Is he too young for me?

LegacyUser

I'm female and 24 years old. I have recently fallen big time for a lad who's just turned 17. He's gorgeous, fun and one of the nicest people I've ever met. I know he likes me too. Would it be wrong for me to date him? I am worried people would think I'm a paedophile, but I like him so much I think I'm willing to risk it. I'm worried what my parents and his would say though.

LadyE

I wouldnt call you aperve (from your name!) but personally, I would think its to young. But thats just me. Its a personal thing tho..would you not want to go the the pub on dates and stuff, he wouldnt be able to get in...same with the cinema etc..I dont know...as I said, personal thing!

LegacyUser

I don't drink and don't really like pubs so it doesn't matter to me if he can't get in.

Dord

17 is the legal age of consent in Ireland. No problem there except maybe if you have an issue with the age difference yourself.

PeakOutput

ye he is young and im sure you will think he is immature after a while but sure go for it itll be the thrill of his life im sure

he is young though

jdivision

It's a big enough gap but I went out with a 16 year old when I was 12 and a 21 year old when I was 17 (I'm male btw)

MCMLXXXIII

Get it!

Seriously though, when I was 18 (and just started living on my own and the university) I tried dating a 17 year old that was finishing high school, and it sooooooo did not work. There is just too much of a culture difference between high school and college. It was cool when it was just us two, but when we mixed friends it was disasterous.

Plus, when I was in high school, I thought the people dating others that were already graduates were whores (IMO).

Balmed Out

jdivision - what happened when you were 12 was so very wrong.

OP I have to say dont go there. This person is far less mature then you and it wouldnt be a coming together of equals. Ask yourself this: If you were sleeping with him and his mother found out could you look her in the eye. I hope the answers no and you realise its not cool.

If someone I knew of your age did that id have absolutely no respect for them. Once someones hit their twenties i dont think age matters but until then it does regardless of it being legal or not.

daiixi

If you have to ask then yes, he is too young for you.

Shelli

When I met my boyfriend he was 19 and I was 24, my mates originally took the piss out of me for a while but they like him too and he's mature beyond his years. Most people couldnt believe what age he was. I've always really gone for younger blokes but this was the biggest age gap, and it's the best relationship I've ever had. We're still together, madly in love and have a beautiful son!

I'd say go for it, just be prepared for a bit of stick, but if he's worth it then you may have a shot at something great!

BTW, all the women in my family are older than their partners! Must run in the family but all the realtionships are rock solid! (Biggest age gap is 9 yrs)

Sherifu

I don't see anything wrong with it, if you're not bothered what others say/think then go for it.

AngryBadger

I don't think it makes you a pervert, but personally I'd feel uncomrfortable with that kind of age difference, at 17 he's not even out of the blocks, he's going to be going through some massive changes, I have difficulty seeing how two people at two points in their development which are so far apart could beuild a stable relationship.

Just my two cents.

eve

It's not the age difference I would see as being the problem but more his maturity. A friend of mine is 26 and has been going out with a guy who's now 19 for over a year. Same age gap as OP is talking aobut but guys can gain a hell of a lot of maturity between 17 and 19.

LegacyUser

i'm 24 f goin out with a 18 year old. at first i knew he liked me but i was like "no way, hes to young!" but the night we got together i suppose i just gave in to it (i was kind of trying to get with me for a while). and at first i thought it wouldn't last long, and i think everyone else around us throught the same. he looks like he could be 25 and i look a few years younger than i am, so outside of our friends, people don't realize. biggest problem is when we hang out with my friends, he gets a bit nervous i think. when i'm with his friends i'm ok mostly, sometimes it gets my down because i feel like i might be the oldest person in the room (although a lot of his friends are over 21). but when we get together with my friends, i'm a bit paranoid and hes a bit quiet.
So, OP, its not easy, i think if i was you i might steer clear, because 17 is actually a lof different to 18. at least my boyfriend is already in college and everything, although its still a bit weird because i finished college already. he'll get a great reputation when his friends find out, but you'll probably get a kind of bad one. i haven't experienced this personally yet, but i know because a couple of years before my younger brother started going out with a much older girl and me and my mum were just really suspicious about this girl and what she was at.
as well, you'll probably end up paying for loads of stuff and spending loads of money just feeding him when hes over at yours all the time (because i'm assuming he still lives with his parents) and that can be a stress because at that age (or any age if you haven't lived outside your parents house!) people don't really understand how it adds up.

Victor

same difference wrote: »

i was kind of trying to get with me for a while

?

Auldloon

If its what you want then go and do it. Your doing nothing wrong and life is too short to worry about other people.

Ciara2008

Heya,

In theory I don't think there is anything wrong with it but I'd say you will start to notice his age soon enough.....

When I was 24 I started going out with a 21 year old - everyone told me I was crazy to let it bother me but I hated feeling like a chaperone when I was out with his friends - hate going to 21st's and although we managed to keep it going for 2 and ahalf years we broke up more or less because I wanted to think about settling down whereas he was just finishing up in college and the things I was starting to think about were as far from being on his mind as possible.

By all means go for it, your young enough to have a few flings - just don't take it too seriously

xebec

It is a big age gap and both sets of parents will have an issue with it. When I was 19 I went out with a 26 year old for 18 months, worked really well but that was because we had similar friends and very similar personalities. I was never proud of the fact that my girlfriend was so much older than me, in fact I got a lot of stick over it, but we just worked well together. The situation was a big factor in making that work, we were both in college and living in the same student accommodation block.

If you truly believe it's what you want then go for it, but be prepared that it won't be to everyone's liking.

jdivision

Balmed Out wrote: »

jdivision - what happened when you were 12 was so very wrong.
.

Why, I looked older than I was, have always been maturer than my years. My mates when I was 12 were all 15 and 16 and it happened within that context She was a nice girl. We didn't sleep together, just went out together for while

Girrrrseach

Ah, don't be worried what others will say. Live your life for you, not for others.

I say enjoy it, if it's both what you want.... However, personally, I don't think it will last that long, as he is so young, i'm sure he doesn't want to be tied down at such a young age. That said, people are different...

Good luck, and follow your heart!

sharkDawg

jdivision wrote: »

It's a big enough gap but I went out with a 16 year old when I was 12 and a 21 year old when I was 17 (I'm male btw)

Legend!

What ever happened to the half your age and add seven rule? I've a friend who's 20 and he's going out with a 26 year old gal, works well for them and nobody i know treats them any differently, she does mother him a bit though!

Lockstep

Guys love the whole older woman thing.


Although the Friends where Monica dates the high school kid comes to mind:D


YOu'll be fine.

jdivision

sharkDawg wrote: »

Legend!

What ever happened to the half your age and add seven rule? I've a friend who's 20 and he's going out with a 26 year old gal, works well for them and nobody i know treats them any differently, she does mother him a bit though!

Not at all. I just don't relate really to girls who are younger than me -particularly the giggly ones - and am more comfortable around people who are older than me - that can create its own difficulties believe me because a lot of women won't consider going out with somebody younger than them! That said I actually do kinda like somebody at the moment who's five years younger than me (she's nearly 25) and I find it really weird. Have only ever been with one person younger than me!

pwd

Like others are saying you're not a pervert, but he is too young. Think about how much less you knew about life and relationships when you were 17. Then consider that guys are usually less mature than girls of the same age when they're in their teens. If he seems unusually mature, he probably is faking it.

witnessmenow

sharkDawg wrote: »

Legend!

What ever happened to the half your age and add seven rule? I've a friend who's 20 and he's going out with a 26 year old gal, works well for them and nobody i know treats them any differently, she does mother him a bit though!

lol! was just about to suggest the law i live my life by.. 1/2 your age and add 7! ([off topic] I honestly think the law should be something like this! if a 17 year old has sex with 16 and 364 day old its technically ileagal, this system allow for such cases![/off topic]) , that i'm afraid does not bode well for you though.

It probably is too much of a difference, it might work out well for a while but one day you will really notice the age difference and it will annoy the hell out of you from there on in!

killwill

I'm going out with gor my gf for a few years now. I'm 25, she is 37. We even bought a house recently and have a daughter now. We are on a par as maturity goes. OP I reckon go for it. If it doesn't work out at least you tried.

The Sweeper

I think he's too young for you.

And I also think if you were a bloke asking if it was acceptable to date a 17 year old girl, the thread respondents would be coming down on you much harder.

Gazza22

Well, i agree with other posters in the sense that when he is 17, there are some barriers such as him not being legal age for socialising such as drinking etc that may make the relationship awkward. Though love is love at the end of the day and if you think you both of you are mutually having a good time - why not?

Victor wrote: »

?

I don't really understand why some people have to be so awkward....

Out of everything the OP & same difference said and anybody else for that matter, you chose to add "?", great contribution Victor!

Obviously same difference made a small mistake and either meant

1) (I was trying to get with him for awhile)

OR

2) (He was trying to get with me for awhile)

Use a bit of reason, take 10 seconds of your life and see what the person really meant instead of submitting a smart post, while you know exactly what they meant.

If it was an ordinary poster who did this in PI, they would be cautioned to stay on topic, i wouldn't have minded if you gave your opinion to the OP on the subject along with something of actual value instead of your post that has no interest to anybody but your own ego, and that's putting aside that your a PI mod yourself....

Marksie

Gazza22: If you have a problem with a particular post use the report post function.

Neither should you make personal comments about another poster.
I would not have warned a poster for a comment like that.
There are more appropriate forums for this type of post and you should use them.

Plan_D

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

I think he's too young for you.

And I also think if you were a bloke asking if it was acceptable to date a 17 year old girl, the thread respondents would be coming down on you much harder.

+1

is_that_so

OP I recall having the same conversation with another 24 year old who also went after a 17 year old. As some people have pointed out there is a huge difference even between 17 & 18 in terms of maturity. 17 year olds are kids, especially guys.

Anyway I gave her a warning about how it could all end up in tears and she'd only end up messing with his head. She threw a wobbbler and ranted on about doing what she liked with whomever she liked, before storming off.

And hey presto, three weeks later, she was back mumbling apologies. However the poor lad was in a mess for some time after. So if you want to go for it, then do but you will only have yourself to blame for any unforeseen consequences. Remember you're the adult in this.

LegacyUser

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

I think he's too young for you.

And I also think if you were a bloke asking if it was acceptable to date a 17 year old girl, the thread respondents would be coming down on you much harder.

+1 without doubt

sickpuppy

Hey op go for it my sister met her current husband when he was 17 too and she was 22.
She was gonna dump him when she found out how young he was but he was mature and left school at 14 and was working for himself.
14 years later vert happily married four children and another on the way .
She listened to her heart not her head and it worked out of course this is astory witha happy ending but if you dont give ita ago there will only be one outcome.
So take arisk and go for it you might regret it if you dont.

Wibbs

sickpuppy wrote: »

he was mature and left school at 14 and was working for himself.

That's the important bit. He was out in the world more than many 22 year old college kids, so was pretty much on a par with her.

JXP99

Put it this way would you look twice at oldage couple male 77 female 84? their both old right?

Just like you are both young, give it a shot!!!!!

JXP99

JXP99 wrote: »

Put it this way would you look twice at oldage couple male 77 female 84? their both old right?

That hardly applies, considering you would look twice at a 15 year old with a 22 year old. It makes a difference when you're very young, even when just legal imo.

However the poor lad was in a mess for some time after. So if you want to go for it, then do but you will only have yourself to blame for any unforeseen consequences. Remember you're the adult in this.

Seconded - be careful not to fool with his head.
Personally I'd advise against it, particularly if he's still in school.

Chinafoot

JXP99 wrote: »

Put it this way would you look twice at oldage couple male 77 female 84? their both old right?

Of course you wouldn't but that is because both have gone through all the fundamental changes of growing up and would most likely be on a similar level.

There is a huge difference between 17 and 24. Hell, there's a huge difference between 17 and 19.

If the OP wants to go for it then she should, but she should be prepared for the enormous changes that this guy will go through when he finishes school, starts college/work...stuff she's more than likely already gone through.

OP if you fancy a bit of fun, go for it. But I wouldn't see it as anything serious if I were you.

Marksie

sharkDawg wrote: »

What ever happened to the half your age and add seven rule? !

I keep seeing that rule cropping up. Emotional maturity and life experience are also factors as wibbs pointed out earlier.

You have, but in this instance, does your potential B/friend have these two factors?

FunkZ

daiixi wrote: »

If you have to ask then yes, he is too young for you.

That's all that has to be said really.

tbh

it's legal. Anything else is just a point of view.

mazdafarl

Shelli wrote: »

When I met my boyfriend he was 19 and I was 24, my mates originally took the piss out of me for a while but they like him too and he's mature beyond his years. Most people couldnt believe what age he was. I've always really gone for younger blokes but this was the biggest age gap, and it's the best relationship I've ever had. We're still together, madly in love and have a beautiful son!

I'd say go for it, just be prepared for a bit of stick, but if he's worth it then you may have a shot at something great!

BTW, all the women in my family are older than their partners! Must run in the family but all the realtionships are rock solid! (Biggest age gap is 9 yrs)

Im sure your son will be happy that you did, especially when he realizes you named him tadgh

seraphimvc

i would say he is too young...unless he is 'special',the very premature one...

that's why i say i am 25 while in some scenes :)but think back when i was 17...neh...i was just a kid...maybe a mature kid...but there is a big difference between man and kid :P

Featherl

way too young

junkster12345

i started going out with my girlfrield when she was 16 and i was going on 21, that was over 7 years ago and we are still together and very happy, we are currently looking into buying out first home together, so forget what people say and go for it, if you worry about what others think, you will never take any chances in life, people may comment on it but you will soon become old news and they will have moved on to the next bit of gossip.
so take it from me, it can work out, im the proof !;);)
;)

Dudess

jdivision wrote: »

Why, I looked older than I was, have always been maturer than my years. My mates when I was 12 were all 15 and 16 and it happened within that context She was a nice girl. We didn't sleep together, just went out together for while

Think that poster was just a bit taken aback because... you were 12!!! But they didn't realise all the other stuff about you looking and acting older etc.

sharkDawg wrote: »

What ever happened to the half your age and add seven rule?

Marksie wrote: »

I keep seeing that rule cropping up. Emotional maturity and life experience are also factors as wibbs pointed out earlier.

So do I, Marksie. I'll be a bit more blunt about it: it's not a "rule", it's a load of cock. Who oh why are so many people over the age of 14 actually paying any heed to it?

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

I think he's too young for you.

And I also think if you were a bloke asking if it was acceptable to date a 17 year old girl, the thread respondents would be coming down on you much harder.

This is such a thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055204420
I don't know. There were too many laddish idiots advising the OP to use the girl as a bit of meat for my liking. Notice there's none of that crap here. Whether the respondents would come down a lot harder, I don't know, but the reaction would certainly be different. I kinda think a woman would be judged very negatively for going out with a teenage guy - firstly because it flies in the face of cultural norms for a female to go out with a younger male anyway, not to mind a much younger male.

JXP99 wrote: »

Put it this way would you look twice at oldage couple male 77 female 84? their both old right?

Just like you are both young, give it a shot!!!!!

Not the same - there's not really any difference between 77 and 84. Age gaps narrow as you get older.

tbh wrote: »

it's legal. Anything else is just a point of view.

I'm seeing this mindset too often on this forum - that everything's ok as long as it's legal.

OP, you're not just thinking "phwoar! Bit of young totty, he'll look good on my arm" as would often be the case if the genders were reversed, but at the same time, the age gap could prove problematic because of the different stages you're both at.

Dudess

Dudess wrote:

So do I, Marksie. I'll be a bit more blunt about it: it's not a "rule", it's a load of cock. Who oh why are so many people over the age of 14 actually paying any heed to it?

Because not taking risks, relying on other people to think for you and experiencing relationships through a nice filter of rules and regulations at a comfortable distance makes you happy!
*cough*
Sorry

How Strange

I went out with a guy once who was 7 years younger than me. I knew he was younger than me when I met him but thought it was only by a 2 or 3 years. I was shocked to find out he was 22 :eek: I was 29.

Anyway, I was appalled to begin with and wanted nothing to do with him; I think my jaw actually made a noise as it hit the bar when he told me on our first 'date'. He pursued me so I gave him a chance and we had the best laugh I've ever had with a guy. We got on so well and were so comfortable around each other that I soon forgot the age gap. The sex was amazing too; one of the perks of a younger man

I got some slagging but tbh most of the comments were very positive if not a little envious.

I was very uncomfortable about the age difference and like you asked for reassurance from friends at the start. In short, if you two get on great and are strong together then it doesn't matter what other people think. But you really have to acknowledge and accept the age difference and be prepared for other people's narrow mindedness.

In my case, the guy turned out to be a prat but it was nothing to do with his age; that was his personality.

I've got female friends and relations that married younger men and they are very happy years later. The thing about the age gap is that it narrows as you get older. It just tends to be very obvious in the late teens/early 20's/

chris_oc

rkm wrote: »

I don't see anything wrong with it, if you're not bothered what others say/think then go for it.

no theres nothing wrong with it... BUT if you want to go about it in the logical way it most likely wouldn't work out.
Well only horizontally that is!:p

I wouldn't get too attached to be honest..

He has college and all ahead of him,remember that. Any relationship you'd have with the young lad shouldn't be too serious (IMO).

chris_oc

chris_oc wrote: »

no theres nothing wrong with it... BUT if you want to go about it in the logical way it most likely wouldn't work out.
Well only horizontally that is!:p

I wouldn't get too attached to be honest..

He has college and all ahead of him,remember that. Any relationship you'd have with the young lad shouldn't be too serious (IMO).

tbh wrote: »

it's legal. Anything else is just a point of view.

Isn't that just exactly what she's asking for?!?!
A point of view(s)!:rolleyes::rolleyes:

tbh

chris_oc wrote: »

Isn't that just exactly what she's asking for?!?!
A point of view(s)!:rolleyes::rolleyes:

that's exactly what i gave her. In case you didn't understand, I was saying that as long as it's legal, who cares what other people think?

that's my point of view :rolleyes:

Dragan

possibleperv wrote: »

I'm female and 24 years old. I have recently fallen big time for a lad who's just turned 17. He's gorgeous, fun and one of the nicest people I've ever met. I know he likes me too. Would it be wrong for me to date him? I am worried people would think I'm a paedophile, but I like him so much I think I'm willing to risk it. I'm worried what my parents and his would say though.

Can't say as i would have an issue with it but the simple fact is that the difference between 17 and 24 might as well be the difference between 17 and 40.

The guy is only 17 and he will have a massive amount of growing up to do, a lot of things he will need to experience before he is an mature adult.

At the end of the day your pretty much a fully developed adult, he's only on his way.

It will be important to consider that.