Always paying for sex

LegacyUser

I never had any real relationships in school or college. Shortly after leaving college, I lost my virginity to a prostitute. Ever since then, the only sex I've ever had is with prostitutes. I can easily go three or four months without sex, but then may visit prostitutes once a week for a few weeks.

I'm now 36 and consider myself pretty "normal" in most other departments, but I'm very shy when sober and tend to get tired very quickly when drunk so often have no inclination to go trying to chat up women in nightclubs or wherever. So I've always turned to prostitutes for sex as it's a pretty straight-forward transaction with no strings attached.

Does this sound "normal" to you? Or do you find it wierd/freaky/sick/sad/whatever?

o1s1n

I wouldnt necessarily see it as normal behavior..although I wouldn't go so far as to call it "sick".

If you have no trouble going up to a complete stranger and offering her money for sex, I don't understand why you cant walk up to a stranger in a club for a chat. Surely seeking prostitutes is much more nerve wracking?

davyjose

Your language seems to suggest that you're telling yourself this is the only possible recourse.
Maybe see a therapist about your inability or disinclination to socialise "normally" (I hate that word) with women. And remember there are many different ways to meet women, aside from nightclubs.

Hagar

You seem to have discovered the secret to having a "quiet" life.
You don't have to buy an orchard to enjoy the occassional apple.
Fair play to you.
Just make sure you stay healthy.

Gurgle

PayForIt wrote:

Does this sound "normal" to you? Or do you find it wierd/freaky/sick/sad/whatever?

Not normal imo.
But not wierd, not freaky, certainly not sick.
A little sad at first glance, but I don't know you or what you want out of life.

Honestly, I believe its a more healthy sex life than a stream of one night stands but it has probably gotten in the way of you developing a relationship.

If you want to change, to put yourself in a frame of mind more conducive to forming a relationship then therapy is probably a good idea.

If you're single and happy that way, I can't fault your lifestyle choice. Your chances of a long and healthy life are better using professionals to scratch that itch than slappers.

LegacyUser

o1s1n wrote:

...If you have no trouble going up to a complete stranger and offering her money for sex, I don't understand why you cant walk up to a stranger in a club for a chat. Surely seeking prostitutes is much more nerve wracking?

The funny thing is that it is not that nerve wracking seeing prostitutes at all (after the first few times). The prostitute more or less knows what you want the minute she lays eyes on you, so there is no pretence or no show. It's only a matter of agreeing the "services" and a price. This makes it all seem quite natural and honest for me.

davyjose wrote:

Maybe see a therapist about your inability or disinclination to socialise "normally" (I hate that word) with women.

Again, the funny thing is that I can socialise very well with women when I know there's no sexual element. E.g. with relatives, girlfriends of friends, work-colleagues (don't believe in work relationships if possible), married women in general etc. I often get on better with women than men in these contexts.

But once sex enters the equation everything changes. I sometimes think it's fear of rejection or fear of not being able to perform. Dunno really....

seahorse

I found reading your posts very sad OP, not sad as in pathetic, just sad as in sad. While you are avoiding forming sexual relationships with women you are also missing out on the companionship those relationships afford, and that really is the best part. It's an awful lot to lose OP, and when the day comes that you do form a proper relationship, how can you possibly be honest with your partner about your sexual past?

I also feel you are far safer getting your sexual release from prostitutes, who no doubt will be insisting on protected sex, than you would be having unprotected sex with random women in nightclubs. But no matter what the scenario, if you are avoiding forming real and lasting relationships, that's not healthy and it'll do you nothing but damage emotionally and psychologically in the long term.

I'd encourage you to seek out a therapist who's area of expertise is sexuality. I wish you the best of luck.

Dr. Seuss

PayForIt wrote:

Does this sound "normal" to you? Or do you find it wierd/freaky/sick/sad/whatever?

Normal? No.
Wierd? No.
Feaky? No.
Sick? No.
Sad? Yes.

Try to break the routine before it's to late, man!

o1s1n

PayForIt wrote:

The funny thing is that it is not that nerve wracking seeing prostitutes at all (after the first few times).

You know, another funny thing is that it's not that nerve wracking chatting up girls after the first few times

The first time you went to see a prostitute there must have been fear and apprehension there. But you overcame it. Now it doesn't bother you.

There is also fear and apprehension here. They may be different fears. But, not wanting to sound too much like Dr. Phil here, fear is fear. If you can overcome the fears of seeing a prostitute then you should be able to eventually get your head around to doing this.

As someone said, you don't have to go to clubs to meet women. None of the relationships I've ever had have started like that. You said you get on with women better then men? great! Maybe one of those relationships will flourish into something else.

humbert

It's perfectly logical, if you don't miss the emotional connection and companionship then I wouldn't get worked up about it. it's not a physiological disorder or anything. Some people will judge you, that doesn't mean it's wrong, just that you shouldn't mention it to some people.

BTW do you have many friends? A lot of relationships start through shared friends.

JohnMc1

I might have to start going that route too. Most women I know are either already involved or just plain no interested in me.

Sounds like you have emotional problems dealing with relationships
it's not normal, and it's sad
maybe go talk to someone irl about it

DeiseGal

I think you need to think ahead, you are 36 yrs of age, you need to think of the repercussions that may come from this when you do meet a future gf/wife. Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past.

G&T

DeiseGal wrote:

I think you need to think ahead, you are 36 yrs of age, you need to think of the repercussions that may come from this when you do meet a future gf/wife. Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past.

Harsh but true,

Therapy sound like a good idea,you need to find out why you feel this way.
Real life is not like pretty woman,if you want a wife/kid's stop now and seek help.

finbarrk

DeiseGal wrote:

I think you need to think ahead, you are 36 yrs of age, you need to think of the repercussions that may come from this when you do meet a future gf/wife. Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past.

Yes but any future partner that he has wont need to know about his past, thats his own buisness. I think if he feels like doing that he is entitled to, its not easy for a lot of guys to meet girls and have a sexual relationship so they use prostitutes, nothing wrong with it as far as I'm concerned.

Binomate

Do what you would to get sex from a prostitute only don't offer to pay. Problem solved.

LegacyUser

'I'd say it's a lot less sad than all the serial monogamists out there who feel the constant need to have a significant other, ultimately for self validation. If you're happy then all's well.'

Evil Phil

PayForIt wrote:

I'm very shy when sober and tend to get tired very quickly when drunk so often have no inclination to go trying to chat up women in nightclubs or wherever.

The nightclub/pub scene is a really hard place to meet somebody, probably because so few people are sober. Join a club of some discription. Preferable one with a lot of members who happen to be female. Then just socialise and stop worrying about chatting up women. You'll meet someone eventually.

And get an STI check, just for your own safety and well being.

DeiseGal

finbarrk wrote:

Yes but any future partner that he has wont need to know about his past, thats his own buisness. I think if he feels like doing that he is entitled to, its not easy for a lot of guys to meet girls and have a sexual relationship so they use prostitutes, nothing wrong with it as far as I'm concerned.

Really, so you think that if you were married to someone for 30 odd years that you would never tell me. You would have that constantly in the back of your mind but you would NEVER tell. Dont be silly!

Jack Bauer999

DeiseGal wrote:

Really, so you think that if you were married to someone for 30 odd years that you would never tell me. You would have that constantly in the back of your mind but you would NEVER tell. Dont be silly!

How exactly is it silly?,

What's the difference between
A) some drunk "loose woman" that the OP meets in a nightclub and buys her drink, takes her home shag*s
her and never sees her again
Taking a prostitute home, pays her money and sha*gs her.

He paying for sex both ways but with option B he's cutting out falling around a nightclub and trying to stumble home
holding up his 'conquest' !


Would you tell your partner of all the sexual conquests you have before him.

Of course you would not, nobody want to hear the explicit details of who their wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend shagged before they met them.

That’s the Op's past and his own personal business.

I presume from "Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past" that you have had a perfect life up till now.

vorbis

as a guy, i wouldn't blame a girl for dumping a guy who has had a constant stream of prostitutes. If I'm being honest, there's something distinctly pathetic about it. Having one night stands at least shows that you can get women to willingly sleep with you.

You've basically avoided having a proper relationship with women for 16 years. Time is beginning to run out man. If you're genuinely happy with your situation then fine, otherwise you'll need to start talking to women and going on dates, fast!

Deediddums

To be honest asides from the obvious question of whether or not it's sad, which it is clearly, I'm surprised that no one has commented on the moral side of things. If a woman wants to sell her body fair enough and if a man wants to buy it equally so. The reality however is that a large percentage of prostitutes out there are the victims of human trafficing. This means that the situation is not as black and white as saying it's an honest transaction because many of these unfortunate women are unwilling parties.

LegacyUser

For some guys, this is their only means of ever getting any pussy in life.

Yes - they might 'get on' very well with wimmin in general.

BUT - they always end up on 'the friend's ladder' ; and,
not 'the shagging ladder' !

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

So, wear your 'rubber helmut' and stay safe !

DeiseGal

Jack Bauer999 wrote:

How exactly is it silly?,

What's the difference between
A) some drunk "loose woman" that the OP meets in a nightclub and buys her drink, takes her home shag*s
her and never sees her again
Taking a prostitute home, pays her money and sha*gs her.

He paying for sex both ways but with option B he's cutting out falling around a nightclub and trying to stumble home
holding up his 'conquest' !


Would you tell your partner of all the sexual conquests you have before him.

Of course you would not, nobody want to hear the explicit details of who their wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend shagged before they met them.

That’s the Op's past and his own personal business.

I presume from "Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past" that you have had a perfect life up till now.

It is only my opinion, but i meant silly in the sense that someone honestly thinks that they will be able to keep that from there gf/wife for the length of there marriage which could be 30 - 40 years. He obviously has an issue with it himself already, why else would he be posting it here.
Plus its not his past, its his present and possibly his future if he doesnt end it now.
As for dumping him, of course i would, hes been paying for sex - alarm bells!

Marksie

OP you have effectively avoided one of the great pleasures of lovemaking, intimacy, by 100% use of prostitues.
Even in a one night stand there is some level of interaction on an intimate level. The person is actually there present with you. the other is simply a commercial and physical transaction.

If the pure relief of the physical is what you are after then stay as you are.
I suspect that you want more, the intimacy and exploration that comes with actually being with someone.

If the latter is the case, it is time to look at yourself and why you are frightened of being intimate, it runs to much more than shyness or an inability to form relationships to my mind some of your reasons for not forming such relationships are just excuses to fool yourself.

If you do form a relationsip..do you tell. Well thats up to you. whether you can set aside your past. Or dodge the questions of asked, or be honest. It depends on the person you are with and how you handle your internal feelings....

LegacyUser

I don't think the fact that he uses hookers is a reflection on his ability with women. Some guys (like me) want to have sex regularly, and if you're single and not getting any, well paying is an option. I've had one night stands, f**k buddies, hookers, all of that stuff, and yeah banging hookers may not be the most satisfying experience, but it's pretty good sometimes, better than just jerking off anyway. I'm sure if I ever settle down with a girl I really love, I wouldn't pay for sex, but right now I'm not getting any, I was never the type to pick up girls regularly, so the odd time I would pay for sex. My friends know this, even some of my female friends, and they don't care, they know I'm a good guy. If a girl dumps you for the fact you've been with hookers, she's not worth it. Women can get sex whenever they want, men have a greater need for the physical aspect of it and most of us can't just go out and pick up a chick every saturday night, women can pick up guys every weekend if they like.
Anyway, why would you tell your partner you've paid for sex? Jesus, it's no big deal to me, or the OP obviously, so we just wouldn't tell them. It's not like we're going to be racked with guilt and dishonesty for the duration of the relationship, LOL!

finbarrk

DeiseGal wrote:

Really, so you think that if you were married to someone for 30 odd years that you would never tell me. You would have that constantly in the back of your mind but you would NEVER tell. Dont be silly!

Thats not being silly, its just the way it is, everybody isn't the same, so some people wont tell their lifelong partner about their sexual past, obviously you would and I wouldn't!

LegacyUser

'plus, as far as I'm concerned, your partner's sexual history should not be an issue, why you would even ask is beyond me.'

DeiseGal

finbarrk wrote:

Thats not being silly, its just the way it is, everybody isn't the same, so some people wont tell their lifelong partner about their sexual past, obviously you would and I wouldn't!

As stated in my post, if you had taken the time to read it properly - i stated that this was my opinion on the matter - you dont have to agree or disagree with me.

LaVidaLoca

Are they not all horrible heroin-addicted mankbags in Adidas?

Or do they import them now?

While I can understand visiting a brasser if you've really been in the graveyard sex-wise for 6 months or more (just to remind you what it's like)

I honestly think it's a really bad idea to make a habit of it. You need to learn how to interact with women in a sexual way when there's no money/intoxiction involved.

Granted you live in one of the worst countries in the world for this, as most Irish people start drinking at about the same time they lose their virginity, and pretty much every sexual experience thereafter is done 5 sheets to the wind.

Deediddums

Annually, thousands of people (largely women and children), fall victim to trafficking for exploitation or other purposes. Action to combat trafficking in human beings is receiving world-wide attention because the trafficking threatens the human rights and the fundamental values of democratic societies. One way to help this action would be to make sure you are not part of the horrific exploitation.

Oryx

I dont think theres anything to be gained by judging the OP or arguing the rights and wrongs of prostitution here.

I dont think youre weird sick or anything else. You found a solution to your needs that suited you for a while. The fact that you are asking us if its normal must mean youre beginning to question whether youre happy to continue doing this yourself.

I dont really care about normality when it comes to sex. One mans normal is another mans sick perversion.:D Its all part of life, we do different things. But what you are doing IS lonely. You are missing out on a huge amount of intimacy and closeness that can make sex much more than a physical act.

A poster has already said that if you can conquer the fear of visiting a pro, then you can conquer the fear of meeting a woman normally, if you want to. But its going to be different and challenging. Right now sex is a physical thing, a business transaction. And on a certain level, its safe. Having a relationship is a whole other can of worms, theres a lot more risk involved. If you really are happy with your life right now, grand. If not, well start taking new risks.:)

LegacyUser

Some people here have mentioned - 'trafficking' ...

Well ... it's not the most glamorous job in the world ... But ...
Let me just point out that I do know some wimmin who are
prostituting themselves out of their own free will - purely for
the huge sums of money they are making. One even got her
tits 'done' over the Christmas holidays - just to look a little
better for the customers. I could give some other examples
too.

But - yes - one has to be vigilent for those who have
been 'trafficked' as well.

Deediddums

Exactly, if you read my first point I mentioned that between mutually consenting adults I didn't feel it was anyone elses place to moralise.

However in a general discussion on whether using this service was wrong/sick/pathetic/sad etc I do believe that the very real and scary reality that women are routinely trafficked all over the world and forced to engage in the provision of sexual services (READ :Raped) and that in seeking validation for himself, the OP should be made aware of this fact and that those telling him it is normal should also be aware. On the other hand if he uses a prostitute whom he knows to be a willing "trader" then I suppose that's his business, despite the obvious comment that it would take some amount of desperation to drive MOST normal women to this trade, all though there are admittedly a rare few.

AngryBadger

nobigdeal2 wrote:

Women can get sex whenever they want, men have a greater need for the physical aspect of it and most of us can't just go out and pick up a chick every saturday night, women can pick up guys every weekend if they like.

QFT

OP I think if you're asking the question then you feel there's something wrong yourself.

Might not do any harm to talk to a councillor of some description, or even to a close friend.

I don't advocate prostitution, but I know plenty of people who have "availed" themselves from time to time. not my cup of tea, don't really see the point of it. But I'm not about to call you down for it either.

the_syco

DeiseGal wrote:

Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past.

Many women would dump their partners if they knew that they were number 3... that month. Men have dumped their partners if they think that the woman wasn't avirgin before she met him. Generalisation: men and women are sometimes stupid in this regard.

Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past

I wonder would the poster dump her man if she found out that he was whacking off?

=-=

Some people are happy flying in a plane. Some need to take hold and fly it themseves.

Jotter

finbarrk wrote:

Yes but any future partner that he has wont need to know about his past, thats his own buisness.

Hmm yes he wouldnt HAVE to tell a future partner about his past but in saying this if I shacked up with a bloke and he didnt tell me about his prostitute past and I found out he'd be dumped in a second. If he told me upstraight then I could maybe (maybe) get past it but I would be insisting on a full std check first, that would be my main concern no matter how careful he was.

OP I think its something you need to sort out, you cant be that happy with it or you wouldnt have posted here wondering what others think.

AngryBadger

Jotter wrote:

Hmm yes he wouldnt HAVE to tell a future partner about his past but in saying this if I shacked up with a bloke and he didnt tell me about his prostitute past and I found out he'd be dumped in a second.

In fairness, it's naieve to think you're going to know everything about the guy/girl you're going out with. And if your partner had been with prostitutes in th e past so what? Barring he had some STD his past has nothign to do with you.

In any case, in a relationship there's no way to know FOR ABSOLUTE CERTAIN that ANYTHING your partner tells you is any aprt of the truth. We reach a certain stage and we realise this, so the adults in the world decide,

"ok maybe there are some things i DO want to know, but I have to accept there are tonnes of other things which I would probably find horrible that I may or may not ever know about"

Once you reach THAt stage, you're willing to accept your aprtner AS YOU FIND THEM. Not based on their past, or your own aprticular perspective on the universe.

For the record, not endorsing prostitutes, prostitution or any ancilalry activities or industries!

Jotter

AngryBadger wrote:

In fairness, it's naieve to think you're going to know everything about the guy/girl you're going out with. And if your partner had been with prostitutes in th e past so what? Barring he had some STD his past has nothign to do with you.

In any case, in a relationship there's no way to know FOR ABSOLUTE CERTAIN that ANYTHING your partner tells you is any aprt of the truth.

Im married to a bloke I met in work. Before we started going out we went to the pub alot so secrets were flying all over the place - after a few drinks people tend to tell me things that they prob shouldnt - anyway, there are things hes done that I dont agree with and vice versa but nothing that put me off. I am aware that I am in a different position to most people in that we were mates first therefore were more open to each other from the start but I am confident in saying that I know everything I need to about him big and small and Im sure hed say the same about me. We are comfortable enough in ourselves to open ourselves up to the person we love and trust and naieve or not I think this is the way it should be in a serious relationship.

If my partner had said he was with a prostitute in the past it would bother me. My main concern would be stds but also why he used them, like what problems did he have to use them in the first place? imo you wouldnt use a prostitute unless you had a problem with emotions or sex or the like (just imo though). Sometimes a persons past has a bearing on their future, particularly when it comes to relationships.

If it was a once off then I would get over it quicker but regular use wouldnt appeal to me at all. I worked somewhere that I came into occasional contact with prostitutes and on a couple of occassions their clients ( i even looked out the window one day only to see them in action - nice:rolleyes: ) so this wouldnt help his case !

I do know of one person who used a prostitute and it did change my opinion of him a bit, I saw that hes not as confident as he makes out, hes still a nice guy but I deffo saw him in a different light when he told me, not in a bad way, just different.

Unfortunately I think if the OP were to get a serious girlfriend and was in the prediciment of to tell or not to tell it would be a total catch 22 so if I were him Id just get tested regularly so at least if any future girlies did find out he could reassure them hes clean as im sure this would be the first question asked.

Funny enough having seen the set up in Amsterdam and the girls over there I can see why someone would want to use a prostitute, the girls on the main strip are drop dead gorgeous but having seen the set up and the girls over here (ie mostly drug addicts giving blow jobs down laneways) the whole situation is just so so sad that I dont really get how men can see past it to sex. But thats just me

rsynnott

I personally think it's utterly morally derelict, and I can't believe that it really makes you that happy. (It is, of course, also illegal.) However, this is really something that you'll have to sort out for yourself.

AngryBadger

Jotter wrote:

Im married to a bloke I met in work. Before we started going out we went to the pub alot so secrets were flying all over the place ... I am confident in saying that I know everything I need to about him big and small and Im sure hed say the same about me. We are comfortable enough in ourselves to open ourselves up to the person we love and trust and naieve or not I think this is the way it should be in a serious relationship.

If my partner had said he was with a prostitute in the past it would bother me. My main concern would be stds but also why he used them, like what problems did he have to use them in the first place?

I agree with all these points. That is definitely the way it should be ain a serious relationship, you've already made the choice that you trust your partner, obviously this is based on the fact that you were friends before you became partners and you already know a huge amount of very personal info about him. I think that's exactly how a relationship SHOULD work. Kudos to you on that!

Reagrding the OP and his use of prostitutes, a few women have come on and been completely lambasting the OP for this practice, and as I've said aside form the STD risk (which I hope the OP has enough sense to protect himself against!) I don't understand why they'd completely write someone off for that practice.

If the OP is using prostitutes, I'm not saying he has a problem, (although I do think he would benefit from talking toa professional), but i do think he's probably missing out on a huge slice of life. But that's the short and long of it. If he's using protection, then his being with prostitutes is no different to him sleeping with a string of different women and I don't hold with judging someone based on somehting in their past (there are exceptions obviously).

As you've said yourself finding out that your partner had been with a prostitute will change your opinion of them, but unless you're a complete fool you should alread know the person you're ina relationship with well enough that you can accept whatever they got up to in the past.

So I just don't get where all this talk about dumping people because of their sexual history comes from.

And I'm tlaking about men AND women here.

rsynnott

AngryBadger wrote:

Reagrding the OP and his use of prostitutes, a few women have come on and been completely lambasting the OP for this practice, and as I've said aside form the STD risk (which I hope the OP has enough sense to protect himself against!) I don't understand why they'd completely write someone off for that practice.

Well, there's a pretty serious moral issue. Many prostitutes are victims of human trafficking, or otherwise exploited. It's about the closest thing to slavery you'll find in the developed world. Of course, I'm sure if you were very careful and asked around you could find happy well-adjusted independent prostitutes, but realistically, do many prostitute users do this?

I don't think I'd go out with anyone who'd used a prostitute. The whole idea makes my skin crawl.

AngryBadger

rsynnott wrote:

Well, there's a pretty serious moral issue. Many prostitutes are victims of human trafficking, or otherwise exploited. It's about the closest thing to slavery you'll find in the developed world. Of course, I'm sure if you were very careful and asked around you could find happy well-adjusted independent prostitutes, but realistically, do many prostitute users do this?

I don't think I'd go out with anyone who'd used a prostitute. The whole idea makes my skin crawl.

Yeah there is a moral issue there, but equally so if the OP is a guy who jsut goes pays for the services he wants and leaves, then there's not really a major moral issue there.

Of course we could get into the whole "but you're perpetuating an amoral industry..." line, but I don't honestly believe that, men need sex, we need sex in a way that many women do not. Some women are willing so sell sex in exchange for currency, in fairness some women sell sex for relationships. So if we're going to start condemning prostitutes and all people who use them, then we need to start condemning a lot of other non-prostitute demographics as well.

Out of genuins curiousity, why would you not date someone who had useda prostitute in the past?

LegacyUser

Jesus Christ, a lot of the people here are so clueless, going on about human trafficking and STDs. Did you ever for a moment realise that there are 100s of professional "escorts" working in Ireland now, who practice VERY safe sex, not because they're forced in any way, but because they enjoy what they do, and because it pays a bloody fortune!! This notion that they're all starving cargo truck immigrants and heroin addicts is so out of touch, you all need to wake up and smell the massage oil...

And girls, you have to learn to like and love the person you met, regardless of his sexual past, he may have slept with 100s of women on one night stands, might have banged a few hookers on holidays too, maybe he even experimented with other men for all you know. If he really loves you, he's never going to tell you! And why would you want to know? If the man of your dreams that you have fallen in love with turns around one day and tells you that he had a rough time and was confused at one stage in his life and regularly used prostitutes for a year or so, you would just dump him? Would you not try to understand why he done it and be glad that he met you and doesn't do it anymore? Well in my opinion you're a far worse and heartless person than a prostitute user. Christ the bloody naiivety of some people... wake up. The profession has been around since the dawn of civilisation.

rsynnott

nobigdeal wrote:

Jesus Christ, a lot of the people here are so clueless, going on about human trafficking and STDs. Did you ever for a moment realise that there are 100s of professional "escorts" working in Ireland now, who practice VERY safe sex, not because they're forced in any way, but because they enjoy what they do, and because it pays a bloody fortune!! This notion that they're all starving cargo truck immigrants and heroin addicts is so out of touch, you all need to wake up and smell the massage oil...

Oh, I'm sure lots of them love it, and are doing it entirely of their own accord! That doesn't alter the fact that many of the others are trafficked persons.

AngryBadger wrote:

Of course we could get into the whole "but you're perpetuating an amoral industry..." line, but I don't honestly believe that, men need sex, we need sex in a way that many women do not. Some women are willing so sell sex in exchange for currency, in fairness some women sell sex for relationships. So if we're going to start condemning prostitutes and all people who use them, then we need to start condemning a lot of other non-prostitute demographics as well.

My problem with prostitution is not that selling sex is immoral per-se (I don't think it is, though it's not a transaction I'd care to be on either end of myself) but because in this country and most others, it is (in many cases) a horrifically exploitative industry. And "men need sex" is not an excuse to allow human trafficking. Let them ****.

AngryBadger wrote:

Out of genuins curiousity, why would you not date someone who had useda prostitute in the past?

Because, as far as I can see, there is no real way to tell whether they'd been using a sex slave. And in any case, I don't really understand why anyone would want to have sex without mutual attraction. Using a prostitute must surely be enormously humiliating?

nobigdeal wrote:

... Would you not try to understand why he done it and be glad that he met you and doesn't do it anymore? Well in my opinion you're a far worse and heartless person than a prostitute user. Christ the bloody naiivety of some people... wake up. The profession has been around since the dawn of civilisation.

As, indeed, has simple slavery. Being old doesn't make something good or ethically valid. And no, I wouldn't feel happy that he didn't do it anymore; I'd wonder what was wrong with him that he felt the need to do it in the first place.

(Please note, by the way, that I'm a homosexual male. My perspective may not be typical.)

Some information on human trafficking here: http://www.irishrefugeecouncil.ie/press06/trafficking.html - note that many of the people involved are under 18, or were when they were first trafficked. This is a modern slave trade.

LegacyUser

'above poster - believe me, in Ireland it's quite easy to find a girl that you'll be 100% sure is not being trafficked, I wont go into detail but if you had experience in this area you'd know how it is. It's really not a "horribly exploitive" industry in this country. The majority of working girls here nowadys, are in fancy private apartments, and are either from the UK or Western Europe/Accession states, who come here on visists for a week or so at a time, because they earn a HELL OF A LOT more money here than they do in the rest of Europe, probably because there is NO local competition, Irish girls just don't do it, except for your odd heroin addict on the street.

And you're saying you wouldn't date someone who had been with one in case they were with a sex slave? That is just stupid, sorry.

And yes, men need sex more so than women, we don't need the emotional claptrap, we can just bang away for a few minutes and we're happy. What harm is going on if both parties are getting what they want?'

rsynnott

nobigdeal wrote:

'above poster - believe me, in Ireland it's quite easy to find a girl that you'll be 100% sure is not being trafficked, I wont go into detail but if you had experience in this area you'd know how it is. It's really not a "horribly exploitive" industry in this country. The majority of working girls here nowadys, are in fancy private apartments, and are either from the UK or Western Europe/Accession states, who come here on visists for a week or so at a time, because they earn a HELL OF A LOT more money here than they do in the rest of Europe, probably because there is NO local competition, Irish girls just don't do it, except for your odd heroin addict on the street.

And are they free to go at any time? I'm including responsibility to repay illicit extortionate-interest loans to pimps in this. Because otherwise, it's very hard to see how the sex that they have is even consensual. I'm also very sceptical of it being possible to avoid slave-based brothels entirely; how would you really know?

nobigdeal wrote:

And you're saying you wouldn't date someone who had been with one in case they were with a sex slave? That is just stupid, sorry.

Well, and also because I don't really understand the thinking of people who use prostitutes; I suspect that they have an entirely different attitude to sex than I do. The idea of paying someone who isn't attracted to you to shag them is just weird, and creepy, to me.

nobigdeal wrote:

And yes, men need sex more so than women, we don't need the emotional claptrap, we can just bang away for a few minutes and we're happy. What harm is going on if both parties are getting what they want?'

Assuming that both parties are really getting what they want, and that the prostitute isn't in any way constrained, or required to do it, nothing. (I still wouldn't go out with someone who'd done it, I think; see above). But if the prostitute is being coerced into doing it, then there is no meaningful consent, and I can't really see that it's much different than rape. And no-one NEEDS sex. And there are other ways to get sex than paying for it.

Just my opinions, naturally, though human trafficking is real enough and I don't see how anyone who'd used a slave prostitute, or even weren't entirely sure that they HADN'T used one, could live with themselves.

Beruthiel

Take the discussion off to Humanities folks and get back to the OP's queries.

DeiseGal

the_syco wrote:

Many women would dump their partners if they knew that they were number 3... that month. Men have dumped their partners if they think that the woman wasn't avirgin before she met him. Generalisation: men and women are sometimes stupid in this regard.


I wonder would the poster dump her man if she found out that he was whacking off?

=-=

Some people are happy flying in a plane. Some need to take hold and fly it themseves.

How does that compare to using a prostitute????? Whacking off as you put it, is a natural thing and doesnt every man do it - does every man go to a prostitute and pay for sex - i dont think so!
Pointless comment!

LegacyUser

i think the women on here dont realise the amount of guys that have used
prostitutes, maybe not as frequently as the OP but id say the percentage that have used at least one is massive. As for the ones that say
they would dump thier partner if they found out, belive me you will never
know. No matter how solid you think ur relationship is they will not tell you!

For instance out of all my friends i can only think of 2 guys that i know
have not. These are guys from 20 - 30 that are now married, going out with long term girlfriends and ones that go out and pull a different bird every sat night. Not sad lonely guys that cant get any.

look at amsterdam, every week it full of young irish guys getting stoned and
shaggin prostitutes, some of these are absolutly beautifull women,
women that would be rare to find in ireland never mind sucessfully pull and bring home because most of them have thier head up thier own ass.

anyone ever go to thailand will find a plently irish males sampling the local
wares, are they going to tell thier fucture partners about thier holiday
in thailand back in 2002!

sometimes you just want to bang a beautifull girl without the strings.
If i had a choice between a saggy bellied pint guzzling named Mary or
a 6 ft 8 stone scandivan called Ericka i know which one id prefer!

rachums

That last post is really scary thinking about it... doesnt help with trusting issues!