Boyfriend and Porn

Sophiieekins

Hi this is my first post. I'm just really upset about my boyfriend looking at porn. We've been together for 3 years and I know some of u will tell me i'm crazy for feeling this way but i cant help it. i love him so much but the thought of him looking at other women naked and having a w ank over them just cuts me up. it must mean he fancies them. and some of u will say "yeh he does fancy them, but thats fine accept it." but thats beside the point. I mean, imagine if some girl he finds attractive was a lovely person too and she fancied my boyfriend. then thats a big threat. what makes me more important to him that this girl? how am i special if he cud hypothetically speaking have some girl he fancies as a girlfriend. and she may be less annoying too....

Sophie

m83

here we go again.....

Ruu_Old

This topic comes up so often. Is it getting in the way of spending time with him? If so, then there might be an issue and then again if not, don't panic. Us men are visually stimulated and really time spent looked at naked wimmen=5-10 minutes? and time spend with you= a whole lot more. Ask him if there is some that you can watch together.

biko

Earlier boards threads on the topic

Dave!

Either ask him to stop or else get over your insecurities and grow up.

togster

I think if it bothers you so much he should stop.

Webmonkey

togster wrote: »

I think if it bothers you so much he should stop.

I disagree - why should he give up something like that because the girlfriend is too insecure. Look, how can it be a threat OP? - I'm sure he is extremely attracted to you. Guys just naturally have a liking for porn regardless if they are married, single, in a longtime relationship etc etc. I would guess most guys that are in relationships look at porn. It doesn't mean he thinks any less of you, so wake up!

Overheal

togster wrote: »

I think if it bothers you so much he should stop.

Haha... no. Relationships are a 2 way street. Thats like asking a woman to give up her telephones.

Porn only momentarily satisfies the penis. not the brain and not the heart. What do you have to worry about here?

AARRRGH

He's not going to stop, and you'll be very hard pressed to find any guy who doesn't like porn / look at porn the odd time.

You will have to figure out a way to accept this.

KTRIC

dublindude wrote: »

He's not going to stop, and you'll be very hard pressed to find any guy who doesn't like porn / look at porn the odd time.

Except for priests

Lux23

dublindude wrote: »

He's not going to stop, and you'll be very hard pressed to find any guy who doesn't like porn / look at porn the odd time.

You will have to figure out a way to accept this.

I agree.

OP this is your problem not his. You need to work out a way to deal with this as it will damage your realtionship if he feels you can't trust him.

togster

Overheal wrote: »

Haha... no. Relationships are a 2 way street.

Actually the best ones are. If it upsets the OP so much i don't see why he shouldn't stop. If he loves her he would. It obviously bothers her alot.

togster

Lux23 wrote: »

OP this is your problem not his.

WHAT? No its actually their problem.

Sam Vimes

KTRIC wrote: »

Except for priests

probably not tbh. they have to get release somehow and better looking at porn than with an alter boy.


Sophiieekins, every bloke looks at porn. as people have said, this topic pops up every two days or so. the responses are always the same and can be seen above

Sam Vimes

togster wrote: »

Actually the best ones are. If it upsets the OP so much i don't see why he shouldn't stop. If he loves her he would. It obviously bothers her alot.

i take it you're a girl. i could be wrong but that's the standard girl response.

AARRRGH

togster wrote: »

WHAT? No its actually their problem.

Well, unless she deals with this issue, she's going to bring it into every relationship she has for the rest of her life, whereas the boyfriend just has to break up with her to make his problem go away.

Sam Vimes

dublindude wrote: »

Well, unless she deals with this issue, she's going to bring it into every relationship she has for the rest of her life, whereas the boyfriend just has to break up with her to make his problem go away.

QFT. she might as well be upset because her boyfriend drinks beer and watches sport.

Overheal

KTRIC wrote: »

Except for priests

They know what they do :mad:

@togster sure he might ditch the current stash and stop for a couple weeks but I'll bet you anything it wont last - he'll be dry humping her all across the kitchen and getting hard at work :eek: then he gets fired, the rumours get around and.... wow Im gonna wander off to write a random sitcom.

Seriously if you owned one of these things, you would understand.

dublindude you're growing this habit recently of good posting.

Sophiieekins

overheal tho...
he cud still relieve himself without the porn tho.. he cud think of me.? i dont see the problem..

m83

Sam Vimes wrote: »

QFT. she might as well be upset because her boyfriend drinks beer and watches sport.

Well said. Face it women folk, we're nothing but a bunch of **** and ye ain't gonna change us.

aidan_walsh

Frankly, this isn't about porn.

I mean, imagine if some girl he finds attractive was a lovely person too and she fancied my boyfriend. then thats a big threat. what makes me more important to him that this girl? how am i special if he cud hypothetically speaking have some girl he fancies as a girlfriend.

You don't trust your boyfriend, or don't have enough confidence in your relationship with him. Either way, both of those are something that you need to sort out yourself. You may need to talk to him to help along the way, but at the end of the day him giving something up won't make any difference because unless you find out what the root of the issue is all that will happen is something else will come along to make you feel like you do now.

sobriquet

togster wrote: »

WHAT? No its actually their problem.

I'm inclined to think that it is largely her problem: it's not an objection to porn on moral or other grounds, it's insecurity about the relationship, the idea that the porn represents a threat to her.

I mean, imagine if some girl he finds attractive was a lovely person too and she fancied my boyfriend. then thats a big threat. what makes me more important to him that this girl?

I don't see how taking porn out of the equation somehow makes the above fear go away. It's already entirely possible and even likely that he finds other women attractive, and other women find him attractive - it's not as if a switch goes off in his or other peoples heads simply as a result of him being in a relationship with the OP. We can't know what reasons he has for being in a relationship, but he obviously has them. OP, he chose you.

I'd have to agree with dublindude, if it's not the porn it'll be something else (female friends?), and the jealous attitude will haunt her.

he cud still relieve himself without the porn tho

Well in principle yes, but you're misunderstanding a lot of the reason blokes use porn - I'm generalizing of course but it's not always a case of looking at porn for entertainment or playing away from home as it were, then cracking one off, sometimes (and/or regularly, cough) you just get horny and need a bit of help cracking it off, and we're visual creatures.

Overheal

Sophiieekins wrote: »

overheal tho...
he cud still relieve himself without the porn tho.. he cud think of me.? i dont see the problem..

And we've finally reached the point in the porn debate that never ends and thats wimmins dont want their men beating off to other wimmins, and mens beat off because we have to - or people die!

There was a Sex and the City ep that solved this one in hilarious fasion - sellotape your face to all of the pictures?

----

The other side of the never ending debate is at some stage wimmins fantasize about menz.

Here lets tackle a few stereotype machos:

http://www.wallpaperbase.com/wallpapers/celebsm/bradpitt/brad_pitt_8.jpg
http://www.beezersbungalow.com/assets/images/300_canvas_leonidas1.jpg
http://wirelessdigest.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/george_clooney.jpg

I'm sure there are plenty more but I feel too tired to explain to any of my flatmates walking by why im googling body shots of george clooney.

Im sure yeh've done it at some point lass.

----

the other point is about stimulation - sex can get boring like anything and people look for new things to stimulate the awl brain. I'm sure Marksie, whom I've labelled as the resident expert on sexuality, will be happy to chime in shortly hereafter on potential alternatives to pornography for stimulation. But tbh it sounds like your insecure that you cannot satisfy your partner and you are afraid of the relationship failing. have you discussed this with him? The solution may not lie in him quitting the porn.

paul666

i think if the op was asking this question on a non internet forum she would get a totally different responce. both men and women answering the original post in a non internet forum would be saying "oh no thats not a good thing, tell the dirty fecker to stop"

its the fact that the majority of us here that are on the internet/forums may frequent porn sites. so i think op you are getting a very biased responce.
In my opinion op i wouldnt take alot of the responces too seriously.

AARRRGH

No, I think it's that people are much more honest when they are anonymous.

paul666

dublindude wrote: »

No, I think it's that people are much more honest when they are anonymous.

well i wouldnt like it if my girlfriend was playin with her snatch all night lookin at fellas on the computer. so i think the op has a bit of a point. but thats just my opinion.

op get some sexy linagrie and break his computer lol

~Rebel~

paul666 wrote: »

i think if the op was asking this question on a non internet forum she would get a totally different responce. both men and women answering the original post in a non internet forum would be saying "oh no thats not a good thing, tell the dirty fecker to stop"

its the fact that the majority of us here that are on the internet/forums may frequent porn sites. so i think op you are getting a very biased responce.
In my opinion op i wouldnt take alot of the responces too seriously.

Dont buy this at all. Every guy i know would say "what?! she wants you to stop havin a quick tug lookin at porn?! Fck That!"

OP, I really think you're fighting a losing battle with this one. You seem to connect an awful lot more to his 2dimensional playmate then i guarantee he is. You seem to see the person as a threat, the opposition, someone sexy who could have a great personality who would use her wily charms to steal him away. He's thinkin, "jayz..shes a bit fckn hot...fap fap fap - ok done, christ the footballs starting!". He's not looking for a relationship with this person, and you know what, if he was with that person, he'd STILL be havin a bit of stress relief on his own. Its just life. Guys need pretty regular 'draining' and generally look for a quick bit of visual stimulation to get this done, and when its done, thats it, said picture doesn't generate a second thought.

Just relax tbh-imo-ftw.

DILLIGAF

m83 wrote: »

here we go again.....

hahahaha i could just picture you hanging your head and rubbing your eyebrows while saying that!


to OP, it's just porn, it's a 60 second fantasy and nothing more.

daiixi

Maybe you should try being less annoying and stop talking about "cud" so much? Maybe then he'd stop looking at porn and pay you more attention?

Jackz

Do you live together?

Webmonkey

Sophiieekins wrote: »

overheal tho...
he cud still relieve himself without the porn tho.. he cud think of me.? i dont see the problem..

He probably does too for god sake, give your bf a break - its normal enough. You obviously have bigger issues than this if you are that insecure. Lighten up, you are making a big deal over something that you shouldn't.

seamus

Sophiieekins wrote: »

imagine if some girl he finds attractive was a lovely person too and she fancied my boyfriend. then thats a big threat. what makes me more important to him that this girl? how am i special if he cud hypothetically speaking have some girl he fancies as a girlfriend. and she may be less annoying too....

Sounds a little like self-esteem issues tbh. He's with you. If he didn't want to be with you, he'd be with someone else, remember that. Therefore you have to have something that other people don't.

Look at you own sentence and imagine him saying it.

You find other men attractive. That's a given. You've also encountered attractive men who are very nice and who are attracted to you too. That's also a given. So why don't you go off with them instead of your boyfriend?

The reason you don't go off with them is exactly the same reason why your boyfriend looking at porn is nothing more than light relief. He doesn't want any of these women more than he wants you. He's only using porn when you're no there, right? He has to settle for less when you're not around

Overheal

paul666 wrote: »

well i wouldnt like it if my girlfriend was playin with her snatch all night lookin at fellas on the computer. so i think the op has a bit of a point. but thats just my opinion.

op get some sexy linagrie and break his computer lol

Actually I'd probably be aroused.

Seamus wrote:

Sounds a little like self-esteem issues tbh. He's with you. If he didn't want to be with you, he'd be with someone else, remember that. Therefore you have to have something that other people don't.

Look at you own sentence and imagine him saying it.

You find other men attractive. That's a given. You've also encountered attractive men who are very nice and who are attracted to you too. That's also a given. So why don't you go off with them instead of your boyfriend?

The reason you don't go off with them is exactly the same reason why your boyfriend looking at porn is nothing more than light relief. He doesn't want any of these women more than he wants you. He's only using porn when you're no there, right? He has to settle for less when you're not around

Solid post. He's no George Clooney himself but I bet you love him. also its not as if he's saying 'not tonight honey, I'm gonna go look up some porn.'

Sam Vimes

~Rebel~ wrote: »

who would use her wily charms to steal him away.

i had to read that twice. i was wondering why she'd have willy charms

Overheal wrote: »

Actually I'd probably be aroused.

wouldn't we all......

DILLIGAF

paul666 wrote: »

well i wouldnt like it if my girlfriend was playin with her snatch all night lookin at fellas on the computer.

yeah.....that'd probably give me a chubby that Ron Jeremy would be proud of!

randylonghorn

OP, believe me when I say that the majority of guys, I suspect including your bf, have a very different attitude to porn than you have.

dublindude wrote: »

No, I think it's that people are much more honest when they are anonymous.

On this kind of issue, I'm inclined to agree with you, though tbh I would give, and have given, the same response in RL. But then, I'm not exactly known for being shy or uptight about such things.

paul666 wrote: »

well i wouldnt like it if my girlfriend was playin with her snatch all night lookin at fellas on the computer.

Hell, I would!! Damn, would I! Though even more so if she was doing it looking at mixed or all-girl.

Wagon

Overheal wrote: »

Porn only momentarily satisfies the penis. not the brain and not the heart.

Overheal is bang on the nail. You're worrying over nothing and I seriously doubt he's going to jump on the next secretary he sees with her tits out while bent over a desk.

K-9

Sophiieekins wrote: »

overheal tho...
he cud still relieve himself without the porn tho.. he cud think of me.? i dont see the problem..

But could you be sure he wasn't thinking of other girls?

Maybe you need to be able read his mind to be secure!;)

Paul666 wrote:

well i wouldnt like it if my girlfriend was playin with her snatch all night lookin at fellas on the computer. so i think the op has a bit of a point. but thats just my opinion

Not much you could do about it though. What if she doesn't look at the computer but imagines other men instead? Who knows?

davyjose

togster wrote: »

I think if it bothers you so much he should stop.

As long as she has no problems filling the void ... I daresay she'd be sending him off to look at the stuff after a few months.

togster

Its just my opinion that if something bothers the person you love so much then you should stop.

That is all.

seamus

Its just my opinion that if something bothers the person you love so much then you should stop.

That is all.

Bull, I'm sorry.

A cornerstone of every decent relationship is compromise. Without it, you'll either fight constantly or one person will be miserable for the entire length of it.

If something you do, doesn't bother you but does bother the other person, then you need to discuss it. Sometimes, it's right to stop doing it. Other times, it's right for the other party to deal with it and get over it.

For example,
"Stop leaving the toilet seat up" - it bothers one party, and putting it down isn't a big deal, so the other party may as well do as asked.

"I want you to drive to work because cycling is too dangerous" - it bothers one party, but to do as they wish would severly inconvenience the other. So the aggrieved party just needs to get a grip and get over it.

Tails142

I am of the opinion that if a guy didnt regularly clean his tubes out - at the request of his girlfriend, he would be more likely to cheat on her as a result of urges caused by the pent up hormones.

togster

But my point is that it is obvioulsy a huge deal for the OP. In my last relationship, my ex also had a serious problem with it. We talked about it and it bothered her to such an extent that i stopped. I can't see why you can't be in a relationship and not jack off in front of a computer. My point is some people have a huge problem with it. Who's to say who's right or wrong.. you?
Really it is between the OP and her bf. So OP talk to him and explain how you feel and either he stops or he doesn't. I don't see a problem in explaining why you are upset and asking him to stop.

togster

Tails142 wrote: »

I am of the opinion that if a guy didnt regularly clean his tubes out - at the request of his girlfriend, he would be more likely to cheat on her as a result of urges caused by the pent up hormones.

Or they could just have sex?

Mr. Incognito

OP- You are being incredibly naive about this

he cud still relieve himself without the porn tho.. he cud think of me.? i dont see the problem..

That made me laugh out loud.

Men fantasise. Why do you think Brittany Spears made a career out of that short grey skirt. Get used to it and then get over it.

seamus

togster wrote: »

I can't see why you can't be in a relationship and not jack off in front of a computer.

Well obviously you can. But what's the difference between a picture of some porn queen on a screen, and that picture of Eva Longoria in a low-cut top that you remember from TV?

togster

seamus wrote: »

But what's the difference between a picture of some porn queen on a screen, and that picture of Eva Longoria in a low-cut top that you remember from TV?

Nothing. I'm all for porn if it doesn't bother your girlfriend to distaction. I understand where everyone is coming from but blaming the girlfriend for having a problem with it is stupid.

K-9

togster wrote: »

Its just my opinion that if something bothers the person you love so much then you should stop.

That is all.

What? Depends.

What if one partner is a posessive, insecure drama queen?

The problem here isn't just the porn. If the bf stops it, next it will be do you think of other women when you jack off? What do you think off? Do ya think of me, do ya?

Why do ya look at other women on the street........and on and on and on.

togster

Fair point

K-9

togster wrote: »

Fair point

It's just what the OP has posted I'm going on, in particular:

I mean, imagine if some girl he finds attractive was a lovely person too and she fancied my boyfriend. then thats a big threat. what makes me more important to him that this girl? how am i special if he cud hypothetically speaking have some girl he fancies as a girlfriend. and she may be less annoying too....

Sophie

Lux23

Sophiieekins wrote: »

overheal tho...
he cud still relieve himself without the porn tho.. he cud think of me.? i dont see the problem..

Ha Ha. And I suppose you never think of George Clooney or Johnny Depp when you play pam and her five sisters!!!