she wants marriage or nothing.

pj9999

I appreciate that it is only a month ago since I met a woman who I would be v happy to have as a life partner.

Like me, she's only interested in a long-term relationship, but unlike me, she's not willing to jump in the sack any time soon. She's had enough meaningless relationships, and until she sees evidence of commitment, it looks like anything sexual might be off the radar.

Personally I'd much prefer co-habiting to marriage. I've got a bit saved up; it's unlikely that she has. If we got married, then divorced, I'd probably get screwed.

I mention divorce because she has already suggested that if we were to get married, it would have to be in her home country, because they offer divorce on demand, as opposed to a 4yr process in Ireland, (though as we would be living in Ireland anyway,that might be irrelevant). I consider what she suggested as realistic and practical rather than sinister. (She has mentioned the festivities too for instance).

I will see her soon, and she will be interested to know what I thought about her pre-condition. Obviously we haven't been seeing each other long, so I know I'm within my rights to delay my answer for as long as I want.

I know it's negative thinking to not want to get married, because of the possiblity of getting robbed in a divorce court; but if it's the only way to have her, then I would probably agree to it. FWIW, I'm convinced that she is genuine (not a golddigger), and my guess is that if we were engaged (the "evidence of commitment") she would be happy for us to co-habit.

So... I've chased her. Now I've got her (subject to agreeing to "commit" to her). I should be happy...hell I am... I'm very happy.

I'm not thinking lucidly enough to finish with a question, but I'd welcome any comments...

Many Thanks
P

Selik

Run my friend my friend, and run fast...

longshanks

get out of there quick

macshadow

Run as fast as your legs will go.




Sorry i couldn't resist:D

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU13MRtSD7E

seamus

This all sounds very odd, I would try to look at it without the rose-tinted glasses.

The first thing that jumps out at me is the fact that she only wants a serious commitment, but wants to get married elsewhere so she can get a quickie divorce if she needs to. For me, those two ideas are completely in opposition. Wanting a possible quickie divorce implies that there is no serious commitment. If you're looking to marry a person, divorce should be the last thing on your mind. If you think marriage and one of your first thoughts is, "What happens if I want to get divorced", then you shouldn't be getting married in the first place.

She's foreign, yes? Non-EU? And you're Irish and relatively wealthy. As much as you think this woman lights up the night sky, you have to examine her motives.

Jesus Wept

Good god run.

Time Magazine

Run. Faster man, faster.

LegacyUser

pj9999 wrote: »

I appreciate that it is only a month ago since I met a woman who I would be v happy to have as a life partner.

Like me, she's only interested in a long-term relationship, but unlike me, she's not willing to jump in the sack any time soon. She's had enough meaningless relationships, and until she sees evidence of commitment, it looks like anything sexual might be off the radar.

Personally I'd much prefer co-habiting to marriage. I've got a bit saved up; it's unlikely that she has. If we got married, then divorced, I'd probably get screwed.

I mention divorce because she has already suggested that if we were to get married, it would have to be in her home country, because they offer divorce on demand, as opposed to a 4yr process in Ireland, (though as we would be living in Ireland anyway,that might be irrelevant). I consider what she suggested as realistic and practical rather than sinister. (She has mentioned the festivities too for instance).

I will see her soon, and she will be interested to know what I thought about her pre-condition. Obviously we haven't been seeing each other long, so I know I'm within my rights to delay my answer for as long as I want.

I know it's negative thinking to not want to get married, because of the possiblity of getting robbed in a divorce court; but if it's the only way to have her, then I would probably agree to it. FWIW, I'm convinced that she is genuine (not a golddigger), and my guess is that if we were engaged (the "evidence of commitment") she would be happy for us to co-habit.

So... I've chased her. Now I've got her (subject to agreeing to "commit" to her). I should be happy...hell I am... I'm very happy.

I'm not thinking lucidly enough to finish with a question, but I'd welcome any comments...

Many Thanks
P

run forrest RUN!!!

pj9999

Ah... I've made her sound so bad...I really think she's a nice genuine person.

Fact is whoever I choose to marry, I will be thinking about the consequences of divorce myself. (Call me negative, but I'm old enough to expect the worst, but hope for the best). I do not see it v odd that she is practical enough to be same.

She has been deeply hurt by previous relationships with Irish men, and has felt used. She is fed up of dead-end relationships.

I will be patient, and not try to force her into co-habiting, but equally I will not get engaged to her any time soon.

She is of course within her rights to keep me away from her bed for as long as she wants.

Jesus Wept

Is there any reason to get married?

Has she explained why she wants to get married? Sounds like she just making an ultimatum.

pj9999

The rigger..... "evidence of commitment", is how she stated it, which I think at a certain stage in life is reasonable. I don't think she meant for us to then "rush into marriage".

But she did state, that if we were to get married, it would have to be in the foreign (EU) jurisdiction. It's not romantic admittedly, but I'm as practical as her, and realise the argument for trying to avoid the lengthy Irish divorce procedures if it ever came to it.

jimmycrackcorm

Run like the wind, preferably a gale force nine...

thefinalstage

pj9999 wrote: »

The rigger..... "evidence of commitment", is how she stated it, which I think at a certain stage in life is reasonable. I don't think she meant for us to then "rush into marriage".

But she did state, that if we were to get married, it would have to be in the foreign (EU) jurisdiction. It's not romantic admittedly, but I'm as practical as her, and realise the argument for trying to avoid the lengthy Irish divorce procedures if it ever came to it.

She sounds like she wants your money. Lets review, you met her a month ago right? She was all teary eyed and broken hearted about the other Irish men who had used her. She wants a commitment from a wealthy guy, in her own country so as to get divorced quicker? You say she wants the option to divorce you for practicality? Why? Because she isn't sure if she loves you? Spend some time together than! She is a con woman by the sounds of it. Get married here if you really want too even after getting to know her.

BTW: You will be in her territory if you do decide to get married in her country. So prepay everything and carry no cash or credit cards while there and lock up your passport. Unless you want to get robbed...

Carrigart Exile

mention a pre-nup in which she agrees to leave with nothing other than that she brought to the marraige.............I think she may leave skid marks as she runs away

Mike...

is she from a eu country?
maybe your her ticket to a irish passport

Carrigart Exile

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

mention a pre-nup in which she agrees to leave with nothing other than that she brought to the marraige.............I think she may leave skid marks as she runs away

If it's possible, I'd second this one.
Otherwise, just run away.

The Hill Billy

I've read PJ's posts & there's all talk of "relationship", "commitment", "marriage", blah-de-blah... Four instances of "divorce/d" - Not one mention of "love".

PJ - You hardly know this woman & already she's laying down the law about what jurisdiction you get married in, so that divorce when it comes will be quicker for her. "It's not romantic admittedly" - No shít Sherlock.

No disrespect PJ - but you need to get your ears checked - because I can hear the fcuking alarm bells ringing from here.

uberwolf

your thread title is misleading.

The marriage and sign of commitment are different beasts? at leasts thats the way your clarifications sound. As you say, she's entitled to sleep with you when she's ready, no sooner - this isn't marriage though. I'd be happy to let this side of things play out.

In a separate converstation you passed over the practicalities of marriage? Does her jurisdiction recognise pre-nups?

Froot

Get a prenuptual agreement. If she doesn't agree to that then she is obviously a stupid bitch a you should not marry her.

Q.E.D.

Capt'n Midnight

off the wall suggestions more to see which way the discussion goes, but could be seen as sabotaging the relationship

first one, prenuptial clause, IIRC they aren't worth the paper they are written on here where tha assets are , but would be interesting to see how she would react to not getting 50% of your worldy goods. Then again if she was only looking for citizenship it would be a non-issue, or if she loved you

second one, could you agree to no nookie until the wedding day as your commitment , but make it clear that any wedding would not be happening this year or next year to see if she is going to hang in there for the long haul

LegacyUser

You can't get a pre-nup in Ireland (as far as i know...correct me if i'm wrong) but i believe you should at least assume there is and say it to her about how you would want her to sign a pre-nup...

To be honest, she sounds like a scammer.

gcgirl

run to the hills my friend !!

LegacyUser

Perhaps you should suggest as a sign of her commitment to you that you get married here, without a quickie divorce system it will cement your commit too each other that much more.

On a side note, I'd personally have started running by now.

metrovelvet

I dont think this is as bad as everyone else seems to think.

It's a bit soon to be pushing for marriage but it could be an insecurity inspired response to previous heartbreak, getting dicked over, whatever you want to call it...

Not getting the milk until you buy the cow eh? [Dont knock it it worked for centuries.]

Perhaps it would be wise to take the pressure off and put it up for discussion in another six months or so?

Secondly, the fact is marriages fail all the time and divorce is an ever present possibility. EVERYONE who gets married thinks this will last forever, and well, lo and behold some of them don't for whatever reasons. Should this happen, wouldnt you want to be able to divorce as cheaply and quickly as possible, without being locked into a legal system which is backlogged and overpriced and which FORCES you to stay married for five or more years then you have to be.

The sure thing that will make this fail is doubt - on both of your parts - its a sure poison. Its important to be faithful.

metrovelvet

metrovelvet wrote:

Not getting the milk until you buy the cow eh? [Dont knock it it worked for centuries.]

Yeah, but now we have paternity tests so it's not relevant anymore.

metrovelvet

bluewolf wrote: »

Yeah, but now we have paternity tests so it's not relevant anymore.

Huh? Can you explain what you mean?

chump

How you ever sat there and listened to her express those opinions is beyond me. I would have done the walk backwards and nod trick, and as soon as I turned the corner would have rannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

AngryBadger

Evil begone!

metrovelvet

metrovelvet wrote: »

Huh? Can you explain what you mean?

Waiting til marriage now wouldn't have the same reasons it would have had way back when.

metrovelvet

Oh you mean because you only got child support if you were married?

What have dna tests got to do with it?

metrovelvet

metrovelvet wrote: »

Oh you mean because you only got child support if you were married?

What have dna tests got to do with it?

What? No.
Er, I have the feeling this is a bit OT so I'll cut it off here.

PM'd.

metrovelvet

Ok. But you said withholding sex until marriage wasnt relevant anymore because of paternity tests. I dont get what you're saying.

Gone West

I wonder how many times shes done this before?

Teller

Pre-nup!!!!!!!!

Simi

Teller wrote: »

Pre-nup!!!!!!!!

Pre-nups are not legally valid in Ireland no matter how many times you shout it!

thefinalstage

Simi wrote: »

Pre-nups are not legally valid in Ireland no matter how many times you shout it!

Maybe they are in her country?

dudara

Posters, please leave the legal aspects of this discussion alone.

dudara

LegacyUser

I didn't think this before...but I do now...is this ultimatum she is putting to you not a form of blackmail? You only met her a month...this is dodgy stuff OP.

lolli

After a month you couldnt possibly know if you want to be with this woman or not. Just sit down and explain go her that you need to get to know each properly before you can make a commitment like that. During the first while people tend to put on a front, they show you what they think you want to see. Its only after a while that we let our guard down and show our true selves.

"if you want to know me come live with me"

Don't make any decisions that you know you are going to regret in the future. Explain to her that you are looking for a long term relationship but you arent willing to rush into a marriage with a person you barely know.

Best of luck, hope everything works out for the best.

Churchy

Run , Run , Run!

1 month , withholding intimacy (due to others , yeah) , get married - in another country.
This isnt a fairytale - you will get fleeced.

Either she is a con artiste or you have an extremely low opinion of her.
Not grounds for a realtionship much less a marraige.

pj9999

Ok ye can stop telling me to run now. Whether ye're right or wrong my hole is burst open from laughing... (Hill Billy (post#24 hearing the fcuking alarm bells ringing LOL)

She's from the EU. Doesn't want me for my passport.

I agree that my title was mis-leading. Should have said "she wants commitment or nothing". Like metrovelvet suggested, she feels she has enough of being dicked over, which is fair enough. She didn't come to me with "teary-eyed" memories of previous bf's.

Up until recently, she was not giving any positive signs of interest - the opposite in fact. e.g. she told me that "I should keep my door open", and that she didn't see a future for us, because we weren't communicating "like old friends". Defo negative stuff.

TBH I think it might be the fact that I've got a nice family (she's met a few of them now and they think she's ok), that might have tipped the scales in my favour.

Yes, more mentions of "divorce" than "love" in these early stages.... but we're not starry-eyed teenagers. I know for a fact that I could love her, and I think that she has realised that she could come to love me in a solid relationship.

So no... I won't be running... she's gorgeous, and a v clever (but ye know that). I will defo be taking my chances one way or the other.

I'll see her tonight, so we'll see how it goes.

LegacyUser

Great you seem to have your own mind made up...Fact of the matter is: You know nothing about this girl yet.

MagicMarker

pj9999 wrote: »

Ok ye can stop telling me to run now. Whether ye're right or wrong my hole is burst open from laughing... (Hill Billy (post#24 hearing the fcuking alarm bells ringing LOL)

She's from the EU. Doesn't want me for my passport.

I agree that my title was mis-leading. Should have said "she wants commitment or nothing". Like metrovelvet suggested, she feels she has enough of being dicked over, which is fair enough. She didn't come to me with "teary-eyed" memories of previous bf's.

Up until recently, she was not giving any positive signs of interest - the opposite in fact. e.g. she told me that "I should keep my door open", and that she didn't see a future for us, because we weren't communicating "like old friends". Defo negative stuff.

TBH I think it might be the fact that I've got a nice family (she's met a few of them now and they think she's ok), that might have tipped the scales in my favour.

Yes, more mentions of "divorce" than "love" in these early stages.... but we're not starry-eyed teenagers. I know for a fact that I could love her, and I think that she has realised that she could come to love me in a solid relationship.

So no... I won't be running... she's gorgeous, and a v clever (but ye know that). I will defo be taking my chances one way or the other.

I'll see her tonight, so we'll see how it goes.

ah sure go for it. I mean, if you're sure you COULD love her and likewise on her part, then surely that's enough for a marriage. :rolleyes:

What i'm getting from your post is that you just want to marry some hot european chick. Maybe because you normally don't get the goodlooking ones? Who knows.

pj9999

pj9999 wrote:

Yes, more mentions of "divorce" than "love" in these early stages.... but we're not starry-eyed teenagers. I know for a fact that I could love her, and I think that she has realised that she could come to love me in a solid relationship.

So no... I won't be running... she's gorgeous, and a v clever (but ye know that). I will defo be taking my chances one way or the other.

You want to talk about marriage and divorce before you love them... right.
Are you desperate or something? Honestly, like, you seem like you just want to settle down with someone you get on ok with because it's your last chance or something.

LegacyUser

It's depressing to be honest...

chump

cheesedude wrote: »

It's depressing to be honest...

A match made ... on paper (in theory)

echosound

So she said she likes your family, but she only "might" come to love you AFTER marriage???? Tell her to marry your family then.:rolleyes:
Seriously man, this sounds pure and utterly nuts. Talking about getting married and then seeing if you love each other? In most western societies, this normally happens the other way round - honestly, I cannot see the reasoning behind this idea to go get married/engaged right now this very second and see what happens - how much worse would it be if you split up and not only have to deal with the emotional fallout, but all the legal wrangling too? nuts nuts nuts.

Seems to me she thinks you as a "package" shapes up decently enough - you've got money, a nice family, and she supposes she might come to love with with enough time. Personally, if that was said to me, I'd be dumping there and then quicksmart. Not much of a compliment to be told - yeah I like your family and your money, I don't love you, but can I marry you anyway?

Well, give it time, and see how you feel, it's madness to go get married first and then see if you're suited. That's not what marriage is about. Co-habiting should be enough of a "commitment" for you both for the moment, put off the nuptials until you both really want to cement your relationship legally.

I cant' believe someone would actually seriously consider what you are considering doing!

speaktofrank

I can't believe you are getting yourself into this either. First off you have known her for a month, why would you even consider getting married? If you do decide to get married, what's to say she will sleep with you then? If she's from U country then fine, its not a visa thing but still sounds dodgy to me. Have you met her family? Do you know where she lives?
run away, or slow it down. either way you need to let her know that you are boss. She sounds like a right diva to me

IncredibleHulk

pj9999 wrote: »

I appreciate that it is only a month ago since I met a woman who I would be v happy to have as a life partner.

Like me, she's only interested in a long-term relationship, but unlike me, she's not willing to jump in the sack any time soon. She's had enough meaningless relationships, and until she sees evidence of commitment, it looks like anything sexual might be off the radar.

Personally I'd much prefer co-habiting to marriage. I've got a bit saved up; it's unlikely that she has. If we got married, then divorced, I'd probably get screwed.

I mention divorce because she has already suggested that if we were to get married, it would have to be in her home country, because they offer divorce on demand, as opposed to a 4yr process in Ireland, (though as we would be living in Ireland anyway,that might be irrelevant). I consider what she suggested as realistic and practical rather than sinister. (She has mentioned the festivities too for instance).

I will see her soon, and she will be interested to know what I thought about her pre-condition. Obviously we haven't been seeing each other long, so I know I'm within my rights to delay my answer for as long as I want.

I know it's negative thinking to not want to get married, because of the possiblity of getting robbed in a divorce court; but if it's the only way to have her, then I would probably agree to it. FWIW, I'm convinced that she is genuine (not a golddigger), and my guess is that if we were engaged (the "evidence of commitment") she would be happy for us to co-habit.

So... I've chased her. Now I've got her (subject to agreeing to "commit" to her). I should be happy...hell I am... I'm very happy.

I'm not thinking lucidly enough to finish with a question, but I'd welcome any comments...

Many Thanks
P

RUN AND DONT LOOK BEHIND YOU

Carrigart Exile

OP its clear you are in the first flush of love/lust with the lady; its a great feeling so enjoy every minute. But I think everyone is saying the same thing, just protect yourself.