did she? didn't she?

Robbie Fowler

I was at a stag over the weekend,my girlfriend went to a BBQ when i was away on saturday night
When i arrived home yesterday(sunday) i felt she was a bit odd,or down or something,i asked her was anything wrong and she said she was just tired so i thought nothing of it.
That night as we were getting ready for bed,i noticed there was no sheets on the bed i found this strange as they were not that long on the bed,plus the last thing she'd do on a sunday with a hangover would be to wash the bed sheets....
Now i know this was wrong of me but as she was in the shower before bed i read her texts,i just had a gut feeling someything was up..On her phone was two sent mesages,the replys had been deleted from her inbox.
The texts were to a guy,who i have never heard of and I know all her friends as were are going out a good few years.The first one said
"Thanks that means alot,I know its corny and clichied but i was wondering if we could keep in touch maybe just the odd text or phonecall"
The second one was
"thats great,i never laughed so much as i did last night"
And there was also a missed call from this guy at 3.30am

Also strange last night was she got out of our bed in the middle of the night and went into the spare room,something she never does

So between the bedsheets,the texts,the missed phone calls and leaving in the middle of the night im convinced she met this fella at the BBQ and brought him back to our house and after that god knows

What does everone think?Am i being paranoid...and there is no need for anyone to say it but i know i shouldn't have read her texts

rediguana

It doesn't look good. Confront her. Normally I am very anti- reading a partner's texts but I think it was justified in this case.

humanji

Ask her about it.

neacy69

sounds suspicous alright just ask her what happened if she says nothing then ask her about all the stuff you have posted here

Kell

rediguana wrote:

It doesn't look good. Confront her. Normally I am very anti- reading a partner's texts but I think it was justified in this case.

Hmmn. Sound v suspect alright.

As rediguana says, confront her and get it sorted out. Dont pussy foot around the texts either. You're living together so your gut is probably quite right in thinking something happened/is going on.

Best o luck with it mate. Cant be a nice place to be right now.

K-

easyontheeye

hi,

i think this warrants a chat with her. As you said she has been acting odd, this alone is enough reason to ask her ifs shes ok or if there is something on her mind. The texts are strange too and certainly not good, more so the second one, she had to have deleted the replys for a reason.

i dunno you will probably be get some ppl in here saying you are overeacting but i would not a agree with that ... you also are not blind, chat to her soon before that bad feeling in your stomach gets worse. theres a lot to be said for gut feeling! i hope your gut feeling is wrong...good luck

rovers_runner

If the worst is true:
Track him down and beat the ****er into next week.
I know she would be involved too but she'd have to live with the shame.

If not:
It's still better to clear it up asap as it'll only drag ye down.

Femelade

Did she give you a reason for moving into the spare room in the middle of the night? Have you been speaking to her today yet? I think you should definaltely contront her about all of ths as it does sound a bit suspicious.
Best of Luck.

Hoops1888

Robbie Fowler wrote:

What does everone think?Am i being paranoid...and there is no need for anyone to say it but i know i shouldn't have read her texts

Are you just been paranoid?

Am I reading this right? You were away on a stag, when you came home the sheets were changed you went through your womans phone and there were texts froma a guy one saying I never laughed as much in my life as last night (the night you were away)?

Time to pack the bags my friend and go to your ma's.

Oh and I dont think any guy can say he has never went through a girls phone before.

yop

That does not sound too good alright, maybe noting happened, she may have meet up with an ex or something at the party and may have relived some old times, not necessarily physical.

But you do deserve and explanation in fairness, but she will not take the reading of the text messages to well though.

Robbie Fowler

Femmy wrote:

Did she give you a reason for moving into the spare room in the middle of the night? Have you been speaking to her today yet? I think you should definaltely contront her about all of ths as it does sound a bit suspicious.
Best of Luck.

I asked her this morning before she went to work and she said it was because she couldn't sleep and she thought a change of bed would help,I couldn't sleep at all last night and she was doing a lot of tossing and turning before she went too spare room,Seems to me like she has something on her mind

Jesus Wept

rovers_runner wrote:

If the worst is true:
Track him down and beat the ****er into next week.
I know she would be involved too but she'd have to live with the shame.

If not:
It's still better to clear it up asap as it'll only drag ye down.

:eek:


I've never understood this type of response, it would be different if the guy was a friend of yours.

I don't understand when has been cheated on, that their reaction is to go pummel the person they don't know that cheated with their partner, this person is random, they don't know you, they aren't supposed to be looking out for your interests, your issue is with your partner, they betrayed you.

rovers_runner wrote:

I know she would be involved too but she'd have to live with the shame.

The shame of going out with a moron in the first place.

easyontheeye

The-Rigger wrote:

:eek:








The shame of going out with a moron in the first place.

why are you calling the OP a moron?? he would be silly to ignore blatant signs that something is wrong

rediguana

easyontheeye wrote:

why are you calling the OP a moron?? he would be silly to ignore blatant signs that something is wrong

He's not saying that. He's calling the bloke who mentioned the pummeling a moron.

Jesus Wept

rediguana wrote:

He's not saying that. He's calling the bloke who mentioned the pummeling a moron.

Correct, nothing wrong with the OP.

I'm saying anyone who goes and pummels some random person that slept with their partner is a moron. What expectations did they have of some randomer in the first place? They don't know
you, they aren't meant to be looking out for your interests, unlike your partner. (I'm not suggesting pummeling your partner).

sportbilly

Whatever you do don't mention looking at the phone and texts.

Have you spoken to anyone who was at the BBQ? Maybe they can shed some light. Have you spoken to any of her friends and asked them if there is something else troubling her at the moment?

Shiva

If the texts are completely innocent, and they could be...maybe theres something else on her mind ?

Any chance she could be pregnant ? A family issue that might have come up while you're away ? A friend issue ?

We could speculate all day though...you need to talk to her. If you sense there's something wrong, there probably is. You live with her, so you'll be aware of her personality and moods and would be able to sense these things.

Robbie Fowler

It was her brothers stag so i know a family issue didn't come up while i was away,i doubt she is pregnant,in fact i know she's not....
She was in great mood all weekend whenever i rang,it was just sunday when i came home i felt something was up,she seemed quite or withdrawn
I don't know maybe she just had a good chat with this fella and nothing else i have loads of friends who are girls...none of them ring me at half 3 in the morning though:mad:

sportbilly

Whatever you do don't jump in feet first, maintain the moral high ground.

Approach it from the position that you are worried about her, which you are, and that you're there to help her and listen to her problems.

This may sound cheeky but it's meant with the best of intentions, if he rang at 0330 at least you know he wasn't in your house at that time.

neacy69

all the "evidence" points to someting bad but it is possible that it may not be what you (and all of us here ) seem to think. Talk to her about everything (including the phone and the texts) and see what her reaction and explanation are then take it from there

Robbie Fowler

sportbilly wrote:

Whatever you do don't jump in feet first, maintain the moral high ground.

Approach it from the position that you are worried about her, which you are, and that you're there to help her and listen to her problems.

This may sound cheeky but it's meant with the best of intentions, if he rang at 0330 at least you know he wasn't in your house at that time.

Yeah i know it means he wasn't in house at that time,but what was he ringing for?
It was a missed call which means she didn't answer it,i have thought of checking 171 on her phone to see did he leave a voice message?

Robbie Fowler

Thanks to everyone for their opinion and advice,i know i have to talk to her about this,which i fear,because if she did do something well then im gone..
I've been burnt once before and after the last time i swore i'd never take anyone back if they cheated..it's gonna be a mess because we have a joint mortgage etc....
hopefully it's nothing though

sportbilly

neacy69 wrote:

all the "evidence" points to someting bad but it is possible that it may not be what you (and all of us here ) seem to think. Talk to her about everything (including the phone and the texts) and see what her reaction and explanation are then take it from there

Under no circumstances mention the phone or the texts, that will just open up a whole new front for her to distract you from your primary objective.

GuanYin

Don't confront her.

It'll go badly as it will have one of two outcomes.

1) You're wrong and she'll be rightly pissed that you don't trust her and violated her privacy. That can only end in a very very very bad scene for you.


2) You're right but you've taken a rather aggressive approach, she'll be indignant that you went through her phone and any chance of working things out will be off to a bad start.

The big question is - what if something happened. What do you want to do.

If you want to work it it out, my approach would be to spend quality time together. Surprise her with something spontaneous and romantic. Take her out to dinner or whatever.

I know that might sound crap if she was up to something but you have no proof this is the case.

If she didn't cheat then you have, for right or wrong reasons, done something positive for your relationship.

If she did cheat, well then you've the upper hand, it's the best way to get her to talk about issues between you. If you show her how good your relationship can be and then ask her if she's happy or if anything about the relationship is troubling her, she may fess up through guilt. Or at least talk about it more openly.

The ball is then in your court. She can have no indignation.

It's basic psychology really, but if you want to address an issue like this, you want to be in the position of good guy at all times.

IF

whippet

to the OP I wouldn't fret just yet.

There could be a million reasons for your GF's reactions.

- People that are playing offside don't tend to have their fling's number stored in their phone under the real name. A couple of lads I know have put girls numbers in their phone under blokes names for fear of getting caught!!

- She was at a BBQ .. quite possibly she got very drunk worring about you and the potential strippers from the stag do, went home and p1ssed the bed .. had to make an emergancy sheet change. The following day she was suffering from the horrors of a nasty hangover, coupled with that horrid paranoid feeling that seems to appear in your mid twenties with hang overs and was generally just feeling like crap.

- After trying to sleep the hangover off all day sunday . she genuinely couldn't get to sleep last night .. along with the remains of the accident the previous night on her side of the bed and decided to head into the spare room.

As for the missed call, did she share a taxi with anyone home ... walk home with someone who just made the call to make sure she got home alright?

skywalker

psi wrote:

The big question is - what if something happened. What do you want to do.

If you want to work it it out, my approach would be to spend quality time together. Surprise her with something spontaneous and romantic. Take her out to dinner or whatever.

Im sorry but thats absolute crap. If your gf cheated on you, you think the way to deal with it is by bringing her to dinner? Good luck with that.

neacy69

whippet wrote:

to the OP I wouldn't fret just yet.

There could be a million reasons for your GF's reactions.

- People that are playing offside don't tend to have their fling's number stored in their phone under the real name. A couple of lads I know have put girls numbers in their phone under blokes names for fear of getting caught!!

- She was at a BBQ .. quite possibly she got very drunk worring about you and the potential strippers from the stag do, went home and p1ssed the bed .. had to make an emergancy sheet change. The following day she was suffering from the horrors of a nasty hangover, coupled with that horrid paranoid feeling that seems to appear in your mid twenties with hang overs and was generally just feeling like crap.

- After trying to sleep the hangover off all day sunday . she genuinely couldn't get to sleep last night .. along with the remains of the accident the previous night on her side of the bed and decided to head into the spare room.

As for the missed call, did she share a taxi with anyone home ... walk home with someone who just made the call to make sure she got home alright?

any explainations for the text messages??


As for taking her out for Dinner thats horseshiet.
After work today ask your GF if there is anything wrong or anything she wants to talk to you about. If she says no then say you lifted her phone to send a message and inadvertently seen the text messages and are concerned about who they are from and why he sent them....

LegacyUser

'- She was at a BBQ .. quite possibly she got very drunk worring about you and the potential strippers from the stag do


I say she slept in the spare room because she thought that the OP might have cheated at the stag. Op your girlfriend might think your behaviour is odd as well.
So if the above could be right, then no wonder you are both acting strange.

Did you ask her how the BBQ went and did she bump into anyone......
Tell her about the Stag and reassure her that nothing happened at the stag without making it obvious.'

GuanYin

skywalker wrote:

Im sorry but thats absolute crap. If your gf cheated on you, you think the way to deal with it is by bringing her to dinner? Good luck with that.

The question is if she cheated. The OP has no proof.

If she did she's obviously not happy with the relationship in some aspect.

If she didn't - there is an issue of trust that needs to be addressed.

Either way, approaching with a caring rather than a confrontational attitude give you a stratigic advantage.

If she's guilty, then she will feel guilty, when it comes out, the OP has all the cards and can handle it how he likes. The gf has no moral ground to stand on and in terms of support of friends, will probably find very little.

If she's innocent, they've cemented their relation ship some more, and he gets tonnes of brownie points.

Go the confrontational route and you basically start treading a messy route. Invasion of privacy, trust issues, etc etc. She'll be indignant and use your behavior as an example of why this happened to begin with.

All I'm saying is that if you go the nicer route - even in a totally fake way, you're going to be in a more advantagous position when you find out what happened. And you don't run the risk of ruining a relationship with mistrust issues, should she be innocent.

And yes, my relationships (you're assuming my gender) work quite well thanks.

cmurph

robbie you say in fact that you know she is not pregnant...hw do you know this? , does she have her period at the moment?.....maybe this is why she changed the sheets....could she have just soiled them..?

as for the phonecall at 3.30....as you say she was at the bbq...maybe she met up with an old friend and as she was going home alone, could it be possible that he rang to be sure she got home safe and sound?

maybe a friend of hers has started going out with this guy and used his phone to ring ur gf......

lots of possibilities.....you need to sit down and talk to her

whippet

neacy69 wrote:

any explainations for the text messages??

there could be millions of explainations ... something as simple as an old college friend she met again on sat night and they decided to keep in touch, an ex-boyfriend etc ...

she may well be cheating but equally she may not be !!

Gordon

rovers_runner wrote:

If the worst is true:
Track him down and beat the ****er into next week.

Banned

LegacyUser

it certainly doesn't look too good OP. if i were you i'd be preparing myself for the worst. true - there might be a genuine explanation for the texts,sheets,missed phone call, and change of bed, but chances are there isn't.

its one thing if she cheated on you and really regretted it, but the fact that she said: "Thanks that means alot,I know its corny and clichied but i was wondering if we could keep in touch maybe just the odd text or phonecall" makes the whole thing 10x worse imo. It sounds like she doesn't regret it at all - she still wants to see the guy!

if i were you, i'd confront her. its the only way you'll know for sure.
best of luck

Raskolnikov

Tell her your suspicions and ask her straight out.

Trinity

I agree somewhat with PSI.

You catch more flies with honey. When you suspect someone of something you should never rush in. Why? Because you could be wrong and if you have no proof you're fcuked.

People wriggle out of things. They twist them and make the whole arguement about you and what you did, which is in this case you read her texts. You will end up apologising and begging and doing all the making up while in the end you will never know if you were right. Been there OP.

Sneaky as it sounds i would dig a little deeper first.

Ask her if shes ok, how the bbq went, did she miss you. Who was there etc. Act like yourself as much as possible. See can she look you in the eye. Watch her body language. She may shift/fiddle nervously.

Sad as it sounds this is my little trick, i call it my home lie detector test but you have to be discreet. Try to lay your hand/head on her chest and talk to her. See if her heart races when you mention the bbq. I know i sound like a right cnut but trust me i have my reasons. People forget how strong their instincts can be and ignore them.

WHat do you honestly think she did? Its possible he flirted and she just enjoyed it and felt guilty about that.

If you rush in and you are wrong you may ruin the relationship.

mel123

I am sorry to say but this defo seems dodgy. This happened to me before, the boyf came home and I had changed the sheets...totallly innocent on my part. He said it to me in a funny kind of way, but i know he was half hinting at the idea I changed the sheets because I had someone in the bed while he was away. Immediately I reassured him there was no need to worry etc and everything was cool...if I am honest it was a nice feeling that he was kind of jealous in that way, usually its the girls who get paranoid!!

However, the texts do seem a bit dodgy...but they could be totally innocent at the same time. I would confront her, if possible have reason to be at her phone, like send a text to someone u know and if they text back say you saw the other texts. Sly I know...and they are probably gone by now. Is it defo a bloke, its not a girl friends number??

I think if you confront her you will know straight away by the reaction wheather she is guilty or not. The only thing I will say is dont brush it under the carpet, confront her and get to the bottom of it one way or another. It might be a messy breakup but its better than living with a cheat.

Keep us posted with how you get on!!!

SarahSassy

In her defense it has been pretty warm these nights and it would make sense to change the sheets more regularily......

I think I would mention to her that I was worried about her behaviour and ask her if she had anything to tell me (subtly). If she didnt give you an explanation I would tell her that you saw the texts and ask her to explain.... Sometimes there is no point beating around the bush (so to speak)

BaZmO*

Seriously folks, STOP telling him to tell her that he read her texts. It is the worst thing he could do. There's plenty of other things that he can question her on.

Steyr

Has he contacted that guy?

Trinity

BaZmO* wrote:

Seriously folks, STOP telling him to tell her that he read her texts. It is the worst thing he could do. There's plenty of other things that he can question her on.

I imagine we are too late. I'd say he went home yesterday evening and questioned her.

It worries me what damage we could be doing to someones relationship if we give the wrong advice. They live together, that makes it all the more serious. Opinions vary but i hope he does whatever seems right to him.

I hope it went well OP.

Miss Fluff

Robbie Fowler wrote:

Yeah i know it means he wasn't in house at that time,but what was he ringing for?
It was a missed call which means she didn't answer it,i have thought of checking 171 on her phone to see did he leave a voice message?

They may have swapped numbers. Oftentimes if you want someone to save your number you just phone them rather than taking the number down, could have been as simple as that....

Robbie Fowler

So we had a talk....
First of all i tried the how did BBQ go who was there etc..Turns out it was only woman at it,it was the partners of the lads i was on the stag with
She knew there was something up coz i was asking funny questions so she said she wanted to talk...
Turns out anyway there was only girls at BBQ,She came home drunk,and this fella rang her..She admitted she was with him a few times before she met me.He was drunk and started telling her how much he wanted her etc
She says she told him she was with someone and he got angry
He texted the next day to apoligise and she said she felt sorry for him so thats how the text was we'll keep in touch etc
I made my feelings clear that she shouldn't have been so nice in her texts and she agreed
As for the bed sheets she said she got a little sick on them when she came home and put them in wash next morning
I want to believe her......Should I?

daveg

Robbie Fowler wrote:

So we had a talk....
First of all i tried the how did BBQ go who was there etc..Turns out it was only woman at it,it was the partners of the lads i was on the stag with
She knew there was something up coz i was asking funny questions so she said she wanted to talk...
Turns out anyway there was only girls at BBQ,She came home drunk,and this fella rang her..She admitted she was with him a few times before she met me.He was drunk and started telling her how much he wanted her etc
She says she told him she was with someone and he got angry
He texted the next day to apoligise and she said she felt sorry for him so thats how the text was we'll keep in touch etc
I made my feelings clear that she shouldn't have been so nice in her texts and she agreed
As for the bed sheets she said she got a little sick on them when she came home and put them in wash next morning
I want to believe her......Should I?

Yes. Thats my first impression but only you can decide. You know her.. none of us do. I'm glad this (seems to have) turned out well. Even though I hate Robbie Fowler

Shiva

Robbie Fowler wrote:

I want to believe her......Should I?

Yes.
It all sounds very reasonable.

Just out of curiosity...did you tell her you read the texts, or did she just volunteer that yer man called ?

easyontheeye

how come he text while you were away? Also why did she ask him to keep in touch with her? and what was the laugh they had?

Robbie Fowler

She said it was coindecence that he rang,and she was actually horrified that he could have rang when i was there...And she mentioned he rang before i said i had read the texts
But maybe she just told me all this because she suspected i had read the texts because i was acting funny and she came up with this to cover herself

event

Robbie Fowler wrote:

She said it was coindecence that he rang,and she was actually horrified that he could have rang when i was there...And she mentioned he rang before i said i had read the texts
But maybe she just told me all this because she suspected i had read the texts because i was acting funny and she came up with this to cover herself

ah no, you just have to trust her now

dont keep thinging that she could have made it up

accept what she has said and move on

silvine

Only you can know if she is lying or not. But it does sound like she is telling the truth. Her explanation seems genuine.

Robbie Fowler

She said she only said she'd keep in touch with him because he was all saying he was sorry etc and she didn't want to hurt him more..
She said he texted her sayin i had a good laugh talking to you and she texted again not wanting to hurt him that she too had a good laugh talking to him
Bit suspicious??

neacy69

It's a reasonable expanation of what happened. If it were me I would be thinking of why she hadn't mentioned any of this before I asked her about it. Again only you can tell if she is lying but i would probably believe it.....

aye

Robbie Fowler wrote:

She said she only said she'd keep in touch with him because he was all saying he was sorry etc and she didn't want to hurt him more..
She said he texted her sayin i had a good laugh talking to you and she texted again not wanting to hurt him that she too had a good laugh talking to him
Bit suspicious??

did she give to a reason as to why she deleted the messages she received from him? its sounds very reasonable to me. she should have told you but was maybe equally worried at how you'd react.