I kissed my husbands cousin!

jue

I need help, at the weekend i kissed my husbands cousin. I was drunk but thats no excuse, I feel so guilty. Do i tell him to ease my burden or do i say nothing, becaue it would split the family! we've been together 16 years and are very happy. I have never done anything like this before. What should i do?

Overheal

You've been together 16 years.

You're both very happy.

This is bothering you.

So tell him.

Split the family? Depends on the family, and depends on whether him and his cousin want to take it to the matresses. But he's your husband and at that stage it was just a smooch wasn't it?

Miss Fluff

How did the snog come about? Has there been any fllirtation prior to this happening? As in has there been chemistry, has there been any hint that this may happen? How close are you to the cousin? Why his cousin and not someone else? More details please.

AARRRGH

jue wrote: »

Do i tell him to ease my burden

That would be pretty selfish, wouldn't it? Cause him pain just to ease your burden?

jue wrote: »

or do i say nothing, becaue it would split the family! we've been together 16 years and are very happy

Say nothing, and make sure his cousin is on board. And never do anything like this again

biko

You know best yourself how your husband will react to such news and whether it's worth it telling him.

Turner

Jebus, say nothing and forget about it!

You were drunk and it probably didnt mean anything.

Get on with it there is no point in bringing up all that trouble.

Overheal

Oh actually **rewind**

if you need to get it off your chest isnt it best to speak with the cousin?

silly me. I agree with DublinDude.

jue

There was no flirting i was staying at his house with my sister, and it must of happened on my way to bed , hes 20 years younger tan me. I have no interest in him at all. The kiss must have only been seconds but it was a snog. I was gonna tell my sis the next morning but she got off with him so i didn't bother. I love my husband he is my soulmate i'm so upset

MagicMarker

Who kissed who?

jue

Can't remember

dodgyme

what age are ye?

Miss Fluff

Why were you staying at his house? What kind of relationship have you had with him up until now? How well do you know him? Is he a big part of you and your husband's lives?

jue

41

nurburgking

If I was the husband I'd want to know my wife is the whore of Babylon so tell him.

jue

I'm good mates with his stepmom and we was there for a party. His dad took ill and it was only us 3 there.

AARRRGH

nurburgking wrote: »

If I was the husband I'd want to know my wife is the whore of Babylon so tell him.

Unfair. She made a drunken mistake and she regrets it.

None of us are perfect, you included.

MIN2511

SAY NOTHING!!!!!!

Have a chat with the brother and tell him how you feel e.t.c. and is he okay with keeping quiet?

Miss Fluff

Keep it under your hat tbh. He scored your sister straight after so is hardly going to turn around and declare undying love and make a drama of it. Forget it happened and just don't get pissed around him again.

AARRRGH

Miss Fluff wrote: »

He scored your sister straight after

I think she means the cousin scored her sister, not her husband scored her sister.

Miss Fluff

dublindude wrote: »

I think she means the cousin scored her sister, not her husband scored her sister.

I know

MagicMarker

Tbh, i'd be very surprised if the husband were to end things over this after 16 years of marriage. I know i wouldn't, but if i found out later down the line that you kept it secret from me, then i couldn't trust you and things would be over. As, if you couldn't tell me about something like this, what else couldn't you tell me about?

Tell him.

wylo

if you were really drunk why dont you pretend it never happened i.e you "forgot", and next time you meet him(the cousin) carry on as if absolutely nothing happened at all, even ask him about how he got on with your sister.
If it really is bothering you just say it to your husband, 16 years is long enough for a little snog not to get in the way

IrishMike

dublindude wrote: »

I think she means the cousin scored her sister, not her husband scored her sister.

Lmao i think Miss Fluff knows that, thats what she said.
This isnt an episode of Eastenders you know

Anyway OP id tell the husband if i were you.
After this length of time he must know you inside and out and will realise it was just the drink.

wylo

MagicMarker wrote: »

Tbh, i'd be very surprised if the husband were to end things over this after 16 years of marriage. I know i wouldn't, but if i found out later down the line that you kept it secret from me, then i couldn't trust you and things would be over. As, if you couldn't tell me about something like this, what else couldn't you tell me about?

Tell him.

True, a kiss isnt that big of a deal really, especially a drunken non chemistry one

The G Child

Say nothing and forget about it. To be honest, If it meant nothing and will go no further, whats the point in telling him. I'd be gutted to hear that my 41 year old wife of 16 years had a snog with cousin of mine who was years younger. It would ruin the trust and I would knock the sh1te out of the cousin as well. Very messy all round.

Id rather live in ignorance than be told by my partner that she kissed someone else. Before people jump in and say I must be insecure, I'd just like to say I'm far from it. Its easy to say it was just a kiss but in all honesty it could cause serious trouble for the marriage.

Just sweep it under the carpet and move on.

Marksie

nurburgking wrote: »

If I was the husband I'd want to know my wife is the whore of Babylon so tell him.

Nurburgking: That is hardly helpful language, plase read the charter

Wibbs

nurburgking wrote: »

If I was the husband I'd want to know my wife is the whore of Babylon so tell him.

"whore of babylon" is a bit of a stretch, is it not? Take it easy with the moralising in future.

How Strange

nurburgking wrote: »

If I was the husband I'd want to know my wife is the whore of Babylon so tell him.

hey there nurburgking, easy on the theatrics eh! A silly mistake was made but reverting to the old testament is hardly helpful.

OP, I'd say have a long hard think about it before you do anything. Will anything be achieved by telling your husband about this? It was a snog so put in perspective it was wrong but that's all it was.

IMO, accept you did a foolish thing and avoid being drunk around the cousin again. If the cousin starts making reference to it again then you may have to tell your husband to clear the air and make sure he doesn't hear it from someone else. But hopefully, the cousin will say nothing either and you can just forget about it.

misslt

If it were me I'd tell him now.

He'd probably be less annoyed with a harmless drunken kiss that you tell him about than if he finds out a few months down the line, and gets mad coz you didn't tell him.

If things are as solid as you say they are then he should appreciate the fact you had the guts to own up and that it means nothing.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I'm only as old as the guy you kissed but I don't think I could trust someone after what you did.

That said I certainly couldn't trust you if I found out from my family making jokes about my "up for it" wife.

How likely is it his cousin might say something?

AARRRGH

misslt wrote:

If it were me I'd tell him now.

He'd probably be less annoyed with a harmless drunken kiss that you tell him about than if he finds out a few months down the line, and gets mad coz you didn't tell him.

If things are as solid as you say they are then he should appreciate the fact you had the guts to own up and that it means nothing.

I disagree.

1. It's unlikely he'll find out.
2. He's happy at the moment. He should not be punished (made unhappy) by the OP's mistake.
3. It was a crazy drunken mistake the OP made. She deeply regrets it and I'm assuming will never do anything like that again.
4. Broken trust can be very difficult to repair.
5. The odds of this story having a happy ending are a lot better if the OP keeps her mouth shut.

misslt

dublindude wrote: »

I disagree.

1. It's unlikely he'll find out.
2. He's happy at the moment. He should not be punished (made unhappy) by the OP's mistake.
3. It was a crazy drunken mistake the OP made. She deeply regrets it and I'm assuming will never do anything like that again.
4. Broken trust can be very difficult to repair.
5. The odds of this story having a happy ending are a lot better if the OP keeps her mouth shut.

So if you found out your wife/partner/whatever of 16 years kissed your cousin X amount of months ago, but didn't tell you you wouldn't go mad?

Broken trust can be very difficult to repair, thats right, but surely it'd be even harder to repair when she not only kissed his cousin but also kept it from him for however long?

Put yourself the op's husbands place - what would you prefer, being told by your wife just after it happens, or as someone said above, by a family joke a few months down the line?

AARRRGH

I think the drunken kiss was a mistake, and a small issue when you look at the bigger picture. However telling her husband she kissed his cousin could become a huge issue. I just don't think the risk is worth it really.

MIN2511

I would be suprised to but i don't think she should risk it, it was a drunken mistake.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him"
And she stands to risk 16 years of a relationship because she kissed his cousin, common lads thats a lot to lose for 1 kiss! It's not like she had sex or anything, and that would be a different story...

seahorse

misslt wrote: »

Broken trust can be very difficult to repair, thats right, but surely it'd be even harder to repair when she not only kissed his cousin but also kept it from him for however long?

I have to say I agree with this. If my partner told me he'd shared a drunken kiss with somebody of course I'd be upset, but if I found out months or years down the line, either from him, her, or anybody else, my sense of hurt would be magnified many MANY times over. I wouldnt leave over a drunken kiss, but I'd certainly leave over having a truth like that kept from me.

You have to consider that the husband in this case may well run into this youngfella over and over again since he's a relation of his, and should the truth ever come out (which it usually does) that will add a sense of humiliation to this situation for him that doesn't need to enter the equation at all. I don't think the OP would be rolling the dice with her marriage by telling her husband this; I think she'd be rolling the dice with her marriage by keeping it to herself.

estar

do you want to do it again?

what lead up to it?

estar

dublindude wrote: »

I think the drunken kiss was a mistake, and a small issue when you look at the bigger picture. However telling her husband she kissed his cousin could become a huge issue. I just don't think the risk is worth it really.

but i do agree. or tell him in ten years or something

MIN2511

I think we should poll this because some people feel strongly about telling the husband, ibstill don't think it's necessary IT WAS A DRUNKEN KISS

Let us leave it that way, OP btw you know your husband more than we do. How do you think he would react to this?

seahorse

MIN2511 wrote: »

OP btw you know your husband more than we do. How do you think he would react to this?

Yes, that's the main thing OP. Would he be more likely to hit the roof on hearing about it, (enough to justify trying to keep it quiet?) or is he the sort of person (like myself) that'd be more wounded by your having kept a lid on it? I think maybe that's the question you need to be asking yourself.

dixiechick

Why would you even consider telling your husband? There was no sex. You were drunk. He was most definitely drunk if he scored your sister after! (ie; he wasn't harbouring thoughts of a clandestine affair with you!). You love your husband. Presumably he loves you. You aren't having any thoughts about having a sordid affair with his cousin. (Are you ?) It was hardly the kiss of the century, no flirting, no major attraction, no sex and no STI's to bringing back to the marital bed! If you had been snogging till the cows came home, had loads of over the sweater action, a little flirting and a major connection of minds I'd be worried for you but .......a snog......! Your pennance is the guilt you're feeling now. No harm done and YOU WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN. An affair or a one night stand is unfaithful but if you're true in what you're saying it was just a sloppy snog and could happen to anyone. It's what happens after that snog that is more important. As I said before if you fancy this guy then you've got problems and YES then you will have to come clean. But look at what you have now. I doubt the snogging cousin could ever offer you that lasting love!

Xavi6

estar wrote: »

but i do agree. or tell him in ten years or something

What the hell would that achieve? In ten years time just turn around and say "Yeah by the way, I scored your cousin a few years back"? Some people amaze me.

eyeball kid

I don't think I'd tell the husband either however, how sure are you that this will never get back to him?
Are you sure that the cousin has not told anybody about it?

Dave!

Tell the cousin to STFU and then never talk about it again, with anyone. Boom, problem solved, next please.

Mr. Incognito

Tell the cousin to STFU and then never talk about it again, with anyone. Boom, problem solved, next please.

+1

dixiefly

as long as he hasnt already told your sister......

Dudess

jue wrote: »

I need help, at the weekend i kissed my husbands cousin. I was drunk but thats no excuse, I feel so guilty. Do i tell him to ease my burden or do i say nothing, becaue it would split the family! we've been together 16 years and are very happy. I have never done anything like this before. What should i do?

Actually it is an excuse. People do things when drunk that they wouldn't even dream of doing when sober.

Say nothing.

Dave!

Drunkenness doesn't erase the betrayal Dudess. Surely the hubby deserves to have all of the facts so that he can make an informed choice about the relationship, no?

the dee

I don't think this is a big deal. But it could become one. If you confess to your husband as if you did something horribly wrong, he will view it that you did something horribly wrong. If you mention it in a casual passing way he probably won't even care.

When you're telling him about the party throw it in as an aside. Say something like, 'so and so gave me a hug as he was leaving and your cousin gave me a little kiss and then I went up to bed.'

If it meant nothing and there was no lead-up flirting and no chemisty then I wouldn't view it as cheating at all.

pablo21

These things have a way of coming back and biting you in the ass. I'd be inclined to mention it but not dwell on it, at least then if it does make its way home in time to come it wont be the big deal it could be if you hadnt mentioned it at all!
Just my two pence!

jue

jue wrote: »

I need help, at the weekend i kissed my husbands cousin. I was drunk but thats no excuse, I feel so guilty. Do i tell him to ease my burden or do i say nothing, becaue it would split the family! we've been together 16 years and are very happy. I have never done anything like this before. What should i do?

Just to let you know i told my husband and he was brill. He gave me a big hug ,he could see how gutted i was. I so happy, i'm glad i told him i was having panic attacks. THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. Thanks for everyones advice, i'll sleep tonight.

AARRRGH

pablo21 wrote: »

These things have a way of coming back and biting you in the ass.

People always say things like that here in the Personal Issues forum, but I don't think it's true at all.

Most "normal" people cheat at some stage in their lives, and most of them get away with it.

It's very unlikely this drunken kiss is going to come back to haunt you. You are GUARANTEED problems however if you discuss it with your husband.