One for the lads, or the girls too?

LegacyUser

This isn't really a major issue but I want to know if I'm making a mountain out a molehill here or not.

I get along brilliantly with all my boyfriend's friends, which is great. I get along with his housemate best because I see him the most. We often do things together without my boyfriend - going out to the cinema, going for a few drinks. There's no ulterior motive or anything, like no unsaid attraction between us, it's just a case of my boyfriend is busy so the friend goes with me instead. There's normally a group of us anyway, it's not one on one time and I never give him more attention than anyone else.

Anyway, I was texting the housemate yesterday about something and told him that it better be done or I'd beat him. He told me not to do that as it would turn him on. Now maybe I'm making an issue out of nothing but I don't think this is the thing you to say to you best friend's girlfriend. I know if a friend of mine said that to my boyfriend I'd be livid. At the same time, I'm a jealous person.

So am I making a mountain out of a molehill? What should I do? I don't want to confront the housemate in case it was just a joke in bad taste or purely innocent or say something to my boyfriend and start a fight. I've never led the housemate on in any way, I'm not attracted to him at all. I just get along with him.

Kell

keepmouthshut wrote:

that it better be done or I'd beat him. He told me not to do that as it would turn him on.

Harmless joke/statement of fact. People can be honest with eachother while not having any intent.

Certain females friends of mine have been told that they would be shágged silly if single. True, but doesnt mean I'll do anything about it until the point of singledom arrives.

K-

LegacyUser

To say you're making a mountain out of a molehill would be a huge understatement to be honest. He's joking around. Thats what friends do in company their comfortable in. The real issue here is that you're not comfortable in his company because it's maybe always been in the back of your mind that he fancies you, in some subconscious way at least. Relax, have a bit of fun, and dont get uptight over little things like that!

tbh

keepmouthshut wrote:

Anyway, I was texting the housemate yesterday about something and told him that it better be done or I'd beat him. He told me not to do that as it would turn him on. Now maybe I'm making an issue out of nothing but I don't think this is the thing you to say to you best friend's girlfriend. .

If I said that to a girl, it'd be because I would want to move the conversation, and probably the relationship, on to a sexual footing. It would be my way of testing the water - if the girl replied in a flirty way, I'd file that response away for future reference. I'm not saying that's what this housemate is doing, just why I would do it, if i were to do it. So, that's what one random dude on the internet thinks.

That random dude also thinks that you are being naive if you think the housemate has never considered shagging you.

tbh

dbl post, I can't delete because of datastore errors.

tbh

Kell wrote:

Harmless joke/statement of fact. People can be honest with eachother while not having any intent.

Certain females friends of mine have been told that they would be shágged silly if single. True, but doesnt mean I'll do anything about it until the point of singledom arrives.

K-

out of interest, Kell, does your missus know you are saying that to them?

Marksie

keepmouthshut wrote:

This isn't really a major issue but I want to know if I'm making a mountain out a molehill here or not.

I get along brilliantly with all my boyfriend's friends, which is great. I get along with his housemate best because I see him the most. We often do things together without my boyfriend - going out to the cinema, going for a few drinks. There's no ulterior motive or anything, like no unsaid attraction between us, it's just a case of my boyfriend is busy so the friend goes with me instead. There's normally a group of us anyway, it's not one on one time and I never give him more attention than anyone else.

Anyway, I was texting the housemate yesterday about something and told him that it better be done or I'd beat him. He told me not to do that as it would turn him on. Now maybe I'm making an issue out of nothing but I don't think this is the thing you to say to you best friend's girlfriend. I know if a friend of mine said that to my boyfriend I'd be livid. At the same time, I'm a jealous person.

So am I making a mountain out of a molehill? What should I do? I don't want to confront the housemate in case it was just a joke in bad taste or purely innocent or say something to my boyfriend and start a fight. I've never led the housemate on in any way, I'm not attracted to him at all. I just get along with him.

Harmless joke.
I have said similar, e.g mark if you dont shut up i will gag you.

reply: woohoo i would like that but would you use the whip this time.

nothing ulterior in motive.

let it go

BoozyBabe

You may have no interest in him in a sexual nature, but you can be sure he has in you.
Going to the cinema / pub with your bf's flatmate, without the bf.
Why do you think he's so keen.

Yes, he was testing the water with that comment.

Say nothing, move on like it never happened & distance yourself more from him

ntlbell

moutain.

Kintarō Hattori

Well as you can see by the replies so far it's pretty much 50/50. If he hasn't said anything in the past that has made you question things, as someone else said above file this away for future reference if anything else is said. It could have been harmless but if something else is said in the future then you'll know he has an ulterior motive.

stooge

It really does depend on the way he said/wrote it. It could be taken that he was 'testing the water' as someone wrote above or that he was just saying it as a joke.

If he mentions it again or anything similiar then it might be time to distance yourself from him but give him the benfit of the doubt.

It seems you get on well with him so dont waste a platonic friendship for the sake of one text.

BTW - did you reply? If so what did you write. You could have let him know in no uncertain terms that being aroused in your company would not bode well for your friendship.

Oriel

keepmouthshut wrote:

He told me not to do that as it would turn him on.

Sounds like gentle flirting. He was probably seeing what you'd say in return.
If it happens again, nip it in the bud.

LegacyUser

'I didn't reply at all. I didn't want to say something that may offend him or lead him on so I just left it.'

BaZmO*

HUGE Mountain.

Kell

tbh wrote:

out of interest, Kell, does your missus know you are saying that to them?

No missus (by choice), but when I had, one complained when I asked Seraphina could I put my tongue down her throat. I was quite vociferous with my reaction to said complaint.

People either get you or they dont. If they do, great. If they dont, they can move on rather than complain at you.

BoozyBabe wrote:

You may have no interest in him in a sexual nature, but you can be sure he has in you.
Going to the cinema / pub with your bf's flatmate, without the bf.
Why do you think he's so keen.

Yes, he was testing the water with that comment.

Say nothing, move on like it never happened & distance yourself more from him

Are all blokes sleazes in your life? Is there no fun and sexual flirtatiousness with male friends in your life?? Are you in your teens???

There is no cloak and dagger in the mates text. This perception issue is why the vast contingent of women think that all men want to get into their knickers, when the fact is, we dont like looking at about 50% of you.

I would be quite like the OP. I get on with my friends GF's as much as they do. I also usually know them for precisely the same amount of time also. I have been out on many an occasion with many of them while my mates were elsewhere. I respect my mates enough not to drop the hand.


K-

The Bollox

keepmouthshut wrote:

This isn't really a major issue but I want to know if I'm making a mountain out a molehill here or not.

I get along brilliantly with all my boyfriend's friends, which is great. I get along with his housemate best because I see him the most. We often do things together without my boyfriend - going out to the cinema, going for a few drinks. There's no ulterior motive or anything, like no unsaid attraction between us, it's just a case of my boyfriend is busy so the friend goes with me instead. There's normally a group of us anyway, it's not one on one time and I never give him more attention than anyone else.

Anyway, I was texting the housemate yesterday about something and told him that it better be done or I'd beat him. He told me not to do that as it would turn him on. Now maybe I'm making an issue out of nothing but I don't think this is the thing you to say to you best friend's girlfriend. I know if a friend of mine said that to my boyfriend I'd be livid. At the same time, I'm a jealous person.

So am I making a mountain out of a molehill? What should I do? I don't want to confront the housemate in case it was just a joke in bad taste or purely innocent or say something to my boyfriend and start a fight. I've never led the housemate on in any way, I'm not attracted to him at all. I just get along with him.

it means nothing, just a simple statement. possibly, as TBH said, testing the water for the future, but probably not.

Every time me and my friends have a get-together I flirt with all my friends girlfriends in front of them in an attempt to wind them up. they are aware of this, and it's how I got the nickname.

anyway put no pass on it

joxerdaly

Just a saying. Don't take it serious.

Vegeta

tbh wrote:

That random dude also thinks that you are being naive if you think the housemate has never considered shagging you.

This random dude thinks the very same thing and agrees completely.

He mightn't be in love with you but he'd probably mount you if you presented

The_Op

Yes that clearly shows that he has been harbouring sexual feelings for you for a long time and wants to take it further. Haha can't believe you took that seriously. To be honest my girlfriend has friends who do the same to me in front of her and visa versa...the whole time. Even dirty aunts and uncles have been known to do teh same. Any normal person would take it as what it was a joke. Get over yourself at the very very very worst it's abit of innocent flirting which most people i know do 20 times a day wihtou blinking an eye.

Kell

Vegeta wrote:

He mightn't be in love with you but he'd probably mount you if you presented

Unless loyal to his mate. I recently peeled a best mates GF off me and said no. Single, no problem. Attached, not a chance.

What happened to loyalty to your mates these days? I feel alone when I mention it yet everyone who hasnt mentioned it all wailed "you cant go out with your mates ex. Thats just fúcking wrong" a few weeks back.

The hypocrisy.

K-

um7y1h83ge06nx

Vegeta wrote:

This random dude thinks the very same thing and agrees completely.

He mightn't be in love with you but he'd probably mount you if you presented

True! As the sayings go; any port in a storm, or she'd be worth a poke if the telly was broke!

They MAY be a little testing the water going on as tbh said, or maybe he was only coming back with a joke reply for a laugh.

Don't make a big deal out of it. If if he secretly fancys to shag you, he won't go any further with one of his best friends being your bf.

The Bollox

Kell wrote:

What happened to loyalty to your mates these days? I feel alone when I mention it yet everyone who hasnt mentioned it all wailed "you cant go out with your mates ex. Thats just fúcking wrong" a few weeks back.

The hypocrisy.

K-

even if you have genuine feelings for him/her?. Normally I would go with what you say, and feel your friends ex's are off limits, but if I felt a spark I would ask his concent and then persue, as it's idiotic not to follow instincts, we have them for a reason

Kell

The Bollox wrote:

even if you have genuine feelings for him/her?.

Yup. And why does everyone assume that the OP's mate has feelings for her.

Believe it or not children, men and women can be friends. Yes, most of the time if the female friend is good looking (and we dont know the OP is BTW) the male may wish to copulate. Thats what men do.

It doesnt mean that we have to act on it or ever will act on it or that it will ever have any bearing on the relationship.

K-

Mr. Incognito

If he said that in passing I'd take it with a pinch of salt, but a text is a different matter. You have time to think better in a text. I think he fancies you and was testing the water to see if you'd bite. If you disregard then he probably won't try it again.

However any if my housemate sent that to my girlfriend I wouldn't be impressed.

Wibbs

stooge wrote:

If so what did you write. You could have let him know in no uncertain terms that being aroused in your company would not bode well for your friendship.

And really make a mountain out of a molehill, especially if it was meant in jest(which I suspect). If it wasn't it'll come across as a bit of over-reaction. Just ignore it, don't comment on it and wait and see if he tries something again then you can let him down gently.

Kell wrote:

People either get you or they dont. If they do, great. If they dont, they can move on rather than complain at you.

QFT.

Are all blokes sleazes in your life? Is there no fun and sexual flirtatiousness with male friends in your life?? Are you in your teens???

Thinkin that myself.

There is no cloak and dagger in the mates text. This perception issue is why the vast contingent of women think that all men want to get into their knickers, when the fact is, we dont like looking at about 50% of you.

And that's being generous.

I respect my mates enough not to drop the hand.

That's the point exactly. Friends women are off limits in my book. Bloody bad manners to consider otherwise.

metrovelvet

I think you're projecting and you want it to be a mountain or do some mountin' yourself - in his pants.

axer

keepmouthshut wrote:

So am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

No. There may not have been any actual comeon meant but there may have been also. Personally it sounds like he is testing the waters but that is just because I am a guy and I know how guys can think.

keepmouthshut wrote:

What should I do?

Just ignore it and move on. By ignoring it you are not giving him a positive signal.

6ix

Threads like this make me realise that while my girlfriend and mates (of both genders) get my sense of humour, there are a lot of people out there who read into everything and take everything seriously - even from people who they supposedly know well.

For me its a mountain out of a molehill, but there are two different points of view here. Your BF's mate probably thinks like me, so try not to take him seriously.

LegacyUser

OP, another random bloke here and I think he was testing the water.
Its definately a motive for that txt, the other being just a saying.

Personally I dont see the need for him to reply to you in that manner unless he did have a sexual motive behind his actions. (esp when it seems to be out of the blue)

While I dont know him, it seems a little odd to me that he is never busy (like your BF) seems to 'passively' interested in you

Tar.Aldarion

Meh, fairly harmless tbh.

Kell

Wibbs wrote:

And that's being generous.

Well think on it. How many do you see that are absolute mutts? I'd say about 20%. Then there are degree's of ugliness/overweight etc up to averageness, so that accounts for another 30% or so. Then there is average to hot, 30% or so, then there are the ones you would happily lose a testicle to hump, which is about 10%.

K-

2funki4wheelz

Well OP, you did say you'd 'beat him' if he didn't do something. If he's taking this as seriously as you are he'll be getting a restraining order against you to protect against gbh.

Seriously, I make jokey flirty comments with bloke friends and so does my bf with women, no harm in it and I find it funny.

Like everyone else said, if there's other inidicators, cool it off.

Not directed at you OP, but some girls I know think every guy that gives them the time of day fancies them.

Vegeta

Kell wrote:

Unless loyal to his mate. I recently peeled a best mates GF off me and said no. Single, no problem. Attached, not a chance.

What happened to loyalty to your mates these days? I feel alone when I mention it yet everyone who hasnt mentioned it all wailed "you cant go out with your mates ex. Thats just fúcking wrong" a few weeks back.

The hypocrisy.

K-

Not everyone sails by your morale compass though Kell.

If I fell in love with a mates ex then I would ask his permission. If I just wanted to get the leg over then I wouldn't do it to an ex of a mate.

The guy in the OP's post in my opinion has taken one step past flirting

BaZmO*

Vegeta wrote:

The guy in the OP's post in my opinion has taken one step past flirting

Well working by that logic the OP has threatened her BF's friend with violence. (Good spot by 2funki4wheelz)

Kell

Vegeta wrote:

Not everyone sails by your morale compass though Kell.

But why assume that the OP's mate has anything other than friendship on his mind? People really have to get beyond the "if he talks to her, he is chatting her up. If he flirts, he wants his leg over" nonsense.

I "speak" to 99% of women I meet anywhere. Does this mean I am chatting them up? I flirt with 99% of women I meet anywhere. Does this mean I want my legover? NO. I am *SICK TO FúCKING DEATH of the opposite sex accusing me of same.

Vegeta wrote:

If I fell in love with a mates ex then I would ask his permission.

Thats like saying "if I wanted to take a píss I would ask my friends permission". Its the most natural thing in the world is falling in love, so why leave it up to someone else to tell you whether you can or cant? What happens if he says no? Put aside your feelings and be unhappy for someone elses happiness? Thats just fúcking daft. Just like being denied a píss, you would accept exploding than doing something natural? Weird.

Vegeta wrote:

If I just wanted to get the leg over then I wouldn't do it to an ex of a mate.

Fair point. What if she is a really good mate that you have known for as long as he has? That you are out with on the píss one night and stay at hers? And one things leads to another? And you know the relationship wont change overnight? Why should a friend stop you doing that?

K-

*mini rant brought on by an argument about same to a female friend at the mo

BaZmO*

Kell wrote:

I am *SICK TO FúCKING DEATH of the opposite sex accusing me of same.

Maybe you're "flirting" is seen as too sleazy if you're getting that many complaints?

Kell

BaZmO* wrote:

Maybe you're "flirting" is seen as too sleazy if you're getting that many complaints?

Nah. Exes have said that even when I am not chatting up women it looks like, to women, that I am chatting up women. Three older sisters = total ease around opposite sex.

K-

cheeky_guy

If the OP was fat and ugly do you think he would have said it then? He's definately interested and if i saw a messsage from one of my mates on my girlfriends i would go MAD!!

And at her too because she is the one who started it off by telling the mate she was going to beat him. That is pure flirting like!!

mathie

Many a true word is said in jest.

Either you fancy him or he fancies you.

All male / female relationships consist of at least one that fancies the other.

Simple as that.

axer

cheeky_guy wrote:

If the OP was fat and ugly do you think he would have said it then?

How do you know she is not?

While I personally think it is testing the waters, I think nobody can say it is definitely anything.

Kell

cheeky_guy wrote:

If the OP was fat and ugly do you think he would have said it then?

One of my best mates is em, a tad rotund and not the most attractive girl in the world. Does it stop the filthiest texting in the world going between us? No. Why? Because we are not analy repressed muppets with a skewed vision of reality. We see it as it is. Harmless flirtation.

The problem with things as they are these days, is that no one is to the point about what they want. If I want to fúck someone, I dont really dilly dally round the subject or compliment their hair, I make it plain from the off. Most people DONT do this leading to a perception across the board of males and females that "oh my god. He/she is talking to me. He/she MUST want to fúck me".

Bollíx. Time people grew up.

K-

Miss Fluff

I'd deduce from your post that either:
You fancy him or you want him to fancy you. Your hardly blameless, threatening to "beat" someone does have sexual connotations so what did you expect? I think it would be lunacy to create a drama (unless you want to) over a bit of harmless flirting.

forbairt

just read the first post ... sounds like the type of thing I'd say to friends / random strangers and I'm getting married in 2 months .. ... don't read too much into it unless there are other indications that he "likes" you

Kell

Miss Fluff wrote:

Your hardly blameless, threatening to "beat" someone does have sexual connotations so what did you expect?

"Ladies and gentleman of the jury, what the witness ACTUALLY said before beating the victim to death was 'I want to shag you'. Therefore, as my client, did not in fact shag the victim, I urge you to drop the charges against him."

So- Ms. Fluff. If I say to a female mate of mine as I exit the room to take a píss, "dont touch my doghnut, or I'll have to beat you" does this mean that I wish to shag her or beat her senseless if she touches my doghnut?

Or, if I reply to a mate when she texts me about some guy she is into "so, are you lying there stroking your peanut butter covered clit thinking of him right now" that I want to shag her too?

Have you no understanding of CONTEXT? The OP clearly said "I said he'd better have it done or I would have to beat him". Did no one actually read that bit? Thats exactly like my doghnut example, yet if she had of said "My mate said he would beat me if I touched his doghnut*, do you think there is more to it" you'd all say no.

Jeebus. Thank god its the world thats skewed and not me. Phew.

forbairt wrote:

don't read too much into it unless there are other indications that he "likes" you

Zank and eegads. He's just invited a whole load more trouble now Betsy.

K-

*Dont go there

Doodee

drop the hand and see what he does.
if he follows through and plays the remaining 9 holes then he likes you.
If not then you win by default.

cheeky_guy

But Kell plenty of people including myself and girls i know ALL use that line (il beat ya) as a big time flirt and a way of seeing if someone likes you. If a girl said that to me i would presume immediately she was into me or i was into her. Maybe youre just one of these guys that girls LOVE but as a friend and they say things like that to you because they feel comfortable saying things like that to you sonce they know nothing will come out of it. Especially the fact that you have three older sisters. Maybe girls out there look on you as a bit of a younger brother and you dont score near as many times are you are trying to get accross in your posts!!

And by the way Kell how many girls have you slept in a bed with, but never actually done anything?? Im just curious to know!!

Floppybits

Kell wrote:

"Or, if I reply to a mate when she texts me about some guy she is into "so, are you lying there stroking your peanut butter covered clit thinking of him right now" that I want to shag her too?
*Dont go there

Kell you send those texts as well, I thought it was just me.

OP, Look it was a harmless text you are reading to much into it. I send texts like that to my female friends all the time, they just think I have a dirty mind, which is more than likely true.

Doodee

cheeky_guy wrote:

But Kell plenty of people including myself and girls i know ALL use that line (il beat ya) as a big time flirt and a way of seeing if someone likes you. If a girl said that to me i would presume immediately she was into me or i was into her. Maybe youre just one of these guys that girls LOVE but as a friend and they say things like that to you because they feel comfortable saying things like that to you sonce they know nothing will come out of it. Especially the fact that you have three older sisters. Maybe girls out there look on you as a bit of a younger brother and you dont score near as many times are you are trying to get accross in your posts!!

And by the way Kell how many girls have you slept in a bed with, but never actually done anything?? Im just curious to know!!

or maybe you could actually use proper English and associate beat with Gross Bodily harm. I hate this slang that seems to be developing in the younger generation where they use terms like "Meet" to say kiss. Why cant you just say kiss? its far less confusing.

Oh well, I will get my revenge some day with a 9mm and finally tracking down Fergie

[Edit] after further reading i must ask if you have ever been accused of date rape?
If a girl said she would "Beat you" if you didn't stop following her, that means you continue to follow her and make a move. does that mean that "no" actually means "Come to me big boy"? [/edit]

tbh

Kell wrote:

Or, if I reply to a mate when she texts me about some guy she is into "so, are you lying there stroking your peanut butter covered clit thinking of him right now" that I want to shag her too?

Have you no understanding of CONTEXT?

you're right. It *is* all about context. For example, would you send that text message to any of your sisters? Cause I wouldn't (well, I would to yours, but not to mine). Why? Totally inappropriate, in the context of the relationship. Maybe the OP sees her boyfriends mate as a surrogate brother, and the boyfriends mate sees her as his mates girlfriend.

Kell

cheeky_guy wrote:

But Kell plenty of people including myself and girls i know ALL use that line (il beat ya) as a big time flirt and a way of seeing if someone likes you.

How old are you? Before you ask why it is relevant, I am 32. It takes a lot to shock, offend, bother or otherwise me. If someone says that to me I respond asking if its with whips and chains assuming that they will think nothing of it. Even the gay ones. If they do, they are sad twats just like the majority of......

cheeky_guy wrote:

If a girl said that to me i would presume immediately she was into me or i was into her.

Again- how old are you?

cheeky_guy wrote:

you dont score near as many times are you are trying to get accross in your posts!!

Now, something I learned when I was wet around the ears like you, is that people dont like honesty. Tis true. When people asked me "are you good at painting" and I replied yes, they said "ooh he is soo full of himself". When people asked "are you a good drummer" and I replied yes, they said "ooh, isnt he soo full of himself". Fact is that being honest about your talents make people feel insecure. Consequently, they have a habit of trying to project this insecurity onto other people by saying "isnt he sooo full of himself". You would not have made such a statement had my honesty not prompted you to think that my honest blunt replies are lies, so I shant pander to your insecurity thanks.

cheeky_guy wrote:

And by the way Kell how many girls have you slept in a bed with, but never actually done anything?? Im just curious to know!!

Are we into "my mickey is bigger than yours" shenanigans now?

Grow up.

K-

BaZmO*

Doodee wrote:

I hate this slang that seems to be developing in the younger generation where they use terms like "Meet" to say kiss. Why cant you just say kiss? its far less confusing.

Younger generation? I'm 32 and that term has been doing the rounds since I was a whipper snapper.