Girls...would it put you off

A Primal Nut

I met this girl couple of weeks ago in a club and was with her the rest of the night till we both went home seperately. She's 18, I'm couple of years older. Got her number. Was texting her the next few days and I was about to ask her to come out with me but she initiated it and said i should meet her and her friends who were going out that night. Anyway she was late but I didn't care coz I carried on the night as normal with my friends (learned from experience not to put too much hope on one girl). Eventually I assumed she wasn't comin so I moved on somewhere else. Just after I got to the next place she text me saying she was in the previous place. So she left and came up to meet me - so she was clearly very interested at this point. Her friends started checking to make sure I was ok for her, saying she really liked me and I better treat her well, but that I seemed nice to them so they were happy. Anyway we were doing some suggestive dancing on the dancefloor; lets just say she was doing everything she could to turn me on!! Everything suggested she was very interested at that point.

So at the end of the night, I was a bit drunk and I had such a good night and I was turned on and all the rest of it; so, because I'm fairly direct anyway I asked her to come home with me (don't like playing games). She said she'd think about it. Anyway we hung around for a while, still kissing and all that and having a laugh and eventually she went off to stay in her friends house and I went home. No problem!

Except I haven't spoken to her since. She just doesn't reply/answer phone. Its annoying coz I liked her. So just wondering; did I **** up by asking her to come home with me; I certainly didn't just want her for sex i was happy either way; but I could see she might think that or that I thought she was easy. Just curious what people think because i can't think of anything else that might have went wrong. Although I've had girls change their mind at the drop of a hat so......

K_P

It's hard to say really as I'm sure different people would take such a question in a different way. Personally, if it was a guy I really liked and had spent the night "suggestively" dancing with, I wouldn't see your question as being in any way out of line.

As long as you weren't putting pressure on her to go back to yours, I don't see what the problem would be.

Black Swan

A Primal Nut wrote: »

Except I haven't spoken to her since. She just doesn't reply/answer phone. Its annoying coz I liked her. So just wondering; did I **** up by asking her to come home with me; I certainly didn't just want her for sex i was happy either way; but I could see she might think that or that I thought she was easy. Just curious what people think because i can't think of anything else that might have went wrong. Although I've had girls change their mind at the drop of a hat so......

She obviously did not want a one-nighter (or that kind of start for a relationship). Aside from that, you really don't know her. How could you in such a short time? So it's anyone's guess what happened, but it does not look promising, to say the least. You don't have to play games, but a little more sensitivity (and less booze) might help when you meet another?

MagicMarker

Well, you certainly ruined your chances bud. Didn't you know? ''Nice'' lads don't do that sort of thing.

Fair play to her though.

A Primal Nut

MagicMarker wrote: »

Well, you certainly ruined your chances bud. Didn't you know? ''Nice'' lads don't do that sort of thing.

Fair play to her though.

They don't?? Why not? So if a hot girl comes onto a nice lad, he'd rather go home and tear the handle out of his stomach then initiate something with her? How does it make him nicer than anyone else?

I'd say fair play to her if she was honest and talked to me; if she said that I came on too strong or even that she decided I was ugly. But I hate being ignored. And girls say guys never communicate properly? Hmm

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

She obviously did not want a one-nighter (or that kind of start for a relationship). Aside from that, you really don't know her. How could you in such a short time? So it's anyone's guess what happened, but it does not look promising, to say the least. You don't have to play games, but a little more sensitivity (and less booze) might help when you meet another?

Well, it was a nightclub we were in but neither of us were drunk or anything. I would have said it even if I was 100% sober. But yeah, I guess more sensitivity was in order, thanks for the reply. In fairness, I've been with girls before who thought I didn't initiate things enough; they generally don't make the moves themselves so they want the man to do it and are disappointed if he doesn't. But its hard to know what the other person wants sometimes. I obviously misread the situation but a bit harsh to stop talking to me, I thought. Oh well. I'll contact her again in a couple of days anyway. Should I apologise? Or say I regret it. Or just not mention it?

K_P

How long ago was this? If it was a few days ago maybe she's playing hard to get, and however strong she was coming on I can understand her not wanting to go back to yours on the first date. It doesn't explain her not responding to calls or texts though.

If it was a few weeks ago, she's probably not interested for whatever reason.

Dord

I think you were a bit foolish to make that suggestion to her, especially if you were genuinely interested in her and not just getting her into the sack asap.

Maybe she'll come around shortly and reply to your texts/calls, maybe not. Your suggestion may have disgusted her. Who knows, except for the woman herself!

Sleepy

You did nothing wrong asking her to come home with you. If she'd a problem with it, she's either too childish / too busy using sex as a weapon in some form of game to be bothered with...

Dazrd

She wasnt necessarily disgusted by your suggestion but her friends may have been...... girls talk her friends probably told her you were only after one thing, if your really interested in the girl suck it up and apologise but be prepared to be given the cold shoulder by her mates for a while.

humbert

I'd say it had sod all to do with your suggestion and everything to do with the fact she's a teenaged girl.

Jack Vegas

MagicMarker wrote: »

Well, you certainly ruined your chances bud. Didn't you know? ''Nice'' lads don't do that sort of thing.

Fair play to her though.

A bit hastey with that judgement I think! Someone obviously got out on the wrong side of the bed.

zuchum

I reckon she's 15

Miss Fluff

Dazrd wrote: »

She wasnt necessarily disgusted by your suggestion but her friends may have been...... girls talk her friends probably told her you were only after one thing, if your really interested in the girl suck it up and apologise but be prepared to be given the cold shoulder by her mates for a while.

Yes, I can imagine that her and her 18-year old mates sat around taking about you and came to the conclusion you are only after one thing. Depends how much pressure you put on her. Phone her and apologise, say you came on too strong, and ask her to hook up again. If all goes to plan, pretend you don't have a willy for time being, she'll be begging you for it no time.

SoCute

A Primal Nut wrote: »

I met this girl couple of weeks ago in a club and was with her the rest of the night till we both went home seperately. She's 18, I'm couple of years older.

Nice!

A Primal Nut wrote: »

Got her number. Was texting her the next few days and I was about to ask her to come out with me but she initiated it and said i should meet her and her friends who were going out that night. Anyway she was late but I didn't care coz I carried on the night as normal with my friends (learned from experience not to put too much hope on one girl).

Good.

A Primal Nut wrote: »

Eventually I assumed she wasn't comin so I moved on somewhere else. Just after I got to the next place she text me saying she was in the previous place. So she left and came up to meet me - so she was clearly very interested at this point. Her friends started checking to make sure I was ok for her, saying she really liked me and I better treat her well, but that I seemed nice to them so they were happy. Anyway we were doing some suggestive dancing on the dancefloor; lets just say she was doing everything she could to turn me on!! Everything suggested she was very interested at that point.

She clearly liked you and went out with the intention of meeting you. You did great by befriending her friends and gaining their approval, it's key. Now that you were socially accepted, she became free to hook up with you. She enjoyed dancing with you and probably had a great time.

A Primal Nut wrote: »

So at the end of the night, I was a bit drunk and I had such a good night and I was turned on and all the rest of it; so, because I'm fairly direct anyway I asked her to come home with me (don't like playing games). She said she'd think about it. Anyway we hung around for a while, still kissing and all that and having a laugh and eventually she went off to stay in her friends house and I went home. No problem!

This is a problem, it's actually THE problem.

She was interested in you and you were interested in her. I appreciate that you are a direct person and that is a great quality to have that most other people don't have. However, the mistake was made here when you directly asked her to come back with you. Even though she probably WANTED TO, you cannot verballise it. You made it obvious that if she went back with you she was going back FOR SEX. That doesn't work most of the time.

What you need to do in this instance is provide a reason for her to come back with you. I just brought a girl back from a club last night and what I said to her was, "Have you ever been to South Africa? I have great pictures from there, you should see them!" and back she came. Any excuse works really. The common one I use is to come back for a party or, a funny one, "to see my Meditteranean Goldfish, have you ever seen one?!". haaa. You get the point though. Any excuse works. Basically it's all subtext here. You know and she knows that you're going back for sex, but you CANNOT verbalise it because it makes her feel cheap and like a sl*t.

How do I know that any excuse works? Because I've had girls over several times and NOT had sex with them for a few reasons, (Couldn't get it up, not in the mood etc) and I remember one particular time when I just said to her, "I don't want to have sex". She replied, "So why did you bring me home then?".

Ehh... for that "party" I was on about. Remember that? That's WHY you said you'd come back

See, it doesn't matter, it's just an excuse!

A Primal Nut wrote: »

Except I haven't spoken to her since. She just doesn't reply/answer phone. Its annoying coz I liked her. So just wondering; did I **** up by asking her to come home with me; I certainly didn't just want her for sex i was happy either way; but I could see she might think that or that I thought she was easy. Just curious what people think because i can't think of anything else that might have went wrong. Although I've had girls change their mind at the drop of a hat so......

You said you didn't like playing games, well if you want the girl, you've got to learn how to play the game man. The only mistake you made that I can see was being so direct about her coming home with you. Now, YOU KNOW THIS and you have the solution. There is no harm in trying to contact her (only ring her) but I would rather focus on new women rather than engage in damage control. Be careful not to get too attached to an 18 year old too.

Good luck!

panda100

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Aside from that, you really don't know her. How could you in such a short time?

Here here.
Why do you like this girl who is being rude not replying to your texts?You've spoken to her twice both when drinking only for a few hours,she leaves you waiting,is being all cryptic?This doesnt sound like the start to a healthy,fulfilling,loving relationship. Just forget her Id say,you've done nothing wrong!Dont beat yourself up about it

Seraphina

tbh, i think for a start, while she's 18 and technically an adult and was dancing suggestively with you and all that jazz, you probably did scare her off a bit with the whole 'come back to mine' bit.

i know whenever i've been asked that by a guy, often i will want to go back with him because he seems nice and i'd like to get to know him better/have a few more drinks/fool around but not neccesarily have sex that night. however, when a guy asks you something like that, it seems responding with a yes implies you're definitely up for it, and may have made her feel a little under pressure for something she may not have been ready for.

also, there's a good chance she looks older than she actually is, and is lying about her age, because a lot of girls do that, obviously she has to be at least 18 to get into the pub/nightclub so she's gonna tell you that.

just phone her and apologise for maybe coming on a little strong but that you liked her and wanted to get to know her better or whatever. or if she's not answering calls just text once, apologise and ask her out again. if she doesn't respond just forget it, teenage girls are fickle anyway.

LegacyUser

the two mistakes you are making:

1. you're trying to read her mind. don't bother because you will NEVER understand the female mind

2. just call her and arrange to meet her during the daytime - maybe for coffee or something. tell her what you're feeling

stop this texting nonsense because it's a lousy way to communicate.

KrazeeEyezKilla

You probably should just forget about her, it's not like you were aggresive towards her or anything and there's nothing worse than a girl who is all over you one day and ignoring you the next.

I'd also be very careful about anyone claiming to be 18.

Susannahmia

Would definatly turn me off. Sorry no offence. One of my rules is that if they ask for sex when we aren't in a relationship their probally not interested in getting serious/ not a nice guy/ not on the same wave length as me/ think I'm easy etc. It's a self protection mechanism really. I've seen too many girls get used and am not interested in one night stands. But thats just me.

Ellsbells

imred wrote: »

Would definatly turn me off. Sorry no offence. One of my rules is that if they ask for sex when we aren't in a relationship their probally not interested in getting serious/ not a nice guy/ not on the same wave length as me/ think I'm easy etc. It's a self protection mechanism really. I've seen too many girls get used and am not interested in one night stands. But thats just me.

+1

AARRRGH

Forget the "you scared her off by asking her home" responses.

If that is the case, she's a child so you're better off forgetting about her.

More likely I'm thinking it's that she met someone else or she has a boyfriend.

Anyway there are loads of women out there, so just forget about her and move on.

Seraphina

dublindude wrote: »

Forget the "you scared her off by asking her home" responses.

If that is the case, she's a child so you're better off forgetting about her.

in case you missed the part in the OP where it said she was 18, she may be legally an adult but still basically a child and not very experienced with adult relationships. hell she could still be virgin for all he knows!

A Primal Nut

Seraphina wrote: »

tbh, i think for a start, while she's 18 and technically an adult and was dancing suggestively with you and all that jazz, you probably did scare her off a bit with the whole 'come back to mine' bit.


also, there's a good chance she looks older than she actually is, and is lying about her age, because a lot of girls do that, obviously she has to be at least 18 to get into the pub/nightclub so she's gonna tell you that.

KrazeeEyezKilla wrote: »

I'd also be very careful about anyone claiming to be 18.

I know she's 18; its not that big a deal; im only 20 so what am I supposed to do, go for girls who are older than me just to make sure? Her age isn't an issue.

tomtomclub wrote: »

the two mistakes you are making:

1. you're trying to read her mind. don't bother because you will NEVER understand the female mind

2. just call her and arrange to meet her during the daytime - maybe for coffee or something. tell her what you're feeling

stop this texting nonsense because it's a lousy way to communicate.

I rang her first but she didn't answer so I text her.

SoCute wrote: »

This is a problem, it's actually THE problem.

She was interested in you and you were interested in her. I appreciate that you are a direct person and that is a great quality to have that most other people don't have. However, the mistake was made here when you directly asked her to come back with you. Even though she probably WANTED TO, you cannot verballise it. You made it obvious that if she went back with you she was going back FOR SEX. That doesn't work most of the time.

What you need to do in this instance is provide a reason for her to come back with you. I just brought a girl back from a club last night and what I said to her was, "Have you ever been to South Africa? I have great pictures from there, you should see them!" and back she came. Any excuse works really. The common one I use is to come back for a party or, a funny one, "to see my Meditteranean Goldfish, have you ever seen one?!". haaa. You get the point though. Any excuse works. Basically it's all subtext here. You know and she knows that you're going back for sex, but you CANNOT verbalise it because it makes her feel cheap and like a sl*t.

How do I know that any excuse works? Because I've had girls over several times and NOT had sex with them for a few reasons, (Couldn't get it up, not in the mood etc) and I remember one particular time when I just said to her, "I don't want to have sex". She replied, "So why did you bring me home then?".

Ehh... for that "party" I was on about. Remember that? That's WHY you said you'd come back

See, it doesn't matter, it's just an excuse!



You said you didn't like playing games, well if you want the girl, you've got to learn how to play the game man. The only mistake you made that I can see was being so direct about her coming home with you. Now, YOU KNOW THIS and you have the solution. There is no harm in trying to contact her (only ring her) but I would rather focus on new women rather than engage in damage control. Be careful not to get too attached to an 18 year old too.

Good luck!

Someone's been reading their mystery method lately.

I know more about that stuff than anyone and I've tried it before but heat of the moment I just said what I did. Didn't think she'd stop talking to me over it!! Besides, if I suggested a party her friends would have came too. And there would have been no party.:p

Anyway, doesn't matter; nice to hear a female opinion on this.

stratospheres

How do you know for sure she's 18?
I know of plenty of 15/q6 yr old girls who look older than me (I'm 19) and get into clubs no problem.

I'd say she has a boyfriend/didn't fancy you that much/is a virgin

Something like that anyway...

Seraphina

A Primal Nut wrote: »

I know she's 18; its not that big a deal; im only 20 so what am I supposed to do, go for girls who are older than me just to make sure? Her age isn't an issue.

sorry but my sister just turned 18, and frankly the idea that some 20 year old guy might invite her home scares the crap out of me, because she is still so immature in many ways, but thinks quite the opposite of herself and might try to prove it...

2 years can make a whole lot of difference in maturity, you've prob been through/are in college, she could still be in school (i turned 18 just as i started 6th year)

Ellsbells

In fairness to her, she knew that she would be out of her depth having a one night stand with you... There are still some old-fashioned, innocent 18 years out there (thank God) and the fact that she could not tell you and has not replied is down to immaturity....

In your favour, at least you were honest with her upfront about what you wanted.... I suggest move on and continue to be honest with girls as you meet them but when you are dealing with teenagers, expect the same reaction again.

As an aside, I am going to sound like such a granny but I am horrified that 18 year olds are having one night stands.....

Lollipops23

If the asking her back to yours part was what scared her,she's obviously naive and immature(though she is only 18). You were drunk and horny(from all the sexy dancing) and were really into her.Not that she should have felt obliged to go home with you,but she definately shouldn't ignore you because of it.

AARRRGH

18 year olds are still kids. 21 year olds are still kids.

I don't think any 18 year olds are mentally ready for sex.

OP: She's ignoring you. She obviously wants you to go away. The sooner you accept this the sooner you can get on with your life!

awesom-o

dublindude wrote: »

OP: She's ignoring you. She obviously wants you to go away. The sooner you accept this the sooner you can get on with your life!

+1

And even if you do get to talk to her your going to have to do your best not to sound desperate and desperation is a stinky, stinky cologne.

A Primal Nut

Seraphina wrote: »

sorry but my sister just turned 18, and frankly the idea that some 20 year old guy might invite her home scares the crap out of me, because she is still so immature in many ways, but thinks quite the opposite of herself and might try to prove it...

2 years can make a whole lot of difference in maturity, you've prob been through/are in college, she could still be in school (i turned 18 just as i started 6th year)

Nah she's in second year of college.

Don't know why people keep going on about the age thing - even people who say they're 22 could look 16 mostly you just have to trust her. In this case i found out for sure.

Its no big deal , im not obsessed with her - just wanted to know for future reference if it could be seen as a problem.

King of Kings

MagicMarker wrote: »

Well, you certainly ruined your chances bud. Didn't you know? ''Nice'' lads don't do that sort of thing.

Fair play to her though.

don't mind this type of advice.
most girls like to be asked back even if they have no intention of going.

i reckon she just isn't interested and the asking back had sod all to do with it,

and honestly would you want to go out with a girl who took offense to something like that?

kermitdfrog

Forget the "you scared her off by asking her home" responses.

If that is the case, she's a child so you're better off forgetting about her.

I'd go along with this. All those making out your the bad one for overestimating her maturity are missing the point. You're at a certain point, if she's not, then it's no-one's "fault", it just is what it is. If she ignores you asa result, that's HER issue, not yours, and, again, that's not an issue.

I'm not sure that that IS the issue anyway - it's not like she got turned off you straight away or anything, and you said you stayed together kissing and talking afterwards. I wouldn't worry about it, could be any number of different things have happened since (no point making suggestions like some have as to what it was, could be anything).

Leave her alone, if she wants to contact you again, she will, and if she doesn't, so be it.

thebiggestjim

tomtomclub wrote: »

the two mistakes you are making:

1. you're trying to read her mind. don't bother because you will NEVER understand the female mind

2. just call her and arrange to meet her during the daytime - maybe for coffee or something. tell her what you're feeling

stop this texting nonsense because it's a lousy way to communicate.

+1

KrazeeEyezKilla

Nah she's in second year of college.

Don't know why people keep going on about the age thing - even people who say they're 22 could look 16 mostly you just have to trust her. In this case i found out for sure.

Fair enough, I'm 22 and and most people say I look about 18.

I was assuming you were taking her word for it.

A Primal Nut

KrazeeEyezKilla wrote: »

Fair enough, I'm 22 and and most people say I look about 18.

I was assuming you were taking her word for it.

No bother!

Yeah im guessing she just lost interest no big deal just disappointing tbh.

BraziliaNZ

some of the replies here are unbelieveable!! You were by no means out of line asking that, especially if she was being suggestive etc. It's 2007 for christ's sake, what sort of guy WOULDN'T ask her to come home? If she holds that against you, you're better off without her. And stay away from teenage girls, they're pretty much children in adult's bodies really...