Christmas Engagement !

Suse

I know my BF is going to propose to me on christmas day, I'm delighted. He doesn't know I know. He told me a couple of weeks ago when he was drunk.

I am over the moon and I can't wait. Only one problem, I want to pick my own ring . I think he is getting it this Friday, he is taking a day off to go shopping on his own.

Am I totally selfish? What if he buys me a ring I don't like or doesn't fit?

Should I tell him I know or would this ruin his surprise ???

thanks,
P.S. I'd marry him in the morning, he's the best in the world. I don't want to upset him

free2fly

Well, if he hadn't told you that he was going to ask you, you wouldn't have known. And you wouldn't have been able to pick out your own ring. I can understand why you'd want to do this, but I'd say you're going to have to trust his taste and the fact that he knows you well. Don't spoil his surprise just so you can pick out the ring. He'll be so disappointed. And I think his feelings and love should be far more important than any ring. And if it doesn't fit you can always have it sized.

Rhiannon14

Would you really want to ruin such an incredible moment with a lie? Have a laugh about it and then get the ring you want

celt262

Are u sure it wasn't the drink talking i told my girlfriend that we should get engaged next year and married the following year when i was drunk and have no intention of it. im not ready yet.

Dizzyblonde

If the ring doesn't fit you can get it sized - does he know what type of ring you like? If so, don't worry, you'll love it. You can't spoil his surprise, but you can't very well change a ring he picks either - he'd be very hurt.
He's probably asked friends or family for advice so don't stress too much.
The important thing is that he loves you enough to want to spend the rest of his life with you - the ring is just a symbol of that.

watna

Suse wrote: »

I know my BF is going to propose to me on christmas day, I'm delighted. He doesn't know I know. He told me a couple of weeks ago when he was drunk.

I am over the moon and I can't wait. Only one problem, I want to pick my own ring . I think he is getting it this Friday, he is taking a day off to go shopping on his own.

Am I totally selfish? What if he buys me a ring I don't like or doesn't fit?

Should I tell him I know or would this ruin his surprise ???

thanks,
P.S. I'd marry him in the morning, he's the best in the world. I don't want to upset him

If it doesn't fit, you can get it resized. As for getting one you like. I'd get the argos catalogue out tonight to "look for Christmas presents". look at the jewellery and point out rings you like to your bf, or say if you were to pick one on this page what would it be.(and hope he won't actually get it from Argos!) Or you tell him about a girl at work you got engaged and got a fabulous ring and it's just what you would like if you were to become engaged and then describe it (it's obviously the one in your head you know you want)

Or, tell him of a "friend who got engaged" and went to choose her own ring afterwards and how that's what you'd like to do.

if you want to be sneaky and not tell him there's the above kind of options.

Otherwise, you could just be honest and tell him you know. I'm just thinking of my own situation. I wouldn't want to tell my bf I know because it'd break his heart for it not to be a surprise. Some people might think not telling him directly is a bit sneaky though!

or you could just trust that he knows you well enough to get you a nice ring. I'm sure you've given him indications of your taste over the years.

Victor

Suse wrote: »

What if he buys me a ring [that] doesn't fit?

It can be altered relatively easily.

Suse wrote: »

What if he buys me a ring I don't like?

You don't want to know what I just called you. Its a ring. OK its pretty much the ring, save one. But is just a ring. You are getting married. Hopefully, you spend the rest of your lives together. Thats the important bit.

That said, I'm sure he'll pick something reasonably nice.

Suse

Okay guys you've convinced me, I won't ruin it. I don't think I could do it to him anyway. I could never hurt him.

Your right I can get it sized, I think he has a fair idea of what type of ring I'd like although a friend of ours got engaged recently and he thought her ring was lovely and it was rotten! So that kinda worried me.

I know for definate that he is going to propose and I'll just keep me mouth shut and enjoy it and love the ring as much as I love him.

Thanks for the help guys, your all right on this.

NextSteps

Like the one above said, maybe dropping hints would do it. But don't ruin his moment. It's him asking you, and after that, I'm sure you can make 50% (plus!) of the decisions.

TheDriver

I have a big question, do guys actually buy the actual ring or just a nominal one and go pick the proper one later? Always a curiousity of mine
Oh, don't, please don't ruin his moment and indeed yours over small matter of taste, its your relationship and life ahead, not a taste issue that you will be smiling about.

Victor

TheDriver wrote: »

I have a big question, do guys actually buy the actual ring or just a nominal one and go pick the proper one later? Always a curiousity of mine
Oh, don't, please don't ruin his moment and indeed yours over small matter of taste, its your relationship and life ahead, not a taste issue that you will be smiling about.

On topic please.


http://boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=670

LegacyUser

You could always do what my friend did in that situation.
She knew her BF was going to buy her the ring but was worried he'd pick something she didn't like.

So she made it her business to 'flick' through jewellery mags and 'stop' outside jewellers and make sure he heard that she didn't like yellow gold, always preferred platinum, and REALLY liked solitaire diamonds.

MagicMarker

Ok, he was drunk. It's great if he asks you, but just in case i wouldn't get my hopes up.

Besides, if it were me i would just buy a random (but nice) ring and then bring her out to get the real thang!!!:)

deisemum

My sister worked in a jeweller's and when a bloke would come on his own to get the ring and wasn't sure what his girlfriend liked the jeweller's said if the girlfriend didn't like the ring then they could bring it back and exchange it as long as they did so with a short period and had the receipt.

I proposed to my now husband and I went off a bought my own ring, that was almost 20 years ago. I haven't worn it since I had my second child 10 years ago.

the_syco

celt262 wrote: »

Are u sure it wasn't the drink talking i told my girlfriend that we should get engaged next year and married the following year when i was drunk and have no intention of it. im not ready yet.

+2. OP, us men say stuff to make you happy. And being drunk, he may have phrased it the wrong way.

SarahSassy

the_syco wrote: »

+2. OP, us men say stuff to make you happy. And being drunk, he may have phrased it the wrong way.

Dont take the good out of it for her.....

OP, the ring is not important in the grand scheme of things. You are almost assuming you wont like the ring - maybe you will.... Dont create problems before there are any..

EamonnKeane

What if he buys me a ring I don't like or doesn't fit?

You actually sound like such a child - you're considering staying with him for the rest of your life, yet you're worried that he'll buy you a shiny piece of dirt, mined by a slave, that isn't as pretty as the one your sister, or friend, or whatever got? This forum's called "Personal Issues", for stuff such as "Should I marry him?", not "omg my ring is teh gay :eek::eek::eek:".

LegacyUser

EamonnKeane wrote: »

You actually sound like such a child - you're considering staying with him for the rest of your life, yet you're worried that he'll buy you a shiny piece of dirt, mined by a slave, that isn't as pretty as the one your sister, or friend, or whatever got? This forum's called "Personal Issues", for stuff such as "Should I marry him?", not "omg my ring is teh gay :eek::eek::eek:".

Agree entirely....the original post sounds like something a teenager would write...you better hope he was drunk as there is no way you have grasped the concept of marriage...it isn't about a ring you know.

miles teg

Suse wrote: »

I am over the moon and I can't wait. Only one problem, I want to pick my own ring . I think he is getting it this Friday, he is taking a day off to go shopping on his own.

Am I totally selfish? What if he buys me a ring I don't like or doesn't fit?

Should I tell him I know or would this ruin his surprise ???

Does he get to pick your wedding dress? He may be worried he has to marry you in the ugliest thing he's ever seen.
Slagging aside, don't be 100% sure he will propose to you. if he was too drunk to even remember he told you, then maybe he's not actually thinking about doing it. I hope he does but don't act devastated if he doesn't and he's wonder what the hell is wrong

Victor

Victor wrote: »

It can be altered relatively easily.

You don't want to know what I just called you. Its a ring. OK its pretty much the ring, save one. But is just a ring. You are getting married. Hopefully, you spend the rest of your lives together. Thats the important bit.

That said, I'm sure he'll pick something reasonably nice.

If it's something you have to look at for the next 30 years it would want to not make you cringe everytime you look at it.
For example I hate gold I absolutely cannot stand it even if the diamond was the size of a marble I would hate it if it was gold but every woman I know that is over the age of 50 has gold rings as twas the fashion or the done thing 10 years ago.

The Sweeper

+1 on CSG's point.

You try wearing something every day for the rest of your life (which, whatever the statistics, is at least the intention of marriage) that someone else has picked.

My husband proposed to me with a plain white gold wedding band, and let me pick my own engagement ring. Good job too - not because of taste, but because I'm a hands-on bird who gets stuck in whatever I'm doing, and if he'd bought me some dainty solitaire in clasp setting I'd have looked down one day at the world's most expensive ring setting with a big gaping hole where the stone should be.

Try to think of it like this - what if your missus said she was going to select your wedding ring, and instead of a plain gold band she picked some piece of diamond-studded bling? And you had to wear that every day for the rest of your life?

Minesajackdaniels

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

and if he'd bought me some dainty solitaire in clasp setting I'd have looked down one day at the world's most expensive ring setting with a big gaping hole where the stone should be.

Hehe thats my worst fear, I'm awful with jewellery and I can't even keep a false set of nails on me without breaking them all within a day.

sn00ps

Speaking as someone who's husband picked their ring I feel I might be qualified to comment. I too was worried as my husband can have odd taste.

I knew we were going to get married at some stage but not when we were to get engaged.To my memory he knew I liked yellow gold (and I'm not over 50!!) and liked solitaires .. that's all. He did live with me day to day and most importantly knew enough about me to know he wanted to spend his life with me. Much more important to me then a piece of jewelry!

The day he proposed was THE most romantic day of my life .. just him and me in a fabulous location just before Christmas .. he had the ring but to be honest I was on cloud nine and didn't even think about what he put on my finger. Even later when I couldn't help staring at it ALL the time, all I thought about was I'm getting married .. I'm getting married .. yahoo .. the best, most gorgeous, most amazing man in the world wants to spend the rest of his life with me .. WOW

I promise you will be the same, I don't think you are that self centered from your posts that the ring is all important. I have a friend who designed her own ring and has had it redesigned 3 times as she hates it ..

You can, down the road, if its really important to you, have the setting around the stone changed. I'm sure people do as fashions and personal tastes change.

When I was 5 I wanted a big pink ring with a barbie on top .. thank god he didn't get me that!

Congrats and I hope you have a lovely Christmas .. it's a great time to get engaged and fabulous fun checking out venues and having glass after glass of champagne to 'celebrate' once again!!!

Be Happy ...

Suse

EamonnKeane & Miles-teg => is there really any need to be so horrible to me. I only asked for an opinion and if you bothered to read this thread properly you would have noticed that I had decided not to mention it already.

And as for being sure he will propose, I am 100% sure and wheather he was drunk or not at the time when he told me I know for sure as he has told me numerous times (sober) that we will get engaged "soon".

You two sound like fustratated old codgers that just want to moan and critise. Up yours!

Sn00psThanks you so much for your words of encouragement and for telling me your engagment story. I am really really excited !!! Thanks again, it's nice to have some warm wishes

miles teg

Suse wrote: »

EamonnKeane & Miles-teg => is there really any need to be so horrible to me. I only asked for an opinion and if you bothered to read this thread properly you would have noticed that I had decided not to mention it already.

I didn't intend to be horrible to you at all! I made a joke and then said "slagging aside", be careful not to be 100% confident because there's a chance he may not. I also said I hope he does propose to you. i apologise anyway... i don't want you to feel bad about wanting a ring you love. i hope it all works out for you

Suse wrote: »

Up yours!

Nice touch by the way

Jack B. Badd

Suse wrote: »

Up yours!

If that's your response to someone who's gives you an opinion you don't like (after you asked for opinions on the matter) what will be your response to your boyfriend if he doesn't give you the ring you want?
Is the ring really all that important? Like the party, presents, dress, flowers, etc. the ring is more part of the "wedding" than the marriage. There are much more important things in life than a piece of jewelery.

tinkerbell

I think people here are being really unfair to the OP. MAJD summed it up well in that it is something you will have to wear for the rest of your life and if you don't like it then you will be looking at something that you don't like for 60 years. I know it's the actual marriage that's important but if every time you look at the ring and think that you would have preferred a different one, then that's not gonna do you any good either.

It's like going clothes shopping, would you wear something your gf bought you if you didn't like it or it didn't suit you?

You love the person but a lot of girls do dream about getting the most amazing engagement ring. It's a girl thing. I know that I would like to pick out my own and my bf told me that when it comes to that time I can pick out my own. He thought though that it would ruin the romantic element. I think you can still be romantic with a token ring though for the actual proposal but let the girl pick out her own ring then after.

E.g. if you have a charm bracelet, he could propose with a ring charm, or even a little cheap ring from River Island or something, I dunno. I like the charm idea though

miles teg

tinkerbell wrote: »

I think people here are being really unfair to the OP. MAJD summed it up well in that it is something you will have to wear for the rest of your life and if you don't like it then you will be looking at something that you don't like for 60 years. I know it's the actual marriage that's important but if every time you look at the ring and think that you would have preferred a different one, then that's not gonna do you any good either.

It's like going clothes shopping, would you wear something your gf bought you if you didn't like it or it didn't suit you?

You love the person but a lot of girls do dream about getting the most amazing engagement ring. It's a girl thing. I know that I would like to pick out my own and my bf told me that when it comes to that time I can pick out my own. He thought though that it would ruin the romantic element. I think you can still be romantic with a token ring though for the actual proposal but let the girl pick out her own ring then after.

E.g. if you have a charm bracelet, he could propose with a ring charm, or even a little cheap ring from River Island or something, I dunno. I like the charm idea though

I'll ask you the same question so... would you let your boyfriend pick out your wedding dress with you?

Suse

Miles Teg - You really are an Antagonist :mad:

Tinkerbell - thanks for your advise. I agree with you I would prefer to chose my own ring but I will gratefully accept whatever ring my BF buys for me. I only just spoke to him there and he told me that he is going to town on Friday to get some idea's for my christmas present and that he's narrow it down to a few and asked if maybe I'd help him decide on which one I want on Christmas Eve !!!!

So problem solved, looks like he's gonna put in all the footwork and chose a few options and let me pick the one I want, then everone is happy.

And Miles Teg - I would probably let my BF chose my wedding dress if he wanted to as he has a wonderful sence of style !!!!

king_of_inismac

Here's the solution

Get home tonight and say that "edel (some girl he's never heard of) from work got engaged, but her b/f bought her a horrible ring. say that her boyfriend should have just proposed and then they could have bought the ring together"

That way he gets the message and the surprise isn't ruined!

miles teg

I think you should relax a bit.
You were abusive to me after I made a joke and gave an opinion to help you.
After explaining I didn't mean to be horrible, I apologised anyway and hoped it all worked out. This results in you saying I'm antagonising you???
I think you should stop jumping to conclusions about people not posting replies exactly the way you want.
Despite all this, i'm still glad all worked out for you. I wish you all the best in your engagement

ag1975

you'll get some hop christmas day if he presents you with a ghd and an intimately beckham giftset!!

MarkR

My wife did the browsing in the window thing. I knew what she wanted and knew her size from other rings. Short notice but try to hint at what you like when you're conveniently near the shop window. Or say to wait till next week or whatever as a sale is due in such a place, and then drool over something you like.

Failing that you could always pop down to the shops yourself and give the assistant some direction if you know where he's going!

Suse

MarkRThanks for that, I know he is going into town (Galway City) on Friday to do a bit of window shopping. He told me he would pick out 3 or 4 christmas presents for me and that I could pick which I wanted if I go into town with him on Christmas Eve.:D
So it should be okay and he knows I want white gold, I used to always thing I wanted a solitar but who knows he might be the best judge and pick the perfect ring be it a solitar or not!
Can't wait now - it will be so special

miles teg

I know you're all excited about getting it this christmas but would you consider the two of you going to Hong Kong to get a ring? The money you would save on buying it over there would pay for the whole trip. China/Hong Kong doesn't have the same taxes on diamonds (think it's almost 50% in ireland) plus you'd end up with a great holiday. HK is well known for the quality of diamonds there

Mr. Incognito

It's just a fecking ring. Sentiment that counts not bling. I'd rather a good marraige than good bling.

But your question was

What if he buys me a ring I don't like or doesn't fit?

As already stated you can get it resized.

Can you honestly say even if he picked out the ugliest rock in the place you wouldn't love it? If so I think you need to re-organise your priorities.

LegacyUser

If you really don't like the ring and feel you can't live with it, then just tell him. If you're going to be married, it won't be the worst thing he'll hear during your life together! Just relax. Honestly when you're wearing at your engagement ring every day you forget what it looks like. It's more important to enjoy the moment and the excitement of getting engaged.

Pigletlover

miles teg wrote: »

I know you're all excited about getting it this christmas but would you consider the two of you going to Hong Kong to get a ring? The money you would save on buying it over there would pay for the whole trip. China/Hong Kong doesn't have the same taxes on diamonds (think it's almost 50% in ireland) plus you'd end up with a great holiday. HK is well known for the quality of diamonds there

Can't say I noticed any bargains on diamond rings when I was in Hong Kong. Admittedly, I wasn't going around pricing engagement rings but jewellery (and everything else) was just as expensive there as it is here, if not even more so. Also, our week in Hong Kong cost us €2,000 before spending a penny over there.

OP, when I frist read your post I too was a little worried that it was just the drink talking when your boyfriend told you he was going to propose because that's exactly the kind of stuff that guys say when they're drunk and all loved up, so don't be too hard on the other posters who said not to get your hopes up just in case. But from what you said it seems as though your boyfriend is serious about it so best of luck with it and I hope you get the ring you want.

miles teg

Hey pigletlover...
I know a couple that bought their ring recently in Hong Kong. They got it valued here and it's worth twice what they paid for it. If anyone plans to spend about €2000 upwards, it's definitely worth going to China for.

Victor

Suse wrote: »

And Miles Teg - I would probably let my BF chose my wedding dress if he wanted to as he has a wonderful sence of style !!!!

Good enough for a dress, but not for a ring?

miles teg

Victor wrote: »

Good enough for a dress, but not for a ring?

I thought the same but didn't want to be antagonistic :rolleyes:

Goldenquick

Best of luck for both your futures. I'm sure he wouldn't be insulted if you said you didn't like the ring, as long as he keeps the receipt you can change it no problem .

Toto Wolfcastle

My boyfriend's sister got engaged (after 3 months but we wont even go there) and her fiance got a ring from the jewellers that could be used for the proposal and then they could go in to pick one out together. He also had the reception booked before they got married. I don't know if he was organised or nuts!

Good luck, OP. Wish I was getting engaged!

LegacyUser

I can't believe how nasty some people have been on this thread.

For those who think it's just a bit of 'bling', it's not.
For example, apart from a plain, cheap watch, I don't wear jewellery at ALL. No earrings, no necklaces, bracelets, rings, nothing.

The fact that I'm allergic to everything except 18ct gold is the main reason, the other is that I'm not a fan of a lot of jewellery designs.

So when the day comes for me (probably quite soon!) I would like to know the ring I'll be wearing for the rest of my life is something I love.

Of course it's not all about the ring, but who would get something permanent - like a tattoo - if they weren't 100% sure they loved it?

Jack B. Badd

Jenay wrote: »

Of course it's not all about the ring, but who would get something permanent - like a tattoo - if they weren't 100% sure they loved it?

Unless your engagement ring is welded to your finger, that analogy doesn't really work. Also, given the rate of divorce in the western world marriage isn't necessarily the "permanent" commitment it once was...

giddyup

This is a pretty straightforward question OP so I don't know why so many people are getting on your case. Anyway, 1 or 2 have mentioned it but amidst all the noise it may have got lost. I think any man with even half a clue who wants to keep his other half happy will realise that she'd probably want some input into the old engagmenet ring purchase - however some of us do like to spring a surprise. Don't worry about it as any good jeweller will exchange the proposal ring (and will probably advise ur bloke of that).

In my case I put a deposit on a ring at a decent jewellers, bought a substitute for about 12 euros in Argos and proposed with that but I showed her that I had a deposit for a nicer model. She liked the one I had put the deposit on (and thought the Argos ring was sweet but wasn't too keen on the rash) and chose that.

One couple we know - he bought the ring somewhere foreign so he couldnt exchange it - she didn't like it and now she never wears her engagement ring.

Bottom line - you never know - he might pick a nice one and if he doesnt you should be able to change it without to much hassle. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

you trusted his judgement when he selected you - now trust his judgement at selecting a ring

honestly!! - and i'm a woman ........

Pigletlover

miles teg wrote: »

Hey pigletlover...
I know a couple that bought their ring recently in Hong Kong. They got it valued here and it's worth twice what they paid for it. If anyone plans to spend about €2000 upwards, it's definitely worth going to China for.

Fair enough, I just found the place expensive in general and most of the jewllers were the Cartier and Tiffany type but your friends obviously done well. I'd have thought with the low dollar the States might be somewhere to consider going but I don't know how diamonds from the States compare to elsewhere...

miles teg

Pigletlover wrote: »

Fair enough, I just found the place expensive in general and most of the jewllers were the Cartier and Tiffany type but your friends obviously done well. I'd have thought with the low dollar the States might be somewhere to consider going but I don't know how diamonds from the States compare to elsewhere...

The states would be good value (nearly anywhere outside Ireland actually). I particularly mentioned China though because it would be a better holiday experience than the stinky old US

Memnoch

When I proposed to my now wife 7 years ago, I bought a 50 euro (euros had just come in) ring from Argos. It was a plain gold band with a pink stone set in it. It was all I could afford as I was a student at the time and I didn't want to get a fake diamond. I proposed to her in the horribly cheesy, ring in wine glass way in an Indian restaurant. (I was young). Anyway she said yes, she loved the ring. It didn't even fit on her ring finger but she wore it on her thumb, and would never take it off. That ring was precious to her not because of what it was but what it signified.

A few years later when we both were financially independent and finally did get married I wanted to buy her a PROPER ring, as I had always planned on doing from the start. She was adamantly against it, because what i'd got her orignally was her "engagement" ring and to her replacing it would be like saying the engagement wasn't real. I had to literally wrestle the old ring from her and hide it, before she would let me buy her a new one. A nice big solitaire set in white gold, which she also loved, and which we picked together, though it was my choice.

Now she wears it everyday, and most of her girlfriends and female work colleagues have remarked on how great the ring is. Yet she was surprised at this. Not at the fact that people complimented her on the ring, but on the fact that it going around complimenting people's rings was somehow a good thing to do.

Reading threads like this makes me realise how utterly lucky I am to have married someone so genuine, down to earth and without many of the superficial pretensions of modern women.

I'm afraid my wife has spoilt me, but if I had another GF ever and she started on about this ring malarky I would unceremoniously dump her.

LegacyUser

Memnoch wrote: »

When I proposed to my now wife 7 years ago, I bought a 50 euro (euros had just come in) ring from Argos. It was a plain gold band with a pink stone set in it. It was all I could afford as I was a student at the time and I didn't want to get a fake diamond. I proposed to her in the horribly cheesy, ring in wine glass way in an Indian restaurant. (I was young). Anyway she said yes, she loved the ring. It didn't even fit on her ring finger but she wore it on her thumb, and would never take it off. That ring was precious to her not because of what it was but what it signified.

A few years later when we both were financially independent and finally did get married I wanted to buy her a PROPER ring, as I had always planned on doing from the start. She was adamantly against it, because what i'd got her orignally was her "engagement" ring and to her replacing it would be like saying the engagement wasn't real. I had to literally wrestle the old ring from her and hide it, before she would let me buy her a new one. A nice big solitaire set in white gold, which she also loved, and which we picked together, though it was my choice.

Now she wears it everyday, and most of her girlfriends and female work colleagues have remarked on how great the ring is. Yet she was surprised at this. Not at the fact that people complimented her on the ring, but on the fact that it going around complimenting people's rings was somehow a good thing to do.

Reading threads like this makes me realise how utterly lucky I am to have married someone so genuine, down to earth and without many of the superficial pretensions of modern women.

I'm afraid my wife has spoilt me, but if I had another GF ever and she started on about this ring malarky I would unceremoniously dump her.

Fair play to your wife. She doesn't have her head swayed by expensive jewellery and the meaning of the ring is more important to her.

I took it from the OP's first post that she didn't want her BF going out and spending a lot of money on a ring she didn't particularly like.
If he was going to spend 50 euro I don't think it would have been a problem.

Just as an aside, I wouldn't consider myself "superficial" or "pretentious". I don't spend a lot of money on clothes, I drive a 10-year-old car and, unlike a lot of "modern women" you refer to I don't do the fake tan, nails, hair, teeth etc.
However, I would like to have the chance to pick out the piece of jewellery I believe I will be wearing for the rest of my life. I'd like to contribute to the cost too (although I don't know if Him Indoors would agree to that).