The Caveman or The Astronaut???

Also Starring LeVar Burton

Discuss.

Irish Wolf

The astronaut is the new very weak caveman!

Also Starring LeVar Burton

This age-old question has plagued mankind for several years.
It has left Philosophers baffled, Scientests kerfuffled and Debaters ruffled.
I always go with the Caveman. As primatives they know nothing but violence and murder. They have the cold-bloodedness to take more than one small step for man.

Irish Wolf

Don't forget about the god figure!

Feral Mutant

Someone's been watching Angel.

Do the astronauts have weapons? If not, then cavemen would win.

Also Starring LeVar Burton

Feral Mutant wrote:

Someone's been watching Angel.

Do the astronauts have weapons? If not, then cavemen would win.

Well spotted.

No weapons - a fair fight.

trout

All things being equal, as in weapons, armour and all that, my money is on the caveman ... they kick ass all day, whereas astronauts you would expect to be more cerebral types ... lovers not fighters.

Unless the astronaut is some kind of space ninja

my 0.02c

Wibbs

Here's me being technical....... By caveman I presume you mean Homo Sapiens? Cro Magnon man as opposed to a neandertal? A neandertal while being a shortarse(5ft 4 area), had on average a 50 inch chest and massive muscle structure. A neandertal would kick most modern humans asses. Even a cro magnon with higher bone density and stronger fitter muscles, would kick Neil Armstrongs arse. So my money is on Ug in the red corner.

MooseJam

cave man kicks astro ass -> they are after all just a few iterations past a gorilla

FunkZ

A caveman would absolutely go through an astronaut, astronauts are like the nerds that used to sit up the front in school and answer every question (not including sixth year)!

Irish Wolf

Shame on you Captain - you should really make it a threesome with a some deity..

However at the moment my money's on Buzz Aldrin - he must be madder than a motherfkr after all these years.. just keep playing him tapes of the first "moon" walk in a water torture vibe.. I defy anyone to approach the mofo..

NeoRox

For some reason when i read the title of this thread i wanted a bottle of yop. dinosaur wins eats both caveman and astronaut.

ixoy

Is the fight on Earth or elsewhere? An astronaut would have an advantage in gravities that weren't 1G.

galwayrush

what if the Astranut had martial arts, ?

simu

The caveman is the astronaut; it's a metaphor. 2001 reference?

galwayrush

NeoRox wrote:

For some reason when i read the title of this thread i wanted a bottle of yop. dinosaur wins eats both caveman and astronaut.

the dionasours would be dead by that time i think, probably killed by the astronuts spaceship causing a similar effect to a meteroit when it came through the athmosphere.

Irish Wolf

galwayrush wrote:

the dionasours would be dead by that time i think, probably killed by the astronuts spaceship causing a similar effect to a meteroit when it came through the athmosphere.

Yeah.. I was thinking the same thing.. but then I suspended belief (not difficult in my case after 9 tins of Stella)..

Buzz Aldrin! ftw!

galwayrush

6 cans stella here, bottle winding road merlot, half way through bottle amarone, right now,legs not working.5 fecking edits to type this.
so, what if caveman was drunk?

MooseJam

galwayrush wrote:

6 cans stella here, bottle winding road merlot, half way through bottle amarone, right now,legs not working.5 fecking edits to type this.
so, what if caveman was drunk?

what do you want, a medal ?

FungalThreat

Astronaut for sure. One crack to the head off of that shiny helmet and you'd be a gonner

Irish Wolf

MooseJam wrote:

what do you want, a medal ?

Big shiny medals for galwayrush and the MooseJam.. awww.. now you can both be cavemen..

Irish Wolf

FungalThreat wrote:

Astronaut for sure. One crack to the head off of that shiny helmet and you'd be a gonner

Jebus Crips! Sort out that sig before it gets reported..

galwayrush

Irish Wolf wrote:

Big shiny medals for galwayrush and the MooseJam.. awww.. now you can both be cavemen..

astronaut has no chance against 2

Owen

It has to be the Astronaut. Astronauts train exceptionally hard for missions, and are at the peak of their physical fitness. I'd imagine most Astronauts, being of military origin initally (Airforce, Navy) would have rudimentary martial arts training too.

Irish Wolf

galwayrush wrote:

astronaut has no chance against 2

A few more Stella's and you'll see differently

Buzzzzzzzzzzz... he's got almost 40 years of anger built up.. the Cavemen (let's call them Meath people for the sake of argument) don't stand a chance..

Ruu_Old

The caveman.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVvBXBZEhkw

MooseJam

Astronauts are all old men, peak pysical fitness my ass, caveman pwns astro fairy in 5 seconds flat

galwayrush

what if the astronaut was chuck norris?

Owen

MooseJam wrote:

Astronauts are all old men

Retired Astronauts are old men. Current Astronauts are generally in mid to later 30's, and put through rigorous training sessions, including centrifuge spinning to handle G tolerances, and muscle building programs to counteract muscle depletion in space.

Binomate

galwayrush wrote:

what if the astronaut was chuck norris?

Get out.

Owen

galwayrush wrote:

what if the astronaut was chuck norris?

He'd roundhouse kick the Cavemen into space, thus causing a paradox, ripping time and space apart. Squirrels would be declared illegal, and the ancient laws of the universe, such as driving on the left, and gravity would be lost forever.

MooseJam

ned78 wrote:

Retired Astronauts are old men. Current Astronauts are generally in mid to later 30's, and put through rigorous training sessions, including centrifuge spinning to handle G tolerances, and muscle building programs to counteract muscle depletion in space.

maybe so but you can't seriously think they would beat a caveman, caveman is basically gorilla

Irish Wolf

Ruu wrote:

The cavanman will kick all ass.

There he is! The Meath Man! Let's get the mofo!

ftfy btw

Owen

MooseJam wrote:

maybe so but you can't seriously think they would beat a caveman, caveman is basically gorilla

A caveman is not a gorilla, it's a Neanderthal. They'd have selectively built muscles, and weak areas in their bodies that aren't used. On top of this, most Cavemen due to inbreeding, would have slower reaction times, lower IQs, impaired vision (As glasses would not be available), and would generally have a limited knowledge of combat, or defense.

galwayrush

ned78 wrote:

A caveman is not a gorilla, it's a Neanderthal. They'd have selectively built muscles, and weak areas in their bodies that aren't used. On top of this, most Cavemen due to inbreeding, would have slower reaction times, lower IQs, impaired vision (As glasses would not be available), and would generally have a limited knowledge of combat, or defense.

so caveman is really the Hoff.:D

MooseJam

ned78 wrote:

most Cavemen due to inbreeding, would have slower reaction times, lower IQs, impaired vision (As glasses would not be available), and would generally have a limited knowledge of combat, or defense.

heh speak about your own forebearers, mine certainly didn't inbreed

Crucifix

Depends what type of Caveman. Caveman is a wide label that covers the type that were so massive their muscles caused their bones to malform, and the type that were about 5 foot tall stringy fellas.

Black Swan

If by caveman you mean the bloke who lays on the couch all day and screams at sports decisions by refs on the telly, with a huge beer gut from too many Buds and raids on the frig, then I would place my bet on him. Why? Cause he could fall on and crush the weightless astronaut in summo-like fashion.;)

Wibbs

ned78 wrote:

A caveman is not a gorilla, it's a Neanderthal.

True enough.

They'd have selectively built muscles, and weak areas in their bodies that aren't used. On top of this, most Cavemen due to inbreeding, would have slower reaction times, lower IQs, impaired vision (As glasses would not be available), and would generally have a limited knowledge of combat, or defense.

Not quite, neandertal skeletons often have distinctive fractures caused by subduing large prey animals close in. Their spears were for stabbing more than throwing(unlike moderns). They were densely muscled short stocky heavyweights, used to stalking, cornering and grappling large animals to the ground and killing them. Their reaction times I would suspect would be very high for a hunting strategy like that to work. Their level of fitness would make a modern gym bunny look like a lard arse. Imagine a short fast powerlifter. Their bone densities are off the scale compared to moderns(actually early homo sapiens was built stronger than us too). Heavier skulls, massive brow ridges, massive protective rib cages etc. Try landin an effective punch on that. They survived and thrived in a hostile Europe for longer (200,000yrs odd)than we've been around. A modern, astronaut or no, in a straight fight would stand little chance. Even Chuck Norris would have his work cut out for him.

R0ot

Astronaut would just pull out a gun

Mr. CooL ICE

MooseJam wrote:

Astronauts are all old men

Going by that logic, all cavemen are dead! Therefore, geriatric astronaut > dead caveman. End of discussion

Thrill

galwayrush wrote:

so caveman is really the Hoff.:D

Hey, heeeeeyyyyyy, careful there, buddy.

The Hoff is a protected species here. He's on Boards.ie's conservation list, along with Chuck Norris. Full planing permission must be obtained before his name can be used in such a manner.:)


Astronaut would beat caveman hands down because of his superior medical knowledge. A swift kick to the nads and it would be game over.

galwayrush

Slightly off topic, related in a way, but a serious question that has puzzled me for as long as , well for the past 10 minutes or so.
Astronauts, when they were first sent into Space, were they supplied with Arms to defend them selves,? just in case they weren't all alone up there.

Saruman

Astronauts have rigourous training, they have to be at the peak of physical health etc and a lot of them are ex military too! My money would be on the astronaut as the caveman would be too stupid to duck etc... however the caveman is probably stronger so if he got a good grip...

Anyway just look at Ali skipping around the ring and beating much larger and stronger men.
Physical endurance and conditioning over brute strength.

trout

trout wrote:

All things being equal, as in weapons, armour and all that, my money is on the caveman ... they kick ass all day, whereas astronauts you would expect to be more cerebral types ... lovers not fighters.

Unless the astronaut is some kind of space ninja

my 0.02c

You can get 0.02c coins now?:eek:
God.Ireland has changed since I left.

The Bollox

trout wrote:

Unless the astronaut is some kind of space ninja

and the caveman some sort of neanderthalic pirate

Mr.Nice Guy

The astronaut would win for sure. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

The astronaut would just have to sing a Celine Dion tune and the caveman would fall to his knees in terror.

"Every night in my dreams, I see you. I feel you...."

trout

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

The astronaut would win for sure. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

The astronaut would just have to sing a Celine Dion tune and the caveman would fall to his knees in terror.

"Every night in my dreams, I see you. I feel you...."

Celine Dion songs would break the "no weapons" rule I'll get me coat.;)

coyote6

If the caveman and astronauts were plucked from their natural environments and times methinks the caveman would win. The astronaut would be weak from being in a zero gravity environment. The caveman could also be injured or sick but I think he'd be more inclined to go for the throat and eat the astronaut who would be pretty tender.

MooseJam

Captain Cavemaaan ftw

the_syco

Depends on how long the Astronaut falls before hitting the Caveman. ALso, depends if he burned up on the way in:D