Ecstasy

LegacyUser

Hi all, Just wondering what the general concencus is for a problem I'm having. Bit of background first my other half and I are together four years, when we first got together we got into the dance scene for a few months.

After a while we kinda grew out of it and I made it clear to my boyfriend that I wouldn't be happy if he went out with the lads taking drugs and likewise I would not be doing it either. (We have taken them once or twice in the last two years). So four years later and he tells me last night that the lads are planning a night of taking pills next weekend. No girls allowed. Now I was totally shocked at this (he's almost thirty) and told him that I was not happy with it at all. His response is that I have nothing to worry about and he just wants to do it.

Can't shake the feeling of dread, girls what would you do in this situation? Will he be doing this in five years time? Is there even a future for us in that case cos I can't seem to handle the thoughts of it at all. But on the other hand his friend just goes out and does this and his girlfriend has no idea so I'm worried that if I go mad abaout it he just won't tell me in the future. Help!

fifth

Most people I know are fairly sensible with it and they seem to have planned an evening with it and it's probably going to be fine.

I wouldn't be doing that really if i was out and about in clubs tho.. and maybe he will be at it in five years but is it really affecting you so much that you couldn't stay with him?

At least he's telling you!

LegacyUser

Hi I took ecstasy most weekends for about four years from when i left school until i went back to college fulltime. I also know loads of people who have used them. nearly all were social users unfortunately some went really overboard with them. It really depends on the person to be honest. Your boyfriend only takes them very seldom and he has let you know about it so it could be a whole lot worse. I haven't taken them in about 2 years but if i was going to a big dance event id probably take them again.

folkface

Its "the lads only" i'd be suspicious about?

I know when i do E i get uncontrolably randy which can be a thing or a
:mad: thing. I suspect there could be a few lap dancing clubs on the to do list that night. and who knows what else

I'd confront him and say either you come along or he's not going. See what he says.........
Mind you don't actually hold him to it... all guys need a lads night out now and again.

From personal experiences when my mates and i go out and do E anything can happen. I've seen married friends do the dirt (which i'd never thaught could happen - over E.) What goes on tour stays on tour if you know what i mean :rolleyes:

But everybody wants to get their rocks off on it - hence the name ecstasy - state of intense delight. And he doesn't want you around

fifth

Ah... E doesn't always mean cheating! .. although you may be right about the randyness but you're going to make OP feel even worse now!


But it's the large group of lads that would encourage the foul play with other women I think more so than anything!

The Bollox

folkface wrote:

But everybody wants to get their rocks off on it - hence the name ecstasy - state of intense delight. And he doesn't want you around

that's the hilarious thing about E. you would have the best sex in your life on it... if you could get it up.

back on topic: I'd doubt you would have anything to worry about OP. I mure it's just some harmless fun

rick_fantastic

folkface wrote:

Its "the lads only" i'd be suspicious about?

I know when i do E i get uncontrolably randy which can be a thing or a
:mad: thing. I suspect there could be a few lap dancing clubs on the to do list that night. and who knows what else

I'd confront him and say either you come along or he's not going. See what he says.........
Mind you don't actually hold him to it... all guys need a lads night out now and again.

From personal experiences when my mates and i go out and do E anything can happen. I've seen married friends do the dirt (which i'd never thaught could happen - over E.) What goes on tour stays on tour if you know what i mean :rolleyes:

But everybody wants to get their rocks off on it - hence the name ecstasy - state of intense delight. And he doesn't want you around

jeez talk bout stirring sh1t

your man wants to go out buzzing with his mates and take a few pills....

it doesnt mean he's going to jump into bed with someone. for real.

like another poster said... even if he wanted to he couldnt get it up

this is quite common...

your man is thirty years old. stop trying to be his mother...

J.S. Pill

The Bollox wrote:

that's the hilarious thing about E. you would have the best sex in your life on it... if you could get it up.

silvine

Why would you feel dread? Many people would be more likely to cheat on a night of booze with the lad over pills. Booze lowers yours inhibitions, makes you do things you wouldn't normally and generally act the eejit. While pills is all about you, your mates, good music and getting a little ****ed up.

He is being honest with you too. And you have been out with him in situations like this before. You know how it goes better than anyone. Would you prefer he didn't say anything? How does one night out constitute what the next five together will be like? It is ONLY a night out with the lads.

You say we grew out of it and you made it clear to him that you wouldn't be happy with this kind of thing again. You may have grown out of it but maybe he wants a night out for nostalgia's sake?

Do you not trust him?

baztard

He's going popping pills on one night, and your talking about it still going on in 5 years time! A complete over reaction on your part I think. Also I know nothing about you or your partner so I'm no-one to judge, but it sounds to me like you've got trust issues with him, and this whole E business is only the fruit of your mistrust.

Cailinor

I don't think you have anything to worry about. if you are together four years, you must have a strong relationship based on some sort of mutual trust and respect for each other, and this is just one night in four years! I'm sure you need a girly night yourself every now and then. this is just a lads night taken to the next level and at least he's being upfront and honest with you, and even if he does want to go off in another 5 years and have another ecstasy night with the guys, it's nothing to worry about, he's a grown man who can take care of himself and responsibility for his actions.
i think that you are perhaps doing what us girls do needlessly, worry far too much. Sure why dont you have a girly night for yourself that night to distract yourself from worry:)

Miss Fluff

Tbh OP I think it's good that he is being open with you. You decided to knock it on the head together and now he is saying he wouldn't mind popping a few when out with his mates. Reading your post, him taking E doesn't seem to be the problem, more the fact that he intends to do it without you. Cut him some slack, try not to make a big deal about it and then, as another poster pointed out, if he is inclined to do it again he'll be honest with you. If you create a fuss now, he won't tell you again.

griffdaddy

Cailinor wrote:

Sure why dont you have a girly night for yourself that night to distract yourself from worry:)

Yeah, you could get yourselfs a bag of ketamine or something!

LegacyUser

Ok i must be totally over-reacting so. I don't even know why I have a feeling of dread - i think it's because as another poster said i know exactly how randy he gets in that state and he's always off hugging and kissing people when i'm there so am worried about when i'm not there. I don't thin k he'd ever be unfaithful in his right state of mind but he gets absolutely off his head. Or maybe i am just freaked cos he's off having fun doing something that was 'our thing' except now he doesn't want me there... I have no problem with him goin on nights out with the lads i wouldn't bat an eyelid but for some reason i hate the thought of him out clubbing in town off his head with a big group of (mainly single) lads.... I won't say anything more to him anyway will just have to figure out a way not to be climbing the walls waiting on him to get home at the weekend!!!!

astrofool

Funny to see all the pill heads pop up on PI for some reason . Is he not a bit grown up to still be planning nights of taking pills? Is he missing something in his life with you that means he wants to alter his state of mind in this way?

If you had kids together, do you think that if he is still taking pills now, that he won't plan a night of it when they are around? All sounds a bit sad tbh.

StormWarrior

If he's nearly 30 and still popping pills, that would set alarm bells ringing for me. In my personal experience (which is quite alot since I come from the place once dubbed "the druggiest town in England) if someone is going to quit drugs, they will have done so by their late teens/very early 20's. I too would be worried about this still going on in 5 years time. It sounds like you're at a time in your life when you want to stop all the silly craziness and danger and settle down. It doesn't sound like he's at the same place.

When we turned 20 my ex promised me that he would quit drugs. Several years later it still hadn't happened, and I realised it never would. I too used to feel dread at the thought of the drugs, I think it's your inner voice telling you that you don't want that stuff in your life.

Lola123

Does no one see a problem with taking pills in the first place??!!!
Personally, I wouldn't want to go out with someone who does that sort of stuff...it's illegal for a reason, but perhaps I'm in the minority.
I've seen people do crazy stuff while off their faces, so i think you're right to be worried. As for doing it in 5 years time, if he's 30 and still doing it (once off for nostalgia or not) I reckon he will still be doing it in 5 years. Everyone has their limits of what is acceptable and what is not in a relationship. You need to figure out if this is acceptable for you.

StormWarrior

Also, I must say I am very shocked at the amount of people here who don't think taking ecstasy is a big deal. Are we forgetting that it is a class A drug that can cause disability and death? Yes, most people take it without dying, but there is still a chance. Not to mention all the brain cells he is killing and other mental damage. And of course the chance of a possible criminal record?

The Bollox

in a few newspaper polls about dangerous drugs I looked at, Ecstacy was ranked at, or near, the bottom. cannibis was higher

StormWarrior

Just because some drugs are worse doesn't mean taking ecsatsy isn't a problem. The fact that he's still doing it at age 30 is an even bigger problem, especially knowing how the woman he loves feels about it.

missingtime

The reason that it wasn't brought up as being illegal is cos the OP doesn't mention that as an issue.

The Bollox

it isn't safe, but it's not as bad as most stuff, that's the point I was making

StormWarrior

Well, OP at the end of the day, nobody is going to quit drugs just to please someone else. They're only going to quit because they want to, and it doesn't sound like he wants to. So: decision time. Can you cope with drugs possibly being a part of your life for the unforseeable future?

Marksie

Deal strictly with the issue facing the OP folks.

The wider issues of illegal drugs are not for this thread.

In no way is the usage of illegal drugs condoned.

Maple

Its one night out, he just wants to cut loose and have a bit of fun. I wouldn't be worried, its not like its every weekend.

folkface

Whoops edited out.
Sorry Marksie!

StormWarrior

That doesn't mean it's ok though. And the main point is, the OP has a big problem with it. Should she spend the rest of her life feeling "dread" that her boyfriend is a user?

tracon

maple wrote:

Its one night out, he just wants to cut loose and have a bit of fun. I wouldn't be worried, its not like its every weekend.

Yeah I agree. Storm, you need to calm down. And as for Marksie....

StormWarrior

I am thinking this all in a perfectly calm tone of voice, tracon. It is simply a rather large stumbling block for any relationship, if one wants to use drugs and the other doesn't want that in their life.

Marksie

tracon wrote:

Yeah I agree. Storm, you need to calm down. And as for Marksie....

Tracon: please read the charter.

Maple

StormWarrior wrote:

I am thinking this all in a perfectly calm tone of voice, tracon. It is simply a rather large stumbling block for any relationship, if one wants to use drugs and the other doesn't want that in their life.

yes but he's not "using" per se, its a one off big night out with the boys. he hasn't done them in ages, if it became a frequent occurence then maybe the OP might need to rethink the relationship but its a one off.

tracon

maple wrote:

yes but he's not "using" per se, its a one off big night out with the boys. he hasn't done them in ages, if it became a frequent occurence then maybe the OP might need to rethink the relationship but its a one off.

Precisely, no big deal.

I'll deal with you later Marksie. If that is your real name.

Canis Lupus

LOL... I don't pop pills and never have but I see this just like the OP saying... My boyfriend wants to go out on his own and drink ALCOHOL or SMOKE A CIGARETTE.

He wants to go out and pop a pill, replace this with whatever ya want. If it was a regular thing that you disagreed on then fine, put your foot down in a me or the drugs way but once in a blue moon is hardly the end of the world stuff. If my missus wanted to go out and do that I'd say go for it cos I think the world of her and thinking I can 'tell' her and make her do otherwise would be laughable.

On the other hand your post suggests you can't trust him then why are you bothering with him in the first place... I trust my missus which is why I'd have no problems if she wanted to do the same.

Anti

wggyrsd wrote:

Hi all, Just wondering what the general concencus is for a problem I'm having. Bit of background first my other half and I are together four years, when we first got together we got into the dance scene for a few months.

After a while we kinda grew out of it and I made it clear to my boyfriend that I wouldn't be happy if he went out with the lads taking drugs and likewise I would not be doing it either. (We have taken them once or twice in the last two years). So four years later and he tells me last night that the lads are planning a night of taking pills next weekend. No girls allowed. Now I was totally shocked at this (he's almost thirty) and told him that I was not happy with it at all. His response is that I have nothing to worry about and he just wants to do it.

Can't shake the feeling of dread, girls what would you do in this situation? Will he be doing this in five years time? Is there even a future for us in that case cos I can't seem to handle the thoughts of it at all. But on the other hand his friend just goes out and does this and his girlfriend has no idea so I'm worried that if I go mad abaout it he just won't tell me in the future. Help!

He's going out to drop a few yokes, dance like a proverbial bellend and get all huggy and loved up with his mates. Let him go have a laugh. Its not like hes going to to jack up in a council flat.

If your worried about bad pills, simply dont. The pills out these days are nothing like what was out 4 years ago. They are alot weaker, they contain so much less mdma. And are usually just cut with lactose/glucose/fructose(sp!)

I know what you mean when you say you dont want to be in that scene and he is almost 30 now. But just because you dont want to do it, and hes getting a tad auwld dosent mean he dosent have to do it. More then likely it will be a once off thing, Him and his mates are probably going through a early mid life crisis. If they come back wearing while boiler suits with hi vis vests and dusk mask then start getting worried.

Untill then, chillax would be my advice

LegacyUser

wggyrsd wrote:

Hi all, Just wondering what the general concencus is for a problem I'm having. Bit of background first my other half and I are together four years, when we first got together we got into the dance scene for a few months.

After a while we kinda grew out of it and I made it clear to my boyfriend that I wouldn't be happy if he went out with the lads taking drugs and likewise I would not be doing it either. (We have taken them once or twice in the last two years). So four years later and he tells me last night that the lads are planning a night of taking pills next weekend. No girls allowed. Now I was totally shocked at this (he's almost thirty) and told him that I was not happy with it at all. His response is that I have nothing to worry about and he just wants to do it.

Can't shake the feeling of dread, girls what would you do in this situation? Will he be doing this in five years time? Is there even a future for us in that case cos I can't seem to handle the thoughts of it at all. But on the other hand his friend just goes out and does this and his girlfriend has no idea so I'm worried that if I go mad abaout it he just won't tell me in the future. Help!

I have a similar issue with my boyfriend.
Before we got together he was into the dance scene and went through the popping pills phase. He would have a few every weekend when he went clubbing and he considered it the norm. When we got together (6 years ago) he was after growing out of it really. I actually had no idea that he had been like that until a few months into the relationship. When we got together he would barely go clubbing nevermind do anything else. He hates nightclubs now and prefers the local. All good so far!
Every now and again though when we're out with friends of his there are drugs involved... twice a year max i'd say but it still gives me that feeling of dread that you're talking about. He will always tell me and hasn't lied to me about it but it still bugs me and like the OP i can't put my finger on why.
He recently got in contact with an old school friend of his that he hadn't seen since we got together. I've met the old friend and he is sound but he's a bit of a loose cannon. His gf had a baby recently and the week before she gave birth he txt my bf saying he'd had a mad night on pills. I don't know how she puts up with her fella but i'm a small bit worried he'll get my fella back into old habits.
Anyway OP i've tried to put it to the back of my mind. I love my bf, he loves me, he's very sensible and besides one or two indulges on very rare occasions he's on his best behaviour. But I know the exact sense of dread that you are referring to.

LegacyUser

I know people touching 40 (with jobs and familys) that go off on a bender every once in a while. It's not something they can afford to do on a regular basis like when they where younger. Having girlfriends that won't let them have a good night out every once and a while (this is his first time in 2 years??!!)will cause friction, he will more than likely be sitting in a corner chewing the face off himself because his not used to them anymore than getting into any trouble.

"If your worried about bad pills, simply dont. The pills out these days are nothing like what was out 4 years ago. They are alot weaker, they contain so much less mdma. And are usually just cut with lactose/glucose/fructose(sp!)"

I thought the level of MDMA wasn't the cause of a few of those deaths it was what the pills where cut down with that caused the problems other than that it was that the person had an allergic reaction to MDMA, which yermans obviously not since his done it in the past.

Marksie

Anti wrote:

If your worried about bad pills, simply dont. The pills out these days are nothing like what was out 4 years ago. They are alot weaker, they contain so much less mdma. And are usually just cut with lactose/glucose/fructose(sp!)

Anti: Caution on making statements like that.
I have yet to hear of FDA approved procedures for making it. There is abloslutly no quality control and hence no guarantee of what you are getting. No idea of what the ingredients are or even what its cut with.

_blank_

I haven't read any of the replies, I'm just answering straight to the OP here

wggyrsd wrote:

when we first got together we got into the dance scene for a few months.

Right, I was well into the dance scene a few years back aswell

wggyrsd wrote:

I made it clear to my boyfriend that I wouldn't be happy if he went out with the lads taking drugs and likewise I would not be doing it either.(We have taken them once or twice in the last two years).

OK, but you decided to have this 'life change' and suddenly confront the lad with this ultimatum. Seems a bit strange, but anyway, he seems to have toed the line in that regard. Apart from the nights you did the pills together. On whose terms was that?

wggyrsd wrote:

So four years later and he tells me last night that the lads are planning a night of taking pills next weekend. No girls allowed.

Right, two things at play here.

1. The Drugs
2. Lads night out

TBH, one night on pills probably means one, possibly two pills. It doesn't sound like the two of you were some kind of pill monsters back in the day either. What was the limit to the amount of pills he'd take on a night out back then?

wggyrsd wrote:

Now I was totally shocked at this (he's almost thirty) and told him that I was not happy with it at all. His response is that I have nothing to worry about and he just wants to do it.

You know what? At least he was up front and honest. He could have just told you it was a night out on the piss with the lads. Which is probably what he will tell you the next time the lads decide to have a 'pill night' if you 'don't let' him go out and do what he wants this weekend.

wggyrsd wrote:

Can't shake the feeling of dread, girls what would you do in this situation? Will he be doing this in five years time?

Will he be doing what in five years time? Going our and having a few pills? If he has kids and a mortgage, then he probably shouldn't, but if he has no other ties, I see no harm

wggyrsd wrote:

Is there even a future for us in that case cos I can't seem to handle the thoughts of it at all. But on the other hand his friend just goes out and does this and his girlfriend has no idea so I'm worried that if I go mad abaout it he just won't tell me in the future. Help!

That will be you if you fly off the handle.

Does this other guy's gf actually have no idea he's going out and getting pilled up? They obviously don't live together, or the amount of Pills being consumed in a night by the lad is no more than one or possibly two.

If they live together, she'd definitely know when he gets back in from a night on the pills, as I'm sure you know yourself.

JC 2K3

Marksie wrote:

Anti: Caution on making statements like that.
I have yet to hear of FDA approved procedures for making it. There is abloslutly no quality control and hence no guarantee of what you are getting. No idea of what the ingredients are or even what its cut with.

Yes, but dealers hardly want to kill their customers. They might be cut with random crap, but only in very rare cases is this very harmful, for example, PMA, and in cases like this, the dealers aren't going to sell them for very long.

StormWarrior wrote:

Are we forgetting that it is a class A drug that can cause disability and death?

lol.

LegacyUser

'I would still take the odd pill or three once every few months if there was a big DJ or anything on in town. Personally dont see the harm in it as long as its only once in a blue moon. I've had worse states off drinking for 2 days when the footballs on. Im 31 by the way.

But just to mention a friend who was in the exact same situation with his missus came out with us not too long ago. He hadnt done them in years and was reallylooking forward to it. It was "just the lads" as your fella is doing. Reason we had it "just the lads" because when we used to take them when we were younger thats exactly who was around, just us. Its like a comfort thing and bit of nostalga too.

Thing is his missus dressed up to the nines just as he was leaving to come out with us. She was txting him all night asking was he ok, then telling him what underwear she had on how "lonely" she was etc. She was txting him from the bed with some seriously sexy stuff while he was out bopping away off his tits. Eventually he said f@#k this and legged it home to her. Realised exactly where he'd rather be. We'd had a laught but understood why he was heading home, no bitterness towards her either. My mate ended up happy so thats all that matters.

So let him go, but let him know what he's missing. Dont worry about him he's out with friends and at his age its not like he doesnt know how to handle his stuff.'