What are women really looking for????

Padjo1981

I am 27 not a bad looking guy, funny and in no way an arsehole or at least I have been told (and not by my mother either) but I have been single for ages, am just wondering what are women really looking for is it money, a big d&%k or is it sth else????? any and all ideas are welcome

karen3212

OK, it depends on the woman, but they are pretty much looking for the same thing as men, except I think with women, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. ie they don't seem to be as caught up on looks as men seem to be.

Sprouts

They have a checklist the length of your arm, constantly ticking little boxes in their heads. What do women want? Hmmm, good question, how can we answer that when they don't really know themselves .

RedXIV

they want the bad boy, or better yet, the mystery man, if you can intrigue a girl, you have her hook, line and sinker. try mind games on a night out and see how many women keep talking to ya.

example:
try looking up "five question game" on youtube. that works wonders for me

j4vier

scarface said it all really

first money, then power, then women :rolleyes:

that would be the easy way..

Marksie

They want deep down what everyone else wants.
But society conditions them differently and they react differently.

It also depends on where they are in life, what experiences they have had and so on.

So you really can't predict in general what someone wants.

But sprouts did say oine things: that they dont really know what they waht themsleves... but that i dont limit to women i regard it as something that the vasy majority of people of both sexes really don know.

calahans

I think a big part of it is self confidence. Thats the sum total of my 28 year research on the topic...

spinandscribble

with you already thinking women might only want money or a penis, you're already shooting yourself in the foot.

af_thefragile

They're looking for a sense of certainty, security, trust, happiness, love, pleasure and excitement and faith.

Basically what everyone needs in life. And not many people can achieve!

If you can give a women all of those things, you won't have the slightest problem finding a women.

First and foremost they want certainty and security. They need to be able to know you're for real and everything you're doing for her is not to just get in her pants. They want to know you won't after a while get bored and leave them for another women. They want to know if you can stay with them for life. Thats certainty. They need to know you will stand by them, protect them and support them through life. They can count on you and you'll be there for her during times of trouble. Thats security.
Reason why you find women flocking towards rich and successful guys. In most people's mind money=security.

Then they need trust, happiness, love and pleasure. Self explanatory. They need to know you can understand them and give them these needs when THEY need it.
Most people majorly fail here. They fail to understand their women or they fail to give it to them WHEN they need it. They become selfish and start using them for their own needs giving then all of those things when YOU need it. Not the women.

Then they need excitement and faith. They don't wanna get bored out of their mind in the relationship living the same routine over and over again. You need certainty in life but you even need a certain amount of uncertainty too. This is a major life paradox. If you get too certain then life becomes too boring and you lose all excitement. If it gets too uncertain then you freak out! So here you need to find the balance.
This is again where many people fail and they end up screwing things up in their relationships just to create uncertainty. They pick up fights for no reason, they do things that their other half dislikes, they can go all the way to end up cheating on their partner. All just to create some excitement in their boring and routine life.
So you'll need to look for uncertainty in other things and have faith that at the end of the day, things are going to be good. Having uncertainty with certainty bridged through faith (reason why faith is so important). Thats why you find people going skydiving, on adventures and doing all sorts of dangerous things. They need excitement but they even need to have the faith that their parachute will work perfect and they'll be safe at the end of the day.

So this is what women are really looking for.
And if you think about it, this is exactly what you're looking for too. But men tend to look for these things in different areas than where women look for them.
At the end of the day, this is what everyone needs. And if you can give them this, you'll have a brilliant relationship.

Wibbs

Long winded, hangover inspired waffle to follow.....

You could look at the different reproductive strategies between the genders which underly a lot of the behaviour we see. You could look at the social conditioning that springs from that and other sources. You can see why social power(which money is but one indicator), emotional stability, security, protectiveness and strength are appealing for a woman looking for a man who is a safe bet to reproduce with. At the very back of it all that's why men and women seek each other out.

Men have largely evolved to reproduce with the best (reproductively functional)female(or females) they can get with the resources at their disposal. Women have evolved to seek out males who will provide her with healthy children and the ability to care for both them and her. These are of course general concepts and society can hide or ignore much of that, but if you look at the most successful men and woman in the attraction stakes they follow those concepts very well.


It's not so much what women want. It's what you want to be as a man and what that actually means is the crux of the matter. I will say that not knowing how to be a man, especially in the shifting sands of gender roles today, is what makes so many younger men confused. The rise of the new pickup artist phenomena is again in my humble, a symptom of that confusion. Men are looking for answers, when the way they thought life, women and attracting same just doesn't seem to match the reality.

The usual response that many give to the question of what women want(especially from women strangely enough) is to "just be yourself". While its well intentioned, it's next to useless as advice if just being yourself isn't working. People men and women are never just being themselves. It's a sliding scale, but people have and use a front in nearly every social situation. Letting it all hang out is rare. Women know this and are not being themselves in social settings. If they were, even on the physical front the huge beauty industry wouldn't exist. Women on the pull or even in the social competitions with other women, polish themselves up a lot. Clothes to hide their bad points or accentuate their good points. Makeup, hair, shoes etc. The list is endless. In an average nightclub, there isn't a woman who isn't in "disguise". That goes for their personality too. They'll hold the bad parts back and push the good parts. Naturally. Men need to see that and do similar.

Usually just being yourself, may work for a guy who got lucky once or twice in his past, but the women left him and he moves on not knowing why she left him.

As an aside, this is an important lesson to learn. Speaking only for myself now but, I will say, with the odd exception every long termer woman who left me was largely down to me. They lost "the spark" for me, because they didn't see me as a man they could stay with, or they met someone else who ticked more boxes. This stuff does not come out of the blue. There is always a reason. Even if they can't express exactly why or use vague terms like they "fell out of love" with me. In each case I took a long hard look at myself to see where I went wrong. More imprtantly I sought to improve myself for myself so that was not the case again. In every case I have had exes look me up sometimes years later and in some cases wanting to try again, because the reason for the split was not there anymore and they were starting to fall back in love with me. Of course I had moved on by that stage so nothing would have happened. I know I have lots of room for improvement and that work is ongoing and shouldn't stop until I do.


Now the guy who has gotten lucky once or twice hopes to continue and get lucky again. Fine if he does, but not so good of he doesn't. If he doesn't seek to improve himself for himself, with a view to increase his chances, he may be waiting quite a while and then end up settling for what he can get. I've seen that quite a lot. Being yourself can work for a guy who has high value anyway, who can get away with more than a guy who is preceived as lower value.

You need to know your strengths and weaknesses. Work on both. Forgetting about women. Do it for yourself. If you're socially inept, practice and learn not to be. It can be done and it will enrich your life, even if you never got laid. If you're weedy, then get fitter. If you're broke, look at improving your lot. All of these will make your life better.

A lot of guys don't know whether to be emo metrosexuals("niiice guys") or boorish macho men("bastards"). Some can swing from one to the other. IMHO both ends of that spectrum are characteristics of immature males and boys. We see it here in this forum quite often. The usual "I want to be with her but she sees me as a friend" is a classic example of that. The short answer is that she sees you as a friend, because you're not acting like a sexual being who she would find attractive. It's rarely to do with looks either. I've known good looking men who have fallen into that trap. The boorish male while equally bad will have more success with women, because he can fool many by flicking some of the switches fully actuallised men would. He bypasses the knobend filter in some women, by acting like an independent man. How many women have you heard say I fancied him until I found out he was into me and stuff along those lines.

As men and women vary individually, you may not always get the one you want, but you will attract them. Be an attractive personality and lifestyle to people, full stop and that will attract women. Know yourself and set boundaries, especially emotional boundaries.

I think in the end what women want is a man. Figure out what that means and you'll attract your fair share.

End waffle.....

af_thefragile

Wibbs wrote: »

As men and women vary individually, you may not always get the one you want, but you will attract them. Be an attractive personality and lifestyle to people, full stop and that will attract women. Know yourself and set boundaries, especially emotional boundaries.

I think in the end what women want is a man. Figure out what that means and you'll attract your fair share.

You just cracked it there Wibbs!!

This is it! This is how you get women.
Its not by pursuing them and trying to make them believe you're worth their time and love.
Its by being the person she'ld want to spend her live with.

And this not just holds for women but life itself!

Mikel

Pretty spot on that.
Ever read 'The Game', it's pretty much the bible for the pick up artists you mention.
In the main it's shallow peurile and manipulative, but there are kernels of truth in there.
Make yourself more interesting, know how to start a conversation that piques a womans interest, that sort of thing.
But if you want to be a mate you have to advertise yourself as such. Common mistakes are being the shoulder to cry on hoping she'll turn to you one day, always being available, being a doormat, appearing too keen.
You don't have to be the big alpha male in every situation, but if you want to be seen as mating material, as was said above, you have to 'tick those boxes'

Mikel

af_thefragile wrote: »

This is it! This is how you get women.
Its not by pursuing them and trying to make them believe you're worth their time and love.

That reminds me of another one, make them seek your validation rather than the other way around

SarahSassy

Padjo1981 wrote: »

I am 27 not a bad looking guy, funny and in no way an arsehole or at least I have been told (and not by my mother either) but I have been single for ages, am just wondering what are women really looking for is it money, a big d&%k or is it sth else????? any and all ideas are welcome

The right man for them... Each person is different. Are you coming across as desparate and needy - thats what we DONT want.

Mikel

SarahSassy wrote: »

Are you coming across as desparate and needy - thats what we DONT want.

Exactly, be the opposite of that.
I find it ironic that its easy to interact with women you don't really care about.
as soon as you're head over heels for someone you're doing all the wrong things: desperate and needy!!

af_thefragile

^One thing i learned was being desperate and needy is the worst thing you can do.

Another eye opening realization i got one day was that not to try too hard!
Everytime you try too hard to please a girl, she'll immediately notice that and you'll immediately come off as desperate and needy.

Thats why when you're with girls you're not interested in, you're not trying too hard (infact you're not trying at all!) and you end up easily interracting with them and doing great.
But when you find a girl you find attractive, you start to try too hard to get to please her, interract with her and get her to like you. This is where you majorly screwup. When you're interested and you start to try too hard.

Now its another paradox of life. Only when you don't try hard to get the girl, you'll get her. But when you try hard to get her, you'll screw up!

And then its the question about how are you gonna get the girl you're interested in when you don't try to get her?! Well, you see, thats the life paradox!
Not trying is the best way to get the girl!

But when you think about it, it goes back to the whole being the man the girl gets attracted to. Making them seek your validation rather than you trying to prove your validation to her!

Its all deep, interlinked and filled with paradoxes dude, its all about being the man.
When you're the man, women will come to you.

Talliesin

Padjo1981 wrote: »

what are women really looking for is it money, a big d&%k or is it sth else?????

A really nice pair of shoes?

Someone with enough cop-on to not think there's a single universal answer to this question?

LegacyUser

Mikel wrote: »

Pretty spot on that.
Ever read 'The Game', it's pretty much the bible for the pick up artists you mention.
In the main it's shallow peurile and manipulative, but there are kernels of truth in there.
Make yourself more interesting, know how to start a conversation that piques a womans interest, that sort of thing.

Great post from wibbs above.

Have you seen the guys who do that pua stuff? Most of them are strange guys.
But it seems to work.

Women are shallow creatures.

Talliesin

That's very unfair to Wibbs. It's someone else that believed in that "The Game" garbage.

Carrigart Exile

Sprouts wrote: »

They have a checklist the length of your arm, constantly ticking little boxes in their heads. What do women want? Hmmm, good question, how can we answer that when they don't really know themselves .

+1

SarahSassy

Sprouts wrote: »

They have a checklist the length of your arm, constantly ticking little boxes in their heads. What do women want? Hmmm, good question, how can we answer that when they don't really know themselves .

We know it when we see it.... Guys just think we dont know what we want when we dont want them....

St Bill

Unrer1101 wrote: »

Women are shallow creatures.

Big brush and a lot of tar, I hope you're up to the job

Irachka

Padjo1981 wrote: »

I am 27 not a bad looking guy, funny and in no way an arsehole or at least I have been told (and not by my mother either) but I have been single for ages, am just wondering what are women really looking for is it money, a big d&%k or is it sth else????? any and all ideas are welcome

Can i just ask one thing?? How do you normally approach girls??

LegacyUser

I was of course speaking in general.

But, in general, they are.

Wibbs

Talliesin wrote: »

That's very unfair to Wibbs. It's someone else that believed in that "The Game" garbage.

Exactly. I'm no fan of that guff. Certainly not as a plan that you can tick off a checklist and wahey you get laid. It has gained a large following who report back to the other pickup nerds as to what works and what doesn't. It seems to be mostly nerdy types who dig it. People who like checklists and plans. Fair enough and because it does have a very rapid report back feature as such it is some insight at least into one particular aspect of the attraction/dating world. In the US at least. It does work, though I saw a program on a guy who was a big mover in it and he was tall and goodlooking so anything he pulled would likely work.

Unrer1101 wrote:

Women are shallow creatures.

They are if you don't know any or regard them as different creatures not fellow humans. Now there are broad differences between men and women and their approach. Both sides would do well to see and appreciate those differences. Don't judge the other by one's own standards.

Plus it's easy to see them as shallow as it gives you an excuse why you may fail.

One thing I have found though is that many women will say they're looking for one thing yet keep going for quite another. As SarahSassy wrote they know it when they see it. It can be difficult to put it into a precise description.

heyjude

spinandscribble wrote: »

with you already thinking women might only want money or a penis, you're already shooting yourself in the foot.

Perhaps, but you will see very few unattached or unmarried millionaires, which of course could be because all millionaires are handsome, witty, intelligent, caring etc or maybe, just maybe it could be what all millionaires have in common....they are rich!!!

Ickle Magoo

heyjude wrote: »

Perhaps, but you will see very few unattached or unmarried millionaires, which of course could be because all millionaires are handsome, witty, intelligent, caring etc or maybe, just maybe it could be what all millionaires have in common....they are rich!!!

I think women are drawn to successful men because they have certain characteristics that made them successful - often they are clever, socially aware, interesting people - added to the fact they are also a monitory success & you have a great combination.

OP, just be yourself & enjoy being single. There is nothing more off putting to a girl than a guy who is just desperate to be in a relationship. Stop looking for love & let it find you.

Wibbs

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I think women are drawn to successful men because they have certain characteristics that made them successful - often they are clever, socially aware, interesting people - added to the fact they are also a monitory success & you have a great combination.

Very true although highly successful men are more often than not also highly goal driven and can be emotionally remote when the lurve wears off.

There is nothing more off putting to a girl than a guy who is just desperate to be in a relationship.

Very very good advice.

OP, just be yourself & enjoy being single.

The latter is very good advice and if I may add being single is along with the fun factor a time and chance to reflect on who you are and want to be. A time to work on you without distraction.

With respect, the former, "just be yourself" is not good advice and is all too often trotted out as a panacea, when it is clearly not. What does it even mean anyway? If being himself has gotten him to this point where attracting someone is very difficult for him may I suggest that being himself as he is now is not a good thing. Let's face facts, if being himself worked he wouldn't be here. If being yourself got results these threads which pop up on an almost daily basis would never be written. Certainly, he needs to retain his core values and personality, but he also needs to up his game and improve where he needs to. Like a woman may dress to accentuate her advantages and play down her disadvantages he may have to do the same with his personality. Now I'm not suggesting trying to get rid of who he is. That will never work, except on a short term basis. I'm just saying he needs to improve himself for himself in all aspects of his life.

Stop looking for love & let it find you.

Yes he should stop being desperate, but at the same time he needs to figure out what isn't working for him. Passively waiting for love and all that is not a good bet. He could be waiting a loooong time and be missing out on people he could be with now. A woman has more chance of finding love while waiting around as it's largely a sellers market. A man in most cases doesn't have that option.

Marksie

Wibbs wrote: »

With respect, the former, "just be yourself" is not good advice and is all too often trotted out as a panacea, when it is clearly not. What does it even mean anyway?

Welll the first step in being yourself wibbs is understanding who you are, your motivations, needs, wants and desires. So perhaps it should be rephrased as "knowing your self"

If there are aspects you want to understand, the neediness for a relationship, why you may be looking or what is driving you then thats the way to go.

If there are aspects you want to change, then you can.

When you have done that, then you will cease to wonder what women want and try to conform to that spurious ideal and begin to accept them for who they are. But you will also begin to understand what motivates them.
In turn they will see that you are confident in yourself, pretty much grounded in who you are and what you really want.
That does make a big difference in my personal experience.

So i guess my bottom line is: not to wonder what women want, but to determine what it is in you first

Nevyn

To be treated as an individual and not have to put up with guys who make sweeping assumptions about them cos they happen to be female.

Seriously there are many different types people who lead differing lives;
some will want to just have a fúck buddy,
some with want do just casually date,
some will want more serious dating,
some will want to date with the eye to a long term moving in relationship.
Only way to figure it out is to ask.

But you have to know what you want.

Take the time to think about and write a checklist for yourself of what you want/need
and go about finding the person to have that relationship or as close to that relationship as possible.

af_thefragile

Wow, this thread is trully Epic!
You learn so much from here... Its only when you fail and think about why you fail, you come up with some of the biggest solutions and answers.

A lot has been said here already.
Why women go for rich successful men? Because rich successful men are powerful, usually idealistic, they are determined to get things done, they are almost the alpha male!
And well, above all, being with a rich and successful man increases the womens worth. They feel more important themselves and feel of a higher value.

Women love men who can make them feel beautiful. They adore men who can increase their self worth and value.

And to add the last thing.
Just enjoying being single is the key to it.
Or else you'll end up coming off as desperate and needy. Which as said many times before is just bad!
Apart from enjoying your life, you've also gotta be aware. Be aware of opportunities. Loads of opportunities come by you everyday but most of the times you're just not aware enough to take notice. Opportunity striked the prepared.

Saying you'll just enjoy your life and passively wait for the right person to come will not work very well.
What you've gotta do instead is to enjoy your life and be aware of any opportunities of love that come your way. And trust me, there are many that come, you've just gotta have an eye for them!
There are a thousand places and moments where you could have had sparked a conversation with a random stranger, but you let all those moments pass by cuz you didn't really notice them or you didn't care.
Now you've even gotta first learn to distinguish opportunities from just random confrontations. That will take some time and experience.

So at the end of it all, You've gotta love your life, You've gotta enjoy your life, You've gotta keep working on yourself to become better accentuating your strong points and working on yout weak ones, You've gotta be aware. You'll never know when the "right" person will drop by in your life and depending on whether you're aware or not, you'll miss it or you'll grab it!

When i met my last girlfriend, it was completely random. I never expected it, i never anticipated or contemplated it. She just suddenly came into my life out of nowhere and things changed. And i had tried chatting up a good few girls and tried getting a relationship that way, but it never really worked. Then how did it work this time around where i wasn't even looking for a girl and here suddenly i found myself in a relationship?!
That was only cause the opportunity came by my life and this time around i was aware to take notice of it and grab it.
And trust me dude, many opportunities like that come your way everyday. You've gotta gotta be aware of them and know where to find them.

Marksie

af_theFragile: A dumb priest never got a parish is one useful saying in situations like that.

So yes, sitting at home trying to work out what women want and fitting yourself into a bracket based on that is not going to work.

If your good at chatting up, then those skills can be learned. I am not preferring to talk to people, which is in itself an incredibly useful means as you are getting to know someone.

So "being myself" hasn't been an issue, but it has drawn people of likeminds and individualistic natures.
As thaed says, if you treat somene as an individual rather than a generalistaion, then you boith end us shoeing aspects of yourselves and if they match, take it from there

michaelanthony

A decent car and a nice place

Lux23

Talliesin wrote: »

Someone with enough cop-on to not think there's a single universal answer to this question?

Thats what I would want.

Sprouts

I suppose you can understand all the terms and conditions women set before choosing a partner, because like flowers they bloom only for a short time. They have to be very selective before the looks go really. Whilst men mature like a fine wine....:p

Lux23

Sprouts wrote: »

I suppose you can understand all the terms and conditions women set before choosing a partner, because like flowers they bloom only for a short time. They have to be very selective before the looks go really. Whilst men mature like a fine wine....:p

Yea, I mean just look at Peter Stringfellow.

The most important when looking for a girlfriend is to get yourself out there and don't be spending every weekend 'out with the lads', try and find an interest where you can meet women when your not drunk.

Ickle Magoo

Wibbs wrote: »

With respect, the former, "just be yourself" is not good advice and is all too often trotted out as a panacea, when it is clearly not. What does it even mean anyway?

Well, to me it means being true to yourself, not trying hard to be anyone or anything you are not. Being comfortable in your own skin & being happy to be on your own until you find someone you really, really want to be with. It means making moves on someone you really fancy in a genuine & friendly way & having the confidence to accept that if they aren't interested, it isn't down to some kind of fatal flaw in your personality, you're just not their cup of tea. With respect, most people who post here about relationship issues are a long way off being happy with who they are.

Wibbs wrote: »

A woman has more chance of finding love while waiting around as it's largely a sellers market. A man in most cases doesn't have that option.

I'm not sure about that, I know plenty of men who are never short of having a woman on their arm & it's not down to chasing these women, stunning good looks, that they are world class comedians, or even have pots of money - it's men who are confident, men who are not scared of women, men who enjoy life because they don't spend their time analysing & doubting - they just have fun & that positivity makes both men & women gravitate towards them.

In short, I think learning to "just be yourself" is vital to others finding you attractive - especially if you don't have stunning good looks or a heap of cash to recommend you.

Wibbs

Marksie wrote: »

Welll the first step in being yourself wibbs is understanding who you are, your motivations, needs, wants and desires. So perhaps it should be rephrased as "knowing your self"

If there are aspects you want to understand, the neediness for a relationship, why you may be looking or what is driving you then thats the way to go.

If there are aspects you want to change, then you can.

When you have done that, then you will cease to wonder what women want and try to conform to that spurious ideal and begin to accept them for who they are. But you will also begin to understand what motivates them.
In turn they will see that you are confident in yourself, pretty much grounded in who you are and what you really want.
That does make a big difference in my personal experience.

So i guess my bottom line is: not to wonder what women want, but to determine what it is in you first

That's a damn good way to put it.

Ickle Magoo wrote:

Well, to me it means being true to yourself, not trying hard to be anyone or anything you are not. Being comfortable in your own skin & being happy to be on your own until you find someone you really, really want to be with. It means making moves on someone you really fancy in a genuine & friendly way & having the confidence to accept that if they aren't interested, it isn't down to some kind of fatal flaw in your personality, you're just not their cup of tea. With respect, most people who post here about relationship issues are a long way off being happy with who they are.

Very true and a good expansion of being yourself. As you point out too many aren't even close to that. Telling them to just be themselves can often have the opposite effect as intended. They'll stay as they are and hope for the best, thinking well "I'm being myself". Unless they get lucky they'll stay single and if they do get lucky it won't last. Knowing and being the best you can be requires work and a lot of it and it's a long term thing too.

I'm not sure about that, I know plenty of men who are never short of having a woman on their arm & it's not down to chasing these women, stunning good looks, that they are world class comedians, or even have pots of money - it's men who are confident, men who are not scared of women, men who enjoy life because they don't spend their time analysing & doubting - they just have fun & that positivity makes both men & women gravitate towards them.

True but by defintion they're not waiting around. They're being proactive. A woman can by comparison, be less proactive and still get hit on on a fairly regular basis. An averagely attractive woman is hit on almost weekly if not daily from a very early age. This is not the case for the majority of men. Men have to be more proactive. Now there are of course exceptions where women will ask men out etc, but they are the exceptions. Few enough women would be obvious in trying to chat up a random guy in a social setting.

Sprouts wrote:

I suppose you can understand all the terms and conditions women set before choosing a partner, because like flowers they bloom only for a short time. They have to be very selective before the looks go really. Whilst men mature like a fine wine....

Yes and no. Some men do. Most don't. It's like so many bald guys reference Sean Connery regarding sexy bald men. They're not sean they're just bald for better or worse. Same with guys going on about older men. A lot of men let themselves go into middle aged spread quite early and they weren't exactly great cathes to start with, so lumping themselves in with george cloony and the like as examples of well matured men is a bit rich.

In any case both genders have advantages and disadvantages in the dating stakes. Men have the advantage that they can overcome faces like a bulldog lickin píss of a nettle by being financially and socially successful. That option is not open to women by comparison. I have a mate that's short fat and bald. Not a lot of women came his way when he was younger. Indeed he was often mocked for his efforts. Fast forward 15 yrs and he's very successful and is now beating them off left and right. He's still short fat and bald(er). He just has a much higher value set of women jumping through hoops for him.His confidence has certainly gone up though. Success in anything breeds confidence.

Beruthiel

To me Wibbs, being yourself means exactly that.
Many people out there, when meeting others, will try to put on an act, or hold back or won't say x, y or z because they fear the reaction or that people will think them odd or weird or think their opinion is not valid.
Throwing caution to the wind is difficult for some, thus many will never get to know them properly, because they weren't 'being themselves'

To answer the OP's question, I look for the following:

Respect.
Loyalty.
Self reliance.
A cute butt and a sense of humour

Gyalist

Padjo1981 wrote: »

I am 27 not a bad looking guy, funny and in no way an arsehole or at least I have been told (and not by my mother either) but I have been single for ages, am just wondering what are women really looking for is it money, a big d&%k or is it sth else????? any and all ideas are welcome

The question should really be What do *you* want? Once you've figured out that part, the others will fall into place.

Marksie

michaelanthony wrote: »

A decent car and a nice place

Cars break down and houses requre upkeep.

Wibbs wrote: »

That's a damn good way to put it.

.

It ain't copywrited, feel free to use

Beruthiel wrote: »

A cute butt and a sense of humour

I've caught ya looking (and laughing ! )

impr0v

Marksie wrote: »

Welll the first step in being yourself wibbs is understanding who you are, your motivations, needs, wants and desires. So perhaps it should be rephrased as "knowing your self"

If there are aspects you want to understand, the neediness for a relationship, why you may be looking or what is driving you then thats the way to go.

If there are aspects you want to change, then you can.

When you have done that, then you will cease to wonder what women want and try to conform to that spurious ideal and begin to accept them for who they are. But you will also begin to understand what motivates them.
In turn they will see that you are confident in yourself, pretty much grounded in who you are and what you really want.
That does make a big difference in my personal experience.

So i guess my bottom line is: not to wonder what women want, but to determine what it is in you first

What he said.

RedXIV

I have to say it, that i do agree with alot that was said but if i was going to offer the OP one piece of advice, it'd be read "The Game" by Neil Stauss. I'm not gonna say i was crap at talking to people or chatting up girls before reading this book, unfortunately, that reputation was already established (thank you alcohol!) but this book was an incredibly interesting insight into a woman's mind.
Like Wibbs said, don't believe all of it, but there is alot to learn from that book. The idea of making her seek your validation i think was already raised, and this, whether women here like it or not, is true!

My housemate and I read the book and decided to try out some of the stuff in it and my housemate went straight up to the first girl he saw in the night club with the opening line "Hi, my name is Manny the martian and i'm after losing my ray gun, have you seen it?". This line is used to help guys get used to approaching women in the book and my housemate made very good friends with that girl after she burst out laughing at his opening statement. I'll acknowledge that it won't work for everybody but this is an example that it doesn't matter WHAT you say, but more HOW you say it. Keep thinking of yourself as the prize and it comes across in your stance, body language and conversation. And that will attract women.

So OP, if your still at a loss, find that book, read it and more importantly, try the stuff in it.

Nevyn

RedXIV wrote: »

I have to say it, that i do agree with alot that was said but if i was going to offer the OP one piece of advice, it'd be read "The Game" by Neil Stauss.
.... but this book was an incredibly interesting insight into a woman's mind.

It gives a look in to a standard stereotypical person's mind and not into the
mind of the mythical 'all woman' that all women think like.

RedXIV wrote: »

Like Wibbs said, don't believe all of it, but there is alot to learn from that book. The idea of making her seek your validation i think was already raised, and this, whether women here like it or not, is true!

More like you can learn to be confident and how to manipulate people.
Which may be one way to a shag but hardly the way to respect someone if you are out looking for a possible relationship.

Wibbs

Thaedydal wrote: »

It gives a look in to a standard stereotypical person's mind and not into the
mind of the mythical 'all woman' that all women think like.

That's the problem I would have with it. It is very general. Then again if a guy is having problems in this area, starting from a general standpoint has it's uses. Even if to find out one size does not fit all. Getting a few harmless snogs where before there was a sexual desert may give much needed confidence.

More like you can learn to be confident and how to manipulate people.
Which may be one way to a shag but hardly the way to respect someone if you are out looking for a possible relationship.

True. I think there's a balance with it and it can too far the other way. There's I guy I know that I've referenced before that went through a very bad breakup. Very sensitive kinda guy and basically got his heart stepped on. He moped around for a while, but then went into the angry phase at women, followed by him being a slut of the highest order. Now this was well before this pickup expert trend but I've seen him operate and I'll admit it surprised me how easy he could manipulate some women. I've seen him get women who were in relationships, engaged, married etc. They weren't all obvious idiots either. He's not exactly adonis to boot. The basic technique from what I could see is that he was very confident and basically ignored what she was saying "I have a boyfriend" etc. He definitely makes himself out to be the prize that they must have kinda thing. I've seen women say they thought he was awful, or they didn't like the look of him and an hour later they're eating the face off him. I'll also admit it can be impressive to watch but the sad thing is he can't seem to reset to his previous mode as he says now he's been through the looking glass and he can't trust "women" anymore. He has a very sound girlfriend now. They kinda just happened too, but I can tell he's not fully in it and that's sad. He's a good guy too which is worse.

All of that guff is just to say that with anything you can go too far. Yes you may get laid more, but a connection with another human being on an intimate level may escape you.

Sprouts

Its easy enough to do all that, go out just to score, to lie to and manipulate people, tell girls what they want to hear and not to care about their feelings after you get what your'e after, but really whats the point? To feel like a big man? For two minutes of fun you'll just feel hollow and basically sh*t after. It's having no respect for others or yourself.

Ickle Magoo

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

There is nothing more off putting to a girl than a guy who is just desperate to be in a relationship. Stop looking for love & let it find you.

This is always where I go wrong. I come across as "desperate and needy" as was said earlier. I've no idea how to avoid it. I'm 23 and never had a girlfriend.

Beruthiel wrote: »

To me Wibbs, being yourself means exactly that.
Many people out there, when meeting others, will try to put on an act, or hold back or won't say x, y or z because they fear the reaction or that people will think them odd or weird or think their opinion is not valid.

In fairness B, I believe that talking about my hobbies would make a girl run a mile! At one stage I didn't care but I got attached to a certain someone and she made it clear that she didn't want to know about them - since then I've been like this with everyone.

Nevyn

Karsini wrote: »

In fairness B, I believe that talking about my hobbies would make a girl run a mile! At one stage I didn't care but I got attached to a certain someone and she made it clear that she didn't want to know about them - since then I've been like this with everyone.

That depends on the girl ( ok and the hobbies ) but it's not fair to say every hot female you meet has no interest in non 'girlie' hobbies.

Marksie

Karsini wrote: »

In fairness B, I believe that talking about my hobbies would make a girl run a mile! At one stage I didn't care but I got attached to a certain someone and she made it clear that she didn't want to know about them - since then I've been like this with everyone.

Not wanting to know what someone does as a hobby is ok Karsini, its more important that they accept you do it and that you accept that they might not want to know.

RedXIV

Thaedydal wrote: »

It gives a look in to a standard stereotypical person's mind and not into the
mind of the mythical 'all woman' that all women think like.

This is true, it does give the most general of templates but even a template is better to start with than an empty sheet if you want to progress. And if you think about it, Everyone in the world (well 99% anyway) operates by certain levers, people appreciate compliments, people take offence at insults. It obviously can't go on to list that Girl A likes swimming so mention you have a pool or Girl B likes cooking so say you own a restaurant

Thaedydal wrote: »

More like you can learn to be confident and how to manipulate people.
Which may be one way to a shag but hardly the way to respect someone if you are out looking for a possible relationship.

Be fair here, the book does teach confidence but that doesn't automatically mean that every guy who reads it is gonna turn into a whoring machine. I read the book and i still value relationships. This book is no different from the countless Women's magazines with "How to keep your guy happy in 4 easy steps!" printed on the cover. You cannot lump every guy into the category that all they want at the end of the day is easy loving, the guys on this forum are evidence to the contary!

Wibbs

Karsini wrote: »

This is always where I go wrong. I come across as "desperate and needy" as was said earlier. I've no idea how to avoid it. I'm 23 and never had a girlfriend.

The latter informs the former. You need to get out and explore more options socially. Practice and indeed fail. And fail you will, but that's part of the learning experience.

In fairness B, I believe that talking about my hobbies would make a girl run a mile! At one stage I didn't care but I got attached to a certain someone and she made it clear that she didn't want to know about them - since then I've been like this with everyone.

Well of course it depends on the hobbies and more importantly how obsessive you may come across to someone you're interested in. Fine if you meet a woman who may be equally into the same things, but to give yourself a wider choice, maybe tone down that aspect. Someone who is overly nerdy(for want of a better word) may come across as self involved as they come over as not taking into account others interests or feelings. Before people jump on me here, I'm not saying to be someone else, I am saying that we all edit ourselves socially one way or the other. Social interaction is pretty much a learned thing. We learned it early though some don't. It may seem natural to some but how they may appear now is down to practice. To the extent that most think they are acting naturally. They are, but as I said it's in the context of how others may react and how they have learned to respond to that.

RedXIV wrote:

This is true, it does give the most general of templates but even a template is better to start with than an empty sheet if you want to progress. And if you think about it, Everyone in the world (well 99% anyway) operates by certain levers, people appreciate compliments, people take offence at insults. It obviously can't go on to list that Girl A likes swimming so mention you have a pool or Girl B likes cooking so say you own a restaurant

I would tend to agree. While I wouldn't be so reductive as to suggest that one size fits all, people do differ, but most have fairly consistent responses. Interesting programme on the TV(Horizon AFAIR) where they showed how easily perceptions about others could be changed by something as simple as holding a hot or a cold cup. The latter engendered a negative response. We all like to think of ourselves as individuals that don't buy into this stuff, myself included, but we do, myself included.

The thing is this pickup stuff is being tried out on a daily basis and has a very high self reporting factor. Since this thread started I have looked into to it and have been surprised at the amount of google returns on it and how consistent the "tactics" are. There seems to be some truth to it. Indeed many of the guys who would utilise this would be of the "nerdy" type who would be very precise. It's a large scale social experiment into how a large amount of women may act in certain particular social circumstances. The fact that it does seem to work in those cases warrants interest.

This book is no different from the countless Women's magazines with "How to keep your guy happy in 4 easy steps!" printed on the cover.

A good point. IMHO women(clearly not all of course) are learning about men, how to deal with them etc from an earlier age and with more detail. The titles on this subject in women's magazines are a good example. How to get a man, how to know your man loves you, how to keep a man, how to dump a man, etc Compare that to mens magazines on the subject. Loads of stuff on the latest totty, or how to give a woman an orgasm, but precious little about how to attract a woman and more importantly how to keep her and nurture a relationship. Even look at the the threads that show up in the Ladies lounge here. It can often be a subset of PI concerning relationships. Far more relationship stuff when compared to the BGRH where it's all about the jugs.. OK this is obviously a generalisation, but women do put more importance and more effort into the workings of the opposite sex than men to a deeper level. They also have more idea about how men tick. I know many women will say that's not the case, but in the main it is. In the initial stages of attraction anyway, women hold more of the cards. I certainly have noticed that through the years with men and women I know as friends. the women are better in general at playing the game. I don't mean playing games though. Both can do that.

Closer to home; I have heard that some women on this board have been surprised that I am a bloke. What's that say about their perception of men and what they might know, if you know what I mean?

In the end a woman could have started this thread. What are men really looking for???. I would suspect that it would be more likely to be in the context of a relationship though not in the attracting of a man in the first place. Not always, but generally.