Today was the day

Will

Gentlemen,

today I truly became a man. I purchased my first ever tool box complete with hammer, snips, various screw drivers (with magnetic tips, oh yes!) and other bits and pieces. I felt an over whelming sense of pride as I carried said piece of art through the streets on my way home, I could feel the envious looks from a far.
Its like the first time you find that perfect stick, specifically for mixing paint. Now in running with the forum, I am not actually going to do anything with the tool box. Its going to be more like a trophy.
I am now well on my way gents to getting the covetted beer gut and giving orders from afar

Jesus Wept

Congratulations!

I am the least handy person ever invented. But last week the kitchen sink got blocked, I purchased a sink plunger, and, low and behold, cleared it.

My dad has now threatened to buy me a tool box, but I wouldn't know how to use it

matt-dublin

just like the bottle of turtle wax thats been sitting in the boot of my car since the day i bought the car. Never been opened.

Or my 14.4 volt battery operated electric drill that has been taken out of the wrapping but is still in its case.

And not to forget the €1k set of golf clubs i bought (possibly while still drunk!) that have never been used!

John Mason

you are all Pathetic excuses for men, no wonder your women bitch whip you - I have a drill that cost €750, eletric sander, 3/4 tool boxes and various other types of tools and you call yourself men :rolleyes:

r3nu4l

^^^^ Methinks that someone doesn't get the point of this forum or the jokes within (On a more serious note, Irishbird, you do realise that personal abuse isn't allowed on boards.ie don't you?)

Congratulations Brother Wilburt, welcome to these hallowed halls. I too have purchased many tools that sit idly under the stairs. Said tools are proudly shown to fellow man-friends when they visit and much admiration and discussions of said tools ensues over a nice beer and a cheese and Tayto sandwich!

J.S. Pill

irishbird wrote:

I have a drill that cost €750, eletric sander, 3/4 tool boxes and various other types of tools and you call yourself men

Um, yes. I see no errors in logic or reasoning with this statement. I have a big tool therefore I am a man. Are you friggin' stupid or something? Oh yes of course you are, you're a woman...:D

jester77

r3nu4l wrote:

^^^^ Methinks that someone doesn't get the point of this forum or the jokes within (On a more serious note, Irishbird, you do realise that personal abuse isn't allowed on boards.ie don't you?)

Congratulations Brother Wilburt, welcome to these hallowed halls. I too have purchased many tools that sit idly under the stairs. Said tools are proudly shown to fellow man-friends when they visit and much admiration and discussions of said tools ensues over a nice beer and a cheese and Tayto sandwich!

Does a can of air freshner that I got free with a pizza delivery count

dr.bollocko

irishbird wrote:

you are all Pathetic excuses for men, no wonder your women bitch whip you - I have a drill that cost €750, eletric sander, 3/4 tool boxes and various other types of tools and you call yourself men :rolleyes:

We dont use our drills to do our nails though....

brianthebard

Congratulations brother, may the testosterone this kit sends pumping through you be put to good beer swilling use.

r3nu4l

jester77 wrote:

Does a can of air freshner that I got free with a pizza delivery count

Air, what now? Freshner?

Air freshner?

Sounds strange to me. Is that the same type of stuff that Mrs r3nu4l sprays at me when I lift my leg and release a 'room clearer'?

Brother Pill please refrain from using terms such as 'logic' and 'reasoning' when referring to a statement made by the wimmins, over the years I have learned that such words do not apply to people of the female gender

tbh

irishbird wrote:

you are all Pathetic excuses for men, no wonder your women bitch whip you - I have a drill that cost €750, eletric sander, 3/4 tool boxes and various other types of tools and you call yourself men :rolleyes:

pffff, you couldn't even SPELL electric.

The Ritz

Brother Wilburt,

Hearty congratulations, you should start buying powertools now, you won't be complete without them. It is also important that you take command of the space under the stairs, for this is the space in the house intended for tools.

Under my stairs is a cavern of earthly delights, every tool I could ever want is in there, all higgeldy piggeldy, ready to cascade without warning in an avalanche of sharp objects on any unsuspecting passer-by. My Home.


Ritz.

John Mason

dr.bollocko wrote:

We dont use our drills to do our nails though....

actually that's what i use the sander for

Karl Hungus

Wilburt wrote:

Now in running with the forum, I am not actually going to do anything with the tool box. Its going to be more like a trophy.

For shame! :mad:

You disgust me. Tools are not a symbol of manliness. You must use those tools!

As I sit here, there are a set of allen keys on my desk to my left, wire cutters to my right, behind me there's a large assortment of screwdrivers and pliers. On the shelves there are another assortment of various allen keys and wrenches, a seriously oldschool soldering iron, electric screwdriver, and a large assortment of screws and such. Then there's some other bits and bobs in a specific drawer, and I'm fairly certain there's some metholated spirits and sandpaper around here somewhere.

All of these things are used with varying degrees of regularity.

The only trophies real men are interested in is of things they've killed.

trout

The Ritz wrote:

It is also important that you take command of the space under the stairs, for this is the space in the house intended for tools.

Brothers, I must reveal my shame ... I live in a bungalow, which means no under the stairs space for me to claim as my own.

To restore balance, I have a toolbox, on wheels, which I leave in the utility room so that mrs trout trips over it on a daily basis.

I have an industrial hilti drill with a 3 foot carbide tip bit capable of chewing through the centre of the earth, and an angle grinder which once took off a man's toe.

Zaph

I too live in a bungalow, but the previous owner had the foresight to build a bloody monster of a shed out the back. Not only do I have tools that have barely seen the light of day, but they have their own building in which I can lock them away and forget about them, lest the urge to do something constructive with them overcomes me.

On a sidenote, according to irishbird's logic:

Owning heavy duty power tools makes you a man
irishbird owns heavy duty power tools
Ergo, irishbird is in fact a bloke. QED.

dr.bollocko

zaph wrote:

Owning heavy duty power tools makes you a man
irishbird owns heavy duty power tools
Ergo, irishbird is in fact a bloke. QED.

I'd do him.

Karl Hungus

Any tools you own must be put to use in order to be considered manly. Therefor, it's all down to whether or not Irishbird uses his/her tools, and only that will confirm his/her manhood, or lack thereof.

Blowfish

Wilburt wrote:

Its like the first time you find that perfect stick, specifically for mixing paint. Now in running with the forum, I am not actually going to do anything with the tool box. Its going to be more like a trophy.
I am now well on my way gents to getting the covetted beer gut and giving orders from afar

Toolboxes make great footrests, and if you get rid of the tools you can even store food in there.

I do agree with Karl though, the whole point of tools is to promote laziness, they do the work so you don't have to. A perfect example is the electric screwdriver, all you have to do is hold it and push a button, its sheer perfection.

biko

I still remember buying my first power drill (tool). Had it lying in full view for ages so people would see it as they entered the house

tbh

zaph wrote:

Ergo, irishbird is in fact a bloke. QED.

albeit a bloke that looks like Drew Barrymore.

Will

gentlemen i unfortunately am going to have to use these tools, i am going to have to assemble something for my girl friend, of course I am going to do my best to make it look nothing like the picture. unfortunately i live in a tiny single room and the only place i can leave the toolbox is under my table. I think i may leave it beside the door so people can marvel at the wonder.

Mahatma coat

I love my chainsaw, seriously like, Actual emotional attachment to that piece of equipment.

I also love workin for a sawmill, we have really big saws Like the canadian bench

we also have a CAT D6 for pushin over trees

brothers these are tools with REAL POWER ie measured in BHP not mA

and yes its not enough to just own these things you need to know how to use them and have used each item at least once, real men dont call some other bloke to do maintenance they just wait till its essential and do it themselves

John Mason

dr.bollocko wrote:

I'd do him.

ohhh Dr. B,

and TBH how do you know i look like drew barrymore, do i work with you? we had this discussion in work last week (looking around my shoulder anxiously in case you are stalking me ....)

Karl Hungus

Blowfish wrote:

I do agree with Karl though, the whole point of tools is to promote laziness, they do the work so you don't have to. A perfect example is the electric screwdriver, all you have to do is hold it and push a button, its sheer perfection.

Ah yeah, the electric screwdriver is just a phenominal piece of kit, and easily one of the most used tools in my arsenal. It's a miracle of quick tinkering.

irishbird wrote:

ohhh Dr. B,

and TBH how do you know i look like drew barrymore, do i work with you? we had this discussion in work last week (looking around my shoulder anxiously in case you are stalking me ....)

I demand pictures of evidence for this bloke's alleged likeness to Drew Barrymore!

Blowfish

Karl Hungus wrote:

I demand pictures of evidence for this bloke's alleged likeness to Drew Barrymore!

Two pics on this page here. tbh I don't see it.

Karl Hungus

Blowfish wrote:

Two pics on this page here. tbh I don't see it.

It's clear that you've got a different amount of replies per page as I do, so page 17 for me ain't whatever page it is you're looking at.

Blowfish

Karl Hungus wrote:

It's clear that you've got a different amount of replies per page as I do, so page 17 for me ain't whatever page it is you're looking at.

err whoops didn't think of that. here and here

Karl Hungus

Blowfish wrote:

err whoops didn't think of that. here and here

Thanks.

I kinda see a tiny bit of a resemblance, but not that much.

Capt'n Midnight

irishbird wrote:

you are all Pathetic excuses for men, no wonder your women bitch whip you - I have a drill that cost €750, eletric sander, 3/4 tool boxes and various other types of tools and you call yourself men :rolleyes:

I got a 760W drill in Aldi cost about €735 less than yours

Are you sure the sales person didn't see you coming and sell you a pink one ?

You aren't a safebreaker and it's a magnetic drill with a hollow diamond bit with some mad plasma torch attachment by any chance ?

The Ritz

..........some mad plasma torch attachment..........

Damn, I have to get me one of them......




Ritz.

John Mason

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

You aren't a safebreaker and it's a magnetic drill with a hollow diamond bit with some mad plasma torch attachment by any chance ?

its a ryboi or something like that in a great big multi level box with 3,000 bits or something stupid - it was a christmas present from an ex, it was great for putting up the curtain tie backs on friday :rolleyes:

tbh

irishbird wrote:

its a ryboi or something like that in a great big multi level box with 3,000 bits or something stupid - it was a christmas present from an ex, it was great for putting up the curtain tie backs on friday :rolleyes:

hahahahhahaha. That ex has my total respect!!!

John Mason

tbh wrote:

hahahahhahaha. That ex has my total respect!!!

he was the best ex ever, he liked to play xbox when i filled skips and carried heavy things, he bought me loads of power tools so i wouldnt ask him for help - ah i miss him sometimes :rolleyes:

Hagar

Tools, who needs tools?. All you need is a can of WD40 and a roll of duct tape.
If it moves and shouldn't, duct tape it. If it doesn't move but should, lash on WD40.

If you do go down the road of buying tools, lend them to somebody so that they acquire the dirty, well used look. It creates an aura of manliness that just isn't found with shiny new tools but importantly without actually doing any work.

Here's a perfect toolkit for Irishbird or any other of the wimmin who are jealous of our manly maliness.

The_Bullman

The ultimate tool is the mighty sledge hammer. No job is too large or too small.

Max_Damage

Hagar wrote:

Tools, who needs tools?. All you need is a can of WD40 and a roll of duct tape.
.

Don't forget the hammer. The ultimate creater and destroyer.

aidan_dunne

I can see the Drew Barrymore resemblence a bit in this pic alright...... once I managed to stop looking at that amazing cleavage! Yowzaw!!! *












*sidles up beside Irishbird, clears throat..... "ahem"..... winks, puts on "Joey" voice and says..... "Hey, how you doing?"

By the way, though it is a man's right, nay, duty in life to gather a large collection of screwdrivers, saws, hammers, allen keys and various powers tools and accessories that very rarely end up actually seeing the light of day, let alone put to their intended use, us men know deep down that there are truly only two tools we need to get us through life, a hammer and a roll of duct tape.

If it doesn't move and it should, you use the hammer.

If it moves and it shouldn't, you use the duct tape!

Herein endeth the lesson, my fellow brothers!

[edit]Boll0cks, just noticed Hagar got in there ahead of me with a similar quote! Damn Irishbird and her lady lumps distracting me! [/edit]

Pherekydes

irishbird wrote:

...he liked to play xbox when i filled skips and carried heavy things...

So, you're actually attracted to the types that inhabit this forum, then?

dr.bollocko

She is?
Jesus.
Poor girl.


*fart*

John Mason

Slow coach wrote:

So, you're actually attracted to the types that inhabit this forum, then?

yes its true (hangs head in shame)

dr.bollocko

Wow. We are the first forum on boards to have an official wench. You know that comely maiden you tend to see on german beer bottles? Pert bosoms pushed up by approx 16 large glasses of fine german beer? Thats irishbird that is.

John Mason

dr.bollocko wrote:

Wow. We are the first forum on boards to have an official wench. You know that comely maiden you tend to see on german beer bottles? Pert bosoms pushed up by approx 16 large glasses of fine german beer? Thats irishbird that is.

why thank you Dr. B, those bas.tards in the thunderdome dont appreciate me, i might defect here instead

Fey!

Don't forget all of the "pocket screws" left over after assembling those flat pack units from Atlantic Homecare and the like (they're the screws laft over after the thing is "built"!!!)

So, Irishbird, how are you at assembling flatpack wardrobes? Fancy an all expenses weekend in the west? (Just reconsidered that after Bollockos' post; I couldn't afford the beer!!!)

Degsy

irishbird wrote:

why thank you Dr. B, those bas.tards in the thunderdome dont appreciate me, i might defect here instead

will you tow get a room and leave this forum to the men please.irishbird,if i was a mod i'd ban the pair of ya!!

John Mason

Fey! wrote:

So, Irishbird, how are you at assembling flatpack wardrobes? Fancy an all expenses weekend in the west?

actually pretty good at it. and Degsy you are not a mod so lalalalalalala you cant catch me

Degsy

irishbird wrote:

actually pretty good at it. and Degsy you are not a mod so lalalalalalala you cant catch me

i know where ya live though...the gaff withh the flies circling it