Problem with housemate

Cateym

This may sound far out there but is a genuine prob. Boyf and I rented room in our apartment to a girl in her late 30's early 40's. All going well til today really.

I came home from work yesterday to find a sizeable damp patch on the suede sofa. I literally sat down, thought what is that awful stink and saw the patch. Have no real idea what it is but I swear it smells bad enough to faecal in nature (****e basically!) This wasn't the first time. A few months ago the exact same thing happpened but it was a tiny stain and came out so we let it go.This one is not coming out though so we said we needed to find out who caused it.

By a process of elimination we worked out she was the only one in the house when it happened. She's away for weekend so I sent a very polite non-accusatory text asking had she any clue what it might be so we could clean it. Got a text back saying no she didn't then she rang. I answered and got told how she was so offended that I accused her of staining the couch. I tried to reasonably explain that I wasn't but she's one of these people who rants so after a bit I apologised again and suggested we leave it at that and she hung up on me!!!

Thing is I am now dreading her return. I think she will go nuts. Boyf thinks the mere fact she is so defensive makes her look very guilty. Basically I am looking for advice on how to handle the situation. Maybe she has some medical prob I don't know but stain was almost def of her making.....unless we have poltergeists or something!!!!

bugler

She may suffer from incontinence. If she does, she should at least be upfront about it and offer to pay for dry-cleaning / replacement etc. It may be embarassing, but pretending it didn't happen isn't on.

You might try and broach this in a sensitive way and work something out. But to be honest if having the couch shat upon was a regular habit of my housemate I'd ask them to leave, genuine reason or not.

dame

I'd get one of those chemical cleaning companies to come in and clean the couch and insist she pays half the price at least. That's probably the best you'll get out of her by the sound of things. Like bugler, I'd try and get a new housemate.

By the way, how's your bathroom? Does it look like anyone's had explosive diarhoeia (however that's spelled?) in there? I'd give the little room a good clean just in case (and use a disinfectant wipe on all the door handles, but that's just cos I'm paranoid about germs like that).

MojoMaker

What has her age go to do with any of this

wyndham

Have a look at her bed and see if it has been shat also.

Icequeen

bugler wrote:

She may suffer from incontinence. If she does, she should at least be upfront about it and offer to pay for dry-cleaning / replacement etc. It may be embarassing, but pretending it didn't happen isn't on.

I was thinking the same thing except I was thinking IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) but as bugler says she may just be embarrassed about it. I'm sure she's not doing it on purpose. Instead of all this "get cleaners and force her to pay" s*it cause if you do that it'll only make the situation worse for her and you instead you could try sitting down with her and getting her to open up about her problem and then between yous finding ways to stop the issues in the first place. And I'm sure if she knows you know and are willing to help it stop being an issue and it seems like you're on her side and she knows that she doesn't have to be all secretive and embarrassed about it she'll offer to pay for the cleaning herself.

BeardyGit

MojoMaker wrote:

What has her age go to do with any of this

She's an adult with decades of life experience, which *should* mean the OP can treat her as such..... Reference to age shouldn't be taken negatively.

Raskolnikov

wyndham wrote:

Have a look at her bed and see if it has been shat also.

Yes, go into the woman's room and totally disregard her privacy :rolleyes:

chuci

id get it cleaned and demand her to pay at least half of it if not all of it if tyhe time line points that it can only be her. maybe she does have a medical prob but she should have discussed this with you at some point. how ong has she been living with you? if she cant give you a reasonable explanation when she gets back. id say start looking for a new house mate. best of luck. oh i really wouldnt recommend going into her room either

Cateym

She came back to the apartment this morning early to get a few things. I have a feeling she won't be coming back for a few days. I wasn't up yet so I didn't get a chance to speak with her before she left.

She was in the apartment 20 minutes and I heard the toilet flush three times in that period. (No-one else was home). Maybe she does have a problem. The same girl also had a bloke back one night and they slept on the sofa and proceeded to leave little white stains on it!!! Wonder what that was :rolleyes:

Cateym

chuci wrote:

id get it cleaned and demand her to pay at least half of it if not all of it if tyhe time line points that it can only be her. maybe she does have a medical prob but she should have discussed this with you at some point. how ong has she been living with you? if she cant give you a reasonable explanation when she gets back. id say start looking for a new house mate. best of luck. oh i really wouldnt recommend going into her room either

She's been here since beginning of december. I think she will prob give her notice whenever she comes back. She won't give us an explanation because I have apparently offended her by accusing her of causing this stain. She def won't pay for cleaning it coz she says she didn't cause even though no-one else was in the apartment but her in the time frame it happened. The whole thing is so weird.

ferdi

ah now, thats not on.

tell her to clean up after herself - its your gaf, she is an adult paying rent, tell it to her straight in a clam rational manner, if she starts ranting and raving, suggest that if she dosnt like the house rules (ie: not leaving sh1te and semen on the furniture) then she might like to find alternative lodgings.

_Kaiser_

If she's not mature enough (especially at her age) that she's reacting the way she is when it's obvious it HAD to have been her (or someone she brought back) then in my opinion you're better off rid of her.

It's not like you owe her anything, and you certainly don't need the hassle (or the bills) of feeling uncomfortable in your own home

latenia

Maybe your boyfriend was caught short after a night of Guinness and kebabs and is now looking for a convenient scapegoat. Does he have a firm alibi for the time in question? If not a simple DNA test on the substance will reveal the truth.

_Kaiser_

latenia wrote:

Maybe your boyfriend was caught short after a night of Guinness and kebabs and is now looking for a convenient scapegoat. Does he have a firm alibi for the time in question? If not a simple DNA test on the substance will reveal the truth.

That's a bit of a leap. In her original post the OP says she AND her boyfriend worked out who was in the house at the time it happened. Presumably then they were either together, or he had an "alibi"

Trying to put doubts in her head about him is unfair. If this woman has previously had guys back and there's semen stains on the couch the next morning, I think it's pretty obvious who the problem is.

Cateym

latenia wrote:

Maybe your boyfriend was caught short after a night of Guinness and kebabs and is now looking for a convenient scapegoat. Does he have a firm alibi for the time in question? If not a simple DNA test on the substance will reveal the truth.

I'm his alibi!! He wasn't out wednesday night. He was with me. I do hope your joking about the DNA test though!!! Don't you think thats a bit extreme???

Zaph

Cateym wrote:

She's been here since beginning of december. I think she will prob give her notice whenever she comes back. She won't give us an explanation because I have apparently offended her by accusing her of causing this stain. She def won't pay for cleaning it coz she says she didn't cause even though no-one else was in the apartment but her in the time frame it happened. The whole thing is so weird.

Well if she does leave and paid a month in advance and is expecting a deposit back you could withhold the cost of cleaning from that.

radioactiveman

hi cateym I don't think there's anything you could have done differently there. You have a right to ask if there's a stain like that, you have rights as well as a person living there independently of being her landlord.
When you get a renter like that it can be a sign of other things, you might avoid much worse situations down the line by giving her her notice.

Probably the worst thing you can have in your gaff is a person that denies things like that - I had a housemate like that before that would literally tell you any b*ll**** that came into his head, it was very unsettling (especially since things were going missing around the place and he was always changing his story - I know that's an extreme example!)

Cateym

radioactiveman wrote:

hi cateym I don't think there's anything you could have done differently there. You have a right to ask if there's a stain like that, you have rights as well as a person living there independently of being her landlord.
When you get a renter like that it can be a sign of other things, you might avoid much worse situations down the line by giving her her notice.

Probably the worst thing you can have in your gaff is a person that denies things like that - I had a housemate like that before that would literally tell you any b*ll**** that came into his head, it was very unsettling (especially since things were going missing around the place and he was always changing his story - I know that's an extreme example!)

Its just she's so hung up now on the fact that she thinks I accused her. The other housemate said he wasn't there that he was at his girlfriends place and there was no song, dance and drama about being accused. I am going to put this to her when she verbally attacks me, which she will. I saw her go off about something someone had done to her lately and she was in a right old state so I'm not relishing this though I'm no shrinking violet myself.

_Kaiser_

Don't get into an argument with her OP. Just say that you think it's not working out so you're giving her her notice. If you really think you need a reason, say you and your boyfriend want more privacy or something.

radioactiveman

exactly you didn't make any accusations so there's nothing to worry about from your point of view

Cateym

So the latest is she is moving out the end of may!! She came back tonight and basically said it was defamation of character! She was having dinner with her "solicitor friend" when she got my message. Apparently it was defamation. So here verbatim is the message I sent. Any legal eagles care to comment???


Hi X, sorry to disturb your weekend. There was a wet stainon couch when I got home from work yesterday.Have asked other housemate but he wasn't home since night before. Have put remover on it but not working so helpline were asking what it was so they could advise on cleaning. It was very strong smelling. Would really appreciate any help in identifying mystery stain!!! Cheers Cateym


So there it is. Where is the defamation or accusation she is so incensed about???

Stirling

Ok Cateym this is in no way Legal Advice and is not to be relied on in anyway shape, make or form but anyways here goes some meaningless nonsense if you get my drift :rolleyes: ...

Defamation requires three seperate elements:

1) A Statement;
2) Which is published;
3) And which would tend to lower the subject of it in the eyes of right thinking members of society

As to these requirements

1) Hard to say whether or not there is a statement in this case - more a request for information really
2) Sending of a text could constitute publication but more so the case where it was missent and I'm guessing that you sent it to your flatmate rather than her friend
3) As for "lowering the subject of it in the eyes of right thinking members of society" if this is indeed a medical complaint then that requirement would probably not be satisfied and even if it did you could hope to rely on the defence of justification if you could establish that your flatmate caused the statement - DNA testing maybe!!!

To be honest everyone has a "Friend" who is a "Solicitor" or a "Garda" when their pride is hurt or they get in trouble so I wouldn't take it too seriously - even if she did want to make things awkward I don't imagine she would get much in the way of damages and the claim would likely be laughed out of court!!

Catari Jaguar

Does she have an IBD? She could have a bag for all you know? Maybe it leaked. Maybe it was a pet?

chris_oc

wyndham wrote:

Have a look at her bed and see if it has been shat also.

funny that you have hanky the christmas poo on ur signature!!!:D

gilroyb

This is in no way intended as legal advice, nor as legal opinion.

The legal thing is worthless. You sent her a private message (a mobile text I presume). Defamation doesn't occur when something is written, but when it is read. If I insult you in a local newspaper it's one thing, if the same article is in a national newspaper it's another. If it were to be in your private diary which no one else ever reads, it's something else again. This case is more like the diary.

Anyway, even if you did defame her, which you didn't, the only other person who saw it was the friend. The friend only saw it because she showed the friend a private correspondence. She had the choice of not showing the message to the friend, she decided it was something she wanted her friend to know about, so it's not in any way defamation as far as I'd see it.

wyndham

Cateym wrote:

So the latest is she is moving out the end of may!! She came back tonight and basically said it was defamation of character! She was having dinner with her "solicitor friend" when she got my message. Apparently it was defamation. So here verbatim is the message I sent. Any legal eagles care to comment???


Hi X, sorry to disturb your weekend. There was a wet stainon couch when I got home from work yesterday.Have asked other housemate but he wasn't home since night before. Have put remover on it but not working so helpline were asking what it was so they could advise on cleaning. It was very strong smelling. Would really appreciate any help in identifying mystery stain!!! Cheers Cateym


So there it is. Where is the defamation or accusation she is so incensed about???

I'd love to be in court for that one. Her imaginary solicitor friend isn't the best in his field i'd reason.If what you said above is verbatim what you said to her, the defensiveness she is displaying doesn't make any sense. You didn't even say the stain was fecal matter. It could be curry sauce. If she didn't know anything about it, she wouldn't react like this.

From the sound of it, you are better off rid of her asap.
In the meantime, buy her a buttplug.

Cateym

Thanks for all the advice guys. I just can't believe how a simple request for information got so out of hand!!!

Miss Fluff

Cateym wrote:

The same girl also had a bloke back one night and they slept on the sofa and proceeded to leave little white stains on it!!! Wonder what that was :rolleyes:

Better of rid, was she born in a barn or what?! WTF??????:eek:

LegacyUser

Make Sure to keep some of her deposit for the removal of the stain

Cateym

Bit of a prob there. Her 'solicitor friend' told her she should use her deposit as her last months rent. I hope there isn't a prob with bill payments. The little white stains were got out fairly easily with the cleaner that came with the sofa. Thing is I still have absolutely no proof that she is responsible for the big stain so can't demand she pay for something she is adamant she didn't have anything to do with.

We have a tenant contract anyway for the next person we get it!

Miss Fluff

Cateym wrote:

Thanks for all the advice guys. I just can't believe how a simple request for information got so out of hand!!!

Neither can I to be honest, are you telling us the whole story? Your text was perfectly acceptable too, was that it verbatim? I find her defensiveness rather strange, I mean it's all a bit Judy Garland flouncing her petticoats and exiting stage left because you asked her about a stain.:rolleyes:

Linoge

Cateym wrote:

Bit of a prob there. Her 'solicitor friend' told her she should use her deposit as her last months rent.

Firstly, her solicitor friend sounds like s/he works in the reception of a solicitors office. Defamation of character? What a joke. Sounds like the kind of crap someone who doesn't have a clue would come out with.

With regards to the deposit being used as rent, I wouldn't let her. Shes a very strange and irrational person, you don't know what she'll do. A deposit is what it is, and she's in no position to make demands.

Cateym

Miss Fluff wrote:

Neither can I to be honest, are you telling us the whole story? Your text was perfectly acceptable too, was that it verbatim? I find her defensiveness rather strange, I mean it's all a bit Judy Garland flouncing her petticoats and exiting stage left because you asked her about a stain.:rolleyes:

The text is verbatim. I didn't leave any bit of it out coz I really wanted to see what ye all thought of it whether maybe I was wrong in what I said.

BaZmO*

When you asked her originally did she know what the stain was you should've asked whether she, or any of her friends had any pets over in the house while you weren't there. That way you're not directly accusing her of sh1tting on your sofa.

Either way, you should give her her marching orders. If you can't ask your housemate a reasonal question without it kicking off is it really worth the hassle?

Next time you speak to her tell her that you don't appreciate the attitude that she gave you when you sent her the text, especially considering that the other HM was fine with the question. If she goes off on one again tell her that it's probably best for all concerned if she was to move out at the end of the month. It's then up to you whether or not you want to keep her deposit, but the fact that you can't actually prove that she stained the sofa might make that difficult. Probably best to cut your losses.

Cateym

I am steering well clear of her!!! She didn't stay there last night anyway. After she came back and said her bit she left. She's leaving end of may in any case.

juliuspret

Cateym wrote:

Bit of a prob there. Her 'solicitor friend' told her she should use her deposit as her last months rent. I hope there isn't a prob with bill payments. The little white stains were got out fairly easily with the cleaner that came with the sofa. Thing is I still have absolutely no proof that she is responsible for the big stain so can't demand she pay for something she is adamant she didn't have anything to do with.

We have a tenant contract anyway for the next person we get it!

Do not let her use the deposit as last months rent!!

You have no idea what type of damage she might do during that month and it will be almost impossible to get payment if you let her off so easily.

DEMAND a last month of rent payment......what have you got to loose?

BaZmO*

Cateym wrote:

I am steering well clear of her!!! She didn't stay there last night anyway. After she came back and said her bit she left. She's leaving end of may in any case.

Why can't your boyfriend talk to her? It's his house too.

Stabshauptmann

Two things are extremely obvious.
1)She does not have a solicitor friend, because the advise is completely bogus.

Without going into the ins and outs of defamation, you didnt say what the stain was, in fact you explicitly say you dont know what it is. So there was nothing to be insulted about, if I got your text from my flatmate Id presume they meant sour milk (just how niaive I am I guess).

Secondly, the person who quoted "published" above didnt quite hit the nail on the head, its "published to a third party", which you didnt. Definitly no defamation.


2)She shat of your couch. The reason this is obvious is because she knew what type of stain it was without you telling her.

Now how it was caused, who knows. Maybe she was drunk, lost control. Maybe she was temporarily unwell or long term unwell. Ive heard some embarressing stories after anal sex.

Thats totally irrelevent though, no matter how it happened she should have cleaned it up, especially considering she had time to do so.

Now about the rent. That would be subject to your contract, or if no contract exists, the norms of these types of contracts (I think I vaguely remember)

Its just as common to pay the last months rent as a deposit as it is to pay a deposit equal in value to a months rent (though on this Im not too sure as my experience renting is limited). My take would be that if she pays her rent on the first day of every month then its her last months rent, if she pays on the last day of the month its a deposit.

Either way though, because shes so psycho, Id demand another months rent, just because she may be in a spiteful mood and decide to do damage. Id also probably take the cost of cleaning out of her deposit.

The_Conductor

Cateym wrote:

Bit of a prob there. Her 'solicitor friend' told her she should use her deposit as her last months rent. I hope there isn't a prob with bill payments. The little white stains were got out fairly easily with the cleaner that came with the sofa. Thing is I still have absolutely no proof that she is responsible for the big stain so can't demand she pay for something she is adamant she didn't have anything to do with.

We have a tenant contract anyway for the next person we get it!

First of all- she has no right to withold rent from you- nor does she have the right to assume that it is satisfactory for her to use her deposit in lieu of rent. If she actually asked, she would be told so by her "solicitor friend"..... You are not entitled to withold her deposit at the end of her tenancy- and any deductions you make from it before you return it to her must be justified and obvious in nature.

This link will give you a few ideas vis-a-vis a tenancy agreement for the rent-a-room scheme.

SarahSassy

She is talking through her hat. She has to pay rent or vacate the room, then she will get the deposit back minus costs for cleaning up her sh1te (pardon the pun). No rent = no keys and I would not give her an inch. She has a nerve. As for the defamation remark - I think her incontinence is verbal as well as *^%£