Ecstasy

LegacyUser

Hi all, Just wondering what the general concencus is for a problem I'm having. Bit of background first my other half and I are together four years, when we first got together we got into the dance scene for a few months.

After a while we kinda grew out of it and I made it clear to my boyfriend that I wouldn't be happy if he went out with the lads taking drugs and likewise I would not be doing it either. (We have taken them once or twice in the last two years). So four years later and he tells me last night that the lads are planning a night of taking pills next weekend. No girls allowed. Now I was totally shocked at this (he's almost thirty) and told him that I was not happy with it at all. His response is that I have nothing to worry about and he just wants to do it.

Can't shake the feeling of dread, girls what would you do in this situation? Will he be doing this in five years time? Is there even a future for us in that case cos I can't seem to handle the thoughts of it at all. But on the other hand his friend just goes out and does this and his girlfriend has no idea so I'm worried that if I go mad abaout it he just won't tell me in the future. Help!

fifth

Most people I know are fairly sensible with it and they seem to have planned an evening with it and it's probably going to be fine.

I wouldn't be doing that really if i was out and about in clubs tho.. and maybe he will be at it in five years but is it really affecting you so much that you couldn't stay with him?

At least he's telling you!

LegacyUser

Hi I took ecstasy most weekends for about four years from when i left school until i went back to college fulltime. I also know loads of people who have used them. nearly all were social users unfortunately some went really overboard with them. It really depends on the person to be honest. Your boyfriend only takes them very seldom and he has let you know about it so it could be a whole lot worse. I haven't taken them in about 2 years but if i was going to a big dance event id probably take them again.

folkface

Its "the lads only" i'd be suspicious about?

I know when i do E i get uncontrolably randy which can be a thing or a
:mad: thing. I suspect there could be a few lap dancing clubs on the to do list that night. and who knows what else

I'd confront him and say either you come along or he's not going. See what he says.........
Mind you don't actually hold him to it... all guys need a lads night out now and again.

From personal experiences when my mates and i go out and do E anything can happen. I've seen married friends do the dirt (which i'd never thaught could happen - over E.) What goes on tour stays on tour if you know what i mean :rolleyes:

But everybody wants to get their rocks off on it - hence the name ecstasy - state of intense delight. And he doesn't want you around

fifth

Ah... E doesn't always mean cheating! .. although you may be right about the randyness but you're going to make OP feel even worse now!


But it's the large group of lads that would encourage the foul play with other women I think more so than anything!

The Bollox

folkface wrote:

But everybody wants to get their rocks off on it - hence the name ecstasy - state of intense delight. And he doesn't want you around

that's the hilarious thing about E. you would have the best sex in your life on it... if you could get it up.

back on topic: I'd doubt you would have anything to worry about OP. I mure it's just some harmless fun

rick_fantastic

folkface wrote:

Its "the lads only" i'd be suspicious about?

I know when i do E i get uncontrolably randy which can be a thing or a
:mad: thing. I suspect there could be a few lap dancing clubs on the to do list that night. and who knows what else

I'd confront him and say either you come along or he's not going. See what he says.........
Mind you don't actually hold him to it... all guys need a lads night out now and again.

From personal experiences when my mates and i go out and do E anything can happen. I've seen married friends do the dirt (which i'd never thaught could happen - over E.) What goes on tour stays on tour if you know what i mean :rolleyes:

But everybody wants to get their rocks off on it - hence the name ecstasy - state of intense delight. And he doesn't want you around

jeez talk bout stirring sh1t

your man wants to go out buzzing with his mates and take a few pills....

it doesnt mean he's going to jump into bed with someone. for real.

like another poster said... even if he wanted to he couldnt get it up

this is quite common...

your man is thirty years old. stop trying to be his mother...

J.S. Pill

The Bollox wrote:

that's the hilarious thing about E. you would have the best sex in your life on it... if you could get it up.

silvine

Why would you feel dread? Many people would be more likely to cheat on a night of booze with the lad over pills. Booze lowers yours inhibitions, makes you do things you wouldn't normally and generally act the eejit. While pills is all about you, your mates, good music and getting a little ****ed up.

He is being honest with you too. And you have been out with him in situations like this before. You know how it goes better than anyone. Would you prefer he didn't say anything? How does one night out constitute what the next five together will be like? It is ONLY a night out with the lads.

You say we grew out of it and you made it clear to him that you wouldn't be happy with this kind of thing again. You may have grown out of it but maybe he wants a night out for nostalgia's sake?

Do you not trust him?

baztard

He's going popping pills on one night, and your talking about it still going on in 5 years time! A complete over reaction on your part I think. Also I know nothing about you or your partner so I'm no-one to judge, but it sounds to me like you've got trust issues with him, and this whole E business is only the fruit of your mistrust.

Cailinor

I don't think you have anything to worry about. if you are together four years, you must have a strong relationship based on some sort of mutual trust and respect for each other, and this is just one night in four years! I'm sure you need a girly night yourself every now and then. this is just a lads night taken to the next level and at least he's being upfront and honest with you, and even if he does want to go off in another 5 years and have another ecstasy night with the guys, it's nothing to worry about, he's a grown man who can take care of himself and responsibility for his actions.
i think that you are perhaps doing what us girls do needlessly, worry far too much. Sure why dont you have a girly night for yourself that night to distract yourself from worry:)

Miss Fluff

Tbh OP I think it's good that he is being open with you. You decided to knock it on the head together and now he is saying he wouldn't mind popping a few when out with his mates. Reading your post, him taking E doesn't seem to be the problem, more the fact that he intends to do it without you. Cut him some slack, try not to make a big deal about it and then, as another poster pointed out, if he is inclined to do it again he'll be honest with you. If you create a fuss now, he won't tell you again.

griffdaddy

Cailinor wrote:

Sure why dont you have a girly night for yourself that night to distract yourself from worry:)

Yeah, you could get yourselfs a bag of ketamine or something!

LegacyUser

Ok i must be totally over-reacting so. I don't even know why I have a feeling of dread - i think it's because as another poster said i know exactly how randy he gets in that state and he's always off hugging and kissing people when i'm there so am worried about when i'm not there. I don't thin k he'd ever be unfaithful in his right state of mind but he gets absolutely off his head. Or maybe i am just freaked cos he's off having fun doing something that was 'our thing' except now he doesn't want me there... I have no problem with him goin on nights out with the lads i wouldn't bat an eyelid but for some reason i hate the thought of him out clubbing in town off his head with a big group of (mainly single) lads.... I won't say anything more to him anyway will just have to figure out a way not to be climbing the walls waiting on him to get home at the weekend!!!!

astrofool

Funny to see all the pill heads pop up on PI for some reason . Is he not a bit grown up to still be planning nights of taking pills? Is he missing something in his life with you that means he wants to alter his state of mind in this way?

If you had kids together, do you think that if he is still taking pills now, that he won't plan a night of it when they are around? All sounds a bit sad tbh.

StormWarrior

If he's nearly 30 and still popping pills, that would set alarm bells ringing for me. In my personal experience (which is quite alot since I come from the place once dubbed "the druggiest town in England) if someone is going to quit drugs, they will have done so by their late teens/very early 20's. I too would be worried about this still going on in 5 years time. It sounds like you're at a time in your life when you want to stop all the silly craziness and danger and settle down. It doesn't sound like he's at the same place.

When we turned 20 my ex promised me that he would quit drugs. Several years later it still hadn't happened, and I realised it never would. I too used to feel dread at the thought of the drugs, I think it's your inner voice telling you that you don't want that stuff in your life.

Lola123

Does no one see a problem with taking pills in the first place??!!!
Personally, I wouldn't want to go out with someone who does that sort of stuff...it's illegal for a reason, but perhaps I'm in the minority.
I've seen people do crazy stuff while off their faces, so i think you're right to be worried. As for doing it in 5 years time, if he's 30 and still doing it (once off for nostalgia or not) I reckon he will still be doing it in 5 years. Everyone has their limits of what is acceptable and what is not in a relationship. You need to figure out if this is acceptable for you.

StormWarrior

Also, I must say I am very shocked at the amount of people here who don't think taking ecstasy is a big deal. Are we forgetting that it is a class A drug that can cause disability and death? Yes, most people take it without dying, but there is still a chance. Not to mention all the brain cells he is killing and other mental damage. And of course the chance of a possible criminal record?

The Bollox

in a few newspaper polls about dangerous drugs I looked at, Ecstacy was ranked at, or near, the bottom. cannibis was higher

StormWarrior

Just because some drugs are worse doesn't mean taking ecsatsy isn't a problem. The fact that he's still doing it at age 30 is an even bigger problem, especially knowing how the woman he loves feels about it.

missingtime

The reason that it wasn't brought up as being illegal is cos the OP doesn't mention that as an issue.

The Bollox

it isn't safe, but it's not as bad as most stuff, that's the point I was making

StormWarrior

Well, OP at the end of the day, nobody is going to quit drugs just to please someone else. They're only going to quit because they want to, and it doesn't sound like he wants to. So: decision time. Can you cope with drugs possibly being a part of your life for the unforseeable future?

Marksie

Deal strictly with the issue facing the OP folks.

The wider issues of illegal drugs are not for this thread.

In no way is the usage of illegal drugs condoned.

Maple

Its one night out, he just wants to cut loose and have a bit of fun. I wouldn't be worried, its not like its every weekend.

folkface

Whoops edited out.
Sorry Marksie!

StormWarrior

That doesn't mean it's ok though. And the main point is, the OP has a big problem with it. Should she spend the rest of her life feeling "dread" that her boyfriend is a user?

tracon

maple wrote:

Its one night out, he just wants to cut loose and have a bit of fun. I wouldn't be worried, its not like its every weekend.

Yeah I agree. Storm, you need to calm down. And as for Marksie....

StormWarrior

I am thinking this all in a perfectly calm tone of voice, tracon. It is simply a rather large stumbling block for any relationship, if one wants to use drugs and the other doesn't want that in their life.

Marksie

tracon wrote:

Yeah I agree. Storm, you need to calm down. And as for Marksie....

Tracon: please read the charter.

Maple

StormWarrior wrote:

I am thinking this all in a perfectly calm tone of voice, tracon. It is simply a rather large stumbling block for any relationship, if one wants to use drugs and the other doesn't want that in their life.

yes but he's not "using" per se, its a one off big night out with the boys. he hasn't done them in ages, if it became a frequent occurence then maybe the OP might need to rethink the relationship but its a one off.