Problem with country girlfriend

LegacyUser

Basically i am in my mid twenties a couple of months older than my girlfriend who is from basically the back arse of nowhere.

Heres the problem. She is not into anything remotely sexual.
What i mean is that if we go out for dinner or a night out and we live together so sex will be on the agenda when we get home, she wears big granny pants cos they are "comfy" which is fine but in 4 years shes always done this! Its driving me mental! Sometimes when we come home i'd like to taking off a thing or a pair of lacey things instead of a sail from a ship.

If we walk by la senza or anything and i say "look at the stuff the manequinn (sp?) has on thats really sexy" she says no its not its stupid now admittedly sometimes its stockings,suspenders and corset but most of the time its just a sexy bra and thong.

We've had this conversation many times and she always says "if you want me to wear that stuff then buy it for me" So off i went to a few places in town went to BT, ann summers, la senza, marks and spencer and spent about 250 euro on sexy underwear.

So that weekend she got home from work i had been home about an hour before her and did the romantic stuff candles food music etc.
After dinner i said theres a surprise up on the bed so she goes up and 5 mins later theres no sign of her. She spretty much rolling on the ground laughing "do you honestly think i am gonna wear that stuff" she says. I was very careful in choosing its not porno gear its just nice bra's etc. Obviously i cant return them.

Here idea of sexy underwear is size 14(shes not actually a size 14) PJ's cos there comfy. She dresses great when we go out but her idea of sexy underwear is irritating me now and so is unwillingness to actually try.

Am i chasing a lost cause here?

bombidol

TO be blatantly honest. The door would still be swinging id be out it that fast.

Conor108

Maybe you could get her a book about the birds and the bees?

00112984

Sounds like she's just not that into you. What have you done lately to kink things up for her?

Dudess

OP, I don't think the fact that she's from the country has anything to do with it. She's just not into "sexy" underwear and that's just her. I personally think g-strings look ridiculous also.
That said, I really like wearing nice lingerie, but I draw a line at g-strings. A "wider" thong is fine though. But I can't see the appeal of a bit of string up the arse. It just looks really silly. Maybe if you go for underwear that's a bit less "blatant". Say, a pair of knickers that's in between the granny-ish look and the dental floss look.

Glowing

How about getting her a cute silk camisole and matching shorts, something that's more sexy than PJ's but not as extreme as thongs and bras ..... she probably doesn't feel comfortable baring all in sexy gear esp if you're making such a big deal out of it.

vorbis

i'm not one to normally join the dump her crowd but this is a definite case!
She's never going to change. She didn't even wear the stuff you bought her even as a once off to please you. How much of a kick in the teeth is that?

Why have you been with her for 4 years?? I'd wager the sex is mainly missionary position as well.

Dudess

It's strange because I, and any friends I've talked to about it, LOVE wearing really nice lingerie. It makes us feel really good about ourselves.
Maybe it's a confidence thing?
As I said though, it doesn't necessarily have to be the whole lap-dancing paraphernalia. There is beautiful lingerie available that doesn't make you think "stripper" when you see it.

Papillon87

Hmm, does she have any issues with her self esteem at all? I'm guessing perhaps not, from the way you've said she dresses up nicely when going out and just laughs off the sexy stuff you've pointed out to her.

Have you asked her outright why she doesn't want to try something a little more feminine? I mean modern mechanics are a wonderful thing....lacy lingerie (apart from the g-string) isn't uncomfortable...there can be a happy medium between Bridget Jones' type pants and dental floss thongs...

Also, where she's from is irrelevant....

Tell her what a turn on it would be to see her wear something a little sexier

And, personally, though the nice underwear is obviously a deterrent for him, I don't see how her choice of underwear directly correlates to her being asexual! I'm still a virgin but I always wear lovely lingerie, maybe I'm missing a link!

dirtydress

I think you need to explain to her that this kinda stuff really turns you on and maybe ask her what she likes and maybe you could do a trade off?

I agree with Glowing though, start off small, a silky cami and shorts would be sexy for you and would ease her into that kinda stuff.

And again, her being from the country has NOTHING to do with it!!!

MojoMaker

Girl from back arse of nowhere = sheltered life? Little prior contact/experience with men? Strong traditional family influence?

Yes being from the country can be a serious factor in this kind of stuff. Apologies to country folk but ye're just not that worldly in the main

I even used a culchie word

Steyr

MojoMaker wrote:

Girl from back arse of nowhere = sheltered life? Little prior contact/experience with men? Strong traditional family influence?

Yes being from the country can be a serious factor in this kind of stuff. Apologies to country folk but ye're just not that worldly in the main

I even used a culchie word

Id agree a redneck background has alot to do with it.

Jesus Wept

country girls are mad for the pipe.

She is just an odd one, dump her, you should of ages ago.

johnplayerblue

God dam....Is there anything sexyer than a silky cami and shorts.

biko

Different strokes for different folks. If she was going to change for you she would have by now.

Heres the problem. She is not into anything remotely sexual.

She does not want to have sex or she does not want to wear skimpy nightdresses?

Hey, maybe you should ask her what turns her on and do that for her? Maybe then she'll come around?

PeakOutput

2 things

1. she would wana be an absolute cracker to put up with that ****

2. the sex besides the sexy underwear had wana be pretty damn good as well to let the clothing thing go

actually 3 things

3. would she not even do it to make you happy? my x would and i would for her(not the wearing of sexy womens underwear i swear:o ) there has to be a bit of give and take


i would dump her if for nothing else than for laughing hysterically at the not so small effort you put in buying them and setting up the night

karen3212

I always hated it when anyone bought me underware, even when my mother did it. I find it odd really that dressing her differently turns you on more. I guess it's a male thing. Anyway, do you think she might feel like you are trying to control her by pushing her to dress in a way that would suit you, does she try to dress you up? But perhaps you could ask her if she feels like an object when you ask her to wear things for you.

PeakOutput

karen3212 wrote:

I always hated it when anyone bought me underware, even when my mother did it. I find it odd really that dressing her differently turns you on more.

she told him to buy them

also it is completely common for guys to be turned on by certain types of clothing over others

jesus_thats_gre

MojoMaker wrote:

Girl from back arse of nowhere = sheltered life? Little prior contact/experience with men? Strong traditional family influence?

Yes being from the country can be a serious factor in this kind of stuff. Apologies to country folk but ye're just not that worldly in the main

I even used a culchie word

Completely agree.. That sorta background can manifest itself in two extreme ways. One is what the OP is experiencing with his gf. The other is that she becomes a complere stark raving nympho the minute the shackles of home are off.. Think of the nice catholic school girl who is secretly filthy and humping half the school

jesus_thats_gre

karen3212 wrote:

I always hated it when anyone bought me underware, even when my mother did it. I find it odd really that dressing her differently turns you on more. I guess it's a male thing. Anyway, do you think she might feel like you are trying to control her by pushing her to dress in a way that would suit you, does she try to dress you up? But perhaps you could ask her if she feels like an object when you ask her to wear things for you.

You find it odd yet half the female population near wet themselves when they see a good looking Garda or Fireman in uniform..

I always thought women were considerably more clued into this sorta thing than men but obviously not.

paulie.walnuts

Dude this needs to be nipped in the bud now because believe me it's only going to get worse as time goes by and she gets more "comfortable" in the relationship. She's going to have the green wellies on bed before you know what's hit you. It's more about a bit of effort than anything else, she's being intimate with you not mucking out the milking shed so needs to dress appropriately. As far as i can see you have gone more than far enough in making an effort so now it's her turn if she is serious about the relationship.
In short, you need to fix this problem and soon, best of luck with you.

Gumbyman

The heave-ho definitely. Worst part is that your next bird isn't going to want to wear the sexy underwear that belonged to your soon-to-be ex! OK maybe that's not the WORST part but it is still pretty annoying.

Marksie

OP: It was somewhat inconsiderate of her to act in such a fashion when you had gone to so much trouble.

As others have said, there may very well be some issue with how she percieves sex and sexuality.
TBH when i saw the comment about her not being into anything remotely sexual I was expecting an issue as regards her lack of interest or aversion to sex.

Not whether she was or was not comfortable with lingerie. There is nowhere in the post where you indicate that she doesnt have sex with you.

One thing i was looking at that stuck out was "sex was on the agenda". Your, hers or both? It may have been a throwaway comment, but maybe you have expectations and she doesn't and he nightwear is a little means of cooling the ardour. Or simple she feels really comfortable wearing them and just cannot see your point of view, whihc is really a communication issue.
Of course,if a partner wanted me to dress in a particular way occasionally for them, i would.

Thats something for the two of you to actually talk openly about. Then you may find out where she is coming from.

I agree that dressing up can be very exciting as part of a realtionship, it can set the scene. But dump someone because they won't wear a few feet of lace? Get real.

Interestingly she does like getting dressed up formally.

I view something like underwear in this fashion:
Its like a marsbar wrapper. It brings on the anticipation and heightens the senses. BUT what is really important, what is the real desire is whats underneath.

One question OP: how did you react when she laughed at what you had bought? Badly or did you laugh as well and say yes, but you would love to see her in it, or did you let it go?.

LegacyUser

Hi all, thanks for the feedback. I should add that her family is pretty catholic so she goes to mass every sunday. We do have sex but its not that frequent but its enjoyable when we do have it. Oddly enough we have watched porn together. I think she has a good body but i think she thinks she'll look ridiculous in the type of underwear i want her to wear.

Marksie

dubman82 wrote:

Hi all, thanks for the feedback. I should add that her family is pretty catholic so she goes to mass every sunday. We do have sex but its not that frequent but its enjoyable when we do have it. Oddly enough we have watched porn together. I think she has a good body but i think she thinks she'll look ridiculous in the type of underwear i want her to wear.

OK, so in fact she is sexual.

Change the want to I would like because it would turn you on amd make it all that little bit better for both and see wherer you get

just a change of emphasis

Papergirl 1

I think the fact that she is from the country is irrelevant. I'd say she is just one of a kind. I'm sure you might find an odd girl or two from here in a pair of granny knickers?! Might have to do with her upbringing or that she is self-conscious?

Maple

Don't think being from the country has anything to do with it tbh. not if she's watching porn. Could be that she's just not comfortable in herself and will think that she'll look hideous in this sexy underwear. could only suggest that you keep telling her how fantastic she is, how sexy you find her etc. Just build up her confidence. Just tell her how much you'd like her to put on this underwear and when she does do it again just tell her how sexy she is, how much of a turn on you find her etc etc.

Femelade

eh...what has her being from the country got to do with it? I'm from the country..and i do like to wear sexy underwear on occasion, not all the time cos yeah , sometimes comfort is more important..
She just doesnt feel comfortable in the sexy underwear...there's no point forcing the issue..

busted flush

dubman82 wrote:

We do have sex but its not that frequent but its enjoyable when we do have it. Oddly enough we have watched porn together.

what did ye watch? il bet it was animal farm that would get de auld country girls wet as water!

LegacyUser

Could you take her shopping with you so you can choose some lingerie together? She's a lot more likely to wear something she's chosen herself.

I love wearing sexy lingerie but to be honest, I don't think I'd be delighted if my boyfriend arrived home with loads of stuff he'd chosen on his own.

If you take her with you you can make sure you get the right size, and something she's comfortable wearing. Maybe the things you got before weren't to her taste, or didn't fit properly - bras especially I would never buy without trying on.

Marksie

Busted Flush: take time to read the charter as regards off topic, unhelpful posting

muppetkiller

maple wrote:

Don't think being from the country has anything to do with it tbh. not if she's watching porn. Could be that she's just not comfortable in herself and will think that she'll look hideous in this sexy underwear. could only suggest that you keep telling her how fantastic she is, how sexy you find her etc. Just build up her confidence. Just tell her how much you'd like her to put on this underwear and when she does do it again just tell her how sexy she is, how much of a turn on you find her etc etc.

Actually I think the opposite is true here .She's just too comfortable with herself. Why don't turn up for bed the next day in a pair of old Pj's and slippers like your Dad would wear. See if she finds you sexy then.

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4

dubman82 wrote:

Sometimes when we come home i'd like to taking off a thing or a pair of lacey things instead of a sail from a ship.

well said!

Wibbs

I've found that it's much an Irish thing in some ways. With regard to thongs especially. Most latin/eastern european women I've known would wear thongs for comfort. Well that's how they explained it to me anyway.:D They also would have worn more "sexy" stuff on an everyday basis, not just for "special" occasions. I also found they would pay more attention to the whole body grooming thing(esp French). they were more attentive to the appearance of themselves sexually, not just the above the neck makeup. Far more would have been regularly waxed compared to Irish women etc. Now that seems to be changing and I understand it is a massive generalisation, but that's what I found anyway. Maybe it's the sunnier weather overseas. Maybe it's the whole Catholic guilt thing(though the French, Spanish and Italians are catholics). Hard to say.

I think for the OP some communication is in order to get to the bottom(as it were) of this. Why does she not like this stuff? It could just be she simply doesn't.

Rb

Starve her of sex for a while, when she comes around say you're not feeling up to it or don't feel like it in general that night, then when she falls asleep, let her "accidentally" wake up to you masturbating over dirty images of women in sexy lingerie.

That should mess her up enough to get her to put the effort in.

Niamho!

Yeah my first reaction was thinking maybe she was a bit Body paranoid or something but its a bit late for that if you live together....
Comfort and all is fair enough but all she has to do is slip them on and lets face it they're not gonna be on long....lol.

its a tough one really....there has to be something deeper...it has to be her self-esteem or whatever..... I'd like to know is shr normally a confident girl, and does she like to get dolled up going on a night out or whatever?
...its a bit odd.

she must realise your patience is wearing thin...

jtsuited

put your foot down or get out. Seriously. THere is no practical way of getting around this other than telling her out flat what the problem is.

ponderer

Firstly, the country is not the back of arse of nowhere! Who cares if some people dont live in a busy noisy smog pollution filled city. if you have been to the country you will find its nice and quiet and peaceful and has a lot to offer oh and yes i have lived in the city and in the country!!!

Secondly, buying her 'sexy' underwear shows that you care more about what she wears and how she looks than anything else. noone wonder she fell around laughing when she saw it! if she wants sex she will have it when she is ready. sex is not the end of the world.

Wibbs

ponderer wrote:

Firstly, the country is not the back of arse of nowhere!

Ahh the back arse of nowhere. That takes me back. Went on a day trip once. Lovely place, brought a packed lunch and a rug and a couple bottles of minerals. My sylvan reverie was only disturbed by the distant muffled shout of "squeal like a pig".......

Secondly, buying her 'sexy' underwear shows that you care more about what she wears and how she looks than anything else.

No it's possible he likes the way she looks and what she wears as well as other things. This isn't the 1950's, he and she are allowed to think of both, you know.

if she wants sex she will have it when she is ready.

When she is ready? That sounds like she may have to work herself up to it. Shades of "brace yourself Bridget" spring inexorably to mind.

sex is not the end of the world.

I have to say good sex with someone with whom you have a deep intimacy with is pretty damn close.

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4

you might have to take her back to...................school!!
http://web.archive.org/web/20040113194638/spinaltap.streameasy.com/bitchschool.mp3

event

MojoMaker wrote:

Girl from back arse of nowhere = sheltered life? Little prior contact/experience with men? Strong traditional family influence?

Yes being from the country can be a serious factor in this kind of stuff. Apologies to country folk but ye're just not that worldly in the main

I even used a culchie word

yeah thats it:rolleyes:

JCDUB

I agree wholeheartedly with MojoMaker, she's been well and truly countrified, you can take the girl out of the country......

She has to go dude, four years and not one outing of a bit of lingerie, good night Vienna.......

Sleepy

I agree with the starve her of sex comment. See how long it takes for her to initiate things because from what I'm reading, it's something she doesn't see as important in a relationship. For me, that would mean the door tbh.

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4

JCDUB wrote:

I agree wholeheartedly with MojoMaker, she's been well and truly countrified, you can take the girl out of the country......

She has to go dude, four years and not one outing of a bit of lingerie, good night Vienna.......

ive gone out with a few girls from the country, none have been like her. quite the opposite infact

tinkerbell

If she thinks it's ridiculous what you expect her to wear, then what actually did you buy her that time you spent €250?? Crotchless knickers or something?!

Start off with buying her some hot little boy shorts in La Senza, they had an offer on there recently 5 for €15 or something, real cute and sexy and they lift up the butt something noice! Plus they don't look ridiculous, they are really comfy and they look hot.

Peyton Manning

With regards to the sexy underwear, all you have to do is tell her one thing.

"well, one of us is gonna wear them, so make your choice"

Raskolnikov

dubman82 wrote:

We've had this conversation many times and she always says "if you want me to wear that stuff then buy it for me" So off i went to a few places in town went to BT, ann summers, la senza, marks and spencer and spent about 250 euro on sexy underwear.

That's terrible. You made a big effort for her and she pretty much just threw it back into your face.

biko

For me this is far more sexier than any lacy blah

It's not the wrapping that counts, it's the present inside

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

bombidol wrote:

TO be blatantly honest. The door would still be swinging id be out it that fast.

yep have to agree, and this should be yer most adventventures times...
fcuk man when ye get married and have kids......:eek:

na if she not into it, get out of it.

demanufactured

jaysus lol , she needs to be shown the world ,and the door.

corklady

MojoMaker wrote:

Girl from back arse of nowhere = sheltered life? Little prior contact/experience with men? Strong traditional family influence?

Yes being from the country can be a serious factor in this kind of stuff. Apologies to country folk but ye're just not that worldly in the main

I even used a culchie word

I'm not from the country, but it is my experience that country girls are much more promiscuous than city girls so i think this statement is way off the mark and obviously coming from a Dub.
There are girls everywhere that feel ridiculous wearing **** like that.

And back to the topic of the thread .... ok you want her to wear sexy underwear, but what do you do for her? and do you not find her sexy if she's not wearing sexy underwear? how about when she has nothing at all on? maybe she just feels like a clown wearing that kind of stuff and isn't confident enough in herself to wear it. the fact that she dresses well going places has nothing to do with how comfortable she is in sexy underwear!!!

By the way, if by boyfriend bought me underwear cos HE wanted me to wear it and not cos I wanted to wear it, i'd pretty much ban him from the bedroom until some serious apologising was done!!!!