First Date Rules

LegacyUser

Hey everyone sorry for sounding like a bit of a loser but Im new to the whole dating thing, in a sense that iv never needed to go on dates however times change. I intend to ask this girl out and i need the first date to be perfect. I already know the girl through a friend and we have spoken but never it always been in a group situation. I have a feeling she likes me and thats based on the fact that she does flirt with me and when we have been in clubs together she does get quite close when we are dancing together. Whether im right in thinking this im sure ill find out.

What I want to know is whether there are distinct dos and donts for a first to ensure a second and possibly some form of relationship. The opinions of the ladies is what im really looking for.

Peace

Burnt Toast

Do take her for dinner or the cinema. Do pay for it and do try to spoil her. Do make conversation, do try and be funny.

Don't be boring, don't let her pick up the bill, don't get drunk and try and put your hand up her skirt.

flyingdagger

First off,get the "1st date must be perfect" idea out of your mind-you are putting pressure on yourself and that can translate to nerves/you not being yourself.If she's said yes to a date she must be interested in spending some time in getting to know you.Simple things like chill out,be yourself,be mannerly,be on time,don't get hammered and offer to pay.

veryangryman

On the paying bit...

If she offers to buy a round, let her. By all means, splash out a bit but some chicks dont like feeling dependant, so watch out for that.

Find a quiet "olde world" sort of bar. It'll help keep the conversation flowing (e.g you can refer to the pics on the wall/lighting style of the place etc to help break the ice)

Good luck man, do us proud!

The Hill Billy

flyingdagger says it all. You will be setting yourself up for a fall if you want everything to be "perfect". Just relax & try to enjoy yourself. If you focus all night on getting everything perfect you'll probably come across as up-tight & "needy". That won't impress her at all.

wylo

Burnt Toast wrote: »

Do pay for it and do try to spoil her.

I dunno if your a girl or fella, but Ive been alot more successful with women that Ive let pay their own share and havent spoilt on a date.
Maybe its the whole "im not going out of my way to try and imress you" thing that works. IMO if you spoil her you might get into the friends zone which is rough territory!!
but as other people said there is no "perfect" date so id recommend judge for yourself what to do in certain scenarios like this,.
best of luck!!!!

nevaeh-2die-4

all u need to know about what to do on ur first date.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055237685

Fizman

wylo wrote: »

I dunno if your a girl or fella, but Ive been alot more successful with women that Ive let pay their own share and havent spoilt on a date.
Maybe its the whole "im not going out of my way to try and imress you" thing that works. IMO if you spoil her you might get into the friends zone which is rough territory!!

+1
If she wants to contribute at some stage by all means allow her to. It will make for a more comfortable atmosphere trust me. If it means her getting a drink after you have gotten the first 2/3, then let it be. Factors that are worth taking into account would be age/occupation i.e. if she is a 19/20 year old student then the purse strings will obviously be a little tighter compared to a girl in her mid 20s with a full time job. Some girls i have been out with like to buy every second drink regardless, while others have jumped in every couple of rounds.

greenkittie

I agree that when it comes to the drink buying paying for stuff thing alot of it does depend on the financial situation of the girl. My boyfriend has a well paid job and im a poor student type and on our first date he paid for most of it and i really appriciated it but still it was nice to buy him a few drinks as well just to say thanks for the nice evening.
He took me to a bar where there was live music on, just a covers type band doing old rock hits and it impressed me cause it was fun and casual, if he had gone for something more expensive i would have been a bit uncomfortable i think.

LegacyUser

DatingNovice wrote: »

iv never needed to go on dates however times change.

Age? When you say you've never needed to go on dates, does this mean you've been in a relationship for a long time?

Avoid the cinema on a first date. Much better to do something together where you can chat and get to know each other.

geminilady

Yeah ur putting alot of pressure on ur self by trying to get it "perfect". Sounds like she likes you! so good luck!I would like a nice meal together where you pay so you can talk and stuff! oh yeah offer to bring her home cause i hate walking home on my own in the dark! and sorry for being cliche but just be yourself. she obviously likes u for who u are so dont change! this other site might help u too videojug.com Good luck keep us posted!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses

When I say iv never been on many dates its because the girls I have been out with in the past have usually been friends first then moved onto something more and there was never a need to date. Im a student and so is she and I was thinking of going for the whole casual thing the bar with the live music sounds good are plenty of them where i live. The reason i say I want things to be perfect is because Im a perfectionist so its a force of habit.

Based on what has been said in the responses I think as long as Im relaxed and not too pushy in general and let her pay for one or two rounds it should go well.

Another question is when should I move in for the kiss would it be a good idea to do it on the first date or would it be better for the second or third, because I dont want to come across as someone who just wants to get into her pants

Fizman

DatingNovice wrote: »

Another question is when should I move in for the kiss would it be a good idea to do it on the first date or would it be better for the second or third, because I dont want to come across as someone who just wants to get into her pants

This IMO depends entirely on how the evening goes with her. There are no set rules regarding kissing on the first date. If the evening goes well/sharing laughs and stories/couple of drinks then there is a fair chance at some stage you will get a green light/sense that moment where you should go for it. There can be dates however, where kissing may not be the most appropriate thing to do at the end/during the night. It normally depends on how things pan out really.

Again though this isn't something you should get worked up over/think through too much. Instinct should take over on the night and tell you whether it is right to make a move or not.

greenkittie

When you are in the bar, make sure you get a seat beside her as opposed to across a table, that way it will make getting the first kiss in less awkward and more natural .

meremortal

Okay as a girl who is also fairly new to this whole first date malarky - I do feel uncomfortable when a guy offers to pay, it makes it all a bit awkward so if she asks to contribute say she can buy you a drink later. A guy once went off to the bathroom towards the end of the meal, and when I suggested we got the bill - he said "done and dusted!", it was really sweet and took away that whole awkward bill thing. With boyfriends I would always take it in turns to pay, but on a first date it is nice to be treated, but I always get at least one or two rounds in!

In terms of the whole kissing thing - yeah it really is down to the night. It sounds like she is interested but I think if she doesnt initiate it just give her a slightly lingering kiss on the cheek goodnight. I've been on one or two dates before where the guy really comes in for the kill and it can be really offputting.

I think it sounds perfect already, you seem to have put alot of thought into it which is lovely- I think you'e dead right about the bar and the band etc, sounds like great fun! Enjoy and good luck