Always paying for sex

LegacyUser

I never had any real relationships in school or college. Shortly after leaving college, I lost my virginity to a prostitute. Ever since then, the only sex I've ever had is with prostitutes. I can easily go three or four months without sex, but then may visit prostitutes once a week for a few weeks.

I'm now 36 and consider myself pretty "normal" in most other departments, but I'm very shy when sober and tend to get tired very quickly when drunk so often have no inclination to go trying to chat up women in nightclubs or wherever. So I've always turned to prostitutes for sex as it's a pretty straight-forward transaction with no strings attached.

Does this sound "normal" to you? Or do you find it wierd/freaky/sick/sad/whatever?

o1s1n

I wouldnt necessarily see it as normal behavior..although I wouldn't go so far as to call it "sick".

If you have no trouble going up to a complete stranger and offering her money for sex, I don't understand why you cant walk up to a stranger in a club for a chat. Surely seeking prostitutes is much more nerve wracking?

davyjose

Your language seems to suggest that you're telling yourself this is the only possible recourse.
Maybe see a therapist about your inability or disinclination to socialise "normally" (I hate that word) with women. And remember there are many different ways to meet women, aside from nightclubs.

Hagar

You seem to have discovered the secret to having a "quiet" life.
You don't have to buy an orchard to enjoy the occassional apple.
Fair play to you.
Just make sure you stay healthy.

Gurgle

PayForIt wrote:

Does this sound "normal" to you? Or do you find it wierd/freaky/sick/sad/whatever?

Not normal imo.
But not wierd, not freaky, certainly not sick.
A little sad at first glance, but I don't know you or what you want out of life.

Honestly, I believe its a more healthy sex life than a stream of one night stands but it has probably gotten in the way of you developing a relationship.

If you want to change, to put yourself in a frame of mind more conducive to forming a relationship then therapy is probably a good idea.

If you're single and happy that way, I can't fault your lifestyle choice. Your chances of a long and healthy life are better using professionals to scratch that itch than slappers.

LegacyUser

o1s1n wrote:

...If you have no trouble going up to a complete stranger and offering her money for sex, I don't understand why you cant walk up to a stranger in a club for a chat. Surely seeking prostitutes is much more nerve wracking?

The funny thing is that it is not that nerve wracking seeing prostitutes at all (after the first few times). The prostitute more or less knows what you want the minute she lays eyes on you, so there is no pretence or no show. It's only a matter of agreeing the "services" and a price. This makes it all seem quite natural and honest for me.

davyjose wrote:

Maybe see a therapist about your inability or disinclination to socialise "normally" (I hate that word) with women.

Again, the funny thing is that I can socialise very well with women when I know there's no sexual element. E.g. with relatives, girlfriends of friends, work-colleagues (don't believe in work relationships if possible), married women in general etc. I often get on better with women than men in these contexts.

But once sex enters the equation everything changes. I sometimes think it's fear of rejection or fear of not being able to perform. Dunno really....

seahorse

I found reading your posts very sad OP, not sad as in pathetic, just sad as in sad. While you are avoiding forming sexual relationships with women you are also missing out on the companionship those relationships afford, and that really is the best part. It's an awful lot to lose OP, and when the day comes that you do form a proper relationship, how can you possibly be honest with your partner about your sexual past?

I also feel you are far safer getting your sexual release from prostitutes, who no doubt will be insisting on protected sex, than you would be having unprotected sex with random women in nightclubs. But no matter what the scenario, if you are avoiding forming real and lasting relationships, that's not healthy and it'll do you nothing but damage emotionally and psychologically in the long term.

I'd encourage you to seek out a therapist who's area of expertise is sexuality. I wish you the best of luck.

Dr. Seuss

PayForIt wrote:

Does this sound "normal" to you? Or do you find it wierd/freaky/sick/sad/whatever?

Normal? No.
Wierd? No.
Feaky? No.
Sick? No.
Sad? Yes.

Try to break the routine before it's to late, man!

o1s1n

PayForIt wrote:

The funny thing is that it is not that nerve wracking seeing prostitutes at all (after the first few times).

You know, another funny thing is that it's not that nerve wracking chatting up girls after the first few times

The first time you went to see a prostitute there must have been fear and apprehension there. But you overcame it. Now it doesn't bother you.

There is also fear and apprehension here. They may be different fears. But, not wanting to sound too much like Dr. Phil here, fear is fear. If you can overcome the fears of seeing a prostitute then you should be able to eventually get your head around to doing this.

As someone said, you don't have to go to clubs to meet women. None of the relationships I've ever had have started like that. You said you get on with women better then men? great! Maybe one of those relationships will flourish into something else.

humbert

It's perfectly logical, if you don't miss the emotional connection and companionship then I wouldn't get worked up about it. it's not a physiological disorder or anything. Some people will judge you, that doesn't mean it's wrong, just that you shouldn't mention it to some people.

BTW do you have many friends? A lot of relationships start through shared friends.

JohnMc1

I might have to start going that route too. Most women I know are either already involved or just plain no interested in me.

Sounds like you have emotional problems dealing with relationships
it's not normal, and it's sad
maybe go talk to someone irl about it

DeiseGal

I think you need to think ahead, you are 36 yrs of age, you need to think of the repercussions that may come from this when you do meet a future gf/wife. Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past.

G&T

DeiseGal wrote:

I think you need to think ahead, you are 36 yrs of age, you need to think of the repercussions that may come from this when you do meet a future gf/wife. Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past.

Harsh but true,

Therapy sound like a good idea,you need to find out why you feel this way.
Real life is not like pretty woman,if you want a wife/kid's stop now and seek help.

finbarrk

DeiseGal wrote:

I think you need to think ahead, you are 36 yrs of age, you need to think of the repercussions that may come from this when you do meet a future gf/wife. Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past.

Yes but any future partner that he has wont need to know about his past, thats his own buisness. I think if he feels like doing that he is entitled to, its not easy for a lot of guys to meet girls and have a sexual relationship so they use prostitutes, nothing wrong with it as far as I'm concerned.

Binomate

Do what you would to get sex from a prostitute only don't offer to pay. Problem solved.

LegacyUser

'I'd say it's a lot less sad than all the serial monogamists out there who feel the constant need to have a significant other, ultimately for self validation. If you're happy then all's well.'

Evil Phil

PayForIt wrote:

I'm very shy when sober and tend to get tired very quickly when drunk so often have no inclination to go trying to chat up women in nightclubs or wherever.

The nightclub/pub scene is a really hard place to meet somebody, probably because so few people are sober. Join a club of some discription. Preferable one with a lot of members who happen to be female. Then just socialise and stop worrying about chatting up women. You'll meet someone eventually.

And get an STI check, just for your own safety and well being.

DeiseGal

finbarrk wrote:

Yes but any future partner that he has wont need to know about his past, thats his own buisness. I think if he feels like doing that he is entitled to, its not easy for a lot of guys to meet girls and have a sexual relationship so they use prostitutes, nothing wrong with it as far as I'm concerned.

Really, so you think that if you were married to someone for 30 odd years that you would never tell me. You would have that constantly in the back of your mind but you would NEVER tell. Dont be silly!

Jack Bauer999

DeiseGal wrote:

Really, so you think that if you were married to someone for 30 odd years that you would never tell me. You would have that constantly in the back of your mind but you would NEVER tell. Dont be silly!

How exactly is it silly?,

What's the difference between
A) some drunk "loose woman" that the OP meets in a nightclub and buys her drink, takes her home shag*s
her and never sees her again
Taking a prostitute home, pays her money and sha*gs her.

He paying for sex both ways but with option B he's cutting out falling around a nightclub and trying to stumble home
holding up his 'conquest' !


Would you tell your partner of all the sexual conquests you have before him.

Of course you would not, nobody want to hear the explicit details of who their wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend shagged before they met them.

That’s the Op's past and his own personal business.

I presume from "Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past" that you have had a perfect life up till now.

vorbis

as a guy, i wouldn't blame a girl for dumping a guy who has had a constant stream of prostitutes. If I'm being honest, there's something distinctly pathetic about it. Having one night stands at least shows that you can get women to willingly sleep with you.

You've basically avoided having a proper relationship with women for 16 years. Time is beginning to run out man. If you're genuinely happy with your situation then fine, otherwise you'll need to start talking to women and going on dates, fast!

Deediddums

To be honest asides from the obvious question of whether or not it's sad, which it is clearly, I'm surprised that no one has commented on the moral side of things. If a woman wants to sell her body fair enough and if a man wants to buy it equally so. The reality however is that a large percentage of prostitutes out there are the victims of human trafficing. This means that the situation is not as black and white as saying it's an honest transaction because many of these unfortunate women are unwilling parties.

LegacyUser

For some guys, this is their only means of ever getting any pussy in life.

Yes - they might 'get on' very well with wimmin in general.

BUT - they always end up on 'the friend's ladder' ; and,
not 'the shagging ladder' !

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

So, wear your 'rubber helmut' and stay safe !

DeiseGal

Jack Bauer999 wrote:

How exactly is it silly?,

What's the difference between
A) some drunk "loose woman" that the OP meets in a nightclub and buys her drink, takes her home shag*s
her and never sees her again
Taking a prostitute home, pays her money and sha*gs her.

He paying for sex both ways but with option B he's cutting out falling around a nightclub and trying to stumble home
holding up his 'conquest' !


Would you tell your partner of all the sexual conquests you have before him.

Of course you would not, nobody want to hear the explicit details of who their wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend shagged before they met them.

That’s the Op's past and his own personal business.

I presume from "Personally i would dump you in a second if i knew about your past" that you have had a perfect life up till now.

It is only my opinion, but i meant silly in the sense that someone honestly thinks that they will be able to keep that from there gf/wife for the length of there marriage which could be 30 - 40 years. He obviously has an issue with it himself already, why else would he be posting it here.
Plus its not his past, its his present and possibly his future if he doesnt end it now.
As for dumping him, of course i would, hes been paying for sex - alarm bells!

Marksie

OP you have effectively avoided one of the great pleasures of lovemaking, intimacy, by 100% use of prostitues.
Even in a one night stand there is some level of interaction on an intimate level. The person is actually there present with you. the other is simply a commercial and physical transaction.

If the pure relief of the physical is what you are after then stay as you are.
I suspect that you want more, the intimacy and exploration that comes with actually being with someone.

If the latter is the case, it is time to look at yourself and why you are frightened of being intimate, it runs to much more than shyness or an inability to form relationships to my mind some of your reasons for not forming such relationships are just excuses to fool yourself.

If you do form a relationsip..do you tell. Well thats up to you. whether you can set aside your past. Or dodge the questions of asked, or be honest. It depends on the person you are with and how you handle your internal feelings....

LegacyUser

I don't think the fact that he uses hookers is a reflection on his ability with women. Some guys (like me) want to have sex regularly, and if you're single and not getting any, well paying is an option. I've had one night stands, f**k buddies, hookers, all of that stuff, and yeah banging hookers may not be the most satisfying experience, but it's pretty good sometimes, better than just jerking off anyway. I'm sure if I ever settle down with a girl I really love, I wouldn't pay for sex, but right now I'm not getting any, I was never the type to pick up girls regularly, so the odd time I would pay for sex. My friends know this, even some of my female friends, and they don't care, they know I'm a good guy. If a girl dumps you for the fact you've been with hookers, she's not worth it. Women can get sex whenever they want, men have a greater need for the physical aspect of it and most of us can't just go out and pick up a chick every saturday night, women can pick up guys every weekend if they like.
Anyway, why would you tell your partner you've paid for sex? Jesus, it's no big deal to me, or the OP obviously, so we just wouldn't tell them. It's not like we're going to be racked with guilt and dishonesty for the duration of the relationship, LOL!

finbarrk

DeiseGal wrote:

Really, so you think that if you were married to someone for 30 odd years that you would never tell me. You would have that constantly in the back of your mind but you would NEVER tell. Dont be silly!

Thats not being silly, its just the way it is, everybody isn't the same, so some people wont tell their lifelong partner about their sexual past, obviously you would and I wouldn't!

LegacyUser

'plus, as far as I'm concerned, your partner's sexual history should not be an issue, why you would even ask is beyond me.'

DeiseGal

finbarrk wrote:

Thats not being silly, its just the way it is, everybody isn't the same, so some people wont tell their lifelong partner about their sexual past, obviously you would and I wouldn't!

As stated in my post, if you had taken the time to read it properly - i stated that this was my opinion on the matter - you dont have to agree or disagree with me.

LaVidaLoca

Are they not all horrible heroin-addicted mankbags in Adidas?

Or do they import them now?

While I can understand visiting a brasser if you've really been in the graveyard sex-wise for 6 months or more (just to remind you what it's like)

I honestly think it's a really bad idea to make a habit of it. You need to learn how to interact with women in a sexual way when there's no money/intoxiction involved.

Granted you live in one of the worst countries in the world for this, as most Irish people start drinking at about the same time they lose their virginity, and pretty much every sexual experience thereafter is done 5 sheets to the wind.

Deediddums

Annually, thousands of people (largely women and children), fall victim to trafficking for exploitation or other purposes. Action to combat trafficking in human beings is receiving world-wide attention because the trafficking threatens the human rights and the fundamental values of democratic societies. One way to help this action would be to make sure you are not part of the horrific exploitation.