Brothers a lunatic!

Dub_girl_101

Hi, I know I've already posted here recently but I really have no one else to talk to this about. I've told my friend and her reaction was the same as mine "complete shock".

Basically, my brother is 24 yrs old. He spent 4 years in a course and did very well but then decided the course was not for him. So, he took a year off. During this year he completely dossed, spent all day in the house, waking up early afternoon, bumming in front of the tv and spending hours on the computer. Because of this he became really snappy and arrogant and just really an abnoxious person. Sure living that routine for a year is bound to turn you into that. But now he has a job and is working 9-5 so hes a little more relaxed.

But I'm actually afraid of him. The way he treats me is insane! If I'm on the computer and he wants it, he demands it. If I say "can you give me 5 mins?" it turns into an argument trying to get him to allow me those 5 mins. He goes insane. Starts cursing, throwing books around the room, stuff at my head and kicking the back of my chair! Then he turns off the computer, drags me out and locks the door and uses the computer! What!?! How on earth can someone react this way to someone asking for a simple 5 mins on the computer!

When I was younger I remember he would grab me by the back of my neck and put my head under the tap and run the water over me when he got stressed with me. Now hes turned even more aggresive and has even gone as far as throwing a chair at me and pushing me into the tv. The other night I had to lock the door of my bedroom because he was p*ssed off with me over something very small and I was afraid he would do something.

What I can't understand is my parents are not pushed to intervene in these situations. Instead my mum takes to sitting at her desk working 24hrs and letting us handle our arguments ourselves. But I cant stand up for myself againt him. He's a 24 yr old lad, I'm a 17yr old girl. He just has really aggressive tendencies and I don't know where it's all come from. He used to be so sweet and caring and really a relaxed laid back sort of person but in the past year he's changed enormously! I'm afraid to even talk to him for fear he'll pick me up on something wrong. So, what am I supposed to do? Does anyone else think there is something majorly wrong here? I don't know maybe this all ties in with my other problem.

Sorry for posting again, just had no where else to bring this.

l3LoWnA

Dub_girl_101 wrote: »

Hi, I know I've already posted here recently but I really have no one else to talk to this about. I've told my friend and her reaction was the same as mine "complete shock".

Basically, my brother is 24 yrs old. He spent 4 years in a course and did very well but then decided the course was not for him. So, he took a year off. During this year he completely dossed, spent all day in the house, waking up early afternoon, bumming in front of the tv and spending hours on the computer. Because of this he became really snappy and arrogant and just really an abnoxious person. Sure living that routine for a year is bound to turn you into that. But now he has a job and is working 9-5 so hes a little more relaxed.

But I'm actually afraid of him. The way he treats me is insane! If I'm on the computer and he wants it, he demands it. If I say "can you give me 5 mins?" it turns into an argument trying to get him to allow me those 5 mins. He goes insane. Starts cursing, throwing books around the room, stuff at my head and kicking the back of my chair! Then he turns off the computer, drags me out and locks the door and uses the computer! What!?! How on earth can someone react this way to someone asking for a simple 5 mins on the computer!

When I was younger I remember he would grab me by the back of my neck and put my head under the tap and run the water over me when he got stressed with me. Now hes turned even more aggresive and has even gone as far as throwing a chair at me and pushing me into the tv. The other night I had to lock the door of my bedroom because he was p*ssed off with me over something very small and I was afraid he would do something.

What I can't understand is my parents are not pushed to intervene in these situations. Instead my mum takes to sitting at her desk working 24hrs and letting us handle our arguments ourselves. But I cant stand up for myself againt him. He's a 24 yr old lad, I'm a 17yr old girl. He just has really aggressive tendencies and I don't know where it's all come from. He used to be so sweet and caring and really a relaxed laid back sort of person but in the past year he's changed enormously! I'm afraid to even talk to him for fear he'll pick me up on something wrong. So, what am I supposed to do? Does anyone else think there is something majorly wrong here? I don't know maybe this all ties in with my other problem.

Sorry for posting again, just had no where else to bring this.

I'd say you're just a really annoying person!!!! :rolleyes:

Ah no, I'm kidding. My brother is the exact same with me! Dunn ohow "normal" it is but he's agressive and an all 'round a$$hole most of the time. Has no respect for me as a person whatesoever, spends hours on the comp and then gets snappy!

I just live with it - fuggit, two of my friends lost brothers (both in their twenties) very tragically in the last few months so there's two family who will never have their brothers around to annoy them anymore. All concerned are totally heart-broken and devastated and life will never be the same for any of them! Imagine what their Christmas is going to be like?! You'd be sorry if he was gone! I know it's annoying, why don't you save and buy a laptop for yourself though? Something like that help?!

Dizzyblonde

I think you really need to sit your parents down and tell them just how afraid of your brother you are. If you think this won't work then maybe write them a letter?
Older brothers can be bullies but if you're living with real fear then your parents need to know. You're an easy target for his aggression, being female and younger.
Maybe he's unhappy or depressed, but taking it out on you isn't an option. You're still a minor and your parents have an obligation to protect you.

Dudess

But this goes beyond typical "annoying brother" behaviour. OP, he's bullying you. You say he used to be so sweet and nice but you also describe how he would get aggressive with you when you were younger, so this appears to be more than simply a phase caused by his frustration regarding his college/job situation. His behaviour is absolutely unacceptable. And even less understandable now that he has a job. Talk to others in the house about it. Your mum's decision to stick her head in the sand is mind-boggling. What about your dad/step-dad? Any other siblings?

Dub_girl_101

l3LoWnA wrote: »

I know it's annoying, why don't you save and buy a laptop for yourself though? Something like that help?!

I have considered this and would love to if...

1) I wasn't broke!
2) My parents don't seem to like the idea of me having a laptop in my room, talk about showing a real lack of trust eh!? :rolleyes:

Dizzyblonde wrote: »

I think you really need to sit your parents down and tell them just how afraid of your brother you are. If you think this won't work then maybe write them a letter?
Older brothers can be bullies but if you're living with real fear then your parents need to know.
Maybe he's unhappy or depressed, but taking it out on you isn't an option. You're still a minor and your parents have an obligation to protect you.

This is what I though. My parents do have an obligation to protect me and to correct him but my dad could not be bothered at all. Himself and my mum are just always working. I come home in the evening and my dad is either on the phone all night, even during dinner or he goes aot on about 3 calls. My mum then just sits at her laptop workingall the time. Theres a real lack of communication in the family but no one other than me is willing to do something about it. I'm actualy sick of it, becuase if you've read my other thread you will see that my social life isn't great so the fact that my family one isn't either kinda puts things into perspective!

He blames me and my past problems in school etc for his anger and frustration. Hes told my mum that he just can't stand me and that I'm the cause of his anger. I was so upset when I heard this cuz I don't know what it is I'm doing, and to be honest I don't think I'm doing anything, I think hes using this as an excuse. I generally keep things to myself, I don't like telling others my stresses or whatever it is cuz I don't want to inflict stress upon others if you get me?

Dudess wrote: »

But this goes beyond typical "annoying brother" behaviour. OP, he's bullying you.
Your mum's decision to stick her head in the sand is mind-boggling. What about your dad/step-dad? Any other siblings?

As I said above my dad and mum like to "avoid stress" so leave it all up to us to sort out our differences. I don have another brother whos 21 but he stays well out of it aswell. So, I have no idea.

Thanks very much for all the replies!

wireless101

This is not a case of your brother 'annoying you'

If you find that you have to lock yourself into a room when he gets into a rage then he has a problem, and you are in danger. I am not suggesting that he would maliciously try to hurt you, nut when people get into a rage, who knows what can happen and I know this myself. My brother is 18 and I'm 17 and so we often used to get into fights over small things and though we never intented to hurt each other, we gave each other a couple of injuries out of rage, but nothing serious thankfully.

You need to highlight this issue to your parents, and tif they don't listen, then to somebody who will. Your brother needs to learn to control his anger, and until he manages this you shouldn't be alone in the house with him.

FranchisePlayer

l3LoWnA wrote: »

I just live with it - fuggit, two of my friends lost brothers (both in their twenties) very tragically in the last few months so there's two family who will never have their brothers around to annoy them anymore.

Yeah that happened to me aswell.:(:(But I don't think the op's brother is just at the annoyance stage all brother's annoy but actually having full on Tantrum's when the Op wants to use the P.C is a step up from just normal sibling rows..

Placebo

Buy new pc, decent one with monitor [centrino] less than 300 at dell. Actually their 250ish, check bargain alerts thread.

Latchy

Hi OP , i do feel sorry for you in that situation and it's the lack of communication between your family that's is the root cause.Your mum and dad's indifference is actually encouraging your brother to behave the way he does (selfish) and you are not getting the attention you deserve .If you could get your mum or dad out of the house for a few hrs were you could sit and discuss your concerns and worries it would be good, but your brothers behaviour and bullying is appalling and your parents really should be doing more ,instead of just leaving you to get on with it .Maybe you could get advice from family members such as aunts ,uncles and get them to talk to your mum and dad about it all ? .I have a younger brother who used to get away with murder and he was a total control freak when we lived under the the same roof ,so i know what your going through , best wish's and good luck .

Oryx

Your parents are trying hard to keep things going workwise, but they seem to have lost sight of important things at home. I dont think they understand the gravity of your situation, and how scared you are. You need to make them see and understand that. If theyre not listening or taking in what you are saying, you need to be stronger in how you tell them. You should not be frightened of your brother, his behaviour is way beyond acceptable.

Hes told my mum... ...that I'm the cause of his anger. ...I don't know what it is I'm doing, and to be honest I don't think I'm doing anything...

Please keep remembering this: You are not the cause of his anger. It comes from his own unhappiness and lack of control. Dont ever let him use the cheap shot of trying to blame his failings on you.

And while I dont recommend you put yourself in danger, dont allow him to control you like he is doing. Where possible, stand up for yourself. (ie when your parents are around, or when you know you can be otherwise safe)

Dudess

Given what he said to your mum about his feelings for you, he obviously harbours resentment towards you for some reason - jealousy perhaps? Bitterness that you're so nice and positive, while he finds life hard?

OP, if he assaults/threatens you again, call the gardai on him. Register an official complaint and point out you can't expect safety from the folks. May sound over the top, but since you're living in actual fear, it might be the only thing your parents would take seriously.

And if they care enough to say you can't have a laptop, but don't care when your brother hits you, their priorities are far too screwed up. Maybe you should point out that the latter should be more important.

Oh and please don't ever take personally what your brother says - people who beat up others/act like your brother always use the other as an excuse for their own problems and lack of control. It is NOT your fault. Ever.

Supercell

Dub_girl_101 wrote: »

He used to be so sweet and caring and really a relaxed laid back sort of person but in the past year he's changed enormously! I'm afraid to even talk to him for fear he'll pick me up on something wrong. So, what am I supposed to do? Does anyone else think there is something majorly wrong here? I don't know maybe this all ties in with my other problem.

First off, I really don't think you should blame yourself, he's a 24 year old man, you are a 17 year old girl, he needs to cop himself on.

That said, if his behaviour has changed so much in the past year perhaps theres something going on in his life thats bothering him, why hasnt he found a place of his own at 24 for starters?

Maybe wait until he's in a good mood and ask to just chat with him and tell him that you love him loads as your bro but lately you've become scared of him beacue of the way hes treating you.

Jebus if I had my sis tell me that I'd feel like a total monster and utterly disgusted with myself. Maybe theres a family matter thats effecting you all but he isnt coping well with as well as the rest of you.

Also what about your da?, maybe sit down with him and let him know that your brother is scaring you..again if my sis said that about me to mine..I know I'd be in a car getting as far away from home as possible!!

If you don't feel that approach might work well then maybe getting a big male friend to have a few words with him on the quiet might put some sense into him.
I'm not advocating violence just maybe letting him know that you have friends that care about you that wont put up with this behaviour if it carries on.

Mazeire

bluewolf wrote: »

OP, if he assaults/threatens you again, call the gardai on him. Register an official complaint and point out you can't expect safety from the folks. May sound over the top, but since you're living in actual fear, it might be the only thing your parents would take seriously.
.

Totally agree. You are pefectly ithin your rights to do this. Your parents may just think "oh the two you young ones are having a squabble" or "Ah himslef is having a tantrum again", but at the end of the day family ties aside what is going on is that you are being repeatedly physically threatened and assaulted by a 24 year old man and are not feeling safe in your own home. I would sit my parents down, and tell them calmly that either they sort him out or the next time he does this its time for the Gardai. No discussion, no debate you are telling them the way its going to be.

antoinolachtnai

You really need to talk this through with the people involved if possible and someone on the outside if it isn't possible.

I don't know your situation, but it may be that your brother has deeper problems than you know and that your parents have their reasons for what they are doing.

For me, the worst case is that you'll have to find somewhere new to live when you finish school, and you need to start planning it now. Remember, you are 17, this is a short-term problem now, you an find a way out.

I personally would avoid writing letters - they can be too cutting and too permanent, and I would avoid getting the authorities involved unless you are injured or fairly certain you are going to get injured. It's just too big an escalation.

Keith186

Break the computer and see how he likes that

Mazeire

antoinolachtnai wrote: »

You really need to talk this through with the people involved if possible and someone on the outside if it isn't possible.

I don't know your situation, but it may be that your brother has deeper problems than you know and that your parents have their reasons for what they are doing.

For me, the worst case is that you'll have to find somewhere new to live when you finish school, and you need to start planning it now. Remember, you are 17, this is a short-term problem now, you an find a way out.

I personally would avoid writing letters - they can be too cutting and too permanent, and I would avoid getting the authorities involved unless you are injured or fairly certain you are going to get injured. It's just too big an escalation.

Yeah sorry now Antonio, but i would say that if she's having to lock herself in her room for her own safety i think it has escalated well above and beyond what could be deemed acceptable. Would you live like that? I dont think so. Plus what do you mean its a short term situation? The emotional and ,if he keeps going the way he is, physical scars from this could be permanant. The OP is 17 so this could be her leaving cert year. Why should her exam results and her future be put in doubt because of her brothers behavior? Fine, her brother may have problems and her parents may know about them but why are his need and his situation more important than hers?

Victor

Keith186 wrote: »

Break the computer and see how he likes that

Try to post even in a vaguely constructive manner and please read the Charter.

antoinolachtnai

Mazeire wrote: »

Yeah sorry now Antonio, but i would say that if she's having to lock herself in her room for her own safety i think it has escalated well above and beyond what could be deemed acceptable. Would you live like that? I dont think so. Plus what do you mean its a short term situation? The emotional and ,if he keeps going the way he is, physical scars from this could be permanant. The OP is 17 so this could be her leaving cert year. Why should her exam results and her future be put in doubt because of her brothers behavior? Fine, her brother may have problems and her parents may know about them but why are his need and his situation more important than hers?

Everything you say is absolutely correct, but if the OP opens up a rift between herself and her family, she may find herself with nowhere to go and that won't be too good for her studies either. (I think I assumed the OP is studying, I don't think it's stated).

I think the OP is pretty smart and can manage to avoid personal injury. Obviously this is a risk and it would be better to be completely out of the situation but I can't see how that is practical. It depends what other supports the OP has, but I'm not optimistic about that.

daiixi

Is there someone at school who you can talk to about this? I didn't grow up here so I don't know what the system is but in Australia we had a teacher who was "responsible" for each year and we could go to with any problems. You say you don't want to complain but sometimes you have to complain and maybe your parents would listen to a teacher.. Maybe not but it would at least show that you're really serious. Otherwise the next time your brother is abusive call the gardai.

Nevyn

Next time he assults you walk down to the garda station and make a report and let the garda ring your parents and while you are there ask for a social worker.

Dub_girl_101

Thanks everyone for the advice...

There seems to be many of you saying to call the gardai next time. But tbh, I could never do this. I just would never forgive myself. At the end of the day we're family. And if there are issues going on with him, I do have a lot of sympathy, even empathy for that matter but theres no chance in him telling any of us what it is. He's extremely stubborn. So with that, it's hard to help and understand if hes not gonna say anything if ya get me?

Today, I mentioned it to my mum, but I've mentioned it before but she takes no actual notice of it. Her reaction was just "yea yea I know it's just weird but ah well!"...like come on! What a reaction! I think I'm just gonna have to keep my cool and keep out of any contact with him cuz in that way I can't do anything that will set him off. Horrible situation but I can't think of anything else.

Dub_girl_101

Dub_girl_101 wrote:

the end of the day we're family.

You may know that, he seems to have forgotten.

Horrible situation but I can't think of anything else.

I can. Register a complaint with the gardai. They won't do anything dramatic if you don't want them to. Just register it. Then tell your mother you've done this. It'll wake her up and she'll say more than "whatever".

Canis Lupus

You're younger than him therefore you do what he says. When I was younger if my older bro asked me to get off the computer then I would or I'd be attacked and it worked the same way for me and my younger bro.

Tis a dog eat dog world and you giggling away over bebo is eating into his CSS time. Just get off the computer when he asks. Yeah it's a pain but then such is life altho truth be told he should have grown out of this behaviour at 24.

EDIT: and reporting the matter to the police is more than likely going to make your mother think you're an insane hormonal teenager rather than making your brother stop. For the love of god don't go to the gardai.

Dub_girl_101

Canis Lupus wrote: »

Tis a dog eat dog world and you giggling away over bebo is eating into his CSS time. Just get off the computer when he asks.

Firstly I don't have bebo and another thing he claims to be looking up notes for college but 99% of the time he's on that fantasy football thing and looking through youtube.

Canis Lupus wrote: »

For the love of god don't go to the gardai.

Theres no chance in me going to the gardai...

Latchy

Remember before the internet when we used to argue over the remote control as to who watched what on tv ?, well it's more or less the same with computers in the home but as everybody more or less has 2 or 3 tvs in the house these days that problem is solved .I somtimes go down to my local libary and use the pc's there when it gets a bit mad in our house, such peace and quite there to ,but they only open in the day .....pity

LegacyUser

It sounds to me like your household has more problems than your brother and possibly his behaviour is a symptom of the problem. From what you have written it sounds to me like your parents are having their own problems - lack of communication, giving up on correcting poor behaviour and may be having relationship difficulties of their own, could this be why your brother is so distressed.
When a family unit begins to breakdown all behaviour around you can seem mad, everyone runs for cover and protects their own patch when all they really want is the happiness of the past!
Best of luck with everything but I think you should talk to your brother about the situation in the the home and discuss the problems your parents are having in their own relationship.

Varkov

Why is your brother still living at home? Let him know that he's beeing a waste of space, and way too aggressive.

Dudess

Canis Lupus wrote: »

You're younger than him therefore you do what he says. When I was younger if my older bro asked me to get off the computer then I would or I'd be attacked and it worked the same way for me and my younger bro.

Tis a dog eat dog world and you giggling away over bebo is eating into his CSS time. Just get off the computer when he asks. Yeah it's a pain but then such is life altho truth be told he should have grown out of this behaviour at 24.

EDIT: and reporting the matter to the police is more than likely going to make your mother think you're an insane hormonal teenager rather than making your brother stop. For the love of god don't go to the gardai.

Bullying of any kind is indefensible and should not be tolerated - no matter what piss-poor reasons there are (e.g. him being older, it being a dog-eat-dog world, the way things are etc). The OP's brother is, frankly, being a nasty piece of work, and recommending she be complacent about it is terrible advice to be honest.
By the way, if it was a young lad posting about being bullied by his 24-year-old sister, would you give the same advice?

Canis Lupus

lol. It's family life. Granted he is old enough to know better (and bear in mind we're only hearing the one side, having yourr head put under a running tap seems like fair game for siblings as does being dragged off something and locked out of the room)

In this case unlike 99.999999999999% of all other hilarious problems on this board talking to him won't help. He won't have a revelation and find god. He'll most likely laugh and walk off. So, best course of action is to avoid what annoys him in the first place or fight (not literally) against him. My favorite form of annoyance to my older brother when he took the tv or computer off me was to go to the fuse box and keep tripping the fuse controlling the room/tv. It works because if he guards the fuse box he can't use the pc/tv. It's great. Just be a quick runner.

There is a pecking order in everything in life. This is one of them. She could of course also knee him in his special place but then I wouldn't advise this as it's against the forum rules to suggest violence.

Finally, if it was a 17 year old bloke being beaten up by his 24 year old sister I'd laugh. My sister bless her tried that with me when I was likkle but once I got old enough she had to stop.

Latchyco up above has the right take on the situation.

edit: Just to mention that again at 24 he should know much better, I grew out of the sibling rivalry thing way before that but then he probably views the OP as his annoying little sister and 17 year olds can be annoying.

LegacyUser

Dub_girl_101 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the advice...

There seems to be many of you saying to call the gardai next time. But tbh, I could never do this. I just would never forgive myself. At the end of the day we're family. And if there are issues going on with him, I do have a lot of sympathy, even empathy for that matter but theres no chance in him telling any of us what it is. He's extremely stubborn. So with that, it's hard to help and understand if hes not gonna say anything if ya get me?

Today, I mentioned it to my mum, but I've mentioned it before but she takes no actual notice of it. Her reaction was just "yea yea I know it's just weird but ah well!"...like come on! What a reaction! I think I'm just gonna have to keep my cool and keep out of any contact with him cuz in that way I can't do anything that will set him off. Horrible situation but I can't think of anything else.

Look you say you are actually scared of him sometimes... that is not good. Just because people you know lost brothers doesn't make you a bad person for wanting something done about your brother. He's 24 and he gets physical with you and he is not just playing around??? That's fcked up.

Dudess

What you're talking about is a situation where the sibling in question is otherwise a reasonable person. The OP's brother clearly needs help.

davyjose

Hang on - he's a grown man; you're still, in the eyes of the law, a child. This is disgraceful behaviour. How can he blame his problems on his kid sister. Sounds like a mental issue to me. In any case his reaction is assault. You might have to start playing hardball here: Talk to your Mother and tell her the next time he touches you, if she does not intervene, you will call the police.
I'm sorry OP, but I don't think your brother is ever going to allow a normal relationship between the two of you. And remember, none of this is your fault. This is the Number 1 trick a bully uses. To make you somehow feel you deserve it and/or it's your fault!!! Good luck.

Mazeire

Canis Lupus wrote: »

EDIT: and reporting the matter to the police is more than likely going to make your mother think you're an insane hormonal teenager rather than making your brother stop. For the love of god don't go to the gardai.

Going to get on the preachers box here Canis. Bear in mind that there may be others lurking on this topic that may be thinking of making a report to the Gardai, it may be the only option that they have and the above may have put them right off doing so. Everyone regardless of age has the right to report any abuse,assault or harassment to the Gardai. The OP seems to have decided against it which is up to her. Its thinking like the above though that allows abuse cases to go on for years unreported.

kieranmcg1

Hey it seems like this is a lot more than just an older brother getting annoyed as im the oldest in our house . But here are 2 things ya could do get an uncle or aunt or someone u can talk to and tell them . If ur stil in secondary school every school is sipposed to have a counsilor or something in that area if you bring it up with them and they call your parents that might make them realise how big of a problem it is . I really incourage you to do this . hope it helps

antoinolachtnai

Mazeire wrote: »

Going to get on the preachers box here Canis. Bear in mind that there may be others lurking on this topic that may be thinking of making a report to the Gardai, it may be the only option that they have and the above may have put them right off doing so. Everyone regardless of age has the right to report any abuse,assault or harassment to the Gardai. The OP seems to have decided against it which is up to her. Its thinking like the above though that allows abuse cases to go on for years unreported.

To be fair, we were discussing the particular situation, not the whole general spectrum of situations.

irish_boy90

thats a though one alright. hmm what about a wii?
i have one and you can use the internet on it. i am sure you could use that if you couldn't get an laptop. or try luring him away from the computer when you want it. try baking something or just using the computer at times when hes not around.

well anyway when he asks for you to give it to him do it!
the most important thing is you don't get hurt anyway

irish_boy90

irish_boy90 wrote:

well anyway when he asks for you to give it to him do it!

Why? This guy is suffering from extreme spoiled brat syndrome, coupled with an anger problem
it needs to be curbed, not pandered to
if she keeps giving him his way he will get worse and demand more and more

keep pestering your mother, OP
as much as it takes to be listened to

the_syco

Dub_girl_101 wrote: »

At the end of the day we're family. And if there are issues going on with him

Dub_girl_101 wrote: »

Today, I mentioned it to my mum, but I've mentioned it before but she takes no actual notice of it. Her reaction was just "yea yea I know it's just weird but ah well!"...like come on! What a reaction!

Both yours, and your mothers reaction, are the same.

Dudess

I'm quite appalled at the posts advising the OP to just put up with this behaviour.

davyjose

the_syco wrote: »

Both yours, and your mothers reaction, are the same.

Very good point, the Syco; OP it's quite easy sometimes to rationalise abuse because you learn to put up with it and eventually it becomes quite normal. Most abuse, or bullying, is not getting beat to a pulp on a daily basis.
A bully is usually successful because they step over the line but never go to far over it, until what was once unacceptable no longer is.
Have a look at what you wrote to us. If that was a friend of yours how would you advise them. And I agree with dudess. Ignore anyone who tells you you should put up with it. You have just as much rights as your brother.

LegacyUser

Canis Lupus wrote: »

lol. It's family life. Granted he is old enough to know better (and bear in mind we're only hearing the one side, having yourr head put under a running tap seems like fair game for siblings as does being dragged off something and locked out of the room)

In this case unlike 99.999999999999% of all other hilarious problems on this board talking to him won't help. He won't have a revelation and find god. He'll most likely laugh and walk off. So, best course of action is to avoid what annoys him in the first place or fight (not literally) against him. My favorite form of annoyance to my older brother when he took the tv or computer off me was to go to the fuse box and keep tripping the fuse controlling the room/tv. It works because if he guards the fuse box he can't use the pc/tv. It's great. Just be a quick runner.

There is a pecking order in everything in life. This is one of them. She could of course also knee him in his special place but then I wouldn't advise this as it's against the forum rules to suggest violence.

Finally, if it was a 17 year old bloke being beaten up by his 24 year old sister I'd laugh. My sister bless her tried that with me when I was likkle but once I got old enough she had to stop.

Latchyco up above has the right take on the situation.

edit: Just to mention that again at 24 he should know much better, I grew out of the sibling rivalry thing way before that but then he probably views the OP as his annoying little sister and 17 year olds can be annoying.

You do realise that the guy in question is TWENTY FOUR years old and the sister is SEVENTEEN. They are not a pair of 14 and 15 year olds. There is no excuse for this behaviour at this age, it is not normal to treat a sibling seven years younger than you like this. I wouldn't put up with it op, I'd recommend getting the guards to have a chat with him. What's the alternative? Both of you could be in this house for a good few years yet and you don't want to have put up with this crap when you are no longer a kid, especially if as you say it's been getting worse.

Canis Lupus

Thanks, I can read so yeah I did notice the age gap, no need for capitals.

I think the OP should report herself to social services and get taken into care, reporting the matter to the gardai just isn't going far enough I believe. It would appear to be the only way to stop this cruel, sadistic, tyrant of a brother from beating her senseless every waking minute of the day whilst under the eye of an uncaring mother who sits playing online bingo whilst drinking a bottle of extra strength whiskey and chain smoking.

Dudess

That's extremely callous. The OP is undoubtedly being bullied by her brother.

Canis Lupus wrote:

cruel, sadistic, tyrant of a brother

Yeah, that's pretty spot-on.

uncaring mother

Indifferent certainly.

*Page*

Dub_girl_101 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the advice...

There seems to be many of you saying to call the gardai next time. But tbh, I could never do this. I just would never forgive myself. At the end of the day we're family. And if there are issues going on with him, I do have a lot of sympathy, even empathy for that matter but theres no chance in him telling any of us what it is. He's extremely stubborn. So with that, it's hard to help and understand if hes not gonna say anything if ya get me?

Today, I mentioned it to my mum, but I've mentioned it before but she takes no actual notice of it. Her reaction was just "yea yea I know it's just weird but ah well!"...like come on! What a reaction! I think I'm just gonna have to keep my cool and keep out of any contact with him cuz in that way I can't do anything that will set him off. Horrible situation but I can't think of anything else.

hey there,


I've an older sister and for years she fought tooth and nail with my parents and then took her anger out on me.

my parents always brushed off what she did to me because they felt guilty for causing it...

but like you i'd never call the guards,

she moved out got a man got married had a kid...

i thought finally she's grown up so i went to visit her (she lives in england)
she cornered me in a room hit me spat at me and screamed the whole while i kept my mouth shut, my child and her child were up stairs and i didnt want to up set them. she back off finally and the next day i left.

i then didnt see her for months... she came over to us this time and started again 1st by slagging me off to my new partner, to my cousin who was over, i told her to get a f&cking life and i walked away...

she followed me to my room and that was it the night was spent with her going for me, she nearly knocked my partner down the stairs and did this with her son watching...

the night got worse my dad left my mum over what was said and my mum joined in the first time ever...

my sister started to hit and kick my mum..

thats when i lost it and put her in her place.

after locking her away, she legged it to a neighbours house with out telling us...
i called the guards...
1 she attached my mother
2 she attacked my partner
3 she left her son
4 she acted out of control infront of her son and upset him for no reason
5 she attacked me...

what i'm trying to say here is you dont want to wait till things get too bad...

you dont want your brother to turn on you and the rest of your family...

he needs to know what he's doing is domestic abuse!

you need to call the guards you do not need to press charges, but they will keep a log of things for the day things do go bad...

Lemming

To the OP saying that family is family and how she could never go to the authorities about her brother's bullying and completely brat-like behaviour ...

Consider this. He is 24 years of age. An adult. If you don't choose to confront both him and your parents over this, he will only get worse and one day he will annoy the wrong person and end up in a very life-threatening situation. You've spoken about how yo ushould be grateful to have a brother when others have lost theirs, so consider the above point well. Failing to make him take a long, hard and very deserved look into his own pathetic mind will not help him. Nor yourself.

Unmistakably, choosing to act will in the short to possibly medium term, not be a nice experience, but the alternative is to do nothing and then blame yourself in later years for not doing something when your brother gets some very just desserts by somebody bigger and meaner than himself.

Dudess

*Page*, that's horrific. Some families really have bad problems. And you're right: what the OP's brother's doing is domestic abuse.

If someone posted here describing how a parent or partner was behaving to them in a similar fashion, there would be nothing but condemnation, but just because it's the OP's brother it's somehow considered less damaging.

the_syco

OP: call the Gardai, or shut the f**k up, and take it.

The 2nd option IS NOT AN OPTION THAT YOU SHOULD TAKE.

Get this into your head: your brother knows he can get away with it, does get away with it, and your mother seems to think that this is "normal child rivalry". The only way out would be to get the Gardai involved, as what you are doing now is option two. Currently, you are shutting up and taking it. And this is not a long term solution.

The Hill Billy

OP - Despite what other posters have to say about their own home lives & how they got on with their siblings -You have the right to be able to live in your home without the fear or threat of intimidation or violence from a family member. As your parents are unwilling to give you adequate protection from your brother - someone else needs to. I understand that you do not want to get the Gardaí or Social Services involved, but how about contacting Childline? It is not just for young kiddies - they are there to help anyone under 18.They should be able to offer you good advice on how to get your problem sorted. Remember, it is a confidential service - you have no need to worry about just talking to them. Their number is 1800 66 66 66.Best of luck & take care of yourself!

*Page*

fair play hill billy, i would have never thought of childline!


its a very good option,

Dub_girl_101

Thanks everyone for the concern...

I'll just briefly fill you in on the latest. He's calmed down dramatically to the point where hes being very distant from me. It's a weird situation. I don't know what to make of it. He does this. He hits the roof, becomes abusive, aggresive, absolute psycho and the following day he's all quiet and friendly. What is this!? Why is he doing this? I don't know what to do now. I'm a bit of a push over and tend to forgive too easily (like forgive people who have walked all over me and I'll be all nice to them then) which is one of my big weaknesses. Being a push over is not nice! But now I'm beginning to feel sorry for him! I don't know what to do now.

I have listened to all the advice and there was one incident in the past where I phoned childline in tears locked in my room and my brother and dad tried kicking down my door giving out to me saying "how dare you call childline you bitch" and all this because they were afraid the guards would come around to the house. So, I haven't phoned since.

I'm just curious though, how is my attitude the same to my mums'!? I would have thought they were the complete opposite!