Can't dance, won't dance.

johnnysmurfman

I can't dance and I won't dance, mainly because I look like an absolute tool when I do. I have one move which involves me tapping my feet on the floor and clapping my hands in rather a camp and slightly idiotic looking manner.

I think the primary reason for my inability to dance is that I'm male , and the secondary reason is that I have never really practiced/tried. The problem is that my girlfriend of 2 months loves to bloody dance (and when I say "loves to bloody dance" I mean absolutely bloody LOVES to dance) and whenever we are out for the night etc she's constantly putting endless pressure on me to join her. She loves that song "Umbrella" and whenever it comes on she goes nuts and basically assaults me by pulling my hands and pleading with me to dance. I hate that bloody song, I really do.

I've fobbed her off thus far (with serious difficulty) but we're going to a big birthday bash for her dad in December and if I refuse to dance there then my life just will not be worth living. Is there some kind of way that I can learn to dance to popular music, preferably in the privacy of my own home with the aid of some form of instructional device?

P.S. I know I'm a gimp, so please don't call me a gimp when responding.

Seraphina

tell the beeatch to f off
if you dont want to dance and dont like dancing, why the hell should you?

how the hell would she feel if you tried to drag her under your car every saturday morning cause you like fixing it? does that mean she should enjoy it too and join you in it all the time? eh no! (bad analogy, maybe playing ps2 or something would work better, but you see what im getting at)

you dont like the song (and why would you, its ****, what is it with women these days and terrible taste in music?!?) why should you bother with the hassle of trying to learn to dance?
you're not her monkey, you dont have to do stuff just because she wants you to. tell her to go find someone else to dance with (like one of her female friends, they all love it, why cant they do it together?)

Oryx

Youre not a gimp.

When asked to dance with a woman, your primary purpose is to accompany her, look interested and move a little, vaguely in time to the music. Unless youre ballroom dancing the man doesnt lead, he is pretty much led. Taking it further than that is up to you but if youre actually up on the floor youre doing well.

-Ask her to teach you. Practice at home.
-Learn salsa jive. Soooo easy to master, and looks well impressive.:)
-Pay attention to what everyone else is doing. Chances are its not that complicated. Try to mimic.

And as for why bother? Cos itll make her happy. Perhaps she'll help you fix the car next saturday.

Seraphina

KtK wrote: »

When asked to dance with a woman, your primary purpose is to accompany her, look interested and move a little, vaguely in time to the music

see, this i just dont get. he obviously doesn't like dancing. she obviously KNOWS he doesn't like dancing. why should she whine and plead and beg him? imo its totally unfair to try and force a gf/bf to do something they dont want to. i wouldn't try and make someone i supposedly like dance/sing/rollerblade/whatever if they didn't want to. she's just being really selfish, especially if he's not into the kind of music she's into.

JC 2K3

No one, girls included, actually dances properly in clubs. What's called "dancing" is generally drunkenly flailing one's arms around and shuffling one's feet a bit. Just stop being so insecure, EVERYONE looks like a tool on nightclub dancefloor.

In any case, I'd ditch her OP, but that's only because I consider decent music taste to be a necessary trait in a girlfriend.

the_syco

OP: get drunk, go on a dance floor, and dance like the other gimps. You'll see that half of them are doing the same dance. If you see a guy dancing very well, he's either gay, or can dance naturally. The rest of us will dance like everyone else.

Why get drunk? You'll feel less of a gimp, and as your drunk, people will ignore you.

Oh, and I know they all dance the same, as I tried copying a few random people, only to find they varied very little.

Ninja_scrotum

A good few pints always help me get my groove on.

If you are going to learn to dance in the privacy of your own home, try and find some digital channel where there are a lot of black people dancing. I'm being serious by the way!!! Copy their moves. They really know how to dance even if they're just shuffling along to a tune. Use your shoulders and feet and arms. Vary it a little.

Tellin' ya, get them pints into ya.

milkerman

If you dont like dancing you dont like dancing.
Do you demand your gf to go to football matches with you?
If you are a culchie, will you be demanding that she goes shooting with you next 1st November?
Personally, I am such a shyte dancer (I have tried)& clumsy generally that my wife has just given up on the dance thing.
We cant all be like John Travolta.

Boston

JC 2K3 wrote: »

No one, girls included, actually dances properly in clubs. What's called "dancing" is generally drunkenly flailing one's arms around and shuffling one's feet a bit. Just stop being so insecure, EVERYONE looks like a tool on nightclub dancefloor.

In any case, I'd ditch her OP, but that's only because I consider decent music taste to be a necessary trait in a girlfriend.

The less you care the more fun it is to dance like a clown. Simple fact is, theres no room on dance floors to dance properly, the best you can hope for is a bit of grinding.

nobodythere

Evening sir,
I used to be like that, then I went out to a club with my techno-loving friends, and they were a bit pisshed, and after a little while I eased up and started dancing.

After another little while I totally got lost in the music. It was loads of fun, letting go. Once I did that a few times any other form of dancing was a matter of practice

Let your gf know and go to some dancing classes together. Maybe it won't be so bad if you don't suck so much... hmmmm....

Hope that helps.

bug

johnnysmurfman wrote: »

I can't dance and I won't dance, mainly because I look like an absolute tool when I do. I have one move which involves me tapping my feet on the floor and clapping my hands in rather a camp and slightly idiotic looking manner.

I think the primary reason for my inability to dance is that I'm male , and the secondary reason is that I have never really practiced/tried. The problem is that my girlfriend of 2 months loves to bloody dance (and when I say "loves to bloody dance" I mean absolutely bloody LOVES to dance) and whenever we are out for the night etc she's constantly putting endless pressure on me to join her. She loves that song "Umbrella" and whenever it comes on she goes nuts and basically assaults me by pulling my hands and pleading with me to dance. I hate that bloody song, I really do.

I've fobbed her off thus far (with serious difficulty) but we're going to a big birthday bash for her dad in December and if I refuse to dance there then my life just will not be worth living. Is there some kind of way that I can learn to dance to popular music, preferably in the privacy of my own home with the aid of some form of instructional device?

P.S. I know I'm a gimp, so please don't call me a gimp when responding.

You're not a gimp.
Men, unlike us wimmens, do not group in their mates house at the age of 10 to early teens and co-ordinate seriously choreographed dance routines that the world will never see. I still remember the girl who taught me pop my hips in rythm to the music in a friends kitchen one halloween night, sliding like lunatics in our socks across the floor like something out of strictly ballroom.

While we were idiots, and looked as such, it taught us rythm.

You were probably watching football with your mates. Like most blokes.

If you are serious about learning to dance, then the only thing you really need to know is how to move with the rythm of the music. Something like salsa would help that. There are lots of evening salsa classes you can attend...possibly somewhere far away from where you live if you don't want to be spotted.

Actually finding your rythm is cool, because after that you can move to any sort of music in saying that I would not categorise "Umbrella" as something you can really dance to. Because its crap.

great unwashed

johnnysmurfman wrote: »

I can't dance and I won't dance, mainly because I look like an absolute tool when I do. I have one move which involves me tapping my feet on the floor and clapping my hands in rather a camp and slightly idiotic looking manner.

I think the primary reason for my inability to dance is that I'm male , and the secondary reason is that I have never really practiced/tried. The problem is that my girlfriend of 2 months loves to bloody dance (and when I say "loves to bloody dance" I mean absolutely bloody LOVES to dance) and whenever we are out for the night etc she's constantly putting endless pressure on me to join her. She loves that song "Umbrella" and whenever it comes on she goes nuts and basically assaults me by pulling my hands and pleading with me to dance. I hate that bloody song, I really do.

I've fobbed her off thus far (with serious difficulty) but we're going to a big birthday bash for her dad in December and if I refuse to dance there then my life just will not be worth living. Is there some kind of way that I can learn to dance to popular music, preferably in the privacy of my own home with the aid of some form of instructional device?

P.S. I know I'm a gimp, so please don't call me a gimp when responding.

I've got the same shaggen problem. Don't know how many weddings I've avoided because I hate dancing. Don't know how many weddings/birthdays I've been to scared stiff that someone would drag me onto the floor. I know I won't break if I'm dragged on there but shouldn't it be enough for people to leave you alone if you don't dance and are happy chatting in a corner? (you really try to get chatting going in corners at these things in order to avoid the dance police, it doesn't always work out for you). Almost everyone I know tries to get me dancing when I clearly can't, which they find out when I succumb and make as much a fool of them as I do myself .

I probably embittered friends and girlfriends cos they thought I was messing, I'm so bad.

MagicMarker

Just get really drunk. It's the only logical solution.

star-pants

Hey pet -- you're NOT a gimp -- lots of people hate dancing (some women included).
I (am a female) and I LOVE to dance...I don't give a toss who's watching or who's not...
And to have a guy to dance with just makes it great (ok she shouldn't push too much if you're really really set against it because it's not fair if you are that uncomfortable) but she might just want you there with her.
I find it great dancing with a guy - you can get close and it can be great fun! that's probably what she wants - to dance sexy close to you. The buzz you can get off dancing with someone you're crazy about is brilliant.

Someone suggested you get her to show you -- that would be fun -- just go to your room or hers, n play some music and get yer groove on (the dance one that is!! lol).
You do sound like you want to be able to get up and dance with her because you're asking for advice on it. (but obviously if you really really don't want to,explain gently to her that it makes you very nervous/uncomfortable).
But I suggest the practise.

Plus -- half the people will be drunk so who cares what you look like. I never do. (and I'm always sober!)
good luck

bronte

hun, i gotta agree with everyone else NOBODY and I mean NOBODY looks good dancing in a club.
I saw a video of myself back recently and oh dear god! :eek:
Just have fun... it's meant to be about letting loose and having fun...it's not an audition for west side story!!

Have a bit of craic..a few beers, and go for it...don't even think about it!

SpAcEd OuT

I look pretty damn good when I dance and for a small fee I can teach you some of my killer moves that have woo'ed countless women and made me a star amongst the dublin disco circuit.

C'mon OP we live in Ireland everyone looks like a tosser when they dance we are people of little rythm.

Or heres a plan whenever she wants you up on the dancefloor just start scoring her for the whole song and then when the songs over say ''Oh I have to get a drink'' or ''Oh and I have to go to the toilet'' repeat this until the night is over by that time you should be getting laid after all that kissing and you wont look like an absolute tool who cant dance not that matters anyways

biko

http://www.videojug.com/tag/dance
http://www.videojug.com/film/dance-moves-an-emergency-guide-for-men

Fobia

Hmm, what age is op? http://youtube.com/watch?v=sLGLum5SyKQ might help if you're of the youthful generation..

I know it's a bit laughable, but that style is seriously starting to take off...guess it's not really the style to do with a girlfriend though

blow69

I used to be like this but i just decided to get over it.Just don't give a damn what people think.Now im told that im actually good on the dance floor.If your with ur GF, she'll probably just be dancing up close so just put your arms around her waist. or with her back pressed up against your front, lock both hands with her hands and lift them up, disconnect and reconnect again.Just stupid silly stuff like that!

Jesus Wept

You are not a gimp, you are part of the 99.9% of men who just can't dance.

The only time I dance is when I am so tanked up I think its hilarious and everyone else is so tanked up they won't care.

Also, most of the other men dancing can't dance, so you don't stick out.

tbh

the problem isn't that you can't dance, the problem is that you imagine everyone is laughing at your efforts. Take a look around the dance floor next time, and you'll notice that you are the only one looking - everyone else is just doing their own thing - try to follow suit. I don't think it's unreasonable that the OP's g/f would expect the op to make a bit of an effort every now and again, I'm sure it cuts both ways. We all do things we don't really like for the sake of our partners - it's called compromise.

cance

hey op, you are no gimp i can assure you.

I hate dancing with a passion, personally i have never given a shíte what people thought of me but still the dance floor seemed like a writhing mass of drunk louts and bints just waiting to step on your toes in their stilletto's. I know i have two left feet too, which never helped.

Take some lessons, seriously. You can find dance lessons really easily and it will help shape your confidence. And if you are really embarrassed pay a little extra for private lessons.

I only dance at weddings/family events with a bit of swing music or classic. Im very technically minded and I find this type of dancing far more "organised" if there is such a thing. Swing/classic dancing you can learn and improvise if you choose to, plus it really helps getting in with the inlaws swinging your Gf's ma/granny around the dancefloor gracefully!

dancing to pop music to me feels a little unnatural and a bit scary

If you really like this girl, take some lessons, it will show commitment to her and it will also help you strut your stuff

Dinxminx

My boyf tells me I look like a right eejit when I dance, but I love to dance so I do it anyway!!

Just stick on some music and do whatever comes naturally. I can't promise it'll llook good but hopefully with a little practice it'll get more aesthetically pleasing!!

whatawaster

Just do what I do - air guitar, air bass, or, my personal favourite, air drums. It makes you look seriously cool.

And get very drunk. I would never dance otherwise. Nobody should.

How Strange

OP, some people love dancing and others hate it. It is their worst social situation nightmare.

If you are just a bit conscious of dancing then have a couple of drinks and loosen up. If, on the other hand, it terrifies you then don't do it. And don't let your gf pressure you or make you feel bad because of it. Really, if this is the worst thing she can say about you then you're not doing too bad.

Spud83

Solution, Go up and dance like a feckin maniac. I mean really go for it. Then she will be so embarrassed she will never mention it too you again.

Mighty_Mouse

On yer own.
Gettin ready for a night-out.
Just out of the shower.
James Brown - Foundations of Funk
Turn it all the way up to 11.
Problem solved!

eamoss

I myself is just naturally talented

Its just about letting go of the feeling of looking like tool. Once you get over that you will be grand.

Tho in saying that I always find it hard to dance when im sober but then I always just say fcuk it and go out and have a laugh.

johnnysmurfman

alanmurphy83 wrote: »

Solution, Go up and dance like a feckin maniac. I mean really go for it. Then she will be so embarrassed she will never mention it too you again.

I have thought about this, I have very seriously thought about this.

Deadevil129

Take this from someone who's both hated and loved dancing; nobody cares about this more than you do.

I used to be crippled with shyness. People would beg me to come up and dance and I'd just stand there frozen feeling like an absolute nob, then I'd leave. All it really took was just one succesfull night out dancing before I was hooked. I really don't know what made me change my mind so dramatically, I suppose I just realised nobody else gave a crap what I look liked. Now I tend to split my nights out between dancing properly and purposly dancing the worst I possibly can, just to entertain myself, it's much more fun to flail my arms around out of time with the music.

But if you really want to learn how to dance, for guys there's very little to it. Just watch some music channels for an hour or so, and try to move in time with the music. Some stuff (like umbrella) is just woefull to dance to, so don't try. My boyfriend insisted he couldn't dance once, my instructions to him were "you don't have to, just hold on to my hips and I'll do the rest" which is more or less a guy's role on the dancefloor. Take a look at some of the guys dancing with girls, they're essentially doing just that.

daiixi

Girls are too busy watching other girls to see if anyone is prettier/dancing better than them to care if their man can dance. All they care about is that their man humour them and join in on something they like to do. Just like men like it when women pretend to enjoy <insert sport here> and nod and smile rather than ask dumb questions.
You can't dance? Noone cares. You won't dance - your loss.

Duzy

Get out the film Hitch. There is some good advice on fool proof dancing in it and it's a great bit of entertainment to boot!!

sjaakie

the problem lies within your gf, not you.

i am female, like dancing but not in public, just dont like it when people watch me, whatever im doing, just like to stay a bit in the background.

sit her down , explain that you are really not into it, and thats that.

if that makes her upset, well... she might has an attitude problem then.

Esel

You sound too self-conscious; you probably think people are looking at you. They aren't. Just go with the beat, move your feet, maybe try to follow your gf's style of dancing (but develop your own style). Move your hands to the beat - it will help you to loosen up.

Girls love dancing, and love guys who can dance. If you realise this, you are made.

[joke] Why do Baptists (insert Presbyterians - I heard this joke in US) not make love standing up?




















They wouldn't like people to think they were dancing! [/joke]

foams

take Dance classes, Floyd Mayweather Jr the best pound for pound boxer in the world is doing the American T.V show dancing with the stars and he's no tool.

26dublin

just learn ur own moves and practice,get good then when u can dance and u start getting attention from other women she wont want u dancing so much if that fails wear a mask like my mate:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-SiqXDUXAA

Dave147

You're not a gimp for being a bad dancer, when I was younger I was always afraid of it and thought I looked like a plonker, now I love it and go to the same club every friday night cos the music is class and the women are even better, I'm a 22 year old single guy - when I was with the ex I always went out dancing, you don't need to be justin timberlake ya just gotta move to the music, you'll build up confidence and get better and better..

cunnins4

I'm the exact same, and my stupid girlfriend loves to feckin dance (and she can't either!)

I used to care about this, but after trying many times and looking stupid I stopped trying and I developed "The Stevo" - This is the most outrageously stupid dancing you will ever see - and that's the idea. Go up and give it socks, I mean make yourself look absolutely ridiculous. The trick to it is to smile and make it clear to everyone that you wantto dance this way - it's the most fun. I make an absolute tit out of myself and i'm renowned for my messed up dancing, however because I make it clear that i'm not trying to look good, in fact the opposite, people really like it.

Oh, and my bird NEVER asks me to dance anymore! hehehe!

Big Ears

foams wrote: »

take Dance classes, Floyd Mayweather Jr the best pound for pound boxer in the world is doing the American T.V show dancing with the stars and he's no tool.

He is a tool , but admittedly he can dance(still got knocked out though , just like on December 8th)

the_syco wrote:

OP: get drunk, go on a dance floor, and dance like the other gimps. You'll see that half of them are doing the same dance. If you see a guy dancing very well, he's either gay, or can dance naturally. The rest of us will dance like everyone else.

Why get drunk? You'll feel less of a gimp, and as your drunk, people will ignore you.

Oh, and I know they all dance the same, as I tried copying a few random people, only to find they varied very little.

Never a truer word spoken .

dudara

Dancing is somehow primal. It's immensely fun, even when you're no good at it. Find your rhythm, whatever it may be.

There is nothing quite like dancing for fun and for creating a bit of sexual tension as well.

patrickolee

The drugs do work!

Dr. Loon

Don't know if anyone has said it yet but dance like no one is watching. Clíché I know but it's not a competition. 99% of people out there, on the floor, can't dance and aren't dancing. So just enjoy yourself. If you can't manage that then simply tell your partner that you don't dance!