Im bits after breakup

LegacyUser

Im in bits, broke up with my gf of 7years last week. Am just not able to function without her, my life revolved around her. I just can’t go on, every second I think I just can’t get her out of my head and the pain of it is unreal.

Everyone says time will heal it, but i'm not going to be able to cope for another few weeks/months of this. It is a constant pain way worse than anything I have ever felt/will ever feel. I’m broken.

My brain and body are just so used to her and no matter what I’ve gone through I’ve always had her there by my side to help me. I’ve always had somebody to hug at night, to just sit around doing nothing with.

My life is going to be so incomplete without her.

I’ve even been physically sick on a couple of occasions and haven’t eaten in days

Can anyone offer any advice to get some of this pain away, it’s so unbearable, or tell me about how you were in this situation and how your much better for it and healed?

Wibbs

I presume she split up with you? Or was it mutual? Is there no chance of reconciliation?

JuliusCaesar

Simon81 wrote: »

Im in bits, broke up with my gf of 7years last week. ......

Everyone says time will heal it, but i'm not going to be able to cope for another few weeks/months of this.

Is this your first major breakup?
This is par for the course.
It's only been a week. It will decrease over time. You won't feel this bad for months on end. It will fluctuate, but in general will decrease.

Hellm0

Been through my share of nasty breakups, just go with the flow and ride it out. In time you'll feel positive again and I garantee things will improve.

MCMLXXXIII

Depending on how attached you two where...The physically ill thing will only last for aobut a month, but could take one or two years for you to not think about her on a regular basis.

Just keep friends around so you don't do anything you will regret later.

...oh, and "rebounding" should not be something you regret.

LegacyUser

No chance of reconcilliation, id have her back in a second but she doesnt love me anymore and has found somebody else. This came as such a shock to me.

And ye its my first major break up, ive never been with anyone else. Im 26 now and ive been with her since I was 19.

Im just a wreck, my firends are tryin to set me up on a "date" with a girl at the weekend to try get me thinking about other things, but im just not up to it. Im finding it hard to leave my bedroom.

I just wish there was some relief from the pain. Im never going to get over this.

LegacyUser

Simon

You will get over this.

You are gonna have to endure some hard times now, but the minute you realise it's not going to be easy is when it will get easier.

Lean on your friends and take time out to rethink your life when you feel up to it.

This is YOUR time now. You are in charge of what's next.

Take your time, know it's gonna be a bumpy ride for a while and you will feel better.

Just believe there's light at the end of the tunnel and there will be. There's nobody out there worth their salt who hasn't been through this. I know it sounds crazy but you can only go one way now and that's up - bigger and stronger than before.

I wish you all the best mate.

Take care of yourself.

dr_funkenstein

There's not much people can say that will help you right now. I would really recommend NOT going out on that date. 7 years is a very long time, and if it only happened last week, definitely do not go try to meet someone else.

You WILL get through this. However, it will be terrible for a few months. Most of us have to go through this at some stage in our lives. It seems to me nearly like a modern rite of passage. The only thing I can advise to do is to keep talking to your friends and to just keep going. Life will be awful for a short while.. but keep doing the mundane things. Keep going to work.. keep eating.. keep with your basic routine.. that is the only way you will get through this while your brain and body process what has happened to you.

You WILL get through this.

WhiteWashMan

dont worry. its perfectly ok to feel like crap for a while. how long, well, thats up to you, but but you will feel awful.
you will miss the little things, you will miss not having a physical presence in the bd beside you, you will miss her when you go to make a cup of tea and automatically take out 2 cups, you will miss going to the dvd store and seeing the dvd of the last film you both saw

all that good stuff. it will make you feel like crap. and thats ok. youre allowed to do that.

me personally, whenever i broke up with someone, i always had a rebound affair. id go straight out, and id talk to someone and id tell them that id broken up with someone and i was after a good old fashioned shag. youd be surprised how disarming that can be. and no one expects anything else from you.

anyway. you do whatever you have to do. just dont sit around wallowing in self pity if you can help it. dont ignore your friends, or they will get fed up and bugger off. dont talk or attempt to talk to your ex. it will only give you unrealistic hope that you might some how get back together. you wont. its over. greive. move on.

Caddy

Hey Simon, I’m in bit of similar situation to yourself, I broke up with my boyfriend very recently too. I’d been with him for 3 years and I am finding it extremely tough so I can only begin to imagine what you are going through.

I’m coping by keeping as busy as possible, if I don’t have my mind occupied my thoughts drift back to him and I end up in a state again. Don’t listen to any music that will remind you of what was or look at photographs/films/websites that is a reminder of your ex, you may think that it could be comforting but you are only torturing yourself.
It might be an idea to put away any photographs or memoirs, the sight of them will trigger loads of emotions that you are just not able to cope with right now.

Get out with your mates and as hard as it may seem try to have a laugh. The date at the weekend mightn’t be the best idea, it was very nice of mates to try and set this up but ultimately you’ll spend the entire time comparing everything the girl does to your ex.

Most of all you will have to grieve the end of the relationship, bottling it up will do you absolutely no favours, cry it out and get yourself a sympathetic ear. I’ve been on the phone to my sister every night talking it through, I find it very therapeutic and after the phone call feel a lot stronger and able to face life again(until the next time I get myself all upset).

listermint

Go out with the lads have some fun. end of story

steo123

learn to play guitar

u will get over it eventually and be a stronger person for it

it will fizzle out

if she s gone off with another fella she is not worth it so its best you know now that tis is it and not spend another 7 years with her

theres plenty more fish in the sea.

wylo

dr_funkenstein wrote: »

Life will be awful for a short while.. but keep doing the mundane things. Keep going to work.. keep eating.. keep with your basic routine.. that is the only way you will get through this while your brain and body process what has happened to you.

Sorry but i dont think this is great advice, well just the basic routine part,as you said its sort of like a 'right of passage' and I agree. I was 19 when it happened and i was lucky to get it out of me then. I learned so much in life from that huge experience but at the time it tore my whole life apart. The thought of not being with her was such a dark thought that it broke me up.

Anyway try and do as much as possible differently. Ask your mates are they up for going to different pubs, try take up some hobby. And if you know its over GO ON THE PULL!!! It wont cure you but itll keep you distracted and if you dont you might end up not getting someone for a very long time.

OP, remember nearly every guy and girl has went through this at some stage,be it at the age of 16 or the age of 50, It will change you a bit on the long run but just be sure and avoid anything to do with her, especially her and keep doing new things, stop feeling sorry for yourself and wake up to life.

wylo

dr_funkenstein wrote: »

Life will be awful for a short while.. but keep doing the mundane things. Keep going to work.. keep eating.. keep with your basic routine.. that is the only way you will get through this while your brain and body process what has happened to you.

Sorry but i dont think this is great advice, well just the basic routine part,as you said its sort of like a 'right of passage' and I agree. I was 19 when it happened and i was lucky to get it out of me then. I learned so much in life from that huge experience but at the time it tore my whole life apart. The thought of not being with her was such a dark thought that it broke me up.

Anyway try and do as much as possible differently. Ask your mates are they up for going to different pubs, try take up some hobby. And if you know its over GO ON THE PULL!!! It wont cure you but itll keep you distracted and if you dont you might end up not getting someone for a very long time.

OP, remember nearly every guy and girl has went through this at some stage,be it at the age of 16 or the age of 50, It will change you a bit on the long run but just be sure and avoid anything to do with her, especially her and keep doing new things, stop feeling sorry for yourself and wake up to life.

dr_funkenstein

Wylo,

It's different strokes for different folks. The guy was going out with the girl for 7 years.. and is 26. To me, thats a very different scenario than breaking up with someone at 19. I know when I went through it all, my head was all over the place initially. After ONE week ye are advocating going out on the pull? Can't you see that the guy is upset?

IMHO, while everything is still so raw, I think it's best to try to keep talking to mates/family about whats going through your head, and to keep going through life. Things do settle down after a while and its then when you start to open up again. You say not to wallow in self-pity, but I think there has to be some time to grieve first before pulling everything back together.

evry1sm8

Please listen to me.

I was with a guy for 7 years too and we broke up when i was 25.
I started seeing another guy straight away which was a HUGE BIG MISTAKE and we then we broke up too.
Believe me, i KNOW the pain youre feeling. I had 2 break ups to get my head around.
I was so depressed and distraught and i hardly ever left my room too.
I missed so much work as i just couldnt get up / function in the mornings.
I felt like id rather be dead. I cried EVERY day. I went on anti-depressants and it helped a small bit but it never really took away the hurt and lonliness i felt. The hurt was so bad my chest felt physically sore, and no matter what anyone said about time healing it made NO difference, i couldnt see an end to it, and even if i could, i wanted the end to come sooner than it was or i thought i may die of heartache! I suffered this hurt for a solid 6 months!!!

Now, i am COMPLETELY happy. Id never have seen this outcome.
Trust me, what people say about time healing, its TRUE.
It does get better in time, but im not going to say it will soon, it probably wont. It takes TIME.

Surround yourself with SUPPORTIVE people. Friends, family members. Do NOT go out looking for other girls, it wont help unless you find someone you genuinely like and not as an excuse to get over your lonliness.
Do NOT talk to your ex, it will only make it harder, believe me!
Be comfortable, eat good food, watch nice movies, what especially helped me was to sit by myself and read nice books to get away when i needed it. Take nice long hot baths. Ok i know im a girl so it may be different for guys but this helped for me.

I feel so bad for you because i know the pain, it feels worse than death.

Most importantly know you will come out the other end like i have, stronger, smarter, and HAPPIER.

Surround yourself with good positive people.

Good luck.

evry1sm8

PS: I totally agree with this advice.

dr_funkenstein wrote: »

while everything is still so raw, I think it's best to try to keep talking to mates/family about whats going through your head, and to keep going through life. Things do settle down after a while and its then when you start to open up again. You say not to wallow in self-pity, but I think there has to be some time to grieve first before pulling everything back together.

You need comfortable alone time, you need to relax and have a comfort zone to retreat to, and you also need family and friends around who will support you.

wylo

dr_funkenstein wrote: »

Wylo,

It's different strokes for different folks. The guy was going out with the girl for 7 years.. and is 26. To me, thats a very different scenario than breaking up with someone at 19. I know when I went through it all, my head was all over the place initially. After ONE week ye are advocating going out on the pull? Can't you see that the guy is upset?

IMHO, while everything is still so raw, I think it's best to try to keep talking to mates/family about whats going through your head, and to keep going through life. Things do settle down after a while and its then when you start to open up again. You say not to wallow in self-pity, but I think there has to be some time to grieve first before pulling everything back together.

Well ok thats fair enough, Im just going by what I wish Id done, because I really did wallow in selp pity, perhaps for too long,talking to mates is good though. 19 or not Im much older now but still think it was a similar scenario. I still do believe that avoiding her and things associated with her is a good idea. Otherwise the feelings will keep popping back time after time.

evry1sm8

wylo wrote: »

19 or not Im much older now but still think it was a similar scenario. I still do believe that avoiding her and things associated with her is a good idea. Otherwise the feelings will keep popping back time after time.

Hi Wylo, i do think that no one can compare breakups or heart ache after break ups so it probably was a similar scenario like you said. If youre heart broken youre heartbroken...doesnt matter how old you are or how long the relationship was.

And yes avoiding contact with the ex is the best thing to do, it definitely does keep bad feelings around longer

funloving

In Italy where I live there's a saying "when you're in a tunnel of pain,don't run to get out if it..try and furnish it for the time you're gonna be stuck there"...
I went through it and my biggest mistake was to start dating other guys straight after the break...
Time will heal your pain and you'll be completely happy again..
I think your family and friends will help you a lot,don't spend too much time on your own,everyday look for a reason to get dressed and go out...
If you were here Id suggest to go walking in the sun
Chin up....everything's gonna be alright..

Bog Man

If you thought about the pain that relationships can cause you would spend the rest of your life in a monastery. You have had a bad experience and it hurts, I know.
People will say 'Time is a great healer' etc and this is all true.
In the interim, sports, hobbies and family etc will all help. But none so much as going out and getting your leg over, crude I admit but does wonders for self esteem & confidence.
There is nothing wrong with rebounds so long as you dont expect to build the rest of your life on them. For the hell of it you should go on that date - she might put a smile on your face and that will be your first tangible step towards getting over your old GF.

Overheal

I'd go on the date personally - as long as you both establish its just for a bit of fun (ie. a rebound... but dont call it that) theres no harm in it and it will help you out loads.

LegacyUser

Why is going on a date such a bad idea, I know nothing will happen but its already taking my mind of my ex and i'm looking forward to it? Should I really not go and for what reason?

Im going out on a night out 2mrw with the lads, i’m not looking forward to it and i’m only going to have 2 or 3 pints so that I don’t do anything stupid cos i’m still really emotional.

Is it a really bad idea to talk to each other to, we’ve been on MSN asking how each other is getting on etc – I’ll find it near impossible to stop this though. Why is this so bad?

Today is the best I’ve felt, still feel really really really rotten but I’m coping and looking forward to the weekend. I’m dreading it though when everything quietens down and I’m going to left wondering what could have been and missing her really bad.


Thanks for all your support i’m going to keep this thread a bit active cos I need all the support I can get. Somebody said everybody goes through this at some stage, I don’t know why but that made me feel a lot better for some reason?

Wibbs

simon81 wrote: »

Is it a really bad idea to talk to each other to,

If this is your ex, then yes a very bad plan.

we’ve been on MSN asking how each other is getting on etc – I’ll find it near impossible to stop this though.

Sorry that's an excuse. You're addicted to the contact. You can stop it. Just block her. Simple as.

Why is this so bad?

It's kinda like an emotional addiction, so consider it like giving up smoking by slow withdrawal. You're trying to go from 40 a day, to one a day. You'll never do it that way.

wylo

simon81 wrote: »

Somebody said everybody goes through this at some stage, I don’t know why but that made me feel a lot better for some reason?

Its so true that it would make ya feel better. How many films,songs, stories, dramas, soaps are based on the very subject of people breaking up with each other? Its because we can all relate to it.

lushballs

Yes we all go thru this. Just in the process of getting thru it myself.
Focus on eating, sleeping and keeping in touch with family and friends.
I Lost appetite too. Eat easy food ie smoothies or meal replacement shakes. You need your health right now. Insomnia too due to mind racing at night. Get sleeping pills if relaxation and distraction techniques do not work.
Talk, Talk, Talk to family and close friends about experience and feelings. Keep a journal to get the pain out also. Plan the week ahead with social events or activities. At times you will feel like you are going through the motions, but keep going. Fake it til you make it! Treat yourself: take aways, dvd, cd, books, clothes etc. Live in the moment and take pleasure in the small things in life. Do something new or visit somewhere you enjoy or have always wanted to go to. It does take time but you can't fast forward it. Give yourself permission to express emotions and identify feelings. Excercise.
Watch your favourite comedy show.
Be kind to yourself. You will get through it, like the rest of us.

Adrianco1978

Hi there, I'm in a similar situation as yourself. I went out with my ex for seven years before we split in November last year. We had kids and a house too just to make it more complicated. Anyway, I met with someone straight away and started going out with her two weeks after the break up. I thought that I was over my partner cos our relationship wasn't going well. I was wrong. I broke up with my new girlfriend this week because it turns out that I had just delayed the grieving for my ex and it has caught up with me. It was easy at the start to hate her because she was being awkward with the kids and all but once we got back on a friendly term I realised that I still had feelings for her but she has met someone else now. So I am at the position that you are at now and I think that it is better to grieve your loss rather that pretend to yourself that you are over it and start dating again before you are over it. I know that I am going to take some time out for myself and try to get through this before I move on again.

milkerman

simon81 wrote: »

Is it a really bad idea to talk to each other to, we’ve been on MSN asking how each other is getting on etc – I’ll find it near impossible to stop this though. Why is this so bad?

Why is it bad? - You are just prolonging the agony for yourself and nothing good will come of it.

Jeez, life is short and too precious to waste moping over someone that DOES'NT LOVE YOU. There are tonnes of gorgeous sexy fun women going around. Find one for yourself and you wont have so much trouble getting over your ex. Thats what worked for me when I got dumped.

Overheal

Cmon now Simon: use all that might and willpower... and move your half-ounce mouse over to her screen name... right click... and.... block!

Going on the date will serve to prolong the inevitable - like Adrianco has said, dont expect it to be the cure. The girl I hooked up with had me as her 5th rebound from a guy she stopped dating 6 years ago. Then she finally decided to stop rebounding. Spent a couple months still mooning over her first boyfriend -_- so yes if you dont deal with these feelings now they will come back to haunt you sooner or even years later.

Wibbs

As overheal wrote this stuff can come back to haunt you. I know people who have even married their rebound and are still thinking of and in two cases really mooning over their ex from way back. In those two cases it's even madder as they were the dumpers.

babydoll2008

You were going out with her for 7 years, this pain and hurt isnt going to disappear within a few weeks, but it will easy you will adjust to being single again and you will start to organise yourself again. Counselling is also a major major help!! it may sound stupid but it does help big time!!

ergo

Hang in there OP, it will get better. It is getting better.

Like many here I had big relationship break-up, we went out aged 18-23. She broke my heart at the time and then started seeing someone else almost straight away and that hurt so so much. For her that was a rebound that lasted a year or 2. A very ill-advised rebound.

What this is is a major loss, it's like a bereavement. Cut off all contact. For first few weeks I stayed in touch with ex but it couldn't be like before so the best thing to do was cut off all contact. VERY DIFFICULT but very very WORTHWHILE in the long run.

Keep busy. Throw yourself into work/sport/start a new hobby/start a new sport/do something different. Your friends are very important too.

I'll be honest with you, it took me a long time to get over/past my ex. The first few weeks obviously the worst but for much of the first year after break up it was v tough.I barely saw her for the first couple of years post break up and by the 2nd year I was having a great time, travelling, working, hanging with my friends, meeting random girls, even falling for a girl here and there. There is a huge world out there

2 years post break-up i thought I saw the ex in a bar in Australia and my heart rate went up to about 200 beats per minute. it wasn't her!

4 years post break-up and we were bumping into each other around the place a bit. I was suprised that I didn't feel much towards her. She half suggested possibly getting back together, I said "maybe someday,I'll never say never, but not now"

6 years post break-up we bump into each other, both quite drunk, both single, end up kissing. This was potentially pretty major in my mind, this girl who had broken my heart. 6 years later. I felt nothing. The kiss was a strange one. I had moved on, this had been my first love. This was the girl I had cried over, couldn't sleep over, had previously planned kids with etc. Things had moved on.

Right now, do what I said re being busy etc. Maybe a little soon to be seeing soemone new but as long as everybody knows where everyone stands it might be a good idea. I did see a girl 2 or 3 times about a month after my own break-up. She turned out to be a bit crazy but it was good to help moving on. If by some pure fluke/magic this new girl turns out to be "perfect" I would probably tell her the story and maybe say, "listen give me a few months/maybe 6 months/longer to sort my head out" before throwing yourself into something new

and best of luck!

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear about you and the gf dude, gotta be a nightmare for you right now. But as people said, just keep yourself occupied and eventually you will get over it. Just really start taking care of yourself now, physically as well as mentally. Eat well, sleep well, do some exercise etc. Go to the pub, go to gigs, cinema, plan trips away with your mates, just have some positive things to look forward to. And it will get easier, even though it doesnt seem like it right now, but it will eventually

LegacyUser

Im getting better, but i dont think i should be. That constant anger/pain/heart attack type feeling is disappearing and ive started to eat a bit to.

Went out last night into town with the lads, was a weird nite, promised myself I wouldnt get drunk cos I thought id get emotional or text/ring her, I then got locked when the lads kept buying me shots to drown my sorrows, but didnt, I found it hard to give a s.hit about her. Ended up chatting to a few girls telling them all that I was just outta a 5yr relationship and the women seemed to love me for it! But I didnt do anything, but was good to talk to random women.

I felt a lot better this morning going into work, I felt a bit positive or something. Was happy enough all day, just getting really down for about 15mins of every hour. then she emailed me asking how I was. I sat there really not wanting to mail back, i spent a good hour contemplating it, even wrote down reasons why i shouldnt, but just gave in in the end. I just couldnt help it. I just wanted to know how she was doing and as it much as I know its wrong, I was hoping for signs that she is changing her mind. Obviosuly she isnt chaging her mind And now I feel crap again. I know I have to cut contact, but the thought of not talking to the person thats been my soulmate for the last 7years kills me.

Im planning on going to America for 2 weeks to see a friend in a month or so, just to get away and get my head of things. Give me something to look forward to.

Ive also noticed that im starting to think of all the reasons this is a good idea, which is a start.

Thanks for the continued support lads.

wylo

Simon81 wrote: »

Im getting better, but i dont think i should be. That constant anger/pain/heart attack type feeling is disappearing and ive started to eat a bit to.

Went out last night into town with the lads, was a weird nite, promised myself I wouldnt get drunk cos I thought id get emotional or text/ring her, I then got locked when the lads kept buying me shots to drown my sorrows, but didnt, I found it hard to give a s.hit about her. Ended up chatting to a few girls telling them all that I was just outta a 5yr relationship and the women seemed to love me for it! But I didnt do anything, but was good to talk to random women.

I felt a lot better this morning going into work, I felt a bit positive or something. Was happy enough all day, just getting really down for about 15mins of every hour. then she emailed me asking how I was. I sat there really not wanting to mail back, i spent a good hour contemplating it, even wrote down reasons why i shouldnt, but just gave in in the end. I just couldnt help it. I just wanted to know how she was doing and as it much as I know its wrong, I was hoping for signs that she is changing her mind. Obviosuly she isnt chaging her mind And now I feel crap again. I know I have to cut contact, but the thought of not talking to the person thats been my soulmate for the last 7years kills me.

Im planning on going to America for 2 weeks to see a friend in a month or so, just to get away and get my head of things. Give me something to look forward to.

Ive also noticed that im starting to think of all the reasons this is a good idea, which is a start.

Thanks for the continued support lads.

keep it up, you seem very mature about the whole thing. Things will slowly get better but as you even know yourself talking to her wont help. And I think its a bit unfair her contacting you even though shes just being nice. Shes doing that to make herself feel less guilty Id imagine.

Wibbs

wylo wrote: »

keep it up, you seem very mature about the whole thing. Things will slowly get better but as you even know yourself talking to her wont help.

Agreed and just cut her out of your life. Be selfish about this. It's all about you now.

And I think its a bit unfair her contacting you even though shes just being nice. Shes doing that to make herself feel less guilty Id imagine.

She's not being nice at least not entirely. As you say the guilt is part of it. Curiousity is another angle. She could be angling to keep him as a "friend" as well. Avoid this like the plague.

LegacyUser

after 7 years it is the same grief you feel when someone dies, at the time it is unbareable and maybe you will never get over her but you will learn to cope.
i know the pain, its so physically painful in the chest, but this is happening for a reason, in the end you will come out a stronger person
i wish you the best, i hope you feel better, we have to get through the bad times to get to the good

skye

Hi Simon,

Keep the chin up. I'm going through the same emotions as you at the minute after a 10 year relationship, 18 months of marriage. He cheated. It's over but I'm gonna be ok. And so will you. Feel free to Pm me if you want to get stuff off your chest.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

Agreed and just cut her out of your life. Be selfish about this. It's all about you now. She's not being nice at least not entirely. As you say the guilt is part of it. Curiousity is another angle. She could be angling to keep him as a "friend" as well. Avoid this like the plague.

SHe said she wants to still be friends etc and in the state I was I agreed to it all. But now im starting to really dislike her, even beginning to hate her for hurting me so much. Im thinking fo the bad times in our relationship, to try get me over it all.

Most of my mates are in Oz at the moment, (a lot of my friends were her friends, there boyfriends etc so im going to loose most of them to) just have the 2/3 good friends at home and they are all in there own relationships etc so dont have all the time in the world but are making the effort when they can, but its proving hard to keep my mind occupied. There telling me to go over, I was in Oz for 4 months after college, but i think it might be a great place to go back to for a few months to help me. I'll be totally out of contact with her then, having fun, surrounded by friends.

Went out last night again, had an awful night, ended up getting the nitelink home on my own, just sitting there thinking about it all and I was devestated. Couldnt sleep then, so badly wanted to text her but resisted. Dam this is hard but im slowly coming to terms with it.

togster

Hi Simon. It will keep getting better...i know. Nothing wrong with going to Oz. As long as you are not running away from your issues.

Good luck man.

Wibbs

Simon81 wrote: »

SHe said she wants to still be friends etc and in the state I was I agreed to it all.

Of course she did. It makes it easier for her. She gets to keep the emotional connection without the relationship. Don't fall for that. The second she left and decided to leave a shared future is when she lost the access to your friendship. Certainly for the moment. Don't be lulled into thinking this is cruel. It's not. It's for you.

I'll be totally out of contact with her then, having fun, surrounded by friends.

Good call.

Went out last night again, had an awful night, ended up getting the nitelink home on my own, just sitting there thinking about it all and I was devestated. Couldnt sleep then, so badly wanted to text her but resisted. Dam this is hard but im slowly coming to terms with it.

Fair play to you. Now keep that going day to day, even sometimes it'll be hour to hour.

As greentree wrote it is a grieving process akin to somebody dying. With exes they don't have the decency to peg it:D so you still have a walking talking ghost in your life. Exorcise the ghost and learn from it and move on.

LegacyUser

OP

I strongly suggest a read of this thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=269323

Good luck!

LegacyUser

querty08 wrote: »

OP

I strongly suggest a read of this thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=269323

Good luck!

Dam i just read the first couple of pages on that and its making me feel really bad, so ive stopped. I have to keep positive rather than getting down.

I'll get over her I know I will, im looking forward to loving someone else again, even if its not going to be for a while yet.

Was out again last night, didnt really bother going around chatting girls up, i think im afraid of the rejection at the moment cos i'm obviously feeling really rejected. I just want to have fun and dont want the pressure of trying to find a girl to have a rebound with or anything like that, I was happy as I am.

JackieO

I agree with pretty much everything said above:

1. Everyone goes through this at some stage.
2. You feel like you will never be happy again unless you have this person back - this is not true. There is someone so much better out there waiting for you who will not break your heart.
3. You need to spend time to grieve this relationship - so spend a few weeks crying your self to sleep, reminising on all memories of relationship etc. This can only go on for so long though. Eventually you will get sick of listening to yourself and will want to get back out there and get on with living ur life.
4. Only then should you try and put on brave face to the world and pretend to get over it.
5. Random one-nights stands are not to be scorned at - can do wonders to self-confidence and to give that feeling of being "back in the game". They also are essential in the healing process as you begin to realise that life must move on after your ex.
6. No matter how bad it feels now this feeling WILL NOT last forever, it just feels that way at the moment.

7. Finally, I would seriously recommend a book called "Its called break-up because its broken". Totally changed my life. Basic philosophy is that the person who is worth your tears will not break your heart!! (and the one who will is obviously just not worth it - its very simple really!).

Hope this helps!

Wibbs

^^ good post and advice from JackieO above and a lot less long winded and full of tripe than mine.

WhiteWashMan

Simon81 wrote: »

SHe said she wants to still be friends etc and in the state I was I agreed to it all. But now im starting to really dislike her, even beginning to hate her for hurting me so much. Im thinking fo the bad times in our relationship, to try get me over it all.

Most of my mates are in Oz at the moment, (a lot of my friends were her friends, there boyfriends etc so im going to loose most of them to) just have the 2/3 good friends at home and they are all in there own relationships etc so dont have all the time in the world but are making the effort when they can, but its proving hard to keep my mind occupied. There telling me to go over, I was in Oz for 4 months after college, but i think it might be a great place to go back to for a few months to help me. I'll be totally out of contact with her then, having fun, surrounded by friends.

Went out last night again, had an awful night, ended up getting the nitelink home on my own, just sitting there thinking about it all and I was devestated. Couldnt sleep then, so badly wanted to text her but resisted. Dam this is hard but im slowly coming to terms with it.

dude, dont do the friends thing. it will draw everything out much longer than it needs to be. you wont get happiness from it. you wont be going out with her again. you wont be a big part of her life again. and she wont be including you in lots of stuff.
all she is doing is trying to offer you some sort of comfort becuase she hurt you. she thinks she is doing the nice thing. she doesnt mean to be horrible, but at the end of the day, you stay in contact with her, and all you do is draw it out.
you need to move on. you need to stop contact with her and you need to move on. maybe at a later stage, when you are in a better place, and you have lost the crutch that is her memory, then you can get in contact, talk it over, finally get closure, whatever you need to do.

and making change is one of the best ways to get over a relationship. change your hair, your clothes, your style, your house, your country, whatever. be different. than you wont be the same bloke who got dumped. you will have started to move on. stay in the same routine, and all you will do is miss the parts of the routine where your ex was.

Overheal

WhiteWashMan wrote: »

dude, dont do the friends thing. it will draw everything out much longer than it needs to be. you wont get happiness from it. you wont be going out with her again. you wont be a big part of her life again. and she wont be including you in lots of stuff.
all she is doing is trying to offer you some sort of comfort becuase she hurt you. she thinks she is doing the nice thing. she doesnt mean to be horrible, but at the end of the day, you stay in contact with her, and all you do is draw it out.
you need to move on. you need to stop contact with her and you need to move on. maybe at a later stage, when you are in a better place, and you have lost the crutch that is her memory, then you can get in contact, talk it over, finally get closure, whatever you need to do.

and making change is one of the best ways to get over a relationship. change your hair, your clothes, your style, your house, your country, whatever. be different. than you wont be the same bloke who got dumped. you will have started to move on. stay in the same routine, and all you will do is miss the parts of the routine where your ex was.

change of House worked well for me I can go whole days without thinking about my own thing now

I will just Quote WWM for truth here: in the long run you will only feel worse if you try to be friends with her. You already say you hater her a bit? Please: act on that. Make some distance.

They almost always think its the right thing to stay friends but it just doesnt work - the best thing for both of you is non-contact and a little resentment won't hurt as much in the long run. I'm not saying my recommended course of action isn't without its moments but they are a lot less frequent, and a lot less damaging.

And oh yeah if you're still thinking about texting her that still means you need to delete her number!!!

Poppers1888

Simon,

My heart was broken realy bad 4 years ago, was 5 year relationship, my life crumbled, then my mum died. Was totally lost.
Am so happy now have lovely boyfriend for 2 years am very happy in myself, take things slowly, Oz might be a good plan, will be a great experience always wish i had gone!!
Best of luck x

PullMyFinger!

Overheal wrote: »

delete her number!!![/i]

+1

DD

evry1sm8 wrote: »

Please listen to me.

Believe me, i KNOW the pain youre feeling. I had 2 break ups to get my head around.
I was so depressed and distraught and i hardly ever left my room too.
I missed so much work as i just couldnt get up / function in the mornings.
I felt like id rather be dead. I cried EVERY day. I went on anti-depressants and it helped a small bit but it never really took away the hurt and lonliness i felt. The hurt was so bad my chest felt physically sore, and no matter what anyone said about time healing it made NO difference, i couldnt see an end to it, and even if i could, i wanted the end to come sooner than it was or i thought i may die of heartache! I suffered this hurt for a solid 6 months!!!

Now, i am COMPLETELY happy. Id never have seen this outcome.
Trust me, what people say about time healing, its TRUE.
It does get better in time, but im not going to say it will soon, it probably wont. It takes TIME.

Most importantly know you will come out the other end like i have, stronger, smarter, and HAPPIER.

Surround yourself with good positive people.

Good luck.

It's true everything he said. Just be patient, have confidence in you and try to stay around people that love you. It will take lot of time but you will get over it. best of luck hugs

LegacyUser

Lads im with her 7 years i know her number of by heart!

This time 2 weeks ago i was ina gony, things are looking up though. I feel a lot better, sometimes i just sit there and think of the great times and have a ter in my eye, but I know this is for the best.

I am dreading the night out when wen we are out and i see her with another man. As our town is quite small and were both mas for a night out I can see us bumping into each other quite often and when theres alcohol involved it could be a massive problem.

Also I keep checking her bebo to check if blokes are leaving her messages, sad i know but it cant be helped