My Girlfriend had threesome

Macker1776

A year or two ago my girlfriend and I were away with friends and after more than a few drinks we started to play that stupid game "I Never" anyway it came to her and she said I never had a threesome before slaming down her drink...meaning she had...I was totally shocked by this and needless to say the evening was ruined. She explained to me it was years ago and that it wasn't really a threesome as she stopped it before it went too far.. I took her word for it .....So fast forward 2 years we are now engaged and just moved into our new home together...the first night we had no tv and so started lookin at old pics....she showed me one of them when she was on holiday and pointed out 2 off the blokes and said she was with them both on the same night....together....at the same time....I didn't make a deal of it at the time (think I was in shock) but now thinking about it....it is really starting to grate with me....is she really the person I thought she was....not only did she actually have a full blown threesome.... she lied about it to me......can I really thrust her at all???? (Both these "threesomes" took place many years b4 we met)

Jesus Wept

The lesson is, never play these type of games with a significant other.

(unless you are one of the few people who won't care remotely what high jinx may have gone on prior to you)

Carrigart Exile

Tell her you love her more than anything in this world and it rips your heart out to hear of times when she was emotionally with other men. So please stop mentioning it, and you'll do the same.

Reku

I'm not sure how past sexual encounters is any different to past lovers in terms of it's impact on the current relationship, unless she starts trying to push you into a threesome it doesn't really matter. Yes, she lied about it, but probably because she was afraid of your reaction and, as I said, it doesn't really affect the current relationship so I'd imagine that she saw it as a small lie.
So you know your girlfriend has been a bit more adventurous sexually than you have, big deal, if she's sticking with you then clearly you give her all the emotional and sexual satisfaction she needs so what does it matter who did what with whom years before you started going out?

tbh

Get over it, or your pride will cost you your girlfriend.

Nevyn

Go watch chasing Amy.

Aren't you lucky that you ahve a girlfriend that loves and trusts you enough to tell you about her sexual past as she believes you are a grown up.

Blackpitts

cop on!
I'm sure you wouldn't say no to 2 girls keen to spend the night with you at the same moment. Then, a threesome is one of the most favourite erotic dreams for many girls. She did it, so what? she is not a sl*t, we all have a past and you need to accept it.
she loves you, that' s the only important thing.

thewing

You feel intimidated cos ur a bloke...get over it. If shoe was on other foot, you'd be delighted with yourself.

Leave the past in the past, just enjoy the present and don't worry bout the future

Marksie

So you play the variant of a truth or dare game and don't like the answer. Why is it grating and why should you be shocked?

The issue is not that she had a threesome, good for her, but that you can't handle it. If a partner talked to me openly about their sexual history it would mean to me that they were trusting enough to say, hey here is what i am and here is what i have done.
Where she was then and where she is now are two totally different things.
Accept her past or you will be part of her past.

As for her "lying" to you. Well lets see, by your own admission you allowed the initial confession to "ruin" the evening. My guess is she definitely picked up on this and went for damage limitation, not lying, realising that you were not mature enough to handle it.
Now two years later, no evidence she has wanted another, no evidence from you that you have any doubts. Until she brings it up again, more secure now, your engaged for goodness sake, and of you go again.

Its not a question of trust at all. From then until now it wasn't an issue for her, but it must have been nagging you. So now she becomes untrustworthy. Simple answer, grow up, accept it.

biko

So she had sexual experiences way before you two met? No big deal.
My advice: never mention it again.

skywalker

Thaedydal wrote: »

Go watch chasing Amy.

Aren't you lucky that you ahve a girlfriend that loves and trusts you enough to tell you about her sexual past as she believes you are a grown up.

Ha. Exactly what I was gonna post. It really is tailor made for your PI.




You might now wanna watch it with the missus though :eek:

Jumpy

Its called sexually adventurous OP. Shes with you now, so try and realise how lucky you are to be with such a person. Many guys would be quite jealous. Previous history has nothing to do with current relationships.

Time Magazine

Macker1776 wrote: »

can I really thrust her at all????

Of course you can. And you can invite a friend.

LegacyUser

Girls can be alittle crazy when they're younger, but it's a phase.. Myself and my best friend roasted this chick we knew one night, she was a stunning girl and we knew she was up for it because she was a bit crazy like that..

She was 19, we were 20. It was four years ago this Christmas and i she's a totally changed person, she doesn't even wear short skirts anymore!

These things are in her past, i'm sure your past isn't perfect either!

Cathmandooo

+1 to jumpys comment and everyones in general! You're lucky to have an adventurous partner, enjoy it and stop thinking it's a negative thing, we all have pasts!!

Zulu

I think people are being very hard on the OP. Who wants to imagine their girlfriend being spit-roasted? Thats hardly a plesent taught.

OP unfortunatly there isn't much you can do about it except try to forget it. Mention to your GF that you don't like to hear about her previous encounters and then try to focus on why you like your GF.

Good luck.

Marksie

Ibid: Please read the charter as regards off topic unhelpful posting

Cathmandooo

Zulu wrote: »

Who wants to imagine their girlfriend being spit-roasted? Thats hardly a plesent taught.

Who wants to imagine their partner with anyone else? We're all in the same boat when our partners have had other partners and we all deal with it. It may have come as a shock to the op to hear she was with two men but I'm sure we'd all be shocked to hear about our partners past encounters! I dont think we're being harsh, just realistic.

pookie82

I can understand why you might be a little freaked out by this. Everyone will say what if you did the same, you'd be a legend etc, but it's not the same thing, as it's the girl that's at the receiving end of this (literally) and no matter how much people want to rant and argue that it's the EXACT same thing as a guy doing it, it's not. (By the way, I'm female, before people start calling me a sexist pig). It's not easy for anyone, male or female, if we're really in love, to imagine our partners with anyone else before us (yes we accept that they existed but few want to actually DWELL on it) let alone our partner having engaged in sexual activities that we may not have expected of them - it sounds like the OP wouldn't have had his girlfriend down as the threesome type. I don't think it's an issue that she "lied" as technically, not mentioning it until she felt comfortable enough isn't lying, but biding her time. And if she's comfortable telling you about it, she's obviously secure enough to figure you'll be ok with it. The fact that you're not fully ok with who she was or is is something you'll have to discuss with her before you guys get married. Don't let it fester on, quietly resenting her for ages, until it all blows up. Tell her that you feel strange about what happened and that you're struggling with it. As you said yourself, both happened years before you met and it was probably just an adventurous phase. I know everyone will argue that you have no right to feel odd about her past and they may be right, but the point is that you DO feel weird about it, so talk to her. It's better to resolve your issues now than to wait til after the wedding to realise you may not be able to ever get over this.

Dragan

How would you feel if she told you she had a lesbian experience? Most likely a little turned on.

Your problem is you just don't like the thought of two dude ****ing your girlfriend.

If you can't handle her history then don't expect to remain in her present.

Pigletlover

I think some previous posters are being a bit harsh on the OP. I think he has every right to be a bit pissed off that his girlfriend had a threesome with 2 guys. And then showed him pictures of the guys involved!!! Fair enough it was in her past but why bring it up? Some things are better left unsaid.

The OP needs to tell his girlfriend that he is uncomfortabe picturing her with two other guys at once but he's willing to try and put it behind him (assuming he is of course), but in order to do this his grilfriend needs to agree not to bring up the subject again.

*Page*

She experimented, most people have tried different things.

what type of person lies to their partner about their past.

maybe this girl thought it was best to tell him the truth incase it came back to punch her in the face (the lie not the op)

vandermeyde

Fair enough, past sexual conquests are past sexual conquests....

but, breaking the news to your partner over a drinking game with company is not exactly the way to approach telling someone something like that and to further rub it in by picking out a pic of the two dudes from your photo album is also a tad OTT imho....

respect is a two way street.

Shinners23

Seriously Op, leave the past in the past. Many sexual encounters that I have had I will never disclose to my significant other... their are immaterial in the grand scheme of things (great fun though and I don't regret any of them!!!)

You need to build a bridge and get over it.

King of Kings

Marksie wrote: »

realising that you were not mature enough to handle it.

marksie , normally your advice is spot on. but i think you are way off the mark here. The OP has a right to feel uncomfortable -it's how he feels, it's nothing to do with maturity or immaturity.

some folk are ok with sexual exploration/experimentation etc and some are not.
It is only naturally for the OP to feel bad not only knowing this event(s) but to be confronted with pictures of the two "culprits" - in effect making it real for him.
Also the pic of those two are now in his house, presumably remaining there forever.
we have to respect that the OP is not comfortable knowing this about his gf.

Telling him to grow up , get over it etc.(most of the rest of you)
is not the way.
OP you need to talk to you gf on this issue and tell her how you feel if only to avoid bottling up your feelings cos will only cause you to explode in rage further down the line probably on some unrelated issue.

cance

lucky her!

past is past, if you let it affect your opinion of her she's better off without you.

CrazyNoob

OP her past is her past as is yours
Everyone makes mistakes learns grows etc and everyone has skeletons in the closet.


You have self esteem issues if you are effected by this, I suggest dealing with them

Lux23

I would feel the exact same way if I found out my partner had threesomes but I would have to admit that it would be pure jealousy that would be causing it all. If he loved me and cared for me I know I would just get over it. You have to.

Blackpitts

CrazyNoob wrote: »

OP her past is her past as is yours
Everyone makes mistakes learns grows etc and everyone has skeletons in the closet.


You have self esteem issues if you are effected by this, I suggest dealing with them

A mistake? why? clearly the OP's gf doesn't think she did something wrong and I agree with her.
I don't feel guilty about how many girls I've slept with in my past and there is no difference if I did with one or two in the same night.
The problem is more in the OP's head, he has to accept her past and try not to be intimidated by his own insecurity.
Maybe this song will give him a different point of view...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdmg0iPI5do

LegacyUser

CrazyNoob wrote: »

OP her past is her past as is yours
Everyone makes mistakes learns grows etc and everyone has skeletons in the closet.


You have self esteem issues if you are effected by this, I suggest dealing with them

to be honest id be horified as well if i found out the person i love was gangbanged
by two blokes. i think a lot of people would be and it noting to do with having
low self esteem (which seems to be the main cause of most PI's on here!)

what a absolute stupid thing for your girlfriend to tell you,
things like that are best kept to ones self.

seamus

I'd say part of it may be jealousy - why isn't she such a slut with me now?

I'm not overly enamoured with her method of revealing these things to you - perhaps she's trying to make you jealous to make things more passionate in your relationship (yes, some people think like that).

The problem is when you can't imagine someone doing something before they met you, it somehow makes them a different person in your head. If she told you she had been a wandering juggling acrobat for five years before she met you, that would be an equally surprising revelation, but would it make her a different person in your eyes? Probably not - the only difference is sex, allowing your own insecurity to get the better of you. She met you *after* she did this. Therefore the person that she was when she met you, is the same person who had a threesome. It doesn't change anything.

to be honest id be horified as well if i found out the person i love was gangbanged
by two blokes.

Another problem may be that people allow what they see in porn to run away in their heads. We don't know the details of this threesome. People see images of spitroasting and DP in their heads, when there's a good chance it was nothing like that at all. Unless the OP wants to know the gory details, he'd be better off assuming that it was less like porn and more like something you'd see in a movie (what was that film with one of the Baldwins?). I'm assuming that when the OP thinks threesome, he sees his girlfriend on her knees, head to toe in man-goo and two guys standing over her gripping her hair like a vice. Unless she does that now, I doubt she did it then.

Nevyn

seamus wrote: »

Unless the OP wants to know the gory details, he'd be better off assuming that it was less like porn and more like something you'd see in a movie (what was that film with one of the Baldwins?).

Threesome.
http://imdb.com/title/tt0111418/
Stephen Baldwin, very good movie on this subject. It is not porn but deals with the emotional bonding and the rollercoaster of the 3way relationship.

skywalker wrote: »

Ha. Exactly what I was gonna post. It really is tailor made for your PI.
You might now wanna watch it with the missus though :eek:

For you and your wife I would suggest that you what another movie with Stephen Bladwin in it.

The sex monster
http://imdb.com/title/tt0159730/

Marty Barnes gets more than he wishes for when he asks his wife to join him in a menage-a-trois. She loves it and he has created a Sex Monster.

Gemini Sister

TBH I know where the OP is coming from.

I'm a girl but an ex of mine once boasted that he been a threesome (one girl, two guys) and I wasn't even jealous, more like physically grossed out. (He also used to come out with such gems as 'all women are naturally bisexually' - spent his youth watchin too much porn, I tell ya! )

...So I don't think OPs reaction is simply immaturity. Alot of what society/porn tells us is perfectly normal is just not everyone's cup of tea, when faced with the reality of it.

Unfortunately OP can only visualise it, which is also often worse than the reality. Its a shame it came up they way it did, that was offensive.
But the past is another country. Different rules apply. And we've all done really silly things when young. The trick is discretion!

Try and put it behind you OP.

MagicMarker

I would be a little upset hearing that too...

First off, if my girlfriend did that i would be more pissed off that she told me rather than doing the actual act. And showing you pictures? WTF is that about?

There was absolutely no reason for that to come up, she should have kept schtum.

CrazyNoob

Blackpitts wrote: »

A mistake? why? clearly the OP's gf doesn't think she did something wrong and I agree with her.
I don't feel guilty about how many girls I've slept with in my past and there is no difference if I did with one or two in the same night.
The problem is more in the OP's head, he has to accept her past and try not to be intimidated by his own insecurity.
Maybe this song will give him a different point of view...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdmg0iPI5do

Blackpitts I wasnt stating she (his gf) made a mistake in having threesome, just everyone makes them ( she may regret it may not, personally I dont think she does but I dont have enough info to speculate on that one)

what she did in her past is good for her, no one else can be in her shoes
So what she does or does not do are all lessons learned

Personally I dont think she did anything wrong

And I agree with you its in his head
Thats why I said he (OP) has self esteem issues

Zulu

For all those in the "self esteem" boat, how would you like to know your mother was spit roased???

.
.
.
oh, all of a sudden it's uncomfortable?
Look the OP's reaction is perfectly normal. He doesn't like it. He's entitled to that. It's what happens next that's important. OP try not to think of it. But as others have mentioned, it was insensitive of her to point out these people in a photo. Bang out of line if you ask me.

Lawless_Samurai

Fair enough the past is the past but the whole showing pics of the two lads.... Thats gotta be a bit rough. Feel bad for ya OP

Kurumba

Zulu wrote: »

For all those in the "self esteem" boat, how would you like to know your mother was spit roased???

.
I agree with this, i can't see how having low self esteem has anything to do with this. I would be more worried if someone found this out and shrugged and said ' meh, big deal' at the thought of their partner with 2 other people at once. Thinking about 1 is bad enough.
The OP has what i would think is a normal reaction. It will pass if you try not to let your mind run away with you and imagine scenarios and pictures that most likely didn't happen.
She really shouldn't have told you that though.

vorbis

I'd echo the sentiment of showing you a PHOTO of the two lads involved!!!!

I would be seriously pissed off if my gf did something so insensitive to me. She really has no business telling you about the threesome. If she keeps it to yourself then its all fine. The only thing telling you does is make you feel really uncomfortable. Tbh what she did is bordering on nasty. I mean what were you supposed to say in response, "thats nice dear, what do you fancy for lunch"

Beetlebum

cance wrote: »

lucky her!

past is past, if you let it affect your opinion of her she's better off without you.

Better off without him because he feels uncomfortable picturing his fiance being f*cked by two other guys?? Jesus, give the guy a break. Nobody wants that mental image in their head and now that he's seen a picture of these guys it makes it all the more real to him. I'm sure he will get over it in time but it's understandable that he's a little thrown by the idea of it.
Better off without him? He's better off without without ridiculous comments like that.

derryman

spit roasted a couple of times - boasts about it in public - shows you the pics

get real, the difference here is that you are thinking of marrying this "lady", possibly having kids with her, binding yourself financially and "trusting" her

remember the scene in the sopranos - the hooker, the cop and the nasty one.

I would run a mile - threesomes are wrong.................... somethings awry, adventurous girls are fun all right but that's all, who needs the hassle?

davyjose

Yes ^^^ listen to this guy. One can imagine how happy he is. Op, seriously, good luck to you in finding a girl without a past, cos that's what you're saying you want.
It's not nice to think of your girl doing anything without you. Particularly sex. So don't think about it - instead look at every other girl on the street and remember that they've all done stuff that, after you fall for them, would be enough break your heart too.

Edit: and if you ever find yourself making major decisions because of a TV show, consider suicide.

Gemini Sister

Beetlebum wrote: »

Better off without him because he feels uncomfortable picturing his fiance being f*cked by two other guys?? Jesus, give the guy a break. Nobody wants that mental image in their head and now that he's seen a picture of these guys it makes it all the more real to him. I'm sure he will get over it in time but it's understandable that he's a little thrown by the idea of it.
Better off without him? He's better off without without ridiculous comments like that.

Agreed. I'd be way more worried if a guy I was with didn't mind seeing that photo.

OP, it's occurred to me that despite how it looks your gf is maybe a bit naive. Arguably sleeping with two randomers at the same time on holidays is pretty naive (but thats not really the issue here). But as one poster said it probably wasn't double penetration (I doubt that story would ever arise at party game time!). Maybe she just wanted to appear a bit worldly wise in front of her friends and 'sexy' in front of you - alot of girls nowadays are programed to think thats what guys want to hear? Your reaction has probably been a steep learning curve for her. At the end of the day, naivety is actually sweet.
You can't let her go over something like that

Andy-Pandy

Nothing wrong with it, if i was to be honest i would find it a bit of a turn on to know my girlfriend was that much of a minx. Nothing wrong with threesomes, foursomes or whatever, had some experiance with them ggb, bbg, ggbb and always had a great timenand to be honest it has always been the women that have instigated them.
I've always wondered if group sex is something that goes on a lot more than people say, or have i just had a very very lucky year.

Gemini Sister

derryman wrote: »

spit roasted a couple of times - boasts about it in public - shows you the pics

get real, the difference here is that you are thinking of marrying this "lady", possibly having kids with her, binding yourself financially and "trusting" her

remember the scene in the sopranos - the hooker, the cop and the nasty one.

I would run a mile - threesomes are wrong.................... somethings awry, adventurous girls are fun all right but that's all, who needs the hassle?

Thats a bit immature. If the poor girl didn't have the cop to keep her mouth shut at a dinner party, I doubt she's cynthia payne.
A really hardcore promiscuous type girl would not be shouting about it.

derryman

davyjose wrote: »

Yes ^^^ listen to this guy. One can imagine how happy he is. Op, seriously, good luck to you in finding a girl without a past, cos that's what you're saying you want.
It's not nice to think of your girl doing anything without you. Particularly sex. So don't think about it - instead look at every other girl on the street and remember that they've all done stuff that, after you fall for them, would be enough break your heart too.

Edit: and if you ever find yourself making major decisions because of a TV show, consider suicide.

Danyjose - frigging ecsatic actually, well educated, financially loaded, happy marriage with a gaggle of kids to a smart goodlooking woman with no history (we go back to school) - the TV scene was put in to portray low self esteem

everyone is missing the point here - the op is longterm with this girl and does not really know her - as I said above - is that the one you would like to marry

Gemini Sister

derryman wrote: »

Danyjose - frigging ecsatic actually, well educated, financially loaded, happy marriage with a gaggle of kids to a smart goodlooking woman with no history (we go back to school) - the TV scene was put in to portray low self esteem

everyone is missing the point here - the op is longterm with this girl and does not really know her - as I said above - is that the one you would like to marry

Do you base your opinion of someone on a single incident?

What if Miss 'No history' died or left you? Would you go looking for your next date at the debs (& good luck finding a virgin there!)

And another thing... the ladies who don't blab are often the ones with more going on... beware the quiet ones.

LegacyUser

Fair enough everyone has a past but you don't tell partner for the first time that you had a threesome when in front of friends.
If a guy had done that a lot of females would be on here saying he was an insensitive ass**** but for a girl it is naive.

The thing that really gets me and probably the OP is being shown picture of two guys and then being told that she had both of them together.

IMO she either wants to try get him in the mood and see if he will want to go for it
or
else she is plain cruel and is mind f**king him.
She already knows he wasn't happy the first time she blurted out about her threesome so why do it again and this time with pictures?

How would most posters here like their partners opening old photo album and going through pictures of their conquests/exs along with descriptions of how they liked to do it ?

Nevyn

derryman wrote: »

spit roasted a couple of times - boasts about it in public - shows you the pics

get real, the difference here is that you are thinking of marrying this "lady", possibly having kids with her, binding yourself financially and "trusting" her

remember the scene in the sopranos - the hooker, the cop and the nasty one.

I would run a mile - threesomes are wrong.................... somethings awry, adventurous girls are fun all right but that's all, who needs the hassle?

So really people who have had adventurous sex lives while they are younger never settle down and can't be good parents ?

What rubbish.

Everyone has different limits or expectations of their partners, for some their partners past sexual exploits are an issue for some it is not.

While threesomes are wrong for you in your life that is your moral choice and not everyone has the same morals as you.

derryman wrote: »

everyone is missing the point here - the op is longterm with this girl and does not really know her - as I said above - is that the one you would like to marry

Sounds like she is working that and is opening up and trusting him, would it be better she waiting until they were married ?

seamus

I didn't say that

sunnyjim

Mate, you're upset. Can't blame you. I'd be rightly pissed. Not with her for doing it, but for telling me.