Dirty Dittys

mickrourke

Anybody remember those dirty dittys or kiddies rhymes we all used to sing when kneehigh to a grasshopper?

I remember the Popeye the sailor man series

such as:

Popeye the sailor man,
Lives in a caravan,
he opened the door and fell through the floor,
thats popeye the sailor man

A rude version

Popeye the sailor man,
Opened a pot of jam,
The jam was so sticky it stuck to his mickey,
thats popeye the sailor man

The Diarrohea song
Diarrohea, (**snort, snort**)
I looked up in the sky, something fell in my eye,
Diarrohea, (**snort, snort**)
When your running through the jungle and you hear a distant rumble,
Diarrohea, (**snort, snort**)

Anymore?

gerky

Old king cole was a merry old soul
A merry old soul was he
He sat on a rock with a hollow to his c***
And his b***s hanging down to the sea

The things you remember

mickrourke

Or even christmassy

Tis the season to be jolly, tra la la la la.... la la la la
Stuff the turkeys hole with holly, tra la la la la.... la la la la

Davedubh

Popeye the sailer man,lived in a caravan.He turned on the gas and blew up his ass,popeye the sailer man.

Moro23

my brother billy had a 10 foot willy
he showed it to the girl next door
she thought it was a snake
and hit it with a rake
and now its only 6 foot 4

Ruu_Old

Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin flew away, the Bat mobile had lost his wheel and Robin something something.. Best I could do.

Moro23

batman and robin in the batmobile
robin left a fart and blew of all the wheels
the brakes wouldn't work
the engine wouldn't start
all because robin
left a supersonic fart.

earlyevening

Popeye the sailor man,
he lives in a caravan,
there's a hole in the middle
so he can do his piddle,
he's popeye the sailor man.

Firetrap

There was also this little ditty, sung to the tune of this tune by Mozart. I'm spelling this phonetically - it was all in the way we sang them

A sole
A sole
A soldier I will be

To piss
To piss
Two pistols on my knee

Fight for the old cnut
Fight for the old cnut
Fight for the old country

F*ck ure
F*ck ure
For curiousity

cazzy

Mary had a little lamb
She fell upon a pilon
Ten thousand voults went up her ar$e
And turned her wool to nylon

trout

I can still recite, word for word, the Sad Tale of Young Millie Knox.


It is far too disgusting to repeat here ... there may be children present.

I'll give you a hint ... the second line is "She gave ten thousand men the pox". :eek:

ntlbell

it wasn't the grass that tiddled your a$$ it was my finger...

i stuck it up and took it down it was brown and i let it linger

WindSock

Do your balls hang low
Do they dangle to and fro
Can you tie 'em in a knot
Can you tie 'em in a bow
Can you put them on your shoulder
Like a regimental soldier
Oh you'll never be a sailor
If your balls hang low

Or something to that affect.

I used to know loads of Mary had a little lambs and popeye ones, but I forget them now.

cazzy

WindSock wrote: »

Do your balls hang low
Do they dangle to and fro
Can you tie 'em in a knot
Can you tie 'em in a bow
Can you put them on your shoulder
Like a regimental soldier
Oh you'll never be a sailor
If your balls hang low

Or something to that affect.

QUOTE]

I have a singing ER (of Winnie the Pooh fame) which sings a song very similar to the one above (and it moves) except its :
Do your ears hang low
Do they wiggle too and flo
Can you tie them in a knot
Can you tie them in a bow

Do you ears hang low

I will never look at ER the same way now after your poem

Archeron

Mary had a little lamb,
it gambled round in hops.
It gambled on the road one day,
and ended up as chops.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack got Jill behind the hill,
and now they have a daughter.

And of course:
There was an old woman of 64,
Barney Boo,

Anyone remember all of that? It involved a very well travelled fart if i remember correctly.

mickrourke

Ruu wrote: »

Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin flew away, the Bat mobile had lost his wheel and Robin something something.. Best I could do.

Let me finish that for you Ruu

Robin laid an egg

On another christmassy note

"Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to ride a woman in the hay"

I always wondered what that meant when i was younger,
and i still do.

H.O.T.A.S.

B-Side version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Jesus Christ Superstar"

Jesus Christ,
Superstar,
Came down to earth in a jaguar,
Pulled a skid,
Killed a kid,
Knocked of his head with a dustbin lid.

cherubaul

old mother hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch poor rover a bone.
but when she bent over rover jumped over and gave her a bone of his own.

mary had a little lamb
she also had a duck
she put them on the mantle piece to see if they would f"£$

Kat1170

Daisy, Daisy,
Gimme’ your tits to chew,
I’m half crazy, all for the love of you,
I can’t afford a Johnny,
A paper bag will do,
you look sweet, under the sheet,
with me on top of you.

gerky

Mary had a little bike
She rode it round the grass
But every time she hit a bump
The seat went up her ass

It ran down my legs like scrambled eggs.

Diarrhe,diarrhea.

_blank_

Archeron wrote: »

There was an old woman of 64,
Barney Boo,

Thanks a million for this :mad:

It's in my head now, and it won't leave until I know the whole thing.

I think I know where to find out though.

Oh and, it isn't Barney Boo.

There was an old woman of sixty-four
Parlez-vous (parl-ay voo)

There was an old woman of sixty-four
Parlez-vous

There was an old woman of sixty-four
She did something something, and something more
Inky-pinky parlez-vou-ou-ous

_blank_

Got it!

There was an old woman of sixty-four
Parlez-vous (parl-ay voo)
There was an old woman of sixty-four
Parlez-vous
There was an old woman of sixty-four
She let a fart and it rolled out the door
Inky-pinky parlez-vou-ou-ous

The fart went rolling down the street
Parlez-vous
The fart went rolling down the street
Parlez-vous
The fart went rolling down the street
Knocked a copper off his feet
Inky-pinky parlez-vous

The copper got out his rusty whistle
Parlez vous
The copper got out his rusty whistle
Parlez vous
The copper got out his rusty whistle
Blew the fart from here to Bristol
Inky pinky parlez vous

Bristol Rovers were playing at home
Parlez vous
Bristol Rovers were playing at home
Parlez vous
Bristol Rovers were playing at home
Kicked the fart from here to Rome
Inky pinky parlez vous

The Emperor of Rome was having his gin
Parlez vous
The Emperor of Rome was having his gin
Parlez vous
The Emperor of Rome was having his gin
Opened his mouth, and the fart went in
Inky pinky parlez vous

The fart went rolling down his spine
Parlez vous
The fart went rolling down his spine
Parlez vous
The fart went rolling down his spine, knocked his bollocks out of line
Inky pinky parlez vous

Baby4

This post has been deleted.

mc nuggets

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
So Jack could lick Jills fanny
Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock
When he found out Jill was a Tranny

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To have some hanky-panky,
Jill forgot to take the pill
and out popped little Franky.

Poppy78

H.O.T.A.S. wrote: »

B-Side version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Jesus Christ Superstar"

Jesus Christ,
Superstar,
Came down to earth in a jaguar,
Pulled a skid,
Killed a kid,
Knocked of his head with a dustbin lid.

Its actually Jesus Christ,
Superstar,
Walks like a woman
and wears a bra.

I rmember getting a right clatter for singing that in front of my Granny, seems harmless now

Hotblack Desiato

DesF wrote: »

Inky-pinky parlez-vous

That goes back to WW1 !

http://www.firstworldwar.com/audio/mademoisellefromarmentieres.htm

miles teg

coco pops alternative:

my name is coco and i live in a tree
I sell rubber johnnies for 25p
some are fifty some are a bob
it all depends on the size of your knob

Bitz n Pieces

This one works for pretty much any town/school you are from:

We are The "Mercy" girls,
We wear our hair in curls, we wear our dungarees upon our sexy knees,
The boy next door to me, he gave me 50p to go behind the tree and have it off with me,
My mother was surprised to see my belly rise, my Father jumped for joy it was a baby boy!!!

For shame, we used to sing it so much, then there was the:

Number 1, the story's just begun...singing do wah diddy, diddy dum diddy do
Number 2, she's taking off her shoes...singing ""
Number 3, (something about her knees)
Can anyone remember the rest of the words, used have some laugh singing it on the school tours, watching the teachers faces, that gives me another idea for a thread!!

tk123

Ruu wrote: »

Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin flew away, the Bat mobile had lost his wheel and Robin something something.. Best I could do.

i remember it as Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid and egg, the bat mobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away

Another one for the collection :
'Down in Fraggle Rock
Grab a fraggle by the c**k
Swing him round and round
Down in Fraggle Rock'

mickrourke

tk123 wrote: »

Another one for the collection :
'Down in Fraggle Rock
Grab a fraggle by the c**k
Swing him round and round
Down in Fraggle Rock'

miles teg wrote: »

coco pops alternative:

my name is coco and i live in a tree
I sell rubber johnnies for 25p
some are fifty some are a bob
it all depends on the size of your knob

There's 2 songs i'm going to be singing at the christmas party tomorrow night

Anyone remember the:

'Down the dark alley where nobody goes'

I remember bits such as 'All in black, all in black, something something
and 'All in red all in red she said the babys dead, down the dark alley where nobody goes'

I swear we are all going to hell - Innocent childhood my ass

pornstar IRL

Reading All Them Posts Makes Me Feel Very Old
Loads Of School Memories Flooding Back...:)

FlutterinBantam

Good ship Venus

"It was on the good ship Venus
By Christ you should have seen us
The figurehead was a maid in bed
Suckin' the Cap'n's penis
**************

The first mate's name was Morgan

jb91

To the Postman Pat theme tune:

Postman Pat, Postman Pat,
Postman Pat ran over his cat.
Blood and guts went flying,
Postman Pat was crying,
Now he'll never drink and drive again.

jb91

mc nuggets wrote: »

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
So Jack could lick Jills fanny
Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock
When he found out Jill was a Tranny

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To have some hanky-panky,
Jill forgot to take the pill
and out popped little Franky.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, unzipped his fly and asked Jill did she wana.
Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun.
Silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

kelle

Three, three, three
Monkeys in a tree
One fell down
And broke his....

Mickey is a bulldog
Lying in the grass
Along comes a bumblebee
And stings him on the...

AssAsk no questions
Tell no lies
That is the end
Of my naughty little curse

Kat1170

Our version:

Mary had a little lamb,
Who really was quite silly,
She threw him up in the air,
And caught him by his ….

Willy was an old man,
Lying in the grass,
Along came a bumble bee,
And stung him on the …..

Ass no questions,
Tell no lies,
I saw a black man,
Doing up his ….

Fly’s are bad,
Fleas are worse,
And that’s the end,
Of my little verse.

:D:D

An Riabhach

When we were learning the Jack and Jill poem in primary school,there was a line in the second verse which the teacher taught us to say:

"He went to bed and covered his head with vinegar and brown paper".

But during lunch time,when one of us read the book she was reading the poem from,the actual line in the book was,believe it or not:

"Old Dame Dob patched up his nob with vinegar and brown paper".

darkdubh

Davedubh wrote: »

Popeye the sailer man,lived in a caravan.He turned on the gas and blew up his ass,popeye the sailer man.

Ha,he .Remember that one.

An Riabhach

Yanky Doodle went to town,riding on a pony.
He let a fart that blew the cart and paralysed the pony.

Sing a song of syphilis,a f***y full of crabs.
4 and 20 blackheads,twice as many scabs.
When the scabs pop open,the heads begin to sing:
"O wasn't that a filthy hole to stick your willy in".

Johnny went up to cut the wood hurrah,hurrah,
Johnny went up to cut the wood hurrah,hurrah,
The wind blew,the axe flew,
Johnny went home with his balls in two...

Paddy went out to milk the cows hurrah,hurrah,
Paddy went out to milk the cows hurrah,hurrah,
He pulled the tail instead of the tit,
And all he got was a bucket of sh*t....

Bearhunter

My god those are taking me back years. A few more:

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John
went to bed with nothing on.
In the middle of the night, Matthew had to have a ****e;
out the window was cold and numb, but out the window he stuck his bum.
Holy Moses passing by, heard a rumbling in the sky.
Looking up to his surprise, he caught the lot between the eyes.

Hey diddle diddle
The cat did a piddle
All voer the bedroom mat.
The little dog laughed to see such fun
then pissed all over the cat.

And my favourite:

The grand old Duke of York
He had ten thousand men.
His case comes up next Thursday
and he won't sit down again.

stoneill

Milk Milk Lemonade
Chocolate round the corner.

anewme

Am laughing here because I remember lots of these....does your balls hang low, milk, milk lemonade.

Aged about 10, We found a book of rugby songs that had blown out of someones bin and as soon as we discovered they were DIRTY, gave a page to every child on the street.

Best ones were
Oh darling Grace I love your face, I love you in your nighty,
When the moonlight flits across your tits, oh jesus christ almighty

Another one
Far away in China, beneath the sign of the swinging tit, there lives a chinese maiden and her name is who flung ****......

anewme

The Doggies held a meeting, they came from near and far,
Some came by motor cycle and some by motor car,
Each Doggie paid the entrance fee, each doggie signed the book,
and each unzipped his arse hole, and hung it on a hook.

One dog was not invited and solely raised the ire,
He ran into the meeting hall and loudly bellowed "Fire"
The doggies got excited and ran to have a look,
And grabbed each other's arse hole, from each others hook.

And that's the reason why sir, when walking down the street,
And that's the reason why sir, when doggies chance to meet
And that's the reason why sir, on land or sea or foam,
They sniff each other's arse hole - to see if it's their own.

Hill St Blue

Ollie, Ollie, Ollie,
Put your balls in a trolley,
Put your tits in a biscuit tin,
Stick your finger up your arse,
And wipe it in the grass,
Ollie, Ollie, Ollie, Ollie, Ollie.

Christ, we were strange children!

anewme

stoneill wrote: »

Milk Milk Lemonade
Chocolate round the corner.

Actually, we chanted this as

Milk, Milk, Lemonade, round the corner chocolate's made!

thebullkf

Bing Bang Rosie
Rosie bangs all day
Who's gonna bang for Rosie,
When Rosie goes away

Rosie has a boyfriend
his name is diamond dick
he always shows his diamonds
but he never shows his bing bang rosie

rosie bangs all day... etc ad infitum

thebullkf

Did you ever see a kunt
did you ever see a kunt
did you ever see a count-ry famer..

did you ever get your hole
did you ever get your hole
did you ever get your whole weeks wages...


etc etc

An Riabhach

I'm havin great craic readin all these.
Apologies if the followin ones have already been mentioned:

From your bum it'll run,like a bullet from a gun
Diarrhoea..Diarrhoea..
Very hot,very runny and it aint very funny
Diarrhoea..diarrhoea..
Coz I was going to my aunt's when I did it in my pants
Diarrhoea..diarrhoea..
But my aunty wasn't in,so I did it in the bin
Diarrhoea..diarrhoea..

Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed
As Little Bo Peep was givin' him head
As soon as he came she started to weep
Coz then he went off n' shagged all of her sheep.

Ann22

Hahaha! Great thread:D.. I remember loads of these. I must've grown up with a bunch of depraved individuals.

Georgie Best, superstar
He looks like a woman and he wears a bra.

I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in a pot of jam
The jam was so sticky
It stuck to my mickey
I'm Popeye the sailor man

Stuff the turkey's hole with holly fa la la la laaaa la la la la
If he farts then he'll be sorry fa la la la laaa la la la la

and
Stuff the turkey's hole with holly fa la la la laaa la la la la
Wring his neck and pull his johnny fa la la la laaa la la la la

I remember a particularly rude one that me being such a lady:D, am prevented from trying to recall it fully. I know there's a bit about 'hair growing thick from your belly to your ***** and the Germans playing snooker with your balls'

Bearhunter

Ann22 wrote: »

I remember a particularly rude one that me being such a lady:D, am prevented from trying to recall it fully. I know there's a bit about 'hair growing thick from your belly to your ***** and the Germans playing snooker with your balls'

That's not the one about "my father sells his arsehole at the gates of Windsor Castle" is it?