forget he lied or is it a warning?

LegacyUser

basically im here for a unbiased opinion. i dont want to overreact or put my bf, who i've been in a long term relationship with, in the dog house.

basically my bf has these new group of friends, of say three weeks. they're all new in college whereas im not. i was really happy for him as he was missing his own set of friends in his life. only met them all once. one of them made it kinda clear to me she didnt like me (at least i think so) but she told him she did like me. dont really care if she does but i wasnt allowed to hang around my bf with them because it makes her "uncomfortable" to have me there because shes going through a breakup.

so last night i decide to meet them in town because i like the rest of his mates and thought to give it another shot with herself to make things easier for my fella. ring up the bf to see if its ok with him, its fine and head in. (had been sick, needed fresh air, sick of being inside also)

make it in, within 5 minutes, after a 20 minute walk into town, he tells me he's bringing me home in a hour. i question, he says its coz im sick, i disagree ect eventually says its because the others dont want me around all night. im surprised because i usually get on with ppl and they had told him they did like me before so it was a bit of a u turn. i decide to walk home, theres no point hanging around ppl who dont like me right? lol i have plenty of friends so im not going to lose sleep over it.

my only issue regarding him at this stage is he says he didnt ask why or stand up to me. (am i wrong for feeling hurt by this?)

we live together so he gets back at 5. i get it out of him that the girl that i thought didnt like me didnt want me there because "apparently she likes me and didnt want me to think badly of her being upset over her bf and drinking herself stupid"?

he says he left them early because he was upset and wandered for hours. i feel sorry for him and forget about it all except focus my grumblings on his friend.

next morning get message from a friend telling me they saw him leaving at closing time with friends (she just mentioned it in relation to something else). so i ask him if its true, he says it is but then he went wandering by himself. ok, lying to get pity it seemed to me. he says he was a knee jerk reaction?

get into college meet friends, everythings blown over but i feel i havnt got the full story. ask again. admits he did go wandering but he went with them. so instead of this sad image he projected of him alone in towns wandering the streets it was him having a laugh with his mates.

i love him and i forget about it. but after he to go somewhere i started thinking... he lied so easily and manipuled me to get pity. i feel tricked. he's the only person i fully trusted but now i just feel hurt. hurt he cared more for this new friends feelings then mine and hurt that he could lie to me to trick me into feeling sorry for him so i'd forget what he did or didnt do.

im not so hurt i'd consider breaking up or going on a break but i dunno what to do.
keep a eye on what he says?
forget everything?
trust him blindly?

i dont want to overreact and havnt so far (got hsyterical ect). he knows everything i've said here but doesnt know what else to say but sorry and it wont happen again. my close friends who i talked to today think he's on thin ice ect but in a year long relationship we've ever fought or not got along. he only lied once before about the breakup he had before but that doesnt really count because it wasnt in our relationship if you understand what i mean.

trust has always been the most important part a relationship to me.

sorry its so long but what do you all think?

Miss Fluff

trust gone wrote: »

we live together so he gets back at 5. i get it out of him that the girl that i thought didnt like me didnt want me there because "apparently she likes me and didnt want me to think badly of her being upset over her bf and drinking herself stupid"?

Wooooaaahhhhh there:eek:So your boyfriend wants you to leave the pub because of some lame excuse made by this "friend" he has had for 3 weeks?

Carrigart Exile

This girl sound deranged and your boyfriend should steer clear. She is, by the sound of it, giving him attention (I do not mean anything else) and he is lapping it up.

What age are these people? They sound about 12?

ShiverinEskimo

He's enjoying the attention and probably feels like having you around means he has to act differently. He probably enjoys a little flirtation with his female mates which has to stop when you're around for obvious reasons and so is under the false impression that he cant be with his friends and be with his girlfriend at the same time.

I wouldn't be too worried overall about it.

I say all this knowing I am a different person around my female friends when I'm not with the girlfriend for the simple reason that if my girlfriend witnessed how I flirted and joked with my female friends she'd assume the worst - and would be wrong.

Is he the only one of the group with a partner? Maybe he just doesn't want to be they guy who brings the other half all the time.

Either way you dont have much to worry about, but dont force yourself into his circle of friends either - honestly I think 2 people in a relationship should have seperate friends - otherwise your whole life becomes your other half - can get clausterphobic.

Beruthiel

trust gone wrote: »

i get it out of him that the girl that i thought didnt like me didnt want me there because "apparently she likes me and didnt want me to think badly of her being upset over her bf and drinking herself stupid"?

Who gives a toss? Let her get over herself. You are his g/f, he knows this girl for five minutes, who's feelings should he be considering here exactly?
If he has to think even twice about that question then it's the door for him.

in a year long relationship we've ever fought or not got along.

So the question is, who does he value the most? I'm not getting how he is putting three week old friends ahead of you and lying to you about them.
Something is not adding up for me and unless he is one very dim bloke, one has to wonder what he's at exactly. Do you think that there might be something going on between this girl and himself?

Balmed Out

"apparently she likes me and didnt want me to think badly of her being upset over her bf and drinking herself stupid"?

I can only imagine if this were in any way true she would have left and not asked you to.

Mr. Incognito

Am I the only one thinking that maybe she has no problem with you. Like a girl would say that sort of thing to a guy she only knows three weeks. Sounds like your boyfriend has a crush on her, doesn't want you around and is turning it around and making it all about her problems.

Either way it's very fishy.

edanto

It's a warning that something is going on. It's probably something that he's not sure of, perhaps he hasn't crossed any lines, but try to talk it out.

Maybe he lied to you about walking around at night because he thought you'd be pissed if he was out all night with them, but that's a sh1tty excuse and you could give him a load of grief for treating you so shabbily.

What he might be going though is the buzz of meeting a new group of people that are oh-so incredible and they all get on so well and maybe he feels that's it's hard to reconcile that with his old world - so it could just be something going on with him and maybe this other girl is a red herring.

Here's something that I just found with google -
http://www.hodu.com/checklist.shtml

tazamia

SetantaL wrote: »

Am I the only one thinking that maybe she has no problem with you. Like a girl would say that sort of thing to a guy she only knows three weeks. Sounds like your boyfriend has a crush on her, doesn't want you around and is turning it around and making it all about her problems.

Either way it's very fishy.

I agree something not right

muppetkiller

SetantaL wrote: »

Am I the only one thinking that maybe she has no problem with you. Like a girl would say that sort of thing to a guy she only knows three weeks. Sounds like your boyfriend has a crush on her, doesn't want you around and is turning it around and making it all about her problems.

Either way it's very fishy.

+1

Storm_rages

eh.. there is something way off here..!!
If my boyfriend made me go home cause his friends of three weeks did not like me we would be having a Big chat!!!
No no no... that is not good enought!!!
and then he lied to you!!!
Kick his ass woman!!!!!!!!

So he has basically indicated to you through his actions that he prioritises friends he has had for 3 weeks over you who he has been with for X amount of time (Im assumin its a good while since u say u love him)


Thats not appropriate behaviour and the fact that he has taken their side over yours seemingly by allowing your integrity to be lowered. If I were you Id immediately point this out to him and ask him why he deemed it ok to allow them to dictate to him whether or not u were there. Id also make it very clear to him that this type of behaviour is not acceptable and I would let him know in no uncertain terms that u will not tolerate it.


Ill give u an example using my own situation. I REALLY dont like one of my best friends girlfriends. I have nothing good to say about her at all cos in my eyes she's a self centred idiot etc etc. But I wouldnt even dream of telling him that because I have too much respect for him and he obviously doesnt share my opinion!!. I certainly wouldnt even think of saying to him to leave her at home cos, for a start who the hell am I to be telling people who can and cannot come out in a group situation, its not some high school drama we're living in here, and of course as well because he thinks the world of her and would tell me where to go if I did, and he'd be spot on to do so. If they didnt like u they should have buttoned it cos its disrespectful to him as well as u to point it out to him.

Not only that example but my last girlfriend wasnt a popular figure with my friends but they never admitted it until after myself and herself had broken up. There was an air about them before that which implied that they didnt like her but it was exaxctly the same, they respected me and wouldnt have said it and they knew damn well theyd be on the receiving end of some unpleasant abuse from me if they ever did say anything to her or about her in my presence.


Its disrespectful to him on their part and disrespectful to you on his part for not being man enough to speak up on your behalf. Id strongly advise you to confront him about it cos brushing it under the rug is like telling him "Its ok to disrespect me" and, well frankly, it isnt. We all should have high enough self esteem to stand up for ourselves and not let anyone walk over us, even if the people we are standing up against are those closest to us. And the fact that he lied about walking around to manipulate u to feel guilty so he could sidestep this issue. That is a clear sign that he was aware that what he was doing was wrong.



U can choose to ignore all of this but by doing so you are allowing him to think its ok to treat you like you are inferior to both his friends and him.



Good luck.

mickoneill30

It's not going to work trying to keep girlfriend and friends seperate. He has to prioritise one if they don't get on. He's prioritising the wrong people. He's only known them 3 weeks an already their feelings are more important than yours. What's going to happen in the future? Is he going to keep going out with these friends and leaving you at home? How would that work for ya?

bronte

Op This female college friend of his sounds like trouble.
He doesn't sound like he has very much respect for you either, by 'bringing you home'
I wonder what age his friends are...excluding a new person like that sounds incredibly childish.
You need to find out exactly what's going on here because something doesn't add up.
Why would he side with these new people over his girlfriend?
Why does this female pal not seem to like you and doesn't want you around?
Why is he lying?

Talk to him...it's not good enough.

shoegirl

trust gone wrote: »

basically my bf has these new group of friends, of say three weeks. they're all new in college whereas im not. i was really happy for him as he was missing his own set of friends in his life. only met them all once. one of them made it kinda clear to me she didnt like me (at least i think so) but she told him she did like me. dont really care if she does but i wasnt allowed to hang around my bf with them because it makes her "uncomfortable" to have me there because shes going through a breakup.
...
my only issue regarding him at this stage is he says he didnt ask why or stand up to me. (am i wrong for feeling hurt by this?)

This is all bullsh**.

As you know getting on/not getting on with your partners friends is all part n parcel of the world of relationships, but you do have to make compromises and you certainly never, ever put your partner after some reative stranger who you know only a few weeks.

You certainly do not snub your partner for some spiteful bitch like this woman who seems intent on causing hassle through playing "poor me" games with her friends and your BF.

Why I think is obvious: this woman is playing a game and her cronies are playing along. Its an "oh poor me" game and its pure power. Its a good point as to why your BF is letting this happen, but he may not be the only person in this group taken in by this. My only question would also be what this womans longer term ulterior motives are - is she targeting your BF and wants you out of the way so she can have a clear shot?

I would let him know that this is totally unacceptable and you will not tolerate him humiliating you again like this.

Dizzyblonde

OP I really feel for you because he's just not treating you the way you deserve to be treated, as his girlfriend. The other posters have given you some great advice, but Id just like to say that what you do about this is your own business. However, if this kind of behaviour continues it's important for you to have a 'bottom line'. In other words, you need to decide just how much you'll take - your self-esteem is very important.
It sounds as though the novelty of college life and his new friends have gone to his head somewhat.

koneko

Yeah something doesn't sound right here, he's putting people he barely knows ahead of you, or there's something else going on.
I'm interested to see how this pans out, does he have any nights out with them planned? See how he reacts when you suggest you come along too.

My gut reaction says this girl could care less what you think of her (that story sounds like pure uncut bullshit), she just doesn't want you around because it'll stop her flirting with your bf.

Dinxminx

BULLSH!T!

Sorry but sometimes you just have to call it for what it is.

How could you have let yourself be manipulated so easily? Actually, don't answer that - it's happened to me before. Get some straight answers off your boy and don't trust him until you have the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Sounds to me like he might like this girl. If I were you I'd be building up my defences...

Wibbs

Big red flag. NO ifs buts or maybes. Something is going on that you're not privy to. Maybe nothing in actuality is going on, but the intention, whatever it is, is there.

Ishindar

interseting social sitation. lets break the situation down to its elements. the centre of the situation is your boyfriend. he is representing himself & his friends to you. he is telling u how "everyone" feels about the situation and the situation does not make social sense.
when a social sitation doesnt make sense u should question in your head what are the stakes for the person who presents the sitation.
your boyfriend clearly doesnt want you around while hes with these new "friends", this is obvious from his actions. he also builds a barrier between yourself and the girl in this new group.
when u take all these elements and question them one by one his motivation becomes clearer. his most likely motivation here is to prevent u from finding out that something has happened between him and the girl in the group.

tazamia

Seems to me as a fella, he is up to something has this college friend actually siad anything to you or is it all from what he is saying?

Personally if I was going out with you and some newly made friends asked me not to bring you along to something they would be at I WON'T bother with them again

Ps what age group are all involved

How Strange

I agree with all of the above. Maybe nothing has happened yet but something is going on.

It sounds like your bf is abit easily led too. Not that its any excuse. Ask him about it. I've seen situations where evil little b*tches manipulate men, saying the most awful things with a smile on their faces and the men are just in awe of them.

Talk to him and knock this crap on the head before it gets out of hand.

LegacyUser

wow, i thought i'd get yelled at for being too selfish or expecting too much of him or something.

firstly to address maybe theres a little something something going on between them. i've seen a photo of her bf (he lives in a different country) he's like a badly looking version of my bf. so i figure shes got a thing for him. plus shes said things like "he's so cute" to me and lied about him txting her all week (i know for a fact he had no money that week and had to txt off the web to his own mother and me). she can play all the little teenager mind games she wants, at the end of the day she looks like a man (really the girl was hit by the ugly stick every branch down) and to be frank my bf has a type. im not saying im a super model but im pretty good lol. shes a very moral girl and he prefers them well... not.

he has however known i think she likes him. he says he doesant believe me, meh.

him and his mates range in age from 17-19. im 20.

i was going to confront her yesturday to basically tell her she has no right to not let me come and if she doesnt want me there to do it herself. thankfully my mate rang me and yelled at me to come to hers. she told me and its very VERY true if i had talked to the girl it would have made her day or life it seems. she would have realised the damage she had caused and it would egg her on.
my bf did tell her from me that if she has a problem with me being there to tell me yourself. she faubed it off by saying that would be akward for her. its all about her lol isnt it?

so my friend made me realise she owes me nothing its my bf thats in the dog house and deserves a yelling not her. he has been super nice buying me a huge bar of chocolate, going to supermacs after work to get me a muffin icecream thing, picked flowers ect but he's not going to get off that easy. had a big calm talk with him when he got back from work at 3. he just keeps saying sorry and its been the worst 24 hours of his life and he's learnt his lesson.

im not going to go along with them again. i feel unwanted by them and tbh i have better friends i'd have more fun with. i would like to send her the message to feck off but im not sure how to do that without her knowing shes getting to me. i really wish he'd stop making excuses for her though.
what to do....

LegacyUser

i would like to add i was very upset when he did tell me and i walked home telling him to leave me alone. it wasnt like he told me to feck off home. he wanted me to stay until they wanted me to leave (oh jesus see how stupid i sound? how come he didnt realise how stupid he was?)

well the first thing he's going to do tonight when he gets back is read all your comments. he thinks im just being paranoid about this girl....

strawberrybox

hey your boyfriend is way way out of line siding with that girl over you the absoutle cheak of her to suggest you go home and for your b/f to pander to her instead of saying hang on a min she is my g/f if your not comfortable then you go home but she is staying which is what he shoulld of done, they all sound really childish your b/f included-

a similar thing happend to me years ago my b/f was in college and he hung out with a new group of class mates and there was a girl there who made it abundently clear that she didnt like me being part of the gang and actually flirted a couple of times with my b/f in front of my face and tryed to make it like they had a load of "in" jokes that i wasnt party to, i had a word with the other people of the group and just said is is just me or is xxx going out of her way to be snide to me and the rest of the group then admitted that no i wasnt imagining it that they had noticed it to, so i had a little chat with this girl on the quiet nothing heavy or anything i just basicly told her i knew her type and the games she was trying to play and my fella wouldnt touch her with a bardge pole and she was making a show of herself that everyone knew what she was up to,- the BIG difference here is my B/F totally backed me up and NEVER put her or her silly games before my feelings-

LegacyUser

i hope my new two posts went through i used a gone trust instead oops.

god this is getting me so angry at my bf and actually making me wonder maybe there is something going on. he refuses to admit he manipulated me on purpose though.

if she is playing games shes very good at it because he told me she said she enjoyed meeting me at a event the other day (nothing to do with the other night).

i know he's trying to make it up to me but this isnt the first time he hasnt stood up for me in front of these friends. this little girl said "we arnt very talkative tonight because well you're here and you dont have the same interests as us" then she went on the whole night about a internet thingy only her and my bf knew about and talked over everyone about it of the rest of us were sitting there like mugs. if it had been anyone else i would have called them out on it but i felt i shouldnt because these were his friends.

the thing is he says im allowed to go with them if shes not there like theres a thing coming up that she has no interest in so i've been invited. it makes me so angry that he makes everything about her needs and wants.

ali.c

The whole thing is odd tbh. Just another perspective though, i know when i started my course last year i didnt make a huge effort to involve my boyfriend in the social scene at the start. My reasoning was that i didnt really know these people that well and wanted to get to know them on my own. its not that he didnt come out on nights out or whatever but i did appreciate the space to make new friends if that makes sense?

Now as for the friend being uncomfortable with your presence, i would say bull****. I have loads of male friends and the first thing i do when they introduce their girlfriends is be nice and friendly and make an effort to get to know them. As i have been on the other end and an unfriendly welcome is just horrible.

My point is, him wanting to go out with his friends and maybe not be real inclusive of you is somewhat understandable. The lying and this girls behaviour is well off normal IMHO.

LegacyUser

oh i completely understand that he needs his own mates and this was only the second time i met them. i told him its ok if thats what it is he just needs to give me a heads up. he completely denies thats the case and keeps telling me he wants me. thats why he invited me to this thing coming up he says. yeah because SHE wont be there *huff*

strawberrybox

[the thing is he says im allowed to go with them if shes not there like theres a thing coming up that she has no interest in so i've been invited. it makes me so angry that he makes everything about her needs and wants.[/QUOTE]


Excuse me you are ALLOWED to go with them if she is not there oh my god - just who the **** is he going out with!!!!!! you seriously need to take a step back here and have a look at what you just wrote - who does he think he is telling you what events you can attend this is totally totally messed up and im sorry if this is going to sound harsh but you are a bigger fool for putting up with this crap he is clearly putting this girl he knows for what weeks before you- thats what is boils down to - are you that insecure and needy that you want to go out withsome one like that who does not totally and utterly put you first i know i couldnt

lost trust

lost trust wrote: »

i would like to add i was very upset when he did tell me and i walked home telling him to leave me alone. it wasnt like he told me to feck off home. he wanted me to stay until they wanted me to leave (oh jesus see how stupid i sound? how come he didnt realise how stupid he was?)

Well the first thing he's going to do tonight when he gets back is read all your comments. he thinks im just being paranoid about this girl....

U say his mates are 17-19 and u are 20? Maybe, and Im bein serious here, but maybe ur too mature for them. She sounds like a complete twat to be honest. What kind of person tells someone not to bring out their significant other just cos they dont like them? A self centred muppet is the answer Id normally give to that Q.


Im 23 so Im not long past that immaturity level that she's showing and I still remember seein this sorta thing first hand not that long ago, and like I said in my last post I have seen from both sides how these things go and its not normal behaviour to tell someone that u dont like their partner, its just not on.



He wanted u to stay until they wanted u to leave????? Tell him to f*ck off, what kind of an expectation is that to be putting on somebody who's supposed to be your number one priority? I honestly cant believe he's happy to socialise with these losers.

LegacyUser

trust me i've called them every name under the sun. it probably doesnt help that they all found it hard to make friends in school (surprise surprise) but im not making excuses for them for being socially handicapped.

oh and i did tell him to feck off, many many times.

i know im being a fool but after spending a year together with literally no hicups i feel he's allowed to make a mistake, but its that he's made so many in such a short period of time.

trust gone

trust gone wrote: »

i hope my new two posts went through i used a gone trust instead oops.

god this is getting me so angry at my bf and actually making me wonder maybe there is something going on. he refuses to admit he manipulated me on purpose though.

if she is playing games shes very good at it because he told me she said she enjoyed meeting me at a event the other day (nothing to do with the other night).

i know he's trying to make it up to me but this isnt the first time he hasnt stood up for me in front of these friends. this little girl said "we arnt very talkative tonight because well you're here and you dont have the same interests as us" then she went on the whole night about a internet thingy only her and my bf knew about and talked over everyone about it of the rest of us were sitting there like mugs. if it had been anyone else i would have called them out on it but i felt i shouldnt because these were his friends.

the thing is he says im allowed to go with them if shes not there liketheres a thing coming up that she has no interest in so i've been invited. it makes me so angry that he makes everything about her needs and wants.

You're "allowed" go wherever the hell u want with him. If he wants a night with the lads then great but it should be on the provision that u agree to stay home or see your friends as opposed to u not being "allowed" to go.

Of course he manipulated u on purpose, he implied he was wanderin around aimlessly cos he was upset when in reality he was probably running around havin a singalong with his mates. Maybe he just doesnt understand the meaning of the word "manipulation"

Seriously have more respect for yourself than that. U shouldnt be letting her say those comments to you without giving it back to her there and then. If she tries to mask her smarmyness with a smile then give it back to her just like that. As in smile, look her in the eye and say "sorry, im just a bit out of my element, Im used to being around friendly outgoing people". Dont rise to her bait tho, keep a cool head. Be assertive and confident and never let her get u angry (at least never let her make u show signs of anger even if u feel like exploding inside!!)

LegacyUser

jesus i've been SUCH a walk over! this so isnt like me! everyone who knows me knows you dont mess with me. i guess i was bending over backwards because i love him and wanted him to be happy. ffs he's made me look a twat. he offered to stop being friends with them to make me feel better but again he knew i'd never tell him to do that. the other 2 mates are ok its just HER i have a problem with.

Dinxminx

You have got to sort this out.

Two years ago my boyfriend was in a new class in college and made new friends. My boyfriend "didn't feel comfortable" with me mixing with them; two girls in particular. Whenever I bumped into either of these two girls with him they would completely blank me and speak to my boyfriend as if I wasn't there. They wouldn't even look at me.

I felt threatened in their presence and so didn't hang out with them ever - a while later something happened between him and one of the two girls -I had only myself to blame for not having seen it coming - cue lots of fighting and tears.

Could be different in your case but sounds the same to me. Sort it out now before it's too late.

Quigs Snr

Smells fishy to be honest. He might be trying to have his cake and eat it, he might be relishing the attention this other one is throwing his way. In general though I find that regardless of anything else, a liar is always a liar and will never change, usually resulting in a lifetime of misery for you. Little white lies I can handle, but home at 5am with another woman in some way involved and some cock and bull story to boot, would be enough for me to hand out the marching orders. I am a guy and I am sure I cannot speak for all of us, but I can speak for the majority of the lads I know and have known. If we are being sneaky and filling you full of crap, its usually because we are up to something...

Then again forgiveness is not really my forte. I am honest, upfront and loyal and damn it if I don't expect the same in return. Trouble with relationships, at least for me, is that suspicion is all thats required, not proof, to turn something sour and he is giving you plenty of cause to be suspicious. Make it clear you won't stand for it or give him the boot right now. If you act like a doormat he will walk on you.

Quigs Snr

Quigs Snr wrote: »

I am honest, upfront and loyal and damn it if I don't expect the same in return. Trouble with relationships, at least for me, is that suspicion is all thats required, not proof, to turn something sour and he is giving you plenty of cause to be suspicious. Make it clear you won't stand for it or give him the boot right now. If you act like a doormat he will walk on you.

Thats it. U have to demand to receive what u give. If u are upfront and they are secretive its not on.


The amount of people who fail to realise that there are loads more poople out there for them and get bogged down by one person while clinging to some fairytale concept of "the one" or all that nonsense, and as a result put up with endless amounts of sh*te is staggering.

LegacyUser

i dunno my last post didnt come up

look im not going to dump my bf. yes he's been a right tit but in the past year he's helped me through clinical depression, self harm and family problems. he's always been there for me. im going to give him another chance but i've already told him if he messes up again like this thats it. i've had bfs before who truely treated me like **** and i was quick enough to get out when the time came.

tazamia

U say his mates are 17-19 and u are 20? Maybe, and Im bein serious here, but maybe ur too mature for them.


I agree neil1984 and Quigs snr he is up to somthing I think if i were you I would start bracing myself for the inevitable that this may end in tears!

On the other hand would i be rite in saying that this is his first few weeks in first year?

if so I can Honestly say that the 95% of people I was "friends" with in the first month or so in college I have nothing to do with any longer and i think this is so for most people, its kind of "I have to be friends with someone" when you first start but eventually you all get together with people you have more in common with, you get on better with.

so I think in the end its up to you, if you think the trust is gone its only going to go down hill from here or you can try and stick it out and see will it pass

tazamia

tazamia wrote: »

if so I can Honestly say that the 95% of people I was "friends" with in the first month or so in college I have nothing to do with any longer and i think this is so for most people, its kind of "I have to be friends with someone" when you first start but eventually you all get together with people you have more in common with, you get on better with.

so I think in the end its up to you, if you think the trust is gone its only going to go down hill from here or you can try and stick it out and see will it pass

Its not the point tho. the point is that he has allowed strangers to walk over her n thats just outta order.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

Im 23 so Im not long past that immaturity level that she's showing and I still remember seein this sorta thing first hand not that long ago, and like I said in my last post I have seen from both sides how these things go and its not normal behaviour to tell someone that u dont like their partner, its just not on.

the thing is shes smart about it, she doesnt say she doesnt like me, she says she likes me. the reason she gave was she liked me too much for me to see her plastered. she wanted to get upset about her bf or something.

SarahSassy

trust gone wrote: »

the thing is he says im allowed to go with them if shes not there like theres a thing coming up that she has no interest in so i've been invited.

WHAT????????????????????

You are 'allowed' ??? Is he your boss???? You need to take control of this situation quick smart. He is being a total spinless wimp and to be frank obviously has (at minimum) a crush on this girl. He is trying to keep the 2 women in his life separate and not showing you any respect by lying to you.... I guess he was 'wandering' all night but may be a different type of 'wandering' than you were originally thinking.

Serious chat about boundaries within your relationship is required. Sounds like his head has been turned by this girl - only he can turn to back again...

dudara

SarahSassy wrote: »

He is trying to keep the 2 women in his life separate and not showing you any respect by lying to you

This sounds very much like the truth. Time for a serious chat methinks.

trust gone

trust gone wrote: »

the thing is shes smart about it, she doesnt say she doesnt like me, she says she likes me. the reason she gave was she liked me too much for me to see her plastered. she wanted to get upset about her bf or something.

Seriously, a 4 year old child wouldnt be stupid enough to use an excuse like that to their parents and think they'd get away with it. Thats a crock of sh*te, how gullible does she think u are? "Allowing" u to come out or not is the end of the road with her imo. i know this sounds extreme but u have been severely disrespected by him and if i were u i would walk unless he sees the light cos it sounds like shes wrapped her finger around his head. I would walk away if he continues contact with her. theere are boundaries and he has crossed it.

B00MSTICK

Ultimatum time I think...

echosound

Seriously - that sounds nuts. All I can think when I read your posts is "uh oh". He's "allowing" you to go to an event if and when she decides that event is beneath her??? Is she that mental she cannot bear to be in the same room as you without her head exploding or something? TBH it does sound to me like there is more to this situation between your BF and this girl than you are hearing.

I don't know any sane person who would put friends of 3 weeks ahead of his or her own partner - who they are living with FFS! - and demand you leave the premises as one girl in the group doesn't like you, or "likes you too much". My own partner (husband) has recently started back in college as a mature student, and I can tell you, if anyone of his new "friends" so much as made a sniffy face in my direction, they'd be getting an earful about respect quicksmart, not from me, but from my partner. Your BF should want to defend you or to tell these idiots that you are the most important person in his life, and the least they can do - out of respect to him - is be polite to you, they don't have to like you to be polite.

Sorry to have to say this but I would be bracing myself for a conversation sometime in the future with your BF, along the lines of him saying "well I've fallen for her". It really sounds like this girl is doing all she can to cut you out of your BF's social life, with the hopes of eventually cutting you out full stop from his life. Your BF needs to get a full dose of cop-on and realise he's being a complete ass in allowing her to do so. Is it really all her doing though? You've said she's not said anything directly herself in your company, and it's all coming from your BF's mouth - are you sure it's not that your BF is attracted to her, and wants to see where he stands with her, and asuch wants you off the scene while he figures it out?

Again, I'm sorry, maybe I'm wrong, but from past experience, if a girl "friend" goes out of her way to be ignorant to a male friend's "girlfriend" and tries to exclude her, it's so she can try to swing the affection towards her and push the GF out of the picture.

LegacyUser

I'm trust_gone's boyfriend, and I'm going to try and explain myself.

I didn't realise any of this was going to hurt anyone's feelings. Trying not to upset anyone was exactly why I did anything.

LegacyUser

he's going to tell her he shouldnt have agreed to what she said because it was respectful of her to think he'd go along with it and it was disrespectful to me.

SarahSassy

The Boyfriend wrote: »

I'm trust_gone's boyfriend, and I'm going to try and explain myself.

I didn't realise any of this was going to hurt anyone's feelings. Trying not to upset anyone was exactly why I did anything.

Is that your explanation????

In your 'trying not to upset anyone' you upset the most important person in your life. You have lied to her, sidelined her and mistreated her... You are lucky she hasnt dumped you yet.

Thats some explanation alright.


So basically you're saying that because u didnt have the nerve to upset someone because standing up for your gf would do just that u decided to take the easy way out and marginalise her for the benefit of some immature attention seeking idiot who judges people she doesnt know?

SarahSassy

Deleted User wrote: »

Thats some explanation alright.


So basically you're saying that because u didnt have the nerve to upset someone because standing up for your gf would do just that u decided to take the easy way out and marginalise her for the benefit of some immature attention seeking idiot who judges people she doesnt know?

:D:D:D:D:D

Nail on the head Neil....

SarahSassy

trust gone wrote: »

he's going to tell her he shouldnt have agreed to what she said because it was respectful of her to think he'd go along with it and it was disrespectful to me.

Ah isnt he a great fella and he will be an even better one now that he has grown a pair of .....

The best thing he could do is not mention it to her at all. Get on with your lives and forget about her.... She did nothing wrong as such. She sounds silly but in fairness she is not your boyfriend. Dont blame her for his actions.