my hammering story .........

magick

I remember I was hammering on a fence in the backyard when my dad approached me. He was carrying a letter or something in his hand, and he looked worried. I continued to hammer as he came toward me. "Son," he said, "why are you hammering on that fence? It already has plenty of nails in it." "Oh, I'm not using nails," I replied. "I'm just hammering."

With that, I returned to my hammering. Dad asked me to stop hammering, as he had some news. I did stop hammering, but first I got a couple more hammers in, and this seemed to make Dad mad. "I said, stop hammering!" he yelled. I think he felt bad for yelling at me, especially since it looked like he had bad news. "Look," he said, "you can hammer later, but first--" Well, I didn't even wait to hear the rest.

As soon as I heard "You can hammer," that's what I started doing. Hammering away, happy as an old hammer hog. Dad tried to physically stop me from hammering by inserting a small log of some sort between my hammer and the fence. But I just kept on hammering, 'cause that's the way I am when I get that hammer going. Then, he just grabbed my arm and and made me stop. "I'm afraid I have some news for you," he said. I swear, what I did next was not hammering.

I was just letting the hammer swing lazily at arm's length, and maybe it tapped the fence once or twice, but that's all. That apparently didn't make any difference whatsoever to Dad, because he just grabbed my hammer out of my hand and flung it across the field. And when I saw my hammer flying helplessly through the air like that I just couldn't take it.

I burst out crying, I admit it. And I ran to the house, as fast as my legs could take me. "Son, come back!" yelled Dad. "What about your hammer?!" But I could not have cared less about hammering at that point. I ran into the house and flung myself onto my bed, pounding the bed with my fists.

I pounded and pounded, until finally, behind me, I heard a voice. "As long as you're pounding, why not use this?" I turned, and it was Dad, holding a brand-new solid-gold hammer. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and ran to Dad's outstretched arms.

But suddenly, he jumped out of the way, and I went sailing through the second-story window behind him. Whenever I hear about a child getting in trouble with the drugs, I like to tell them this story.

Rob_l

That story has now made me want to give up the drugs!

c - 13

At his point i'd just like to say ..... WTF ?

uoluol

Huh???

Hellm0

Is this meant to mean something? Because if it is then either A) I'm not in the know and this is some kind of private joke. OR Your insane.

Beruthiel

I'm going with B

Dancor

I think the ''Hammer'' in the story is an analogy for..............









YORE MA

kev_s88

i think dancor has hit the nail on the head....with a hammer!!

delly

-1 Rep

Pherekydes

But what was in the letter? 10 penalty points? A court order from the girlfriend? Your conscription papers? Leaving results? What?

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

maybeit's because I'm stoned, but I don't get it

ballooba

Google the story.

c - 13

ballooba wrote: »

Google the story.

Have done, its not helping TBH

Krieg

All I read was... "Hammer"...

Jumpy

I suspect its going to be another rickroll thing.

biko

"If the only tool you have is a hammer every problem tends to look like a nail"
Old wise person

SUNGOD

love it ,must be the screen play for the next coen brothers film

whiskeyman

he must have been hammered posting it...

shrapnel222

Mordeth wrote: »

maybeit's because I'm stoned, but I don't get it

the only guy who's hammered doesn't get it. what chance does the rest of us have?

edit: damn, whiskeyman nailed it before me

togster

What a load of bollix.

shrapnel222

by the way, as he jumped out the window, the guy grabbed the solid gold hammer, sold it, bought lots of drugs and died of an overdose that night.

Cuddlesworth

I quite like this story, you can't get a more compelling and emotional tale then a long winded drama involving a boy and his hammer.

magick

krazy_8s wrote: »

I quite like this story, you can't get a more compelling and emotional tale then a long winded drama involving a boy and his hammer.

exactly

johnny_adidas

the moral of the story is keep annoying your parents until they buy you a gold hammer

Pompey Magnus

I liked it. It made me think...about hammering stuff.

jimbozo

That hammer story is a classic, heres another:

"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy."

Plenty more here
Written originally for Saturday Night Live by Jack Handey

Also some very funny articles he wrote for the New Yorker Magazine
Ideas for Paintings
My Nature Documentary

Jigsaw

STOP...........................











Hammertime.

Jigsaw

Jigsaw wrote: »

STOP...........................

Hammertime.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v353/boneyarsebogman/xppngphp0hh.png

Uhm.

What in the hell was that story all about?

It's kinda obvious the lad would've prefered nails to a hammer.

5starpool

No matter how happy you are with your current hammer, there is always a bigger and better hammer that you will die to have.

mawk

shrapnel222 wrote: »

the only guy who's hammered doesn't get it. what chance does the rest of us have?

edit: damn, whiskeyman nailed it before me

AAAAANNND ITS SHRAPNEL COMING UP FAST ON THE INSIDE LANE!!

Dampsquid

The day the internet died