No sex life, consequences.

LegacyUser

Ok have been going with my gf for 3 years. I love her but tbh sex is maybe 1 a month and its utterly rubbish when we do have it. I have brought this up with her a few times and we might have sex twice in that week but then it goes back to nothing.

So basically i have been txtin a girl, my friends knows i have been doing this and i was txtin him about it last week when i was out and saying i wish she had come out to town with me. Basically the GF seen those messages to my friend and went mad.

But tbh i feel i have done nothing wrong, i have brought this up with her numerous times and shes done f**k all about it. I have told her i want sex more than once a month and we dont have it. I have tried to spice things up and shes not interested. I dont want to break up with her but its getting harder and harder to deal with the no sex thing. Any suggestions?

onemanband

Get a girlfriend. The "friend" you are currently with should understand that a relationship with no sex is actually a friendship.

Oryx

You have a different sex drive to your gf, and its hard to see how thats going to change for either of you. Fact that youre looking around for other options is showing where youre head is at, and would make me question the strength of your feelings for your gf. Although I accept that not being 'allowed' to have sex with the person you love is unbearable.

Your only comment I have a problem with is

But tbh i feel i have done nothing wrong, i have brought this up with her numerous times and shes done f**k all about it.

This makes her out as frigid, which gives you carte blanche to cheat, as its her fault. Very unfair.

The most honest thing would be to break up, really. See how you feel with some distance from the situation, and whether you reckon you could compromise on this or not.

milkerman

Sounds to me like you two are going nowhere with this relationship. Also, if you are honest, you are already in the departure lounge.
Do you and your current gf a favour and decide whether this relationship has any future and act accordingly.

Marksie

Ktk: i have problems with more than just one comment and is indicative of more than a difference in sex drive:

sexlife99 wrote:

sex is maybe 1 a month and its utterly rubbish when we do have it. ?

So you go into it expecting it to be rubbish and it is as its you that make it so. You finish and get your brief release. Then what roll over sit with a frump on?
My bet it that the unsatsifactory nature and vibes you give off are picked up by your g/f. Hardly going to make her look forward to the next time.
She is juts going through the motions to keep you quiet.

sexlife99 wrote:

I have brought this up with her a few times and we might have sex twice in that week but then it goes back to nothing.?

Agan she is going through the motions to keep you quiet. the poor girl probably dreads it.

sexlife99 wrote:

Basically the GF seen those messages to my friend and went mad..

Slightly ifferent issue, but yes, i am not surprised.

sexlife99 wrote:

i have brought this up with her numerous times and shes done f**k all about it.

I have told her i want sex more than once a month and we dont have it.

I have tried to spice things up and shes not interested.

I, Me, I.
No indication of WE in this. As in we talked about it.

Now, when YOU brought it up with HER, did SHE say anything to YOU. Or where you too busy telling her what you want to actually listen? I juts had a horrible thought..you didnt actually say that sex was rubbish did you?

You brought it up and then it was her responsibility to do something about it? Where is your responsibility to positively improve things in this?
It is simply a communication, lack of intimacy issue between the two of you. Combined with a somewhat self centred approach on your part.

Well you can go back and work on asking her what SHE wants. There are some little rules as regards things. one of them is : if you want your partner to be an ecstatic lover, become one yourself. Rethink your own attitude first before lumping the responsibility back onto her. Bring her back into the equation rather than just as a means of you finding your own satisfaction

Or

Leave her and find someone else , maybe the girl you are texting. TBH if i was your girlfriend i would use the opportunity of those texts to dump you.

LegacyUser

Marksie wrote:

So you go into it expecting it to be rubbish and it is as its you that make it so. You finish and get your brief release. Then what roll over sit with a frump on?
My bet it that the unsatsifactory nature and vibes you give off are picked up by your g/f. Hardly going to make her look forward to the next time.
She is juts going through the motions to keep you quiet.

I try to be attentive i am in my prime so when it comes to sex i am always enthusiastic.

Marksie wrote:

I, Me, I.
No indication of WE in this. As in we talked about it.

Now, when YOU brought it up with HER, did SHE say anything to YOU. Or where you too busy telling her what you want to actually listen? I juts had a horrible thought..you didnt actually say that sex was rubbish did you?

You brought it up and then it was her responsibility to do something about it? Where is your responsibility to positively improve things in this?
It is simply a communication, lack of intimacy issue between the two of you. Combined with a somewhat self centred approach on your part.

Well you can go back and work on asking her what SHE wants. There are some little rules as regards things. one of them is : if you want your partner to be an ecstatic lover, become one yourself. Rethink your own attitude first before lumping the responsibility back onto her. Bring her back into the equation rather than just as a means of you finding your own satisfaction

I haved asked her thousands of times what she wants in bed i always get the same 2 answers, its either " i dont know" or "what do you want to do"

Marksie wrote:

Leave her and find someone else , maybe the girl you are texting. TBH if i was your girlfriend i would use the opportunity of those texts to dump you.

Do you not see any of this as her fault? I am not a sex mad lunatic but like most guys i want a good sex life i have tried discussing this with her but she has not tried to improve things from her end

Dreamer 7

To me you sound like a spolit child stamping his feet because you are not getting your own way, I can see no effort being made to tease and tantilise her from what you say.
Ever think she may not be happy with her sex life either and finds YOU crap in bed??
As a woman I have had varying levels of sex drive over the years and have put out just to shut him up in the past but it is no way to live.

Personally I think if you can't speak to her about it its time to call it a day, set her free for a man who will appreciate her and you can go play games with ur txt girl

Mrs_Doyle

OK, why not ask her if she is happy with your sex life.
If the answer is No, ask her what kind of sex life would she like to have.

I'm guessing she is as unhappy with your sex life as you are.

If you think the sex is crap, she probably does too. So she's unlikely to want to have lots and lots of really crap sex.

Also, you have made a big deal out of it now, so that's added some pressure to things. I mean she is hardly going to be relaxed and enjoy it when you make it seem like a duty. (I WANT, I NEED, I MUST HAVE!)

When she tells you what kinda sex life she would like to have, why don't you take baby steps at achieving that kinda life?

Its not all about you, ya know, it's gonna take two willing adults to make this work. You don't just make demands and expect her to meet them.

spinandscribble

its not HER fault that YOU want to cheat and dont shift that blame.

its your responsiblity to get out of the relationship if you arnt getting what you want instead of having your cake and eating it too.

you sound selfish and judgmental, hardly what a woman would love to jump into bed with.

you spiced things up eh? what did you do? put ur cock in her mouth while she was sleeping?

first of all forget blaming her for YOUR wandering eye and instead have a serious discussion with her not AT HER about what EACH of you want/need not just in sex but in your relationship..

Oryx

spinandscribble just prompted me to ask (tho in a less forceful way) what did you do to spice things up? This is important. Male and female sexual turnons can vary wildly. Eg, you might love porn, whereas it could turn her stomach.

Does she orgasm when you make love?

miles teg

sexlife99 wrote:

...
Do you not see any of this as her fault? I am not a sex mad lunatic but like most guys i want a good sex life i have tried discussing this with her but she has not tried to improve things from her end

I think you're getting a bit of a lynching from posters here. It's not selfish to want to be fulfilled in your relationship but people seem to think you should put up and shut up like an oppressed wife back in the good old days. You've tried to explain the situation to her but she seems unwilling to act as a couple in solving that (despite other posters saying it's all about you). I think you should consider breaking up.

scitpo

When people cheat its usually for good reason so don't feel guilty about it for one second. Actually just leave her and move might be the better thing to do.

Reku

If she doesn't know perhaps this is where to start, suggest having a look in sex shops and sex sites just to see if she gets any inspiration as to what she'd be at least curious about trying.
It is also of course possible that perhaps she does know but just doesn't feel comfortable telling you, as TBH the fact that you would look elsewhere just because the sex wasn't great would imply to me that you're not that close and either you both need to work on this or call it a day between you.
Also do you just tell her that you're unhappy with the sex or do you tell her when she does something you do like? If you keep up the complaints all you do is leave her feeling it's not worth the effort as she can't please you.

miles teg

I don't see where the OP said he has cheated... or wants to cheat. He was texting a girl and then texted his friend saying he wished she had come out one night. not the biggest crime in the world

Oryx

miles teg wrote:

I think you're getting a bit of a lynching from posters here. It's not selfish to want to be fulfilled in your relationship but people seem to think you should put up and shut up like an oppressed wife back in the good old days. You've tried to explain the situation to her but she seems unwilling to act as a couple in solving that (despite other posters saying it's all about you).

Ok... slightly ot. Any PI that mentions cheating tends to get its fair share of harsh comments. In spite of that I think its been pretty balanced in terms of suggestions. People post here for all opinions, not just kind ones, Id say the OP is man enough to take any negative comments on board.

cycleoin

This is meant with NO OFFENCE mate but...

If i was having sex with someone and it was crap/uncomfortable/weird I wouldn't want to be doing it all the time.

Have you spoken to her about why she is so cold when it comes to sex Perhaps it is painful or not enjoyable?

LegacyUser

Dude you're getting a really hard time here!

Sex once a month is outrageous even if she hates sex.
I don't know about you but I go out of my way to please my girl even if it means sitting through hours of musicals or touring art galleries. She does the same for me.

Luckily my girl is a sex fiend and I can't keep up, I literally had to stop her last weekend 'cos my willy was sore after 5 sessions in 36 hours. I had to tie her up, thankfully she's into that too.
Before you ask, NO, we have been going out a year and she's always been like this.

You should get a new girlfriend, sex is just too important to a relationship to put up with poor quality.

Both you and your girlfriend need new partners.

cance

OP find a new girlfriend.

You could beat around the bush about this issue, but by the sound of your post a: you have had enough and b: sex doesn't seem to be high on her priorities.

From a male perspective, sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, but its one of them. Its the only thing two people can do together thats fun and free. If you feel you want more and she doesnt share your enthusiasm, I feel it would be best to cut ties and start looking again.

spinandscribble

the best question here was "does she cum when you do have sex?"

theres no good reason to cheat. if theres a good reason why you feel like cheating then you should just get out of the relationship, end of.

clarttastic

Listen to the song by the Arctic Monkey - Flourescent Adolecent (sp) it sums you up.

miles teg

KtK wrote:

Ok... slightly ot. Any PI that mentions cheating tends to get its fair share of harsh comments. In spite of that I think its been pretty balanced in terms of suggestions. People post here for all opinions, not just kind ones, Id say the OP is man enough to take any negative comments on board.

I still don't see where the op mentioned cheating.

LegacyUser

miles teg wrote:

I still don't see where the op mentioned cheating.

Thanks for the support miles, I am not cheating just a bit of txt flirting, probably not a good idea as it can lead to cheating. But i am at my wits end.

I have a girlfriend who i love, we bought a house together a few months ago. Apart from the sex issue we are perfectly suited. But now as i said i have tried to speak to ehr several times about this and pretty much nothing has changed. I dont want a pornstar performance in bed just some response.

I have been around the block and i know what i'm doing (but i am not stupid enough to think that i am the best lover in the world) I have never had any complaints but my current Gf wont try anything new, when i ask her what she wants its either "i dont know" or "whatever you want" then when i suggest something she doesnt seem into it (not nothing werid!)

But i find myself looking at other girls more often, having quite a few sheman tanks per week aswell

Oryx

miles teg wrote:

I still don't see where the op mentioned cheating.

The query is about sex, or the lack of. Then the op says:

So basically i have been txtin a girl, my friends knows i have been doing this and i was txtin him about it last week when i was out and saying i wish she had come out to town with me.

I presume he didnt want her to be with him so they could play tiddlywinks. You dont have to say the word cheating to infer it.

LegacyUser

Just be honest with her and ask her what she wants. Be open and try find out why she acts like that. Once a month is not on, there is something wrong there and can probably be worked on. She may have issues, a fear or phobia ... whatever but try having as open conversations about it as possible and share responsibilities for fixing this. Don’t be greedy. If things still don’t work out after a time period and its still getting you down, I would consider breaking up but don’t cheat, your just being an idiot if you tag her along as a safety net until you get sorted with someone else

davyjose

onemanband wrote:

Get a girlfriend. The "friend" you are currently with should understand that a relationship with no sex is actually a friendship.

QFT - she can't expect you not to want to have sex. By not choosing to have sex with you, she is just a close companion.

lady_j

sexlife99 wrote:

But tbh i feel i have done nothing wrong,

if she was texting a guy, and all her friends knew about it Im sure you'd feel she had done something wrong. Cheating doesnt have to be physical...


You say when you have sex its rubbish, that generally means both people are at fault. If sex is already non existent, then 'spicing things up' will seem forced. Her initail lack of interest in sex may not have been to do with you, but there is nothing more off-putting than someone pestering you for sex.

You do not mention anything about the relationship other than your sex-life. Perhaps the sex life slowing down is not the problem in itself, but a result of something else lacking in the relationship. It sounds like the communication between you really needs to be improved. Perhaps when talking to her you shouldn't just talk about the sex-life, but really try and find the root of the problem

biko

1, Break up with current gf.
2, Start dating other people.

spinandscribble

i think the reason we're all jumping on him is he thinks shes all to blame for him wanting to cheat and his posts seem v. biased. ergo we imagine the worst of him and think of all the justifable reasons she wouldnt want sex.

jubi lee

yeah op...

have you ever thought she mightened want sex with you cos :
a) your crap in bed... she obviously doesn't enjoy it with you
b) you go on about it
c) you attention is elsewhere...

break up with her and let her move on to a decent guy..

LegacyUser

scitpo wrote:

When people cheat its usually for good reason so don't feel guilty about it for one second. Actually just leave her and move might be the better thing to do.

I agree. She sounds like she deserver's someone better.

And I agree with cycleoin. She may not want to hurt your feelings. If she said you're crap in bed/too small/not enough angles, would you be gutted?

LegacyUser

jubi lee wrote:

yeah op...

have you ever thought she mightened want sex with you cos :
a) your crap in bed... she obviously doesn't enjoy it with you
b) you go on about it
c) you attention is elsewhere...

break up with her and let her move on to a decent guy..

So i am not decent because i want a decent sex life.

A) I have no complaints and have had quite a few partners.
We have talked about it maybe 5 times in 3 years though mostly within the last year. I would hardly say i "go on about it"
C) My attention is not elsewhere i txt his girl for about 2 days last week.

The Corinthian

cycleoin wrote:

If i was having sex with someone and it was crap/uncomfortable/weird I wouldn't want to be doing it all the time.

Sex is like documentation - when it's good, it's good. And when it's bad it's better than nothing.

OP - There appears to be a communication issue between the two of you. Even then it simply may be a case of irreconcilable sex drives. Time to sit down with her and tell her that the two of you are going to have to deal with this issue openly otherwise you will cheat on her and/or break up, sooner or later.

spinandscribble wrote:

its not HER fault that YOU want to cheat and dont shift that blame.

Well, if either party is trapped in a relationship where they're being denied sex, then it's pretty much inevitable. And if the only reason he will cheat is because of this then some of the blame may well sit with the person denying the sex.

JC 2K3

It's funny, I remember reading a PI a few months back about a girl complaining about crap and infrequent sex with her boyfriend. The responses were basically "demand a decent sex life from him" and none of this "they deserve better than you" crap.

LegacyUser

'

JC 2K3 wrote:

It's funny, I remember reading a PI a few months back about a girl complaining about crap and infrequent sex with her boyfriend. The responses were basically "demand a decent sex life from him" and none of this "they deserve better than you" crap.

I too remember that thread'

spinandscribble

again i think its to do with the ops attitude.
im not saying he shouldnt try to sort it out, he just needs to approach it seriously and kindly. he clearly doesnt know why his gf has a problem with sex and he needs to make her feel comfortable as well as letting her know he feels its important and a deal breaker.

Marksie

Dammit my last post crashed and burned for some reason:

sexlife99 wrote:

I try to be attentive i am in my prime so when it comes to sex i am always enthusiastic.

Are you saying that attentivness equates to sex?. What about intimacy, for you is that sex?
Or is it juts an act where you can have as many orgasms as possible when you want. What does lovemaking mean to you? what does it mean to her..crucially what does it mean to you both?.

sexlife99 wrote:

I haved asked her thousands of times what she wants in bed i always get the same 2 answers, its either " i dont know" or "what do you want to do"

sexlife99 wrote:

A) I have no complaints and have had quite a few partners.
We have talked about it maybe 5 times in 3 years though mostly within the last year. I would hardly say i "go on about it"

Combined posts here. There is a major communication issue going on here. So you have talked about the lack of sex life only 5 times and yet you get the same response the "thousands" of times you have asked her?
I am really suprised that you undertook to move in with her and commit to buying a house with such a huge issue outstanding.
How do you react when you get noncommital responses? Get on with it, shrug and roll over or get huffy. Or have you even considerd taking the chance to explore her responses and to actually begin to come close to connecting as a couple should do?
If my partner said to me "what do you want to do?" I would take that as carte blanche to get teh massage oil out and begin a slow and detailed exploration of every inch of her without thoughts then of anything for me at that point in time up to and including a delicate yoni and sacred spot massage with all the tactile apparatus available.

The fact you have been around the block, haven't had any complaints and believe you know what you are doing, means absolutely nothing. Except perhaps that you are not willing to explore the possibility that its your attitude that is the issue for a large part of it.

You have made a commitment to this woman, you could get out of it, or you could actually reevaluate.

Get open channels of communication going... the fact you are not resolving it just simply mean that she isnt telling you everything and you aren't expressing correctly. My guess is one or the other gets upset, whihc is not unusual if communication is bad to begin with.

look at your own attitudes beffore putting teh blame on your partenr.

Lead by example, show her what lovemakig is like, but first you have to go right back to basics and learn yourself.

It may very well be that sex drives are different, they do wax and wane for differing reasons. But they can also be held as an excuse to get out of facing various issues.
If they are truly different what do you do? Consider it to be a team cross country run rather than a series of individual sprints. If she is lagging behind drop your pace back to match her, then gradually encourage her, show her how its done and increase the pace until its comfortable for both.
Probably a poor analogy, but you may be able to get the idea.

I dont think there is any need to answer the other posters as regards whether your g/f has orgasmed or not, I am afraid its clear.

Marksie

JC 2K3 wrote:

It's funny, I remember reading a PI a few months back about a girl complaining about crap and infrequent sex with her boyfriend. The responses were basically "demand a decent sex life from him" and none of this "they deserve better than you" crap.

Yes i remember that.

She came on with a different attitude though, and my advice was the same, but more gently put.

but if i recall even further back the poster had ben on six months previous with exactly the same thing and it ahdnt noticeably improved. That may be where the latter advice you quote came from

Zulu

spinandscribble wrote:

again i think its to do with the ops attitude.
im not saying he shouldnt try to sort it out, he just needs to approach it seriously and kindly. he clearly doesnt know why his gf has a problem with sex and he needs to make her feel comfortable as well as letting her know he feels its important and a deal breaker.

maybe she doesn't have a problem with sex; maybe she is crap at it? This is a two way thing. Surely it's not all up to the guy to make her feel comfortable etc. it's not a child he's dealing with!

milod

Marksie wrote:

Yes i remember that.

She came on with a different attitude though, and my advice was the same, but more gently put.

but if i recall even further back the poster had ben on six months previous with exactly the same thing and it ahdnt noticeably improved. That may be where the latter advice you quote came from

JC2K3 makes a fair point though Marksie - a guy who's unsatisfied with his sex life is a priori a boorish idiot who must prove he isn't before getting anything like decent pragmatic advice. Whereas a girl making the same complaint is presumed the victim of some boorish, neglectful partner!

OP, my advice is this - if you love her and you believe she loves you, quit text flirting and make a serious effort to get to the root of the issue. because the issue is already established, you need to break the vicious circle of negativity. Your expected disappointment will be radiated before you even get going, and her lack of enthusiasm will on focus your frustration even more.

I suggest you see a sex therapist or relationship counsellor together. Discuss the possibility with your girlfriend, but remember you may have to make a difficult decision if she refuses to join you in trying to sort out the problem.

I speak from experience here!

Talliesin

You know. It's hard in reading the tone in the OP not to imagine that his way of getting his girlfriend in the mood for love-making is to kick her in the shins and say "wanna sweetie! wanna sweetie!"

sexlife99 wrote:

I love her but

I'm struck by how often people say this.

What is it actually intended to convey.

Sometimes I get the impression it's intended to mean "everything is 100% good with us except for what I'm going to say after 'but'". Which frankly I don't believe.

Sometimes I get the impression it's intended to mean "I'm stuck with them because of this 'love' thing. Like, that's the rule, isn't it?" which does seem to be a folly people really do fall into.

Sometimes I get the impression it's intended to mean "neither me nor my partner can be found truly culpable for anything, I mean 'love conquers all', right?" which is rubbish on several levels.

Whatever it's meant it always seems rather defensive.

Isn't loving your partner meant to be the norm? Why do people need to tell us that they love their partner?

sexlife99 wrote:

So basically i have been txtin a girl, my friends knows i have been doing this and i was txtin him about it last week when i was out and saying i wish she had come out to town with me. Basically the GF seen those messages to my friend and went mad.

And this of course surprises you because none of the text messages in any way went outside the boundaries of your relationship?

sexlife99 wrote:

But tbh i feel i have done nothing wrong, i have brought this up with her numerous times and shes done f**k all about it.

Eh? You brought up the fact that you were texting this girl numerous times? Well, if she knew all about it and you'd made sure she was genuinely okay, then you did indeed do nothing wrong.

sexlife99 wrote:

I have told her i want sex more than once a month and we dont have it.

Right. We're back to this again. That was a bit of a weird detour.

Oh wait. You're drawing a connection between your sex-life not being as you want and your texting this girl.

I've cracked your secret code now. Sorry it took me a bit. So, your partner isn't actually happy with you texting this girl at all, but that's okay because your partner is your opponent in a psychosexual war of attrition where the spoils go to the victor.

Well, that's okay then.

Let's go back to your opening about love again.

To summarise:

1. You love your partner but...
2. Sex bad
3. Psychosexual war of attrition
4. You're not doing anything wrong whatsoever.

sexlife99 wrote:

I have tried to spice things up and shes not interested.

Why are people always trying to spice things up?

Did you know that one of the main reason people started using spices in their food was that it masked the odour of rotting food. If your meat and fruit is 3 months old and you live in a time when there's no such thing as refrigeration you spice it up a bit.

If you want to have a good spicy meal you have to start with good ingredients and then add spice to bring out the flavour.

If you don't start with something good then the spice only serves to hide the stench.

First off. You screwed up with this other girl. Don't go weaseling around with what she did and what you did and "but teacher, she started it". You're not five years old so you should have learnt that this doesn't actually impress anyone by now.

Now, that isn't to say that the effect of this strain in your relationship didn't influence you in your actions, but that's not the same as making it all okay. Indeed, you're losing your ability to own to what actually happened, because you're not saying "I reacted to X by doing Y, which I shouldn't have done" and then examining your behaviour and motivations. You're just crying "look what you made me do" instead.

Then, forget about "spicing" things up. Find out what she would like sex to be about. There's a good chance that things you think of as "spice" are actually a turn-off for her. Get the basics right. And that's not a matter of what she wants in bed, it's a matter of what she wants sex to be in total including how it fits in with the rest of her life with you.

Maybe you won't be able to give her that or even a shadow of that. Maybe what she wants just won't do it for you at all. Maybe she'll need a lot of help working out what she wants. But maybe you'll eventually get the basics somewhere that you are both happy with. Then you can perhaps add spice.

vorbis

as someone else said, she isn't a child. This is two adults we're talking about. Its a little rich to expect the guy to assume all responsibility for lovemaking and to make sure its an unbelievable experience for the girl.

Lets look at the bare facts. They have sex once a month! This is extremely seldom for most couples. I imagine his gf knows that as well. I don't know how the OP has raised the issue with his gf but he has talked to her about it. He also also asked her about what she would like.

His gf seems to be completely uninterested in sex and won't tell him why! This pattern of behaviour is not good! Do you want to put up with this level of moodiness for the rest of the life? I'd argue she's the one being passive aggressive. Your best bet would be to break up with her.

Awful Scut Mk2

Agreed 100 per cent.

For instance, what kind of trite garbage is the post sarcastically condemning the OP for "trying to spice things up"? Perhaps it's because he's looking for a solution, as opposed to trying to disguise 'rotting meat'. If I may say so, that is the worst kind of lazy analogy.

And as for why he says that 'he loves her but'? Maybe it's because he does love her, but he does have problems with a relationship.

I would also wholeheartedly agree with the posters on here who question why the OP is being slammed for raising this issue and why the post is not being taken at face value. I read PI fairly regularly, and I often feel that certain male posters when replying do so with the idea of gaining female approval rather than what they actually think.

Sometimes people just have different sex drives and different ideas in life. It doesn't always have to be about an inconsiderate, boorish boyfriend demanding sex from his put-upon girlfriend, something which some contributors on here would do well to bear in mind. Evidently, each PI thread has to be taken on its own merits, but taking this at face value, what is simple is best. Go your separate ways and move on. I strongly suspect were it not for the fact that you've already bought a house together, we'd never have read this.

TEH REAL CDP

Tbh, I think if you made things more interesting for her you'd get more favourable response....

You say she does not know what she wants to do....may be she lacks the confidence to take initiative. Also, she's gotta be comfortable with you and not think that you just want a fast shag.

Try pleasing her...be spontaneous in a romantic way. If you sleep together, why not kiss her with a bit of passion...not leading to sex. Give her something she doesn't expect....did you ever try to pleasure her orally?

If you satisfy her needs (and every woman has needs...wheather she realises it or not) and she enjoys it...things may be a little better.

Satisfy your women people.;)

Laslo

You're not sexually compatible so break up. It's a no-brainer. Unless you're content to spend the rest of your life having sex once a month at most (but probably considerably less as you get older). It's not the shallow option, it's the sensible one.

Miss Fluff

Talliesin wrote:

Sometimes I get the impression it's intended to mean "everything is 100% good with us except for what I'm going to say after 'but'". Which frankly I don't believe.

Sometimes I get the impression it's intended to mean "I'm stuck with them because of this 'love' thing. Like, that's the rule, isn't it?" which does seem to be a folly people really do fall into.

So true. It's not enough just to "love" someone, sex is a huge part of any loving relationship and when it dwindles to such an unsatisfactory level as you are experiencing OP then imo the writing is on the wall. No point in "loving" someone when there is no "loving" there.

However, you need to actually SIT DOWN AND TALK about this with your gf. Not when you have a raging horn and fancy a portion either.

Maybe she doesn't fancy you anymore?

Maybe all she aspired to was you guys buying a house together and not that you have it she feels she no longer has to make an effort?

Has she put on weight recently and is self-conscious of her body?

Maybe she is having an affair?

Maybe the way you approach this issue makes her turn away even more?

It's not enough OP to say she doesn't want sex. There could be a multiplicity of interdigitating factors here that YOU have not considered. If there is no hope then there is no hope but at least you have tried to establish what the problem is.

Oh, and quit texting this other girl until you decide where you want your current relationship to go. I doubt discovering these texts will enflame the fire in your GFs loins tbh.

Laslo

Miss Fluff wrote:

So true. It's not enough just to "love" someone, sex is a huge part of any loving relationship and when it dwindles to such an unsatisfactory level as you are experiencing OP then imo the writing is on the wall. No point in "loving" someone when there is no "loving" there.

However, you need to actually SIT DOWN AND TALK about this with your gf. Not when you have a raging horn and fancy a portion either.

Maybe she doesn't fancy you anymore?

Maybe all she aspired to was you guys buying a house together and not that you have it she feels she no longer has to make an effort?

Has she put on weight recently and is self-conscious of her body?

Maybe she is having an affair?

Maybe the way you approach this issue makes her turn away even more?

It's not enough OP to say she doesn't want sex. There could be a multiplicity of interdigitating factors here that YOU have not considered. If there is no hope then there is no hope but at least you have tried to establish what the problem is.

Oh, and quit texting this other girl until you decide where you want your current relationship to go. I doubt discovering these texts will enflame the fire in your GFs loins tbh.

Too true... but if there's no communication then there's no hope. End it.

Talliesin

Awful Scut Mk2 wrote:

For instance, what kind of trite garbage is the post sarcastically condemning the OP for "trying to spice things up"? Perhaps it's because he's looking for a solution, as opposed to trying to disguise 'rotting meat'. If I may say so, that is the worst kind of lazy analogy.

Yes, it's a very lazy analogy. The OP should consider why he was using such lazy analogies in his attempt to find a solution.

milkerman

Nobody here has the right to judge you or your girlfriend on the basis of the few lines in your initial posting. All we know is that there is a problem between the two of you. Problems occur between men & women, thats why we dump each other from time to time. Later on, when you have invested time, have kids etc, it is worth going to great lengths to resolve difficulties like this.
You are not married, you are partners in a property. There should be no difficulties at this point in your relationship, physical or otherwise.

You have tried living together, there are fundamental differences between you, MOVE ON. You need an estate agent to resolve your problem- much easier than a divorce lawyer.
Hope you BOTH find happiness somewhere.

Marksie

Awful Scut Mk2 wrote:

For instance, what kind of trite garbage is the post sarcastically condemning the OP for "trying to spice things up"? Perhaps it's because he's looking for a solution, as opposed to trying to disguise 'rotting meat'. If I may say so, that is the worst kind of lazy analogy. .

Actually i thought it was an elegant way of summing it up. If the OP had got the basics right in terms of communication and openness then everything else follows.

Awful Scut Mk2 wrote:

I would also wholeheartedly agree with the posters on here who question why the OP is being slammed for raising this issue and why the post is not being taken at face value.

The OP question, if looked at at "face value" i.e how it was written literally cried out for his attitudes to be questioned.

Awful Scut Mk2 wrote:

I read PI fairly regularly, and I often feel that certain male posters when replying do so with the idea of gaining female approval rather than what they actually think..

Then you are projecting your own preconceptions/ limitations onto their posts. It may simply be that those posters have more awareness of the factors surrounding such issues.

Zulu

Getting a little off topic perhaps?

SarahSassy

sexlife99 wrote:

I have a girlfriend who i love, we bought a house together a few months ago.

Why the hell did you buy a house with her when you were this unhappy???? To be frank, it sounds like she doesnt fancy you....