Hen weekend ruined by drunken 'friend'

Lynfo

Ok, it was my best friends hen weekend in Madrid last weekend, 9 of us went over planning to have a ball, as you do. It all started off very well, we were all up for a good weekend and started the weekend off by a night in an Irish pub. Well, we all had a fair few drinks but were all feeling great and having a good time.
At the end of the night - it was 4am - we decided to call it a day as our 'big night' was the following night. So, we're all standing around, coats on and bags in hand, when 1 girl - I'll call her Mary (who was staying in my room) decided to get another drink and wouldn't leave the pub with us. She was fairly drunk at this stage, and we had a hard time convincing her to come back to the hotel, she eventually did, and when we got there she started bawling, saying 'why doesn't anybody like me' (they do) 'i'm a bad mother' (she's not afaik) 'my dad beat me up' (first i'd heard of it) i was very sympathetic with her, giving her hugs and basically telling her she was a great friend.
Then, out of nowhere she flipped, saying what the hell would I know, my life is so f*cking perfect, i'm not a mother, stop being so f*cking heartless blah blah blah. This went on for ages, she abused me from a height, so I told her she has a drinking problem and I ended up walking away and getting into bed. She was having none of this and we ended up screaming at each other - this was going on for an hour and the people in the room next door had a pain in their ass with us - understandably imo and started banging on the wall telling us to shut up. Anyway, I just ignored her in the end and went to sleep.
The next morning, she acted like everything was fine, and I left her in bed (one of the other girls was there too) and went off shopping with the rest of the girls.
That night, our 'big' night, we were again having a good few drinks and generally having a great night, I noticed near the end of the night that mary was in tears again so asked her was she ok, the response I got was 'actually no I'm not and it's all your fault I can't believe you called me an alco'
I basically said that I wasn't going to discuss it in the middle of the pub at my best mates hen weekend and she could talk to me about it when she was sober. Not good enough for her, she started screaming at me in the middle of the pub. I was mortified so I walked out, one of the girls came out to see was I ok and I just burst into tears, couldn't believe she was treating me like this. Mary came out after us and started freaking again.
Let me just make it clear that she was absolutely legless, and anytime she gets drunk there is trouble - is this not a drinking problem?
Anyway, everyone else managed to go home, leaving us rowing outside the pub, til I eventually said I was going home, this is at 3am, we had to be up at 7am to catch our plane. She followed me back to the hotel, screaming abuse all the way, and then all of a sudden she was gone. I had no idea where she was and she wouldnt answer her mobile. She eventually answered about an hour later and I apologised and asked her to come back to the room and we'd sort it out. So, she rolls in at 5am with some strange bloke she picked up off the street. She said she was going out for a drink and would be back in 5 mins. She took my room key as she had lost her own, leaving me by myself and in the dark (one of those keys that turns on the elec) In the meantime, my other friend who was staying in the room turned up at 6 and went nuts that mary had gone out and left me. Anyway, mary turns up with 10 minutes to spare before the taxi arrived. We had been packing and getting ready in the dark, while trying to call her to get her home but she wouldn't answer.
And so followed a massive row, first between the 2 of them, and then between me and mary. I told her that I just couldn't believe she had f*cked off and left us without giving a sh*t, that we were worried sick about her, and instead of apologising, she seemed to be proud of tramping around the streets with some strange bloke. Well, she didn't take kindly to that, called me the biggest slut she had ever met (I've been with my bf for 7 years - hardly a slut) called me every name under the sun, she was really hurtful and I was in floods of tears and ended up hitting her across the head. I am not proud of this whatsoever, I don't believe in violence, and thought I was going to throw up after it happened. Anyway, we made up - sort of - and made our way to the airport.
Even at the airport, she was still going on that she couldn't believe I'd called her an alco (what I actually said was that she had a drink problem) she went on and on, and conveniently forgot all the horrilbe things she said to me.
Now, it's 4 days later, she's been texting me ever since, full of apologies, why she couldn't apologise face to face I just don't know.
I just don't think we can ever go back to the way we were after the way we treated each other. I've never had anybody speak to me the way she did, and she's supposed to be a friend.
She has asked me to meet her for lunch today, which I agreed to as I ended up packing some of her stuff into my bag and vice versa so we need to do a swap.
I just don't know if I can ever trust her again, and would love to hear somebody elses opinion on it?
I feel awful that my friends hen weekend was almost ruined - I say almost because Thank God she was oblivious to the arguing until we got home. But the rest of the girls witnessed a lot of it and think that it was completely Mary who was at fault and say that they don't blame me at all, but I still feel terrible that what should have been a great weekend, was destroyed ultimately, by somebody who can't handle her drink.

dr.bollocko

No offence right, and I dont want to generalise or insult, but what you are saying is that there were a large bunch of women drinking together and alone and one of them went mental and started crying / screaming?
Thats kinda par for the course...

Beetlebum

dr.bollocko wrote:

No offence right, and I dont want to generalise or insult, but what you are saying is that there were a large bunch of women drinking together and alone and one of them went mental and started crying / screaming?
Thats kinda par for the course...

dr.bollocko, why did you even bother writing such an unproductive, ridiculous response to the OPs situation? I'm a girl and I go out every weekend with a big bunch of girls and guys and I don't think any of us have screamed or fought with each other since we were knacker drinking in fields when we were 14!!

Lynfo

I have to disagree. When I go out with my friends, we all go home happy and friendly with each other, unless this 1 particular girl is there.

A weekend like that is certainly not par for the course for me, would I be asking for advice if it were?

Beruthiel

You're not wrong there dr.bollocko.
However, sometimes drink can bring out stuff well buried and this would seem to the case. The girl clearly cannot handle her drink and needs to look at that.
I was at a party once where a girl had waaay too much to drink, the stuff she told us about her past that night was shocking. People hold issues in until they have had too much to drink.

I would think that the problems with Mary's father should be brought up because if there is anything in that, then she needs to see a professional.
The drink should be cut out until she has sorted herself with regards to that.

Kinetic^

She's clearly a psycho, especially with sauce on board. I prescribe absolutely no contact or involvement in your life whatsoever.

Donegal Lass

I would say to steer clear of her whenever possible. You dont need this so dont put yourself in a position where it will end up happening again!

AnonoBoy

She obviously has a problem with booze. If she can't go out on the lash withouth breaking down in tears and having blazing rows then she has a problem.

I have a friend like this at the moment (well not as juvenile sounding but still). She gets way too drunk way too quickly and always ends up either making an arse of herself or screaming at her boyfriend.

Anyway the thing is that this girl doesn't sound like she'll listen to you. If you tell her she has a drink problem she'll ignore you most likely. If you're a close friend you might want to try to phrase it differently or get someone she will listen to to have a word with her. The important thing is to not start laying blame at her door. Yes she ruined the weekend for you but that's in the past. Try to get her to see that she needs to drink less - maybe next time you're all out together you could do something that is less drink-orientated.

tbh

You tell her that you'll accept her apology, but apologies are not just about the words "I'm sorry" - they are about being contrite about the situation, and realising that it can't continue. If she gets like this everytime she drinks, then she shouldn't drink. If she tells you that she's not going to get drunk again (I know it's unlikely, but at least she should be aiming for that), then that shows how seriously she takes the situation. If she's not prepared to do that, then she's not sorry at all, she just wants everyone to stop being cross with her. The action is on her, here, and if you explain the situation to her the way you did with us, she should be able to see that. If she can't, she's not worth the effort.

seamus

She's a drama queen. See them all the time. It's booze-fuelled but it's a deep-seated selfishness. If said person is having a party, or is otherwise the center of attention, then everything's good. Even if they get hammered, it's all good. Of course, once it becomes someone else's party, they're all tears and screaming and scandals and weird guys.

Hens and wedding are particularly bad for these people. They are a reminder that, no, you're not getting married, no you don't have a boyfirend, and no, you're not the most special person in the whole world. So they end up crying about what they perceive to be the sad sorry state that their life has become.

Let her have her crying. Ignore her. By attempting to console her, you're providing an outlet for her bull****. The sooner she realises that everyone has their own life, and nobodys cares about her half as much as she does, the quicker she'll start acting like a normal person.

Lynfo

Thanks guys, I appreciate your replies on this.
Unfortunately, she is adamant that she doesn't have a drinking problem. Her answer is that she only drinks 1 night a week, but on that night she gets completely wasted and can't remember anything about it the next day, but doesn't think she has a problem. afaik I'm not the first to say it to her, but it's just not sinking in.
I do think that she's just saying sorry for the sake of it.
I'm going to meet her for lunch today to swap our stuff back and see how it goes, at least I know she'll be sober today as she'll be driving, but I honestly don't see how this friendship can last.
As Donegal Lass said, I certainly don't need this.

dr.bollocko

Beetlebum wrote:

dr.bollocko, why did you even bother writing such an unproductive, ridiculous response to the OPs situation? I'm a girl and I go out every weekend with a big bunch of girls and guys and I don't think any of us have screamed or fought with each other since we were knacker drinking in fields when we were 14!!

The fact that you're a girl and have had different experiences in a totally totally different situation has no bearing on my statement.

You are irked because you think on some non-specific level that I am making a sexist statement because you think that I am making a generalisation about an entire gender.

As a reader of PI, you know yourself that I dont post anything unless its a personal observation of mine. I tend to take time over my posts or at least think through them. Im referring specifically to ladies nights out here, a big girls night, with no men involved, you know, like a hen night.

Its not an unproductive post, because it is an opinion, aside from anything else, my views on this problem, and the context are valid, even if it is not indicative of a majority, its a social trend that I have come across quite regularly. I have seen the same cycle repeated again and again and again and again and again and again.
And again.
Most times, just like any other night out, everything passes along totally fine. But there is always, in every big group of female friends, one crazy bitch who drinks too much and goes nuts on everyone, runs off screaming, goes mental, slags everyone off, and has way waaaaaaaaayyyy too much to drink.

And the next day everything tends to be forgotten.
So there you go. It happens.
Crucify away.

Beruthiel

Lynfo wrote:

Thanks guys, I appreciate your replies on this.
Unfortunately, she is adamant that she doesn't have a drinking problem. Her answer is that she only drinks 1 night a week

That has nothing to do with the price of turnips.
An alcoholic might not drink for months and then when they start drinking do not stop when they reach their limit. My uncle would go without drink for months and then you wouldn't see him for a week.

I'm going to meet her for lunch today to swap our stuff back and see how it goes, at least I know she'll be sober today as she'll be driving, but I honestly don't see how this friendship can last.
As Donegal Lass said, I certainly don't need this.

You most certainly don't.
As she will be sober, personally I'd take that time to tell her exactly what happened, to point out to her once again that she does indeed have a drink problem and perhaps ask about her dad.
See how that goes.
If at the end of it she does not want your help then cut her loose as nothing will change and perhaps you telling her you want nothing more to do with her might actually make her think a little about her behaviour.

Snail30

I had a friend like this....one night during one of her 'wobblers' another friend videoed her on her mobile and then showed it to her the next day...she nearly died with embarassment. Now she is very conscious of not drinking too much and everyone is better off. I think mixing drinks is often the problem.
Good luck with lunch.

TallGirl

dr.bollocko wrote:

No offence right, and I dont want to generalise or insult, but what you are saying is that there were a large bunch of women drinking together and alone and one of them went mental and started crying / screaming?
Thats kinda par for the course...

Talk about the typical drunken brawl while abroad that gives Irish people a bad name.
First off, your friend sounds like a bit of a physcho but to be honest, you do too (physically hitting someone, come on!). Both of you were locked and said things you didn't mean therefore you both probably have a drink problem.... ie. saying things you didn't mean.
I'm sorry, I have to agree with dr. bollocko (and I'm a girl) but this is such stupid girly behaviour. I'm assuming if you were at a hen night then you are all around your mid twenties... time to grow up. I have a great bunch of girlfriends and we never carry on like that.... for gods sake, roaring at eachother in the street / hotel and hitting each other.... bloody hell, thats not immaturity, thats animal behaviour.

Moderator, I shouldn't be banned for this honest oppinion... the OP is as much to blame as is her "friend".

Beetlebum

dr.bollocko wrote:

The fact that you're a girl and have had different experiences in a totally totally different situation has no bearing on my statement.

You are irked because you think on some non-specific level that I am making a sexist statement because you think that I am making a generalisation about an entire gender.

As a reader of PI, you know yourself that I dont post anything unless its a personal observation of mine. I tend to take time over my posts or at least think through them. Im referring specifically to ladies nights out here, a big girls night, with no men involved, you know, like a hen night.

Its not an unproductive post, because it is an opinion, aside from anything else, my views on this problem, and the context are valid, even if it is not indicative of a majority, its a social trend that I have come across quite regularly. I have seen the same cycle repeated again and again and again and again and again and again.
And again.
Most times, just like any other night out, everything passes along totally fine. But there is always, in every big group of female friends, one crazy bitch who drinks too much and goes nuts on everyone, runs off screaming, goes mental, slags everyone off, and has way waaaaaaaaayyyy too much to drink.

And the next day everything tends to be forgotten.
So there you go. It happens.
Crucify away.

Fair enough. I have read alot of your advice in PI and I admit it's always intelligent and well thought out. You've even given me advice before!!

I have witnessed big bunches of women out drinking together and I know it can get messy. With regards to your situation OP, your so-called friend sounds like an attention seeking drama queen. It also sounds like she may be jealous of you on some level. The fact that she got so defensive when you commeneted on her drinking shows that she knows it to be true and the truth tends to sting.

Lynfo

TallGirl wrote:

Talk about the typical drunken brawl while abroad that gives Irish people a bad name.
First off, your friend sounds like a bit of a physcho but to be honest, you do too (physically hitting someone, come on!). Both of you were locked and said things you didn't mean therefore you both probably have a drink problem.... ie. saying things you didn't mean.
I'm sorry, I have to agree with dr. bollocko (and I'm a girl) but this is such stupid girly behaviour. I'm assuming if you were at a hen night then you are all around your mid twenties... time to grow up. I have a great bunch of girlfriends and we never carry on like that.... for gods sake, roaring at eachother in the street / hotel and hitting each other.... bloody hell, thats not immaturity, thats animal behaviour.

Moderator, I shouldn't be banned for this honest oppinion... the OP is as much to blame as is her "friend".

Thanks so much for your advice - did you read my post???

wasn't going to discuss it

ended up walking away

I just ignored her

I was mortified so I walked out

Did you see where I said I felt physically sick afterwards??? I have never in my life raised my hand to somebody and am mortified and disgusted with myself that I did it.
On the 2nd night, I didn't drink all that much, as I knew I had to get up early and drive home from the airport the following morning.
I too, have a great bunch of friends and this has never ever happened to any of us before.

Noelie

Lynfo, you know any card will make the lights work in the hotel room, the light switch doesn't read any info from the card it's simply used to close the switch and power on the lights. just a little info for the future.

Your best off staying away from your friend for a while, and try keep your distance when you are both out and drinking. Telling someone they have a drink problem is rarely going to go down well, especially if it's a girl and she is already totalled. Girl do get emotional when drunk and you just added fuel to the fire by telling her some home truths.

TallGirl

Yes, I have read your post and actually read it a second time and feel the exact same.

Lynfo wrote:

we ended up screaming at each other - this was going on for an hour and the people in the room next door had a pain in their ass with us - understandably imo

Lynfo wrote:

everyone else managed to go home, leaving us rowing outside the pub,

As I said, typical stupid drunken behaviour that gives Irish people abroad a bad name. I'm disgusted.

Lynfo wrote:

She followed me back to the hotel, screaming abuse all the way, and then all of a sudden she was gone. I had no idea where she was and she wouldnt answer her mobile. She eventually answered about an hour later and I apologised and asked her to come back to the room and we'd sort it out.

If she spent hours roaring and shouting at you, acting like a complete phycho then why would you be worried about her when she disappeared? Also, what have you got to apologise for? You should have been happy to be able to hop into bed and get some sleep before your flight.
I know you are probably going to say "she was drunk and god knows what she could have done". I don't think that cuts it. People all too often use drink as an excuse for their bed behavior but its about time for them to take responsibility for their own actions. If you can't handle your drink, don't drink.... simple. You too OP, if your drinking causes you to physically abuse someone, don't drink.

dr.bollocko

I think that we are forgetting that it does take two to tango.
Now first off, let me say that that bitch crazy, QED.
But lets look at it further and see where you went wrong as well, because you have blame on your shoulders too. After all, it was not your hen night, and you were a protagonist in this drama also.
OP you said the following in your initial post:

Let me just make it clear that she was absolutely legless, and anytime she gets drunk there is trouble.

So you knew about her history and should have known what to expect. Instead of treading silently, hoping that it all passes off without a hitch,
you:
roared at her
hit her
gave out to her
antagonised her
and generally didnt do a very good job at all, did you?
You assumed that because she got really drunk on a hen night that the moral highground was yours, and anything she says is discounted as a drunkard's lament.
However I bet you hit her with a few hard home truths while she was roaring at you....
I couldn't blame you for that one at all, particularly as a former barman. I've seen good sober people snab because of constant hassle from some drunk.
Come on, anyone would. The night's already ruined with this drunk bitch, why shouldnt I roar back at her for a while? Right?

Its just that you continue to try and evade all blame for this huge blow up between only two people. I think ye both have problems to sort out, and it might generally best to stay away from each other, but its pretty clear that you must, MUST have done something more to her than your friends did to be singled out for these attacks.

When my friends are all out, a pretty large group, we also have a couple of people who could explode like drunken volcanoes at any stage. What we do is hope they go away, or tip toe around them for a wee while until they pass out.
What we dont do is roar at them in the middle of the street, in the hotel room, and in the bar, insulting them. You also dont antagonise them, or punch them.
And if you do, you expect all drunken hell to rise up, and appear to many, particularly on foreign streets at 4am.
You say that you were just walking away and she kept abusing you. Well.... that isn't really true, is it?
She wouldnt have the drunken need to abuse you unless you had said some fairly nasty things to her as well. Now thinking back, even if they were truthful things, after that girl called you a slut, and singled you out to roar at you, and wouldnt come back to the hotel, you wanted her to feel the verbal sting that she had unleashed on you, right? If you had the lack of self-control to actually physically hurt another human being, your mouth must have lost all restraint ages before that...


Now don't you think that you have a share in the blame too?

padser

Sounds to me like the typical type of stuff you get when you put too many girls together. IMO women have a tendancy to be unreasonable especially when they have drink taken and ALWAYS colour the argument to suit their POV. For example where she mentions what you said about her, but forgets what she said to you.

To be honest this can occassionally happen with guys as well, the difference being that when we get home one of the guys might (or it might not even be needed) apologise and say 'hey I was out of line, sorry mate'. Then the other guys goes 'Don't worry about it, sure you were plastered'. That would be the last time its mentioned or even thought about!

I think you are going down the typical female response which is to go on and on about it for weeks, talk about it, re talk about, look at it from different angles, get worked up about, get upset about it. Wonder why is she texting me to appologise rather then do it face to face? Why did she put 1 x at the end of the text instead of the usual 3 x's ETC ETC ETC ETC

Anyway, my advice is to get over it. So you had a drunken fight with a friend. I doubt there is a single poster on boards who hasn't.

Lynfo

Ok Dr. Bollocko, I take what you're saying on board, and I probably should have said earlier that I do take some blame for what happened. I'm no saint, and I do admit that I probably shouldn't have told her she had a drink problem, or at least waited until she was sober to talk about it.
However, I do need to make some things clear, I'm not the type of person who would usually partake in an arguement like this. I'm extremely shy, and being the centre of attention is my worst nightmare, whether the situation is good or bad. While she was hurling abuse, I was indeed shouting back, however I was telling her to shut the f*ck up, I certainly did not hurl abuse back, I'm not that type of person. The girl is/was my friend, and as much as she hurt me at the time, I knew she was drunk and would regret it all in the morning. It may seem like I'm playing the martyr here, but I honestly didn't insult her - apart from saying she had a drink problem, and that she was tramping around the streets of course, which, in hindsight, did antagonise her.
In fact, it is true that I kept walking away, the girl had lost the plot, one minute she was hugging me saying she loved me, next minute she's screaming abuse. I was so embarassed to be caught up in this nightmare scene, that I did indeed walk away. I was ringing all the other girls mobiles to try to find out where the hell they were, while trying to keep 10 steps away from her.
I really can't stress enough, that I'm not the type of girl who gets involved in this kind of thing. I'm quite sensible really, and was probably the most sober one over the whole weekend.
Of course, I lost control when she called me slut among other things, I mean she brought up things that I did when I was 14, so yes, I saw red and lashed out. Stupid, childish and unforgiveable. I take complete responsibilty for that, and would give my left leg to take it back. But I was not the instigator of this episode, and did everything in my power to try to ignore it. She was in my face everywhere I turned, and unfortunately I ended up snapping, which I regret 100%
You say that I MUST have done something more to her than my friends did. Untrue - unless you know something I don't. I looked after her and the other girl in my room from the very beginning, neither of them knew anybody else except me & the hen. I bought their tickets, booked their room, made sure they didn't forget anything, picked them both up and drove them to & from the airport, I basically mammied them. And I think she singled me out simply because I was there, and she didn't know the others - perhaps I'm wrong, I don't know.
You can believe what you wish tbh. I know what happened, I know in my heart that I didn't start this fight, and that I tried to stop it getting out of hand. I also know that raising my hand to her was very very wrong, something I've never done before and will certainly never, ever do again.
Dr. Bollocko, I hope I've explained myself, you seem to have a skewed image of me. As I've already said, I'm shy, quiet, usually the first to leave the pub when I go out - which isn't often, and haven't been legless since my 21st which as it happens was 7 years ago. I know the effects of drinking too much, and I refuse to do it myself. Yes, I had a few drinks, but no, I wasn't wasted - I know when to stop drinking, unfortunately, I didn't control my temper that night, something which I truly regret.

dr.bollocko

Honestly, I have no preconceptions of you at all. Nor do I think you are inferior, or it was all your fault, or even that you are to blame. (I probably would have done a lot worse).
And I do understand where you're coming from, and realise that you are really upset about hitting her. its understandable. Everyone cracks, you know? Dont worry, Im not judging you at all. And I realise now that you do realise you have a share of the blame too.

All I'm saying is that you have to realise that you knew that this bitch was crazy. You repeat it yourself, a number of times. You say that the only time any rows happen is when this crazy bitch is out on her one nights drinking a week. So you either need to leave her well alone, or figure out some way of coping with her crazy without it ruining everyone's night.

Once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. She came upon a poisonous snake frozen in the snow. She took the snake home and nursed it back to health. One day the snake bit her on the cheek. As she lay dying, she asked the snake, "Why have you done this to me?" And the snake answered, "Look, bitch, you knew I was a snake."

See where I'm coming from?

padser

Lynfo wrote:

Ok Dr. Bollocko, I take what you're saying on board, and I probably should have said earlier that I do take some blame for what happened. I'm no saint, and I do admit that I probably shouldn't have told her she had a drink problem, or at least waited until she was sober to talk about it.
However, I do need to make some things clear, I'm not the type of person who would usually partake in an arguement like this. I'm extremely shy, and being the centre of attention is my worst nightmare, whether the situation is good or bad. While she was hurling abuse, I was indeed shouting back, however I was telling her to shut the f*ck up, I certainly did not hurl abuse back, I'm not that type of person. The girl is/was my friend, and as much as she hurt me at the time, I knew she was drunk and would regret it all in the morning. It may seem like I'm playing the martyr here, but I honestly didn't insult her - apart from saying she had a drink problem, and that she was tramping around the streets of course, which, in hindsight, did antagonise her.
In fact, it is true that I kept walking away, the girl had lost the plot, one minute she was hugging me saying she loved me, next minute she's screaming abuse. I was so embarassed to be caught up in this nightmare scene, that I did indeed walk away. I was ringing all the other girls mobiles to try to find out where the hell they were, while trying to keep 10 steps away from her.
I really can't stress enough, that I'm not the type of girl who gets involved in this kind of thing. I'm quite sensible really, and was probably the most sober one over the whole weekend.
Of course, I lost control when she called me slut among other things, I mean she brought up things that I did when I was 14, so yes, I saw red and lashed out. Stupid, childish and unforgiveable. I take complete responsibilty for that, and would give my left leg to take it back. But I was not the instigator of this episode, and did everything in my power to try to ignore it. She was in my face everywhere I turned, and unfortunately I ended up snapping, which I regret 100%
You say that I MUST have done something more to her than my friends did. Untrue - unless you know something I don't. I looked after her and the other girl in my room from the very beginning, neither of them knew anybody else except me & the hen. I bought their tickets, booked their room, made sure they didn't forget anything, picked them both up and drove them to & from the airport, I basically mammied them. And I think she singled me out simply because I was there, and she didn't know the others - perhaps I'm wrong, I don't know.
You can believe what you wish tbh. I know what happened, I know in my heart that I didn't start this fight, and that I tried to stop it getting out of hand. I also know that raising my hand to her was very very wrong, something I've never done before and will certainly never, ever do again.
Dr. Bollocko, I hope I've explained myself, you seem to have a skewed image of me. As I've already said, I'm shy, quiet, usually the first to leave the pub when I go out - which isn't often, and haven't been legless since my 21st which as it happens was 7 years ago. I know the effects of drinking too much, and I refuse to do it myself. Yes, I had a few drinks, but no, I wasn't wasted - I know when to stop drinking, unfortunately, I didn't control my temper that night, something which I truly regret.

I am also at a loss to know exactly what you are looking for here as well. Most posters in PI are looking for advice but you just seem to be telling a story about what sounds like a fairly standard hen night. The only question you have asked is 'can I ever trust her again'? Is that the question you want answered?

Splendour

Hi Lynfo,

Difficult when scenes like this happen between friends, and by the time you get to read this, you will have met this girl for lunch, which btw, I hope went well.
IMHO, I think if you feel you can do it, you should forgive her as she has apologised and obviously feels remorse. Then, you should give your frienship time;time to heal the hurt for both of you. Tell her the frienship is important to you, but that you both could do with some space to reflect on what has happened. If she genuinely has a drink problem,her natural reaction at first is to deny it. Sometimes good can come out of bad situations and possibly this incident and reflection on same might do this for you and your friend.
Remember too that when one finger is pointing toward a person, there are three fingers pointing back. (That not meant as an accusation, just a reality with ALL of us...)

Splendour

John Mason

dr.bollocko wrote:

No offence right, and I dont want to generalise or insult, but what you are saying is that there were a large bunch of women drinking together and alone and one of them went mental and started crying / screaming?
Thats kinda par for the course...

LOL sort of have to agree, everyone know what hen parties are like. just either forgot about or cut her out of your life

Beruthiel

veryslowey wrote:

just expresing a opinion whats this school or somehting? wasnt' trying to uninsihgtfull!!!

Three comments on this thread and all off topic.
A weeks ban.
B

Lynfo

Ok Dr. Bollocko, I get where u are coming from. I guess I just gave her the benefit of the doubt, that she might behave, as it was our mutual friends special weekend. I won't be making that mistake again - nice story about the snake by the way, very fitting for this situation.

Padser - I was merely looking for advice, your generalisation in your first post was way off and untrue. Not ALL women are unreasonable, why bother posting at all, unless you're just trying to stir sh*t?

For those of you who think this is being blown out of proportion, it isn't. It was a serious incident in both of our lives, and we have both admitted that it will take quite some time to get back to normal. And no, girls don't ALWAYS cry when they go out, most of us actually like to have a good time.

Splendour - yes had lunch and it went ok, if a little awkward. At the end of the day, we have been friends for a long time, and I don't want to lose the friendship. I have taken on board all of the advice given here and have quite a bit to think about. I hope that we can get over it, but I do worry that it'll always be in the back of my mind. I guess only time will tell.

Thanks to all for replying, and for taking time out to offer advice, much appreciated.

NutJob

I wouldn't take it personally it looks like she has some deep seeded problems she needs to face and allot of growing up to do.

You just happened to be the closest person she could take it out on.

Blondie86Star

I have to agree with some of the other posters, it is usually one girl that brings down the tone of a night out , by getting over emothional etc. I think that you shouldnt be in contact with Mary for a while, then she could see that her drinking/actions do have reprocuttions.

Crea

Ah takes me back to a hen I was at. One of the bridesmaids insulted the brides sister, told the bride that the groom was only marrying her for her money and ended up fighting in the street with another bridesmaid who had calmly tried to control her. The icing on the cake was when she took off her shoe and hit the other BM on the head. I nearly died laughing. The bride took it very well and we just walked away from the whole debacle. The worst thing to do is try to engage with one of these attention seeking people. If someone starts crying, shouting, screaming, slutting then leave them off and walk away. If she behaves like that again totally ignore her. She isn't your responsibility.
BTW the girl was kept as a bridesmaid and you've never seen a quieter, more attentive and more sober bridesmaid in your life.

Cateym

There have been some people on here paying more attention to the fact that the OP 'hit' the nutter who was screaming blue murder at her than the fact the nutter went beserk at the OP. Yes it does take two to tango but sometimes even the most controlled of people lose it when placed under that kind of pressure.

Sometimes situations get extremely charged and no-one is in control of themselves and walking away does not work (as in the case of the OP).

Would those pointing the finger at the OP for her reaction please try and put the situation into perspective.

Lynfo

Cateym wrote:

There have been some people on here paying more attention to the fact that the OP 'hit' the nutter who was screaming blue murder at her than the fact the nutter went beserk at the OP. Yes it does take two to tango but sometimes even the most controlled of people lose it when placed under that kind of pressure.

Sometimes situations get extremely charged and no-one is in control of themselves and walking away does not work (as in the case of the OP).

Would those pointing the finger at the OP for her reaction please try and put the situation into perspective.

Ah some sense finally! Thank you

Cancer-chick

OP as last poster said any reasonable person would lose it faced with that level of abuse..

Simply put it's up to you whether she remains a friend or becomes a distant acquaintance who happens to move in same social circle on occasion. You seem like a caring person.. I would'nt lose sleep over it..

vorbis

don't know if I could stay good friends with someone who'd abuse me like that. The hitting her part is totally understandable. With provocation like that, i'm surprised it wasn't worse! How good a friend was she before this happened? Get your stuff back and ignore her for a few weeks / months. A bit of time will help you tell if you want to continue being friends with her.

extraice

you stay of Gran Via in very nice hotel .... ?
and was it Ocoonnel st you talking about ?

littlebitdull

The answer is very simple. Keep this girl as your friend.. but keep it to day time lunch meetings or trips to the cinema, regular phone calls text emails etc.

Just drop her as a drinking buddy.

Simple solution.

King of Kings

probably agree with dr. bollocko here. drink etc.. can do that to people more so on special night like hens or stags. i was a doorman once for 8 years and girlie weekends away turn on each other quite often.It's just how it is (or was for me)

Lynfo wrote:

the response I got was 'actually no I'm not and it's all your fault I can't believe you called me an alco'

I had a horrible weekend at my ex's cousins wedding and of all the stuff she said and did to me - which was lousy - me saying that to her is still brought up 2 years later.
Some people think they are above reproach.

I'd put it down to experience , don't ignore her but ensure that you are never roommates again on further hols etc.

bug

oh the f**kin drama..
there is a reason why my female friends are limited to those who have a bit of common sense...
I hate women like your mate.
The idea of going away in these situations is having a good time and some people are so selfish that they ruin the experience for themselves and for others.

She is selfish, that'd it really, and possibly a bit fuked up, but who isn't?
The normal, sociable thing to do is to leave all that behind you when on social outings and not bring everyone down with you.

Immaturity, selfishness and not the type of female I associate with or would have the time for.

~Leanne~

I dunno how you put up with her the weekend, you must have great patience cause i certainly couldnt handle anyone like that!! I would have left her to sleep in the hall!

Chinafoot

God I remember my sister's hen last year. Nine of us headed off to Edinburgh and one of the women who came with us, Dee, worked in Kelley's company but was mostly there as she was a friend of Kelley's friend Jen who asked if she could come. The more the merrier we thought. Oh how wrong were we.

She ended up losing the plot with her mate Jen because "jen promised me she wouldn't do any shots!" These two women are 40 years of age! Then when Jen got chatting to a fella from Mayo on a stag weekend she flipped. She gave Jen dog's abuse and stormed out of the pub. When my sister tried to talk to her to sort it out Dee tore into her too calling her a bully and a slag and then she said that I stole her wine (I never, ever, ever drink wine) when Dee had in fact knocked the glass over onto one of the other girls coats. Then she said we had stolen her money because we did a kitty of £30 each and bought shots as part of it. Dee decidede not to tell anyone that she didn't want a shot and took it when it was handed to her and then handed it to Jen...who she made promise not to do shots! The mind boggles.

Anyway, in the end Dee was playing the drama queen back at the hotel and said that she was heading straight for the airport and was getting a flight home (this was at 4am or there abouts). So we all decided "if she wants to be an idiot and go home, let her". We had no intention of pandering to her and making things worse after my sister had tried to reason with her. So we called her bluff and she went home. We had a brilliant time for the rest of the weekend and my sister hasn't seen her since.

Lynfo, I guess my advice from seeing my sister's experience would be to distance yourself. Don't give her the attention she's after. Tell her to cop herself on and walk away. If you find yourself in a situation with her like that again, be it a weekend away (doubtful, I know) or just a night out with a group of friends, call her bluff and walk away. I know you tried that and she pushed you to breaking point but at the same time, you were running after her, calling her mobile and apologising to her. She is not your responsibility.

You sound like you have a mammying nature, and I think that's great. But don't waste such caring on people who don't deserve it. She saw you as an emtional punching bag that she could take out all her problems on and then use the drink as an excuse afterwards. It's not good enough.

It can suck cutting off friends completely but sometimes you have to realise that certain people aren't good for you.

Hope the lunch goes well, anyway.

Best of luck.

Kaylee

Lynfo,

Something like this happened to me a couple of years ago.

I'm considered to be very (some would say too) reserved and properly behaved person, but to witness this incident (at a friends wedding) you probably wouldn't have believed that.

As most Irish weddings go, the drink was flowing and I was fairly 'well on', this was no problem - I'm a happy, jolly drinker. However, things began to deteriorate when my partner began to take offense at my (perceived) behaviour ie. he thought I was flirting with people/being 'messy' .

To cut a long story short, we made a bit of a show of ourselves. I - being jarred - was unable to handle the situation calmly (as possibly happened to you), he being also jarred was unable to get a handle on reality.

Anyways... the next day, and days that followed were hell. I cryed, we cryed, we were so ashamed ourselves. In fact, that incident haunted me for years, yes, years afterwards.

Moral of the story is... learn from this. Your friend will continue to drag you down to her level when she is drunk unless she has really learnt from this, and is REALLY ashamed of her behaviour. Ashamed enough to look at her attitude to alcohol and her personal issues. You also have to take responsibility for your behaviour and your alcohol consumption.

Lynfo, You may feel bad about yourself right now - you have to ensure that you don't allow anything like this to happen to you again.

Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to nasty situations - stuff like this happens EVERY weekend in EVERY town in Ireland. It seems some people don't have much respect for themselves, or people around them - it may be that your friend is one of these people.