31 and no Direction in LIFE!

LegacyUser

Hi All,
Sorry if this is a long post but bare with me.
Im 30 almost 31. I have lots of problems in my head. These problems may seem little to people I tell but to me they are quire serious. First of all, before I go any further, I can seriously relate to this posters problems as far as thinking deeply, always wanting to be famous or rich etc..
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055219425

I mentioned my age at the beginning because one of my problems is not being settled at my age. I don't mean settled as in married or kids but as in, I still dont have a clue what track Im on. I dont have any focus or goals. Do you understand? I mean, I've had about 5 different jobs since I left school. Fine, I can go on the way I am, earning enough money to get me by, but its hard. Especially seeing all my friends with their big jobs and their houses and married etc.

I have a GF who I love very much, but then again Im always asking myself, WHAT IF? What if I never started seeing her 7 years ago? Where would I be now, would I be happier?
Anyway, all this thinking and not having any direction in life is keeping me from marring her.

When I was in school, I never had any ambition to work at anything. I always knew (NOT THOUGHT) knew, something big was going to land on my lap eventually. Maybe I'd win the lotto, become a famous DJ, Actor or something like that.
I was very popular as a young lad. The girls loved me, I was funny outgoing. I still am you see, my friends only know me as a fun, outgoing, sociable person. Only my GF and maybe my parents know how un-focused I am.

My current job has me only working at the weekends now. Thats one thing I never wanted, to work at the weekends when everyone else is off. I went through my email the other day, and saw that I have been applying for jobs for almost 6 years. SIX YEARS, why cant I just stick with one thing. OH MY GOD.
It drives me crazy when my friends are earning 60-90,000 and im not even on 35000.

Look, there are loads more things I could talk about, but Im too tired for this.

Id appreciate anyone feedback.
Cheers

Mr.Boots

You will never ever be happy if you just chase money......What are you good at? What are your passions?

Dudess

I had the very same dream - to be a well known radio presenter. I learned that, unfortunately, life doesn't always work out the way you want it to - no matter how much you want it. It was difficult for me to accept this but once I did, it completely "freed" me. OP, you need to do the same. I'm not saying things won't happen for you (I'm still gonna persevere at my dream) but you've got to get on with your life too.

Miss Fluff

Go and see a career guidance counsellor

Overheal

Chasing money will destroy you. Happened to my Dad. Im not entirely sure what he really wanted to do, but it wasn't what he's at. When I was growing up it was plain to see, and even still, growing up he'd talk about how good the money would be if I became a doctor or a lawyer etc. etc. even though to me, pursuing such careers would be soul-destroying: working for the money - not caring for the task at hand.

In the end I chose Computer Games Development because thats just how I lived

Money isn't the only form of wealth OP. What do you value in life? Whom do you value in life?

St Bill

OP, maybe things were easier for you when you were at school....things landed in your lap, you never really had to work for them. So when you started working, you might've thought the same thing would happen. It didn't and ever since you've been stuck, like a rabbit caught in headlights. It's up to you to go out and get what you want, no-one else is going to do it for you (they're too busy doing it for themselves!!).
Forget about what's happened in the past, forget about your friends earning more than you because I think these things are holding you back too. It makes what you have to do seem huge and insurmountable, when really you have to take it small step by small step.
I was in a similar situation to you, and I used to look at the people around and wonder how they'd become so successful and happy in their lives. I eventually realised that it was up to me to get what I wanted out of life. (And on a side note, you might think your friends are successful and happy with nothing bothering them, but you never know what they're going through....grass is greener etc.)

DublinDilbert

hurtinside wrote: »

OH MY GOD.
It drives me crazy when my friends are earning 60-90,000 and im not even on 35000.

Look, there are loads more things I could talk about, but Im too tired for this.

Id appreciate anyone feedback.
Cheers

To be honest it seems like you need to find something you like doing work wise, i know maybe easier said than done....

if your friends are earning 60K -> 90K they are more than likely doing something they like doing, or at the very least something they are very good at...

LegacyUser

Funnily enough I'm the same age as the OP and feel the same way...i'm very interested in what replies are given here too.

But not so much this one:

Overheal wrote: »

In the end I chose Computer Games Development because
thats just how I lived

Don't see how that's relevant to the question at all and feels like they're rubbing it in the OP's face if you ask me

St Bill

Chialm down, chialm down (only works when said with Liverpool accent!). I think the poster was just using his own experience as an example

Grawns

30 is a horrible age and from my and my friends experiences it's at age 29 that you start to freak out about the future. Something to do with not being in your twenties focuses you on where you're going and where you want to be. Time for a 5 year plan. This way you don't have to do anyything drastic.

Where do you want to be at 35?
Better job where you have weekends off.
Enough money
Nice House, apartment whatever
Married to your girlfriend and starting a family or with someone else.

Maybe you need to go to go back to college to earn better money. Perhaps your GF will be supportive of this new ambitious you.

Anyway this happens to lots of people. It's called growing up!

Dudess

30 is only a horrible age if you think of it as such. I'm nearly 30 and couldn't give a hoot - the number of years I'm alive/the date of birth on my birth certificate doesn't define me as a person.
OP, you really should see a guidance counsellor or someone who can sort out your CV and emphasise your strengths and weaknesses. I can relate to you again because I was freelancing in radio for a while and getting very little work, making sod-all money. I couldn't take it any more after a year so I decided to throw in the towel, but then I had to start from scratch. I went to Premier Recruitment and they sat me down for a few hours going over what I'm good at, what I'm not good at, giving me CV tips etc. I went in that door feeling quite low in confidence due to the media thing not working out (I really didn't think I had anything else to offer and felt absolutely useless). I came out armed with a whole ton of qualities - albeit intangible ones but still greatly appreciated by employers.

newestUser

I'd agree that (to a certain extent) age is just a number. While age does make things a bit different, you can't live your life thinking that you must achieve a,b,c by age x,y,z. You'll end up settling for less. You'll end up in a job you hate (because you have to be earning a particular amount compared to people your age), or in a unhappy relationship (because it's late in the game, and no-one would have you now, and you wouldn't even know how to meet someone new, and you have to be married by 35 at the latest), or shagging a prostitute because you're the only 25 year old virgin in the world and you just want to get the process of losing your virginity over with, I could go on. Don't get hung up on what your peers are doing with their lives. We've all got our insecurities, you say you're in a 7 year relationship, there's plenty of people your age who've never been with a woman and who are tearing their hair out with frustration and anxiety. No-ones life is perfect. Be easy on yourself.

What Color is Your Parachute is a great book, it's the gold standard of career guidance/self help books. I highly recommend it.

MissThing

Get yourself a college bochure, start with the Open University which has flexible learning scheudules and see if anything appeals to you. Perhaps if you start to work towards a change in career your POV will change

So what if you've changed jobs frequently. I think people who change their circumstances are brave, rather than staying in their comfort zone. be wary of the next change though, you must combine challange with achievement in order to stay motivated.

When I was 29 I dreaded the big three O. Now 7 years on I couldn't give a toss. I started my degree at 34 and while i'm still searching for what I want to do i know I 'm on the right track.

Also, marriage isn't everything so don't feel you should do. Married people aren't always happy, money doesn't buy happiness, satisfaction does. Be proud of your achievements, cebrate yourself and your qualities, work towards reinventing yourself. Before you know it...you'll wonder why you stayed in your rut for so long.

Good luck
MT

Beruthiel

hurtinside wrote: »

Im 30 almost 31.

Welcome to the best decade of your life so far! It was for me anyway
Old enough to have gained a bit of maturity, young enough to do what ever the hell you want.
Seems to me you have the grounds to kick start yourself to a happier way of life. You have a job, you have a great g/f.
For me, happiness and health comes before money, every time. As long as you have enough to pay the bills who gives a toss what anyone else is making. Quit looking at others as a guide to what you should be doing.
Start making a serious effort to change jobs right now so you can get rid of working weekends. Focus on that until it's done.

Anyway, all this thinking and not having any direction in life is keeping me from marring her.

I still dont have a clue what track Im on. I dont have any focus or goals. Do you understand? I mean, I've had about 5 different jobs since I left school.

I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Does it really matter? Some of the most interesting people have no clue where they're going. Life is a journey, as long as we wander through it making it as happy as possible the job is done imo.
Instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on what you do have and take it from there.
Focus on your g/f, if you want to marry her, do it.
If you want to stop working weekends, change to another job. It doesn't have to be a particular job, just one where you don't work weekends. If you don't like it, move again.

WHAT IF? What if I never started seeing her 7 years ago? Where would I be now, would I be happier?

Regret, it gets you no where. There is nothing you can do about it. Today is your starting point, tomorrow is where you are going. Look forward, not back.
Buy your g/f a bunch of flowers, go home and tell her you love her.
Book a weekend away, ask her to marry you. Start your new life today and enjoy what you have.

mossyj

Hi M8,

Not sure if this helps but here goes....

I worked with a chap for about a year who gave me (what i think is) some very sound advice. somethin along the lines of this.....

ask youself what do you want most at this point in time, be it material or otherwise - dont say lots of money because the only reason people want lots of money is to acquire the things they want!

You will probably notice that your needs dont require as much money as you think you want to earn! ( unless you really really really want a top class ferrari, huge hse with pool etc etc etc....:) .


As for your relationship, its easy to say what IF! far away hills are always greener and all that stuff! Ive been with my G/f for 7 almost 8 years and ive had loads of WHAT IF moments but when i asked myself would i be happier with another person ive always came to the same conclusion - not a chance!

think of the things that make you most happy and let your life revolve around them but always make time for your g/f , family and friends!

aye

MissThing wrote: »

So what if you've changed jobs frequently. I think people who change their circumstances are brave, rather than staying in their comfort zone. be wary of the next change though, you must combine challange with achievement in order to stay motivated.

dont really aggree with that. From my experience, the people who frequently change jobs are the ones who are in the wrong industry to begin but are too scraed to go back to college to get a cert/diploma/degree in the industry they are interested in.

MissThing wrote: »

When I was 29 I dreaded the big three O. Now 7 years on I couldn't give a toss. I started my degree at 34 and while i'm still searching for what I want to do i know I 'm on the right track.
MT

that's bravery, going back to college mid thirties.

OP figure out what your passion is for, its probably something you do as a hobby. Look at a career in that. If you a passionate about your job, you will work harder in it, and end up moving up the ladder quicker, hence making more money. You may start off at lower pay, but ultimately you'll be happier.


a friend of mine for years worked all these part time jobs, market reseach, and handing out leaflets and all that. as a group we always thought he'd just be like that for years. then last year he got his act together. he always had a passion for photography so he opened his own photography business. he has gotten a name for himself and now has some well known names on his book. he works harder because for him it's not much of a chore, he's not rushing to get home at 5, he doesnt mind staying the extra time to get things done right.

just an example of how working with your passion, or interests can change things.

MissThing

aye wrote: »

that's bravery, going back to college mid thirties.

Not really, I worked full time and studied in the evening - anyone can do it, the hard thing is deciding what to do and THEN taking the plunge.

The upside though OP is that you have identified that you want to change, now its down to gathering information, making a choice and doing it. Exciting times ahead I'd say!
Let us know you you get on.

Marksie

MissThing wrote: »

When I was 29 I dreaded the big three O. Now 7 years on I couldn't give a toss. I started my degree at 34 and while i'm still searching for what I want to do i know I 'm on the right track.

I was similar, i decided at 33 to up sticks from a very good job and move country.
I took my opportunities while here and put myself through a masters.

At 43 i am now looking to do something else and am making plans in that direction.

Hell, 30 40 50 60. Its all relative and dependent on your outlook OP. if one doorway closes and other opens. But its all up to you to decide to take em.