shocking work poo etiquette

onechewy

I went into the one cubicled ladies toilets in work earlier and was faced with a humdinger of a lurker winking at me from the bottom of the bowl.. so I bundled loads of paper down then flushed and hoped for the best.

Unfortunately the thing didn't budge so I shoved some more paper and then flushed again.. and while I was hovering about in suspense hoping for a clear bowl, my arm got back splashed on! so I legged it to the sink and scrubbed my arm for a bit.. then I went back to check the toilet and all was clear, phew! so I went for my no 1, and then flushed again and then washed hands again. When I left the bathroom there was two girls queuing outside and i don't think I've ever experienced such awful 'leaving the bathroom in shame itus' ever.. even though I didn't do anything bad

admiralofthefleet

tell them you were having 'time and a turd', smile then say 'f*ck yis'

philstar

well as they say.......sh*t happens:D

MooseJam

what ? you're telling me girls drop big logs, I thought they only dropped little petite one's that smell of roses

impr0v

Haha. Michael Douglas has a line in Basic Instinct about not looking in the toilet to see what he's left behind him, and perhaps the owner of the lurker didn't notice they had left it.

I regularly come across such things in the work jacks, but they don't bother me as much as somebody attempting to talk to me after I've entered a cubicle and they're washing their hands or taking a piss at the urinals. Shut up ffs, this is a private space.

admiralofthefleet

MooseJam wrote:

what ? you're telling me girls drop big logs, I thought they only dropped little petite one's that smell of roses

the poo fairy doesnt exist, all those 50c pieces u left under you're missus pillow were spent on makeup

onechewy

admiralofthefleet wrote:

tell them you were having 'time and a turd', smile then say 'f*ck yis'

heh he... and then ad 'aaah that was bleedin savage, just what I needed..!'

Erin Go Brath

admiralofthefleet wrote:

tell them you were having 'time and a turd', smile then say 'f*ck yis'

ROFL

John Mason

LOL i would love to know that the girls on my floor in work are eating. sometimes there are monster poo's left behind, i would love to know who leaves them behind.

out of 4 floors in my buildin, the turd *(sorry couldnt resist) third floor loo are out of order for at least one day every week

galactus

"Do women poo?" Big Brother asked.

"It's not proper poo," Bello decided. "It's like rabbit poo.”

:eek:

intheknow

happened to me on a plane to NY once,I needed a pee real bad and just beat a pretty girl to the toilet so I knew she was waiting outside. Lifted the lid.......JESUS, the whole bowl was peppledashed in some strangers crap. Tried to piss it off, tried to flush it off, no joy. She is going to think it was me and she is only sittiing across the aisle from me. Got paper and physicially scrubbed it off, I was retching at this stage.

Opened the door to go back to my seat...Nobody outside waiting :mad: :mad: :mad: . Must get this toilet paranoia thing sorted out !!

Blush_01

Who gives a sh!t? It's disgusting not to clean up after yourself, regardless of situation, but especially in the bathroom. How about going to another bathroom if the one there is in a state?

biko

This thread is crap

demanufactured

Yeah its pretty ****ty.

FlutterinBantam

heh heh.... at least the plutther went into the correct bowl.

A place where I was completing a contract had a person who regularly "top decked"* the privvies.Caused untold problems and nearly resulted in the forces of law and order being called in.

He seemed to reserve a particularly loose and evil smelling motion for this activity,which occurred in the ladies as well.

I am presuming it was male.

Whole place was gummed up for days....



*The practice of dumping a load in the cistern and then closing the lid and leaving her in there.

Bottle_of_Smoke

onechewy wrote:

Unfortunately the thing didn't budge so I shoved some more paper and then flushed again.. and while I was hovering about in suspense hoping for a clear bowl,(

I find this really weird, why did you have to have an empty bowl?

Anto McC

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

I find this really weird, why did you have to have an empty bowl?

You mean,you don't?

Thats sick!!

Mossy Monk

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

I find this really weird, why did you have to have an empty bowl?

Why would you let rip onto **** left there by someone else?

m83

...I don't think I've ever experienced such awful 'leaving the bathroom in shame itus' ever.. even though I didn't do anything bad

I absolutely hate this partiularly ****ty brand of shame! Thats why i always dash in and look for floaters before i can be associated with a cubicle! But as always, if in doubt.. flush it out

Bottle_of_Smoke

Why would you let rip onto **** left there by someone else?

i don't plan on drinking out of the bowl afterward

fits

FlutterinBantam wrote:

*The practice of dumping a load in the cistern and then closing the lid and leaving her in there.

how scummy is that??:eek:

Nephew

You should have picked it up and rolled it across the ground into the next cubicle, or put it in your handbag so you could bring it home and take pictures of it.

intheknow

Nephew wrote:

You should have picked it up and rolled it across the ground into the next cubicle, or put it in your handbag so you could bring it home and take pictures of it.

and post them here http://www.ratemypoo.com/

Capt'n Midnight

intheknow wrote:

happened to me on a plane to NY once,I needed a pee real bad and just beat a pretty girl to the toilet so I knew she was waiting outside. Lifted the lid.......JESUS, the whole bowl was peppledashed in some strangers crap. Tried to piss it off, tried to flush it off, no joy. She is going to think it was me and she is only sittiing across the aisle from me. Got paper and physicially scrubbed it off, I was retching at this stage.

Opened the door to go back to my seat...Nobody outside waiting :mad: :mad: :mad: . Must get this toilet paranoia thing sorted out !!

Or you could have just opened the door and shown her how bad it was. Instead you urinated on the seat for her, how gentlemanly.

intheknow

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

Or you could have just opened the door and shown her how bad it was. Instead you urinated on the seat for her, how gentlemanly.

Shown it to her ?? You Charmer you !! I have visions of your first (and last!) dates..........

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4

http://www.ratemypoo.com !!!!:eek:

jester77

Ah, the "unflushable"

Still, could be worse. I remember going into a cubicle in Dublin airport and someone had smeared the whole toilet seat :eek:

And what about all those floaters in the festival toilets

Hankyspanky123

JEsus nothing worse...

I always go in to a cubicle, check the bowl BEFORE closing the door therefore not comitting myself to that cube and eliminating myself from suspicion of the next user in line if there is a floater or anything dodgy going on...

I have been known to check all the cubicles before using in order to find the cleanest/best serviced/least smelly/with seat, toilet and thats only for a No.1!

Im not obsessively clean in general or anything, just very toilet shy... I make an effort to Pee quietly too if theres anyone else around. I duno, its just a VERY personal thing for me... Im a freak.

Im really funny about public toilets, i would hold on to one all day just to make it home and do it in peace and privacy... Then again and unfortunatly for me im not that regular so its generally not a problem

Plug

In the Dunnes staff toliets people sh!ted on the seats on purpose last week, it was polish I bet, it looked like a giant worm.
So i just took a dump out the window.

AlmightyCushion

jester77 wrote:

Still, could be worse. I remember going into a cubicle in Dublin airport and someone had smeared the whole toilet seat :eek:

Maybe they ran out of toilet paper.

Plug

AlmightyCushion wrote:

Maybe they ran out of toilet paper.

Personally I'd use my jocks and go camando if theres no paper, I wouldn't go the direction were you smear beer sh!t on the seat, I wouldn't recommend it anyway.

AlmightyCushion

Plug wrote:

Personally I'd use my jocks and go camando if theres no paper, I wouldn't go the direction were you smear beer sh!t on the seat, I wouldn't recommend it anyway.

But you would take a dump out of a window.

Plug

Well........
yessems:(

Duggy747

Eurgh, I remember I was in a nite-club up in Sligo one night and the mess I saw.......no man should endure. Anywho, I went into the toilets and talked to the foreign guy who gives you wollipops and lynx at the sink when next thing started cursing, grabbed a mop and told me to look after his stuff (I used to work with him before so he must've trusted me!). He came back with a disgruntled face saying: "Ah am not touching that thoilet!!"

I laugh and then go to the urinal for some drunken release when next thing this mega fúckton smell overwhelmed me. I turn around and see a bouncer laughing while closing a cubicle door with his foot. I ask him what's so funny, he goes: "You gotta see this!" and proceeds to kick open the door. I was greeted by a cloud of poo smell that hit me like a cavity block in the nose. I quickly gathered myself together and looked inside to which I saw:

The toilet was covered and smeared in poo.
The wall was covered in poo (with a nice brown hand-print for good measure)
A pair of boxers covered in a mountain of melted poo.
Poo splash-back ALL over the floor!

Litteraly, there must've have been 10 days-worth of shìt inside that cubicle!! What the hell happened in there I'll never, or EVER want to know! The image of the cubicle stuck with me all night in the club resulting in me walking around with a disgruntled look. Felt sorry for the poor bastard I knew in the toilets who had to clean that gloop up.

Hankyspanky123

Ahhhhh i just after slipping home from work for 10 mins to have a lovely quiet civilized pooh in my own private toilet, no mess, no skidds, just me and the indo. Lovely.

There is no satisfaction in public Poohing

AlmightyCushion

Duggy747 wrote:

Eurgh, I remember I was in a nite-club up in Sligo one night and the mess I saw.......no man should endure. Anywho, I went into the toilets and talked to the foreign guy who gives you wollipops and lynx at the sink when next thing started cursing, grabbed a mop and told me to look after his stuff (I used to work with him before so he must've trusted me!). He came back with a disgruntled face saying: "Ah am not touching that thoilet!!"

I laugh and then go to the urinal for some drunken release when next thing this mega fúckton smell overwhelmed me. I turn around and see a bouncer laughing while closing a cubicle door with his foot. I ask him what's so funny, he goes: "You gotta see this!" and proceeds to kick open the door. I was greeted by a cloud of poo smell that hit me like a cavity block in the nose. I quickly gathered myself together and looked inside to which I saw:

The toilet was covered and smeared in poo.
The wall was covered in poo (with a nice brown hand-print for good measure)
A pair of boxers covered in a mountain of melted poo.
Poo splash-back ALL over the floor!

Litteraly, there must've have been 10 days-worth of shìt inside that cubicle!! What the hell happened in there I'll never, or EVER want to know! The image of the cubicle stuck with me all night in the club resulting in me walking around with a disgruntled look. Felt sorry for the poor bastard I knew in the toilets who had to clean that gloop up.

Ha ha ha I remember you telling me about that alright. All the puns that came out of it. "Oh Duggy that was so funny I nearly sh!rt myself" and many more that I was too drunk to remember. If I was you though I would have nicked all his lollipops. Drunk girls will do anything for a lollipop and I mean anything.

Duggy747

AlmightyCushion wrote:

If I was you though I would have nicked all his lollipops. Drunk girls will do anything for a lollipop and I mean anything.

Of course I took a small amount, I had to be paid somehow!

Me: "Hey Baby!"
Girl: "I have a cúnt!"
Me: "Don't we all? Would you like a wollipop?"
Girl: "Oooooh, what flavour?"
Me: "Well, there's strawberry flavoured and then there's cock flavoured!"

That'll work yet. Usually that scenario goes like this:

Me: "Hey Baby!"
*SLAP!*
Girl: "Perv!!!!"

AlmightyCushion

Duggy747 wrote:

That'll work yet. Usually that scenario goes like this:

Me: "Hey Baby!"
*SLAP!*
Girl: "Perv!!!!"

She's just playing hard to get.

Plug

I saw similer in Kilkenny, just imagine if you were in bits and fell on top of it:eek:
*camera phone moment*

Archeron

I once went into the gents toilet in a pub in Kilkenny to find a lovely lady (presumably an acrobat of some sort) having a dump into the sink in the mens tiolet. She reckoned that she was perfectly entitled to do that, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do, and the queue for the wimmins was too long. She vocally exclaimed that "if you dont like it, then stop bleedin looking"

Charming and classy, that girl had it all.

Plug

Plug wrote:

I saw similer in Kilkenny, just imagine if you were in bits and fell on top of it
*camera phone moment*

Archeron wrote:

I once went into the gents toilet in a pub in Kilkenny to find a lovely lady (presumably an acrobat of some sort) having a dump into the sink in the mens tiolet. She reckoned that she was perfectly entitled to do that, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do, and the queue for the wimmins was too long. She vocally exclaimed that "if you dont like it, then stop bleedin looking"

Charming and classy, that girl had it all.

Thats KK for ya:rolleyes:

*edit* This is actually quite good talking about ****ty toilets:)

Reku

jester77 wrote:

Ah, the "unflushable"

Ah those are easy to deal with, just bring an icecube, afterall it worked for the Titanic!:D

AlmightyCushion

farohar wrote:

Ah those are easy to deal with, just bring an icecube, afterall it worked for the Titanic!:D

:D I'll ave to remember that one.