amsterdam with the lads... i'm the gf at home

LegacyUser

my boyfriend is off to amsterdam in 2 weeks time with 4 of his friends (guys who are all single). Now, I know that I don't really have a leg to stand on and cannot say ANYTHING to my boyfriend about how I feel etc (as of course he's allowed do what he wants etc). But I feel so left out. We've been going out 9 months+ I'd have been well up for a laugh and to go to Amsterdam etc. But I wasn't invited. They planned it a couple of months ago (we'd been going out over 6 months at that stage). + all he said was 'sorry, it's a lads weekend' and that was that. It'd be ok I guess, if the other guys were going out with people+ weren't taking them.. but it's like they don't want ME to go etc... I guess I'm just ranting. Sorry. One of my guy friends said that if my bf was half a man, he'd have put his foot down+ told his friends I was going too!. + maybe I'm just being paronoid, but I'm a very open minded person+ have been to amsterdam before... so that makes me wonder, even though I do trust him 100%... what sort of stuff will his friends get up to+ I don't want him feeling bad as he's going out with me etc+ can't do whatever his friends are doing.... (thinking 'darn it, I wish I was single' etc)

Carrigart Exile

Do you take him on girly weekends or girly nights out. Stop being selfish, stop giving him a hard time about it and don't ruin his time away by trying to give him a guilt trip. Can you not see how embarrassing it would be for him to have to bring you along and how much it would ruin the opportunity for his pals to enjoy themselves with you there

BeardyGit

It's a lads weekend, not a 'lads and one girlfriend' weekend.

You know that already so what's the problem?

I mean, apart from you being all selfish, moany and jealous, is there a problem at all?

I can imagine how chuffed you'd be if you organised a weekend for the two of you and he wanted to bring the lads along.....Ridiculous, isn't it? The whole thing is ridiculous.... :rolleyes:

little lady

It’s a lads weekend, leave him go have a bit of fun with his mates, you don’t want to be seen by him or his friends as a moany, clinging girlfriend who won’t let her boyfriend go anywhere without her. Organise a girlie weekend with your friends while he’s away and then go away for a weekend with him at a later date.

It’s no big deal; all guys enjoy a “lad’s weekend” as much as all girls enjoy a “girlie weekend”.

youcancallmeal

Wow I don't know any guy who would tell another guys girlfirend that she should put her foot down and demand that she be brought away on a weekend with all the lads? Maybe this "male friend" of yours has ulterior motives?

I've been to Amsterdam twice without my other half(and once with) and it didnt seem to have ever bothered her? Or maybe it did but she decided to keep it to herself because she trusts me, and she would be right to!

Maybe its a trust issue between you and your boyfriend?

Anti

Why the feck should he take you to tag along for the weekend when its a "lads weekend"

Let the lad go and have some fun. But i think your more worried that he might go to the bannana club, or visit celebrity street. If you know you can trust him you have nothing to worry about.

As for ihs friend, he dosent sound like much of a friend to be honest.

Why dont you and a few of your girl friends head to paris/milan/london for a weekend of shopping?

Cateym

Carrigart Exile wrote:

Do you take him on girly weekends or girly nights out. Stop being selfish, stop giving him a hard time about it and don't ruin his time away by trying to give him a guilt trip. Can you not see how embarrassing it would be for him to have to bring you along and how much it would ruin the opportunity for his pals to enjoy themselves with you there

This is not a regular weekend though is it, this is Amsterdam! Do you think the OP would be on here posting if it was say Liverpool, I don't think so. I wonder OP is it really the fact he is going away without you or is it where he is going is causing the problem??

LegacyUser

'Hey,

I've been to Amsterdam loads of time and believe me when i say "don't let him go". Regardless of the amount of smoke and pills the lads will be doing alot of Window shopping will take place.
The women are page 3 Material and with a couple of beers, smokes inside of you, you'll be like ah sure why not fullfill all my fantasies.
I've done it.
So did 10 other lads i was with. Mind you 2 lads refused (but that was because one was married to the others sister).
What is a lads weekend away anyhow?
Things they can do with out having to justify themselves to the gf.

Ask him 10 good reasons why you can't join them?
Is it because his friends will feel weird if you see them using Prostitutes?'

scojones

It's a lads weekend . No girls. Now, don't go being spiteful and planning a girls weekend *just* so you don't have to bring him, because that would be very childish.

You're a couple, but this is a lads weekend. Would you want to tag along on a stag weekend too?

HashSlinging

Live and let live is what I say, maybe plan something yourself for that weekend so you wont be that worried about what he gets up to. BTW Your mate sounds like a snake in the grass.

um7y1h83ge06nx

youcancallme>al wrote:

Wow I don't know any guy who would tell another guys girlfirend that she should put her foot down and demand that she be brought away on a weekend with all the lads? Maybe this "male friend" of yours has ulterior motives?

I reckon he is either homosexual (not criticising that btw) and doesn't understand the lads holiday mentality or he is heterosexual and just wants to get into your pants.

Anyway, as the others said it's a lads holiday.

My GF, a teacher, went to Tenerife with her friends during the Easter holidays and I'm heading to San Antonio, Ibiza in June! If either of us brought the other along on either of these holidays we would get some strange looks from the rest!

LegacyUser

'I think you're being silly to be honest. My boyfriend is going off on holidays with all his best friends, some females invited, and I'm not going. I told him I wasn't going before he even asked because he needs time to go off and do his own thing. Just because you're going out doesn't mean he has to include you on everything.'

The Corinthian

unreggirlfriend wrote:

But I feel so left out. We've been going out 9 months+ I'd have been well up for a laugh and to go to Amsterdam etc. But I wasn't invited. They planned it a couple of months ago (we'd been going out over 6 months at that stage). + all he said was 'sorry, it's a lads weekend' and that was that.

Sometimes guys need lads weekends, it’s just part of our psychology. Perhaps you could suggest another trip to Amsterdam, mixed, in the future. Additionally I would suggest a girls night out when he’s away.

One of my guy friends said that if my bf was half a man, he'd have put his foot down+ told his friends I was going too!

With all due respects, your guy friend is talking through his arse.

Carrigart Exile wrote:

Do you take him on girly weekends or girly nights out. Stop being selfish, stop giving him a hard time about it and don't ruin his time away by trying to give him a guilt trip.

In fairness, she’s not giving him a hard time (at least she’s not saying so), she’s only upset because she being left out of the trip. That’s perfectly natural and only selfish if she acted upon it without care for his wishes.

frizzefreckles

It's a lads weekend, let him off, as the other posters have said you can arrange a girly weekend for that weekend. And would you really like to have him along with you if you planned a weekend with the girl? Ask yourself why do you want to go along so much.

BeardyGit

Yeah, forgot to say that - Your male friend is busy planting seeds of doubt there. He wants to get into your pants from the sounds of things. Typical tosser carry on.

Anti

scojones wrote:

It's a lads weekend . No girls. Now, don't go being spiteful and planning a girls weekend *just* so you don't have to bring him, because that would be very childish.

You're a couple, but this is a lads weekend. Would you want to tag along on a stag weekend too?

QFT!

easyontheeye

why would you want to go and ruin it for his mates? why would you want to go in the first place? im sure he wouldnt want to tag along on a weekend away with you and 4 girls?!

seamus

As others have said, it's a lads weekend. Bringing you along would ruin the ladishness of it for him.

You know what guys get up to on lads' weekends? They drink too much, get at 2pm, have McDonalds for breakfast, do a little bit of sightseeing, go to the pub, have dinner half-sloshed at 10pm, get pissed.....etc

With a girlfriend tagging along it's usually impossible to do that. That's not to say that girl don't want to do these things, but bringing along a SO is not just bringing another person on holiday. It's adding an extra decision maker to one of the already existing people. It would be fine if you decided "I want to get up at 10am and go to a museum", and you did that. But 99% of the time, your boyfriend would have to join you.

Oh, and as a rule - any straight male friend who criticises your boyfriend's actions = trying to get into your knickers.

biko

seamus wrote:

Oh, and as a rule - any straight male friend who criticises your boyfriend's actions = trying to get into your knickers.

qft

greenkittie

God i don't understand this thing about "lads weekends" and "girly nights out" its just part of this stupid Irish idea that people cant be friends with the opposite sex and that if you bring your girlfriend/boyfriend along they are going to moan and complain. If my boyfriend was going away he would want to bring me along cause we have the best fun together!

Anti

seamus wrote:

Oh, and as a rule - any straight male friend who criticises your boyfriend's actions = trying to get into your knickers.

I was thinking that but didnt want to say it.

easyontheeye

seamus wrote:

Oh, and as a rule - any straight male friend who criticises your boyfriend's actions = trying to get into your knickers.

QFT X2

biko

Kittie, when you get a bf they don't automatically fit right in into your circle of friends. These friends have been around years, bf months.

I don't always get invited to girly stuff which is fine. She has her own time and I have mine.

greenkittie

biko wrote:

Kittie, when you get a bf they don't automatically fit right in into your circle of friends. These friends have been around years, bf months.

I don't always get invited to girly stuff which is fine. She has her own time and I have mine.

Ah you see if they didn't automatically fit in with my friends and i with theirs i would not see the relationship going anywhere as i have learned from past experience it wont work for me.
I personally would rarely be in a purely female situation and if i was it would be by coincidence rather than design so maybe thats why i don't understand.

Marksie

unreggirlfriend wrote:

maybe I'm just being paronoid, but I'm a very open minded person+ have been to amsterdam before... so that makes me wonder, even though I do trust him 100%... what sort of stuff will his friends get up to+ I don't want him feeling bad as he's going out with me etc+ can't do whatever his friends are doing.... (thinking 'darn it, I wish I was single' etc)

No you don't trust him 100%. What is the real issue here... trust?.
Because its amsterdam? you can get up to as much in Dublin.

He has said its a lads weekend. Have you ever had a girl's weekend? if you do is he likely to want to come on it?..if he does what would be the thoughts crossing your mind?.... probably he doesnt trust me.

As for your friend, he is just telling you what you want to hear.

seamus

greenkittie wrote:

Ah you see if they didn't automatically fit in with my friends and i with theirs i would not see the relationship going anywhere as i have learned from past experience it wont work for me.

Horses for courses. My girlfriend and me pretty much have entirely separate groups of friends. She gets bored around my friends, and I get bored around her friends. She's quite girly, and talk of celebrities and clothes makes me want to tear my eyes out. Conversely, watching south park, drinking beer and talking general male crap bores her to tears.
It's never been a problem - quite the opposite, our friends give us a chance to do our own thing. We'd probably get bored if we had the same group of friends. If we're going out together, we'll more often than not go out with our collective siblings.

scoey

unreggirlfriend wrote:

One of my guy friends said that if my bf was half a man, he'd have put his foot down+ told his friends I was going too!.

This was my favourite part of the story. This friend sounds like a real man, maybe you should give him a shot?

The reason you're not invited is because your presence would ruin the whole social dynamic of the trip, regardless of how much he likes you or how cool a person you may be, ie "It's a lads weekend"

Cateym

marksuttonie wrote:

No you don't trust him 100%. What is the real issue here... trust? Because its amsterdam? you can get up to as much in Dublin.

My point precisely.Boys will be boys and we all know why they are going to Amsterdam. My brother went with a gang of lads and he said 95% indulged with the ladies, whether they had girlfriends or not didn't seem to matter. I'm presuming he did as well but sure that's his business

I don't blame you OP. I wouldn't be enamoured if my other half was going but I wouldn't stop him either.

What does QFT mean by the way?

LegacyUser

'My bf does this a few times a year, himself and the lads head off for their weekends away, for football weekends or birthday weekends.
We've been together for 3 and a half years and it doesn't bother me now. You just have to trust him. Believe me if you nag him (I know you said your not but just in case), when he comes back he won't tell you what they got up to for fear of upsetting you. My bf now tells me when they go to strip clubs even! It what most lads do so don't worry about it.
At first i did mind a bit because we were still getting to know each other but now I look forward to it because it means I get a bottle of perfume each time from duty free!!

Just relax, if you trust him let it lie and head off and enjoy yourself that weekend. Tell him to go and enjoy himself.
I have been in your shoes and I promise there's no point fretting at all. And I'm sure you wouldn't want to be there with a load of lads either!'

Mighty_Mouse

No bunch of lads would be impressed if after booking a holiday to Amsterdam one lad turns up with his chick!
To be honest there would be a good chance of both of ye getting left behind!

Ive got the best friends that are girls in the world but still the occasional weekend calls for male only company.

If I had a gf that was gonnna make a huge issue out of it everytime then it would be seriously annoying.

matrim

I have to agree with the other posters, it's a lads weekend. It's nothing personal about you but they want to blow off some steam on thier own. The whole dynamic of a group changes when one of the people has thier partner with them. I went on one recently and one of the lads gf's tried to insist she was coming. In the end we told our friend that he couldn't come if she was.

It was nothing personal about her, she's sound and we get on well with her but we know it would have been different if she was there. Instead of us just grabbing a free bed, they would have had to have a room to themselves, some of our conversations wouldn't have happened as we know she wouldn't talk about it. Little things like that are what makes those holidays.

Also, Just cause it's amsterdam doesn't mean anything either. Anything you can do there you can do in most cities. I've been there a couple of times and walking through the red light district does nothing. Sure some of them are good looking but when you see some drunken English guy come out and all his friends cheering it just turns you off because you know about 10 other drunken lads have probably done the same thing before him.

rediguana

I haven't read other replies, so sorry for any repitition.

It's a lads' weekend. The three other guys would be aghast if someone brought his girlfriend. They might not be doing anything too crazy in Amsterdam, but a girlfriend would completely change the tone of the weekend, for the worse (as far as they're concerned).

As long as there are no double standards (i.e. you should be allowed to go to Crete or Lesbos in the summer with a gaggle of your girlfriends), I don't see a problem. I can understand why you don't feel great about it, but you just need to bite your tongue and try to enjoy yourself when he's away.

I was in Amsterdam with two male friends in 1999. We went to the Rijks Museum, a tulip market, cafes etc. We hardly ever went to prostitutes.

rediguana

Spot the joke in the above post, before anyone complains.

um7y1h83ge06nx

rediguana wrote:

We hardly ever went to prostitutes.

Do I win a prize? Or maybe it's the island of Lesbos.

Back on topic. About the whole Amsterdam thing. You don't HAVE to go to brothels. I know lads that went over there and didn't touch a prostitute. They spent their time doing some sightseeing, getting blind drunk and stoned off their faces.

Anyway would you really want to go with them, as they get drunk, stoned and stay out till 6 or 7 in the morning?

As I mentioned earlier about me going to Ibiza, one of my friend's gf wasn't too happy about it until he mentioned that I would probably be coming as well, the only other guy in a relationship. My GF on the other hand has no problem as she trusts me and reckons we should both be able to do our own things within reason.

rediguana

Rosalie Low Harp wrote:

Do I win a prize? Or maybe it's the island of Lesbos.

Back on topic. About the whole Amsterdam thing. You don't HAVE to go to brothels. I know lads that went over there and didn't touch a prostitute. They spent their time doing some sightseeing, getting blind drunk and stoned off their faces.

Anyway would you really want to go with them, as they get drunk, stoned and stay out till 6 or 7 in the morning?

As I mentioned earlier about me going to Ibiza, one of my friend's gf wasn't too happy about it until he mentioned that I would probably be coming as well, the only other guy in a relationship. My GF on the other hand has no problem as she trusts me and reckons we should both be able to do our own things within reason.

I wasn't even fully aware of the "Lesbos" one! But yes, well spotted, SuperSonic. Yes, the joke is that we actually went to prostitutes ALL THE TIME. Gagaga.

Ah no, we didn't. Who could afford so much love?

Galadriel

Big deal hes going away for a WEEKEND without you? things would get very boring if you spent every waking minute with each other. It sounds to me as if you don't trust him, otherwise it wouldn't make any difference if he went on a night out in Amsterdam or Dublin.

BeardyGit

greenkittie wrote:

If my boyfriend was going away he would want to bring me along cause we have the best fun together!

Do you really believe that? Really?....

....I have a lovely little bridge for sale if you're interested?

Look, seriously, he wouldn't want to bring you if it was a straight up lads weekend. He might tell you he would like to but can't because yadda yadda, but trust me on this, he'd only be doing it to satisfy your need to be needy.....

Lads weekends in Amsterdam aren't necessarily all about taking drugs and chasing down that last STI to put on your scoresheet. It's about being able to tell the other lads who don't go some 'big fish' stories about that mad weekend in Amsterdam..... What actually happens (for the Irish anyway) is that they'll do a bit of sightseeing, drink throughout the afternoon, eat a bit of dinner, look at some tranny prostitutes and guess if the tits are real or, and whether they're still packing heat or not etc., etc (no offence, but it's part of the entertainment). This can be accompanied by lots of crass humour and crude comments, much to the amusement of themselves etc. The night will more often than not end with a few smokes for those interested in the local café and a chip feed-bag to hang around your neck on the way back to a hotel.

But hey, if it serves your purpose pet, continue to think the worst. Well, that's what happens when you stereotype Irish men anyway, isn't it? :rolleyes:

Loadzamoney

I am married and heading to Amsterdam on a stag night in June. I don't think it should be a problem if gf or wife/partner trusts you enough. I don't have any intentions of sampling anything more than a beer and a smoke though I am sure that theer is plenty more on offer (I have never been there before).

As you are going out for 9 months, I'm not sure that ye are together long enough for you to be whingeing etc about him going. It might just make him run a mile as he will be feeling like he's married already.
So, I would say, just let him go and tell him that you will miss him at the weekend and look forward to him getting home

Loadzamoney

Loadzamoney wrote:

I am married and heading to Amsterdam on a stag night in June. I don't think it should be a problem if gf or wife/partner trusts you enough. I don't have any intentions of sampling anything more than a beer and a smoke though I am sure that theer is plenty more on offer (I have never been there before).

As you are going out for 9 months, I'm not sure that ye are together long enough for you to be whingeing etc about him going. It might just make him run a mile as he will be feeling like he's married already.
So, I would say, just let him go and tell him that you will miss him at the weekend and look forward to him getting home

Anyone know a god hotel to stay in over there?

seamus

Cateym wrote:

My point precisely.Boys will be boys and we all know why they are going to Amsterdam.

Actually, it depends entirely on the people that are going. The OP knows if her boyfriend is going to cheat, plain and simple. My brother went to a stag in Amsterdam, and no-one went to a brothel, not even the single ones (though I assume they did score). All they did was eat, drink and get stoned. And do a little paintball.

I know people who have and would spend half of their trip to Amsterdam in a brothel, and I know other people who wouldn't. You can't say "Ah boys will be boys, we all know they love to pay for the sex". :rolleyes:

Cancer-chick

Have been in this situation with ex and many years later found out my fears were not unfounded However current Mr cc would be trusted in the playboy mansion ..well maybe not the playboy mansion but he went off to prague with 15 lads from home and i was'nt stressed at all , I was delighted the guy got a break! which is i think as it should be.

So personally my take on the situation is that if your man/woman is that way inclined to cheat they will.. You may/may never know.. But you dont sound like you trust him really and i dont think that has much to do with where he is going .. there are beautiful women everywhere. I just think you dont trust him full stop.

Your male friend was lying through his teeth to you for his own reasons and i can tell you now no normal man i know would want his gf to come to amsterdam so im with the lads on this, The difference being if you read a post like mother******s way back you will cry and freak out.. But (and please lads do let me know if im wrong here) if your guy wants to cheat on you it doesnt matter where he is really. And by being anxious and controlling (which really is how it will come off to him) you wil end up driving him away regardless..

I think you need to decide if he is worth all this stress or are you going to lock him up for the rest of his natural life.. Im sorry to be harsh but this is the world we live in ..

um7y1h83ge06nx

seamus wrote:

I know people who have and would spend half of their trip to Amsterdam in a brothel, and I know other people who wouldn't. You can't say "Ah boys will be boys, we all know they love to pay for the sex". :rolleyes:

True.

A lot of lads I know, including myself, would never go to a brothel. I think it's like an admission of defeat, that the only way you can score is by having to pay for it. I would rather use Pa(l)m and her five sisters instead.

Of course I know guys that would have no trouble cheating on their GF by picking up someone in a pub or club.

I think it's a "State of Love and Trust" (great Pearl Jam song! ) for the OP. Does she wonder if her bf loves her enough not to cheat and does she trust him enough to leave him go on his own to an infamous party city?

um7y1h83ge06nx

Cancer-chick wrote:

But (and please lads do let me know if im wrong here) if your guy wants to cheat on you it doesnt matter where he is really. And by being anxious and controlling (which really is how it will come off to him) you wil end up driving him away regardless..

Yeah, you're bang on there Cancer-chick. Limerick, Dublin, Cork, Amsterdam are all the same really if a guy or girl wants to cheat.

And anxious and controlling is never a good thing.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Cancer-chick

The Scientist wrote:

So!?
I went with the lads and didnt sample the local fanjita.
Plently of window shopping was done but i didnt feel the need to pay for it.

If your fella loves you then you've nothing to worry about.

Finally a guys perspective on mothertruckers post .. Im restored !!

LegacyUser

'

frizzefreckles wrote:

It's a lads weekend, let him off, as the other posters have said you can arrange a girly weekend for that weekend. And would you really like to have him along with you if you planned a weekend with the girl? Ask yourself why do you want to go along so much.

Thanks for replying. I haven't read through all the replies yet... bt I HAVE NOT said anything to him, nor am I going to,so yes, I might have these 'selfish' feelings as people are saying, but I'm not going to act on any of them. I'm not going to be that clingy girlfriend.

Of course he is allowed go where he wants with his friends, he's his own person,but yeah, it's because, of all places in the world, it's Amserdam+ like an early poster said, there's going to be girls who look like page 3 models or whatever all around the place+ as his friends are all single, they're totally going to go somewhere where any 'taken' guy could easily be tempted. It's not about trust either, as I do trust my bf... it's more about him thinking 'oh WHY do I have a girlfriend etc...'+ realising that it's better to be single etc... I know... ridiculous eh.
Of all his friends I've met, they're ALL single...

I guess it's just me being insecure, that he'll be going somewhere with gorgeous girls all around him etc.
I mean, lads, what if your girlfriend was going somewhere with a bunch of single girl friends, that had naked buff guys in the window... would any of ye feel even the slightest bit of, fear?

Also, about that friend of mine (in no relation to this) has been the worst friend ever (so whoever said 'snake in the grass', I think you got it in one)'

LegacyUser

'

marksuttonie wrote:

No you don't trust him 100%. What is the real issue here... trust?.
Because its amsterdam? you can get up to as much in Dublin.

He has said its a lads weekend. Have you ever had a girl's weekend? if you do is he likely to want to come on it?..if he does what would be the thoughts crossing your mind?.... probably he doesnt trust me.

As for your friend, he is just telling you what you want to hear.

No, maybe it's just me, but I've never really understood 'girls weekends' and 'lads weekends' . Ok, the only time I've been on a 'girl's weekend' was when the team I was playing for in college (all girls) went abroad for a weekend+ a fair few of them cheated on boyfriends back home. Nice.

+I've just read more people saying 'trust' is the issue etc.. it's not. It really is about him just maybe realising what he's missing out on because he's going out with someone.'

HashSlinging

Loadzamoney wrote:

Anyone know a god hotel to stay in over there?

Dont do the hotel thing in amsterdam go and stay in a hostel The flying pig is the best I've stayed in.

http://www.flyingpig.nl/index.shtml

Glowing

Its *so* important in a relationship to have a life of your own! The others are right, if he's going to do the dirt, he'll do it, regardless of where he is.

Let him go, let him enjoy it, and book something girlie for that weekend so you're not pining. If he insisted on joining you for a weekend away with the girls, you wouldn't be too happy would you? At least i wouldn't

Attol

Personally I don't get the whole "lads holiday" thing. I just think it's a tad cliched. But back on the topic : Has he ever given you reason not to trust him? If he hasn't then you shouldn't have anything to worry about. If it's just jealousy that's understandable too as it could be fun to go along but don't ruin his holiday just because you'd like to go. Sure there'll be times you'll want to go somewhere without him as well.

humanji

Cancer-chick wrote:

Finally a guys perspective on mothertruckers post .. Im restored !!

I think everyone else was just ignoring that post

OP, you're just worrying needlessly. Yes, there are some good looking girls in Amsterdam. There are also some good looking girls in Dublin, in Cork, in Paris, in Sydney, in Kuala Lumpar and in pretty much every place on Earth.

Amsterdam isn't just about drugs and hookers, so don't worry about it too much. Give your bf some credit. He won't even consider cheating on you. He'll have a laugh over there and come back to you.