Childfree

Sinead_g

Good evening,
Any other childfree out there by any chance?

I know we are a minority to be childfree and childless while being happy, but There ought to be others like me out there!!
Why do others make me feel guilty for this choice? Why can they not respect it and let me be?

Does anyone know any organizations that can help me. I'd like to meet other childfree, I wouldn't feel so alone then..

I really feel discriminated against.
Thank you in advance for your help

Sinead

445279.ie

Also childfree and happy

Sinead_g

Do you not feela bit misunderstood though especially in Ireland where making kids is so popular! I am 35 and I find it hard as people expect me to... expect!!! If youknow what I mean... :rolleyes:

rainbow kirby

Have no plans of ever having children.

yadayada

Me three! I am very happy being child free, yes I am selfish and would
rather spend my life doing what I want to do, not spending 20 years raising a child, fair play to the people who do..but it ain't for me.

Lex_Diamonds

Childfree: Its the Way 2 B.

_Kaiser_

31 and childfree too. Not particularly bothered about it either.

irlirishkev

Childfree. Not married however. But neither myself or my girlfriend have any interest in ever having kids. We're both 29.

Over the last few years, at any given time, one of my friends was about to become a parent.. and in many cases, not for the first time.

Fair play if it's what you want from life, but it's not for me!

texas star

Me too childfree not in interested.have you noticed if u live in Dublin no traffic,no brats being driven to school by there parents as it Easter.They wonder why their children are fat :eek:

phantom_lord

yep, although it was close , no kids in the phantom_lord 5 year plan anyway

Cancer-chick

Not everyone who has kids wants /expects childless people to be off procreating y'know op !!!

I have a daughter and am perfectly happy leaving it at that as i now IMO have best of both worlds as she is getting older and we have great fun but i have my life too.. however even people with 1 child get hassle bout when the next one will be arriving! I dont plan on having any more children but i just wanted to say that i totally understand and respect your decision not to have them.. Its no-ones business but your own and having a child is a HUGE upheaval not to be taken lightly like so many people do.

So for what its worth as a very happy parent i thoroughly respect your decision and you being a woman should not be an issue. you should tell people to mind their own business !!

SarahSassy

One suitable response for the smug parents question about when are you having kids would be to respond "Huh?? Are you nuts??? I dont do ankle grabbers"

Sinead_g

Thanks a lot for your replies, I appreciate it!
I was browsing the net like mad last night about the childfree "issue" and there are a good few websites out there that give us information and help childfree people like us.
I don't know if I am really allowed to talk about them though (moderator, it's up to ya! ;o)
there's No Kidding but you need to open a chapter for that. There's Kidding Aside as well. And i found an interesting one based in Galway (english and french) which seems new enough: Big Kids No Kids . It looks really cool, giving info and help chidfree people not to feel guilty by this choice. They want to create events as well which could be really excellent...
Tell me if you know these sites, and if you have experienced them at all?
I was feeling a bit down last night but now I am grand again!:o
Thank you for your replies...

LegacyUser

You could start your own social/support group. Call it Happy the Childless.

If it is any consolation to you, there is a proportionate amount of the population who have made choices that get comments and opinions from the smug parents even within those circles. People are just rude. I know a woman who was asked in a job interview recently if the man she was with was also the father of her child. No matter what circumstance you are in there is always someone around with a big nose to look down from.

Or how many single mother threads pop up with tales of hostility once someone hears they are NOT childless?

IMO it is incredibly rude to ask someone about their childfree or parental status. It could be as simple as it just never happened, or there could be a history there that hurts or infertilty or whatever.

All in all manners have gone out the window with respect for privacy.

deisemum

I agree with what cancer chick and hesterprynn said. It's people being rude and opinionated.

I was married for nearly 6 years before I had my first lad and kept getting the "anything stirring yet"

Once I had a baby then it was "would you not like a brother or sister for child 1".

Once 2nd boy came along it was "would you not go again and try for a girl"

I've a friend who got lots of sniggered comments when she was pregnant with her 4th child. When she got pregnant with her 5th she was very worried about the comments she knew she'd get when word got out.

Not all parents are out to make childfree people feel guilty. It's down to having respect for other people.

Next time someone is rude and smug about your childfree status if you're brave enough you could always reply "now that I've seen your child/ren it's put me right off"

Nevyn

I do certainly support peoples reproductive choices and choosing to not have children is not that much of a drastic lifestyle choice as far as I am concerned.
I have friends and family who never want to have children and never want to be parents and that is certianly fine by me.

Ireland is new to the fact that some people don't want to, settle down and have kids and the older generations can't seem to get thier head arround this.

There are still comments to people about 'being left on the shelf' and 'the biological tick tock' or the assumption that people will eventually at some stage get married which is daft tbh.

I don't think it is anyone elses business and people should not be under pressure to conform to what was the old style living.

America has had a childfree movement for quiet a while and that had unfortunatly has gone from childfree to childintolerant, which I have no time for.

Families are smaller and the next generation of families are living further and futher away so it is very possible to live your childfree life and have very little if any contact with children what so ever. Whether this is a good thing for people or socitey only time will tell.

If you don't ever want to be a parent or have kids then cool and you should never be but down for that but neither should people who choose to have kids.

barrett1965

deisemum wrote:

I agree with what cancer chick and hesterprynn said. It's people being rude and opinionated.

I was married for nearly 6 years before I had my first lad and kept getting the "anything stirring yet"

Once I had a baby then it was "would you not like a brother or sister for child 1".

Once 2nd boy came along it was "would you not go again and try for a girl"

I've a friend who got lots of sniggered comments when she was pregnant with her 4th child. When she got pregnant with her 5th she was very worried about the comments she knew she'd get when word got out.

Not all parents are out to make childfree people feel guilty. It's down to having respect for other people.

Next time someone is rude and smug about your childfree status if you're brave enough you could always reply "now that I've seen your child/ren it's put me right off"

Best response to the OP.

All I can say Sinead is bully for you for not giving in to societies pressure to have kids. I wish I had you wisdom. I am one of those parents where parenting does not come naturally to me. If I could turn back the clock I would choose not to be a parent. Don't get me wrong, I try to be the best parent I can, but it's very diffucult.

Cancer-chick

Just on what Barrett said .. I totally agree and it is a myth that parenting 'comes naturally' for a man OR for a woman IMO. Its a very weird adjustment having someone dictate all your life choices without them even knowing !

I love my daughter very much but being a parent is the toughest thing i have EVER done and at this stage of my life i doubt ill ever do it again and feel thoroughly blessed just to have her and my life at the same time

It is damn well true that manners have gone out the window in our society.. who the hell knows why someone chooses not to or cannot have kids.. we all know someone who cant conceive and we all know people who wish they had'nt !!! Who knows what any of us as parents would choose if we 'had our time back' its a question i have no problem admitting i struggle with even though i am guessing ill be crucified for saying it !

At the end of the day IMO one cannot say they live in a progressive society when women feel like they are pariahs for being childless.

Sinead i respect you and you dont owe anyone a reason.. Even HAVING to make a smart comment back is lowering yourself to someones level IMO

Life is much to short not to choose what makes one happy

Icequeen

No kids and loving it, I get all that maternal need to have one **** from my nephews and neices and then I get to hand them back and have a life

iguana

yadayada wrote:

Me three! I am very happy being child free, yes I am selfish and would rather spend my life doing what I want to do, not spending 20 years raising a child, fair play to the people who do..but it ain't for me.

Why do you call yourself selfish? There is nothing selfish about choosing not to have kids. Imo it is far, far more selfish to have children and not put their need first. Children are a massive commitment and to a certain extent they basically absorb your whole life, forever. If you aren't willing to completely change almost every aspect of your life, change pretty much every priority you have and be prepared for at least the next twenty to have your needs come second then you shouldn't be having kids.

There is nothing selfish with recognising how much having a child will impact on your life and deciding it isn't for you. There is something selfish about creating another person in order to fulfill some societal norm.

At the end of the day there are so many unwanted, unloved children in the world, many living in absolute abject poverty that the only reason for anyone to have their own child is because they really, really want one.

Sinead_g

Hi there,

We have all at some stage met people that have called us selfish for choosing no to have children. I also heard that we are not contributing to society and that we don't give anything back!!

I find this so intolerant. They probably feel very jealous that we are free like birds and cannot accept it...

It can be so tiring to have to justify yourself all the time about a choice that is in the end so personal!!!!

karenp

Childfree and staying that way.

Cancer-chick

sinead id have to say im not jealous at all of your childfree status

I have said repeatedly that i respect your choices in my posts but i am starting to get the feeling that you think all parents have no lives at all because of their kids!

Rubbish .. we have a different life and not every day is a bed of roses sure but id not give my life up now and im not remotely jealous of anyone.. why should i be ? freedom is what u make it individually .. i dont need anyone telling me im trapped because iv kids .. you make your own life choices with or without kids. So maybe you could realise that there are parents who have come out in support of you on this thread and u are still slating all parents

Sinead_g

:eek:
Hi Cancer-chick!
I think there's a bit of misunderstanding here. I was not talking about parents in general, I was talking about people that call us selfish and saying that we do not contribute to society, and them only!

When a friend came to me the weekend befor elast telling me she was pregnant after 5 YEARS of trying, I was crying! I was so happy for her! And she glows since she heard the fantastic news.

I think parents have made a choice as well. They wanted to fulfill their lives with children. I never said it was wrong, I have never judged them for doing so. I am happy for them just because they are. I am asking the same thing in return: that's fair. But unfortunately, it's not always the case

Cancer-chick

fair enough..

I do think it is a societal and generational thing in this country Sinead.. i have yet to live anywhere else that holds up marriage and child-rearing in the way the irish do and yet as young adults we cant get out to Oz/NZ/US fast enough .. its almost like ingrained that you get a certain amount of time to 'have a laugh' and then its home to work and 'settle down'

I had my little one young and find friends who at the time thought i was mad to have her now coming and saying they do not know when the 'right time' to have a child is.. It always makes me smile because tbh imo there is never gonna be one.. Once rugrats arrive your life is not your own.. I have had criticism since she was born from her dads lot telling me i should have breastfed longer.. i should have not gone back to work .. yadda yadda and now i have same people telling me what a well behaved child she is.. its all relative to me !

I think if u stay in ireland u will have to just accept some of it but really dont be afraid to tell people to mind their own business. or better still .. ask them something of theirs that u know will bug them .. usually wil shut them up

The one thing i got from yours and everyone elses posts is that there really is so much nosiness in this country.. Its such a short life when u think about it and rather than trying to change the worlds (well irelands) opinion ...

I'd just quietly keep on keeping on if it makes you happy girl !

B

kelle

When I married in my early 20's I decided I was never having children, as I had 4 younger brothers and had spent half my childhood being a parent.

But, at 30, I changed my mind and ended up having 3.

It is really really tough esp when they are small. Gets easier when they start school. But I'm told they get worse when they're teenagers. Still, I adore them and wouldn't give them back.

I really respect your choice. You have to be prepared to give up a few years of your life, you're no longer your own person, you can't just get up and go somewhere without considering the little ones. You endure a lot of frustration like constantly cleaning up sick, poo, spilt milk, tomato sauce from radiators (yes, did that once), need I go on...

Better go and play with my gorgeous adorable 4 month old girl!

AntiVirus

34 and Child free!

I love being able to do anything on the spur of the moment. I have 4 nephews and thats enough for me.

kelle

Read this thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055078608 or watch Supernanny and you won't regret your decision to remain childfree.

Actually I heard all the annoying comments too when I was childfree. I could go on.

I've never understood why somebody who wants to be childfree is called selfish - I think it's actually more selfish to bring a child into the world!

LegacyUser

'

kelle wrote:

I've never understood why somebody who wants to be childfree is called selfish - I think it's actually more selfish to bring a child into the world!

Its not too hard to understand, if people don't have children you can only live for yourself. There is no point in writing music or poetry, designing great works of architecture etc if there is not going to be anyone around to appreciate it.'

dr.bollocko

Oh god no. Dont make me have kids. Im a kid myself. The poor child will suffer.
Suffer!!!
I gave you fair warning.

I mean I'm childfree and planning on staying that way.
Which is difficult cos Im so manly and virile I'm fighting the women off with both feet and one hand.

Cancer-chick

Bollocko .. Both feet and ONE hand ????

Good lord, the mind simply boggles !!

Attol

objective wrote:

'

Its not too hard to understand, if people don't have children you can only live for yourself. There is no point in writing music or poetry, designing great works of architecture etc if there is not going to be anyone around to appreciate it.'

So everyone should have kids to worship your artistic talent? I see that as pretty damn selfish tbh.

dr.bollocko

Well, I did say I'm virile. Virility takes a lot of practice you know.

Cancer-chick

if u say so bollocko !!!

And id have to agree with attol that having a child for 'artistic' reasons so they can be here to appreciate our endeavours is nothing short of madness!

IMO there is NO reason to have a child unless u go into it with eyes WIDE open and wanting to be the best parent (and person) you can be..

Objective i dont think you have kids or you would know that anything less than that is selling a kid short .. really if u can send them out to the world well adjusted adults who dont s*** on other people .... having some career prospects and a sense of themselves then you are doing well ..

Very very strange point of yours imo objective !!!

KdjaCL

Sinead_g wrote:

Good evening,
Any other childfree out there by any chance?

I know we are a minority to be childfree and childless while being happy, but There ought to be others like me out there!!
Why do others make me feel guilty for this choice? Why can they not respect it and let me be?

Does anyone know any organizations that can help me. I'd like to meet other childfree, I wouldn't feel so alone then..

I really feel discriminated against.
Thank you in advance for your help

Sinead

Dont get this... your childfree and happy yet posting on an internet site looking for freinds with the same happy ideals you have.

I have kids but i was in the pub when you posted this


kdjac

simu

"I really feel discriminated against".

You're not exactly black in the pre civil rights USA or anything, are you? People make annoying comments all the time. If it's not about children or the lack thereof, it'll be sth else. Get over it tbh.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

simu wrote:

"I really feel discriminated against".

You're not exactly black in the pre civil rights USA or anything, are you? People make annoying comments all the time. If it's not about children or the lack thereof, it'll be sth else. Get over it tbh.

i'm sure many black people were told to get over it in the Usa simu, and many homosexuals in modern times

shame on you... that thing you have growing inside you is clouding your judgment.

monkeyfudge

Does creating an army of genetically engineered atomic monkey men in your basement count as childfree?

Because if it does.. then yes I am childfree.

simu

Depends how much of your own dna you contributed

Kintarō Hattori

Hmnnn at one stage I was certain I wanted to have kids, but these days I'm not so sure. I like it being just me and the missus and I'm not sure I want anything to change that.

Jigsaw

I have no kids, but one day there is nothing I'd love more. All in good time though.

I respect the fact that others will have differing opinions.

Kernel

Sinead_g wrote:

When a friend came to me the weekend befor elast telling me she was pregnant after 5 YEARS of trying, I was crying! I was so happy for her! And she glows since she heard the fantastic news.

I think parents have made a choice as well. They wanted to fulfill their lives with children. I never said it was wrong, I have never judged them for doing so. I am happy for them just because they are. I am asking the same thing in return: that's fair. But unfortunately, it's not always the case

Aw Sinead, you are obviously having issues about the lack of continuity of your genetic lineage. Don't worry, someday you will find a man and reproduce before your womb turns to a dry husk and you end up a bitter lonely oul wan living with 12 cats. All you like-minded (ie. self deluded) chicks will probably be the same, but starting threads about how happy you are without sprogs, and not at all jealous of your friends and their families, is just too transparent to resist. *kisses*

ellenmelon

im only 22 but ive known for a looong time that i will never have kids. i just dont want to. much to the distress of my mother who is all into the baby stuff (shes a midwife..). i dont dislike kids (any that scream for great lengths of time are the exception) its just i dont feel this need to procreate that other people have. i like holding babies but LOVE handing them back lol. as another poster was saying, in the states there is a really big child intolerant culture which is quite poisonous. they get nasty and personal and just generally b!tchy.fair enough, be childfree but dont judge people that made the choice to have kids!

when the nurse from the health service at my college gave a talk recently about all that fun stuff.."you're leaving home and you've got loads of freedom" etc etc(ive not lived at home since i was 18..)and she was saying that we have to be careful as there are some STI's that can make you infertile and unable to have children. being the comedian i am,i was like "woohoo!"..evil thing to do, i know. (i know sti's arent to be taken lightly..they are really horrible things to have)

Nightwish

I'm 23 and I've always known I don't want kids. I have no maternal instincts, and the thought of pregnancy and raising a child is my worst nightmare. I am happy for others having kids, but I don't like the self righteousness that some parents have. You know the whole "my child is holier than thou" and "We've created a miracle"...god that makes me want to vomit.

Sinead_g

Kernel wrote:

Aw Sinead, you are obviously having issues about the lack of continuity of your genetic lineage. Don't worry, someday you will find a man and reproduce before your womb turns to a dry husk and you end up a bitter lonely oul wan living with 12 cats. All you like-minded (ie. self deluded) chicks will probably be the same, but starting threads about how happy you are without sprogs, and not at all jealous of your friends and their families, is just too transparent to resist. *kisses*

YOu make me laugh a lot. YOu think you know people. I am very happily married for years now, and my man doesn't want kids either. He is wonderful and we have a fusional relationship for years now. I am happy, ARE YOU??
Only unhappy really jealous people are like you. Good luck with yourself

RainyDay

Jigsaw wrote:

I have no kids, but one day there is nothing I'd love more. All in good time though.

Just a quick note of caution based on personal experience - When you get round to your 'good time', nature may have different ideas. 20% of couples have difficulties with fertility. I became a parent at 38 (about 5 years older than I would have hoped to be) having assumed that one we stopped messing around and travelling the world, the babies would come flying out on demand.

Naturally, I fully respect the decision not to have kids...

Black Swan

Young, in no hurry, and keeping my options open. Of course, it's fun to practice!

Siogfinsceal

Sinead G fasir play to you I too am childfree I have never ever wanted children and am so bloody sick of hearing comments about it - my own mother is disgusted by the fact that I dont want kids. I am sick of people saying to me 'ah but you will change your mind' - no, i wont I am 26 and at this stage I know what I want in life. I do not and never will like babies. They are not cute, I do not wish I had one and it is and should be perfectly acceptable for a woman to decide she doesnt want kids. The thoughts of having to give up all ths fun things in life to carry around a screaming mass is a nightmare to me. i frequently leave shops as I cant tolerate listening to children roaring crying at the top of their lungs while stressed out parents try to placate them. A firnd of mine is 30, getting married next year and her plans are then to get pregnant and buy a sensible family car - to9 me that sounds like a nightmare if my future looked that depressing I think Id want to check out now.
I can appreciate this is my point of view but like Sinead G I often feel discriminated against for not wanting kids

When I watch desperate housewives I always think 'If I was the character Lynette with 5 screaming phsychotic kids and lazy husband id top myself'

John Mason

ABSOLUTELY CHILDFREE AND HAPPY. I AM SICK TO DEATH OF PEOPLE TELLING ME THAT TIME IS TICKING ON ............ON PARTICULAR "FRIEND" SAID SHE COULD LEND ME A TURKEY BASTER AND SHE WOULD FIND SOMEONE TO FILL IT FOR ME.

sorry rant over, i think people with children are misberable and hate their lives and they hate to see other people out enjoying life, sleeping until 2pm on sunday or going out without the worry of a babysitter - FECK OFF I SAY TO ALL YOU PEOPLE

Siogfinsceal

i hate being called selfish and told its 'unnatural' to have kids. So many women have kids to please the husband and then go back to work leaving teh sprog in a creche 5 days a week and seeing it for an hour a day (not saying all mothers are like this so don't take offense but I know 2 \girls who literals had kids to keep a wealthy husband happy and never see them and they are rich enough to pay someone to mind them all the time). I know another girl who has 2 kids and has no interest in them apart from using them to extract ludicris amounts of money from the father and the government.

Its sad to see that in this day and age ireland still sees womens role to get married settle down and have kids v depressing! also sad that there are women in poor areas feeling that having kids in order to get house off the government is the best option!

HashSlinging

Funny! out of all my mates im the only one who has a young family, and I get the reverse of what Sinead_g gets.