The Pun appreciation thread!

It BeeMee

I knew a snake charmer that married an undertaker.
Everything was marked "Hiss" and "Hearse"

Homer

Two snakes seperated after a long relationship.. One said to the other "fangs for the memories".

Let's not get all hiss-terical now ok!

The Hill Billy

Those sort of break-ups can leave you rattled. As my mamba used to say to me - "You need to viper from your mind, python your glad rags & go enjoy yourself."

Homer

Just heard the two snakes decided to get back together.. They've recently given birth to a bouncing baby boa :pac:

jobucks

industria wrote: »

Just heard the two snakes decided to get back together.. They've recently given birth to a bouncing baby boa :pac:

I thought that they couldn't multiply as they were adders ???

:rolleyes:

The Hill Billy

industria wrote: »

Just heard the two snakes decided to get back together.. They've recently given birth to a bouncing baby boa :pac:

I heard that it was a one-night-stand & that they were both legless.

Homer

I went on holidays recently with some Luggage made of snakeskin...


They only went and charged me for ex-hiss baggage?

The Hill Billy

That's a pity, coz if your luggage was leather it would only cost you a tanner.

Alice1

Once upon a time, the brave knight, Sir Knighty McKnight was riding through the forest on his noble steed (named Séamus). Clip clopping along when suddenly, the noble steed lost a shoe. "Oh janey mack, my noble steed has lost shoe - I'm in trouble now cos I'm gonna be late for the battle"
He dismounted the noble steed and walked beside him for a while pondering what to do.
Then he saw a light in a house in a clearing in the forest. When he got to the house he saw it was the house of a lowly peasant. He knocked on the door and said"Lowly peasant, I am the brave knight Sir Knighty McKnight and my noble steed Séamus has lost a shoe. Pray lend me your horse so I may go to battle" The lowly peasant said "I haven't got no horse mister - nor even a donkey"
"You have no beast at all?" queried the knight.

"Weeeelll, I have - but him's a dog. Him's an Irish Wolfhound" said the lowly peasant.

"I s'pose he'll have to do - I must get to the battle" said Sir Knighty.

"Ah no" said the peasant. "Sure I couldn't let a knight out on a dog like that"

The Hill Billy

A knight riding a dog into battle?
He must be barking mad.

The canine ruff guide to London includes such attactions as the Isle of dogs & Barking.

Homer

The weather lately would depress you.. It's been raining cats and dogs. There were poodles all over the road.

Red setter at night sheepdog's delight!

Homer

Deleted User wrote: »

Red setter at night sheepdog's delight!

Now, you're just getting some sheep thrills there :pac:

The Hill Billy

Quit horsing around you pair! It is getting on my goat.

Al_Fernz

A bear goes into a bar and says: "Excuse me barman, can I have a.............................................................................................pint of Guinness."

The Barman: "Sure, why the long paws"

Hill Billy

Hill Billy wrote: »

Quit horsing around you pair! It is getting on my goat.

Okay OKay ... no need to nag!

The Hill Billy

Deleted User wrote: »

Okay OKay ... no need to nag!

Me, nag? Neigh, neigh & thrice neigh!

Homer

Hill Billy wrote: »

Me, nag? Neigh, neigh & thrice neigh!

Stop it now.. You're a night-mare!

The Hill Billy

I bridled at your comment. But you spurred me to say that you're saddled with me now chaps.

Jesus Wept

horse

neigh!! a pony, cost £20 you know.

The Bollox

Deleted User wrote: »

neigh!! a pony, cost £20 you know.

€20? SCORE!

WindSock

I went for an interview with a blacksmith yesterday. He asked me if i ever shoed a horse. I said no, but I once told a dog to fuck off!

The Hill Billy

What a load of cobblers!

Homer

You sure it was a real horse and not a phony?

The Bollox

industria wrote: »

You sure it was a real horse and not a phony?

not sure, I'll have to mule it over

garrincha62

I'll have the crocodile steak please waiter. And make it snappy...

Homer

In some countries steaks are rare, but if you can find one, well done!

The Hill Billy

I want more meat-related puns & I want them now!
C'mon, chop-chop!