Do women ever make the first move?

DirkVoodoo

Ladies,

First time posting in the ladies lounge, so please go easy on me.

I have a problem that's been bugging me for a while now. Basically, there is this girl I like a lot. I have only known her a few months but she is really great to be around and is the kind of girl that I find really attractive (on more than just a physical level). Anyway, I'm not sure if she likes me, we haven't hooked up or anything and generally I am pretty poor with women, I don't really know why (is posting on boards about my love life a clue?) but thats the way it is.

What I want to know is: Will a girl, even if she likes a guy, not make the first move or is that my old fashioned view of romance? (And I don't mean grinding on the dancefloor, but a simple bar-type setting)

Cheers

Rattlehead_ie

Dirk, Im not.......... <checks to make sure> one of the fine ladies on the board, but to answer your question. I would say it depends on the girl. Some girls would happily do it, but more subtle than the obvious, they would flirt, maybe touch you in a fun friends way..... While other girls wouldn't at all and expect the guy to at least initiate if not just the flirting obviously more.

I think in your situation the best perspective to look at this from is.......... has she ever done / said / made you think that she has an interest in you? Does she flirt with you, is she just good friends? Best thing I can suggest is if you can flirt with the girl, even just ask her for coffee she could say yes, a positive step or no which is a negative step.

Of course the ladies Im sure will give you their opinion but hope this helps, as I said it really depends on the girl.

Crumble Froo

have to say man, i never have, and probably never would. perhaps with someone i was already really good friends with, but personally, im just too ridiculously nervous and shy with people.

Alessandra

Most women will never approach a guy, I know at least I wouldn't. It's the fear of rejection, how will I know he likes, me what if he shoots me down etc. Then again there are some women, who are ultra confident and don't give a damn who will approach you and actually put on the moves. Don't know any myself but I've heard. If you are unwilling to do it yourself. Maybe send out some positive signals. Compliment her, express interest etc. She might feel the same, but really think you should ask yourself and find out.. good luck.

Ginny

See now my problem seems to be I can't read the signs when someone likes me, and even if I did I'd ask them if they were sure:D
I'm hopeless I just think everyone is being friendly...so mabye if you know how you feel about her you could talk to one of her friends if you can't talk directly to herself?

G86

Hmmmm its depends,

If it was a guy I'd just met then yep Id have no problem making the first move..

but it it was a friend I'd be wary.....

LadyJ

I wouldn't walk up to the bar and initiate a conversation with a hot guy tbh but if I happened to get talking to him at the bar for whatever reason then I'd have no problem making my move at that stage, providing he seemed interested of course.

Depends on the girl and the setting imo.

Balmed Out

Lots of women do, some blatantly others more subtley.

Crumble Froo

GinnyJo wrote: »

See now my problem seems to be I can't read the signs when someone likes me, and even if I did I'd ask them if they were sure:D
I'm hopeless I just think everyone is being friendly...so mabye if you know how you feel about her you could talk to one of her friends if you can't talk directly to herself?

lol, that's so me!

Pyjamarama

LadyJ wrote: »

I wouldn't walk up to the bar and initiate a conversation with a hot guy tbh but if I happened to get talking to him at the bar for whatever reason then I'd have no problem making my move at that stage, providing he seemed interested of course.

Depends on the girl and the setting imo.

Yep I think the context is important.

What do you mean by make a move? Do you mean be flirty when you're out for drinks with a group of people or do you mean ask you out directly out of the blue?
I wouldn't ask a guy out, I might tell him to come for drinks if we have mutual friends or something, something that's casual and not actually a 'date'. Also if we were all out in a group I'd flirt and be friendly if I was interested.
How does she act around you?

I flirt, I never make the first move.

I'm quite friendly surprisingly enough , so sometimes when I meet a man for the first time, they can't contemplate that treating them like a normal human being isn't a raging come on.
I don't think these type of guys find anything more terrifying.

DirkVoodoo

Wow, really interesting and varied points of view here!

I am almost legendary for not being able to tell if a girl likes me, so I suppose it would be wrong to possibly ruin a friendship by just saying to her out of the blue "I really like you".

I think I will give it time, wait for a night out, see if anything happens. If it does, then it does I guess.

Nice to know what women think of the subject though

Nevyn

Yes I have and would again and it has varied from getting thier phone number from a common aquaintance and ringing them to arrange to meet for coffee, accidentially bumpng into them at a bar, buying them a drink and getting it sent to them, to stuffing a condom in their pocket, walking off and letting them follow me ( been a few years from when I did that one).

There are many ways to passively and activly making the first move.

Some times a guy needs some encourgement and an opening so going to the bar on you own and standing close to him can be making a move so he can make one.

WindSock

If I didn't, nothing would have ever happened now we have been going out nigh on 3 years.

seahorse

I have done in my last two relationships and they both lasted 5+ years. I was very blatant about it; that wouldn't faze me at all; but then you cant judge what's going on with this girl measured against how other women would respond. She might just be very shy. Good luck with it.

redfacedbear

DirkVoodoo wrote: »

I think I will give it time, wait for a night out, see if anything happens. If it does, then it does I guess.

Speaking as a former master at 'laying groundwork' - I promise you that this will most likely get you nowhere. You need to make it clear to her that you are into her. It doesn't need to be an all or nothing 'I love you, I do' but sitting back and waiting for some indication from her will mean she'll most likely never consider you as anything more than a friend.

Niamho!

I have done and would again no problem. but only if the bloke is showing interest in me obviously.
i find it quite surprising the amount of women who just wouldnt purely because of their "Its a mans job" attitude!! its the 21st century. i can totally understand if its shyness but not that the man has to be the first mover. thats gone out with the fairies i think!

Rozabeez

Just ask her out for a drink!

MLE

Id have no problem making the first move... but Im taken so its never going to happen again...:D

SW81

I'd be far too chicken to make the first move. But usually eye contact and a smile here and there is enough for them to come over. And if they don't well feck em

Cazlou

SW81 wrote: »

I'd be far too chicken to make the first move. But usually eye contact and a smile here and there is enough for them to come over. And if they don't well feck em

Haha, I would defo agree with that!

Back in the days when I worked in a gym, if I saw any cute members (no pun intended you dirty minded people!:p) in the local niteclub, if I'd had a couple of drinks in me (I'm ridiculously shy when it comes to talking to blokes) I'd make my way over/accidentally end up beside them at the bar, and say 'Hey, you're such and such, how's your training going.. etc' - to a varied result!:o:D

Very recently, I've a "friend" who I haven't seen in months but we talk on msn ALL the time..and it's usually pretty flirty. when I said I'd been out with some new friends, he asked were any of the single and said he'd really like a girlfriend..now I thought I'd always been pretty obvious that I fancied him.... so I told him that hurt my feelings... cue lots of confusion and mixed messages... so eventually after much co-ersion (thanks G!;)), I sent him a text saying out straight that I LIKED HIM and that was why I was upset when he asked about my friends etc....
Now he's barely speaking to me...:(

So after getting my fingers burnt I dunno if I'd ever make the move again.... *sob*

but who knows.... if a Jared/Kelly/ lookalike came along I'd probably hop on him and forget all about what I just said!:D

SW81

Ah Cazlou Sorry to hear that but at least you bit the bullet and found out for yourself....rejection is a BITCH but I think its better to know than to have false hope?

Cazlou

SW81 wrote: »

Ah Cazlou Sorry to hear that but at least you bit the bullet and found out for yourself....rejection is a BITCH but I think its better to know than to have false hope?

Oh it is indeed!.... NEXT!!!!!

stratospheres

I'd have no problem making a move if I was out or whatever, but if it was a different situation or a friend, like someone said earlier, I'd have to suss it out a bit before doing anything!

gbh

DirkVoodoo wrote: »

Ladies,

First time posting in the ladies lounge, so please go easy on me.

I have a problem that's been bugging me for a while now. Basically, there is this girl I like a lot. I have only known her a few months but she is really great to be around and is the kind of girl that I find really attractive (on more than just a physical level). Anyway, I'm not sure if she likes me, we haven't hooked up or anything and generally I am pretty poor with women, I don't really know why (is posting on boards about my love life a clue?) but thats the way it is.

What I want to know is: Will a girl, even if she likes a guy, not make the first move or is that my old fashioned view of romance? (And I don't mean grinding on the dancefloor, but a simple bar-type setting)

Cheers

Hmm, again i'm not a woman...but...generally you can tell if a girl or woman likes you. If you are somewhere and she spots you she will make a beeline in your direction, even if not to talk to you, ie just to sit near you. She wants you to notice her and to be in your line of sight as much as possible so that you get to like her, etc. Hope im not giving away too many female secrets here.

What else? well she will smile at you maybe, she will look at you a lot, she might seem shy around you...most of all she wont risk looking like a fool on front of you so that means if she thinks you might reject her advances she wont risk it...and she might prefer to wait for you to make the first move, if you get me..

But the moral of the story is...forget about this does she like me, doesnt she like me bit...there is only one way to resolve it...ask her to lunch, to the cinema, dinner, etc...thats called putting the ball in her court...that way you find out for sure...if she likes you she will say yes, if she doesnt then move on...

but the sooner you ask the better, cause girls dont wait forever and someone else will get in before you..

Jules

Cazlou wrote: »

Now he's barely speaking to me...:(

Maybe he just isn't sure of how to approch it! Would love to hear a mans insite into this kinda thing.


Personally i think the situation and how it presents its self. In the past some times i did sometimes i didn't.

There are too many variables!

lezizi

If i liked someone I would definetly make the first move, the worst they can say is no.

Rattlehead_ie

Come to think about it, I've never had anyone make 1st move on me. I aint complaining though, many rejections and few success'.I prefer the chase

cuckoo

stratospheres wrote: »

I'd have no problem making a move if I was out or whatever, but if it was a different situation or a friend, like someone said earlier, I'd have to suss it out a bit before doing anything!

I made the first move on a friend once. There had been a lot of flirting between the two of us, and eventually i (post a couple of drinks)..um....lunged at him. Thankfully he responded favourably.

We went out for a while after that, and he once admitted that he hated that he hadn't made the first move!

So, now i'm a little less sure about making the first move, might stick with the flirting and signalling and see how that goes.

Doodee

Yes,

I have had a woman approach me on more than one occasion.
I have also had a co-worker declare there intentions (and i kick myself for not taking advantage instead of being morally correct, incorrect in a different light)

But the truth is it happens a lot less than with woman who lock-in on eye contact, smiles etc
If you want to find out just make a move, sit back and it will pass you by.

Clare Bear

Feck me making the move, THEY can come to ME!

Just trying to think if I ever have made the move on anyone....I did with a friend and that worked out for a while but it was kind of a mutual thing cause I knew he was thinking the same thing. Otherwise no I don't think I have, meh, too much hard work Just give them the eyes and they'll be straight over

Cazlou that's so crap doll :mad: I'd say he just feels awkward now though and wasn't expecting it....give it a little while and ye might be cool again? At least you went for it though, fair play.

SarahSassy

Its never worked out for me being the main pursuer.... Likewise, for my friends. In the cases where my friends are happily married it was always after the guys making the initialial 'chasing' moves... I agree with being the modenr woman and think that women should make 50% of the effort but (especially with older guys) it generally scares the life out of them.

Susannahmia

DirkVoodoo wrote: »

Ladies,

First time posting in the ladies lounge, so please go easy on me.

I have a problem that's been bugging me for a while now. Basically, there is this girl I like a lot. I have only known her a few months but she is really great to be around and is the kind of girl that I find really attractive (on more than just a physical level). Anyway, I'm not sure if she likes me, we haven't hooked up or anything and generally I am pretty poor with women, I don't really know why (is posting on boards about my love life a clue?) but thats the way it is.

What I want to know is: Will a girl, even if she likes a guy, not make the first move or is that my old fashioned view of romance? (And I don't mean grinding on the dancefloor, but a simple bar-type setting)

Cheers

I generally don't. I'm shy and the girl thing is a good excuse.:o

Nightwish

I'm shy but I was so in lust with my bf before we got together, that I couldnt resist making a move. We were good friends and I just leaned over and kissed him and we've been together ever since

SarahSassy

Nightwish wrote: »

I'm shy but I was so in lust with my bf before we got together, that I couldnt resist making a move. We were good friends and I just leaned over and kissed him and we've been together ever since

Ah thats cute.