Another Coming Out thread, with added unhappiness mom syndrome

mobileblog

Ok I’ve been out for about 8 years now to friends, and my brother. Over the past 8 years I’ve have been living outside my home town and in the UK. Only coming home for Easter and Christmas.

While having tea one night my mother was asking me questions about my friends I was out with the night before. They are all in relationships, which lead her to asking me “when was I going to find a women, if you keep going on the way your are, people are going to think your gay”. I told her I was, then washed my plate and left the kitchen.

As I walked out of the kitchen all I could think was, What the hell just happened there, this wasn’t how I planned it.
I went into my bedroom and just keep thinking about what I had just done. It was dreamlike, I couldn’t believe that I said it.
About 5 minutes later my mum comes into my room,
Were you joking, I said no. Are you beeping sick, whats going on in that head of yours. So you mean to tell me your one of those dirty bla bla… queers.

I knew she wouldn’t take it well, that’s one thing I was sure of, I remember a lot of people telling me I should come out. But I knew what problems would arise from it if I did, suddenly I was sitting there thinking so do I turn around and say I was only joking, some how to reverse the situation. Then I thought fu*k it, it’s now or never. I felt terrible inside, my head was all over the place. I zoned out while she ranted and raved about how disgusting my sexuality was. I’ll give you one more chance, Are you Gay, I stuck to my guns and said I’m sorry to upset you mum, but yes I’m gay.
Do you have a boyfriend. No. Well then how can you be Gay.  And 2wth that she informed me that she was cutting me out of the family and I only had 2 weeks to move out.

She left the room and went into my father, I could hear her say “did you hear what he just told me”. I had always thought they knew and never wanted to admit it. In saying this I guess it was no surprise to my father that mumbled “yeah” .

She came into my room 10 minutes later to confirm how mad she was and that she stood by everything she said to me. At the same time dropping in the famous line of “what will the neighbours think”, and your going to put me in the mental. I felt bad I knew how upset she was, but I thought time is a great healer so I went with that and hoped for the best.

Now that was about 5 weeks ago and in that short space of time, things hadn’t changed, I was living in Dublin during the week and coming home for the weekends. But now I’m back home for the foreseeable future. But for the last three weeks she’s been visiting her sick sister who just died the other day. During this period while she was away, she seemed fine on the phone and asked me if I got a good woman yet. I’d laugh and play it off.

But tonight, she asked me if I was going out, I said yeah later on, Well then get yourself a woman. The thought of you being a queer is making me sick and I’ll probably kill myself and I was left speechless. I said “thanks a lot for that mum”. and hung up the phone


I have spoken to my brother about how she felt about me coming out and he mentioned that she thought I was joking and was just trying to upset them. But he said it will time for her to come around. I’m now in the frame of mind, that she’ll never come around to it. She’s just one of them ole timers. On the other side of it, my father hasn’t said a word about it.
Because she’s been away for the past few weeks, living at home has been great, I just feel that when she comes back it’s going to get pretty bad. Her perception of gay people is awful, according to her we’re dirty twisted lazy good for nothings (or is that just me ).

Well does anyone have any views on how I should tackle this matter,

I understand that her sister just died so she is upset.

BuffyBot

Of course she's upset.

And stressed.

She's upset about whats happened with her sister, and the stress of that and she's now stressed about your coming out, and that "shattering" of the expectations she had for you, and about you.

Not your fault however.

It's a messy situation all round, and really time probably isn't right to tackle it head on right now.

Have you spoken to your dad? See how he feels about it all and see if he's willing to intervene.

At a later stage, you both will probably have to have a big conversation - she's probably got loads of fears and misconceptions which you're going to have to clear up for her. By the sound of current events, that's probably going to be a little down the line.

Annasopra

Dublin Gay Switchboard have a booklet that was produced for parents - It's a bit old and out of date but might be useful

you can find the text here

http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/ps_bklt_sectionOne.htm

If you ring them up they can post out a copy of the booklet in a standard brown envelope

Also - maybe you could ask some of the people in the parent support group to talk to your mother or your mother if she would talk to other parents in parent support?

Parents support is contactable through dublin gay switchboard

http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/ps_bklt_index.htm

Boston

Took my mother a year to come around, and with her it wasn't "get yourself a woman" It was "get yourself some religion".

Truth is she may never come around.

LegacyUser

I really feel sorry for people who have to deal with parents like the OPs. They have such narrow, closed and frankly backward minds that they should be utterly ashamed at themselves for cutting their own children off for something that is an intrinsic part of them. I forget sometimes how fortunate my own coming out to my father was and how well he took it.

I hope that your mother will accept it. You are who you are - it's her problem, not yours.

Mawg

God, I actually can't believe that people still have that perception of homosexuals. It's just so backward. Could you maybe sit her down, have a heart to heart with her and explain to her that this is who you are, and that you'd like if she could accept that? (if that's what you want)

I'm not "out" at home, but my mother has said to me on numerous occasions throughout my life "you know if you turn out to be a lesbian you can tell me, I won't mind at all, you're still my daughter... etc." I think deep down she's always known that about me too, because my younger sister didn't recieve the same treatment. I suppose I'm lucky that she's so good about it, considering she comes from a backward holy family.

You said yourself that she might have figured all along, so she must have tried to come to terms with it herself already. I suppose all you can do is try to bring her round.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Enceladus wrote:

I really feel sorry for people who have to deal with parents like the OPs. They have such narrow, closed and frankly backward minds that they should be utterly ashamed at themselves for cutting their own children off for something that is an intrinsic part of them. I forget sometimes how fortunate my own coming out to my father was and how well he took it.

I hope that your mother will accept it. You are who you are - it's her problem, not yours.

I'd say it's possible the mother doesn't believe in homosexuality. Just something disgusting people with a mental illness do.

She certainly doesn't like it, so she may also not want to believe that she could be the mother of a queer. She probably thinks that a nice girl could cure her son of his illness.

Is she the type of person who thinks she's right about everything?

Have you tried telling her it's nothing you have control over. Or that it's done by plenty of animals other than humans?

I know it's quite different but when I was younger I had my lip pierced which really upset my mum. She couldn't believe that she could raise someone who would do a disgusting thing like piercing their lip. She eventually came around. Ok she didn't have to deal with the same thing as your mum but hang in there.

mobileblog

Thanks guys for all the feed back, I’ll take it on board.
My mum will be returning home at the end of the week, so it will be interesting to see how things work out. With regards to a big talk, I understand that it will be the best way to help clear things up, but will take the most work. As you’s all know it’s hard to talk sense to people who just don’t want to hear.
I’d say I’m good in these situations but there is only so much crap I can put up with. So if she goes into a rant I’ll be backing down and leaving the situation. I’ve done this before and she gets the hint. (I’m thinking this is were the parental booklet would come in handy.)
I have a feeling that she may have mentioned it to her other sisters. The majority of them would be very opened minded, so I’ll try and find out if she mentioned anything to them.

At the end of this I would like acceptance, everyone would in the same situation. But at the moment it’s not my main goal. I would somehow like to change the way my mother thinks when it comes to the gay community and for her to realise her fears. It’s probably asking for too much but one can hope. After this, I believe everything else would fall into place.
If not I’ll have to wash her dirty mouth out with soak every weekend for the rest of my life.

One step at a time.

Boston

I must admitt, you've the right attitude to this and seem to be dealing very well. I doubt you'll change her opinion towards all gays, but maybe she'll invent a scenario in her head where you're the one exception to those views. Not uncommon.

Annasopra

any update?

mobileblog

The Update.

I can’t really say that there is much of an update.
What happened was my mother came home and has never spoken of it to me since then to be honest. I floated around with my mind in limbo for a while. I felt I was taking the easy way out, if she won’t mention it then I wont. But this stand-off doesn’t address the matter and I needed this issues all suited and booted for the winter months ahead.
I had asked my brother what was the general feeling with my mother. And she’s still sticking to her guns in terms of the points she mentioned on the above.

At the weekend she had asked me if I had found a woman from being out the night before. My sisters were in the room at the time (they still don’t know – I think) I just looked at my mother and went about my way. I didn’t want to bring anything up with her. I feel that my sisters should be told in a relaxed non-sided environment ( if that makes sense). I felt that there’s no point in me coming out with what I really wanted to say to my mother that morning as the sound of dropped tea cups shattering on the floor and clicks from dropped jaws coming from my wee sisters would have distracted me too much leading me to losing my train of thought.

So the next/final step is to inform my two younger sisters, then when a situation comes up where my mother asks me if I’ve meet any girls from the night before, I can calmly tell her no, I’ve already told you I’m not into that kinda thing. Then I’ll explain to her how I feel when she asks those questions and if there was anything she didn’t understand or wanted to talk about so things could be cleared up and we could get back to how things were before. (If this actually happens like this I’ll eat my own hat.).

I guess I’m looking at this like a game of skittles, setting them up hoping to knock them all down at once. But it’s all down to luck and timing.

So, to wrap it up for the mean time I guess my coming out process so far could be summed up in the words of Bertie - 'A lot done, more to do'

Boston

Its good that you have a positive and rational attitude towards this. Theres only so much planning you can do in this situation though, eventually you'll have to just let what ever is going to happen, happen.

JupiterKid

You are being very strong about all the hassle your mother is causing you. She really needs get with the programme and wake up to reality, not her "in denial" mode which she is obviously in.

Best of luck with your difficult coming out process. I really am disappointed to see that some parents in the year 2007 are still so small minded and backward.:mad:

Ekancone

Thats a bit sad about your mother. Mine was always saying that it is ok to be gay and it was ok if i was gay. The thing is i wasnt, i was just very shy and crap at pulling girls!

I am really impressed by the mature way you are handling this btw, so you should continue on the path you have treaded so far. Best of luck with it!

anxie

hi mobileblog.

sorry if this is a bit confrontational, but no one else is saying this to you.
I don't fully agree with Daithi about how well you're handling this...
I am no expert, I am not gay and this is a bit soap boxish, but I am only trying to help...

Change is hard, it's hard to handle when you're dishing it out and it's hard to handle when it's dropped on you.
One simple way of trying to understand another person's feelings in any relationship is by reversing the roles.
For example, if your Mother announced tomorrow that she was converting to Islam and expected your understanding how would you react?
Especially if you don'tlike Islam and have heard worrying things about it..
No doubt you would be wondering,
- where the hell is has that come from?
She might say
- I thought you all would've guessed that by now, I've always wanted to convert, didn't you read the signs? Oh, and by the way I'm leaving your Father....

I know I am being simplistic about this, but I think that you are missing two important points
1. How your Mother feels.
2. How you handled telling her the news and are handling things now.

As I said above, I am not gay, but I have had a lifetime of family "issues"
I was presumed to be on drugs and gay and all sorts of other stuff that was equally way off the mark.
I saw it as my responsibility to deal with them in an up front manner, even if my parents had retarded outmoded reactions like your Mother seems to rely on (no offence meant, but she does need a bucket of cold water over the head).
I was willing to discuss things with my parents, but my parents and family weren't, and there my plan to "fix" everything fell apart.
I left home and abandoned almost all ties, which was very hard for me, but sitting around in the type of smouldering hostility and no discussion zone that you sound like you're living in was not good enough for me.
However, many years later as we all got older and varioud grandkids start to break the ice, I strongly believe that my siblings are still suffering both emotionally and through their relationships from living in a bad parent behaviour zone throughout their childhood. My Mother even accepts that while it was not a case of me right-them wrong, that they handled it badly and that I had the right intentions all along.
I know that your situation is not what mine was, but In short what I am saying is that I don't think that you are handling the situation properly and expecting parents to wise up and come around is not a great bet to be sitting on.
You may have to accept that she may never be comfortable with your sexuality and you haven't even spoken to your Dad yet!!
Waiting for your Mother to come around is folly, you need to do something.
In fairness she is acting aggressively and from a misguided place, but what are you doing to counteract that?
I don't know what you should do, but I suggest that you do something, here's some random options

1. Meet fire with Fire
Stand up and shout back at your Mother, turn her words back on her.
- If I am disgusting, what does that make you as a Mother to react to your own son like this?

2. Try to be rational
Sit down and discuss what's happening (does sound like she's open to this!)

3. Be 101% accepting of her reaction
Walk out and tell her you're off and you've accepted her threat of kicking you out of the family. Bye Mom. thanks for not trying to understand!

4, Be supportive and understanding like she should have been...
Write her a letter explaining that you need her understanding, and that you want to understand her, but let her know that this is about YOU and not about HER

5. Proxy
Approach her via someone else, your brother sounds like a good bet

Anyway, best of luck, I hope you do something to help her move forward.
By the way from personal experience, others in the house will start to get dragged into the hostilities the longer you sit on the sidelines hoping she'll come 'round....

Anyway, the reason I have come here in the first place....
I have a friend who 'thinks he is gay' I thought he was gay when I first met him a number of years ago,
His problem is that he is very inexperienced in straight or gay relationships and is in his 30's and we don't know who to trust to advise him about the next step.... any advice?
By the way mobileblog neither of his parents had "any idea" he was gay when he told them, even though it is an assumption that I and a number of casual acquaintances immediately thought when we met him.....

Goldenquick

When you're talking to your mother, I would tell her that you were born a gay person, that it is not a lifestyle choice.

My daughter told me her sexual feelings started when she was in school but she didn't do anything about it then. She said she knew she was gay from her teens. She also said it wasn't her choice to be gay, that she had tried not to be, she went out with boys but was never attracted to them.

Let your mother know this, but don't push her. When she gets the realisation into her head that we do not choose who we are, that God makes us what we are and that He wants us to be whatever we are, she may come accept it. I;m not saying she will though, if she dosen't accept you for what you are, carry on with your life. You don't have to fall out with her over it. There are still a lot of people in this country who live by 'what the neighbours will think', especially if you come from a small town.

Myself, I think it's very cosmopolitan, (that's a kinda old word lol) but I feel it makes us stand out more in our community. We live in a small town, I was never ashamed of my daughter. I was scared that she would do something to herself as she was worried about how our relatives would take it and worried about the Catholic church's perception of gay people. I told her she was still the same person that she was 5 mins previously, that if the church didn't accept her to remember that we have more made rules in the church now than actually came down from the Apostles. I actually wrote to Pope John Paul but he was very sick at the time. I asked that the Vatican look into homosexuality and see that people that are gay are God's children too and not to turn their back on them. I never did get an answer, maybe I'll write again one of these days though lol.

Be yourself, be happy and proud of who you are, live your life to the full and above all, do not deny who you are, because if you do, you're not really living, you're just existing as a shell of who you truly are. Don't worry about your little sisters, they'll stand up for you, kids nowadays are very open minded.

Don't blame your mother though on her attitude, she was brought up in a different era, I was also but I'm just more a live and let live kind of person, she can't help the way she is either.

Good luck .

akaspike

Ok Guys i've come out the other side but lost my user name in the hack.
BTW if your coming our and are in fear, there will always be a brighter side.
Anyhoo 2007 how has things changed, well they haven't ( not taking work into it )I've just/we've just gotten 3 years older. Irish mothers stick to their guns. I live my life and occasionally i get to pop a joke to make them cringe. Mum still clings onto hope, but we don't pass that basket around much and dad is fine as long as one doesn't sleep over in his house.
We keep to levels to get by. If they pipe up about old secondary school/girlfriends that could of been - i pipe up about recent boyfriends and it shuts them up. I'm fine with this, but someday when i meet the right guy, i'm not sure how they will take it. he better be able to fish or get along with the golden girls.


Time does heal.

scientific1982

akaspike wrote: »

Ok Guys i've come out the other side but lost my user name in the hack.
BTW if your coming our and are in fear, there will always be a brighter side.
Anyhoo 2007 how has things changed, well they haven't ( not taking work into it )I've just/we've just gotten 3 years older. Irish mothers stick to their guns. I live my life and occasionally i get to pop a joke to make them cringe. Mum still clings onto hope, but we don't pass that basket around much and dad is fine as long as one doesn't sleep over in his house.
We keep to levels to get by. If they pipe up about old secondary school/girlfriends that could of been - i pipe up about recent boyfriends and it shuts them up. I'm fine with this, but someday when i meet the right guy, i'm not sure how they will take it. he better be able to fish or get along with the golden girls.


Time does heal.

You're a strong man with a lot of patience and also a lot of love for your family. I dont think I could put up with that, even from my family.

Aard

Thanks for the update. It puts things into perspective regarding how bad my parents could have reacted in the long-term.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the update. I recently came out to my parents a few weeks and they aren't good. Complete devastation.

Can only hope that things improve in the future. They'll never accept it but I only hope they can get back to some kind of normality and that the crying stops.

akaspike

Tab07ie.
It will take them time to get over the initial shock. Let them try and deal with it. But if they question any detail of it, stay relaxed and try to inform them as much as possible. If your relaxed they may mirror this and you’ll be able to open up more as time moves on and this might possibly result in a stronger bond. Understand that everyone is different and sometimes things just don’t always work out the way you may have planned.

I think the main thing to remember here is that although your parents are upset, try to stay focused and don’t let this effect you too much. Surround yourself with close friends, so you can talk and get reassurance but most of all have a good laugh about it all. Don't forget your the one that needs to stay in control.

LegacyUser

AKASPIKE

Thanks alot for the advice, it does help when you hear people being supportive.

It's coming up on the 4 week mark now since telling them and it feels like things are getting kinda worse rather than better. They keep asking me if I'm on my own, which I am not and have no intentions of changing either but to give themselves some rest bite from it i've told them that I am. I know that's going to be an issue again but i'd rather have them focus on the fact that I'm gay and let them get their heads around that first and foremost.

They dont want me to go out with anyone, which is really hurtful. Why should I not be allowed to have anyone, my own parents want me to live by myself forever? It's really hurting me that they'd rather sacrifice my happiness for their own benefit and to prevent the neighbours from talking. But I've come through the embarrasment and shame out the other side to a place where I'm comfortable with my sexuality and i feel fine about people knowing.

They'll never be happy about it and I don't expect ever to be happy about it but in all honestly i did have small flicker of hope that they might have said 'OK, we're not happy but it's Ok.'

It's not to be so I have to let them ride out the situation. There's nothing more I can do to help them except assure them that I'm fine.

jamijary

Hi all,

I came out a few years ago, (I told this here before I think!) I presumed I was doing the right thing. I was tired of living a lie and actually thought that they had guessed. The straw that broke the camels back for me was when I was offloading some duplicate cds one of which was a brian kennedy one and my 8 yr old niece turned to me said oh I don't want that (& I know you'd expect to say I don't like that music) he's gay!

So made the annoucement to my 2 sisters and my mother - disgust fury etc. my mother told me not to darken the door again and she'd burn the sheets off my bed. that was 2004 and I haven't!

Annasopra

jamijary wrote: »

Hi all,

I came out a few years ago, (I told this here before I think!) I presumed I was doing the right thing. I was tired of living a lie and actually thought that they had guessed. The straw that broke the camels back for me was when I was offloading some duplicate cds one of which was a brian kennedy one and my 8 yr old niece turned to me said oh I don't want that (& I know you'd expect to say I don't like that music) he's gay!

So made the annoucement to my 2 sisters and my mother - disgust fury etc. my mother told me not to darken the door again and she'd burn the sheets off my bed. that was 2004 and I haven't!

You haven't seen your family since?

jamijary

Johnnymcg wrote: »

You haven't seen your family since?

No I haven't my brother contacts me occassionaly but as he works on the family farm I don't think he feels free to fully contact me! Sounds like something from the dark ages but you learn to get on with life!

Aard

jamijary wrote: »

Sounds like something from the dark ages...

It certainly does! It shocks me that there exist such people in this day and age. Has your mother ever attempted to extend an olive branch? You mention the family farm - I doubt "traditional" country values help that much .

Beruthiel

Aard wrote: »

It shocks me that there exist such people in this day and age.

Me too.
I know jamijary did not say the age of his parents, but I was guessing 50 or under.
I cannot believe there has been no progression there.
70+ I would see them still narrow minded. But less than 50, I'm very disappointed.
I can never get my head around a parent who tells their child to never darken their door again.
I know it happens, it just doesn't compute with me.

Chorcai

Christ when I read the horror stories here, I am really blessed.

His/My folks are all cool, both have met, both have went on shopping trips/golfing/holidays. Sisters & Brothers & their kids on both sides are all cool about it.

My mother was all woe is me what I have I done wrong, I said ehh sure you got one of everything now, daughter,son,fag :P She soon snapped out of it.

The father (big,butch trucker) was... sure thats your business... stick the kettle on there will ya. I was expecting the whole get out of my sight saga, that was nearly 11yrs ago.

We have both been away on hoildays with the folks, xmass in Spain with mine, summer time with his.

It was funny for the first few years, we used to sleep in seperate rooms if we went to my folks house or his, thats all changed now, strange how something like that can effect the way you feel. To me it means the world, forget about flash hoildays etc etc something like sharing the same bed with your OH in your/his parents house means a lot more to me.

I couldn't give two flyin fúcks what the inlaws think, the people that matter know and are happy.

Give it time things may or may not change, at the end of the day sure its your own business... stick the kettle on.

jamijary

It sometimes shocks me when I hear gay advocates say lets have a referendum on gay marriage it'll pass Ireland has changed. I firmly believe that any such referendum would fail especially in rural Ireland! Lets face it where ever this was put to the people as far as I am aware it has not passed so hardly likely in Ireland!

LegacyUser

Chorcai wrote: »

Christ when I read the horror stories here, I am really blessed.

His/My folks are all cool, both have met, both have went on shopping trips/golfing/holidays. Sisters & Brothers & their kids on both sides are all cool about it.

My mother was all woe is me what I have I done wrong, I said ehh sure you got one of everything now, daughter,son,fag :P She soon snapped out of it.

The father (big,butch trucker) was... sure thats your business... stick the kettle on there will ya. I was expecting the whole get out of my sight saga, that was nearly 11yrs ago.

We have both been away on hoildays with the folks, xmass in Spain with mine, summer time with his.

It was funny for the first few years, we used to sleep in seperate rooms if we went to my folks house or his, thats all changed now, strange how something like that can effect the way you feel. To me it means the world, forget about flash hoildays etc etc something like sharing the same bed with your OH in your/his parents house means a lot more to me.

I couldn't give two flyin fúcks what the inlaws think, the people that matter know and are happy.

Give it time things may or may not change, at the end of the day sure its your own business... stick the kettle on.

You are so lucky, I'd absolutely love if my parents could accept it or even handle it a bit better.

But for them to want me to stay by myself forever is so selfish of them. I hope they come to realize that eventually.

LegacyUser

Ahhhhhhhh!!!

Really wish I never told them :-(

Mam is no better. Crying all the time, I don't know what I can do to help her.

I'm so sorry for putting them through this.

Annasopra

TAB07ie wrote: »

Ahhhhhhhh!!!

Really wish I never told them :-(

Mam is no better. Crying all the time, I don't know what I can do to help her.

I'm so sorry for putting them through this.

Put your parents in contact with LOOK - http://www.lovingouroutkids.org/contact.html

Beruthiel

TAB07ie wrote: »

Mam is no better. Crying all the time, I don't know what I can do to help her.

I'm so sorry for putting them through this.

Try to remember, you did not put your parents through this, they did it themselves.
If your mother was more open minded, she wouldn't be so upset. You're her son, alive and healthy. She should be glad for that, not laying a guilt trip on you.

akaspike

TAB07ie wrote: »

Ahhhhhhhh!!!

Really wish I never told them :-(

Mam is no better. Crying all the time, I don't know what I can do to help her.

I'm so sorry for putting them through this.

TAB07ie (i’m writing this a bit drunk so what ever i say, judge it soberly if your going to use it)
First off - You mentioned that you are with someone, I think you should inform them of this ( your parents i mean). It may help ease their mind. Look at where they/ were coming from.
They could really fear that you’ll be lost and lonely forever because no one else is gay - or are they .
Remember we have it easier now than our brothers and sisters had it before, those were the one that spurted up around our parents era when the hate was in full effect. Fear implanted, and they moved onto the Aids epidemic, nothing but fear. You may never break down the wall, but you can chip away and soon it will crumble with time with education.
I’m guessing your parents are strong catholics? Do they know anyone divorced. It’s not the same but it shows that life is not always set in stone. Things change. Like their idea of you (being gay), and alot of members here, we all don't live in cities, these things happen all over closed ireland but there are not openly accepted.
We live behind closed doors, and i’m guessing your not a screaming queen, so sit back and relax. Try and live your life the best way possible, try and stay away from hard drugs to cope with fear or rejection, If your down come on here or contact support lines, don't fall into the hole. Create things that make you smile and laugh even if its Jimmy Somervilles -Smalltownboy while you walk through your village. Trust me it’s a blast. Hold your feeling tight and expel your feelings unto your trusted close friends and laugh about the misery- its the only way.

Plus try and keep a diary, and make up ****ty poetry
you’ll look back and laugh and it will create a memory of where you are in life.

All i can say now is

You mother has love - its your father
Why can't you enjoy what she has.
Love your man,
But more importantly enjoy your life.

But we know it’s not that easy. But it’s life and we deal with it.
Head up and smile, it will do wonders, no matter what your parents will always love you deep down inside, even if they dont show show it. Be good to yourself and all will fall into place.
Good luck on the voyage

akaspike

It's the small things in life - I cope with music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sj5_WITMpA

LegacyUser

akaspike wrote: »

TAB07ie (i’m writing this a bit drunk so what ever i say, judge it soberly if your going to use it)
First off - You mentioned that you are with someone, I think you should inform them of this ( your parents i mean). It may help ease their mind. Look at where they/ were coming from.
They could really fear that you’ll be lost and lonely forever because no one else is gay - or are they .
Remember we have it easier now than our brothers and sisters had it before, those were the one that spurted up around our parents era when the hate was in full effect. Fear implanted, and they moved onto the Aids epidemic, nothing but fear. You may never break down the wall, but you can chip away and soon it will crumble with time with education.
I’m guessing your parents are strong catholics? Do they know anyone divorced. It’s not the same but it shows that life is not always set in stone. Things change. Like their idea of you (being gay), and alot of members here, we all don't live in cities, these things happen all over closed ireland but there are not openly accepted.
We live behind closed doors, and i’m guessing your not a screaming queen, so sit back and relax. Try and live your life the best way possible, try and stay away from hard drugs to cope with fear or rejection, If your down come on here or contact support lines, don't fall into the hole. Create things that make you smile and laugh even if its Jimmy Somervilles -Smalltownboy while you walk through your village. Trust me it’s a blast. Hold your feeling tight and expel your feelings unto your trusted close friends and laugh about the misery- its the only way.

Plus try and keep a diary, and make up ****ty poetry
you’ll look back and laugh and it will create a memory of where you are in life.

All i can say now is

You mother has love - its your father
Why can't you enjoy what she has.
Love your man,
But more importantly enjoy your life.

But we know it’s not that easy. But it’s life and we deal with it.
Head up and smile, it will do wonders, no matter what your parents will always love you deep down inside, even if they dont show show it. Be good to yourself and all will fall into place.
Good luck on the voyage

Hi akaspike,

Thanks for the kind words, you have a talent right there!

Yep, totally in love with my man, and I told my parents I'm with him. Alas, they do not accept this but I've to get on with my life and deal with the misery whenever I go home.

Hopefully things will get better eventually.

Thanks again for your advice and thoughtfulness, I really appreciate the support. :-)

WhosUpDocs

TAB07ie wrote: »

Yep, totally in love with my man, and I told my parents I'm with him. Alas, they do not accept this but I've to get on with my life and deal with the misery whenever I go home.

Hang onto that then. You're lucky to have someone with you at a time like this!
Try and put them in contact with some of the groups linked earlier. If that doesn't work just get on with things as normally as you can! If they have any sense they'll come around! Love shouldn't be conditional. You're their son no matter what, that's genetics.

I genuinely hope things turn out ok for you! It's stories like this that make me question how far we actually have come and make me realise just how lucky I've been with my family situation.