Inflated job titles

mikemac

Nowadays, many people have fancy job titles that in no way describe what they do.

Examples:
Recruitment Consultant is realy someone reading CV’s and making calls. Little more than a sales job and certainly not a consultant.

Fuel Technician: This is what teenagers working as petrol pump attendants do.
Now I thought a fuel technician is like a chemist working in a laboratory but obviously not.

In a corporation everyone seems to be a vice-president. Surely there is only one vice-president

A secretary is now an executive assistant

So anyone else know any misleading and inflated job titles?

arybvtcw0eolkf

'Services officer' = Messenger.

cance

stock level controller = shelf packer.

matrim

A friend of mine use to work for subway and his official job title was "Sandwich Artist".

I've worked in a job where my title was head of support, but the support department consisted of just me.

dame

"Director of First Impressions" = Receptionist
I kid you not, I know one of these.

growler

I met a guy last week who's business card says "Metaverse Evangelist" , fvck knows what he does.

D. Coughlan

Trolleyoligist

connundrum

Marketing Executive = Sales

Business Development Executive = Sales

Account Manager = Sales

Recruitment Consultant = Sales

/he says whilst shaking his fist at the man.

Setun

I worked many years to get my job title of vice deputy sub assistant.

I used to work as a cleaner (locker room attendant) on a golf course before I became a swindler (sales assistant) in a Dublin toy shop, now I'm a professional slacker (student).

Mr. Incognito

Any job with a title that isn't immediately self explanatory is by default sh*t.

kev_s88

i used to work pumping petrol and my official title was "petroleum distribution engineer"

dade

know a guy who worked desktop support and his offical title was "IT Co-Ordinator"

ScumLord

matrim wrote: »

I've worked in a job where my title was head of support, but the support department consisted of just me.

That's like my job, I'm the IT Manager of myself. We have great fun at work coming up with daft titles for ourselves when enterprise Ireland comes around.

i used to work pumping petrol and my official title was "petroleum distribution engineer"

I used to do that job too, we where called forecourt attendants or just the lads usually.

Setun

growler wrote: »

I met a guy last week who's business card says "Metaverse Evangelist" , fvck knows what he does.

L.M.A.O.

is that what those street scientologists are called I wonder?

Fuel Injection Engineer

cornbb

This sort of stuff really pisses me off. I worked in a call centre where everyone was an "associate". I also worked in the IT department of a large company, of around 25 people in the office there were something like 6 vice presidents.

Whats with all the forecourt attendants here btw? Its a very long time since I've been to a garage where you don't have to pump your own fuel!

cornbb

cornbb wrote: »

Whats with all the forecourt attendants here btw? Its a very long time since I've been to a garage where you don't have to pump your own fuel!

... its cold out there

Orlee

Well my official title is Property Management Departmental Administrator = Secretary

Dord

connundrum wrote: »

Marketing Executive = Sales

Business Development Executive = Sales

Account Manager = Sales

Recruitment Consultant = Sales

/he says whilst shaking his fist at the man.

Add Customer Relations Executive to that list. Sales also.

I hate Sales :mad: Thankfully I don't have to do it. I just have to decipher/carry out/fix the mess that they requested.

My official title is Billing Analyst
and NO! I don't work in a call center! :mad:

Outer Bongolia

In Listowel on the farms there is a guy who has to wipe the sh*t off of the tractor wheels and I believe he goes by the title of Duke of Spatial Quality Levels in the field of Cultivatory Mechanical Utilation

Colonel Sanders

I used to work packing shelves in college, I was a 'Sales Assistant'

Even in some professions a lot of trainees have had the word 'trainee' removed from their title. I used to be a 'Trainee Actuary' or 'Actuarial Student', now, despite not having qualified or my job description not having changed at all, I am an 'Actuarial Analyst'!!! load of toss really. I know a couple of lads studying accountancy exams and its a pretty similar situation.

Reku

I blame the marketing types for this load of BS, who else would excel so much at putting spin on a job title.:mad:

I have heard of people getting job title improvements instead of pay rises, just because at least it looks better on a CV even if it really does have nothing to do with what you actually do.

I'm an Engineering assistant but that doesn't even begin to describe all my jobs within the company, and is not even a particularly accurate title when you even just consider my main job.

Nala

Executive Refuse Co-Ordinator = bin man

Doctor DooM

Hygiene technician = cleaner
Loss prevention officer = security guard

onechewy

In-flight service co-ordinator = Air Hostess

I heard that recently on Continental Airlines... funny

griffdaddy

Taxi Driver= Cúnt:D

jester77

Software Engineer -> coffee drinker/web surfer

digitally-yours

Technical Support Analyst = Free internet cafe

The ones i heard

Recruitment Officer .
Service delivery Manager.
Customer retention Officer.
Senior sales specialist

threebeards

Transparent Surface Technician - Window Cleaner

Zapp Brannigan

I have a name badge in work that names me as 'Senior Sales Assistant' dunno what it means but it makes me feel powerful!

Borneo Fnctn

For a period I was employed as a "retail merchandiser". I used to stack shelves in Spar.:(

Tigger

griffdaddy wrote: »

Taxi Driver= Cúnt:D

thats not very nice

Colonel Sanders

rbd wrote: »

thats not very nice

maybe not but pretty funny!

matrim

jester77 wrote: »

Software Engineer -> coffee drinker/web surfer

Not true, some of us drink tea

Dalfiatach

farohar wrote: »

I blame the marketing types for this load of BS, who else would excel so much at putting spin on a job title.:mad:

I have heard of people getting job title improvements instead of pay rises, just because at least it looks better on a CV even if it really does have nothing to do with what you actually do.

That's happened to me twice down the years. Offered a fancy title by the Marketdroid boss instead of getting paid what I was due. In both cases, the boss was genuinely shocked and stunned when I told him to shove the job title, I wanted the moolah. Neither of them could understand why I wasn't remotely interested in a meaningless shiny bauble :eek:

Marketing people are Evil. Their priorities are all wrong, they can't organise sh1t, and they don't seem to very good at actually marketing products, the ads are so full of shiny bling, FUD, spoofing, and terrible, terrible "wacky" "jokes".

Every single time I've seen a company go bad, it's the bloody Marketing people behind the collapse.

Every time I'm in a meeting with them, I'm forever reminded of 2 Ted scenes - "these cows are small..." and the bit where Ted waves a shiny sweetie in front of Dougal then throws it across the room.

When I'm Supreme Dictator they'll be the very first on the truck.

Laslo

Ah, fancy job titles! A great way for large multinational corporations to sucker young, over-educated, under-entrepreneurial Irish people into working boring jobs for crap money.

ejmaztec

Refuse Disposal Officer = Binman

experiMental

astrolinguist = guy who bought a degree in Klingon from an online university

Everyone's an engineer of some sort

Lil' Smiler

HOw about "Minister for..." they don't really do their jobs...:p

Naos

Asked a guy in Hawaii what he worked as:

Him: "Property Management"
Me: "Cool, what does that entail?"
Him: "Planting Shrups, trim hedges etc..."

He was a gardener.

Naikon

Myth wrote: »

Everyone's an engineer of some sort

Too true, nobody without an accredited degree and formal certification should ever consider the term "Engineer" in their title.

admiralofthefleet

dame wrote: »

First Impressions

i have interviewed loads of potential waitresses with excellent 'first impressions'

CantGetNoSleep

I know a prostitute, she calls herself "chief ejaculation invoker"

Dudess

Cleaner - hygiene operative
Person who does manicures (I think - or maybe puts on false nails or something) - nail technician
Sales specialist - shop assistant

jesus_thats_gre

System Operator = Billing Systems Support Engineer

I always use the 2nd one

DadaKopf

Can't find full-time work/laid off: Consultant.

Jigsaw

Intercourse Facilitation Engineer = hoor

Ruu_Old

Revenue Protection Officer->"Tickets please!"

Grafter = eejit

Dudess

Media freelancer - prostitute (I was one until a few days ago)