Boyfriend's porn

Seoige

Using my boyfriends new computer this morning, saw that he'd been looking up some pretty hard core porn sites, not ok with this. How do I approach it with him??

The Real B-man

Seoige wrote: »

Using my boyfriends new computer this morning, saw that he'd been looking up some pretty hard core porn sites, not ok with this. How do I approach it with him??

What can ya do all men look at porn...

funloving

what's the problem with finding porn on your bf's computer??:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Its his choice to look at whatever he wants.
I've seen this question asked alot!

Shouldn't be an issue really, ask him about it if it bothers you.

Ruu_Old

Can I ask why you are not okay with it? Is he neglecting you and using the computer too often or something else?

tbh

firstly, decide what you want. Do you want him to stop looking at porn altogether? Decide what justification you have for asking him to do what you want him to do. Then present these reasons to him in as calm and neutral a way as you can. Once you start shouting: conversation over. Be prepared for him to choose porn over you.

Cuddlesworth

Seoige wrote: »

Using my boyfriends new computer this morning, saw that he'd been looking up some pretty hard core porn sites, not ok with this. How do I approach it with him??

There are a few types that go outside the bounds of taste and decency, but for the most part its harmless. Whats the problem here?

How Strange

Men look at porn. Accept it. Your brother, father, uncle, bf - they may all look at it.

Men are stimulated visually which is the reason that porn appeals to them. I found stuff that my bf was looking up on the pc once. I was a bit taken aback by the graphic nature of it but I realised that this is what they do in their private time and making an issue out of it would have been stupid on my part.

You may not like it but you won't change it so you just have to accept it.

t-ha

How is it harmless?!! He could pick up anything looking at those sites. Alot of people have tonnes of virus' and don't even know - especially if they don't use protection ...software. Next thing you know he sticks his USB key in your hub and BAM - you're infected!

the dee

A lot of people look at porn but I can see why the OP would not want her boyfriend to. I don't think it's unreasonable for her to ask him not to, or at least not to do it obviously. I have nothing against porn but I think out of respect for your partner you should not use it if you're in a relationship. Unless you want to use it together, that's a different story.

swiss

t-ha wrote:

Next thing you know he sticks his USB key in your hub and BAM - you're infected!

This is the funniest thing I've read today.

the dee

Also, OP, don't approach him and lay down the law. He hasn't really done anything wrong. Just ask him not to as it upsets you. Say 'I'd rather you didn't....' etc. I don't think it should become a major argument between the two of you.

af_thefragile

All guys look at porn to some extent... It doesn't matter if its hardcore or lesbian or soft or whatever... porn is porn. Many guys who have gf's watch it too. Its completely normal. You really shouldn't get yourself too bothered with it.

How Strange

the dee.... A lot of people look at porn but I can see why the OP would not want her boyfriend to. I don't think it's unreasonable for her to ask him not to, or at least not to do it obviously.

It was his pc so he is entitled to look up whatever he wants (within reason of course).

I have nothing against porn but I think out of respect for your partner you should not use it if you're in a relationship. Unless you want to use it together, that's a different story.

Hehehe, let me know how that goes for you. If a new bf agrees to that then a) he is lying to you or b) he's a total pushover (and is probably lying)

Really, that would be like a man telling his gf to stop buying shoes and clothes because now that they are in a relationship she has no need for these things.

Men and porn is a fact of adult life. Looking at porn is nothing to do with respect for your partner. They are poles apart. Men are stimulated visually and porn is an outlet for them. For alot of men, they look at hardcore porn because they get their kicks by looking at things they would never dream of asking their gf's to do. Men marry madonnas not whores as the saying goes.

As I said before, even the men in your family probably look at it. No-one is asking you to like it just accept it.

the dee

I'm not disagreeing that men like porn, men will look at porn, men enjoy porn. I do too. But my boyfriend seems to get by pretty happily without it (and I doubt he's looking behind my back because he has no computer and no tapes or mags hidden in our tiny flat.)

He watched some with his male friends one night, I didn't mind. My point is, no one needs to look at porn, and if she doesn't like him doing it, why can't she ask him to stop?

unklerosco

t-ha wrote: »

How is it harmless?!! He could pick up anything looking at those sites. Alot of people have tonnes of virus' and don't even know - especially if they don't use protection ...software. Next thing you know he sticks his USB key in your hub and BAM - you're infected!

Genius :D

Nevyn

Off topic and unhelpful posts will get you banned from this forum.
Read the charter and abide by the rules while posting.
Have a nice day
Thaedydal.

Mr. Incognito

It's only porn. totally normal for a guy. I was seeing my girlfriend long distance for a while and she even bought me some porn. It's like women and vibrators, keeps the urges satisfied and he's not straying.

Matthewthebig

How hardcore?

LegacyUser

this is a prime example of an ignorant girlfriend thinking that it is ok for her to decide what her boyfriend should be doing and just because she doesn't like it everyone should take on her views on the subject ususlly men look at these type of things to imagine usually what uptight girlsfriends don't allow

my girlfriend is uptight about some type of sex and as a result she dosen't care if i look at porn cause she knows i have a high sex drive like most men but ofcourse i don't try and hide it and as a result she would prefer to know rather than living in a fantasy world were she can say things like "my boyfriend dosen't do any thing like that ! oh god no and we don't talk about sex and of course sex is only once a week maybe and of course in the same position with the lights off thats is only right"

as you might of noticed i hate close minded people and people who don't believe in free will

sorry for ranting

Lux23

As long as its not with animals or children its nothing to worry about. Porn is all about fantasy and I don't think its right to try and curb a person in this way. Ignore it.

the dee

joe joe wrote: »

this is a prime example of an ignorant girlfriend thinking that it is ok for her to decide what her boyfriend should be doing and just because she doesn't like it everyone should take on her views on the subject ususlly men look at these type of things to imagine usually what uptight girlsfriends don't allow

my girlfriend is uptight about some type of sex and as a result she dosen't care if i look at porn cause she knows i have a high sex drive like most men but ofcourse i don't try and hide it and as a result she would prefer to know rather than living in a fantasy world were she can say things like "my boyfriend dosen't do any thing like that ! oh god no and we don't talk about sex and of course sex is only once a week maybe and of course in the same position with the lights off thats is only right"

as you might of noticed i hate close minded people and people who don't believe in free will

sorry for ranting

I don't think anyone is being as closed-minded as that. People can do what they want but in a relationship you should be trying to make yourself and your partner happy. Sometimes you need to compromise. My boyfriend didn't like me using a vibrator, so I don't use it anymore. I didn't think it was unreasonable of him to ask. Same with porn I think.

You only have rights until they interfere with the rights of others.

Marksie

OP: you looked on your bfriends computer and "accidentally" found sites. It was his computer and his alone.

What you are doing is projecting your insecurities on him.

Lets face it because he is on a diet he can look at someone eating a mars bar.
He may enjoy watching someone eating the mars bar, but it wont necessarily mean he buys a pack.

Lets also face it, the wrong word on a google search and the [porn sites flood through.

Next: have you ever broached the subject with him before? If not then its a bit late to be kicking up now.

Now, did your bfriend know you were going to use his computer? If he did and didnt delete anything then he thought it wouldn't be an issue.
if he didn't then how are you going to explain the fact you used it? Plus dont you have to be actively looking around to find the history ?

louisecm

I have absolutely no problem with porn, and don't really understand why many women do, but that is neither here nor there in terms of advising you on your scenario.

I think you should try to have a calm discussion about it. Come to it with as open a mind as possible and maybe he can explain what it is about it he likes etc. You may find out that its actually really harmless, and what he gets out of looking at porn has absolutely nothing to do with his relationship with you.

However, if you pull down the shutter now and decide that porn=evil then you have a problem because guys who don't enjoy porn are few and far between so you may find yourself either forced to accept it or lied to for the rest of your life.

Cathmandooo

I dont think you should be complaining about this at all. Personally I'd be much happier that my boyfriend is using porn rather than fantasising about someone else that he knows or worse still cheating on me. We have to be realistic that a partner might not always fulfil every sexual need that a person has. Think of it as something that makes him happy and keeps him content. There's nothing wrong with it.

Seoige

Thanks for the advice, I'm not uptight or ignorant, just wasn't sure how to approach him about it.

Thanks

Sam Vimes

Marksie wrote: »

Lets also face it, the wrong word on a google search and the [porn sites flood through.

this is true. i was looking for a device that would allow my cat to enter and leave the house without me opening the door for her the whole time and i googled "pussy cat flaps". you wouldn't believe what i got back :eek:



OP, men look at porn. simple as. doesn't mean he doesn't love you and unless he can't perform because he's spent the last few hours on his own in the computer room, it shouldn't be a problem. there shouldn't be any reason for you to approach him

LivingDeadGirl

Have you ever watched it with him? You might both enjoy it.

Nevyn

Seoige wrote: »

Thanks for the advice, I'm not uptight or ignorant, just wasn't sure how to approach him about it.

Thanks

why do you feel the need to approach him about it ?

Miss Fluff

Commander Vimes wrote: »

this is true. i was looking for a device that would allow my cat to enter and leave the house without me opening the door for her the whole time and i googled "pussy cat flaps". you wouldn't believe what i got back :eek:

Erm but ROFL x 10:D

OP, take a step back here. What exactly is the issue. If a man says he doesn't love porn then his auntie would have balls and he'd call her uncle. All men undulge in porn. Fact. It was on his PC, it's hardly intruding on the day-to-day dynamics of your relationship. As someone said, why do you feel the need to talk to him about it? It's a free country and a bit of porn is pretty harmless. It's a healthy interest to have and it might be worth your while checking some out for yourself.

For the record, the dee if a BF told me to stop using a vibrator he'd be getting a kick in the goolies.

Nevyn

Miss Fluff advocating volience will get you banned from this forum.

Miss Fluff

Sorry about that Thaed, it was a typo, I meant "lick" not "kick"

LegacyUser

My only issue with porn, is when a man has seen too much porn perhaps too early in life, and he expects me to look and behave like a porn star.

One guy I dated told he he had shaved his pubic hair, and I guess I figured that's what he wanted me to do... I had really never considered it, nor imagined it. Pubic hair is what happened when I hit puberty, it shows I look grown up, so I'm keeping it kthnx.

I'm also traumatized by Dan Savage's columns, he kind of set a minimum standard of how you should behave in bed, but everyone's different, and likes different things, people shouldn't be browbeaten if they only like the missionary position.

Overheal

It depends on what he was looking at: all guys look at porn. Most guys keep porn. Its just what we do. We have crazy sex drives - women can go years without ever having so much as a rub. Guys? not so much...

I wouldnt worry - if its not something lewd you're fine. I consider lewd to be porn about things like Rape/Beastiality/Peadophilia/Killing/Necrophilia/etc. If you're worried about him watching a spit-roast and some leather and whips, then I lol in your general direction.

Alternatively you could look at come of the porn he keeps with an open mind and see if you wanna try some of it with him.

goodlad

Unreg928734 wrote: »

My only issue with porn, is when a man has seen too much porn perhaps too early in life, and he expects me to look and behave like a porn star.

One guy I dated told he he had shaved his pubic hair, and I guess I figured that's what he wanted me to do... I had really never considered it, nor imagined it. Pubic hair is what happened when I hit puberty, it shows I look grown up, so I'm keeping it kthnx.

I'm also traumatized by Dan Savage's columns, he kind of set a minimum standard of how you should behave in bed, but everyone's different, and likes different things, people shouldn't be browbeaten if they only like the missionary position.

Wtf has that to do with this thread? :eek:

On topic, i have to also wonder why you feel that the porn is a problem. Perhaps you didnt realise that 90% of guys look at porn. Its nothing bad unless for some crazy reason he prefers the porn to the real thing.
As has been said before a lot of guys watch porn caus they get off on seeing positions etc.. that there not gonna get to do themselves. Its nothing to worry about, porn is healthy

Edit : what you could do is say nothing to your bf about finding the porn, when you get the pc again take a look at the sites and maybe see some stuff he was looking at that you wouldnt do for him then give it a shot. You could turn you finding his porn into a sweet opportunity for the bedroom time

the dee

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Erm but ROFL x 10:D

For the record, the dee if a BF told me to stop using a vibrator he'd be getting a lick in the goolies.

I didn't mind. I thought it was harmless but he didn't like it so I stopped using it. Just like watching porn is harmless but if he asked me not to, or I asked him not, it'd be ok.

We can live without it.

estar

Seoige wrote: »

Using my boyfriends new computer this morning, saw that he'd been looking up some pretty hard core porn sites, not ok with this. How do I approach it with him??

or beating people up then its fairly normal for men to be curious

its a fantasy and not preferable to the real thing for most men

if its really dis-tasteful but not illegal then maybe buy him some more tasteful types of porn for
christmas.

estar

advise him that that isnt healthy

or attractive and that you came across it by accident and it made
you feel uneasy and that he should stop immediately.

it really depends on what you define as hardcore.

i think hardcore means animals, children, unconsenting adults,
inflicting pain or other such unsavoury and disgusting activities.
i would immediately dump anyone who enjoyed viewing this
and if it was serious enough consider reporting them to the
police.

LoanShark

swiss wrote: »

This is the funniest thing I've read today.

I second That:D

LoanShark

He was only Looking at Porn.. We are men we do those sort of things... Believe it or not..:eek: To be quite honest it does get boring after a while:(
If what he was looking at was'nt anything illeagal then let it slide.. As somebody else said Women buy shoes Men look at porn.. and you will find the latter is still less expensive..And you want to take that away from us???..I'm going to pub!:p Unless that is bad for me too:eek:....

Nevyn

No, hard core means anything with an erect penis in it.
Soft core will not show an erection.
Hard core is in fact illegal in this country to by or sell except for certain loop holes.

Unconsenting adults, animals and children in porn is illegal.

Bondgage, sadomachocism, dominant , submissive and abusive is not illegal.

K_P

While I'm sure 99% of men look at porn, if it makes the OP uncomfortable, she has every right to bring it up with her boyfriend. I don't think it's the kind of thing that should be a deal breaker nor something that OP's boyfriend should be made to feel guilty about. He hasn't exactly done anything wrong. But why is the consensus here to make the OP feel like she's "ignorant" or "uptight" just because hardcore porn makes her feel uncomfortable?

joe joe wrote: »

just because she doesn't like it everyone should take on her views on the subject

No, of course not. But just because she doesn't like it doesn't make her opinion invalid.

Another poster, can't remember who (sorry) said that the OP should be prepared for her boyfriend to choose the porn over her. I suppose it's quite possible that could happen. But how on earth could that be mentioned without someone pointing out what an absolute idiot of a man he would be to choose pictures and videos on a computer screen over a genuine relationship.

(PS - Why do I get the feeling I should have prefaced this post with that awful phrase "I'm not a prude..... but.....")

Nightwish

I cant see why girlfriends would have an issue with their other half looking at porn. Unless he's looking at some disturbing stuff, or if he's neglecting you in favour of porn, what exactly is wrong? I used to d'load porn for my bf before he had the internet, for when I was away at college, and it kept him happy!

Toots

I agree, if it keeps him happy and he still pays attention to you, what's the problem? How hardcore is hardcore? I have no probs with my bf watching porn, but if i found out it was something with children/animals/violence or something a bit freaky, I'd be a concerned.

The only thing I've asked is that he doesn't download anything, cos the laptop is mine and I don't want porn being stored on it, or viruses getting in! Seeing as your bf was watching it on his own laptop, I can't see why you should confront him about it, it's none of your business. What I would suggest is that maybe you look at porn together, then you could see the sorts of things he likes and maybe find something you both enjoy doing together.

Ellsbells

the dee wrote: »

no one needs to look at porn, and if she doesn't like him doing it, why can't she ask him to stop?

Cos its a free country and since when did you have to give up innocent passtimes just because you are in a relationship... Whats the next step - I dont like your friends will you stop seeing them???

Come on... This is why some men fear committment cos they are afriad the gf will tighten the screws as soon as they do.

Latchy

Documentry on c4 last night ' porn addiction ' estimates that 5 million men in the uk look at porn every day on computers either at work or at home or both , 5 million ? :eek:.

Geographical boundries aside i would imagine a fair % of those 5 million men (including gays/bisexual ) are living in ROI/NI .

old boy

i assume he is over 18, why did you go thro his pc, them things are personal,

passive

Unreg928734 My only issue with porn, is when a man has seen too much porn perhaps too early in life, and he expects me to look and behave like a porn star.

One guy I dated told he he had shaved his pubic hair, and I guess I figured that's what he wanted me to do... I had really never considered it, nor imagined it. Pubic hair is what happened when I hit puberty, it shows I look grown up, so I'm keeping it kthnx.

I don't really know about the thread in general, having mixed feelings on porn and kinda wishing I didn't look at it/having vague ideological opposition to it, while agreeing that people should be allowed, but on this particular point; erm... do you shave your armpits/legs?

Not that you should be under any pressure whatsoever to shave your netherregions ("shaved" being rather icky, in my humble opinion), but your reasoning is a bit weak... Girls & boys do lots of things that go against the way their body naturally grows&sprouts stuff for the sake of aesthetics and em... in this case... lickability... a bit of neatness never hurt anyone.

Zirconia

K_P wrote: »

While I'm sure 99% of men look at porn, if it makes the OP uncomfortable, she has every right to bring it up with her boyfriend. I don't think it's the kind of thing that should be a deal breaker nor something that OP's boyfriend should be made to feel guilty about. He hasn't exactly done anything wrong. But why is the consensus here to make the OP feel like she's "ignorant" or "uptight" just because hardcore porn makes her feel uncomfortable?

Because he is not forcing her to look at it! It only makes her uncomfortable because she is seeing it when snooping around and invading his privacy. If she dosen't like it, she should leave him to have this activity as something in his own personal time.

If it was my partner asking me not to do something like this, I certainly would not be happy to comply with her wishes. I'd be more likely to question the relationship. I certainly wouldn't stop doing it. Luckily for me, I don't have to hide things like this from my partner, tbh I think she'd be more worried if I didn't want to look at it.

Sangre

Unreg928734 wrote: »

One guy I dated told he he had shaved his pubic hair, and I guess I figured that's what he wanted me to do... I had really never considered it, nor imagined it. Pubic hair is what happened when I hit puberty, it shows I look grown up, so I'm keeping it kthnx.

No doubt you don't shave, pluck or wax anywhere else on your body. I'm sure you insist your boyfriend never shaves his beard, how else are you going to know he is an adult?

humbert

Well resisting the urge to follow the example of the PI mods and berate the OP for not being sexually liberal enough to be fine with her bf looking at porn with she finds a little extreme I'll address the OP's request.

I think if you're not too condemning and keep it a little light hearted your bf will probably not be too unwilling to discuss it, especially if you approach it with the intention of reaching a mutual understanding instead of telling him why it's wrong!