! Really hope you PM or post again. There was a thread from here a while back from somebody who was thinking of dropping themselves onto a train track, and they got great ongoing support from this place. You don't have to tell us your story if you don't want to, but the more you post the more concrete help we can give. Wishing ya well.:)

vibe666

I think a lot of us have been in a similar place to the OP at some point in our lives. maybe not as bad, maybe even worse, without knowing his/her circumstances we may never know. one thing is for sure though, things can and do get better no matter how bad it gets, no matter how low you are there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it.

I know what bought me down to that place, but even now I'm not sure what stopped me from going any further. maybe it was the thoughts of my family, maybe i was just too scared of what ley beyond, I'm really not sure. what i do know is that i would have missed out on some amazing things if I'd cashed in my chips back then and my life is totally different now. I couldn't have imagined where my life would end up, which I guess is what life is all about, just living and seeing where it takes you.

I'm not belittling your sadness OP, I'm sure you feel like it's the end and there's nowhere to go, but there are always options, even if it doesn't feel like it.

I have an aunt who's had more sadness in her life than anyone I've ever heard of. she's lost more than anyone I know of and she's still smiling and getting on with things. I'm pretty sure what she's been through would break most people totally, but the thought that she keeps on going always makes me feel better about my life.

Marksie

Giblets1067: this is the second time i have delted apost of yours as its not relevant.

Post again like that and you will be banned.

Drift

Hey Curious, I think you knew when you posted here that everyone here would want you to reconsider. That's a good thing. It means that deep down there is at least some small part of you that wanted to hear the arguments against suicide. You've taken one step towards listening to what that small part of you wants to hear and I think you owe it to yourself to pursue that before you do anything else. You've no reason not to look into it, if your life is as bad as you make out then looking at the reasons to stay alive can't make it any worse.

I also think you should visit a counsellor and see what they can say to you. Again there's no reason not to; Pieta House is free and I've heard nothing but good things about it. Why not explore every other avenue available before making the choice to end any possibility of exploring different things. You can also go to any GP if you prefer because they will know what way to point you.

turnsoutIwas

My cousin killed himself just over a week ago and we buried him this morning. I've never seen grief like I saw in his mother. We all wish he had talked to someone. Really, whatever you think now, dont.

chuci

from you posts it sounds like you are doubting yourself like you know this is wrong maybe you havent explored all the avenues that are available to you. iv been like you depressed ttried to die but was found and treated like the other two posters i have a degree doing something that i love and im in a relationship. but the main thing is that im happy i cant describe how brilliant that feels after years of feeling like there was nothing to live for. i suggest you call the the phone lines listed in other posts i wish i had. what my attempt did to my family emotionally was just awful cant imagine them if it had been successful i felt so selfish. pm me if you want.

filament

Snip.

girliegirl

I dont think that helps anyone filament

Oryx

filament wrote: »

<snip>
but you should think about it a little more

Post reported.

How do you know this, you tried it then filament?

Wibbs

Filament banned. Take time to think before you post.

Wurly

Filament are you for real?? Imagine if OP decided to give that a go, how would you feel then. You idiot!

Hope you're happy with yourself.

Wibbs

I understand the incredulity but shows over folks, back to helping the OP.

DawnMc

I think the majority of posts here have been very accurate and helpful to you OP but people can keep posting and you might not get the answer you need.

Seems like you posted here as you needed to hear something, I'm not sure what this is and I don't think anyone is. My advice to you is to seek out a good psychiatrist to help you as if you feel there is absolutely no other option for you, it is highly likely you are suffering from depression which is a debilitating illness.

It is incredibly difficult to hear of someone in your situation and as you can see from the various posts, everyone has a very strong reaction to it.

Please seek some help, at least give it a go, and let us know how you get on. PM me with your county if you need the name/number of a good psychiatrist and I'll see if I can help.

estar

i have some questions

- if you could wave a magic wand and get rid of some things
that make you feel sad what would they be

- do you really want to die, or just escape your life at the moment
for a while

- what relatives do you have

- how long have you felt this way

and further the fact that you are posting here, means, to me anyway
that you arent ready to die. you want to be persuaded to live.
and while people will want you to live, the only person with the
final say is you. you can honestly change all this, with help
if you just reach out.

DawnMc

It can be tempting to be logical but what the OP is experiencing (if it is depression) isn't logical so it's really no help to try and get OP to rationalise

gollyitsolly

Why dont you explain your reasons? Are you bored with life? Have you been everywhere and done everything? Are you severely disabled? Are you disfigured? Do you think nobody loves you? If its severe depression, there are medicines.Its a chemical imbalance.
You may think your life is worthless, but its not. I think we are all here for a reason and you just havent found yours yet.
If you are not happy with yourself why dont you try to bring some happiness to someone less fortunate. Please talk about yourself........