Morbid thoughts

LegacyUser

I'm fine during the day but at night, once the lights are off and I'm lying in the darkness I can't help but think about the fact that I will be dead someday. It seems so frightening and inevitable and sometimes I get so scared thinking about it I start trembling and can't sleep and start to feel really panicked. It's happened during the day a couple of times as well but that's very rare.

It's really stupid I know but the thoughts just won't leave my head and the idea of infinite nothingness just seems so much more real at night. I think about the fact that I cold die young, one of my friends could die young, that my life is so short and meaningless and will be over before I know it no matter how old I get, and all these stupid things. I try to fill my head with other thoughts, or think about nothing at all, but the thoughts just creep back in.

Intellectually I know it's pointless to think about, and that living in fear of death is no life at all, but none of it helps once I'm in bed and my mind is racing.

I guess I'm posting to see if other people feel the same way and have the same thoughts or is unusual to be having these thoughts almost every night?

bostonian

fear of death is related to a lack of solid belief in what happens after you die, no matter your creed. nobody wants to die, but for people of various faiths, it's seen as only a transition. imagine how frightening birth is to a fetus when labor begins!

Jesus Wept

Ah it's not stupid OP.

I'm sure it's not unusual to think about...

Being thinking lately what it will be like if I'm old, and if I'll have people around me or maybe be all alone, I dunno, life is so weird...

And dying? wtf is that like... sounds a bit terrifying tbh...
Hopefully that act won't take long. :eek:

And why can't it just be a quiet passing around a certain age, instead of people dieing at various ages from unspeakably awful diseases and sicknesses....

I doubt I'd have the strength to deal with that, I dunno how people cope...



And then all the people you know dieing, and your siblings and family, I've being to a handful of funerals in my life, it seems my dad is at one every month. It sounds fúcking dreadful.

It's the growing old I just can't picture, it's hard to picture yourself and what your thought process will be at age 60, or 70, or 80 :eek: ... when you are in your 20's or 30's.

I find it hard to imagine myself 10 years from now let alone then...

Life is weird, and cruel.


(I may get slated here, but) I think it may be harder for those of us who don't believe in an afterlife, and believe in finality.
(which shouldn't be a reason to get faithful, though often is, some people seem to get more spiritual with age, I guess it's an in-built survival technique).


I don't fear not existing, I don't fear the act of dieing (if hypothetically it was relatively quick and non-complicated :rolleyes: chance would be a fine thing.)

It's growing old, and more so, witnessing my family and friends pass away, or get ill (my 3 sibblings are smokers, I sometimes get flash forwards to their possible horrible ailments of the future )

[/rambling]
[/downer]

star-pants

stupidreally wrote:

I guess I'm posting to see if other people feel the same way and have the same thoughts or is unusual to be having these thoughts almost every night?

Hey OP -- it's not that uncommon... I used to get things like that when I was younger -- I called them 'awake nightmares' because they were usually about me or closest to me dying, being stuck in coffins.. .etc.. horribly morbid.. and I'd lie there crying because it was like a nightmare but I was already awake and therefore couldn't "wake up"... just had to let it pass... it would fill up my mind and I couldn't navigate away from it.
It might be a phase, I don't know whatever caused it but I don't have them any more. But I do empathise with you because I used to be so scared by them.

I don't really know what to suggest except try and relax before you go to bed, read a book (even just a little bit) thats completely light and or a bit of tv/movie thats lighthearted. And maybe try and empty your mind before trying to sleep.. if the thoughts start coming in -- try to think of something else.. more powerful. . like.. an event coming up.. or a list of things you need to do.. it may not work at first but if you're persistant it might break your minds morbid thought pattern a little.

Reku

stupidreally wrote:

I'm fine during the day but at night, once the lights are off and I'm lying in the darkness I can't help but think about the fact that I will be dead someday. It seems so frightening and inevitable and sometimes I get so scared thinking about it I start trembling and can't sleep and start to feel really panicked. It's happened during the day a couple of times as well but that's very rare.

It's really stupid I know but the thoughts just won't leave my head and the idea of infinite nothingness just seems so much more real at night. I think about the fact that I cold die young, one of my friends could die young, that my life is so short and meaningless and will be over before I know it no matter how old I get, and all these stupid things. I try to fill my head with other thoughts, or think about nothing at all, but the thoughts just creep back in.

Intellectually I know it's pointless to think about, and that living in fear of death is no life at all, but none of it helps once I'm in bed and my mind is racing.

I guess I'm posting to see if other people feel the same way and have the same thoughts or is unusual to be having these thoughts almost every night?

Everyone has these sort of thoughts, but to actually be (by the sounds of things) on the verge of a panic attack about them is unusual...
One possible outlook that might help is the fact that once you are dead there's no going back, maybe you still exist in some form, maybe you don't, use this to motivate you to get started on a personal to-do list and live the life you feel you could look back on and at least be able to be happy with the life you lived.
Is there something you're afraid of not achieving before you die that you really want to do, a life goal?

I would perhaps suggest seeing a professional though to try help you deal with it though, as I said, you seem to be having a more difficult time than I would think normal in accepting the inevitable.

GhostInTheRuins

The-Rigger wrote:

I don't fear not existing, I don't fear the act of dieing (if hypothetically it was relatively quick and non-complicated chance would be a fine thing.)

It's growing old, and more so, witnessing my family and friends pass away, or get ill (my 3 sibblings are smokers, I sometimes get flash forwards to their possible horrible ailments of the future

That's exactly how I feel too. I can live with the fact that I'll be dead. Dying will be simple* (I came -> - <- this close before and wouldn't have noticed the difference except I woke up). It's the fact that I might live long enough to see everyone around me die that scares me.


* Unless you're being horribly tortured

aoife2k

Hi OP...

I used to think the same way you did....i'd lie awake all night in bed with all these thoughts just racing around in my head...I'd eventually fall asleep of pure exhaustion at about 3/4am. Then I discovered angels. Now i'm not trying to convert or preach or anything and I'm not very religious myself but after looking up a few things on the internet I came across Jacky Newcomb a.k.a The Angel Lady. (www.jackynewcomb.com)

I bought her book 'Angels Watching Over Me' and it's really lifted the way I think of things death related. It's a nice read and you don't have to believe or understand the whole book but take from it what is relevent to your situation. It's not a cult or some scam that there are certain rules etc...to follow. You can do whatever you want but it gives you peace of mind.

That's just my 2c...

vorbis

I get these from time to time as well. I believe its like a phase you go through. For me the big thing is dying! The idea that you will die and no longer be around. It scares me sometimes, we do most stuff in life on a never ending basis. I.e. get up, go to work, finish, have dinner, watch movie / play sport, go to bed. The idea that you definitely will die can make everything seem so meaningless. no real advice to give you, jsut one of thsoe things that passes.

Dave147

Hi OP, I used get this very regularly when I was about 14/15, it's nothing to be ashamed of or feel stupid about - the realisation of death is a terrifying thing and the fact that you don't know how long you'll live is even worse. Are you religious? It would probably help if you have some faith.

I am agnostic and have no belief at all so I just had to try and grow out of it... I find thinking about other things, and making plans in your head when you're going to sleep help take your mind off it, I know it's hard but just try your best.

highlydebased

I get this sometimes too........best try think of something else to try take your mind off it.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone, it helps just to hear other peoples thoughts on the subject.

I'm not religious at all, I don't believe in an afterlife or anything like that and I doubt I ever will. I'm sure that's a massive part of the problem, if I believed there was something after death it wouldn't scare me half as much. The-Rigger, I know what you mean about it being easier for people who believe, and I wish I could believe too but I'm just not wired that way and I doubt that will ever change. (Sorry my thread got you down by the way!)

I generally stick to light-hearted tv/movies/books, especially before bed, but I'm going to take peoples advice and try to control my thoughts more, make plans in my head and so on. I wish I could channel those dark thoughts to make me use my life to better effect but when I wake up the next morning it all seems so unreal again, until that night when it all starts again.

tritium

Hi Op

Well, the fact is, you will be some day

nothing you can do about it, and, snce no one knows when, not much point worrying about it. Obvious I know and I'm not trying to trivialise your problem. However, many people have these thoughts, as lots of other posters have already attested to. The thing is what do you do with them.

personally I figure given that its inevitable, I should use that to try to actually live (I mean really LIVE) while I'm here, and concentrate on the thought of how I'm living and going to live rather than the bit at the end I can't really understand. I find that makes things a lot easier for me

Hope thats some help

Esel

This might help - leave a low-wattage lamp on!

Jesus Wept

stupidreally wrote: »

Thanks everyone, it helps just to hear other peoples thoughts on the subject.

I'm not religious at all, I don't believe in an afterlife or anything like that and I doubt I ever will. I'm sure that's a massive part of the problem, if I believed there was something after death it wouldn't scare me half as much. The-Rigger, I know what you mean about it being easier for people who believe, and I wish I could believe too but I'm just not wired that way and I doubt that will ever change. (Sorry my thread got you down by the way!)

I generally stick to light-hearted tv/movies/books, especially before bed, but I'm going to take peoples advice and try to control my thoughts more, make plans in my head and so on. I wish I could channel those dark thoughts to make me use my life to better effect but when I wake up the next morning it all seems so unreal again, until that night when it all starts again.

lol, you didn't get me down. I guess similar thoughts have crossed my mind lately, perhaps because I just had a birthday and age wise am now closer to 30 than 20.

I don't really want to believe in an Afterlife, purely because I don't logically believe in it, and I think it would be really convenient for me (and people in general) to start getting faithful as I get older and closer to death.

Again I think it's a defense mechanism, albeit, it must be necessary for one society to survive and people to function on a day to day basis.

Anyhow, It's good to talk about these things if they are on your mind, it's strange people don't talk about them a bit more, it's like the elephant in corner which the majority of us seem to ignore most of the time.

I mean, I've almost never had a conversation like this with any member of my family.

LegacyUser

the same thing happened to me when I was 18 following the death of a family member. It just came on out of the blue a few months after the funeral- I suddenly woke during the night absolutely petrified and couldn't get back to sleep because of the awful realisation that I was one day not going to be here and I had no control over how or when that might be. I don't think I had a good nights sleep for around 4months afterwards: like you said its possible to distract yourself during the day when there are people around (even though you sometimes want to scream at them for seeming so oblivious to something that is never out of your mind) but at night it becomes unbearable. I became afraid of the dark and of being on my own and would stay up with all lights on watching TV till I fell asleep in my chair. I found it helped to read self-help books on controlling anxiety (randomly found one on a bad night and treated it like a bible for a while cos the act of reading and concentrating on the breathing exercises etc really heped me relax. It started to go away on its own though and now I can barely remember how it felt. From what I've read I think that realisation of ones own mortality seems to be something that most people will go through at some stage in their lives and if thats so its probably good to get it over with! As I said, it doesn't last and things will start to take on meaning again. It will just gradually fade away without you noticing until you realise you havn't though about it for days. I don't think you're ever quite the same person afterwards- I find that I am far more laid-back about little things and can focus properly on the things that are important to me.

_hybrid_

i'm bipolar and as such i'm not sure what is normal but I can relate to this big time. do you find yourself getting surges of energy/laughter sometimes?how old are you?it could be signs of the early stages.

LegacyUser

Try figuring out what it is about death that frightens you. In the past, I was plagued by thoughts of death that implied I would still be conscious of things. Once I figured out that I would simply not be conscious of anything anymore, these thoughts became less threatening to me.

Schopenhauer put it like this (not quoting, just outlining the basic idea): The state of your consciousness when you're dead is the same it was long before you were born.

To me, this thought is of comforting. Might help you too...?

_hybrid_

i'm bipolar and as such i'm not sure what is normal but I can relate to this big time. do you find yourself getting surges of energy/laughter sometimes?how old are you?it could be signs of the early stages.

LegacyUser

Hello.

I'm not a huge fan of 'church' stuff - but I do think that there is the possibility of an afterlife. I could say a lot about why I think this - but I won't ; keep it short (so to speak).

However, I do think that if we exist in this life (afterall, we're here communicating with
each other) then anything is possible - and, therefore, why can we not exist (in some form or other) in another, different dimension ?

Also, some people have had an 'out of body' experience ... I'm sure you can research about that yourself (there have been books written on the topic).

gal_anonim

It may sound sentimental/stupid for some but when I have this toughts [and they leave me pretty scared ] it helps cuddling against my bf and thinking that he is going to die too and I wouldn't like to stay here, alone, without him.
Plus having faith there's something after death helps too.

romarr

meditation is really useful for this kind of thing... and it doesent have to be religious. It just teaches you that thoughts are just that, thoughts (and not you). You very quickly learn how observe your thoughts, the result of which can feel like a ton weight lifting from your shoulders... "mindfulness of breathing" does it for me. It does take a bit of commitment though... as with anything if you dont practice it, it wont work ...

Ps loads of scientific research coming out recently about the positive effects of mindfulness (have a look on google scholar)

Best of luck...

_hybrid_

a fundamental law of the universe that we live in is; energy is neither created nor destroyed,only changed from one form into another. every positive act towards another person shall resonate throughout society for the rest of its existence. you have control over the destiny of your 'soul'/essence, use it. think about it, you are guaranteed an afterlife(although not a conscious one), don't rest your happiness on a transcendental afterlife. be here,now.

p.s like the mention of schopenhaeur, love his theory on the suspension of the will, check it out, beautiful!

Calibos

Schopenhauer wrote: »

Try figuring out what it is about death that frightens you. In the past, I was plagued by thoughts of death that implied I would still be conscious of things. Once I figured out that I would simply not be conscious of anything anymore, these thoughts became less threatening to me.

Schopenhauer put it like this (not quoting, just outlining the basic idea): The state of your consciousness when you're dead is the same it was long before you were born.

To me, this thought is of comforting. Might help you too...?

Great post. Was going to say the same myself. Does how I felt for the billions of years before I was born frighten me? No? Then why should the way I feel for the next few billions of years bother me.

All I fear is a painful death. Then again thats not limited to death. I fear pain full stop but its not something I dwell on day to day. Don't forget religious people fear a painful death too. The existance of a god does not help them avoid that prospect so it can be no consolation to them in that regard. Plus religious people have to worry about whether they are praying to the right God or whether they are even praying right. They worry about going to Hell etc. In fact perhaps this explains the paradox that religious people seem to fear death more than the non religious in general.

The way I look at it is this. If there is no God and afterlife and I just cease to exist then I won't eh....exist to experience my non existence. If there is a God then hopefully he is the all loving and forgiving God and will forgive the heathen. The fact that I akm a good person should be enough. If he is the vain God described by most religions that requires adulation and prayer and I get sent to Hell because I was an atheist well then F*&k him. I'm glad I didn't believe in him. Send me to hell and do your worst you egotistical supernatural maniac!!

Ballerina

ah its nice to know im not the only one

I had them kinda moments when i was much younger and i would run into my parents room crying uncontrollably and being scared of the whole "infinity" thing.the moments came back recently and i literally tremble when they do

what i do is listen to my radio with my earphones every night at a low volume but loud enough to hear what people are saying and it completely takes my mind off it.i just fall asleep listening to it and as i fall asleep i move and i must always move the earphones off my ears!

best thing id recommend because for me,thinking about an event or something coming up to take my mind off it never worked because the thoughts were just too strong.

let us know if any of the suggestions work for you because i recently lost my earphones so im f*cked

Jesus Wept

_hybrid_ wrote: »

a fundamental law of the universe that we live in is; energy is neither created nor destroyed,only changed from one form into another. every positive act towards another person shall resonate throughout society for the rest of its existence. you have control over the destiny of your 'soul'/essence, use it. think about it, you are guaranteed an afterlife(although not a conscious one), don't rest your happiness on a transcendental afterlife. be here,now.

p.s like the mention of schopenhaeur, love his theory on the suspension of the will, check it out, beautiful!

Guaranteed an afterlife? :rolleyes:

Spare me.

_hybrid_

rigger, you obviously didn't think about the post i gave. i am an atheist! i am saying that you are guaranteed an afterlife in a different sense. you will live on through everybody you have some sort of influence on...through everybody they have an influence on...ad infinum. i don't mean some sort of conscious blissful state. it could be considered some sort of abstract reincarnation in the metaphorical sense. I dont believe that jesus christ was the son of god, however, the mortal being jesus christ is still living(not consciously) in the sense that he is still influencing/touching people through his teachings.

therefore, i have to disagree with you, you can guarantee yourself an afterlife,just not in the conventional sense.

think twice before you jump the gun

Jesus Wept

_hybrid_ wrote: »

a fundamental law of the universe that we live in is; energy is neither created nor destroyed,only changed from one form into another. every positive act towards another person shall resonate throughout society for the rest of its existence. you have control over the destiny of your 'soul'/essence, use it. think about it, you are guaranteed an afterlife(although not a conscious one), don't rest your happiness on a transcendental afterlife. be here,now.

p.s like the mention of schopenhaeur, love his theory on the suspension of the will, check it out, beautiful!

_hybrid_ wrote: »

rigger, you obviously didn't think about the post i gave. i am an atheist! i am saying that you are guaranteed an afterlife in a different sense. you will live on through everybody you have some sort of influence on...through everybody they have an influence on...ad infinum. i don't mean some sort of conscious blissful state. it could be considered some sort of abstract reincarnation in the metaphorical sense. I dont believe that jesus christ was the son of god, however, the mortal being jesus christ is still living(not consciously) in the sense that he is still influencing/touching people through his teachings.

therefore, i have to disagree with you, you can guarantee yourself an afterlife,just not in the conventional sense.

think twice before you jump the gun

Jump the gun? :rolleyes: I didn't jump the gun.

You misuse the term afterlife, and talk nonsense, imo.

castie

I have the exact same feelings as you do. What helps me is thinking of all the people that are close to me at this very moment and how much i care for them and them for me. I dont know how but this sense of warmth helps my mind get over the thought and aids me getting to sleep. I went on a phase for over a year where i wouldnt go to bed until i was unable to stay awake for fear that i would be just lying in bed panicing. Hope my advice can help you.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone, there have been a lot of good suggestions of how to deal with this, some of which I'm definitely going to take onboard. In fact since posting this thread I've managed to avoid these feelings entirely. I've thought about dying and the reality of it but it hasn't affected me in the same way as it had been before. That doesn't necessarily mean I won't have those thoughts again but it's been great to have a few nights without them.

I think it helps just to know that other people feel the same way sometimes, and have found ways to deal with it. As was pointed out above it's not something that most of us would ever discuss with our loved ones so it's been good just to get these feelings out in the open and actually talk about it.

I think the main thing I need to learn is how to use these feelings in a positive way rather than letting them control me, as I have been.

LegacyUser

ramdom but relevant quote from some philosopher:

"You have nothing to fear from death, for where you are death is not, and where death is you are not"

l3LoWnA

Calibos wrote: »

The way I look at it is this. If there is no God and afterlife and I just cease to exist then I won't eh....exist to experience my non existence. If there is a God then hopefully he is the all loving and forgiving God and will forgive the heathen. The fact that I akm a good person should be enough. If he is the vain God described by most religions that requires adulation and prayer and I get sent to Hell because I was an atheist well then F*&k him. I'm glad I didn't believe in him. Send me to hell and do your worst you egotistical supernatural maniac!!

WOW - this is EXACTLY how I feel but I couldn't have possibly worded it so well!!

I am completely non-religious. I don't fear death. I fear missing out on parts of my loved ones lives or not being around to guide my daughter if death comes too soon and I fear the deaths of loved ones but not death itself or non-existance.

I feel OP should get a professional person to talk through what's going on it his life as it may be panic-attacks or anxiety caused by stress r something.

And it's not "stupid really" if it's bothering you!

aidan24326

The-Rigger wrote: »

(I may get slated here, but) I think it may be harder for those of us who don't believe in an afterlife, and believe in finality.
(which shouldn't be a reason to get faithful, though often is, some people seem to get more spiritual with age, I guess it's an in-built survival technique).

That one can work both ways. I don't believe in any afterlife, when your brain dies that's it, all over. On the one hand that makes being dead not at all scary as there is, literaly, nothing to be scared of. On the other hand it does give death a stone-wall finality, and I am pretty close to certain that's exactly what it will be, the end of my consciousness and the end of 'me'.

When asked why he did not fear death, Bertrand Russell said something to this effect: 'I was already dead for all those billions of years before I was born and it did not cause me the slightest inconvenience'.

So in fact believers in an afterlife really have more to be scared of really as the hypothetical afterlife they're going to venture into is unknown territory. For us atheists it will just be a big long sleep

LegacyUser

I remember when I first had thoughts like that. It took me about 4 years to get over it. I was sorta depressed for a while, but I got used to the idea. Now I don't really care. We are all just biological machines. We were all dead once - before we were born. So we know what it will be like! lol.

Besides, the world is a horrible place full of hate and injustice, so why would anyone want to stick around? I think being forced to endure eternal life would be torture.

SpAcEd OuT

aidan24326 wrote: »

That one can work both ways. I don't believe in any afterlife, when your brain dies that's it, all over. On the one hand that makes being dead not at all scary as there is, literaly, nothing to be scared of. On the other hand it does give death a stone-wall finality, and I am pretty close to certain that's exactly what it will be, the end of my consciousness and the end of 'me'.

True, but I still find it a scary thought.

great unwashed

I've been afflicted very similarly to the thread author. Last winter it was particularly bad (and I've had other spells in the past) and I wonder if it could be related to depression. I mean - panic attacks at night at the prospect of death...? and I'm not a child anymore, I'm not even in my twenties anymore :eek:. The finality, the personal extinction...brrr

This year it hasn't been so bad. I've stopped drinking to see if it changes anything and I've tried to get less stressful jobs, which has proven difficult. Sometimes I wonder if it's (nearly premonition) intuition/empathy at other people's deaths? When my friend's father died last Christmas, my own fear eased a bit. I'm not at all religious but I found the church ceremony comforting.

Sometimes thinking eases it, sometimes it doesn't. Like many other posters have said very intelligently before, death is actually very natural though you don't feel that way when you have the Terror and are paralysed with fear! Shakespeare said sleep was the little brother of death and I often think that sleep is biological practice for the last time you lose consciousness (and the idea of not waking up again...such terror) My avatar is actually Death as represented in the Sandman books. If Death is a pretty girl like that ...mmm. (Her brother is Morpheus 'The Lord of Dreams' in the writer's imagination.)

Maybe you're like me and get attached to animals, people, things. Maybe that has a lot to do with it - the inability to let go. Lately better thoughts are coming to me like, "everyone dies - you're in good company", and thoughts about consciousness itself - maybe it (consciousness) is a neutral feature of organisms and not attached to particular bodies - that maybe there is no such thing as a 'you' or a 'me' after all to house this consciouness - we're just meat, bodies, and consciousness resides in bodies for a while but consciousness itself is something universal and shared by any living organism - not the other way around. Who knows that 'awareness' may be so impersonal that what you call 'you' is only a part of or borrows temporarily from a larger thing. This is hindu and buddhist philosophy afaik but I've a feeling it may be a natural defence mechanism against the fear of death. I'll probably end up a hindu or buddhist and I have to admit, it will be out of fear if it comes true.

Someone else said they never had this conversation with their families and that it's the elephant in the corner. It must be so common - this fear and these morbid thoughts but we just don't talk about it. Then there was boards.:D It's very good to get it out.

Reku

SpAcEd OuT wrote: »

True, but I still find it a scary thought.

Just think of it as "well at least it can't get any worse", think of all the bad things in life and how you won't have to worry about them. As for the good things, well you won't exist so you won't miss them.
I really do think that the fear of death is more a fear of perceived failing to live up to your full potential, the fear that you could/should be doing more in some respect of your life, since once you are dead you can't amend this believed shortcoming.

great unwashed

farohar wrote: »

I really do think that the fear of death is more a fear of perceived failing to live up to your full potential, the fear that you could/should be doing more in some respect of your life, since once you are dead you can't amend this believed shortcoming.

I was going to include a thought like this last night with the long post but it was too long. This very thought is creeping up on me more and more - that the fear of death is a general fear of life and of failure...or not fulfilling something...

Esel

"All life death does end, and each day dies with sleep" - Gerard Manley Hopkins (a great poet, imo)

A good way to occupy your mind and get to sleep is to mentally count backwards from 1000. Try it.