Dying parent...some advice

DublinWriter

I was going to go unreg for this, but feck it.

I’m in my thirties, no wife/gf/children and I’m an only child.

My mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer late last year. She is separated from her husband/my father for the past 16 years and they have not been in communication since.

I am currently her principle carer.

I am self-employed. I have been working more or less part-time since I moved back in with her to look after her as best as I can.

Cutting a very long story short, up to a few weeks ago she had been pretty stable and could at least get out of bed to go to the toilet for herself.

Things got much worse three weeks ago when one night I got up at 4am to find her lying on her back covered in her own faeces and urine. I called an ambulance and I’ll spare you the 48-hours on a trolley Joe-Duffy A&E horror story.

She was released from the local general hospital a week later after they had her in for observation in a regular ward. She was a little better in herself, and although needing a wheelchair to get back to into my car, could walk the short distance from my car to the front door.

Last week, I found that she was sitting on the edge of her regular divan bed and relieving herself at the side of it, unable to even stand up, let alone make it to the toilet next door to her bedroom.

She is a very heavy woman and I have ongoing back-problem related to a trapped nerve. The hospice nurse suggested I dial 999 and call out the Fire Brigade when his happened. Again, last Saturday morning at 6am I found her on her bedroom floor and dialled 999.

Thinking that maybe an ambulance would come out with two guys, a full fire-tender arrives out with five monsters of guys with the eyes bet out of their heads from the arse-end of a Friday night shift. It took three of them to get her back into the bed. I really felt guilty about having to drag them out and apologised, but they said mine was a genuine shout.

These guys are heros. End of. Next time you see them at the top of Grafton St. collecting, stuff the folding stuff into their tins.

The occupational therapist arranged to have a regular hospital type bed put in for her. That came and the local health care nurse inserted a catheter and put on adult diapers.

Fair enough.

The local hospice called this morning to let me know they had a bed for her. Although both myself and one of the hospice nurses did talk to her last week about this next step, she was pretty non-committal about the whole thing. I thought to myself that it would be the best thing to let her know about this around tea-time in order that she wouldn’t be mulling it over all day in her mind.

My overall strategy was to keep her in her own home, in her own environment for as long as possible. Now that’s becoming so difficult.

When I told her today, she was pretty adamant that she didn’t want to go and wouldn’t go. I knew this would be a shock; I let the idea sink in with her.

After my hard fight with the local public health centre and the local hospice it seems that I now have to fight with my mum to go to the hospice this late into her terminal illness. I just about had the strength to fight them, but I am not prepared to fight her too.

She’s a little more acceptable to it tonight. I mentioned my own health issues and that I needed to care for myself before I’d be able to care for her.

Not really having much dealings with the health care system, either on my own behalf or my mum’s prior to her problems, I was totally pro-nurse.

However, from observing how the system works I’ve noticed some very worrying things. For starters, there is now a whole new ‘underclass’ within the health-care system who are called nursing assistants. These are the ones who were basically unpaid volunteers up to 10 years ago, who now carry out the ‘dirty’ end of nursing duty.

These are the people you see in most hospitals wearing the green shirts. These to me are the REAL nurses. Apart from the hospice nurses I’ve been dealing with, the majority of nurses in the local health centre and the local hospital honestly don’t give a fuck. They now know they can rely on these underpaid and overworked cadre of ex-volunteers to mop up the shit and piss, leaving them free to play ‘doctor’.

The majority of these people are older Irish women. However, there are more Nigerian women going in. Having seen up-close what they have to deal with, and how humanitarian these people are, if I ever again hear some muppett complaining about Nigerian-refugees in a pub again, I will smack them in the mouth so hard with a closed-fist and without a single word being exchanged and go back to my pint happily.

For example, I’ve had my local Health Centre nurse come out to visit my mum once a week. Her typical visit would last 10 minutes and consist mainly of a chat with me and literally popping her head around the bedroom door to look at my mum.

She had refused the ‘extended home care package’ several times based on these short visits, during which time my mum was totally paralysed, required spoon-feeding and was partially incontinent.

Coming into the bank holiday weekend, she told me that she couldn’t do anything for me and gave me a photocopied brochure two years out of date from a private nursing agency and suggested that I speak to them about arranging care. BTW my mum has a full medical card and was already in receipt of a social welfare disability allowance prior to her cancer being diagnosed.

I called the agency and was told that they couldn’t facilitate me at such short notice.

And guess what? Three years ago I suggested she take out BUPA cover, which she did. I might as well have enrolled her for NASA astronaut training for all that has been worth so far.

She was eventually approved for the extended package, and I received help over the weekend. Basically I had three visits from home-carers during the day (again, no nurses).

Also thanks to the Irish Cancer Society I had a fully qualified nurse do night shifts, allowing me to get a good night’s sleep since last Friday. My mum is entitled to 7 such nights, all funded by the Daffodil Days campaign.

Why did I post this in PI? I really don’t know. Rantage I guess. I guess I wanted to say that there will come a point in your life when bitching about the price of lattè in Starbucks or even the price of your first house will become like so much shite when you have to deal with a terminally ill parent.

I wanted to advice those who will be in a similar position that being civil and playing Mr.Nice-Guy with the HSE doesn’t work. You need to rant, and scream, and shout, and demand to get the entitlements for you and yours that you paid so dearly for via years of PRSI payments.

Dave!

That's a terrible situation for both of you to be in. All my best to your mother and yourself. Fair play to you for having the strength to do this on your own.

WindSock

I am glad you are getting the assistance you and your Mother need. It must be a very stressful time for you, hopefully the carers are providing some relief so you can take some weight from your shoulders. I think the HSE is looking into training up more nurses aids/care workers so those that can recieve care at home, will. This will also help free up some of the hospital beds. I don't think enough people are aware of some of the agencies that send out home care help.

karen3212

I can't imagine anything more painful than having to care completely, on your own for someone you love.

I hope you get more help if you can and I hope you will be fortunate enough to meet more kind decent people as you continue through this terrible time.

r3nu4l

Good man DublinWriter! Fair play to you for fighting for your entitlements. Unfortunately, these days some "entitlements" don't seem to be handed out so readily despite the fact that they should be!

Regarding nurses and nursing assistants. They are separate roles and the reason for that is that it is now appreciated that a nurses education can be put to more valuable use than cleaning up piss and sh1t. That's not denegrating the role of a nursing assistant (which is more than the aforementioned!) but just to say that nurses these days are recognised as being far more able and are now put to better use than in the old days.

The fire brigade are used to callouts such as yours and it was a legitimate call. Believe me if it hadn't been you ould have known about it

I'm sorry that you've had to go through so much. Now that I live in England I worry about my own parents even more or maybe it's the fact that I'm growing older myself, who knows. Either way, I worry. I can't imagine what you are going through and can only encourage you to have strength and keep fighting the good fight.

Your mum may be worried that if she goes into a hospice that she is admitting defeat or that you won't visit her. Mrs r3nu4ls grandmother didn't want to go into a home when the idea was first put forward but now that she's there she really is happy that she did go for it! I'm sure you ahve already tried but maybe you need to reassure her that you will visit her every evening and chat with her and make sure she is alright.

Either way, good luck, I hope the journey doesn't become any mroe painful for you.

sidneykidney

I totally know were you are coming from as regards the HSE,the only advice i can offer is to scream,shout,then scream some more at this so called health service. They only listen if you keep insisting that you are entitled to help. Your mother is entilted to a proper service from the HSE. My very best to you and your mum at this very difficult time.

metrovelvet

karen3212 wrote:

I can't imagine anything more painful than having to care completely, on your own for someone you love.
.

Only when they are dying. There is nothing more painful. You have to love, care for, and let go of all at the same time.

The hardest but most necessary thing to do, is to give your parent permission to go. They dont want to leave us, we have to tell them that it's ok to go, that we will be ok.

the_syco

As bad as it is, at least she knows who you are. When my mam went into my grannys midwife, the midwife sometimes didn't know who she was. Why the midwife, you may ask? I don't really know, except that she was some type of nanny figure. My mum visted her nearly as much as her own mother, both in her own home, the granny flat, and then in the hostipal.

Having spent 2 months of near complete boredom in a hostipal (traffic accident), I know why many old people see going to one as defeat. Hostipals are boring places. They may have improved recently, but I bet that the old people only went in one when they were sick, or visiting a dying relative or friend, thus associate the place with the last step.

OP, if you want her to goto one, it must not be a final corridor, but a happy ending. Look around, and see what goes on where, and see are there any that have activities, with a good few nurses, and that the old people are encouraged to integrate, otherwise she'll be staring at the ceiling (and this would have been f**king depressing, had I known what depression was at my time in the hostipal).

I'm sorry if I come across as harsh, but I really hate staying too long in hostipals.

DublinWriter

the_syco wrote:

...otherwise she'll be staring at the ceiling (and this would have been f**king depressing, had I known what depression was at my time in the hostipal).

I'm sorry if I come across as harsh, but I really hate staying too long in hostipals.

True, but there's a world of difference between a hospice and a hospital and at home she's staring at the ceiling as is.

The original strategy was for me to keep her at home in her own environment for as long as humanly possible. Now it's not humanly possible.

It's a tough one to call, but if she's really miserable there, I can always bring her back to her own house and maybe sell my own house to provide 24X7 nursing cover. At the moment things change day-by-day and it's impossible to determine any long-term plans.

aria-bella

I buried my mum in 2003 after 2 and a half years full time caring alone for her since her terminal diagnosis.
My parents were separated too and although my dad did the requisite 'hello how are u feeling' visit about once a week or when he was in the country, He didnt help financially and it was really down to me.

Firstly can i just say that i'm fairly sure that the lads in the fire brigade would have seen the situation as genuine desperation and im sure were only too happy to help you.

Secondly although everyones experience is different, My experience of dealing with the HSE was similar to the brick walls you prob feel you are hitting now.
Dont give up. Do what you have to do to be heard. It is a travesty but our health system is a travesty and palliative care is no different. ( I am speaking from my own experience trying to get home help for mum and proper options when she was close to the end.. It was dickensian at times.)

My mum resisted the hospice and tbh so did i because although i was in desperation and tired and close to a nervous breakdown myself , I just could'nt mentally get over the finality of it. When mum did go in i cried driving up there until a wonderful compassionate nun took one look at me and must have recognised the panic and managed to make it easier before i saw mum who was rested and cared for in a lovely room. Although mum died in hospital in the end , I can not tell you the strength i gained from just being somewhere where it was ok to talk about the realities of losing someone you love to a disease that can take them away from you long before they leave. We had someone from the irish hospice foundation ring mum and i think that helped.. Their website is http://www.hospice-foundation.ie/
I hope that helps ..


I dont know what to say that is constructive dub.. You are right.. For a very long time you will feel angry at people who worry so much over what seems so trivial when u are grieving such a loss and esp as an only child, carrying it alone..But even though it is your situation as it stands.. please just know there are many,many others who have been there and are there now.

I know you are run ragged but i wish that i had listened to people who told me to take sleeping pills and rest while mum was sleeping thru the night, or take vitamins or just eat! If you can take good care of yourself food wise i would because u will need all the energy you can muster..

Please PM me if you need to talk at all, I would be only too happy and apologies for the ridiculous length of this post

Take care and god bless to you and your mum

Asiaprod

DW, you are in a tough spot, and I am sorry to hear of what you are going through. We had to face a similar situation 4 years ago with my sister who had cancer in the Brain. She was married with two young kids and much as it hurt at the time, a hospice was really the only road left open to us. We could not give, nor afford, the level of care she needed and her quality of life was going down hill fast. As a result of the hospice care, her quality of life improve dramatically, so much so that she could come home the odd weekend to be with her own family. She led a meaningful life for a further 6 month, surprising all the nursing staff who had told us it was just a matter of weeks. She died peaceful in a comfortable environment, surrounded by her loved ones.

I think secretly she enjoyed all the attention and care she received, and was especially motivated by the camaraderie she developed with the other patients. I think being in the hospice also encouraged her friends to visit her so she could still feel a part of all that was happening outside. Prior to this she just sat at home on the couch all day staring at the wall. This put her friends off visiting her, so she continued to deteriorate rapidly. We also had to deal with her negative reaction to going to a hospice, but we made the choice based on the fact that we wanted her to have some quality of life, even if it was just a little, it was better than what she was going through. She was basically just waiting to die. I hope nobody here has had to go through that scenario, I would imagine it is a terrible thing to watch a parent die at home. Surly this is the very time that one would want proper nursing staff present to help ease the departing through the final moments. A point I would make is that despite her negative reactions to going, after one week in the Hospice it became home to my sister. She used to ring up and invite us up to have lunch or dinner with her. We even went there for a family Christmas dinner.

We are now facing a similar situation with my wife's Farther. When the time comes, we will have to make the same choice all over again as his wife is a serious diabetic and can not cope with his care. Once again, we are viewing it as a quality of life issue for both of them. Any doctor I have spoken to has agreed that the best we can do for someone in this condition is to concentrate on providing some quality of life. Loneliness and melancholia are a sure killer. The best approach is to place that person in a comfortable environment where they have the support of others in a similar situation, and proper nursing care to face the final hurdle.

Hmmm.

We were through a lot of that here with my mum who died in january RIP.
The homecare service varies from place to place,I know down here it was shoite.
My mum had a lot of problems in the latter stages and went into hostpital 6 weeks before she died.
Tbh,you need to find out how long this is likely to last for and devise a plan around that.

You can tell your mum that the hospice is just restbite for you and do a deal with her say a forthnight home and a forthnight in the hospice.
It would probably be easier for you to organise(and cheaper) extensive homecare for half the month than the full month plus of course you can have the 7 nights from the cancer society in that forthnight aswell.

Doing it that way will give your mum something to look foward to each time she goes in.
You should discuss death with her too and that she can die at home if thats what she wants.
By the way in an illness like your mums they often know that their end will come soon within a month or two of when it will happen.
My mum was pretty much spot on.

Take care and hey look after yourself aswell!

Beruthiel

Tristrame wrote:

You can tell your mum that the hospice is just restbite for you and do a deal with her say a forthnight home and a forthnight in the hospice.

Would it also be possible to bring in her bits and pieces while in there? Most of us prefer to stay at home than go into a hospital, we miss our comfort zone and our stuff, perhaps bringing in whatever she uses on a daily basis would help a lot.
I'm really sorry you are going through this DW, I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you, take care of yourself.
a

Marksie

Beruthiel wrote:

Would it also be possible to bring in her bits and pieces while in there? Most of us prefer to stay at home than go into a hospital, we miss our comfort zone and our stuff, perhaps bringing in whatever she uses on a daily basis would help a lot.
I'm really sorry you are going through this DW, I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you, take care of yourself.
a

My mum did that for my dad twice a day, every day for the last 8 weeks of his life when he was taken into hospital for the last time. Fresh pyjamas etc. It was apprectaited

He wanted to come home, but there was no way that an 8 stone 78 year old woman could look after a terminally ill man 24/7.

She needed the time to recuperate. OP so will you, even temporary respte care ot home help will give you the break you need.

Thoughts are with you.

If it's anything like this place featured on RTÉ recently,then Your Mum will be fine DW.

DublinWriter

Without doubt, today has to have been the toughest day of my life, and also my Mum's.

She was admitted to the hospice at midday today. Because the HSE ambulance services are very stretched, they could only give me a rough time.

I didn't want to make her feel any worse, so I didn't go around packing stuff away around her while she was in her bed at home. I decided the best approach would be to go with her in the ambulance with just her meds, make sure she settled in and then go back in the car with her various nightdresses and toiletries.

The ambulance came at mid-day and the crew were fantastic and full of the usual irreverent Dub-banter that could make you laugh in the grimmest of situations. Heros all.

The Hospice is fantastic, I won't mention which particular one it is, but it's a shining-jewel in our under-funded MRSA-ridden political-football of a public heath system. The staff there at all levels are like the commando/SAS/Ranger Wing equivalent within the medical profession. How they deal with their job at a personal level when they close their own front doors at night is beyond my comprehension.

A doctor and a nurse took me aside and told me that my Mum seriously needed medical supervision on at 24X7 basis at this stage and that I did well to manage for the seven months that I’d been looking after her so far.

They'll even me bring her manic little Jack Russell come up to visit. Normally he's a mischievous little ball of unstoppable energy, but for the past three days he literally wouldn't budge from under her bed, curled up in a sulky heap in his basket, despite me trying to tempt him out with cooked sausages and telling him that the cat was in the back garden (he goes nuts when you say that to him). It's amazing how in-tune animals are to things we humans are totally blind to.

It is a scary new environment for her, especially since she's gone through the Beaumont A&E nightmare twice in the past six months.

The whole guilt-thing is eating me up. She so wants to be at home in her own little environment, but I know that's not the best place for her right now. I'm going to move the hospital bed, hoist, commode and all the other bits and pieces down from her bedroom and into the living room on the ground floor so that I can work on getting her home for weekends at least.

What also compounds it is that she managed to care for both her own Mum and Dad 'till the very end when they both died of lung cancer in 1990 and 1981 respectively. I really wish that I was as strong as her. I am not.

The place where her brain tumour is in the part of the brain that controls speech and motor-function to the right side of the body. She’s totally in her sense of reason, but it would be like one day walking up one day and suddenly everyone around you is speaking a foreign language. Despite all this, she’s never complained or cried once, but I did catch her looking out the window of the ambulance today, looking out the window with barely a tear in her eye. I knew she was mentally saying goodbye to the area she lived and worked in for the past thirty-years.

I really have to thank everyone who's replied back to me on here, either in public or private. "Every little helps" isn't a phrase just applicable to Tesco.

Marksie

DublinWriter wrote:

The whole guilt-thing is eating me up. She so wants to be at home in her own little environment, but I know that's not the best place for her right now. I'm going to move the hospital bed, hoist, commode and all the other bits and pieces down from her bedroom and into the living room on the ground floor so that I can work on getting her home for weekends at least.
.

Look, I don't know if this helps, but my mum was eaten with guilt as well. She was doing all she possibly could, knowning that a) he was not happy there and wanted to go home and b) he was too weak to move and c) she wasn't physically strong enough to look after him.

So the guilt you feel is part and parcel of it. No matter what i will tell you it will still be there, it was for her, you will come to terms with it logically, but emotionally it will take longer.

louisecm

I really feel for you Dub. Just remember that you have done your best in this situation - that is very clear. And there is definitely no lack of love for her, which is more than can be said for many people in similar positions. I know its hard, but I really think you have done the right thing. Remember that the professionals told you you did well to have her at home as long as you did. Try to remember yourself in all of this, you matter too. Take some time to let off steam in whichever way works for you. Best of luck to you in this difficult time.

Asiaprod

DublinWriter wrote:

A doctor and a nurse took me aside and told me that my Mum seriously needed medical supervision on at 24X7 basis at this stage and that I did well to manage for the seven months that I’d been looking after her so far.

I think that says it all DW. You have done a wonderful job to get this far. Although difficult, you should not feel guilty, you have done everything you can. Its time for you to now spend some time rebuilding your strength. Its great news about the dog, that will help her greatly I am sure. This type of situation is an emotional roller-coaster, feel free to PM me any time.
Asia

davyjose

You have may sincerest sympathys DW; when I was in my teens, I saw my Mam care for my dad in a similar manner - I helped as best as I could, but really I didn't have it in me. Fair play to you, and good luck

Shockin Stockin

Hi there.
Like everyone else here I want to commend you for the compassion and love you're showing your mam.
My own mother nursed her mam for months and it was gruelling both emotionally and physically. Its a very selfless act. Towards the end, she was admitted to the hospice in Raheny, and I have to say it made a big difference to everyone.
Often while you are caring for someone else, you haven't time to come to terms with what is happening, your main concern is caring and providing for your mam.
While in the hospice my mam got a chance to just "be with" my nana, and talk and hold her hand. She was so caught up in minding, that she hadn't had a chance to rest, and think about the time ahead. The staff were amazing. They offered support and compassion in the most gentle of ways. It was a truly moving experience for all of us. They do fantastic work, both for the person who is sick and the family.
They will give you a safe space to help your mam make her transition with dignity and peace.
God bless you and your mam.

Beruthiel

DublinWriter wrote:

A doctor and a nurse took me aside and told me that my Mum seriously needed medical supervision on at 24X7 basis at this stage and that I did well to manage for the seven months that I’d been looking after her so far.

DW I just want to echo what Mark said. If they said that to you then you have to take that on board and know that you have done fantastically well by your mother, you're a son she can be proud of.
I know you want to be superman, but none of us are and you are not qualified to give her the medical attention she clearly needs at this point.
Though it's really difficult for the both of ye, this is the best possible place for her, deep down she knows that too.

Henry Ford III

Fair play to you DW. What you have achieved so far is amazing. Your love for your poor Mum is limitless, and frankly an inspiration.

Cancer is a terrible disease, and very few of us haven't been touched by it. The care she will get in a hospice will be fantastic btw. My Dad passed away in one, and the respect I have for the good people who looked after him in there will never fade. She's in the right place.

Keep it going, and know we are all 100% behind you.

aria-bella

DW I will just echo what has been said by all

I read your last post and the compassion, love but imo respect you have for your mum comes out in spades.. The bit about mums jack russell had me crying and laughing all at once.. It really is about the little things sometimes.
I remember fighting back tears when mum went to hospital the day she died because i knew this was it really after so many in-stays and the ambulance lad asked mum if i was available and could he take me out for a drink..My mum started laughing and told him he would want to have a big wallet (I still cringe now) !! But it gave me a chance to compose myself for mum and i was so grateful to him for that..
You will be continuously amazed by the people you meet who deal with death and the journey to it..They are special.

Try to acknowledge the guilt you feel and then acknowledge if you can that you are a good son, a son any mother would be proud to call her own. Its early days. Give your mum a few days to settle and with all the added stress gone and the chance for you to catch your breath at home .. You might find that as another poster said, you get the chance to just 'be' with her.

Take care of you

BostonB

DublinWriter wrote:

...our under-funded MRSA-ridden political-football of a public heath system. ...

I lost a parent last year from cancer/mrsa and can only agree wholeheartedly with the above and the comments re: nureses vs care etc. Didn't get a chance to get them into a hospice and its the one regret we do have. I feel hospice care (in the right hospice) is better than the hospitals. Home care wasn't an option at the time. We were worn out from it and you really need to pace yourself IMO to go the distance, and attend to more than just the basic needs.

DublinWriter

My Mum passed away at 5.45am in St.Francis' Hospice Raheny this morning with the two biggest eejits in the family (me and my uncle/her brother) holding both her hands.

It was a beautiful and peaceful passing.

I want to thank everyone who offered support both in public and private.

Thank you.

Very sorry for your loss.

Ar dheis Dé go raibh a hanam.

BostonB

Sorry to hear that. DublinWriter.

Henry Ford III

May she R.I.P.

Good luck to you D.W. the upset and pain you undoubtedly feel now, will over time fade, and be replaced by warmer memories of your Mum in happier times.

Stay close to your family and friends. They can help you greatly at this most difficult time.

Shockin Stockin

Thinking of you at this time. May your mam rest in peace.

Asiaprod

DublinWriter wrote:

My Mum passed away at 5.45am in St.Francis' Hospice Raheny this morning with the two biggest eejits in the family (me and my uncle/her brother) holding both her hands.

It was a beautiful and peaceful passing.

I want to thank everyone who offered support both in public and private.

Thank you.

I am so sorry to hear that, yet relieved that you could share that moment together. You did more than any one could ask of you, you should rest more easy now that your mom is a peace. Will keep you and her in my prayers.
Asia

aria-bella

God speed to your mum DW

I have been thinking of you and i am so, so glad that it was peaceful and you were with her..

I will be thinking of you my friend

Aria

sidneykidney

May your mum RIP.

I hope you gain some strength knowing that you did all you could for your mum.
Your compassion has been an inspiration.
God Bless.

mike65

DW as someone who's just been through this mill you have my thoughts right now. Its not much comfort but the love for your mum will take you a long way in the next few weeks and months.

Mike.

ps wished I'd seen this thread sooner.

CathyMoran

I am very sorry for your loss. RIP

r3nu4l

I've only seen this now DW. Like everyone else, I'm sorry for your loss. It's good that you were there with your Mum at her passing!

Hermione*

DublinWriter, I'm just reading this thread now for the first time and I'm so very sorry for your loss. Ar dheis Dé go raibh a n-anam dhílis.

My own mother died just over a month ago, also in a hopice as a result of terminal cancer, and my father (who was her full-time carer for the last year) faced many of the difficulties and struggles that you did whilst caring for her. From your posts, it's clear that you did everything possible to make your mum's last days as meaningful as possible and your generousity and self-sacrifice on her behalf are to be commended. Unfortunately, there comes a point when the hospice care is best option available, and the dignity and respect they give to their patients is a great comfort to the families of the paitients. I'm so pleased that you, like I, were able to be with her at her last moments and I pray that that knowledge will comfort you in the days and months ahead.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this terrible time.

leahcim

I'm so sorry for your your loss DublinWriter. May your mum rest in peace.

Takeshi_Kovacs

Sorry to hear that DW,

louisecm

Sorry for your loss DW, I hope you can find some peace in the coming weeks.

The_Conductor

I'm sorry to hear of your loss DublinWriter. My sincere sympathies.

FranchisePlayer

Sorry about your mum DW you were very brave to look after your mum the way you did for seven months..

G&T

Am so sorry to hear of your loss,
I hope the future bring's you all you wish for you deserve it.
I think you should be very proud of yourself,I hope when i am faced with my parents passing i will be as strong,kind and selfless as you have been.
This is a verse I like to read when I think of my dear friend(rip)

Don't remember me with sadness,
Don't remember me with tears,
Remember all the laughter,
We've had throughout the years.
Do the things we did before
The same in everyway
Just whisper a little prayer to me
At the dawn of every day.
Forget your troubles and your worries
They're mine forever more
I'll watch and care and love you
from Heaven's open door.
And when your road gets rocky
Or your down and need a crutch
Remember I'm right beside you
Just an inch too short to touch.

Beruthiel

I'm so sorry DW.
May she rip.

Necronomicon

Hey DW, I didn't post up until now because I really didn't know what to say, but my thoughts are with you. Just be proud of the special efforts you put in, for an only child especially they were tremendously commendable, I hope it comforts you in some way.

Take care.

Evieweavy

Hi

I was just reading this tonight Dublin Writer and your strength and courage, which I appreciate that you will really be needing over the next while, really shines through. You are a son any mother would have been proud of. I am so sorry for your loss but you gave your mother a life and death with dignity and you must credit yourself with this.

All the best for the future and I can promise you I'll be thinking of you for the next couple of weeks and I'll say a wee prayer for your Mam.

dudara

When my grandmother died, I reminded myself every day for ages of her intelligence, humour, kindness and character. I smiled every day for her and because of her. I miss her still, 7 years later, but I remind myself of how proud she would be of me.

Live life in honour of those who shaped you and nurtured you. It's how they would want you to be.

fastrac

You need to spend your time with your mother in a fit state and not exhausted by trying to do everything yourself. Tell her its only short term and jump the next fence when you come to it.Hospice care is miles ahead of any hospital for her at this stage and your time together will be so much better.I have yet to meet a person who regreted using the hospice service.Good luck to both of you.

LegacyUser

fastrac wrote:

You need to spend your time with your mother in a fit state and not exhausted by trying to do everything yourself. Tell her its only short term and jump the next fence when you come to it.Hospice care is miles ahead of any hospital for her at this stage and your time together will be so much better.I have yet to meet a person who regreted using the hospice service.Good luck to both of you.

Read the full thread fastrac,
Did you not notice most people saying sorry for your loss...............

G&T

Fastrac,

You should read the full thread before posting a reply,

Marksie

I am sorry for your loss Dublinwriter.

Blessings