Bizarre girl situation

Evil Phil

I haven't read through all of the posts so I may be repeating. For whatever reason OP this girl has told you she's not interested. That's the be-all and end-all. You can spend the rest of you life obsesing over why but its not going to change it. She doesn't want to be with you. Its awful I know but thats the way of the world.

Just be glad that you can easily open yourself up to the possibility of a relationship and move one. You'll meet somebode else.

Fanny Cradock

You last post was a bit vague. However, if it was her express intention to make you feel like crap then consider the very real possibility that you have dodged a bullet. The alternative to the above is that your feeling of worthlessness was self inflicted - a bit of jealously maybe. Whatever the reason, this whole thing that you have with her is neither positive positive nor beneficial to you.

The prudent choice would seem to be a gradual reduction in the amount of interaction you have with her, until finally there is none. That means no instant messaging, emails, texts, carrier pigeons or arranging hopeful assignations. Don't lose the rag, nor turn into a blubbering idiot - end it quietly, with a whimper, so to speak. Thus you maintain your dignity and move on on to greener pastures.

LegacyUser

Wow, those are some pretty profound replies guys thanks :-) I can definitely see what you're saying about me doing as much damage as she did. I have a long history of being over analytical and insecure, always comparing myself to others and belittling myself! When I'm going out with or even just seeing a girl, I have a tendency to sort of idolise or put them up on a pedestal to which I can never reach myself. With this girl it was just that she was from a nice part of Dublin, had loads and loads of friends, was well educated and so forth so subconsciously I think "god ill never compare to that" although I do have good friends and have just been accepted into a masters. Maybe im not such a chud after all haha! it sounds like I have mental issues but I think im reasonably normal. I think im going to book an appointment with a counsellor ive been going to for a few years. Probably the best avenue to follow

~Leanne~

Was so sad to read through this, you seem like a lovely genuine guy.
Wish you all the best in meeting someone soon!

Wibbs

hurtandconfused wrote:

I can definitely see what you're saying about me doing as much damage as she did.

Maybe, but stop beating yourself up about it and just simply learn from it. It's as easy as that. One biggy, don't jump in with both feet into a new relationship. Don't spill your guts and come across as too nice a guy. Big mistake. Don't be to quick to let them spill their guts too much either. Don't just be their shrink. Help them, yes, support them, but not to the detriment of the relationship. That may work for a while, but if the woman only thinks of you as someone like that and not great crack to be around, it won't last. Be considerate, kind etc, but keep some mystery. Keep some independence or you'll always end up in the friend zone. I've noticed really good couples(which are all too rare) there is still an element of surprise with each other, no matter how long they've been together.

I have a long history of being over analytical and insecure, always comparing myself to others and belittling myself!

Women will sniff this from a mile off and it's the first red flag that'll put them off. They want a man not an insecure boy. They don't want to be your girlfriend and they don't want to be your big sister/mother. Actually, they may want that, but you shouldn't. Not if you want a girlfriend.

When I'm going out with or even just seeing a girl, I have a tendency to sort of idolise or put them up on a pedestal to which I can never reach myself.

Second red flag. they'll sniff this one too. Smacks of desperation. Put it this way, if show that you don't value yourself, how the hell do you expect a woman to? You should value yourself more than her. Why? because you are. You're the only one you've truly got in this life. You're the most important person in your life. Why value someone more? In any case, you valuing yourself will make a better relationship for them too.

With this girl it was just that she was from a nice part of Dublin, had loads and loads of friends, was well educated and so forth so subconsciously I think "god ill never compare to that"

So what? There are literally 1000's of women who are in exactly the same category. 1000's

although I do have good friends and have just been accepted into a masters.

Not much use if you don't believe it or at least project that belief about yourself.

Maybe im not such a chud after all haha!

That's more like it. Start really appreciating and believing that. Believe that you are worthwhile and any woman would be lucky to know you, never mind be your girlfriend.

it sounds like I have mental issues but I think im reasonably normal.

I don't know why you would even think you have mental issues. Personally I think you're fine. You'll be a hell of a lot better if you start, I mean really start to believe inn yourself and believe you deserve the best, in every facet of your life.

I think im going to book an appointment with a counsellor ive been going to for a few years. Probably the best avenue to follow

Maybe, maybe not. IMHO, it depends on the question you want answering. If it's to build your self image fine. If it's to drag up the past and the questions you already know the answers to, I'm not so sure. Introspection has it's uses, but only if it's as an end to positive change not an end in itself. All to often the latter trap is the one people fall into.

x Purple Pawprints x

Just tell her how you feel about her. It's her loss anyway, remember that.

Ok I know I'm going to sound like a complete eejit here.. but what does QFT mean?

mathie

Jane_LS_88 wrote:

Ok I know I'm going to sound like a complete eejit here.. but what does QFT mean?

She's an eejit get her!


If in doubt ... wikipedia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/QFT

M

sweet-rasmus

you have to leave the thought of you and her be.
sure, you guys had fun together, and nobody will take that lovely memory away. but it's clear she's not interested. leave it in the past and continue your search for another lovely lady. don't let it get you down!! good luck

Wibbs

Jane_LS_88 wrote:

Just tell her how you feel about her.

My opinion? Don't. She already knows so why add to it? If she doesn't know she's not the sharpest axe in the shed. Either way telling her any more won't change anything. IMHO too many people talk the good talk and tell their partners or potential partners about how much they care. It's far better to show it.

It's her loss anyway, remember that.

Agreed.