How do I get them to stop celebrating?

LegacyUser

I've just finished the leaving cert and it appears that I won't be getting the course I wanted. However, I still did "very well" according to my parents. Now admittedly, the results are very good (got 570 points) but because they're almost completely useless for what I actually want to do I just want to forget about it and go cry until it's all over (this part of the plan is made slightly worse by the fact that I'm male). But my parents seem determined to celebrate this. They're calling everyone and telling them how brilliantly I did etc. I understand why they're doing it but my repeated calls to stop are not being listened to.
I feel completely hollow, very angry with myself (I could have done so much more work) and just completely disappointed with the results. I want to just brush it out of the way and sleep until I manage to find some way of dealing with this.
How do I get them to realise that there's nothing to celebrate and the quicker we all forget about this, the better?

Victor

While they might be over-reacting, you might also. Its quite possible you will still get what you want (what is it). There are also other options (repeat, different college, etc.)

carnival_joe

570? thats brill! what course is it?

PeakOutput

im going to make a quick assumption and assume you want to do medicine or law

1) you can now do a degree and apply to medicine as a graduate

2) you can do business and law or any one of the other lower point courses that will lead you to the same career in law in the same amount of time.

now besides all that regardless of what you want to do. you did very well you should be extremely happy you may not get to start out on the particular path you want immedietely but this matters little im 21 and only getting started and there are alot of people on here in there 30's who are only getting started.

you can take a year out and apply on the cao next year and have your pick of the subjects. you can repeat the leaving if you really want to(i think it would be a waste but if you can really only see yourself in that one particular course and you want it that badly then whats another year?)

and finally i agree with victor you are over reacting you shouldnt even be worrying about the offers until monday if/when you dont get offered. today was about your leaving cert and you did exceptionally well

Miss Fluff

You did extremely well and I am sure your parents are extremely proud so don't deny them a little bit of glee at your success. 570 demonstrates hard slog and commitment so well done you. I fully advocate taking the scenic route, it enriches you as a human being. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. What course it is OP? I presume medicine or actuary? You can always apply to the UK next year and take a year out to travel etc. Alternatively, you could take another course and enjoy it and then see what you would like to do OP. Stop being down on yourself, get some perspective on the situation and go and take a holiday with the lads if possible.

Marksie

I am going to put a slightkly different spin on this.

OK you feel disappointed you didn't achieve what you hoped to, it can be repeated if necessary and you are young, the life isn't mapped out rigidly for you.

I have seen situations where parents have been demanding their kids overachieve. I have seen the damage caused when the parents demand their child gets 1sts in everything and the pressure that the child is under.
The fact that your parents are delighted with what you achieved I take to be a good sign from that aspect.

I thikn you have put yourself under too much pressure here.

It is a very good achievment though you may not think so at the moment. Have you set your heart on a particular course? There are many approaches to doing things in life, some are more thinking out of the box to get where you want to go. Also as you grow and develop your ideas of what you want to do change.
Nothing is written in stone and i belive your parents attitude is indicative of people who will give you all the support you need to do whatever you want in life

Red Alert

Your parents are excited because 570 points is no mean achievement. Relax and enjoy your success, and college will fall into place.

txt_mess

If your disappointed thats fair enough it's always tough when you aim for something and come close but just not the full 100%.

I think you'll have to stop looking at the negative side of things enjoy the fact that you have a break for a while to sort things out. You have loads of option even if you can't get into the course you want first go. There are things you can do repeat / year off / applying to another course and transfer.

After being through it myself a couple of years ago you learn quickly that points school and college are no the be all and end all there is always other ways to get to the place / job you want might require a bit more effort then the direct route but there is always a way.

tinkerbell

Hey OP

I was exactly in your shoes when I did my leaving so I know how it feels. I did very well but I was 5 points short of the course I wanted to do. I just started bawling when I saw my results and got the whole "but you did so well" talk. But it doesn't matter when you don't get the course you want, does it! I just told my parents that I didn't want them celebrating for something that I wasn't celebrating and I wouldn't accept any phonecalls at all that day. I just didn't wanna know, I was totally devastated.

In the end I got the papers rechecked and went up the 5 points to get the course I wanted, so I suggest you do the same. You could easily go up the few points that you need. If that fails, then there is the option of doing another course and doing the course you want after that but that just lengthens the process. Or you could repeat the leaving. I know a few people who got the points you got but repeated to try to go up 10 points.

Again I know there is no point whatsoever in people telling you that you did so well because at the end of the day if you're upset about it and you didn't get enough for the course, then nobody is gonna tell you otherwise. So just sit your parents down and tell them to give it a rest, and hopefully they will respect your feelings.

constellation

I got far less points than you OP. I remember the day I went to pick up my results. I was lazy and was not expecting to do well.

Went to the headmaster who opened my envelope for me (lovely bloke that he was...) and said "disappointing result". He told me to go the career guidance teacher.

Went to the career guidance teacher, she calculated my points and asked me what I courses I applied via the CAO. Told her, she looked up the points and said "doesn't look likely".

Met the caretaker on the way out. He told me that although it seems important now, it wasn't.

I recently applied for a lecturing job. The form asked for my leaving cert results. I put them down on the form (I had to look it up). I also mentioned on the form the fact that I have a Ph.D.

The caretaker was right. It may seem important now but ten years from now, those points will not matter. If you are that determined, you will achieve what you want.

Dukephil

I suspect that Actuary is the course that you want to do. Regardless, here's my story. I did the leaving (a long time ago!) and got 550. The course I wanted to do was 20 points below this, so I was set, until the course which I wanted to do went up by 20 points and I missed it on random selection.

Far from celebrating my results and telling the world, my parents were almost more disappointed. The course I had just missed was one of the professions and my second choice was not. I contrasted this with a friend of mine who barely passed and whose parents shouted it from the rooftops.

The leaving is not just yours, your parents have a stake in it too. They see a good result as the culmination of the sacrifices that they have made. What constitutes goodness in a result varies wildly depending on their expectations.

It really doesn't matter what course you missed. There will be a back door in, or a front door. Most people change careers at least twice nowadays. My message is NIL DESPERANDUM (Never despair)

joe_chicken

Repeat.

Get a job for the year, maybe do a little bit of traveling.

Come back and ace your exams in the Summer.

Honestly, if it's effecting you as much as you say it is, you need to relax, 570 is an amazing score. You are obviously well capable of doing (and excelling in) whatever it is you want to do.

Take that positive from them and move on.

If that involves repeating the year to get into the course you want, so be it. Or alternatively, if it involves doing a course you weren't sure you wanted to do, but still acing it, you might find yourself thanking your lucky stars you got 570.

Just relax and celebrate the fact that 570 is an amazing score and about 99.9% of the population wish they did as well as you.

IANAL (hullaballoo's test a/c)

If you put down medicine or vet on your CAO, you should expect the worst. It's as simple as that. However, the first round offers aren't even out yet, so I don't know what has you so sure you won't get your course.

I got my first choice on the 3rd round, and there were plenty of others in my year who got it in the 4th round.

For your information, the CAO points statistics you read in the national press aren't exactly 100% accurate. The points requirement for my course in my year was said to be 510*. However, I only got 500, and a few others got 495. That's quite the gap.

Incidentally, it's quite selfish of you not to allow your parents their moment of glory here. They raised you and are more than entitled to be as proud as they like of you. Maybe you could reflect on whether you're throwing your toys out of your pram because you didn't get what you wanted.

Saying, "it's almost completely useless for what I want to do" is also a complete fallacy. You can do science (what is it, 200 points?) and do a side-step into vet/med. You could also do another degree (e.g. law) and then go into medicine later if it's what you really want to do.

Sorry if this is curt, but I got pretty annoyed when I read your post, OP.

ShowUsYourXbox

Oh no, i got 570 and the world is at my feet.

Get a grip, you might be a few points short of the exact course you want, but there are other ways of getting there.

For a start, you could appeal some exams? try squeeze a few points out of that.

chuckles30

OP - have you tried calling one of the helplines that have been set up? You will get some impartial advice there and they will be able to help you find a way through this. Also, try and talk to one of your family and ask them to tone down the celebrations as you don't feel like celebrating.

doubtfir3

You remind me of a friend of mine who did his leaving cert in 1998...

He missed his course by 10 pts or something, and repeated his leaving cert I think 2/3 times after this just to get the course. He started, and hated the course.. so left and is now doing something different.

Essentially, as mentioned by another poster you will realise after a few more years that the Leaving Cert really doesn't matter in the greater scheme of things.

You put in a lot of work, and got on superbly - congratulations. The course you want may or may not be available to you once the offers come out, and you'll move on. There are lots of ways of getting to do what you want, some take a little longer or you may have to take a slightly different or unconventional route but you'll get there one way or another.

Keep the head up and be proud of your achievement.

Electric

constellation wrote:

I got far less points than you OP. I remember the day I went to pick up my results. I was lazy and was not expecting to do well.

Went to the headmaster who opened my envelope for me (lovely bloke that he was...) and said "disappointing result". He told me to go the career guidance teacher.

Went to the career guidance teacher, she calculated my points and asked me what I courses I applied via the CAO. Told her, she looked up the points and said "doesn't look likely".

Met the caretaker on the way out. He told me that although it seems important now, it wasn't.

I recently applied for a lecturing job. The form asked for my leaving cert results. I put them down on the form (I had to look it up). I also mentioned on the form the fact that I have a Ph.D.

The caretaker was right. It may seem important now but ten years from now, those points will not matter. If you are that determined, you will achieve what you want.

Constellation is right!

The leaving cert is not the end of the world. And you got 570 which is alot more than most people got so stop feeling sorry for yourself the offers aren't even out yet!!!!

Personally I didn't work too hard for my leaving cert everyone kept telling me that it was the be all and end all of my life (which is such bs!)

I spoke to the career guidance who told me that I was never going to do law cos I hadn't enough points and the universities were the only place that did law. Such utter crap on her part! Went to an IT did law and business loved every minute of it and worked my ass off harder than I ever did!

Not too toot my own horn but I am a lot more successful than the people that I went to school with who got 500+

So you may not get what you want. Have you ever considered what would happen if it turned out that you didn't like the course that you wanted?

My advice would be that if you don't get the course then go work in that area for a year find out if it's really what you want. You may just find that it's not.

Oh and spare a thought for the others out there who are a lot more unfortunate than you! Some people will have discovered by now that they failed Irish or Maths or English and things will be a lot more difficult for them!!!

LegacyUser

'Hear me now, brother: There is ALWAYS a back door into whatever you want to study. ALWAYS. It might take a year or two longer, but it beats the bejasis out of repeating!

ALWAYS a back door dude... always. I did it ;-)'

MrPillowTalk

Stop being such a spoiled brat.

The leaving cert is so overhyped when your in school its ridiculous, in a couple of years time you will look back and really wonder what the hell all the fuss was about. With 570 points the very worst scenario will be either having to go to England to do the course or go in through a backdoor route here.

Dont repeat, repeating would be a waste of your time all the work in the world wont guarantee you a better score than 570.

College is a different world anyway. I got the highest points out of all my mates and got the course I wanted then I absolutely hated college and couldnt wait to graduate, despite being in a course I wanted. I actually gained a further degree at nights when I started working later. Im now in business and am yet to ever be asked for my leaving cert results or my college qualifications, and Ive never asked anyone I deal with or employ for their qualifications either. The truth is that paper really means very little and your abillity, if you have it, will serve you much better than anything else in your locker.

Suck it up, life is going to throw you much harder shots than a 570 in the leaving, if you require a message board to sort this issue then I dread to think what you will be like faced with actual problems.

ceidefields

I was in the same situation when I did my Leaving. I really wanted to do Law but was a few points short. Went to college and did European Studies instead.

Realized after about four years that I would have been forced to top myself if I had become a lawyer! Not that a law degree is a bad thing to have under yer belt, but you get my drift. Also, if I had decided I really did want to do Law after finishing my degree, I could always have done a postgrad in Law. Ditto Medicine. Or Actuarial Studies or whatever damn thing you want to do.

Moral of the story is at the age of 17 or 18 you really don't know what's out there or what you want to do, no matter how much you think you know right now.

louisecm

Have you tried telling your parents how you feel? I think that is the best route to a solution to this set of woes.

Dudess

MrPillowTalk wrote:

Stop being such a spoiled brat.

Y'see, it's this comment and similar ones berating the OP that reflect how people are missing the point. It's as if the OP is complaining BECAUSE HE GOT 570 POINTS.
The OP's disappointment is due to the fact that he put in such work, got the superb score of 570 points, which one would think is enough for anything, and yet still didn't get the points score he was aiming for (I've done third-level and masters-level exams - nothing among those is as hard as the leaving. And as for getting 570 points - even a genius would have to work hard to achieve that).
That is indeed a sickener - to come so close, yet be so far away. It's like getting 68% in your degree - a great mark, only 2% away from a first, but nevertheless, not a first. You may as well get 62%, it's all the same.

This is only tiny in comparison, but still the same principle. In my junior cert I wanted to get an A in English and an A in Music. I was doing ordinary-level Science and I didn't care a jot about it - once I scraped a D I'd have been happy. It turned out I got an A in Science (wtf?!) and Bs in English and Music. Gutted. People were saying "but you got an A in science!" I didn't give a sh*t. That's not what I wanted my A in. I even asked some teachers if there could possibly have been a mistake and my grades were accidentally swapped around! They were baffled that I was disappointed with an A, but they were missing the point: I wasn't disappointed with the A alone, I was disappointed with what I got it in.

OP, do let us know what course you had in mind, and where. If it's Actuary, well you still have to be a trainee actuarist for several years once you graduate. You may get some exemptions from exams but I think it's only a tiny few. My cousin did electrical engineering and then became a trainee actuarist.
Follow Tinkerbell's advice and get the exams re-checked. Avoid repeating if you can - you've done your bit. Or take a year out and reapply to the CAO to do your desired course elsewhere, where it might require lower points.
Don't be so hard and unfair on yourself by saying you could have worked so much harder. I doubt that very much.
Finally, let your parents enjoy their moment. They're from a different generation and they don't see the bigger picture - all they know is their son got 570 out of 600 points and they can't hide how proud they are. Understandable. Tell yourself that too - 570 out of 600? F*cking 'ell!
And there is always the second-round CAO offer.
As others have said, the leaving isn't the be-all-and-end-all. It certainly isn't, but if a certain points score is what you need for your dream course, then it kind of is a huge deal - at the time. But yes, there are postgrad options available for which your leaving results don't mean anything as much as your undergrad. I would have needed 480 to do journalism in DCU. Got 430, did arts in UCC (closely related undergrad) and got the masters in journalism in DCU. Just as recognised as the undergrad (if not moreso, tbh). I know it doesn't work that way for everything, but there are always other options.
Try not to let the disappointment get to you too much. I know that's not easy but you probably couldn't have done any better. 600 points or points in the high 500s aren't just given away you know!

Best wishes with it.

fits

OP let your parents have their day's enjoyment.
Try postpone your disappointment until you know for sure it wasnt enough to get what you were aiming for...ie when the offers are made.
Really this will seem like nothing in a few years... There is always another way to achieve your goal...

Red Alert

I got an almost 1.1 but off by a couple of percent so I know how that feels too. But going back to the leaving cert, I did feel a bit like the OP as I did think I would do better in two subject which I really liked and had thought the papers went well on the day. I wanted an A1, not an A2 in maths, and thought I did badly in Physics. I did get an A1 in Irish which was a very pleasant surprise.

I got 555 for the record. It was really in the days after when the hangover passed over then that I realised that was a grand mark to get and to be proud of it as an achievement in itself - not just a passport to college. I wanted to do EE Engineering in UCD, and pretty much knew I'd get it because the points were quite low comparitively and I did well in maths. So had I got 500 or 600 it wouldn't have made a difference.

I failed the driving test a couple of times too, and to be honest it bugs me more than any academic failure I've had. Each one has been better than the previous one, so I'm guessing I might have the green slip in my hand next time. Pure perseverence goes a long way.

Your parents' attitude being one of celebration is probably down to a lot of things. Outside of academia, so much will change for you very soon. Although it's a bit cheesy to say it's true - the LC and all the baggage that goes with it marks the end of a chapter in your life. Celebrating the leaving cert is celebrating never being in school again (for some), maybe a first booze-filled holiday abroad with your classmates, celebrating the LC is celebrating the good times you had in school - with some people you will probably never see again. Anything over 500 points took a lot of work - celebrate the work you put in, and the fact someone looking at your results knows you aren't an eejit the minute he sees them. Celebrating the LC means throwing things like School Uniforms, Detention and Late Stamps into the dustbin.

It's impossible to celebrate/be happy if you don't want to. But the brain is great at mulling over things when left alone. So set the result paper aside, chill out and enjoy the next few days. Take a few extra hours at work if you've a job, go down to the pub with your mates or head off on a road trip. Go shopping, whatever floats your boat. Then sit down, reflect and take stock of everything.

Dudess

MrPillowTalk wrote:

Im now in business and am yet to ever be asked for my leaving cert results or my college qualifications, and Ive never asked anyone I deal with or employ for their qualifications either. The truth is that paper really means very little and your abillity, if you have it, will serve you much better than anything else in your locker.

That's not the point - the OP needs a certain amount of points for his course. The fact that employers won't be asking for his leaving cert results in ten years' time is irrelevant.

Suck it up, life is going to throw you much harder shots than a 570 in the leaving, if you require a message board to sort this issue then I dread to think what you will be like faced with actual problems.

That is so unfair. The lad's 17 or 18. To him, his leaving cert result is a disappointment. Problems are relative.

LegacyUser

That is indeed a sickener - to come so close, yet be so far away. It's like getting 68% in your degree - a great mark, only 2% away from a first, but nevertheless, not a first. You may as well get 62%, it's all the same.

I think he's being a spoiled brat as well. Yes its disappointing but hardly the end of the world even at 17. You don't need to tell me how annoying it is to be so close yet so far - I just about missed getting 3 A's at A Level, and recently got 68% in my degree, just like the scenario you described. Yes I was disappointed for about a day, annoyed that maybe a few more marks here and there and an hours more revision might have got me a First but that's life. There has to be a cutoff point somewhere, and I'm still happy with the fact I got 68%, a great mark. I'm not thinking 'god, I might as well have only got 60%.' Yeah I won't have every door opened for me but its a good enough result to do a lot of things, just like the OP's 570 points will get him into most courses. I look at it like, if I was good enough to get a First in my degree I would have got it, so whats the point in thinking 'if only'? Getting 570 points is still opening loads of doors that wouldn't be open if he had got 250 points. You have to learn to do your best and accept the results, and I say that as an extreme perfectionist.

I know how hyped up the Leaving is, but if this is OPs biggest concern he should count himself lucky. For example, I've been in bad health for a while and still am nervously waiting for test results and going to drs appointments all the time - compared to those concerns my degree result paled into insignificance. A first would have been nice but I have much more to worry about at the moment. A friend of mine had to deal with her mum dying during final year of college. OP should be happy he did so well, stop wishing he did better and see what he can actually do with the points he did get, be glad for all that is going well in his life instead of focusing on the fact he didnt get 600 points. It's not going to change anything.

And OP, be grateful your parents are happy for you and not annoyed you didnt do better. I don't mean to be harsh but if this is a major problem for you, your parents celebrating your great result, I dread to think how you're going to deal with serious issues.

star-pants

Hey OP -- I understand you,
I recall when I got my results - I failed Higher level maths... that's all i saw when i saw my paper and I cried the whole day because I felt my whole future had fallen apart... I was automatically rejected from 3 out of my 4 chosen degrees (I'd only picked 4 degrees --nothing else--on my CAO).
And ppl were all celebrating and my parents were happy with my points, but I was in bits.

BUT turned out I got my course a different route... and I did it!
Some people above have given you details on how to get into the course of your choice, there are ways around it, it's not black and white regarding College -- you'll find a way that's meant for you. So don't be too upset, try and see the other side, that you did do VERY VERY well, you should be proud of that in it's own right, you deserve that. If it upsets your immediate college plans -- don't over stress -- you'll find a way to get what you want.
Take some time to relax a little -- you deserve a break after all the pressure. And then look at your options, they're not as bad as you think.

Dudess

IzzyW wrote:

just like the OP's 570 points will get him into most courses.

But if he applied for a set course and he doesn't get it, then being able to get into most courses isn't much good to him. That's the way the CAO system works - you have to put down certain courses on your form before February 1st. Your points score isn't a free-for-all for any course you fancy. Presumably he put down some back-up options but nevertheless, he had his heart set on the first one.

if this is OPs biggest concern he should count himself lucky. For example, I've been in bad health for a while and still am nervously waiting for test results and going to drs appointments all the time - compared to those concerns my degree result paled into insignificance. A first would have been nice but I have much more to worry about at the moment. A friend of mine had to deal with her mum dying during final year of college.

Izzy, I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time and I really hope the test results come back negative and that you make a full recovery. That must be awfully worrying for you.
The thing is though, the OP isn't facing something like this so while his worries are trivial (and they are in the greater scheme of things) they are still a big deal to him right now. If something more serious, God forbid, did come along, then of course he'd have the leaving cert thing forgotten in a flash, but right now there isn't anything else distracting from it. So it's a bit unfair to tell him that he has it easy.
However, I accept he cannot wallow in it. And you're right - regretting and thinking "what if" over and over is only useful if you have access to a time machine. So OP, don't dwell on it and get cracking on doing something about it.

Once again Izzy, I really hope you get better soon.

lucernarian

Jesus christ, you'd think he was trying to get into college on the back of someone else!! Some people don't know the word "spoiled" if some drunk kid out of the Wesley slapped one in the face.

Each point is his, and probably hard fought if he got 570. He can do with his results what he likes, including not celebrating them. He's every right to be selfish IMO, his parents should not make him out to be some sort of trophy for their own good job.


Anyway, there's 6 posts so far which actually address the OP's problem. The poor guy's all over the place, whether he should be or not. If it helps, I think that talking to your parents quietly about how you feel may still help. If there's any other family about the place, talk to them about how you feel, and mabye they'll even talk to your parents. It might be a good idea to meet a friend or two for a while, to get away from the parents. And the helplines mentioned would be good to check out.

PeakOutput

people saying hes being a brat or spoiled or whatever are insensitive eejits.

the leaving cert and getting into college has been the biggest thing in his life for the last two years and although he did great in it he did not get what he wanted he is entitled to be dissapointed

sure he can get into most courses but why would he settle for something he does not actually want to do? being able to do economics is not much good if he wants to do medicine

the op is overreacting but through no fault of his own as in all the "excitement" about the leaving cert i doubt he was told much about what he could do about getting the career he wants if the leaving dosnt go his way.

Dudess

PeakOutput wrote:

the leaving cert and getting into college has been the biggest thing in his life for the last two years

Exactly. For most 17 or 18-year-olds that's the biggest thing in their life so far and they have nothing else to compare it to, so it's all fine and good for those a few years older to berate them about what terrible problems they may face in the future. We were all 17 or 18. The OP's critics should have some perspective.