Girlfriends weight

LegacyUser

I know this has been posted about on boards before but I just want to see if anyone can give some advice.

I've been going out with my GF now for 4 years and love her very much, we met at 16.
The problem is as shallow as it sounds is that when we met she was a size 10, she steadily put on weight over the 4years, now she's a size 14. For the last year its been bothering me, I'm not as sexually attracted to her.
I've mentioned that Id prefer if she looked after herself a bit more but she doesn't take heed.
She's knows Id prefer if she lost weight but she puts in no effort at all.
I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying that its affecting me but I don't know what else there is to do.
I understand that from the age of 16 to 20 there's a lot of growth but her natural size would probably be a 10-12.
By the way she isn't into running and exercise and has a sweet tooth, ive tried to stop from eating crap but no luck. She just doesnt listen.

Thanks for any advice!

biko

Try to come up with stuff you can do together, badminton, hillwalking, golf. If you do them together she's not as inclined to feel made to exercise.
Does anyone else you know do sports? The more the merrier...

heyjude

unreggy wrote:

I'm not as sexually attracted to her......
I've mentioned that Id prefer if she looked after herself a bit more but she doesn't take heed.

She's knows Id prefer if she lost weight but she puts in no effort at all......

By the way she isn't into running and exercise and has a sweet tooth, ive tried to stop from eating crap but no luck. She just doesnt listen.

Thanks for any advice!

I think you pretty much already know the answer.

From what you say she doesn't seem interested in losing weight, so given that she will possibly put on even more weight, if you are no longer attracted to her and she isn't inclined to change as your GF(not talking about the relationship going further), then the relationship is probably coming to an end.

Only you can answer as to whether you can you get over the weight issue or whether its dominating your relationship now ? If it is dominating the relationship from your point of view, then its probably over as change seems unlikely. If you can see your GF as a whole though, maybe she has enough other attributes such a personality/friendship which can keep the relationship alive.

LundiMardi

OP, i'm curious what your GF thinks about her weight? Does she complain about it? Or is she happy with herself? I think the answer to that question will tell you which direction to take in your approach to the subject. ie, if she's happy then there's not a lot you can do about it. If she's not happy, then it would seem she needs a slight kick up the jacksie:)

LegacyUser

That's the problem, she thinks of herself as "normal" like we'd be talking to a girl that lets say a size 10 or 10-12 and Id say afterwards oh she's pretty skinny and she'd go "no she's like me, normal" Its as if she doesn't see what I see.

Heyjude I appreciate your response, but I have to say the relationship ending is out of the question, we are both madly in love with each other. I wouldn't break up with her for her being overweight!! I'm still attracted to her and the sex is good, I'm just not AS attracted to her and this is making me subconsciously unhappy with the relationship.

G&T

Is she on the pill,
What body shape does her mother/sisters have.

There is really nothing you can do to change her,
if she is happy with the way she look's then you have to accept it or move on to slimmer pastures.

Part of me think's it's a bit shallow tbh but I think from reading the post
you dont like her lifestyle either and that would bother me more than the weight.
Looking to the future she is likely to get heavier if she does no exercise,eat's rubbish and has babies.

Cake Fiend

unreggy wrote:

as shallow as it sounds

Shallow my hole. There's nothing wrong with placing importance on physical attributes - the vast majority of people do, whether they admit it or not.

LegacyUser

last post didnt come up yet for some reason here it is:

That's the problem, she thinks of herself as "normal" like we'd be talking to a girl that lets say a size 10 or 10-12 and Id say afterwards oh she's pretty skinny and she'd go "no she's like me, normal" Its as if she doesn't see what I see.

And yes she is on the pill

LegacyUser

One night drunk, my ex brought something up that bothered me about myself and i turn around and told her "do i ever tell you to put the f%cking fork down??" needles to say she lost some weight but was a total witch so i dumped her now skinny ass!!

But what i should of done was just joined something active that you can do together or have lots + lots of steamy sex!!!

Marksie

Unreggy: unregistered posts have to be approved by a moderator before they appear.
Unfortunately the hardware downlaoding boards directly into our cerebral cortex is in the mail.

LegacyUser

Id be interested on any girls views on the matter?

and for her mother shes overweight, but she would have been of avg. weight when she was younger. Her brothers fat.

G&T

Unreggy wrote:

And yes she is on the pill

That could be the problem,
I gained weight on the pill and when I came off it my weight went back to normal.

What came first with your gf the weight or the pill.

Talliesin

unreggy wrote:

now she's a size 14

unreggy wrote:

but her natural size would probably be a 10-12.

Why would she be under the average size, what reason do you have for feeling her natural size would be smaller than the normal size?

Smellyirishman

Talliesin wrote:

Why would she be under the average size, what reason do you have for feeling her natural size would be smaller than the normal size?

Because he has seen her at both and thinks she looked better at the smaller size? Average/normal != all. (I realise that just because he thinks so, does not make it so, but I think he is in a position to tell.)

OP, if she is happy with her appearance, it's love it or leave it.

Talliesin

He might well have a good reason for thinking she'd be naturally below the average. Or he might not. Exactly why I'm asking him.

girloperfection

Suggest that you both join a gym together to keep fit and maybe start a healthy eating plan.
I also put on a bit of weight since i went on the pill but i have joined the gym now and i try to eat healthier, i have one treat day a week where i have chinese or chocolate or whatever.
To be honest if you love her it shouldnt matter that she has put on a bit of weight. It happens when girls are in love!!!

LegacyUser

Talliesin wrote:

Why would she be under the average size, what reason do you have for feeling her natural size would be smaller than the normal size?

I see how that came across wrong. Let just say with her bone structure/size she could be an 8-10, her healthy weight for her size would be a 10-12, but now she's a 14 and overweight.

"OP, if she is happy with her appearance, it's love it or leave it."
I understand this but I'm not happy with it, and I'm not going to leave her.

Is there any nice way to tell a girl get up off her ass and lose some weight?

I think a problem might be that I haven't emphasised that it bothers me as much as it does, but I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying it.

As I said before she's not into gyms so thats out of the question.

I need to make her want to lose weight!

Seraphina

girloperfection wrote:

To be honest if you love her it shouldnt matter that she has put on a bit of weight. It happens when girls are in love!!!

no it doesn't, it happens when girls become settled and lazy and eat too much crap without exercising.

girloperfection he's ****in 20! he doesn't need his gf jumping 2 dress sizes already, they're quite young, irrespective of whether he's in love with her or not, he shouldn't have to write off physical attraction so young! what happens a few years down the line if she continues to grow in size slowly. all of a sudden she realises she's way overweight, and its gonna take years to loose it all again in a healthy sustainable manner.

OP she's obviously let herself go, and with a bf of 4 years, she probably sees no reason to lose the weight because you haven't voiced the fact that you're starting to find her less attractive.

Oryx

First off, hooray for her. Id much rather hear about a girl who is happy in her skin (of whatever size) than one who has issues over her body image. That is not a happy place to be, and imo a harder problem to overcome in a relationship.

BUT. What to do here.:D If your gf is well balanced and happy, please dont mess up her head and make her think shes not good enough. Ideally, you should both go on a health kick together, not so much to loose weight but to be fit and healthy. If she develops a figure youd die for, great, if not, well youllve been doing new things together!

Lead by example, we do pick up habits from the people closest to us, and if youre doing your bit, hopefully she will want to as well. Ye sound like a close couple who would enjoy doing stuff together anyway.

Plateau

It's great that she's happy with herself. But, if she is letting herself go consciously or subconsciously because she has a boyfriend of 4 years then she needs a kick up the arse.

It's amazing how well women look a few weeks/months after the end of a long term relationship, when they have to up their game! It's pure lazy and selfish to let yourself go in a relationship unless the other person is doing the same and you don't mind you both turning into two well fed, poorly exercised slobs.

Dudess

girloperfection wrote:

To be honest if you love her it shouldnt matter that she has put on a bit of weight.

Oh if only it were that simple. It clearly does matter to the OP that she has put on a bit of weight. He still loves her and cares about her, but he's finding himself becoming a bit less attracted to her physically, which is of course important to a relationship.

It happens when girls are in love!!!

I know what you mean. When we're contented in a relationship we can often get stuck in a happy rut.

smiley666

I’m 34, a lot older than the Op’s girlfriend and am therefore possibly more open to suggestion then her but I’ve never had a problem accepting comments negative or positive from people. Including my ex husband. In fact if it wasn’t for him I’d possibly have turned into one of those well fed poorly exercised slobs that have been mentioned previously. And I would most certainly have regretted it had it happened.

I’m quite tall, size 12 but have occasionally allowed myself to ‘stretch’ to a 14. Particularly for a while after each child was born. For me it was never a big deal having my husband suggest I lose some weight. In fact I appreciated his honesty and was glad that he would tell me before I left things go too far. But that very much depends on the person.

You’ve already told her you’d prefer if she lost weight and exercised a bit more. She hasn’t taken any heed and makes no effort at all. For that reason she doesn’t sound to me like somebody who would fall apart at the seams if you were honest with her.

You say you need to make her want to lose weight. Then tell her how you really feel.

If I was going out with someone for four years and they told me they were becoming less attracted to me because of my weight I would certainly make an effort to change it…. Assuming I wanted to hold on to them.

Op, being less attracted to someone does not imply you love them less. And you shouldn’t feel guilty because of this.

If you do decide to be honest with her be very sensitive about it. Choose your words carefully and you’ll be less likely to hurt her feelings. Explain that although you love her and see your future with her regardless of what she weights, that you are not AS attracted to her as you used to be. Offer to do things together that would encourage the weight loss. It may work.

As I said, it all depends on the person though. On the other hand she may take offence and tell you what to go and do with yourself!!!! Are you prepared to take that chance?

daiixi

Smellyirishman wrote:

Because he has seen her at both and thinks she looked better at the smaller size? Average/normal != all. (I realise that just because he thinks so, does not make it so, but I think he is in a position to tell.)

Men and women continue to grow from the ages of 16 and 20. So basically you're saying she probably looked better halfway through puberty than she does as a woman. Fabulous.
OP: If your gf has no issue with her weight yet you do, then maybe you should walk.

McGinty

I need to make her want to lose weight!

I have noticed that most of the replies are in support of the op's problem, I have a huge problem with the above statement, when exactly did people lose the right to self autonomy. Op your girlfriend's body belongs to her - period. It is her body to get fat in, get thin in etc. You have no right to 'make her lose weight' in the same way no woman has the right to make her boyfriend/husband shave, wear certain clothes, lose weight, etc.

You can say you have difficulty with the fact she is gaining weight but you have no right to control her or tell her she must be a size 10 just to suit you.

I may be with someone who's dress sense I don't like but I would never demand that they change their style.

There is far too much interference from people telling others how to live their lives, and I find it infuriating.

isolde

Is there any nice way to tell a girl get up off her ass and lose some weight?

I need to make her want to lose weight!

Hey,
I see where you're coming from, but honestly, she has to want it for herself. A lot of girls do gain weight in a long term relationship, but it all depends how complacent you get.

You can know you're overweight and still not do anything about it. You have to have the desire to do it to feel better about yourself, otherwise it probably won't work.
I really dont know how you can tell her without hurting her feelings. But if you do manage to have that chat, I would recommend Weightwatchers since she is not really into exercise - she would lose the weight in no time and feel fab again.

ali.c

Honestly if your gf had an issue with her weight i would have some time for you. As she is perfectly happy and confident at her weight then I suggest leaving it, if it becomes a problem for her then you can offer helpful supportive advice. But if she doesnt see a problem with her weight, you suggesting she go to weight watchers will likely be interpretted as a put down.

PeakOutput

Unreggy wrote:

Id say afterwards oh she's pretty skinny and she'd go "no she's like me, normal" Its as if she doesn't see what I see.
.

i dont know why but i find that hilarious..............im sure there is a name for that and maybe its why there are so many beasts around town(male and female)

*not accusing your girlfriend of being a beast obviously*

Honestly if your gf had an issue with her weight i would have some time for you. As she is perfectly happy and confident at her weight then I suggest leaving it, if it becomes a problem for her then you can offer helpful supportive advice. But if she doesnt see a problem with her weight, you suggesting she go to weight watchers will likely be interpretted as a put down.

the point is that regardless of weather she has a problem with it or not HE DOES so maybe if he knew his feelings she would then change her opinion and snap out of whatever cloud her head is in. im sure it will hurt for her to her it but at the end of the day 14stone is not healthy so in the long term losing weight will do her good

PeakOutput

McGinty wrote:

You have no right to 'make her lose weight'

even though you quoted him yourself you then misquoted him in your statement to suit yourself

he did not say he wants to make her lose weight(although that is his ultimate goal) he wants to maker HER WANT TO lose weight there is a big difference. she is bordering on unhealthy and probably obese depending on her height. her losing weight is a good thing for everyone especially her.

Duckjob

ali.c wrote:

Honestly if your gf had an issue with her weight i would have some time for you. As she is perfectly happy and confident at her weight then I suggest leaving it, if it becomes a problem for her then you can offer helpful supportive advice. But if she doesnt see a problem with her weight, you suggesting she go to weight watchers will likely be interpretted as a put down.

Right, so you want to ignore an emerging problem in the relationship. Sweep it under the carpet and hope it goes away?

It is a problem for the OP, which means it is a problem for the relationship. He is less attracted to his girlfriend.

Ok, lets suppose the OP says nothing and fast-forward a few years to a possible scenario:

his g/f has now ballooned to 19st. Although he tells her he loves her, she wonders if he means it because he never initiates intimacy anymore. She begins to get more and more caught up in self-doubt, especially when she catches him eyeing slimmer girls, of which there are an awful lot around.

For his part, he does love her, but never feels like getting intimate with her anymore. When he does see her naked he feels nothing except possibly slight revulsion and growing resentment that she let herself become this way. He can no longer reconcile her with the attractive vibrant and confident girl that once set his heart racing.

Because the sex and intimacy in their relationship has all but died, they start to lose their bond of closeness and start to grate on each other. The bitching and rowing intensifies until they begin to wonder what they ever saw in each other. Bit by painful bit, the joy of being with each other evaporates.

Does this sound healthy?
Does it sound avoidable?

Honestly I cant get my head around how people think a problem should be ignored because it is about the 'subject that must not be discussed'. I also shudder to think how many promising relationships have crashed and burned after playing out the scenario above.

chump

unreggy wrote:

I know this has been posted about on boards before but I just want to see if anyone can give some advice.

I've been going out with my GF now for 4 years and love her very much, we met at 16.
The problem is as shallow as it sounds is that when we met she was a size 10, she steadily put on weight over the 4years, now she's a size 14. For the last year its been bothering me, I'm not as sexually attracted to her.
I've mentioned that Id prefer if she looked after herself a bit more but she doesn't take heed.
She's knows Id prefer if she lost weight but she puts in no effort at all.
I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying that its affecting me but I don't know what else there is to do.
I understand that from the age of 16 to 20 there's a lot of growth but her natural size would probably be a 10-12.
By the way she isn't into running and exercise and has a sweet tooth, ive tried to stop from eating crap but no luck. She just doesnt listen.

Thanks for any advice!

It's time to end it I'm afraid.
You're no longer sexually attracted to her, and you're 20? years old. What's the point?

I'm afraid you have to grow the balls to end it and move on. No doubt you still have feelings for her, but there's no point dragging out the inevitable.

wingnut

chump wrote:

It's time to end it I'm afraid.
You're no longer sexually attracted to her, and you're 20? years old. What's the point?

I'm afraid you have to grow the balls to end it and move on. No doubt you still have feelings for her, but there's no point dragging out the inevitable.

He said not AS sexually attracted to her. The relationship is worth working on, you seem to dismiss it out of hand.

Try going off the pill on to something like Implanon, its a lot better than the pill.

sweet-rasmus

tbh i wouldn't suggest you go mad about the gym. i would however suggest you do watch you can; learn to cook some healthy meals. include salads and plenty water in your diet. even when she is not around you, try to eat this way. it is a step to the healthier side, without being all-in with the effort.
and you guys could try to walk together more ofter; not necessarily on a hike; even around the town. just work the healthier routine into your lives.

and as said before; the pill will put weight on a girl, thats for sure.

microgirl

PeakOutput wrote:

the point is that regardless of weather she has a problem with it or not HE DOES so maybe if he knew his feelings she would then change her opinion and snap out of whatever cloud her head is in. im sure it will hurt for her to her it but at the end of the day 14stone is not healthy so in the long term losing weight will do her good

Ehhhh, he said she's a *size* 14, not 14 stone. A size 14 is probably about 10 stone (taking myself as an example). It could be a bit more or less depending on body shape (or on whether she's a "real" size 14 or just fitting into size 14 clothes but should really be wearing a 16)

Don't really have any advice or suggestions for the OP - all flavours of opinion have already been aired

PeakOutput

microgirl wrote:

Ehhhh, he said she's a *size* 14, not 14 stone. A size 14 is probably about 10 stone (taking myself as an example). It could be a bit more or less depending on body shape (or on whether she's a "real" size 14 or just fitting into size 14 clothes but should really be wearing a 16)

Don't really have any advice or suggestions for the OP - all flavours of opinion have already been aired

so he did and i even knew that as i google imaged size 14 :rolleyes: dont knwo why i suddenly switched to stone.............

most of what i said i still feel stands and sorry if i confused anyone

bored and tired

It seems to me, that the op has a problem with his gf being a size 14 and having a sweet tooth, as well as having a magic skinny mirror at home.

My sister is the same and has gone from size 6 yes a bloody 6 to size 14-16 in the space of 3 years.

I feel for the op as he has feelings for his gf just as i have for my sis, i am not worried that she is the weight she is as she is happy in her skin at present.

i think the problem they both have is the sweet tooth which will one day mean that they will both be more overweight and op and i will be worrying about their health. The best thing i can recommend from experience is to avoid gyms, you pay the money go for 3 weeks and then dont bother anymore.
Instead find some games that you can play together, badminton, tag rugby, walks on the beach, a half an hour every day makes a difference. So does buying a gym ball as even when you are sitting watching tv on it you are exercising your core muscles.

on a final point all sizeist people out there should remember that some skinny people have higher colesterol than bigger people. Fat on the inside. so we should all be trying to be healthier and watching our exercise rather than focussing on the latest faddy atkins, cabbabe soup or other yo-yo type diets.

ali.c

Duckjob wrote:

It is a problem for the OP, which means it is a problem for the relationship. He is less attracted to his girlfriend.

Right the girl has gone up too dress sizes since she was 16. Woo obesity here i come??

Yes it's the OP's issue with her weight, maybe he should sort out his issue before attempting to discuss this with his gf.

Anyhow it's not that its a taboo subject to talk about in a relationship, its jsut that she doesnt have a problem with it and he cannot phrase it in any way which will not come across like a put down.

At which point he will need to assess the damage done to his gf and the relationship.

BTW which is more attractive, being happy and confident and a size 14 or being having body issues obessing over food size 12.

When it becomes an issue for her and she is ready she will lose the weight.

Also for all those guys out there moaning about there gfs weight, I actually use this as a barometer for how healthy the relationship is. If its crap i put on weight, if its really good i lose weight.

also there is a fine line between being supportive of someones efforts to lose weight and being a control freak!!!

PeakOutput

He is not as attracted to her because of it.............so if it keeps going like it is they are going to break up because she will more than likely gradually gain more weight and he will gradually become less and less attracted

he will say to her im just not attracted to you anymore and THEN she will get the message harder than ever.

unregd147

ali.c wrote:

Also for all those guys out there moaning about there gfs weight, I actually use this as a barometer for how healthy the relationship is. If its crap i put on weight, if its really good i lose weight.

Your boyfriends a Bas**** so?

Seriously thats the biggest load of bull Ive ever read.

Duckjob

ali.c wrote:

Right the girl has gone up too dress sizes since she was 16. Woo obesity here i come??

Read my post. I addressed the OPs issue, which was that he is less attracted to his g/f because of her weight gain. You just went on a nonsensical rant.

Yes it's the OP's issue with her weight, maybe he should sort out his issue before attempting to discuss this with his gf.

It's not his issue. It's not her issue either. It's a relationship issue, which can have devastating effects down the line as I outlined, but I notice you didnt bother to respond to that.

Anyhow it's not that its a taboo subject to talk about in a relationship, its just that she doesnt have a problem with it and he cannot phrase it in any way which will not come across like a put down.

A taboo subject is exactly what it is, as demonstrated in this, and many other similar threads.

At which point he will need to assess the damage done to his gf and the relationship.

Damage is already being done when one party neglects the physical side of the relationship.

BTW which is more attractive, being happy and confident and a size 14 or being having body issues obessing over food size 12.

Nothing to do with the OPs problem. The question is, is it causing a problem in the relationship, and it is.

When it becomes an issue for her and she is ready she will lose the weight.

By which time the physical aspect of their relationship may be already dead.

Also for all those guys out there moaning about there gfs weight, I actually use this as a barometer for how healthy the relationship is. If its crap i put on weight, if its really good i lose weight.

What a crock of shíte. Nobody else is responsible for your weight, you are. No-one forcefeeds you kebabs my love.

also there is a fine line between being supportive of someones efforts to lose weight and being a control freak!!!

Actually I would agree with you on this. No point in him bitching about it. All the OP can reasonably do is talk to her about the problem and hope she responds maturely. Its going to be up to her whether she cares enough about that side of the relationship to do something about it.

I-like-eggs,mmm

Okay... It's NOT the pill that "makes" you put on weight- ti's the person shoving the food in their mouth and not doing enough exercise to keep it off.

I know this, i'm on the pill myself. Don't use the pill as an excuse for weight gain... it can give you an appetite because the pill fools the body into thinking it's pregnant- BUT the girl has to have some self control and know how much food is enough instead of stuffing her face and blaming the pill. Simple as.

It's definitely not a shallow post... I'm goin out with my guy 4 years now and I put on weight 2 years back, he told me, yeah i got upset but he was right to say it. And now it's worked out for the better... if either one of us is putting on a few extra pounds we just tell each other and call each other fatty!:D It's not fair on the other half to be "letting yourself go". Very hard topic to approach with a girl, so tread carefully...

ali.c

Duckjob wrote:

Read my post. I addressed the OPs issue, which was that he is less attracted to his g/f because of her weight gain. You just went on a nonsensical rant.

Rant? well prehaps its a topic that gets me my blood going.

Duckjob wrote:

It's not his issue. It's not her issue either. It's a relationship issue, which can have devastating effects down the line as I outlined, but I notice you didnt bother to respond to that.

Sorry your point didnt seem relevant, she is a dress size (singular) than what the OP reckons she should be at, thats a long way of obesity tbh and a hell of a long way of 19stone.

Duckjob wrote:

What a crock of shíte. Nobody else is responsible for your weight, you are. No-one forcefeeds you kebabs my love.

Having been on the receiving end of requests to lose weight (at which time i was a size ten btw and actually quite lean) I can tell you that its not a very nice feeling. It is also not helpful and if anything further escarabates the problem. I actually did gain more weight during the course of that relationship due to emotional eating and wrecking my knee. My excercise was limited for 4-6 months. Sure no one can force feed you, but you can (as happen to me) be in a relationship that destroys your sense of self and self esteem. A side effect for me is when these occur i gain weight. Your comment was awful condenscding tbh. I have always excercised and when not an emotional mess eat well. Incidentally i have never eaten a kebab in my life!!

Duckjob wrote:

All the OP can reasonably do is talk to her about the problem and hope she responds maturely. Its going to be up to her whether she cares enough about that side of the relationship to do something about it.

Sure, my only point being that if he does it wrong (which is quite possible he will) that comment could seriously hurt his gf. Being hurt my someones comments is not an issue of how mature you are.

PeakOutput

ali.c wrote:

Sorry your point didnt seem relevant, she is a dress size (singular) than what the OP reckons she should be at, thats a long way of obesity tbh and a hell of a long way of 19stone.

<snip>

Sure, my only point being that if he does it wrong (which is quite possible he will) that comment could seriously hurt his gf. Being hurt my someones comments is not an issue of how mature you are.

she is gaining weight..............according to the op she is not doing anything to stop herself gaining weight never mind losing weight. she will keep gaining weight until she changes her lifestyle..........the op can say it to her now and nip the problem in the bud OR he can wait for her to gain even more weight get even less healthy and then have a much harder job sorting her lifestyle out then.

there are no benefits to not bringing it up tbh besides her carrying on blissfully ignorant that there is a problem.

ideally he finds a way to do it sensitively but the truth hurts sometimes

Dudess

ali.c wrote:

Having been on the receiving end of requests to lose weight (at which time i was a size ten btw and actually quite lean)

Well the person who was telling you to lose weight was obviously a sh!t-head. The OP doesn't seem to be and has made it clear he really cares about his girlfriend. But I understand what you're saying: he needs to be careful how he goes about telling her.

ali.c

sorry, not being very articulate today but my point was even when you are pretty skinny a comment like that from a bf can mess with your head a lot.

Having given it some consideration and trying to come up with something helpful comments to the OP here are my thoughts:

1. You find her physically less attractive, is there any other reason her weight gain bothers you? Prehaps the perception of your friends?

2. How different is your lifestyle from your gf? Are you active and do you eat well. Example is a good way of getting the message across. Tbh if you were to embark on a getting in shape plan (if your fitness is not what it was or whatever) you could ask her to get in shape with you. That way you could both support each other. Excercising with your SO is actually good fun, unless you are overly competitive :P.

3. Do yous live together? If so dont keep crap in the house, tell her that you have decided not to eat it and that you would rather it wasnt there.

4. Open discussion is a option i suppose, but here i would emphasis health and vitality. If shes eating a lot of crap prehaps suggest that changing her diet would improve her energy levels. Of course you are entitled to say that you are less attracted to her as a result of her weight. But you said that she already knows that you would prefer if she took better care of herself.

5. By better care of herself, is it weight or is it also how she presents herself does her hair and dresses? Cause if its both you could say that you like it when she does herself up.

The only person she will change her lifestyle for good is for herself. Sure you can jump start the process but unless its something that she really wants for herself then she wont keep it up

the_syco

ali.c wrote:

1. You find her physically less attractive, is there any other reason her weight gain bothers you? Prehaps the perception of your friends?

As she doesn't do any exercise, would you prefer he left the issue alone, untill another 4 years, before he can't stand it anymore and leaves, or say something now, to the effect that she does some exercise.

Someone slightly overweight can still look good, but if they don't do exercise, it'll go arseways.

ali.c

the_syco wrote:

As she doesn't do any exercise, would you prefer he left the issue alone, untill another 4 years, before he can't stand it anymore and leaves, or say something now, to the effect that she does some exercise.

Someone slightly overweight can still look good, but if they don't do exercise, it'll go arseways.

Its all very well for him to sit there and suggest that she makes all the changes, however a more reasonable request would be that they do it together no?

unregd147 wrote:

Your boyfriends a Bas**** so?

Seriously thats the biggest load of bull Ive ever read.

Lovely sentiments, why purely as i take issue with some of the sentiments here I must be a lard ass and its not even my fault i swear:eek: In fact i eat well and train hard*. However as a recovering buliminic i will say that i am well in tune with how my emotional status influences my eating habits, yes i do use it as a guide. And if you have a problem with that you can shove it up your ass.

Yes we should all take responsibility for our eating habits, but bottom line is she knows he would prefer it if she lost weight. He cannot make her want to do it, he can support lifestyle changes and can try and lead by example BUT if she is not ready or doesnt want to there is **** all he can do about it.

*You people who are so quick to bloody judge, sure if you are overweight it must be because your greedy :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

ali.c wrote:

sorry, not being very articulate today but my point was even when you are pretty skinny a comment like that from a bf can mess with your head a lot.

Having given it some consideration and trying to come up with something helpful comments to the OP here are my thoughts:

1. You find her physically less attractive, is there any other reason her weight gain bothers you? Prehaps the perception of your friends?

2. How different is your lifestyle from your gf? Are you active and do you eat well. Example is a good way of getting the message across. Tbh if you were to embark on a getting in shape plan (if your fitness is not what it was or whatever) you could ask her to get in shape with you. That way you could both support each other. Excercising with your SO is actually good fun, unless you are overly competitive :P.

3. Do yous live together? If so dont keep crap in the house, tell her that you have decided not to eat it and that you would rather it wasnt there.

4. Open discussion is a option i suppose, but here i would emphasis health and vitality. If shes eating a lot of crap prehaps suggest that changing her diet would improve her energy levels. Of course you are entitled to say that you are less attracted to her as a result of her weight. But you said that she already knows that you would prefer if she took better care of herself.

5. By better care of herself, is it weight or is it also how she presents herself does her hair and dresses? Cause if its both you could say that you like it when she does herself up.

The only person she will change her lifestyle for good is for herself. Sure you can jump start the process but unless its something that she really wants for herself then she wont keep it up

Thanks for everyone’s helpful replies!
To answer your questions ali.

1. I would have to say it is mainly the fact that I am less attracted to her but friends and families subconscious opinions would bother me a little bit.

2. Our lifestyles have become more and more alike due to the fact we spend more and more time together. I used to be very active, went to the gym did weights etc. but I stopped training as hard when she was putting in no effort on her part. This was not a conscious decision it just happened over time. (if she was lets say super fit then Id try buck up and hit the gym, I just don’t see the point when she doesn’t bother herself at all.)
I am 6 foot 4” and eat a lot, my Gf’s 5 foot 4”.
Me eating a lot around her doesn’t help and I will try stop this. I have tried to tell her to stop eating shi*e but she doesn’t listen, she is very headstrong and I feel the only thing that would change her habits are if I told her outright how I feel, this as described by many posters is not the right thing to do.
I am very competitive but I don’t think it would come in to play with my girlfriend if I managed to get her exercising with me.

3. We will be living together come September as college starts, this will be a good chance to start up a few good habits!

4. I have had this discussion before with her in relation to it being better for her, but no heed is taken. As above I feel she will only do something about it if I make it clear how much it’s bothering me and very clear at that.

5. She looks well when she does herself up, but the same problem applies, I’ve seen her done up with the weight off and she looks incredible. I can’t help but compare to how well she used to look done up or not.

Should I tell her outright how I feel? This will hurt her but will she get over it? Will she resent me? Mentioning Weight watchers would really piss her off but idealy thats what I would like her to try out as I feel it would work best with her lifestyle.

shapez

Hey All,

To the OP: I am in the same boat as you but, I'm 29 my GF is 28, we bought our first house together 8 months ago and I am thinking of popping the question soon. So, I think I have a little more on my plate than a 20 year old.

I love my GF dearly, we're together 3 years now. Over the last 8 months, (since we've moved/bought house) she has become a lot more inactive when in comes to exercise and helping around the house. She has no hobbies etc. Going for walks with me or friends is the most exercise she does. But, unfortunately that is not on a regular basis.

I love to cook at home. I cook the healtiest meals for our dinner. The alarming thing is the junk snacks after a lovely dinner while watching TV. And the TV watching would be from 6.30 to 11.00 most evenings. Lounging on the couch for hours at the weekends etc. Things around the house are becoming a "big effort" for her.

I have notcied this change since we've moved in. I've encouraged her to come walking/running on the beach with me. I've encouraged her to come circuit training/gym/aerobics with me. Unfortunately, all of these attempts have failed. As for hobbies, swimming, cycling she makes silly excuses for them. I don't argue, as I know mentioning weight to females is the worst thing a man can do.

The sad thing for me and I hate it, is that I am loosing my physical attraction to her. I don't like it but as mentioned in previous posts this was going to happen. I want to change this.

As you probably noticed, I've tried every trick in the book at this stage without actually saying it directly to her. Am I going to be channeled to this last resort?

LegacyUser

biko wrote:

Try to come up with stuff you can do together, badminton, hillwalking, golf. If you do them together she's not as inclined to feel made to exercise.
Does anyone else you know do sports? The more the merrier...

I think this is the best thing you can do. I used to hate excercise, loath it in fact, but my boyfriend is quite active. He likes going for walks and cycling etc. Now every Sunday we go for a long walk somewhere, normally bring one of our dogs too. We also go for a walk sometimes in the evening.

As a result of this I have lost a stone in weight and feel so much better in myself. When we first started going out I would get tired and out of breath really easy but now I can walk and walk and walk. I also can't sit still anymore. He wasn't around this weekend but I went for loads of walks myself because it's what my body wants now. I've also gained more interest in excercise and have taken up running and biking.

PeakOutput

Unreggy wrote:

3. We will be living together come September as college starts, this will be a good chance to start up a few good habits!

i strongly advise you get this sorted before you move in with her

LegacyUser

PeakOutput wrote:

i strongly advise you get this sorted before you move in with her

Whys that? I was thinking this would be a gradual build up to good health and lifestyle. Not something that can be "sorted" just like that.