Now I am angry

milkerman

Hi guys,
A few weeks back I told you about a sister in law that owed me money (10k). I flared up at a family get together and my wife was annoyed at me.

I still have not received one red cent.

I presumed that this lady had subsequently just gone to ground and was now avoiding us. My daughter tells me today that Auntie**** and my wife had lunch out during the week. I asked my wife if the lady had offered any repayment. My wife threw an 'eppy' and told me that she will talk to whoever she pleases and that I would not be so harsh on any of my own family.

I honestly feel that my wife is being very disloyal to this family unit by lunching out with someone that has effectively screwed us over.
To add insult to injury, the wagon has just enjoyed a three day break in Prague.

I didnt ask but I presume my wife paid for lunch.

I am ready to explode.

Jack Vegas

...and you have a genuine right to be angry.

I'm sorry, but 10k is 10k, and it's time to make this legal.

milkerman

The 10k I can earn again.
What do I do with the flippin other half?

mikemac

I remember that thread.
Informal approach hasn't worked OP. Time to get a solicitor or the local Sinn Fein rep

She thinks you're a soft touch,...........are you?

milkerman

No, I am not a soft touch. A hard hearted b*stard when the need arises.

But how do I get through to my wife that her dining with the sponging bitch is not right and that now we need to go legal or just right off her & the money as bad debts?

unreggd

Who lent ehr the money? Just you, or you and your wife?

At the end of the day its her sister, and maybe your wife doesnt shive a git because its not her money


But yeah, take legal action asap

curiousxxx1

I remember your previous post. Hmm, she still hasn't paid or offered to pay? Is she having a laugh? And your wife, erm its time to sit for a heart to heart... Clearly she doesn't understand how upset you are over this matter. If she did she wont go behind your back and see her sister.
It's sad but i agree that you need to see a solicitor, no one likes to take family to the courts but this seems neccessary. Let us know how you get on
Goodluck

pretty-in-pink

Talk to your wive about how upset you are over this. 10k is a lot of money. Its approx 6 months salary. For a lot of people. If your wife can have a subtle word, then you might not need to make this legal. Its a messy situation to be in. Best of luck with finding a solution- I hope it doesn't have to be a legal one.

Jesus Wept

Sorry to hear this OP, I recall the first thread.

How frustrating that your wife couldn't toe the same line at least for a while.
Her luncheon date has made it clear to her sister that she can get away with this sh1t.

milkerman wrote: »

The 10k I can earn again.
What do I do with the flippin other half?

You can but it would be a different 10k, you already earned the 10k in question, but you know this,
so I really just sympathise with this situation you are in.

ugh, money really shows peoples true colours.

leeroybrown

OP, I think that you have already alluded to the real problem above. The issue is not the recovery of the money, involvement of solicitors, etc, but a problem where your wife has sat back and let her sister take you for a ride. The real issue is the potential long term effects on your marriage and how you resolve this with your wife. Does she really realise how much of a problem this could become?

Carrigart Exile

OP i feel sorry for your wife who is between a rock and a hard place. Its still her sister. You probably need to let your wife know that you are going down the legal route and maybe that will spur her to have a tougher word with her sister before it gets in the hands of lawyers.

milkerman

Listen guys,
I would take this wagon through the courts without batting an eyelid. But, she is my wife's sister and I know that this would cause a domestic rift for me. My wife just keeps saying 'the money is coming, we cant add to her problems, she's had a hard time' etc. Maybe this woman has had her difficulties - but they are HER difficulties not mine.
I have had my difficulties, when we bought our first house it was like in that movie 'The Money Pit'. We worked hard for years to put everything right - we had eff all help from anyone, her sister never even visited and certainly never helped.

How the hell do I get through to my wife that this situation just is not on? How do I get her to see the reality of the situation? In my book you pay your debts above & before everything else - this wagon has had 3 foreign breaks this year not to mention a couple of weekends down the country. I have not had a break since July 06, I worked the full Bank Holiday weekend just gone to make Christmas that bit merrier. I must be a total f*ing idiot.

PeakOutput

milkerman wrote: »

How the hell do I get through to my wife that this situation just is not on? How do I get her to see the reality of the situation?

write out everything she has done this year and since you lent her the money

present this to your wife and ask her does it look like she is having a hard time? tell her that these are things that your family could be doing if she paid her debt back. then tell her how upset you are over her not being supportive of you and then say her sister has 14 days to make a payment or your going to a solicitor then ring her sister and tell her that yourself(dont let your wife do it)

i cant see this ending well by the way but you have to just bite the bullet NOW

davyjose

milkerman wrote: »

Listen guys,
I worked the full Bank Holiday weekend just gone to make Christmas that bit merrier. I must be a total f*ing idiot.

I hope that money is to buy the kids presents. You can get your wife a ten-euro voucher from Dunnes Stores, and next time she sees her sister she mightn't be so charitable.
TBH, your wife is being very unfair to you. She has no right to take the side of her sister over her own family. Because that's what she did. Anyway, like I said, maybe you need to be a bit meaner with the missus and let her see that 10 grand is 10 grand!!!

star-pants

Tough situation OP - I do sympathise, its hard to define lines when money & family overlap. Because everyone feels loyalty to someone. And I understand you wife trying to be nice about her sister (sibling bonds etc). And I would tend to be kind hearted in general.

However, its 10k, and she appears to be going off on holidays etc. Now even if the woman has problems (physical/mental/otherwise) you can only give so much lee-way before getting annoyed. Your wife may just be blinded by the fact it's her sister & she wants to take care of her to see the situation from the angle that you do.
I do suggest a heart to heart before taking any legal action, 10k is not worth a rift with the wife for. Hold on to all the patience you have and explain to her that you are only annoyed because her sister doesn't appear to be having a hard time (off holidaying etc) and ask her does she not see that? I know that even if it were my sister, unless I could see that she was in the rough, I'd be ticked off too with her going on hols when she clearly owed me a lot of cash.

Best of luck OP


edit : obviously I don't know your sister-in-law so I wouldn't like to presume she's a not nice person, she may have something seriously wrong that you don't know about - and perhaps your wife does. (that thought just occured to me)

dudara

micmclo Please do not advocate the use of violence on this forum.

dudara

blueskeys

nothing more 'i mean business' than a solicitors letter.
dont tell your wife, its gone beyond that. its sounds like its time to say 'enough is enough'.
i had a similar thing happen to me with a large amount of money owed to me and i still wouldnt have got the money back as if i didnt sort it legally.
people will take the piss if you let them.
its time to finally get what is rightfully yours (by the sounds of things)
if you are going to be a doormat, she'll keep on walking on you.

GhostInTheRuins

blueskeys wrote: »

nothing more 'i mean business' than a solicitors letter.
dont tell your wife, its gone beyond that. its sounds like its time to say 'enough is enough'.

I wouldn't advise doing this. The chances are it'll turn his wife and her whole family against him when they find out, and that's the last thing he needs.

Overheal

Ok im having this problem with someone myself over cash: WHO THE **** COLLECTS MONEY OFF PEOPLE AT CHRISTMAS?

sure tis 10k though.

Yea... take it legal though try to remember shes family.

ollyk1

My blood is boiling on your behalf sir! :mad::mad:


I really don't have a suggestion as only you know what's feasible given your spouses feelings on the subject.


No lending of cash to her family ever again. State this to your wife clearly that as her family can't be trusted with money that you are never lending them another euro. Then at least you might get an expensive but worthwhile lesson for your 10k.

The Sweeper

I don't remember your last thread, so sorry if I'm going over old ground - is the 'wagon' really having a hard time of it at the moment?

I know you are fuming over the money, but it's dangerous to try and come between your wife and her sister. Sisters can be closer even than a parent-child relationship. Your wife may feel really bad - really, really bad - over her sister doing you over like this, and her epic reactions every time you have a go could well be a reflection of how bad she feels about it.

Also, is there any chance the lunch date could have been for your missus to have a go at the sister about the debt?

Finally, if you want to see your wife take your side, tell her if she gets the money out of her sister she can buy herself a new car with it.

syklops

Can I suggest some restraint and get some facts together.

How does your reactions look to your wife? She obviously cant see through her sister, and if she thinks her sister is in a bad way financially, you will come across as Ebineezer Scrooge. Find the details of the "difficulty" that she is having, and offer to help. Invite her round for dinner, talk through her problem, if she is lying, or has no problem, she may have difficulty keeping the story up in front of you fo so long.

Electric

I remember your original thread. So let me get this straight you blew up at her the first time because she had borrowed the money off you and rather than pay you back she went on holidays. This caused huge ructions between you and your wife.

Now your saying that she has done the same thing again! FFS!

I'm sorry but you need to write down all your aggreviances and the timeline of these events and hand them to your wife. It's the only way that she'll see this is a reoccurring pattern.

I can understand how it would be hard for her. I am very protective of my family too! And I wouldn't let anyone say a word against them! That said I wouldn't allow them to abdicate their responsibilities.

Explain to your wife that this is putting real strain on your relationship. You don't wish for things to be it's me or them kind of thing but she needs to understand that 10k can really keep the wolf from the door. And while her sister may be in financial difficulties TWO holidays are not going to make them any better! The €1000 that she spent on Prague (I'm guessing here but if you worked it out I'm probably not that far off) would go a long ways to fixing her problems!

How you haven't throttled this wagon before is beyond me!

radioactiveman

How about giving her a reasonable date by which she should be able to pay the money back? You could agree this specific date with your wife and make it clear that if nothing is done by then, that you will contact your solicitor.
And if she doesn't pay, do contact your solicitor.

That way there's agreement with your wife - might be the way to go if you can get by financially for the moment. it would be a pity to let her irresponsibility com between you & your partner

milkerman

I am really annoyed with my wife. We talked on the phone this afternoon and when I told her of an appointment with our solicitor she said that she would not support any attempt on my part to recover our money in this way. She also said that if I insisted on pursuing it that she would 'gift' the money to her sister. She says that her sisters friendship is worth more than 10k any day.
I am speechless with anger.
I never signed up to this BS.

Storm_rages

Hi Op!
Wow! just a question is it your money or your wife's money or was it joint money?
if its your money i think i would be grabbing on to the cheque book until this is sorted.. Does your wife work? she seems to be on a different page to you and i'm thinking her sister has her wrapped around her finger. So sit your wife down and Calming ask her did she intend to give this to her sister as a present? Then find out what trouble her sister is in? and if these answers are not good enough make sure you keep hold of your own money.. (it may be too messy trying to get the rest back but don't let her get any more money off you.. )

chuckles30

Why is your wife prepared to hand over 10k so easily?? I seem to remember you saying in the last thread that you had no holiday this year, while the sister in law came back with a tan. Now she's been off to Prague. I don't think her life can be too bad!!!!!!! I'd have to work for a long time to save 10k. It's just not on. I can't believe she's depriving her sister & nieces and nephews out of a holiday while she swans off all over the place when she feels like it.

spinandscribble

did it come out of a joint fund?

she can make her half a gift, shes not entitled to make your 5 k a gift. tell your wife you want your half back. give her a list of all the holidays her sisters gone on since getting this money.

if she refuses to let you get your money back, see your solicitor.

she has no right to make your money a gift to this cow. your wife is being very unreasonable, backmailing you to keep quiet by threating to make your money become a gift.

Jesus Wept

Your wife doesn't understand the meaning of friendship.

She sounds pathetic tbh, I feel bad for saying that cause she is your wife, but she does.

spinandscribble

if i was your wife i'd want the ground to eat me up. most ppl wouldnt be giving you attiude over it like she is. talk calmly to her and explain to her this isnt normal.

Ger the man

If it were me I would leave the bills unpaid, if she has her own car put it in the buy and sell, she will quickly change her tune then. When the kids start asking about holidays next year or xmas point them in her direction, she created this mess behind your back, its up to her to fix.

skywalker

milkerman wrote: »

I am really annoyed with my wife. We talked on the phone this afternoon and when I told her of an appointment with our solicitor she said that she would not support any attempt on my part to recover our money in this way. She also said that if I insisted on pursuing it that she would 'gift' the money to her sister. She says that her sisters friendship is worth more than 10k any day.
I am speechless with anger.
I never signed up to this BS.

You really need to answer the question about qhos money it was that was lent in the first place, for people to proceed with advice from here.

Your 100% right to be so angry imo. Does your wife work?

vorbis

milkerman, for me your wife's behavior is coming very close to being a dealbreaker.
Is your marriage happy besides this incident? Your wife is siding with her sister in an issue where the sister is quite clearly wrong. Issues like this can end marriages.

I would go ahead with the legal action against the sister. If the wife "gifts" her the 5K, I would still look for the other half. As someone else said, only buy presents at Christmas for the kids. Your wife has a lot of making up to do.

Sam Vimes

have you shown your wife this thread and the previous one? maybe if she sees that no one agrees with her she'll have a change of heart

MagicMarker

If your wife is anything like her sister then you can say goodbye to that money altogether!

Time to take the bull by the horns methinks.

thecleverone

God, if it was me in this situation, i'd be p1ssed as well. But one thing about your posts that stand out (apart from the fact that your currently down 10K), and that is the tone of your postings. I know your p1ssed off with your wife (and rightly so), but i think before you talk about this with her again, you need to take a few deep breaths and calm down. Everything you have said so far is valid, e.g. the sister has had 2 holidays, you've had none, she's making no effort to pay back the money, she's basically taking the mick on this one. But sounds to me like your approaching this "all guns blazing" with your wife, and although she has not been supportive in anyway thusfar, maybe its the way your handling the conversations. If i was in her shoes, i'd feel like i was being personally attacked (not in the literal sense) as well as my sister and i'd immediately go on the defensive. If the rational, calm, sensible conversation gets you nowhere, then i would be seriously questioning your wifes loyalty to you.

antoinolachtnai

Forget about it. Treat the money like a gift. The money is gone. If it comes back, great, if it doesn't, who cares. You can earn the money again like you said. It's not viable to retrieve that money through the courts. It will cost too much and you probably won't get your money back anyway. Your wife knows she screwed up even if she doesn't admit it. Don't mess up your marriage over it. Mind you, set everything up so it can't happen again.

milkerman

My hands are tied on this one.
My wife works part time. My salary comprises 80/90% of the family income. The name on the account that the money came out of is irrelevant, we are married so all assets are owned 50/50.
My wife can be blind to some things and her family are very close knit.
Am I happily married? In so far as we have overcome difficulties in the past and came through them. I would do just about anything for her but this saga has rattled me.
I am now going to the pub and intend to get well & truly langers.
I will visit the bank tomorrow & set up a seperate account in my name only, I will have my salary redirected to this new account. I will pay to keep the household going, my wife can apply to her sister for money for her bits & pieces or earn it herself. I am thinking of taking the kids away for a break at Christmas, need to chill out beside a pool somewhere. Call it childish, but if my wife wants to tag along she can pay her own way or sort this thing out in the interim. Ones respect for money is directly proportional to the sweat expended in earning it.
Whiskey beckons.
So that is that.

echosound

Sounds just like the sharp shock to the system your wife needs if she's to see things clearly - loss of access to all your wages, with you retaining control on whatever is left over each week from running the household (so she can't go off and gift it to another needy relative) and realising that if she needs things that it's her sister that has deprived her of being able to afford these things may cop her on.

On the other hand though, it may also cause a huge rift and she will be able to paint you as the b*stard in all this, which you are not.
I agree with you that the respect for the money is directly in proportion to the sweat expended to acquire it, I didn't realise that going on your figures roughly 90% of the 10k was money earned by you. That is scandalous, and I would be as annoyed as you are if my spouse did that to me.
Enjoy the whiskey, and see if your wife sees some sense anytime soon. If she enquires as to why you are not paying for a break at christmas for her, explain that she can get her sister to pay for it out of her "prague" fund.
Good luck!:)

antoinolachtnai

This is a good idea, except I would bring your wife on holiday. It's only money and you'll only be upsetting the kids.

rymus

can't say I read the previous thread, but eh, I presume the sister isn't currently employed by anyone? That's the only reason I can see how she wouldn't be able to pay back at least a few hundred quid every month.

If she does have regular work and still somehow 'forgets' to pay you back, I think legal advice should be sought. Then you can decide if you want to act on that advice. The far far far more worrying fact here is that your wife is completely oblivious to the fact that her darling sister has made off like a bandit. I'd be massively interested in knowing where the 10k disappeared to. Paying off debts / drug habit / gambling / few holidays / new car etc..

If you haven't already had a chat with a solicitor, I'd make an appointment for one this week.

Fysh

Unless Auntie is buying the kids presents regularly, they'd probably rather see the family get back the 10k it's owed than just have a "lalala, pretend there's no problem and certainly no sizeable sum owed to us" holiday.

Being serious though, I'd suggest being careful how you approach the holiday. Setting up a separate account of your own from which you allocate money to running the household is one thing - your wife probably won't like it but so long as the household keeps running, she can't really complain too much (although given that being a homemaker is recognised for the work it entails, it may be worth bouncing off a solicitor beforehand). Regarding presents/the holidays at Xmas....it may seem like a good way of making a point to you, but it won't reflect well on you. If anything, it could be used by your wife to show you up as a git and, in the absolute worst case scenario, divorce you and get a sizeable chunk of your earnings every month without also being your life partner.

Re : showing the wife these two threads - I would be amazed if she gave a flying f*ck about what a load of strangers on the internet have to say about her stance and besides, how would she know it wasn't just made up?

I'd say proceed with caution about changing your banking setup, but you really need to find a way of sitting down with your wife as calmly as you can manage and explain that you're not satisfied with her sister's behaviour because her expenditures don't tally up to the behaviour of someone who's in financial difficulty. Bear in mind, however, that you may very well end up faced with a situation of your wife saying that she doesn't care if her sister is sponging her way through life because she's family - at which point you'll be possibly risking your marriage if you pursue the money further. (Not that I blame you for wanting to get it back, I'd be frothing at the mouth in your situation!)

I really would say think long and hard on this one, and get legal advice about the possible repercussions of any changes you make to your home finances - as I say, divorce is an absolute worst-case scenario, but it seems your wife is not one for compromise and this issue does seem to be coming between the two of ye.

vorbis

good plan milkerman. You say you earn 80% of the household income. I'd have to say your wife is taking you for granted by being so blase about gifting 10K of YOUR money to her sister. Enjoy the break at Christmas. Make sure you keep to your plan of making her pay to come along.

If you fold now, you'll set a very bad precedent for the future. Don't worry about causing a rift. The alternative is a spouse who has no respect for you.

Electric

Having a separate account for your wages is a good idea, though I would tell your wife that you are doing it first and explain why you are doing it. That way she has cause to flip out when she finds out about it!

Definitely go away for a break. Tell your wife that you no longer want to hear anything about her family she can keep it to herself. And as for bringing her sister out to lunch then she can pay for it herself, along with chipping in her fair share of the bills from her wages.

Having to fork out your hand earned cash on a sponge like her sister will soon hit home when she only has her part time wages to cover it

I agree with Electrics points.
However I think it is dispicable to use this problem as an excuse to get falling down drunk. Given that you have children.
I assume you have words with the wife today and the kids have picked up on an atmosphere. I feel sorry for them, that they are going to have to listen to you falling home tonight and put up with the brewery stench and bad atmosphere tomorrow morning.

vorbis

Moonbaby wrote: »

I agree with Electrics points.
However I think it is dispicable to use this problem as an excuse to get falling down drunk. Given that you have children.
I assume you have words with the wife today and the kids have picked up on an atmosphere. I feel sorry for them, that they are going to have to listen to you falling home tonight and put up with the brewery stench and bad atmosphere tomorrow morning.

huh
The OP is perfectly entitled to go and get drunk. Who are you, his mother?
I would expect there to be a bad atmosphere in the house. Its mainly due to the wife though.

hshortt

What value do you place on your marriage?
How would you like to see your kids only every other weekend?
How comfortable are you at home, in your own place, with your family around you?

It's very hard to put a price on any of these things, but maybe to you they will outweigh the 10K you are owed.

I see two choices, pursue it at all costs or let it go. What options do you see?

Why don't you run up a simple list with advantages/disadvantages of pursuing it, and then take a step back and ask yourself if you have decided points rationally. It's not in any way meant to be a plan of action, but you might come to another conclusion.

It's a shame that this happened. Best of luck in whatever option you go for?

Cheerio
Howard

Fanny Cradock

milkerman wrote: »

My hands are tied on this one.
My wife works part time. My salary comprises 80/90% of the family income. The name on the account that the money came out of is irrelevant, we are married so all assets are owned 50/50.
My wife can be blind to some things and her family are very close knit.
Am I happily married? In so far as we have overcome difficulties in the past and came through them. I would do just about anything for her but this saga has rattled me.
I am now going to the pub and intend to get well & truly langers.
I will visit the bank tomorrow & set up a seperate account in my name only, I will have my salary redirected to this new account. I will pay to keep the household going, my wife can apply to her sister for money for her bits & pieces or earn it herself. I am thinking of taking the kids away for a break at Christmas, need to chill out beside a pool somewhere. Call it childish, but if my wife wants to tag along she can pay her own way or sort this thing out in the interim. Ones respect for money is directly proportional to the sweat expended in earning it.
Whiskey beckons.
So that is that.

Careful now. You seem to be setting events in motion that could spiral put of control.

So you plan to set up a separate account and then you plan to go on holidays with the kids! Do you not realise how this could be COMPLETELY misconstrued by your wife. Really, this isn't a million mile away from separation, albeit temporary. As has been said, maybe you wife isn't simply going for lunch with her sister and passively standing by in the matter. It's more than likely she is trying to help you! This could quickly slip beyond mere money matters if you are rash.

vorbis wrote: »

If you fold now, you'll set a very bad precedent for the future. Don't worry about causing a rift. The alternative is a spouse who has no respect for you.

You have to love the irresponsible advice given on this forum. It's so easy to say, Vorbis, when the consequences aren't resting at your feet.

The Sweeper

The BAD IDEA BEARS have been to your house haven't they. (They're the ones who persuade you to buy a 24-case of beer because it's an economy saving over a six pack. And then they persuade you to drink it.)

Okay, let's start at the beginning.

1. Nobody who ever needs to borrow money off you will ever be able to easily afford to repay it as a lump sum. The whole point of them needing to borrow money from you is that they can't get that amount together themselves. After you loan them money, it may take years for them to get to a point where they can get that cash together and pay it back to you all in one go.
2. Lending someone money will almost always cause a row. Especially if it's done on a 'lump sum' basis. You'll expect it back by a certain date, they won't realise that, they'll be sitting hatching waiting to get enough cash to pay you back, you'll be festering while watching them spend.
3. If someone expects to pay you back in a lump sum, It isn't unusual for them to shell out on other things while they still owe you money. I have seen family, friends, and just random punters that I know, all of whom have loaned money in very different situations, get annoyed when they see the person who owes them money splash out on something else for themselves. The reasoning behind it is simple: "I am tired and stressed out because I am having difficulties. I owe Mick €10,000. I have €500. That isn't enough to pay Mick back, but it's enough for me to go away for a weekend, which may help me get my head around what's going on in my life."
4. A plan of manageable repayments is simply the only way to go when you lend someone money. They should appreciate they're not paying interest to the bank, and that's gift enough to them.

That's the money end of things.

On the 'Keeping your marriage sound for the sake of your children and your own life and not completely and utterly destroying everything that is important to you' front:

You have GOT to understand that what is bothering you about this is not the money, it's the fact that your wife isn't taking your side. The other responses on this thread are focusing on the cash aspect because it's such a large sum and the sister's behaviour appears to be so utterly unreasonable, and that reinforces the idea that your wife is betraying her loyalties to you. You're furious because your wife isn't taking your side, and you're doubly furious because she's not taking your side on something where you can so easily claim that you are in the right. This isn't one of those "grey area" rows couples have over personal time or the colour of the curtains. This is her sister owing you money and not making the slightest effort to pay you back.

Or to put a different light on it:

This is her sister owing you money and not making the slightest effort to pay you back.

That's what you're looking at pulling the plug on your marraige for - because let's face it, the poorly disguised power play that is you cutting off your income to your wife by opening a separate account WILL end your marriage. You're essentially punishing your wife because her sister is a shit for brains, and your wife still loves her.

This situation, the situation of the non-repayment, IS NOT YOUR WIFE'S FAULT.

You're going to end your marriage over your wife's sister, and money, because you didn't manage a repayment plan with the sister in the first place.

In other words, you're going to end your marriage because you didn't set very clear ground rules before you handed €10,000 of your money over to someone else, and your wife isn't taking your side. In fact, your wife sounds like she's trying to head a major schism off at the pass.

Don't ever, ever ask your parter to choose between you and their family. However long you have been on the scene, your partner's family have been around for at least twice that. The sister isn't an alcoholic drug addict who's coming around to your house to be a negative influence on your kids. She just owes you money she hasn't given you back.

What can your wife do to make this right for you? Would you like her to withdraw her love from her sister? Should she stop taking her calls? Should she write her a letter in red pen saying "You have betrayed my husband, I have no sister"?

Your wife can't make this right for you. She can't make her sister pay you back. She can't make you get over it. She hasn't stopped speaking to either of you yet. If I were her I'd probably be feeling like taking a bloody shotgun to the two of you - the sister for being so goddamned dumb and you for being like a bloody bull in a china shop over this. You and the sister have put her squarely in the middle, over money. The worst place to be, involving the worst cause of family fights. Gorgeous.

star-pants

Jebus thats some post -- darned right though -- you can't blame your wife for loving her sister. I'd really read what Minesajackdaniels said -- 10k is not worth losing your wife over.

Zen 2nd

Just forget about it. As crazy as that sounds, you have to do it!! If you continue to try and get the money it will put you through so much stress that at the end of it all will it be worth it?

Say to your wife that in future that all loans to people have to be agreed between yourselves so she doesn't go off and give the sister more money. If the sister comes back looking for more money, give her directions to the closest bank.