Is being a parent the reason for living?

Mitzy

I have a number of friends who are married with kids. I'm single, no boyfriend, no kids. I have a good job and a good lifestyle.
There are a few of my married friends that I meet up with regularly for a bite to eat & a few drinks. I've noticed over the last year or so that the only topic for conversation with them is their marriages & their kids. Seriously this is the ONLY thing they talk about which is just so sad & boring considering that these people used to be the best fun to spend an evening with. They make out that their lives are soooo hard & difficult because they are working & trying to raise kids at the same time. I know that it can be difficult but why not enjoy it instead of moaning about it all the time?
I'm always made feel guilty if I go away on holidays, seeing as god love them, they can't do these things because they have other people to consider!!
Anyway a comment was made by one of the girls about her work collegues. She said that the only women in her organisation that gets promoted are the "lesbians" with no children!! I was totally taken aback. I didn't say anything at the time but it's been bugging me ever since.
Is this the general view that if someone isn't married or in a serious relationship by their mid 30's that they must be gay???
Is having children the only reason for living. I certainly do want to have children and plan to do so whether I'm in a relationship or not but I just wanted to see what people out there think of singletons!

greenkittie

Sorry to break it to you but if you are single without kids by your mid 30s its not looking good. By the time you actually settle down to have kids it will be alot more difficult for you to conceive and a much higher change of complications during pregnancy and of your child being disabled. Sorry the truth is harsh but there it is, enjoy your promotion.

Sangre

Did you even read her post greenkittie?

If the people are annoying you OP talking about kids then just start talking about all your disposable income.

Beruthiel

Mitzy wrote:

Is this the general view that if someone isn't married or in a serious relationship by their mid 30's that they must be gay???

It's the view of an idiot and you should have said something to her!

I've noticed over the last year or so that the only topic for conversation with them is their marriages & their kids

That is because this is the most import thing going on in their lives right now.

Is having children the only reason for living.

For some people it is, for some people it's not.

I just wanted to see what people out there think of singletons!

Why do you care what people think?

greenkittie
what have your comments got to do with this thread?

Mitzy

It's not me that's getting the promotion. I simply haven't met the right person - as plenty of people I know. I'm only 35 ffs. Plenty of people only start having children now.

Revelation Joe

I wouldn't think you were gay! I'm not a singleton but I really have no desire to have children.
I'm 37 and have been married for fourteen years. I knew from a very early stage that my wife couldn't have children and to be honest, it doesn't matter to me one iota.
I just don't have that paternal instinct. Some of us don't and that's just how it is!
If you *do* want to have children however, then much later than your mid-30s is going to be more difficult, with possible complications etc.

John Mason

once in you are in your 30's and have no children you are consider a lesser person. one of friends mother recently asked me would i not just go out and a one night stand and get pregnant that why rather then waiting for a the right man. to say i was horrified is an understatement, i left the party soon after.

what i have discovered with my friends is that they hate their life, they are bored, stressed, tried and broke and they are jealous that i have the freedom to do what i want without considering other people. some of them think i am selfish because, i dont spend my weekend driving around to see them and giving out because i dont spend every saturday night sitting in their house drinking wine with them. On the other side of it they are worried about me robbing their husbands, and considering i have had three friends husband hitting on me, i can understand where they are coming from

but it their problem not yours, plain and simple the big green monster is eating away at them. either just let it go over your head or cut them off

Mitzy

irishbird wrote:

once in you are in your 30's and have no children you are consider a lesser person. one of friends mother recently asked me would i not just go out and a one night stand and get pregnant that why rather then waiting for a the right man. to say i was horrified is an understatement, i left the party soon after.

what i have discovered with my friends is that they hate their life, they are bored, stressed, tried and broke and they are jealous that i have the freedom to do what i want without considering other people. some of them think i am selfish because, i dont spend my weekend driving around to see them and giving out because i dont spend every saturday night sitting in their house drinking wine with them. On the other side of it they are worried about me robbing their husbands, and considering i have had three friends husband hitting on me, i can understand where they are coming from

but it their problem not yours, plain and simple the big green monster is eating away at them. either just let it go over your head or cut them off

Thank you - I think you have hit the nail on the head. I suppose that our lives have simply taken different paths. TBH I'd rather be single forever than be married to 2 particular friends husbands. They may as well be single parents for all the support they get from their husbands. It's just the perception they have of my life that bugs me!

Ibjiba

I wouldn't think a single 30+ person was gay either. Rather, I'd say that there are a variety of life-styles and many people prefer not to disclose how they live.
Still, people who get kids will talk about them, final. It is like getting a puppy, you'll love talking about all the cute & stupid things it does.

ntlbell

Mitzy wrote:

It's just the perception they have of my life that bugs me!

Why? It's your life and your free to choose the way you live.

You make the point that you are only 35, the point your only 35 is not the issue really. you're 35 and single, so you still have to go through the process of finding a guy you like, find a guy you want to father your kids and that you want to be with "for the rest of your life" this doesn't happen over night, and will take a number of years, were you will be at an age were it is a more of a "risk" for having children I think that was the point thart was made earlier, I know it has little to do with your original problem.

but on the original question I think for the majority of women although it seems to be changing in recent years with the current influx in money to a lot of women finding some mug they can train having a few kids and working their balls of to leave them a few quid seems to be the point of most peoples lives, in a way it is sad, but it's something you can chose not to do.

PinkPrincess26

irishbird wrote:

plain and simple the big green monster is eating away at them. either just let it go over your head or cut them off

I dont think its fair to say that all people with children are jealous. I'm certainly not jealous of any of my friends that are childless. And yes my son is the most important person in my life but of course I have other things to talk about.....and im still able to go out an enjoy myself like I did before I had him...

Oryx

People with kids can tend to have tunnel vision and only talk about their own lives with their incredible kiddies. Im guilty of it myself sometimes.:D I apologise on all our behalfs, its just the most prominent thing in your life is what you will talk about.

My perception of a singleton in their 30s? Well I wouldnt assume you were gay. Free spirited and lucky, probably. I didnt want kids for years till broodiness snuck up and mugged me in my 30s. :rolleyes: While I wouldnt change my life, I envy you your freedom! I have friends in my age group who have chosen not to have kids, we still find common ground to talk about, but I accept it has changed things as our lives are different.

Your choice is sound if it works for you, but its just one of those things. Youll have less in common with your parent friends. You are in a minority, which is why youre being made to feel odd for not going with the flow.

ntlbell

PinkPrincess26 wrote:

I dont think its fair to say that all people with children are jealous. I'm certainly not jealous of any of my friends that are childless. And yes my son is the most important person in my life but of course I have other things to talk about.....and im still able to go out an enjoy myself like I did before I had him...

She didn't refer to all people with children, we're discussing the OP's friends.

modalcommand

Mitzy wrote:

It's not me that's getting the promotion. I simply haven't met the right person - as plenty of people I know. I'm only 35 ffs. Plenty of people only start having children now.

The chances of you miscarrying or having a child with a disability go up exponentially with age. I don't know if you put off children for a career but the simple matter is women are meant to have children at 15-30 (biologically at least).

biko

Would have thought this was a perfect Q for the Parenting forum but since Ruth has already seen this thread.

Is being a parent the reason for living?
Yes, in the old days pretty much everything was done in order for to procreate and uphold the family name. People had lots of children because lots of kids could support you in your old age.

These days, not so sure, but if you don't leave a legacy then what was it all for anyway?

m2c

Nevyn

Sounds like you need better friends or better boundaries with them.

daveirl

This post has been deleted.

Mr. Incognito

I hope this doesn't turn into a single vs parent thing and benefits of either.

Green kittie your comments are a typical example of someone trying to push their own perspective through condecension, my own personal view of the lowest form of wit. Live your own life.

Mitzy, I'm afraid that your friends perspectives have changed in different directions to yours. There is no right or wrong. I would suggest you should stop caring what you your perceive your friends think of you. tbh they are probably so immersed in their own lives they don't think about you at all. As a parent I find that I don't get jealous of my single friends jetting off or envy their freedom. I enjoy my son and my life.

I'm not sure what to say to you. If you think your friends are "sad and boring" then find new friends. If you want re-enforcement that your own choice of lifestyle is the best way to go then you will find both those that agree and disagree with this. You surely know that already.

If you want another ten irishbirds to join in your "go me" I'm single movement then coolio. to be honest if you're happy in your own lifestyles then nothing else should matter no matter what that lifestyle is as long as you are not hurting anyone.

seamus

I know plenty of people in their 30's without kids or a relationship. It's not an indicator of failure or a comment on sexuality.

I think this is something that this generation and perhaps for the next 20 years, will have to deal with. Our parents (and by this I mean anyone's parents who are 50+) grew up in a very different time, where life was structured - everyone got married before they were 25, had two kids by 30, and generally settled into a life and career till retiring.
That's all changing now. We don't necessarily want to be married with kids by 30. Won't necessarily feel that we need the same job for our lives, or that we ever need to be settled down.
Plenty of our peers will of course still maintain the "What, no kids?" hangups from their parents, but it will slowly change. Attitudes are already favourable towards people basically doing what they want. A mate of mine is 26, did art in college and has been travelling the world for 18 months now doing odd jobs and enjoying himself. 30 years ago he would have been a drifter, a waster. Now we call him that, but as a term of endearment. We don't actually think that he's a dead-ended loser.

Dragan

I think it's dangerous to assume that anyone who lives a different life than us with different values is merely being "jealous"...... i would go so far as to say that to assume so is being quite egotistical.

I know we find this hard to believe but the majority of people in modern Ireland are living the lives that they WANT to lead. Be that having babies, having a career or whatever else people get up to.

The simple fact is that when you are in a social group, conversation will normally roll round to common denomenators. Your the odd one out to be honest, they have kids and want to talk about them. If your letting that question your own perceptions of your life then i would ask how happy you really are?

Mitzy

Don't get me wrong - the majority of my friends have children. When I am talking to them naturally I always ask after their children, buy christmas & birthday presents etc. Most of the are capable of going out for a night and mention how little Johnny is doing but it isn't the only topic of conversation. The main problem I have is with my 2 oldest friends who I feel always have a problem that I am not part of their clique of fitting into their lives. I don't think they are really jealous of me or me of them, but I sometimes feel that they feel as though they envy that I am free to do as I please. I suppose that I'm feeling a bit sad that I am loosing them as friends as we have been so close for so many years. I have never said anything to them about the fact that they are wives & mothers so why do they try to make me feel guilty for not being the same.

I haven't put off having children for career purposes, I simply haven't had any because I haven't been in a relationship that I have wanted to settle down with that person longterm. Now I'm simply trying to decide if I want to go ahead & have a child without being married or in a long term relationship. I am financially secure and would have fantastic family support. Is being mentally prepared for parenthood as important?

John Mason

modalcommand wrote:

The chances of you miscarrying or having a child with a disability go up exponentially with age. I don't know if you put off children for a career but the simple matter is women are meant to have children at 15-30 (biologically at least).

can i point out, i am 32 years of age and single. i didnt put off having children because of my career. dont you think that we dont know about the dangerous of having children late in life, i get the feeling that a lot of people of accusing us single girls of being stupid.

yes, i could go out tonight and have a one night stand and get pregnant no bother but then the rest of you will start threads about single mothers leeching of the state, about being sluts etc. we are stuck in a catch 22. i dont have children because i am not in seriously relationship, finacially i would not be in a position to bring a child up by myself. i was at a party last weekend with all my old friends and i was the only single person there, do you all seriously think we enjoy being in these situations? is it right that you all think just because we didnt settle for a second rate relationship that we are selfish. would it have been better to stay with a violent man, just so i wouldnt be single? or the man that cheated on me, should i have have pretend it wasnt happening, stayed with the alcoholic or junkie (these arent my ex's by the way just examples - i might attract losers but )

just back off with the dangers of getting pregnant in late in life, single people have problems too

ntlbell

irishbird wrote:

would it have been better to stay with a violent man, just so i wouldnt be single? or the man that cheated on me, should i have have pretend it wasnt happening, stayed with the alcoholic or junkie (these arent my ex's by the way just examples - i might attract losers but )

LOL

Eventually you have to comprimise on something, stay single too long and it will be "well, at least he has a weak left hook"

lily lou

I agree, it really upsets me when people go on about the dangers of having children after your mid 30's. Like Mitzy and Irishbird I am in my early 30's and am single & childless and not by choice I simply haven't met the right man and am not willing to settle just to fit in. I hate being one of the last single ones in my group, it's getting to the stage where I often have noone to spend saturday nights with and believe me the lonliness isn't fun and isn't how I saw myself ending up. A few people in work have commented on another colleague and called her a lesbian just because she's single and in her late 40's this really upset me and I asked straight out "do you think I'm a lesbian too" at least I made them think about what they'd said, but I do wonder do they say that about me! But I think the real reason it upsets me is because I do want a partner and kids and it's not something I want to rush.

magpie

Is this the general view that if someone isn't married or in a serious relationship by their mid 30's that they must be gay???

That's just silly. Having said that there is a general perception that most women who are going to have a serious relationship or have children would have done so by their mid 30s - hence 'biological clock' etc. I was going to say something trite, but this being PI I would be banned in miliseconds.

ntlbell

lily lou wrote:

I agree, it really upsets me when people go on about the dangers of having children after your mid 30's.

It upsets me when I hear people talk about the dangers of cancer from me smoking 40 smokes a day, the reason it upsets me is they're real dangers with smoking, as much as they're dangers with having kids in your late 30's.

Oryx

ntlbell wrote:

It upsets me when I hear people talk about the dangers of cancer from me smoking 40 smokes a day, the reason it upsets me is they're real dangers with smoking, as much as they're dangers with having kids in your late 30's.

The difference being you can give up smoking and pretty much instantly reduce your health risks. Theres nothing you can do once you get to 30 and youre still childless.

To the OP, what midwives will tell you once you are in your 30's and pregnant is that age related problems are very rare. Theres no point in scaremongering over something that cannot be helped.

ntlbell

KtK wrote:

The difference being you can give up smoking and pretty much instantly reduce your health risks. Theres nothing you can do once you get to 30 and youre still childless.

To the OP, what midwives will tell you once you are in your 30's and pregnant is that age related problems are very rare. Theres no point in scaremongering over something that cannot be helped.

The point I was making is people not talking about it, doesn't make the problem disapear I'm not trying to scare anyone, I was just pointing out what green was stating that it's not just been 35 it's 35 + whatever amount of time it takes to find the right person your heading into your late 30's and getting into an area were problems do start to bare the head.

modalcommand

irishbird wrote:

can i point out, i am 32 years of age and single. i didnt put off having children because of my career. dont you think that we dont know about the dangerous of having children late in life, i get the feeling that a lot of people of accusing us single girls of being stupid.

yes, i could go out tonight and have a one night stand and get pregnant no bother but then the rest of you will start threads about single mothers leeching of the state, about being sluts etc. we are stuck in a catch 22. i dont have children because i am not in seriously relationship, finacially i would not be in a position to bring a child up by myself. i was at a party last weekend with all my old friends and i was the only single person there, do you all seriously think we enjoy being in these situations? is it right that you all think just because we didnt settle for a second rate relationship that we are selfish. would it have been better to stay with a violent man, just so i wouldnt be single? or the man that cheated on me, should i have have pretend it wasnt happening, stayed with the alcoholic or junkie (these arent my ex's by the way just examples - i might attract losers but )

just back off with the dangers of getting pregnant in late in life, single people have problems too

Thats fine if your life is going that way. I just have a problem with careerist women who have their life plan and who sneer at younger women having children. Then when it turns out they can't get pregnant they wonder whats wrong.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Natural Selection. Those who want to have kids are obviously gonna be more likely to have kids. Hence us

greenkittie

Ok sorry about my post I did come across rather badly. The OP states she wants children but is already 35 and no sign of even settling down. The way I see it is that you are almost disadvantaging your child having it later in life as you are putting it at risk.
For me, although I do want to travel, have adventures and all the rest, if I was still childless at that age no matter how great my life was I would feel unfullfilled. To be honest i'm not sure how you can manage the restraint, I hate the feeling of my hormones going mad making me crave a baby. I 100% feel that my body is telling me to have one now and its a fight to think with my head and not give in.

Aishling

Gosh Greenkittie that did sound quite harsh, bitter almost. But like text messages, what we say on forums like these never sounds like what we were thinking in our heads, so don't worry about it.

Do you know what LizzyVera never in a million zillion years would I ever assume things about someones sexuality just because they don't have a partner and kids. I think thats pretty awful that someone would say that to you, but Im betting that she (the colleague that said this to you) is really jealous. Jesus though, Im still in shock that she said that OMG:eek:

Bottle_of_Smoke

Mitzy wrote:

She said that the only women in her organisation that gets promoted are the "lesbians" with no children!! I was totally taken aback. I didn't say anything at the time but it's been bugging me ever since.
Is this the general view that if someone isn't married or in a serious relationship by their mid 30's that they must be gay???

No. That woman as much thinks they're lesbians as a 12 year old does when he says "ur a ****" to the guy who didn't pass the ball fast enough in a game of soccer.

John Mason

modalcommand wrote:

Thats fine if your life is going that way. I just have a problem with careerist women who have their life plan and who sneer at younger women having children. Then when it turns out they can't get pregnant they wonder whats wrong.

so by your reckoning though of us who havent found the right man by the time we are in our 30's are automatically lumped in with those that a chosen to being single for career reasons......

Esel

modalcommand wrote:

The chances of you miscarrying or having a child with a disability go up exponentially with age.

Really? I knew they increased, but - exponentially? Wow.

OP, not all childless people of 35 or more are homosexual. Some, however, are. They call us 'breeders'. It is normal for 'breeders' who have recently bred to speak incessantly of their offspring. You just have to grin and bear it.

Try turning the conversation around to the best way to change a really liquid nappy. Or better still, ask them if they breast-fed their infant, and if so, for how long. Make them feel guilty for a change. Get environmental - ask them if they know how many skips will be filled by the soiled nappies of a child over a two year period. Ask them if they care. Watch them turn green. Don't expect to be invited to the next session though!

barrett1965

I just don't have that paternal instinct.

That's me too. I think society puts pressure and expectations on people to get married and have kids. I admire the OP for their convictions.

Marksie

OP: it isnt a question of how ithers view you really. It is a question of are you happy being single?

KtK made a very intersting comment about the envy of seeing soemne with a a single lifestyle. But being a parent has its own rewards.
So in the end its what the individual wants and needs.

It is a very common issue that "singletons" for want of a better word, find that their friends become almost single minded when it comes to raising families. When theyvarevout for example, itb iis common ground for them to talk about

If it bothers you, find some new friends to enjoy life with, don't drop yuor old ones, just expand the circle.

Edit: i find that i am head scratching when my familied friends start talking about their kids and the like, but i just join in. When i start about a prticularly good weekend away for example, you can see the reverse is true.

Oryx

Marksie wrote:

KtK made a very intersting comment about the envy of seeing soemne with a a single lifestyle. But being a parent has its own rewards.
So in the end its what the individual wants and needs.

I was being honest. To clarify. There are days when the kids drive me crazy. Any parent who says that doesnt happen is lying or a saint. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to have a quiet coffee or go for a walk alone, but theres no way I would go back to being childless, I get far too much from my kids.

aria-bella

OP kudos to you for not settling . IMO you need to clarify with your friend that you took offence to her 'lesbian' comment
And for what its worth i had my daughter at 21. I adore her and consider her a gift from god but i would be lying if i didnt say that had i my time back, had i known the emotional output needed in raising a child, I would have probably abstained! (As it was i managed to get pregnant while on the pill and using condoms. but thats another story..:)

My mother had me at 42 and my grandmother had her last child at 50 .. There is no 'right time' to have kids.. Medically sure, the younger the better.. but in reality it is not always that simple.

You have freedom that i am sure most parents, if honest would be secretly jealous of.. Enjoy that freedom and remember that your life is exactly that ..your life.

It seems that as women , no matter what we do, when it comes to fertility and motherhood someone will always judge.

greenteaicedtea

I just wanted to see what people out there think of singletons!

Find more single friends! I hang out with other women who are approaching 40 and are single as well, and it feels great to not be the odd one out.

If the people are annoying you OP talking about kids then just start talking about all your disposable income.

Here's one better: start talking about all the time you have to do whatever you want, on a whim! That's how I console myself... I started out trying to be spiteful in my mind, but it turns out to be rather comforting, imagining myself drifting into my 40s with 9823749837 cats and african violets on the sill, wearing cardies and knee lenght skirts and sensible shoes. no seriously I am enjoying the silence, because god knows Mr Right might be around teh corner and in a year I might have a couple of brats of my own.


I love my other friends who are married, and who have kids, but to be honest I avoid the ones with kids because it makes me feel bad, as I want them badly myself.

The only mother I enjoy hanging around with is my sister. It's very strange that I DON'T envy her, I love my little nephew... likely because I'm part of the family, I don't feel left out.

once in you are in your 30's and have no children you are consider a lesser person. one of friends mother recently asked me would i not just go out and a one night stand and get pregnant that why rather then waiting for a the right man. to say i was horrified is an understatement, i left the party soon after.

People can be so insensitive. One of my friends' dads, at a church picnic, out of nowhere gave me this speech "some people are not meant to have families" etc because I had been moaning to his daughter about how I wanted kids. I left in tears. Next time I'm going to tell someone to fcuh off.

However I am strongly considering going to a fertility clinic to have a kid by myself, because as I approach 37, having a child at all is more important to me than finding a man to have one with. My sister has been all over my case about this, eg. that I'm putting my child at a disadvantage, but I have an education and a job, and time's a wastin'!

pickarooney

It's a reason for living, but there are dozens more; unfortunately most people don't have the conviction to follow them. You need to find your reason for living and not just go with somebody else's for the sake of it.

As for having kids when older - sure, the chances of problems increase, but it's not like you've suddenly got a 90% chance of giving birth to a child with a deformity. If you notice, it's usually the people who are 'best suited' to having kids who don't while the ones who can't afford them or are running risks to themselves by having them keep having them. These are the people for whom being a parent is a reason for living and dying.

Hugh_C

Mitzy wrote:

married friends that I meet up with regularly for a bite to eat & a few drinks. I've noticed over the last year or so that the only topic for conversation with them is their marriages & their kids. Seriously this is the ONLY thing they talk about which is just so sad & boring

All parents are guilty of that to some degree, new parents especially. Babies are all-consuming and difficult sometimes _ I've had 3, I should know. You may well be as guilty if you have one (or more - the chance of multiple births rises with age too!) but be warned that even in a stable relationship, it's seriously hard, so I assume it's harder as a singleton. And no I wouldn't assume you're a lesbian.

Is this the general view that if someone isn't married or in a serious relationship by their mid 30's that they must be gay???

I suspect you're being arch.

hc

witchywoman

i think that until you have your own child you never understand what all the fuss is about, your life will change beyond all recognition, i knowi have 2 sets of twins!!i am in my thirties and do have several friends who are still single and childless, its not that we have nothing in common, its just that we dont share the same priorities. i do have a friend who considered having a baby in her 40s and her doctor ran her out of the surgery and said that she would be highly irresponsible to consider having a child at that age, even though she is fit and a non smoker, she was heartbroken, nobody had told her that it was a bad idea at her age, i honestly think that if you are going to have kids, you should have them in your twenties, our bodies age faster than we think.

John Mason

witchywoman wrote:

honestly think that if you are going to have kids, you should have them in your twenties, our bodies age faster than we think.

which is a great idea if you are in serious relationship in your 20's what happens to the rest of us who are not lucky enough to meet the right person. should we subjected to abuse just because we bred? and to be honest, i think my friends are benefiting a lot more because i dont have kids, they get the expensive presents, the days out, sleep overs in my house etc. and as they are getting older they have the cool aunty to talk to

LegacyUser

In response to the OPs post and questions, I think you need to find new friends with whom you have more in common.
That's not to say you should cut contact with your old friends, but obviously their conversation isn't working for you.
If, as you say, you're "made feel guilty" for going away on holidays maybe you have outgrown those friendships.

Have you any interests or hobbies outside work? I meet all sorts of people at my club, married and single of all ages.
Their marital/parental status is irrelevant because we're all interested in the same thing, so conversations and nights out are never dominated by kid talk.

I have friends with kids, and friends without. One particular mum talks endlessly about her son. One childless friend talks endlessly about her job.
It can be equally boring!

Mitzy wrote:

Anyway a comment was made by one of the girls about her work collegues. She said that the only women in her organisation that gets promoted are the "lesbians" with no children!! I was totally taken aback. I didn't say anything at the time but it's been bugging me ever since.
Is this the general view that if someone isn't married or in a serious relationship by their mid 30's that they must be gay???

Unfortunately it's a fact of life that women with kids are not viewed the same as a woman without kids when it comes to promotions at work. It's not right, but it's true.
Believe it or not, there is one woman in a managerial position where I work and she is gay and open about that.
So that comment was probably directed more at the unfairness in general than a dig at childless women in their 30s.

txt_mess

Have to say am 28 with a child and yes me and the other half spend a lot of time talking about our little girl mainly because after work thats how we spend the majority of our time. In many ways I am jealous of the single approach to life and the benefits but hey both ways have their up and downs.

As for being single at 35 who cares I wouldn't be othered by it I wouldn't assume some is gay or more importantly a nightmare to get on with I would just assume they don't want to get with someone full time or haven't had the right opportunity yet.

As for your 'friend in the office' that comment speaks more to the fact she's annoyed no one has promoted her probably not to do with her personal situation but to do with her lack of ability.

SarahSassy

modalcommand wrote:

Thats fine if your life is going that way. I just have a problem with careerist women who have their life plan and who sneer at younger women having children. Then when it turns out they can't get pregnant they wonder whats wrong.

There are 'careeriest' (stupid word) women who have kids and manage their careers, there are younger women who cant have children, there are younger women who have unhealthy children and there are women in their 30's and 40's who have healthy kids easily.

I do not know one women who is 'careerist' enough to avoid having kids for her job. The main problem is that Mr Right hasnt come along and I for one would not settle and choose a substandard Father for my children. I would prefer to wait til the right man comes along and try ot have kids then.

Sounds like you are jealous of women with careers - chip & shoulder????I also think that parents should recognise that while theie little darlings are the most interesting and important things in the world for them - in general they are not that interesting to anyone else.

jdivision

OP, I empathise. I'm reluctant to go drinking or even go out with any of my mates who have kids. I suppose I thought they'd view it as a way of forgetting (not the right word, maybe a release) about it for an evening but instead they rabbit on and on about it. Too boring for words. Having said that not many of my mates have kids yet so I can only imagine what the others'll be like when they do.

greenteaicedtea

As for having kids when older - sure, the chances of problems increase, but it's not like you've suddenly got a 90% chance of giving birth to a child with a deformity.

It's not a deformity I'm worried about, it's about whether I can have kids at all, the older I get. My menstrual cycle is already starting to change.

dame

SarahSassy wrote:

I do not know one women who is 'careerist' enough to avoid having kids for her job.

I do. I know two of them. One says she's never having kids, she loves her job too much, the other says shell retire at 40 and have kids then. Both are married for a couple of years. One had an abortion a few years ago (the now hubby was the boyfriend then and was (probably) the father (she wasn't sure). The other's husband can't wait to have kids. We work in a very male-oriented job with few women and some of the women in that environment can get absolutely obsessed with bettering the men around them.

SarahSassy

Well good luck to them.

What Im saying is that not every girl who finds her career important and who doesnt have kids is putting it off for her job.