no friends - am i weird?

LegacyUser

i am a 21 year old girl with absolutely no friends.

is there something wrong with me?

i am wondering how a person with no friends is perceived by others. can i be considered normal? basically i'm an introvert, i don't like to approach people but i am usually nice/friendly when having a conversation. the difficult part is forming a friendship. my introversion will always pull me away from others. i am terrible at keeping in touch with those that i do have a friendship with. the other person will usually lose interest. sometimes i act like i have no interest in people as a defensive measure to protect myself from their judgment/rejection. i am very deeply vulnerable to rejection so that is why i don't 'open up'. i don't even care that i have no friends, but i know my life would be better if i had.

so what can i do to change? should i get therapy or something? can anyone relate to this?

Marksie

..... wrote:

i am a 21 year old girl with absolutely no friends.

is there something wrong with me?

i am wondering how a person with no friends is perceived by others. can i be considered normal? basically i'm an introvert, i don't like to approach people but i am usually nice/friendly when having a conversation. the difficult part is forming a friendship. my introversion will always pull me away from others. i am terrible at keeping in touch with those that i do have a friendship with. the other person will usually lose interest. sometimes i act like i have no interest in people as a defensive measure to protect myself from their judgment/rejection. i am very deeply vulnerable to rejection so that is why i don't 'open up'. i don't even care that i have no friends, but i know my life would be better if i had.

so what can i do to change? should i get therapy or something? can anyone relate to this?

Some people find it easy to make friends, some people do not. If yours is due to introversion, that is something you may have to address. Particularly in relation to why exactly you are vulnerable to rejection and your defense mechanisms. Somtimes you just have to take a chance to progress, even if at some point you do get rejected, then learn by it.

However, it seems that people are being friendly towards you, but it is a two way thing, one simple thing to do would be to make time to respond and maintain contact with those who are willing to be friends. hey will not continue to contact if they believe they are working in a vacuum. Make a point of setting a little time each day to contact one or more of them, honestly it will pay dividends

Actuallly i am not the most extrovert mysself in open company situations, but you do learn to just open and relax to it and in time that changes
Friends hough fall into three general categories for me:

1: Acquaintances : those who you go for a drink with and enjoy the company of
2: Good friends: those you have a great deal of respect for and can share things with
3: Close friends: those (very few) who are there for you and you for them through thick and thin

It is worth also trying to unconditional in your friendship. By this i mean you are just open and give what you are genuinely abl;e without and expectation. and also accept what your firends give you without expectation as well.

its i a good policy in general

biko

I have a large circle of kind-of-friends but a few I keep close.
Two that I will be in contact with every two days or so. I actually will ring them and/or meet up more than once a week, this is an calculated effort on my part (and theirs). We all live within walking distance which helps of course.
This would "normal" I believe. It's for others to judge.

These friends I made here in Galway since I'm not originally from here. What brought us together was common interests. Once we got to know each other I would invite them to do stuff and vice versa. That's how it starts.

Oh, and you have to lay it on the line and ask to be invited to stuff others are doing. I know you're afraid of rejection but that how it works.

LegacyUser

Hi!!!

I really feel for you. I am in a similar situation myself. I am nearly 21 and throughout my teens I have had friendships that somehow ulitimately ended in hurt, so I stopped becoming close to people. I really push people away, I like spending time on my own to think but I always feel that Im boring or not good enough, and sometimes I just feel there's no point making friends as they are only going to push me away and hurt me anyway, so why put myself through that?

How Im dealing with it...well at this stage, Im having real problems sometimes even knowing what to talk to people my own age about. I have one very close friend I made in college this year, which has been great, but I cant help being on my guard with her and I know this offends her at times. I also started working part time recently. I feel this is a situation which I find stressful but it also forces me to communicate with others, and even learning this can help. Are you in college? If so do you participate in any extra curricular activities? If even this is too much, just try and talk to someone one day in a lecture beside you. Even a few words, college is so big you often never even see the person again! Work on your self esteem and see your good points, you are a valuable person as a friend, you just need to work out where. And as Im trying to tell myself...sometimes, I just need to let go and open up, I may get hurt, but it hurts more to feel the way we feel.

Good Luck OP!

SarahSassy

OP

It takes guts to meet new people and in a way its like dating as you can fear rejection. I think if you have interests you can meet people through this avenue and its likely you will have plenty to chat about and the chance to meet again to develop the friendship..

You are not weird. Work on your confidence and if you feel confident and interesting people will want to be friends with you.

LuckyLloyd

Can I ask the OP whether they are still in study (and where if so) or whether they are in full time employment (and if so the type of work environment - office, workshop, work from home)? Also, does the OP still live in their original family home, away on their own - or do they share a house or flat with others? There is a point to my questions.

LegacyUser

'I am in a similar situation to the OP. I drifted apart from my school friends as I was the only one who left my city to go to college. I had no friends in college at all either. Im back home now after I graduated last year and I have no social life. My old school friends and I have nothing in common anymore. I also have the trust issue, in that I don't open up to anyone for fear of rejection, as I have been burned terribly in the past. I wouldnt say you are weird OP, but like myself have issues with trust.'

ntlbell

LuckyLloyd wrote:

Can I ask the OP whether they are still in study (and where if so) or whether they are in full time employment (and if so the type of work environment - office, workshop, work from home)? Also, does the OP still live in their original family home, away on their own - or do they share a house or flat with others? There is a point to my questions.

From your questions I'm fairly worried about "your point" and so should the OP!

biko

ntlbell wrote:

From your questions I'm fairly worried about "your point" and so should the OP!

Nah, the point being (I think) that flatmates can become really great friends, and so can work mates. I still hang out with some old flatmates.

Btw, Biko's evening friendship school for lonely girleens starts this summer in Galway

ntlbell

biko wrote:

Nah, the point being (I think) that flatmates can become really great friends, and so can work mates. I still hang out with some old flatmates.

I was building up to something really funny there and you ruined it.

I'm suprised you have friends.

On a more serious note to the OP, It sounds like there's a number of issue's are not just having no friends. (which doesn't seem to be a problem for you anyway) I would look to sorting out your trust/fear of rejection issue's first, these feelings are pretty common among people especially in your age group but a lot of them don't talk about it or are afraid to because of the underlying issue in the first place catch 22.

biko

ntlbell wrote:

I was building up to something really funny there and you ruined it.

I'm suprised you have friends.

Heh all my online friend(s) are gonna abandon me now.

LegacyUser

'

LuckyLloyd wrote:

Can I ask the OP whether they are still in study (and where if so) or whether they are in full time employment (and if so the type of work environment - office, workshop, work from home)? Also, does the OP still live in their original family home, away on their own - or do they share a house or flat with others? There is a point to my questions.

studying in college, living at family home.

so... what is the point to your questions?

- OP'

PeakOutput

being blatantly honest if people knew that you had absolutely no friends they would probably think it it was wierd but that is just their own prejudice.

if you are happy then it does not really matter but everyone needs people outside of your family to talk to at some stage

it sounds like this is completely self inflicted in that you say you dont make the effort to keep in touch with people etc and they lose interest. you have to want something to put the effort in so unless you decide you really want to make friends and can live with the drawbacks of this(ie the possible hurt if a friendship ends) then it should not be that hard to do.

if you do want it i would suggest trying to have a consersation with 3 strangers a day. you are in college this should not be hard start with people in your class(dont know what course it is but if its a big college its prob a big class so you probably wont be aquainted with everyone) and then as you get more comfortable having a chat practice what youve "learned" in different places. youll soon find people inviteing you places or to lunch or whatever really simple small things like that can be built on.

in the mean time do these small things with your aquaintances it will prob mean you have to do the asking most of the time but the majority of people are friendly by nature and if they say no it will be for a genuine reason.

as you get to know people the trust issues will work themselves out(i think)

as for rejection, its a fact of life, it happens everyone. noone is going to be liked by everyone and even you yourself will find people you simply dont get on with and dont want to be around. the only "problem" you have is your introversion and by challenging yourself just a little that can be solved

SarahSassy

What Biko was obviously saying was that it is often possible to make new friends through flatmates / workmates.

LuckyLloyd

..... wrote:

'

studying in college, living at family home.

so... what is the point to your questions?

- OP'

Sorry for not getting back - was busy all day.

My point is that, in my experience, most friendships are struck up as a result of interacting with people in work, college or sportsclubs etc. By this I mean, if you are out there doing things on a daily basis you will usually run into people with common interests and thought processes as yourself.

Meeting people and making friends is not an easy business. It is very difficult to go out tomorrow and find a friend. Doesn't work like that. But you can go out and get involved in things. I strongly recommend that you take up part - time employment. It is beneficial in so many ways and gets you interacting with people.

At the start of the next college year, go through a list of the various socities etc. Find something that interests you, and get stuck in. Remember, you don't need to put yourself in a position to get hurt with work mates or people you meet in a sportsclub or society. But you will be spending time with people who have common interests while either earning a few quid or pursuing something you enjoy. The possibillity is that a natural friendship will just develop from such regular interaction.

My point about your living arrangement is also that many lasting frienships are struck up from living with people. Through spending time in other peoples pockets strong bonds just materialise (or unspoken hatred:rolleyes: ).

The above is a bit rambly, I apologise but I have had a long day. What I am suggesting is that you get out there and fill in your time. No - one can stop you getting some work, joining a club or engaging with your studies. You don't need friends to do such things. And when your time is filled and you are making the most of your time - you will find people on your wavelength.

The very best of luck to you.

j4vier

definetly a good way to make friends is to leave in a campus or something similar, on your own everything becomes more difficult..
i think im in a similar situation to urs but im not from ireland so basically I went looking for trouble :rolleyes:
also totally agree with LuckyLloyd, all the good friends that i left, i made them by sharin similar interests

cognos

I can relate OP, and i don't think you're wierd.

Some people find making friends and keeping friends a very natural process, for others, well for me at least and presumably you it requires work.

vulnerable to rejection so that is why i don't 'open up'. i don't even care that i have no friends, but i know my life would be better if i had.

that quote could well have been from me last year.

Now I'm hardly mr popular and I still wouldnt say I have any really close friends but I've a few mates that I hang around with in college, some guys I go out with occasionaly and guys in my sports club that I can talk to.

I thought I didn't care that I hadn't got any friends, that I was a happy loner but I realise now how sad I was and now I really want to try and make more friends and get to know them better.

All I did (and I did/still do find it difficult sometines) was stop fearing rejection, or actually i didnt stop fearing it but I just thought 'fudge it, im gonna do it' and the fear doesnt seem so big now. I joined a few clubs and socs at the start of the year (and actually went, and still go regularly to one of the clubs), started staying hello more often to people I sorta know, sit with people i sorta know in lectures and make an effort to talk to them (just talk about whatever lec you're in or whatever project you're doing etc.)

So I would say to you ... just go join a club or society you think might intrest you ... say hello to someone in your class, sit beside them in your next lec, if people are talking about goin out some night throw in "oh, that sounds like fun" which has resulted in a "oh you should come with us" for me (saying "I will go", and actually going is the harder part but just do it!)

You'll be happier with friends, good luck

LegacyUser

'uncanny... the OP's post sounds like something I'd write myself! Just replace "21" and "girl" with "23" and "fella"
I'm in a similar situation to you, I have a few acquaintances but no-one I could really call a close friend.
Life has taken several turns for the worse along the way, none of which have helped, but mostly it is my fault. Im very much to blame for pushing people away and not making enough effort.
I like time on my own but also look at people with a big group of close friends and wish i could be like them.
I suppose I feel inadequate and have difficulty imagining why anyone could be bothered spending time with me or being friends!
Know totally what you're saying about rejection etc.

Anyway I don't know if there's anything i can offer but seeing as you're still at college there should be opportunities to meet new people and make more of an effort to be friends. Easier said than done I know. I'm in a full time job now and in the same group of people all of whom know me and have formed their opinions. It's not so easy to turn things around when you get into that knid of situation'

Mr. Incognito

Hey there,

The thing about people is that everyone else seems to be happier, have more friends, be more sucessfull etc. Deep down we're all social and need validation. I was a very shy teenager and din't have a lot of friends and decided when I went to college I wasn't going to go through that again. The first week in college I introduced myself to everyone around me in all my lectures. I played pool in the college bar and tried to chat to as many people as possible. It's actually amazing how many people are in the same boat. I just said, "Hey, how are you doing, I'm just up from Kerry and I don't really know a soul"
People aren't cruel. If I met someone who was honest and said hey, I don't really know anyone here I'd make an effort to introduce them around. Most people will do the same. But if you shy back then no-one will break into that shell. Join a society or a club. You'll make a friend. Be honest with them, try and branch out, there's a whole world of friendly people out there. You will meet groucho's from time to time but don't let them deter you.

Gone West

yes.

Kell

SetantaL wrote:

It's actually amazing how many people are in the same boat. I just said, "Hey, how are you doing, I'm just up from Kerry and I don't really know a soul"
People aren't cruel. If I met someone who was honest and said hey, I don't really know anyone here I'd make an effort to introduce them around. Most people will do the same. But if you shy back then no-one will break into that shell. Join a society or a club. You'll make a friend. Be honest with them, try and branch out, there's a whole world of friendly people out there. You will meet groucho's from time to time but don't let them deter you.

Oh god. I am going to do it again. QFT. Now thats the last time.

SetantaL, its all just about having the balls to do it isnt it?

K-

Mr. Incognito

QFT?

You'll have to explain that one for me.

its all just about having the balls to do it isnt it?

It is and it isn't. One of my mates has a trick on a night out if he's not having a great night. He Pretends he's having a great time, even if he feels fake on the inside he just acts like he's having a ball. Ten minutes later you're not acting anymore. I pretended to be a confident person even though on the inside I was a nervous wreck, after a while you just get more confidence and you're not nervous anymore and that shy person you were is gone. Of course the first night you turn up to anything you're going to be nervous but it passes quickly. That's life. No risk, no reward.

sobriquet

QFT == Quoted For Truth, and I second that, SetantaLs' is good advice.

Well into third level I had no real friends at all, and effectively taught myself to be sociable. It is a skill, and something you can improve with. Gaining friendship with people is a matter of doing as SetantaL says, just putting yourself out there, accepting the risk of humilation as you may perceive it. As SL says, people aren't cruel, and rejection in this sense only means that people won't go out of their way to be friendly to you.

The point about putting on a pretense is a very good one too. As I explained to people a few times, I was pretending to be something I used not be - sociable, extroverted, etc. In practice, there's no difference, and before you realise it's happened you're not pretending at all, it feels natural and comfortable. I know this from personal experience.

Also, as with approaching and chatting up the opposite sex, how you carry yourself has a lot to do with it. If you deal with people with (even the impression of) self-confidence and self-possession (or as Kell says, having the balls) then they will respond fairly positively regardless of the topic you're discussing or how well they know you.

LegacyUser

'I think with 100 friends or none, with the best job, or aburger king position, with the prettiest face and body, or an average one, it doesnt matter. if you decide to have kids, or not.. human nature is to want more, or to wonder what it'd be like to have less, and beleive it'd make or lives better if we could do it... my point, in a round about way is, if you arent unhappy, then youre fine. if you'd a billion friends, you'd just find another whole in your life you'd want to fill. theres worse things than having no friends. alot of friends have hurt me too.. if you're happy that youre a good person and live a life youre happy with, screw what the "norm" is. society makes us believe were meant to be stick figures, should we stop eating too, just to conform? screw that.'

dellas1979

How do you keep yourself busy?

Do you ever go out?

If you are happy the way you are, then thats all that matters.

Am only asking the above, because I like to go out at least once a week - if I didnt, I'd personally feel like I was being left out or missing something or something (!).

Isobel

..... wrote:

i am a 21 year old girl with absolutely no friends.

is there something wrong with me?

i am wondering how a person with no friends is perceived by others. can i be considered normal? basically i'm an introvert, i don't like to approach people but i am usually nice/friendly when having a conversation. the difficult part is forming a friendship. my introversion will always pull me away from others. i am terrible at keeping in touch with those that i do have a friendship with. the other person will usually lose interest. sometimes i act like i have no interest in people as a defensive measure to protect myself from their judgment/rejection. i am very deeply vulnerable to rejection so that is why i don't 'open up'. i don't even care that i have no friends, but i know my life would be better if i had.

so what can i do to change? should i get therapy or something? can anyone relate to this?

Chicken you're not weird at all. TV the internet and Magazines create the illusion that having less than say ten friends makes you a freak (Think of all those "send this on to 10 of your friends or you will break your arsebone in a freak mining accident tomorrow" mails that go around or the Cosmo f*cking "friend tests). Its all ****e. theres nothing wrong with you at all. You say you don't even care so thats your answer babes. You're not an introvert you're just comfortable enough in who you are that you don't need others to play "mutual admiration" with (you know that "Oh your so pretty" "No you're prettier", "no you're the prettiest" crap). If you want to make more friends then use these boards to do it, these give you the benefit of anonimity so you don't have to be introvert here because you can be who you want and no-one can say any different and in time you will build up a personallity that people will associate with your username and you will make friends on here as people get use to you and then when you're ready maybe go to a meet up and all the uncomfortable first time nerves won't happen because everybody will already know who you are as a person and you will have already built a friendship with most of them on here so talking to them in real life will be easy.

Don't worry about it honey you are quite normal

JohnMc1

..... wrote:

i am a 21 year old girl with absolutely no friends.

is there something wrong with me?

i am wondering how a person with no friends is perceived by others. can i be considered normal? basically i'm an introvert, i don't like to approach people but i am usually nice/friendly when having a conversation. the difficult part is forming a friendship. my introversion will always pull me away from others. i am terrible at keeping in touch with those that i do have a friendship with. the other person will usually lose interest. sometimes i act like i have no interest in people as a defensive measure to protect myself from their judgment/rejection. i am very deeply vulnerable to rejection so that is why i don't 'open up'. i don't even care that i have no friends, but i know my life would be better if i had.

so what can i do to change? should i get therapy or something? can anyone relate to this?

I feel the same way as you. I'm 31. The only friends I have i have had since I was 17 and they are back in NY. I never had friends growing up. I was always the smallest boy in class, a few pounds overweight and wore glasses. To say I was an easy target is an understatement. I have been living in Ireland for nearly 2 years and feel like I have anybody that I would consider a friend. Acquaintances but not friends. I literally feel that I can die tomorrow and nobody but my family would care.
My childhood made me very skiddish about trusting people and who I let in. Part of me wants to open up to people but the other part tells me not too because I will only end up getting hurt.

I won't get started on my problems with girls. That would make my post a hell of a lot longer than it already is.

Isobel

ok thats it, my email is izzy-dabomb@hotmail.com . be nice and I'll be your friends. OP mail me and I swear you'll come totally out of your shell

LegacyUser

'If your happy being on your own then who cares what anyone else thinks. I'm 23 and don't really have any friends either. It's not from the lack of opportunity or ability to make them however. I have many acquaintances, work colleagues, etc and I could go out at the weekend if I so wished. I'm just not interested I guess. Maybe one day I'll regret it but right now I'm perfectly happy to be alone.

There is however a big difference between someone who chooses to be alone and someone who for whatever reason finds themselves ostracised. Make sure you know which you are. Sadly there's a terrible stigma attached to the word "loner" ("introvert" hasn't long left either).'

icewit

I feel the same, or even worse...

I've been in Ireland for less than a year and my native language is not English. It's a kind of dilemma that I was scared of making friends here while I didn't like doing all the things alone.

I'm a girl and most of my classmates in college are boys...They usually gathered around and talked after lectures and it's pretty hard for me to get involved in. I'm introversive and sharing the same topics with them also seemed a challenge for me because of the culture shock and language barrier. I tried to have conversation with them but we just couldn't talk deeply. I didn't have a clue of their interest, their tv, their music...

I just wonder if there will be close friendship(not just acquaintance) between foreigners in one's 20s.

It's really a nightmare for me...

undecided

I think alot of people r in the same situation-- if they were to tell the truth.
I know I am I lost contact with alot of my friends in my late teens> I had my first child at nineteen it just felt as though we were worlds apart they be considering what club to go to id b considering wether to check d babysitter.
Im quite introvert also but if u talk to people you meet then you will be surprised where friendships are made I made a v close friend on the bus from cork 3yrs ago and we are thick as thieves ever since.

The point grab every oppurtunity!

Good luck

the_syco

icewit wrote:

I feel the same, or even worse...

I've been in Ireland for less than a year and my native language is not English. It's a kind of dilemma that I was scared of making friends here while I didn't like doing all the things alone.

It sounds like you're in college. If thats the case, there'll be a foreigners club, or something similair. A club with many different nationalities, will be a place you may make friends with easier, as there'll be a lot there in the same boat as yourself.

mari9464

..... wrote:

i am a 21 year old girl with absolutely no friends.

is there something wrong with me?

i am wondering how a person with no friends is perceived by others. can i be considered normal? basically i'm an introvert, i don't like to approach people but i am usually nice/friendly when having a conversation. the difficult part is forming a friendship. my introversion will always pull me away from others. i am terrible at keeping in touch with those that i do have a friendship with. the other person will usually lose interest. sometimes i act like i have no interest in people as a defensive measure to protect myself from their judgment/rejection. i am very deeply vulnerable to rejection so that is why i don't 'open up'. i don't even care that i have no friends, but i know my life would be better if i had.

so what can i do to change? should i get therapy or something? can anyone relate to this?

I can relate to a lot of what you said. In my last year of college I went through a nasty situation with a so called former friend. The girl was a bully who liked to control a lot of people, and I stood up to her. I didnt want to engage in her dirty tricks war, so I distanced myself from my core group, you actually do know your 'friends' when youre down. it did affect me and it took me a long time to trust people again or let them get close. this has been one of many situations that shaped my life.
I also lived in England for a while so I lost contact with some other people. I probably have more friends from all over the world than I have in Ireland. I also find due to my experiences, I can be choosy or guarded. I'm 27 now and what I have realised the most is the amount of emotional energy I have wasted on where it went wrong with other people. I have less 'friends' now than I had a few years ago, but I am a very different and happier person than I was then. My advice is to spend time on yourself, take up new interests etc, the right people come along when youre not even looking. That has been my experience anyway.

LegacyUser

'im a 21 year old guy and i've been there, its a horrible situation to be in...

i was in a similar situation throughout 2nd level shcool and most of my first year of college.

im in 3rd year now and doing better, have a few friends now, but they are all finishing this year and going off to different places and im gonna be stuck in dublin on my own for 4th year.

yeah, people do think its weird if you have no freinds unfortunately... unless theyve been there themselves

these things all go back to childhood i think... when you come from an insecure background, with people you couldnt trust, or who let you down

back in school i used to wish that there was some place where people with no friends could just meet up asnd hang out, but i guess in real life people would be too embarrased to do that...

the best way to meet people is through people. If you can share a house with some other people, and just be around when their friends are around you might meet some people that way?'

StephenC_IRL

ill be your friend :cool:

Talliesin

..... wrote:

i don't even care that i have no friends

I say don't worry then.

Now, not everyone would be the same. I wouldn't, my friends are extremely important to me indeed, the only things in this world more important to me are some other people I consider family, though strictly some of those are really friends as they aren't blood-kin.

Still, that's my priorities, not yours. If it isn't a priority to you, then don't worry about it.

Kevster

I'm 24, male, and have no friends either. Well, I do have friends but they are the people that I am around in college everyday. Away from college, I live my life alone. I have little desire to socialise and prefer to do things alone.


Some of us are predispositioned to be poor socialisers and if you reply to this post saying that I am wrong on this then no; it is you that are wrong. Neurotypical people progress normally (obviously). However, then there are people - like me - that are inflicted with mild autism. This makes social contact very difficult.


However, it is still advisable to try to socialise. Living alone is something I would not recommend.


Kevin.

LegacyUser

'i am a 21 year old girl with absolutely no friends.
-->So, you make friends. Better than some.

is there something wrong with me?
-->Not really . . .

i am wondering how a person with no friends is perceived by others.
-->They usually don't know that they don't have friends. If you are alone, you are considered alone by choice and you have friends elsewhere

can i be considered normal?
-->Normal is a lot of things these days.

basically i'm an introvert,
-->Yep!

i don't like to approach people but i am usually nice/friendly when having a conversation.
-->That's a big problem and one that is natural to your personality

the difficult part is forming a friendship.
-->Yeah; you need someone to come to you

my introversion will always pull me away from others.
-->Yep. And pull them away from you. They need to understand you to be your friend.

i am terrible at keeping in touch with those that i do have a friendship with.
-->THIS you can help. This is your fault and you CAN help this. Please do!

the other person will usually lose interest. sometimes i act like i have no interest in people as a defensive measure to protect myself from their judgment/rejection.
-->Try to make it your goal to make it so they WON'T even THINK to judge or reject you! Be silly! Write a lot!

i am very deeply vulnerable to rejection so that is why i don't 'open up'.
-->Try by e-mail

i don't even care that i have no friends, but i know my life would be better if i had.
-->Yep. Especially if you want a job . . . but don't let them know that!

so what can i do to change? should i get therapy or something? can anyone relate to this?
-->YOu could get therapy . . . I suggest joining a group and seriously trying to stick by them, forcing yourself to forget rejection and focus on furthering friendship. Try talking to yourself, telling yourself to get out of the room and go to the group. And stick with it! Tell yourself that you NEED to go. If you do, nothing bad will happen; they want to get to know you; it is you that is holding back and making judgements, and not them.'

OMcGovern

No, you're not weird.

As you go through life, you'll drift away from people, and meet others.
Typically when leaving school, leaving college, moving house, as you job hop between one job and another, etc. You're just "in between" at the moment.
Try getting a job in a big company, then there'll be plenty of people there, and much more chance of a ready-made social scene.
Or find some course/hobby you like, and you'll meet like-minded people.

I was fairly shy at 21 myself ( now 35 )
One thing to be conscious of, don't expect others to socially carry you all the time. Push yourself to talk to people, as much as possible. Even if you have to have a prepared list of topics in your head, eg. what did they do over the weekend, do they follow some TV programme, did they read any good books lately.. etc.
If they're going to the pub, ask if you can tag along, that you're dying for a drink etc. If you don't have much to talk about in your life, then become a listener... ask people about themselves, take a genuine interest in their lives.
Remember what they say, and follow up the next time you meet... eg. if they've a new baby, new house, gossip from the last night out etc...

Just focus on talking/listening, and ask to meet up/go out with groups, don't sit around waiting to be asked.

regards,
Owen

MrBaseball

..... wrote:

i am a 21 year old girl with absolutely no friends.

is there something wrong with me?

i am wondering how a person with no friends is perceived by others. can i be considered normal? basically i'm an introvert, i don't like to approach people but i am usually nice/friendly when having a conversation. the difficult part is forming a friendship. my introversion will always pull me away from others. i am terrible at keeping in touch with those that i do have a friendship with. the other person will usually lose interest. sometimes i act like i have no interest in people as a defensive measure to protect myself from their judgment/rejection. i am very deeply vulnerable to rejection so that is why i don't 'open up'. i don't even care that i have no friends, but i know my life would be better if i had.

so what can i do to change? should i get therapy or something? can anyone relate to this?

You could try making more of an effort with people, being more trusting of the people who make an effort with you and not doing the things you mentioned in your post which you accept have a detrimental effect on your attempts to build friendships.

Marksie

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