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Bad joke competition.....

Colonel Sanders · 2007-07-18 20:35:44

I'll start the ball rolling: What did the horse say to the jockey with no legs? How ya getting on! Anyone do better (worse?)?

18-07-2007 8:35pm

#1

Colonel Sanders

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I'll start the ball rolling:

What did the horse say to the jockey with no legs?
How ya getting on!

Anyone do better (worse?)?

0

Comments

#2 18-07-2007 8:36pm

aidan_walsh

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Yore Ma.

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#3 18-07-2007 8:41pm

Colonel Sanders

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aidan_walsh wrote:

Yore Ma.

now that that unpleasantness (and entirely predictable response) is behind us lets move on

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#4 18-07-2007 8:42pm

Gran Hermano

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Yore Gran

(Just to prove Boards ain't ageist)

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#5 18-07-2007 8:50pm

Tha Gopher

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Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?

For drizzle

Yep, the blue coat, that one there.......

0
#6 18-07-2007 8:53pm

bronte

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Did you hear about the wooden car, with wooden tyres, a wooden engine and a wooden steering wheel???

It wooden work

(Exits quickly)

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#7 18-07-2007 8:53pm

Colonel Sanders

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bronte wrote:

Did you hear about the wooden car, with wooden tyres, a wooden engine and a wooden steering wheel???

It wooden work

(Exits quickly)

quality!!

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#8 18-07-2007 8:55pm

The Bollox

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bronte wrote:

Did you hear about the wooden car, with wooden tyres, a wooden engine and a wooden steering wheel???

It wooden work

(Exits quickly)

LOL!

0
#9 18-07-2007 8:55pm

bronte

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Thank you!

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#10 18-07-2007 9:00pm

The Bollox

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I read this on Boards a while back, so I don't take the credit, but here goes:

did you hear about the man who walked into a bar?

he's an alcoholic and it's ruining his family

0
#11 18-07-2007 9:02pm

little miss

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I once told this joke on tv when I was seven and thought it was hilarious...

Why did the chicken cross the road, and the bounce right back?

Because it had a piece of chewing gum stuck to its foot.

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#12 18-07-2007 9:03pm

Capt'n Midnight

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Exhibit A
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=97460&page=3

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#13 18-07-2007 9:12pm

Kazooie

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The Bollox wrote:

I read this on Boards a while back, so I don't take the credit, but here goes:

did you hear about the man who walked into a bar?

Brilliant I lovethose German jokes.
Girl in work said this one recently: Whats Mr T's favourite yogourt?
*Said really fast - petit folous.

Probably heard it before but: What will they call Postman Pat when he retires?

Pat

he's an alcoholic and it's ruining his family

Brilliant I love those German jokes.
Girl in work said this one recently: Whats Mr T's favourite yogourt?
*Said really fast - petit folous.
I was to say the least, embarresed for her.

Probably heard it before but: What will they call Postman Pat when he retires?

Pat

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#14 18-07-2007 9:16pm

Colonel Sanders

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what do you call a bear with no ears?
B

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#15 18-07-2007 9:17pm

Dudess

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My fave is a golden oldie: Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cos 7 8 9.

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#16 18-07-2007 9:19pm

RefulgentGnomon

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Shouldn't this be in Humour.

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#17 18-07-2007 9:19pm

Healio

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McDonalds have introduced a new burger called the flamin McMuslim but it is only available at the Glasgow drive thru !

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#18 18-07-2007 9:22pm

Anto McC

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Whats black and white and goes boo?
A cow with no lips.

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk

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#19 18-07-2007 9:30pm

Piste

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Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
Gross incompetence and stealing.

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#20 18-07-2007 9:35pm

RefulgentGnomon

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My dog Minton ate a shuttlecock. Bad Minton.

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#21 18-07-2007 9:37pm

The Bollox

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what do astronauts and cavemen have in common?

nothing.

oh I hear my taxi *runs*

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#22 18-07-2007 9:38pm

Colonel Sanders

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how many communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2. one to screw in the lihjtbulb, the other to hand out leaflets

how many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2, the hard parts getting them into a lightbulb

0
#23 18-07-2007 9:38pm

Karoma

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Moved from AH (No need to thank me.)

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#24 18-07-2007 9:38pm

MooseJam

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why did the fly fly , cause the spider spied her

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#25 18-07-2007 9:39pm

biko

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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

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#26 18-07-2007 9:39pm

_blank_

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Where do cows go on holidays?

Moo York

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#27 18-07-2007 9:42pm

SuperSean11

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Who invented camping?

Henry the 10th:D

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#28 18-07-2007 9:43pm

Teamhar

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A priest, a postman, a salesman, an Englishman, an Irishman, a frog, a one-man-band, a pair of conjoined twins and a palm tree all walk into a bar...

Barman says...

"Is this some kind of joke?"

Hey, you said you wanted bad ones!

0
#29 18-07-2007 9:47pm

Photi

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It's a dark and foggy night and a man is walking down a street.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP ... behind him.

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

faster...

faster...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything,
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and,

The coffin stops

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#30 18-07-2007 9:47pm

GrumPy

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Whats the difference between a snowman, and Michael Jackson?

A snowman is made of snow, and Michael Jackson ****s kids.

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#31 18-07-2007 9:48pm

giddyup

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a personal favourite from wikipedia....

Q: How many (members of a given demographic group) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 'N+1 (where N is a positive whole number)' — one to hold the light bulb and N to behave in a fashion generally associated with a negative stereotype of that group.

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#32 18-07-2007 9:55pm

Thrill

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One bad joke coming right up....

Knock, knock

"Whos there?"

"Annette"

"Annette who?"

"Annette is used for fishing."

0
#33 18-07-2007 11:27pm

legspin

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I recently went for an interview as a contortionist at a circus, and I was asked how flexible was I.
'I can't do wenesdays' I said.

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#34 18-07-2007 11:31pm

Capt'n Midnight

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*blows the dust off*

did you hear about the magic traffic ?
it turned into a field.

0
#35 19-07-2007 8:22am

Mahatma coat

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Long and probably not worth it, but here goes
(I believe this was originaly translated from Flemish)

A Labrador walks int the Telegram office in Bruge, goes up to the counter, slaps ten Euro down on the counter, looks up at the telegram operator and says

" Hi, I'd like to send a telegram to my friend the Doberman in the Oslo office please"

Guy behind the counter is a little taken aback, its not everyday a LAbrador walks in and asks to send a telegram.

but he does have the required ten Euro and he knows where he wants to send the message, so the operator thinks

Fine I'll go along with this.

so he asks the dog what the message is.

Dog says

"Woof, Woof Woofwoof woof. Woof woof, Woof. Woof."

Guy reads it back to the dog and says

Eh theres only nine Woofs there, did you know that for the same price you could send ten?

Labrador looks up at the operator and says

Yeah, But it wouldnt make any Feckin sense!

0
#36 19-07-2007 8:26am

The Bollox

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did you hear about the farmer who won a Nobel Peace Prize?

he was simply outstanding in his field

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#37 19-07-2007 8:59am

Gary ITR

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Did you hear about the man with no legs?

He was still arsing around

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#38 19-07-2007 9:54am

FrCrilly

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Why can’t you leave headache pills on the floor of the jungle?

Because parrots eat ‘em all.

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#39 19-07-2007 10:00am

FrCrilly

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What’s the difference between a horse shoe blacksmith and a tailor?

One tends mares, the other mends tears.

(Good old Whizzer and Chips).

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#40 19-07-2007 10:25am

Oliverdog

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little miss wrote:

I once told this joke on tv when I was seven and thought it was hilarious...

Why did the chicken cross the road, and the bounce right back?

Because it had a piece of chewing gum stuck to its foot.

And how has your TV career progressed since?:)

0
#41 19-07-2007 12:10pm

Colonel Sanders

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what do you cann a man with no arms?

sh!tty arse

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#42 19-07-2007 5:57pm

SuperSean11

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Why cant Timmy Ride a bike?

Cause hes a piece of toast

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#43 19-07-2007 6:40pm

coin

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A mushroom walks into a bar

He goes to the bartender and ask for a drink

The bartender says "I can't"

The mushroom ask why

Bartender says "Cuz your a mushroom"

Mushroom says "come on I'm a Fungi"

GET IT!?!?!?!!? Fun guy?

0
#44 19-07-2007 6:48pm

SprostonGreen

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Michael Owen is in a bar and goes up to a girl and says "Get your coat love, you've pulled"

Girl says: "You're a little forward, arent you?"

0
#45 19-07-2007 9:15pm

looder

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Larry Gogan: "And who would you like to play the request for?"
Caller: "Meself"
Larry Gogan: "Any particular reason?"
Caller: "I got me first job yesterday"
Larry Gogan: "Oh, that's nice, what was the job?"
Caller: "A blowjob!"

0
#46 19-07-2007 9:19pm

Call Me Jimmy

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Dudess wrote:

My fave is a golden oldie: Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cos 7 8 9.

The DCU jacks version is better:

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cos 7 raped 6's mother

0
#47 20-07-2007 8:41am

Enright

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What do you call a three legged donkey?

A wonky

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#48 20-07-2007 8:42am

Enright

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What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip

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#49 20-07-2007 8:43am

Enright

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Did you hear about the sexy egg?

He went around with his yoke hanging out!

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#50 20-07-2007 8:47am

baztard

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Enright wrote:

What do you call a three legged donkey?

A wonky

What do you call a three legged, one eyed donkey?

A winky wonky.

0
#51 20-07-2007 8:49am

baztard

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baztard wrote:

What do you call a three legged, one eyed donkey?

A winky wonky.

What do you call a three legged, one eyed donkey with a guitar?

A winky wonky honky tonky donkey.

0
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